26

"Tell me again how he talked you into this?" Carlisle asked, placing his hand on my knee as I drove us toward the bungalow. "You're going to get a ticket if you don't slow down."

I snorted, but eased my foot off the gas pedal. I had been driving too fast, going almost eighty, but I was anxious to get there. More like worried, actually. After hemming and hawing for a few weeks, Jasper's father had actually arrived in San Francisco the night before and we were on our way to an impromptu dinner.

"He asked and I said yes." Sighing, I added, "Why are you making this an issue? I didn't think you'd care."

"I don't," he said.

"Then why are you whining?"

"I'm not!" he exclaimed. "I just . . . I worry that this will be too much for you."

Once more, I sighed.

"I know, I know. I'm hovering."

"You are," I admitted. "I'm fine, though. Liam and I have talked about how to handle situations just like this. He said I have to realize that I can't make everyone accept the decisions I make and all that matters is that I'm happy with how my life is."

"Good advice," Carlisle agreed with a smile. "And are you happy?"

"I'm . . ." I paused, thinking back to the last few weeks. I'd finally gotten caught up in all my classes and was now only four weeks away from the end of my first semester of college. The nightmares had stopped, though I still found myself needing to check the doors and windows every night and again in the morning. It was a compulsion, from what Liam said, that I'd spend the rest of my life struggling to defeat.

"Is that a no?" Carlisle asked.

"No," I said. "I mean, no that's not a no. I'm happy."

"Hmm."

"I am," I insisted. "Or I'm trying to be. I just feel like a part of me is missing."

"Because of them."

It wasn't a question, or even an accusation. The fact that Alice, Esme, Emmett, and Rose had refused to forgive me for leaving angered Carlisle, who tried not to talk about the four if he could avoid it. I was hurt, but not angry. Not anymore. I couldn't control their feelings any more than they could understand my reason for leaving. And while I missed them, I was done trying to get them to love me again. Carlisle, Michael, and Tyler needed me too much to let my anger get the best of me.

I nodded. "They were part of our family."

"Were is right," he muttered, but didn't push the topic further.

"Have you talked to Garrett or . . . or Marcus lately?" I asked, nervously. While neither of Carlisle's brothers had come out and blamed me for their father's murder, they hadn't made much effort to stay in contact with Carlisle, either. The odd phone call here and there, a funny meme in a text message, and the occasional spam filling his email, but nothing more than that. Carlisle reassured me over and over that they didn't blame me, that it wasn't my fault, but I still struggled with the guilt of Peter's death.

"Talked to Marcus yesterday, actually," he said, quietly. "He'll be in town next week and wants to have dinner."

"Oh?"

"Said he had something important to talk to us about."

"Did he say what that was?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Just that it was important."

"Are Garrett and Kate coming, too?"

"Don't think so, but I don't know. I didn't think to ask."

"Oh."

"You don't have to come, if you're not ready."

Bella sighed. "It's not that I don't want to go."

"So what is it?" he asked.

"We'll have to leave the boys again," I admitted, smiling sheepishly. Leaving the boys for even just a few hours was torture for me. Today, they were spending the night with Sasha and Eleazar, who insisted on having them over for a sleepover. I hated being away from them, and had gone overboard with the attention I dotted on each. Michael had finally forgiven me for leaving, but I worried about them feeling abandoned all over again.

Carlisle grinned. "You're so precious."

"Don't laugh at me!" I exclaimed, pushing his hand off my knee.

"I'm not" But he laughed again. "Okay, maybe I am, but you're just so beautiful when you worry about the boys, but they're fine."

"I know," I muttered as I pulled into a parking space just off the bungalow. Shifting the car into park, I turned in my seat so that I was facing Carlisle. "I know I can't hide them away from the world, but every morning, I have to talk myself out of letting them stay home from school. Liam says that's natural, that it's my motherly instinct, but I never worried about them like this until . . . until he made his target. It's hard to trust that . . . that there isn't someone waiting in the shadows to take them away from me."

Pausing, I tried to blink back the tears that filled my dark eyes, but failed at moisture sprinkled down my cheeks. "Sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for being honest about how you feel," Carlisle murmured, wiping away the wetness before I could. "And don't apologize for being scared. I am, too."

"You are?"

He nodded. "They're innocent and naïve and I don't want that to change, but I feel this urge to teach them to protect themselves. I shouldn't have to, though. They're only babies. They shouldn't have to worry about monsters and bad guys."

"No, they shouldn't," I agreed, shifting my attention out the front window. "Neither should we."

Carlisle didn't say anything as he climbed out of the passenger seat and rushed around to my side, opening my door for me. We shouldn't have to worry about monsters, but we did. There were bad people out there who loved watching the way they destroyed their prey. Bringing his hand up to the side of my face, he lowered his lips down onto mine, kissing me slowly yet deeply.

"Why do you love me?" I breathed without thinking about what I was asking.

"Because you're you," he murmured, leaning his forehead against mine. "And you let me."

"I always will," I whimpered. "I'll always love you."

"I'll always love you, too."

Carlisle wrapped his hand around mine and lead me down the path toward the bungalow. I bit the inside of my lip as we passed the empty lot that once housed Sasha's diner. They'd cleared away the debris, but hadn't started rebuilding. Sasha assured me too many times that they didn't blame me, that they were looking at this as a chance to make the diner better than it had been, but I hated that my stalker had taken a part of her family away from her. The memories she had with her sister, Carlisle's mother, her family.

"Bella!" My attention was pulled to the bungalow as Jasper left Edward and a tall, bulky man with dark blond hair. Jasper jogged over to me and Carlisle, pulling me in his arms before I could say anything. "Thank God you're here."

"Why? Is it going that bad?" I asked, returning the hug, but spying his father from over his shoulder. He wasn't glaring at Jasper, or Edward, but he didn't look completely comfortable, either. Maybe that was because he was wearing a pair of Wranglers and boots while on the beach.

"No, no, it's going good," he said, pulling away. "I just . . . I don't know how to believe him when he says that he's okay with me being gay and being with Edward."

"He's here," I told him. "That's a start, right?"

Jasper nodded and wrapped his fingers around mine and together, he and Carlisle escorted me the last twenty yards to where his father and Edward stood awkwardly. "Dad, these are our closest friends. Carlisle and Bella Cullen. Guys, this is my . . . my father Jackson Whitlock."

Jackson tilted his head back, his bright blue eyes — the same blue eyes that Jasper had — shifting from Carlisle to me before holding his hand out to Carlisle. "It's a pleasure to meet you both. Jasper's told me a lot about the two of you."

"All good we hope," Carlisle chuckled.

Jackson laughed. "Of course."

"We can't say the same," I said, drawing his attention me. His smile shifted into a frown. "He's your son and you turned your back on him."

"Bella," Jasper started, but shut his mouth when I pulled my hand from his and held it up.

"He needed you to tell him it was okay to be gay, to want men the way you want women. He needed you, Mr. Whitlock, but instead of being there for him, you threw him away like he was trash. Like he was fucking trash!"

"I . . ." Jackson stammered. "Don't you think I know that?"

"I don't know," I whimpered. "Do you? He was hurt and humiliated and treated like scum and you weren't there to tell him you still loved him."

"Isabella stop," Carlisle murmured, sliding his arm around my waist.

"No, it's fine," Jackson said, placing his hands on his hips. "You're right. I fucked up with Jasper. I wasn't prepared to learn that he . . . that he was . . . is gay. I didn't see it, I guess. He wasn't like other boys his age, but I never thought he was gay. And when I found out, I reacted badly."

I snorted. "Badly? You kicked him out with nothing."

"I did," he said, thickly. "I was scared."

"So was I," Jasper muttered, drawing everyone's attention to him. "You had Maggie and Owen, and I had nobody. I lived in my truck and I went to college alone. There wasn't anyone to help me move in, to go home to at Christmas, or even to tell me it was okay to let Edward love me."

"I . . ." Jackson shook his head. "I wanted to, Jasper. I did, but . . . it's not easy. Your mother left me to raise you and Maggie alone. I didn't handle it the way I should have. I drank too much, worked too much. I wanted you and your sister to have more than I could give you, but there just wasn't more to give. And then Maggie got pregnant and I had another mouth to feed, another person to support."

"Excuses," I muttered. "Parents are supposed to love their kids no matter what. You have no idea what it feels like to be pushed away because your mother doesn't care who you love!"

"Bella," Jasper murmured, shaking his head. It was then that I realized my anger, while partially focused on Jackson Whitlock, was also directed toward my mother. Like him, she had thrown me away because I fell in love with Carlisle.

"I . . . I'm sorry," I whispered. "I . . . He needs you now, Mr. Whitlock. More than ever, Jasper needs you now, so don't give him hope if all you're going to do is turn your back on him again."

"I'm not." Jackson insisted. "I promise, Bella, I'm not. I love my son."

"Yeah?" I asked.

Jackson nodded.

"Love isn't always enough. Prove it to him, to Edward, because these two men are my family, and I don't let anyone hurt those I love."

—TW—

"The water won't hurt me. The water won't hurt me," I muttered as I stood at the edge of the shore. I repeated those five words to myself over and over, every time the surf washed over my feet and tried to pull me into its dark abyss. I looked over my shoulder as I heard Jasper's roaring laughter.

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I watched him and his father sitting on the far side of the fire pit with Carlisle and Edward. After my impromptu threat, I tried to keep my bitterness at bay, but found it difficult to believe that Jackson Whitlock had truly seen the errors of his ways and now accepted his son's lifestyle.

I returned my attention to the ocean. The moonlight cast an eerie glow over the water — one that both entranced me and scared me. It was purity and grace, yet dangerous and terrifying. If I were being honest with myself, I'd admit that I was jealous of Jasper. He got a second chance to connect with his father, a chance I'd never have with mine. I wanted to believe that if Charlie Swan hadn't been murdered that he'd love me regardless of the fact that I fell in love with an older man, but I couldn't be sure. Never thought Renee would have turned on me, but she did. She threw me away and before we could kiss and make up, she too was stolen from me by Aro Volturi.

"Um, excuse me, Bella?"

Startled, I looked back over my shoulder, finding Jackson Whitlock standing several feet away from me.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said, nervously glancing back over his shoulder to where Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward were pretending not to watch us.

"It's okay," I told him.

He smiled and took a few more steps toward me, but still kept his distance. "It's beautiful out here. I never thought I'd be one for the beach, but I have to admit: this is nice."

I hummed and nodded, but didn't say anything.

Jackson sighed and shifted so that he was facing me. "You're protective of my son."

"I am."

"I appreciate that."

I lifted an eyebrow in surprise. "You are?"

Jackson nodded.

"I didn't think you cared about him, seeing how you kicked him out of your house for being gay."

Jackson frowned.

"You think I'm a bitch, don't you?"

"No," he said too quickly.

"I am a bitch, but I have reasons to be one." I paused and looked back at Jasper, who had stood and was pacing behind Edward and Carlisle. "You don't know much about me, about my story, but I've been through a lot over the last few months. People I'd known my entire life turned their backs onto me because I fell in love with a man they didn't think was right for me. I lost . . . I lost a lot and Jasper and Edward have been the only ones to not turn against us. He's my friend, my family. And I'm sorry if I come off like a bitch, but I can't lose him, too."

Jackson frowned. "I could stand here and promise that I won't mess things up again, but I can't. I have no idea what I'm doing, how to go forward, but I'm trying because I love my son and I've already lost too much time with him. I was a stupid and arrogant man, who let pride dictate his emotions. I knew the minute he left that I was wrong, but I was too prideful to ask him to come home. Before I realized it, years had passed. If it hadn't been for my daughter, I . . . I don't know that I could have made this step now."

"Your daughter?" I asked.

He nodded. "My wife left when Jasper was just a baby. I raised him and Maggie on my own. I thought I was doing a good job, but then Maggie got pregnant her senior year and had a baby to raise. Jasper . . . Well, I guess a part of me always knew he was gay. I just didn't want to admit it. See, I was raised to believe that it was a sin, that God would damn people like him to hell."

"Do you still think that?"

Jackson shook his head. "No, ma'am. Not one little bit."

"Why not?"

"I had heart attack last year. Died on the table. Took them nearly two minutes to bring me back, from what the doctors tell me. I had to have open heart surgery and, well, it opened my eyes to a lot about my life. See, I didn't have anyone sitting at my bedside. Maggie had pushed me away after I kicked Jasper out. I barely saw her, barely knew my grandson. My stubbornness kept me from having a real relationship with Owen. He's almost ten now, almost too old to want me in his life anymore."

"That's not true," I disagreed. "There's still plenty of time."

"I hope you're right, but I don't know. He has a new family. His momma met a man a few months ago who loves her, loves him. They're getting married and, well, she wants Jasper and Edward at the wedding. Told me if I want to be a part of her life again, I have to make things right with him. So I'm trying."

"For her," I said. "Not for him, though. For Maggie."

"For both of them. She was closer, easier bridge to mend, I guess, but I'm still here because I want a relationship with him."

"You don't have to convince me."

"You're important to my son. Your approval means a lot to him," Jackson murmured. "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for being my son's friend. He's lucky to have you."

I shook my head and bit my lip as I looked back at Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper, who almost looked panicked. "I'm the lucky one."

Jackson smiled but didn't say anything as he turned and walked back up the beach to his son, to continue his effort in rebuilding their relationship. As I turned my attention back onto the water, I felt a glimmer of hope that one day soon, my world would be healed.