28

"What time is it?" Tyler asked, flopping onto the sofa next to me. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from cursing as the motion of him falling onto the furniture caused me to poke myself in the thumb with a needle.

"What time was it when you asked me five minutes ago?" I countered, looking at him over the top of the bear I'd been making him. Why I picked such a ridiculously difficult project was something I wasn't sure I understood, but a late night of searching through Pinterest had spurned me into turning his now too small T-shirt into an adorable little bear. I was an idiot.

"Um, half past eleven," he replied.

"Well, add five minutes to that and you'll know what time it is," I teased, and when he scowled, I placed the bear on the couch between me and the arm and scooped the small boy onto my lap. "I know you're excited about your class tonight, but you're driving me bonkers, kiddo. You need to go find something to do, or I'll find you something, which will probably have something to do with that mess under your bed."

"Oh no!" Tyler scrambled out of my arms and rushed down the hallway to his bedroom.

Laughing, I turned my attention back to the bear I was sewing. Three weeks had passes since we had dinner with his brother, since Marcus felt the need to come out of the closet, and tell us about his relationship with Phil. While we both knew he was gay, it was a little odd to think about him and Phil being together. That was, until we met them for lunch the day and saw the two together. They were adorable and they looked at each other the way Carlisle and I did: love and lust. Marcus was in the process of shifting his medical practice to San Francisco, which amused Garrett. He and Kate had just moved to L.A. and now his big brother was moving. He joked that Marcus just wanted to get away from him, something Marcus never denied, but I knew Garrett was happy for his brother. Both of his brothers.

I shifted my attention to smaller of our two sofas, watching Michael sit cross legged with a sketch pad perched on his lap. He had his tongue sticking out between his teeth as he sketched. He shifted his eyes to me and I quickly looked away, but smiled. He hated when I watched him draw, yet he loved drawing in the same room as me. Slowly, I'd won my son's heart back.

—TW—

"Honey, I'm home," Carlisle announced as he walked into the beach house, but paused when he saw me standing between Tyler and Michael, who were trying to get around me in order to beat the crap out of each other. "Bad day?"

I laughed sardonically before turning my attention to the boys. "Sit, hands planted under your butts, and not one word. I mean it, or I will lose my shit."

Michael and Tyler's eyes widen, knowing that when I dropped a curse word in front of them, things were serious. They moved to the couches, sitting with their hands under them, but giving each other dirty looks. I blew out a deep breath before walking over to Carlisle and dragging him out onto the porch.

"Those two have been fighting non-stop for the last two hours," I grumbled. "Tyler's been up my ass all damn day and when he got tired of annoying me, he turned his attention to Michael, who was quite content with spending the day sketching. Tyler apparently didn't like that his brother was ignoring him because while I was in the bathroom, he stole Michael's sketch book and threw it in the trash, where it got covered in last night's tuna casserole, that you forgot to take out this morning when you left for work. Michael felt the need to pin Tyler to the ground and spit in his mouth as payback, which just sent Tyler off into a rage about contracting Ebola and dying. By the time I got to them, they were trying to strangle each other. So, yeah, been a bad day."

"Wow," he said with a scoff. "I don't even know what to say."

"Are we sure that enrolling the boys into a class that will teach them how to fight is a good idea?"

"Not after what you've just told me," he laughed. "But I've already paid for the class. Besides, you have class tonight, too."

I frowned, not wanting to think about my class that evening. Liam had encouraged me to return to Felix's self-defense class, saying that until I learned to protect myself, I would never, fully feel safe. He was right. Logically, I knew this, but I was still nervous.

"Hey, you're ready," he said, cupping my face with his hands.

"I know," I whispered, but a loud crash turned our attention inside and when we walked back into the house, we found the boys laying on the couch, which they had somehow managed to knock over. "You deal with these two. I'm going to go start dinner."

While I walked into the kitchen, I heard the boys rambling on about how the couch had magically fallen backward and they hadn't done anything, all while Carlisle yelled at them to stop acting like lunatics. God, I loved my little family.

—TW—

Two hours later, the boys had turned the couch the right way, apologized for their behavior, eaten their grilled chicken and green beans without complaining, and were buckled into the back seat of Carlisle's car. We were on our way to class, though I was still nervous. It wasn't that I didn't want to learn self-defense, because I was tired of being a victim, but at the same time, the thought of being vulnerable had me trembling.

Carlisle placed his hand on top of mine, causing me to look at him. He winked and smiled, but didn't say anything. He worried too much about me, something he had been working on, but that was just who he was. The people in his life, the ones he held near and dear, were everything and almost losing me had been hard on him. When I left, even though I did it for their safety, had nearly destroyed him. It took me a while to understand that while I felt I was being noble, a part of my actions had been selfish.

"Stop looking at me!" Michael snarled and I looked back just as he raised his hand to smack Tyler.

"Don't even think about it, little man," I threatened.

"He keeps looking at me," Michael whined, and when I looked at Tyler, he shook his head and said, "No, I'm not. I'm just looking out that window."

"Well, look out your own window," I said, gesturing to his side of the car. "You two need to chill out before you get in some serious trouble, like not going with me and Dad to Disney next week."

"What?" Michael exclaimed.

"That's not fair!" Tyler wailed. "You wouldn't leave us behind, would you, Mommy?"

"After the way you behaved today?" I scoffed and shifted back in my seat. "Yes, I would."

"Daddy, you wouldn't leave us, would you?" Tyler asked, sounding horrified.

"Yep," he said, with a pop.

"No fair," he cried.

"It's okay, Ty," Michael said, placing his hand on Tyler's shoulder. "They won't really leave us behind. Besides, if they did, we'd get the house all to ourselves, just like in that old movie."

"What movie?" I asked, looking back at them again.

"Home Alone," he said. "It's ancient, so you may not have heard about it. Like really, really, really old."

"It's not that old," I muttered, but I wasn't sure he heard me as he and Tyler started planning what they'd do if Carlisle and I really did leave them behind next week. Oh, those two boys had scary minds.

When we got to the rec center, Carlisle took off after the boys as they raced to their new karate class and I headed in the opposite direction, once again finding myself in Felix's large classroom with a dozen other women who had signed up for his course.

"Good evening, ladies," Felix said as he entered his classroom. He looked around the room, his eyes stopping on me and I knew he remembered me. He smiled, but didn't say anything as he tossed his bag against the wall, and pulled off his fleece jacket. "The goal of this class is to empower you to feel safe and confident when out in the real world. It is not a place for you to learn to beat the shit out of some guy, so if that's why you signed up, you might as well leave."

And just like the first time I took his class, two women grabbed their stuff and left. Felix laughed and shook he head, but turned serious as he faced the rest of us who were ready to take his class. After giving his usual 'don't be afraid to punk a dude in the junk' speech, he had everyone divide into pairs. Seeing as I didn't know anyone else, I was left without a partner.

"I'll be your partner, Bella," Felix said, gesturing for me to join him.

"How'd you know my name?" I asked, trying to remember if he'd taken the time to learn it last time.

"Recognized your name on the roster." He turned his attention to the class. "One person will be the attacker, coming from behind. The other will use their elbows, feet, and head to defend themselves. After a while, we will switch."

Class rolled on with Felix playing the role of my attacker, while I fought him off. My heart was racing a mile a minute, and more than once, I had to take a break to keep from flying off into a full panic attack. All I could imagine was his arms around me, his hands touching me. Him calling me a whore, a slut, demanding that I was his.

Nobody owned me.

"Great job tonight, ladies. Hopefully, I'll see you next week. In the meantime, remember that nobody has the right to make you uncomfortable and when in doubt, scream for help. Goodnight."

I walked back to where my bag was sitting and picked it up, pulling a bottle of water from inside. As I took a drink, I turned and looked around, finding that everyone but Felix had already left. He was standing in front of the room with his own bag, but he was watching me.

"Why'd you come back?" he asked, not even pretending to hide his curiosity. "After last time, I figured you'd never step inside here again."

"A lot has changed since then," I said, softly.

"Yeah, I saw the news. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, Bella. Not by him, or by the media."

"Thanks," I murmured.

"Look, I know you don't know me, you don't trust me, and I understand why, but if you stick with my class, I will give you the confidence to feel safe in a world full of hardship."

"Yeah?" I asked. "That's the key, huh? Take your class and creepers won't look at me and think a simple smile means more than it does?"

"No," he admitted. "But you're taking the first steps toward getting your life back, and that's huge for survivors."

"I don't feel like a survivor."

"You will," he said, chuckling. "One day. Will I see you next week?"

"No," I admitted, and when he frowned, I added, "But only because I'm going on a trip with my family. I'll be back the week after, though."

"Good enough. Take care of yourself."

"I'll try."

As I left Felix standing there, I tried to be strong and brave, have the confidence I once had. Back before my father was murdered, before my mother turned to booze, before people I had known my entire life had turned their backs on me. But I wasn't that same girl and there wasn't any point in pretending. I wasn't a survivor, yet, but maybe one day I would be.

Carlisle and the boys were waiting for me in the lobby of the rec center. The boys' faces were red and their hair matted with sweat, but they looked like they'd had a good time.

"Hey, how'd it go?" I asked, accepting Carlisle's hand as he reached for me.

"It was good," he said, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"It was better than good!" Tyler exclaimed. "Our teacher broke five boards with just the side of his hand, Mom. Five!"

"Wow," I laughed at his excitement.

"He said if we work hard and show discipline we'll be able to do that, too," he added. "What's discipline mean?"

"It means don't do things that you know you're not supposed to," I explained.

"Oh," he said, sounding deflated.

I shook my head and looked at Michael. "Did you like it?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "It was kind of neat, but I don't know that I'd ever want to break boards."

"Why not?" I asked as Carlisle gestured for us to follow him outside.

"I might hurt my hands," he explained, his tone sounding like he couldn't believe I didn't know. "I can't be an artist if I break my hands, can I?"

"No, I guess you can't."

The boys told me every detail about their first class, where they mostly learned the proper way to enter the mats, how to bow, and proper stances. Carlisle had the biggest grin on his face, even if he didn't add much to the conversation, and I knew why. The boys were happy. After a long few weeks, or hell months, we were a happy family.

I was surprised to see Alice and Rose's car parked outside of the beach house when we pulled up. We hadn't spoken to them since the night of Michael's art show. Carlisle and I shared a look as we climbed out of the car and followed the boys up the path. Alice, Esme, Rose, and Emmett were seated on the front steps. As soon as Michael and Tyler saw them, they took off running.

"Alice, Esme!" Tyler cried out.

"Emmett, you should see my new painting," Michael exclaimed, leaping into his arms.

"Love too, little man, but I need to talk to your momma first," Emmett said, shifting his eyes from my son to me. "Please, Bella."

Sighing, I turned to Carlisle. "Take them in. I'll be there in a second."

"If you're sure," he said, not hiding his displeasure. Carlisle had been so sure they'd get over their anger with me, but then they showed up to Michael's art show and when he heard what they said to me in the hallway, his patience turned to outrage. "Come on, boys."

Tyler and Michael followed their father into the house, and I turned my attention back to the people who used to be my closest friends. There was a time, and not that long ago, when they were all I had, yet they turned against me in my moment of weakness.

"Well, what do you want to say?" I asked.

"To talk," Rose said. "To apologize."

"Gee, only took you three months, but whatever," I muttered.

"Look, we're sorry, Bella," Esme insisted. "But you didn't just leave Carlisle and the boys, you know? You left us, too."

I bit the inside of my lip as I nodded, feeling my anger brewing at the thought of having to explain myself . . . again.

"We're not blaming you," Emmett said, putting his hands up as he took a step toward me. Automatically, I stepped backward. "I would never hurt you, Bella."

"I know," I lied, because I wasn't sure about anything anymore. I never thought they'd turn their backs on me the way they had, either. I expected them to be mad, but to understand that the night I left, I did so because it was my own way of protecting them.

"We just want to put everything behind us and move on," Rose said, placing her hand on Emmett's shoulder and pulling him back. "We miss you, Bella."

"I miss you, too," I admitted. "But when I needed you, you pushed me away."

"So did you," Alice said, speaking for the first time. I shifted my eyes to hers, noticing how red and puffy hers were. "Even before you left, you pushed us away. Everything was always about Carlisle or the boys, and we were left without our best friend."

"You're mad because I made my husband and children my priority?" I gapped at her, stunned. "You know what? Just leave. If you are just going to stand here and lecture me on how much I've failed, then I don't want to hear it."

"That's not what I said," Alice cried, and Esme automatically put her arm around her lover. "You were my person, Bella. My goddamn person, and suddenly, you had Carlisle and you didn't need me anymore. It hurt. It hurt a lot, so yeah, I lashed out and got angry because while you almost died at the hands of that sick, son-of-a-bitch, we were left behind, unable to protect you!"

I shook my head. "You were never going to be able to protect me, Alice. Gabriel Varner had been watching me for years. He saw me as quest, a challenge, and he wasn't going to let anyone keep him from getting his hands on me," I whimpered. "He killed Charlie and Renee, Peter . . . He would have killed anyone who got in his way, and that's why I left. A selfish and hard as it was, I left because I couldn't live with the idea of him hurting you, Alice. Or Esme, or Rose, and you, Emmett. And instead of being there and telling me that it was okay to be angry, scared, hurt, you pushed me away. Pushed me away, Alice. After everything we've been though, you were the one person I never expected to push me away."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I am so fucking sorry," she cried, pulling away from Esme and throwing herself against me.

I didn't want to hug her. I wanted to lash out at her, tell her never to come near me again, but I had missed her too damn much. So instead, I wrapped my arms around her and let my tears fall, let my anger go, and tried to forgive my best friend.

"We're sorry, too," Emmett muttered.

I laughed as I peeked over Alice's shoulder and opened my arms to the three of them. They rushed over, falling on me and Alice, causing us to fall to the ground. The sound of our laughter filled the air as we untangled ourselves, shifting so that we were seated in the sand that led up to the front porch of mine and Carlisle's beach house.

"I'm sorry," I said, quietly. "I never meant to hurt you, or push you away. But Carlisle, Michael, Tyler — they're my people right now. Not my only people, but the most important people in my life. We've had work our asses off to get back to being okay, and I won't give them up for anyone. Not even you guys."

"We're not asking you to," Esme insisted. "We just want to be a part of your life, too. You know, if you hadn't given me the push, I don't know that I would have had the guts to tell Alice how much I loved her, or come out of the closet."

"I did?"

Esme nodded. "Just after Alice and I started dating, the three of us were hanging out in Port Angeles, just milling around the mall. I grabbed Alice's hand and this little old lady glared at us. I was about to release it when you held her other hand. It doesn't sound like much, but to me, it was like you were saying to hell with anyone who thinks we were trash."

"You kind of did the same for me," Emmett admitted. "I'd loved Rose for so long, but I was afraid to tell her. Afraid she'd reject me because my parents were poor and hers weren't, but you were always so confident and strong, when I finally had the chance, I told Rose how I felt."

"Took him too long," Rose teased, laying her head on her shoulder. "Hell, Bella, if you hadn't had the courage to be with Carlisle, I'd be at Brown right now. I was terrified of betraying my parents, of being myself. It turned out they just want me to be happy. Imagine that."

"I'm glad you're not," I said, softly. "I always felt like me and Carlisle getting together made us a family. With Edward and Jasper, and you guys, Marcus, Garrett, Kate. I don't know. I guess, I thought we were stronger together than we were apart."

"We are," Alice said, leaning her head on my shoulder. "And we're really sorry that we let our anger keep us from being there for you."

"I was so scared," I whimpered. "Still am. All the time."

"Nobody's gonna hurt you again, Bella," Emmett declared.

And for a moment, I almost believed him.