Chapter 11: What's eating her? (The Day Tokyo-3 Stood Still)
Rei was already home by the time Asuka got back to the apartment, minding her own business reading. A couple of hours before, Asuka had gotten to enjoy a revitalizing dip in Mt. Asama's hot springs and forget her troubles for a while as a well-deserved reward for slaying Sandalphon. Now the buzz had worn off, and she had to return to reality.
"Greetings," Rei said as she heard the door close in front of her and looked up to see her fiery red-haired comrade had returned. For Asuka, seeing Rei was like getting a rude pinch to awaken from a dream. Kensuke may have been handsome himself, especially without his glasses, but the events at the volcano reminded her exactly why she liked Shinji so much out of all the guys she knew. Of everyone she'd met, he was the only one she felt she could be even remotely safe letting her guard down around. He was the one boy who might actually be worthy of her. And here was his perfect freak of a girlfriend who'd taken him from her before she could even get a chance to meet him. None of it was fair.
"Hey," Asuka brusquely responded before promptly going to the bathroom to shower and prepare for bed. As she shut the door behind her, Rei briefly looked up from her book and turned her attention in the direction of the noise. Pilot Sohryu had used a tone much like the one she spoke in whenever she was upset or agitated. There was something she was unhappy about, but Rei herself was not privy to it, and wasn't entirely certain what it could be. Still, she was living with Asuka and borrowing many of her belongings. This could be a good opportunity to practice some more of the courtesy between host and guest that Shinji and Misato had introduced her to.
"The bathroom's all yours," Asuka announced as she came out in her sleeping clothes about 30 minutes later. "...What? Aren't you going to take a shower?"
"You are displeased with something. I would like to know what it is so that I may assist you."
(in German) "Tsk. Assist me?! How could you possibly help me? What would you know about wanting something you can't have?"
(in German) "…I am familiar with the feeling."
(in German) "Don't pull my leg, Wondergirl! Everyone else likes you and you're good at everything you do and… and you get to be Shinji's g… girlfriend! What could you possibly be lacking for?!"
(in German) "It is not true that I am good at everything. I am still less skilled at piloting Eva than either you or Shinji. And I have not been able to accompany him in battle and protect him like you have. Not since we fought Ramiel have I had such an opportunity. My presence in those battles would jeopardize our safety." Rei looked down and blushed. (in German) "Furthermore, we are not allowed to be …intimate. That too would create a dangerous risk for us."
Asuka was once again dumbstruck by what she was hearing. To be honest, she hadn't really considered how Rei might've felt being away from Shinji, especially the week they spent holed up in Misato's apartment sync training. And even if Asuka did beat Rei to Shinji's heart, Misato would still impose those limits on what they could do with each other.
"I still do not understand what you are displeased with," observed Rei. "What is it that you want?"
(in German) "…Someone I can connect with. Someone who can help me sleep soundly at night. …Someone like Shinji."
(in German) "I see. May I sleep in your bed with you?"
Asuka's face turned bright red as Rei looked back up at her. (in German) "Wh-what are you-?!"
(in German) "You have made me happy by protecting him. Therefore, I would like to consider you a friend. I do not know if I am capable of fulfilling your needs, but I wish to try."
Asuka didn't know what to make of this suggestion. She could trust that Rei wasn't bringing it up out of a desire to taunt her; she didn't seem like that kind of person. Furthermore, she knew now that Rei was suffering like she was, in her own way. Even so, the idea of conceding to her rival any more than she absolutely needed was something Asuka couldn't bring herself to accept.
(in German) "I'm going to have to pass on that."
(in German) "Is there something else you would like me to do for you tonight?"
"Don't do anything."
The small smile that had crept across Rei's face when she made the offer faded back away. "I understand. Then I shall prepare to go to bed myself. Good night, Pilot Sohryu." Rei entered the bathroom to shower. Asuka, for her part, went to bed and resigned herself to another night alone.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Kensuke finished his basic training with Unit-03 today. It was about as difficult to watch as you'd expect. From the get-go, he was able to handle his Eva's weapons just fine. The problems came when he started taking hits from the Angel replicas' attacks. I can still remember him screaming after getting impaled by Sachiel for the first time. As you can guess, getting used to proper combat took him much longer compared to when I did basic training. His lower sync rate with Unit-03 might not have helped. Nevertheless, he managed to get the hang of everything before the day was done, though he still needs to work on fighting in close quarters.
I checked on him before we left HQ to see how he was doing afterwards. He told me he was fine and had an even greater appreciation for his fellow pilots now after getting a better idea of the crap we all have to go through. This made it all the more important to him that he get serious about his training so that he doesn't hold the rest of us back. I just hope he doesn't overdo it somehow. At least he's taking piloting better than I thought he would.
Besides that, nothing else important happened today. Our classmates fly back from Okinawa tomorrow afternoon, so we'll be there to greet Touji and Hikari when they get off the plane. I hope they enjoyed their stay. I wonder what kind of pictures they took…
Monday, September 21, 2015
Touji and Hikari arrived safely back in Tokyo-3 from Okinawa on Saturday. We were going to ask them how the trip went, but they were both kind of tired and had a lot to talk about, so we figured we'd give them more time to readjust and wait until today at lunch to do so.
Touji managed to grab plenty of photos of Shuri Castle as well as the karate and oceanic culture museums. He and Hikari had a lot of fun in Okinawa, and Kensuke and I were surprised to learn that the two had become friends. Turns out they both spend a good deal of time taking care of their respective sisters and got to connect with each other over that. Kensuke teased Touji a little about being in love with Hikari, but Touji insisted it was just platonic. Personally, if Touji and Hikari like each other romantically, I think that's fine. That shouldn't get in the way of us all staying friends, right?
"So, how was Okinawa~?" Asuka playfully queried.
"It was amazing!" responded Hikari. "There are so many beautiful places to see, like Sefa-Utaki and Cape Manzamo. And those are only the tip of the iceberg. I just wish we could've stayed longer, because there's so much to do."
"Ugh, you're so lucky! That meathead Touji didn't give you any trouble, did he?"
"No, not at all. Actually, between you and me… I think I feel a lot closer to him now." Asuka's expression started to sour as she gathered where this was headed. "We were at the aquarium one day when we ran into this little boy crying in the corner. He'd wandered too far away from his parents and gotten lost. Touji helped him figure out where they might've gone and we returned him to them."
"I don't believe this."
"It surprised me a little, too. Later, he told me more about his sister Sakura. Did you know that whenever he's able, he tries to visit her in the hospital about twice a week?"
"…No. I didn't."
"That's really sweet of Touji to make sure she's still being treated well. I live with my dad and my two sisters, Nozomi and Kodama, and I have to cook for all of us because Kodama and our dad have to work to pay the bills. So I can empathize with him. Isn't it funny how learning more about someone can change the way you think of them?"
"Yeah. It sure is," Asuka replied unenthused. She was tempted to ask what happened to Hikari's mother, but considering her own memories of her mother's death were still too painful, she decided it better to refrain.
"I hope you can find someone who's right for you one day, Asuka. You deserve it."
Asuka unhappily turned her gaze towards Shinji sitting with his friends, and then to Rei sitting next to him.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Another Angel attack occurred this afternoon. And it just had to be in the middle of a blackout. After we had to take a science test at school, no less.
As we walked to the train station to Nerv HQ, the four of us pilots discussed how we thought we did on the test. I feel a lot more confident in my performance here than on the last one, thanks to Kensuke's help last week. Rei said she felt she performed acceptably too. As for Asuka, she was decidedly more reluctant to talk about how she did. She tried to deflect the issue by claiming "dumb tests like these don't matter" to her as she'd already graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science in Physics prior to arriving in Japan. When Kensuke expressed his skepticism, having known before the field trip about both me and Asuka having underwhelming grades, she defended herself by saying the only reason she was struggling with the tests here was that she never got to learn all the necessary kanji while in college, and further insisted she could figure out the rest on her own if she wanted to.
At the station, we were startled to discover that none of our ID cards were working to let us enter. Nor were any of the emergency phones working. As it turned out, the power had somehow gone out all over the city, and we had to make our way to HQ on foot through the underground tunnels.
"Now then, before we go any further, we need to decide on a group leader. Naturally, I'll take the position of leader," Asuka proudly declared. "Any objections?"
"Um, personally, I think it might be a better idea to make Rei the leader," Shinji suggested.
"Hmph. Figures you'd say that. You just don't wanna upset your girlfriend, do you?" teased Asuka.
"N-no, that's not it. I just thought that since she's been here longer than any of us have, she might know her way around better."
"I agree with Shinji," Kensuke added. "I know I'm not qualified to be the leader, having. Y'know. Forgotten my emergency manual at home. If anyone should be the leader, it should be whoever knows the way best."
Asuka smirked and turned towards Rei, who was keeping silent during this exchange. "Well, Wondergirl, do you think you're up to the task?"
"I will take whatever position best facilitates our safe arrival at headquarters."
"Then it's settled. Me as leader it is! Now let's go."
"The closest route we can take is that way," Rei pointed in the opposite direction Asuka was facing. The boys could only sigh anxiously as everyone got moving.
Despite our objections, Asuka decided to take the lead and guide us through. This was probably a mistake, as it took us drastically longer to get to HQ with her in charge than it should have in theory. On the upside, we were able to hear Mr. Hyuga passing by in a van far above us, alerting bystanders that an Angel was approaching. We really didn't have any time to waste now. Luckily, Rei was able to find us a shortcut through a ventilation shaft. As we crawled through the shaft, I wondered aloud what exactly the Angels are. Why are our enemies named after messengers of God who are supposedly benevolent? What does it all mean? But none of the others seemed to share my curiosity.
"Pssst! Shinji!" Kensuke whispered as Asuka led the group down another shaft.
"What is it?"
"Is there a reason we're still following Asuka around? We've been navigating these tunnels for almost ten minutes now and I'm getting nervous!"
"I don't like this either. But we need to stay together to make sure we're all safe. Anything could happen down here."
"Yeah. I guess you're right."
The group soon found themselves facing a door with a glowing red outline. "Y'see? This has gotta be the way out this time!" Asuka confidently asserted. She kicked open the door, and the group was greeted by a view of the world outside. As well as a view of a massive, pointed black leg coming down from above, only inches away from crushing her. The group peered out long enough to see a giant green spider-like creature covered in eyes before Asuka hurriedly shut the door back.
"Well, we have visual confirmation of the Angel now. So we know we have to hurry." Asuka said as she tried to regain her composure.
"We figured out we have to hurry four minutes ago," Shinji reminded her. "Look, can't we just let Rei lead?"
"B-but-!"
"Yeah. Since you clearly don't know where you're going," Kensuke shot back. "So if we don't wanna waste any more time, we should let Rei guide us instead."
Rei finally spoke up and agreed. "It is clear now that I will get us to headquarters more quickly this way."
Asuka reluctantly conceded. "Arrgh! Fine! Just do whatever you want! But don't come crying to me if we all die!"
Asuka led us further and further with seemingly no end in sight. Eventually, we ended up at a door leading outside, and she nearly got stepped on by the Angel, a big green spider later designated Matarael, before closing it back. At this point, the rest of us decided we'd spent long enough going nowhere and made Rei the leader.
"I hear you're Commander Ikari's favorite."
"…"
"I wouldn't have expected anything less from a teacher's pet like you."
"Hey, Asuka, I don't think this is a good time to-"
"And I bet it feels really good to have Shinji at your beck and call!"
Suddenly, before Shinji could say anything back, Kensuke angrily cut in front of Asuka. "Okay, what the hell is your problem today?! Why are you so fixated on outdoing Rei? Is this about how you did on the science test? None of that is Rei's fault and it's wrong of you to be giving her all this crap for your own failings!"
"Bwah ha ha! Oh, you still think that's what this is about?" Asuka laughed to herself. "I told you already, I couldn't give less of a damn about your broken Japanese school system if I tried! Besides, it's not like you could ever understand how it feels to be in my position!"
"How it feels to be in your position? What, as the top Eva pilot? Why does that matter? Are you afraid of Rei beating you in that too? Why don't you give Shinji more trouble for that, since he has a higher sync rate than her and more experience?"
"Th-that's… I…"
Kensuke calmed down a little and sighed. "I can tell there's something more to this that you're not comfortable talking about. That's fine. None of us can force it out of you. But if we don't know what's bothering you, then we can't do anything to help. Just think about it a little more, alright? And Shinji… Sorry for bringing you up. I didn't mean any offense by it."
"None taken, Ken. Let's just get going."
As Rei led us to HQ, Asuka started trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of her by talking about her being Father's favorite and how nice it must be for me to be her boyfriend. She was starting to get insufferable. I would've said something back, but Kensuke called her out on her antics before I could, and got into a short argument with her over them before we continued onwards.
It's easy to tell now that Asuka's jealous of Rei. And I think she might be upset that I'm seeing Rei and not her. After all, there was that time when Asuka was sleeping all over me the night before Israfel. But I can't help how I feel about either girl. I just hope the day doesn't come where I have to tell Asuka to her face that I'm not interested in her that way.
Eventually, after crawling through another ventilation shaft, we fell into the bridge. Astoundingly, Father had led the other Nerv personnel in manually readying the Evas for launch, even going as far as directly participating. There was a catch, though. There was only enough manpower available to ready three Evas, and Rei's Unit-00 would be staying behind. That meant it was just Asuka, Kensuke and I going up against Matarael. Before we sortied, we thanked Rei for helping to lead us to the bridge in time, and to add to the surprise of the situation, Asuka apologized to her for lashing out earlier. I guess that means she's thinking about Kensuke's advice at least a little bit.
Matarael was parked over a vertical shaft above HQ. As we crawled to the shaft to intercept it, it began spewing acid from its eye that caused us to be knocked further down and drop our pellet rifles. We needed to dive into a nearby side duct to hide as we came up with a plan. It was here that Asuka was finally able to perform in her area of expertise. Her plan involved one of us in an offense role, one in a defense role, one in a support role. The defender would shield the attacker from the Angel's acid and neutralize its AT Field while the supporter went down to retrieve our rifles. Finally, the attacker would shoot at the Angel and destroy it. I initially offered to take the defense role, but Asuka insisted on taking it instead to repay me for saving her from falling into Mt. Asama. This left me with the support role, while Kensuke eagerly took the offense role. The plan was a success, and Matarael went down with little trouble.
After we finished the debriefing, I finally got to inform Misato of another career guidance meeting happening next week at school. I'd meant to do so earlier, but didn't get a chance to because of the Angel attack. Later tonight, I got the idea to re-read some of the old journal entries I've written. I sure have come a long way from the confused, frightened kid I was when I first arrived here in Tokyo-3. That's not to say I'm fearless. I still have anxieties about the friends I've made and their safety, and I still don't know how ready I am to face Father. But I'm going to do what I can to protect the people dear to me.
Additionally, after seeing Asuka lead us today, I think I understand now what Rei meant by there being good in everyone. Nobody is completely good (I know I'm not), but it's also the case that nobody is completely bad either. That goodness in everyone must be what Rei wants to preserve and protect from being destroyed by the Angels. I think I want to protect that too. Heh… I'm really lucky to have met the both of them.
That night, Asuka and Rei had dinner with Shinji and Misato before returning to their apartment next door to freshen up and go to bed. Now that the two were alone again, Asuka was ready to speak her mind.
"Hey, Rei."
"What is the matter?"
"I'm sorry again for treating you like garbage today. You didn't deserve any of that."
"I accept your apology. But you already said you were sorry at the cages. Why do you do it again?"
"I just feel awful about hurting you after everything you were doing for us. Without your help, we might all be dead right now."
"That is true. …Kensuke said there was something behind your aggression that you were uncomfortable discussing."
"Yeah. There was."
"Are you still discomforted by it? I ask because I still wish to aid you with your troubles."
(in German) "...The reason I acted that way towards you is that I was envious of you. Actually, I kinda still am. Especially because you get to have Shinji as your boyfriend and I don't."
(in German) "I see. So you are in love with Shinji too. So then why don't you tell him how you feel?"
Asuka was shocked that Rei could so casually suggest they share Shinji between each other. (in German) "Are you out of your mind?! Th-that's not how boyfriend-girlfriend stuff is supposed to work! I can't just take him from you while you're still dating him! Besides, even if he was open for the taking …I haven't earned him. Not like you have."
(in German) "Then what else can I do?"
(in German) "…Remember when you offered to sleep next to me? If you want, I'll let you."
(in German) "I thought you wished to sleep by yourself?"
(in German) "No, that's not it at all. What was going on was that I didn't want to sleep next to my biggest rival. But considering how …uncomfortable I still get sleeping on my own, I'm more willing now to take a chance on you."
(in German) "…Thank you."
(in German) "But I have one condition! This stays a secret from everyone. If you tell even a single soul about it, I'll kill you. Got it?"
A smile returned to Rei's face. (in German) "Is this another one of your figures of speech?"
(in German) "You're catching on quicker. I like that. Now let's get ready for bed. I'm beat…"
AUTHOR NOTES:
Yaaaaay. I finally got around to finishing this chapter. And all it took me was graduating from college with my Master's degree in Computer Science and overcoming a philosophical/existential crisis that almost resulted in me canceling SIDP outright. No more Discord server, though, because very few people were using it.
I no longer have school to deal with, so that should give me a lot more free time to work with. But at the same time I also need to start looking for a real job now, and so I'm not entirely sure how long this overabundance of free time will last me. Either way, I have decided not to give up on finishing this fic, even if it takes me years to do so because of IRL crap.
Sorry about the lack of proper German dialogue this time. Once the fic is close enough to being finished I'll ask Hermän to just translate all the remaining chapters' worth of it at once so that I don't have to pester him as often about it.
Special thanks to Evageeks for help with canon fact-checking (including timeline planning), and to Argent-of-Cintria (Lord-Argent-fourth-of-his-name) and Majestik Moose for pre-reading this chapter. A very special thanks to Moose in particular; without his encouragement, this project would probably be dead, and I'd still be stuck in my depressed antinatalist phase.