I'M BACK, BABY.
Buckle up and enjoy the mess I have written.
Gillian: Proud of you
Cal: For what? Gillian: Admit it, you were holding out for more than a handshake.
Cal: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Gillian: Seven figures
Cal: You know this is all your fault.
Gillian: You're welcome.
He replays the day in his head, their parting words ringing in his mind as comfortable silence settles around them like a blanket. Warm and inviting. Loving, even, if he's honest. Her fingers absently running along his arm and tracing his tattoo make him
"I didn't sleep with her…" he says suddenly, almost out of nowhere and she cracks an eye open to look at him.
"Clara…" he continues, still not a hundred percent sure why he feels the need to do explain himself to her.
It's not like they're married, or in a relationship. They're sex. An affair that started just after her divorce on a balmy summers night. An affair that they continue because they both enjoy it. Open ended. Sex, and at times, an almost domestic bliss.
"I know." She says, lips curling ever so slightly at the thought that she read him right.
"Gill…" He breathes her name as he rolls over and looks at her.
"Cal." She replies almost matter of factly.
"How were you so sure?"
It's a question that lingers between them for a moment, her eyes searching his desperately trying to understand what he wants of her, and she smirks before answering.
"Because I know you."
'Because I know you.' He repeats the words to himself in his head. She does know him. Better than he knows himself in some instances, and yet here they are. Sex. Nothing more. He is sure in that moment he can feel a churning sensation in his stomach, and a pain in his heart. Something akin to guilt if he had ever felt it.
"Why didn't you?" She asks curiously, propping herself up on her arm and looking at him. Fingers still absently playing across his tattoo on his arm.
He's silent and she closes her eyes again, expecting him to ignore it.
"She wasn't the one I wanted."
The words are heavy and laden with emotion when they fall on her ears. An assault almost. This time it's her with the churning stomach as he continues.
"Only ever really wanted one person…"
She swallows at those words, her voice failing her, a silent "I see," lingering from her lips, as she opens and then shuts her mouth. Her heart knew this day would come. The day he admitted he could never love anyone like he loved Zoe.
Cal rolls his eyes and sighs.
"Foster!" He says suddenly, his voice gruff, frustration taking over.
She shoots her eyes open and stares at him, confusion racing through her.
"Cal?" She asks in a voice that is much shakier than she would prefer.
"Are you intentionally daft or was the sex that good?
She's taken aback by the question, what did he want her to say?
"It's a shame you and Zoe couldn't stay together…" She mumbles, and she desperately wants to be anywhere else at this moment.
Cal laughs suddenly and she feels even more confused at that moment.
"The sex must have been really good to render Doctor Foster completely unable to see what I'm saying."
She stares. The confusion mounting, and a grimace forming. Is he making fun of her? Is this a joke? She rolls over with the intent of leaving when he grabs her hand and pulls her back suddenly.
"What?" She asks as he grips her wrist.
"It's you."
The words linger, floating around them like balloons at a fair and she shakes her head in confusion.
"What's me?"
"The only one I've wanted."
In that moment she is almost positive that Cal Lightman has lost the plot.
"Cal…"
"No, listen Gill. I'm serious."
She hates herself in that moment for the tears that form in her eyes.
"So what does that make us?" She asks.
He shrugs, "Open relationship?"
She furrows her brow at the term, she just isn't sure what to think.
"And what does that entail?"
"You" he says, "Can date, have sex, do all those things… so can I, I guess…" he trails off.
"And?" She prompts.
"I guess we keep the dynamic." He smiles.
There's a pause as she lies back down, her eyes on the ceiling as she thinks about what this means.
"What if…" she asks, "One of us gets serious with someone else?"
What if I want to be serious with you? She thinks to herself, the words bouncing around in her head.
He shrugs, "I guess we will deal with that if it happens… but for now, in this moment and all others like this, we have each other… we are each others…"
She leans over and kisses him before snuggling into him, her head on his chest, as she resumes her fingers tracing his tattoos.
"Okay…" She says "Open relationship."
"Open relationship." He repeats.