A tortoiseshell she-cat sat on the edge of a forest. The bright sunlight was reflecting from her pale golden eyes, and the wind was ruffling her thick fur. But the sunshine shadowed her thoughtful expression, and the tiny stars shining on her sleek pelt. It was like her body was here but her mind was not.
After all, what else could a cat do in Starclan but think about their past life.
She was watching a flowerfield, where a few apprentices played together, joy in their eyes. A sad smile was barely visible on her lips. "Remembering the past, aren't you." A voice came from behind her. She didn't have to turn to see who the newcomer was. She recognised the tone.
The golden she-cats words were not a question. Even though the two cats had different eyes and pelts, it was clear they were kin. Not different but not quite the same either.
When the tortoiseshell turned her gaze to her, she wasn't suprised to find sympathy in the golden ones face. The honey coloured she-cat was always predictable. Just like her father.
"Well, it's hard to forget. I wish I was still alive. I know you did, too." The tortoiseshell mewed. The golden she-cat just sighed and sat down next to her. But she didn't say anything for a long time.
When she finally spoke, her gaze was exasperated. "You can't mourn forever, Sorreltail. I know you miss him, Brackenfur I mean. But he's going to join us soon. I know how you feel." The golden she cat nuzzled the tortoiseshell ones ear.
"I know you know, Honeyfern. And I know it's not going to be long. But..." Sorreltail's sentence was cut off, and she didn't say no more. And Honeyfern just pressed against her mother, comforting.
They sat there for a while in a calming silence, watching the sunny field of flowers dancing in the breeze. The apprentices who had previously played there were gone now, the sounds of joyful cats along with them. All that remained was the sound of the wind and the birds chirping.
And both thought how the continuous greenleaf in Starclan was sometimes a little depressing.
"Honeyfern! Can you come hunting with me? Berrynose wanted to go, too." Both turned to see a black she-cat with vivid green eyes staring at them from the forest.
The golden she-cat perked up at the mention of the creamy coloured toms name. "Coming, Hollyleaf!" She rose up and quickly trotted after the other cat, without even a word of goodbye to her mother.
Sorreltail was left standing there alone again, feeling more wistful than ever. My kits are all grown up now. Some with their own families. She turned her pale golden gaze to the field again. Reminiscent.
I quess Honeyfern is pretty happy again, now that Berrynose has finally joined her. To her own suprise, she didn't feel the familiar jab of resentment when the creamy coloured tom was mentioned. She wasn't very fond of him. Always so arrogant and insensitive. She wrinkled her nose with distaste.
She remembered more than one time she had thought Honeyfern could do better than him. But of course she hadn't said those thoughts out loud, ever. It seemed like they loved eachother. And it was clear he had loved Poppyfrost.
Just like me and Brackenfur did. She felt tears at the corners of her eyes. Again. Don't you dare cry! She scolded herself. An old habit she had never truly gotten rid of.
Memories swam in her eyes like minnows in a pool. Bittersweet.
Sorreltail watched over them often, practically spending every moment of freetime she had sitting and watching him and the kits she had left behind. He had recently joined the elders den, and she could sense that the time was coming for him to join her.
I wish I could've stayed with you.
She wished she could've done more. Done more to help her clan after the great battle. Done more to prevent Seedpaw's death, shield her family from the grief of losing her. Done more to comfort Lilyheart after Snowbush's death. She wished she could've been there.
The tortoiseshell she-cat let out a growl of frustration.
Everyone had always told her she expected too much of herself, but she hadn't thought so. But that had changed after meeting Brackenfur.
She had always been told she couldn't find love from afar. So she had looked closer and found the perfect one.
After Willowpelt's and Whitestorm's deaths, she had been the most distraught from her siblings. But after healing somewhat, she had become stronger. She'd had to. She had wanted to. So she had pushed her grief aside and worked tirelessly to help others.
But that had all changed in one heartbeat.
She had been hunting with Brackenfur one night just when they had arrived to their new home at the lake. She had a smile on her face as she remembered how Firestar had always conveniently placed them together on patrols and training sessions.
They had been so young then, oblivious to the things that would twist their future.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"You know, you remind me of the forest." The yellow tom had glanced at her from the corner of his dark amber eyes, a smirk on his face.
"How so?" Sorreltail had asked. She remembered feeling curious.
"Because your eyes are like the sun. And you're as reliable as a rock." His expression had been calm and slightly amused.
She had smiled and asked teasingly; "Is the only thing good about me my personality?"
"If you ask me, then no. You might be slightly attractive." A faint smile danced on his lips again. He was always so positive, and that was one of the things she missed about him so much. Sensible and thoughtful.
"Aw, thank you. You might be wrong about that reliable part, though." She had let out a laugh, but secretly she had been flattered.
But Brackenfur hadn't laughed. Instead he had a slightly worried gaze. "No, seriously. You're reliable because you always expect too much out of yourself."
And at that, she had went quiet. No one else had noticed when she was struggling. Not even her own brothers or Leafpool, who she considered one of her best friends. And yet somehow he had.
They hadn't even been together at this point, but he had noticed. And that's where the thoughtful part came in.
Sorreltail had a lump in her throat. She hadn't known what to say, just shaking her head. "I-I... I'm wordless. How did you know?"
"You're always working too hard. You don't have to do that. You're enough, Sorreltail." His last words had been so comforting, and in that split heartbeat something inside of her had broken. A barrier she had so carefully built to become invicible. The sudden flood of emotions was too much.
And she had stepped closer to him, burying her head in his neckfur. First he had stiffened, but then he had noticed that her shoulders had been shaking with sobs.
So he had given her a comforting lick on the ear and murmured; "Shh. It's okay."
They had stood there for a long time, him whispering soothing words to her while Sorreltail sobbed. She hadn't cried this hard before, not even after Willowpelt's death. But he hadn't moved away from her, not since that day.
And when she had calmed down, they had a long conversation about life. One of many, which she had always greatly appreciated and now missed so much she thought her heart would break.
They had only stopped talking when the sun had started to rise. "I think we are expected back. Firestar will send a search party soon." He had said. Not quite serious.
She had laughed while responding. "Hopefully not. But let's get our prey and go."
They had talked the whole way back and somehow she had ended up taking a nap in his nest, his tail curled around her, his snoring being her lullaby. And she remembered that was the day she had realised she loved him.
...
Now all that remained of it was memories. Some sweet, some bitter. A lifetime of emotions, just gone like the wind had swept them all away.
Sorreltail turned her pale golden gaze to the sky again. Night was falling now, but she hardly noticed the darkness of a cold greenleaf evening. She felt like her heart would burst with longing.
It was hard to be sad in Starclan, surrounded by all of her old friends and kin who she thought she'd never see again. Too bad the only cat she truly missed was still alive, out of reach.
I always thought we would grow old together, watching our grandkits play in the sun while clan life went on without us. But it turned out that was never meant to be, no matter how much we wished so.