A/N: I have to say that I never foresaw 2012 beginning in such a dry way for me writing-wise (especially in comparison with how 2011 began in regards to this fic). All these months have been a struggle actually just trying to write :/ I mean, I did get some stuff going in a couple of other fics, but man, just trying to reach my personal minimum word limit was a hassle *lol* Anywho, thanks for still sticking around, everyone!

Flashback order: 14, 2, 9, 13, 17, 3, 15, 11, 8, 7, 6, 5, 12, 4, 10, 16.

Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite.

Chapter 21: Vacillate

Lacking any type of self-control when it came to Orihime, Ichigo had gone to Karakura soon after he met her mother in Inuzuri, trying to convince himself that one glimpse of her was all he needed to put his heart at ease.

He scratched the back of his head, faltering in step by the river, biting at the inside of his mouth worriedly. This one day apart was vastly different from all the other times he'd had to leave to perform his duty as the God of Death; in all those times, he knew she was at home, safe and waiting, albeit ignorant. Now, he couldn't even begin to be sure of anything when it came to her. What would she find here? Something that would greatly incriminate him that would diminish all that she'd ever felt for him?

He ran his hand over the mask on his face, heaving a nervous sigh. From the beginning, all that seemed to define him was a severe lack of judgment.

Downstream, he found two boats docked by the sprawling roots of willow trees. They were the ornate boats that allowed gods to travel between worlds. The way they were docked so neatly parallel to each other indicated that there hadn't been any kind of skirmish. Puzzled, Ichigo extended his mind to seek out Orihime and whomever of the gods happened to accompany her. His frown deepened at having felt no trace of her, and he spread out his consciousness once again, briefly seeing something black flitting at the edge of his periphery that he marginally brushed off in his concentration. Clenching his fists with worry, he angrily swiped at the black thing fluttering in front of him, only then finally noticing the butterfly that had been weaving back and forth at his face, trying to get his attention. Releasing a frustrated breath, he nodded to the insect and curbed his impatience as it delivered its message.

Mr Death, sir,
Please rest assured that your bride is safe under the protection of your most humble servant, Urahara Kisuke, the God of Invention and Knowledge. As part of my penance in what ever wrongdoing I seem to have done against your person, please accept this guardianship as my act of contrition. I, of course, know nothing whatsoever about why you've permitted your bride to journey out into the mortal world alone despite your warnings to us about the harm that the Goddess of Autumn might bring her, but I've taken it upon myself to offer my meagre services in order to beseech your forgiveness. It is my wholehearted hope that you'll find comfort in whatever aid I could bestow.
Your most humble servant, nothing but a beggar to the grace of the fearsome Death God,
Urahara Kisuke, the God of Invention and Knowledge

Ichigo had felt a vein in his forehead throbbing, intensifying exponentially as he listened to Kisuke's message. But despite the extreme annoyance he felt, he had to concede the fact that the God of Knowledge and Invention was more than capable of protecting Orihime by himself, if it had to come to that. He could only come to the conclusion that perhaps the wily god had invented some sort of contraption that enabled their presences and their spirits to be masked.

Gently opening his hand, he released the butterfly and watched its departure toward the sky. A part of him felt relieved, and the other was encompassed by an insurmountable feeling of emptiness. At the back of his mind sprang a grain of fearsome thought that made his heart beat erratically inside his chest: perhaps she didn't need him as much as he needed her.

A sudden breeze whipped the drooping leaves of the willow trees, and seeking escape from the foreboding feeling that plagued him, in a swirl of white, he was gone.

Dusk had cast a mantle of grey and blue across the sky when she and the God of Invention and Knowledge arrived at the dock to the House of the God of Life.

On the balcony waited Rangiku as well as a black cat that jumped on to Kisuke's shoulder as he got off his boat.

"I got your message," said the cat in a deep, masculine voice that surprised Orihime. It can talk, she thought, blinking owlishly at the cat as she divested herself of the black cloak and handed it back to the god, giving him a nod in thanks.

The tow-headed god only smiled as he rubbed the back of the cat's head, murmuring into its ear that had it purring in return.

"So there you are!" exclaimed the Goddess of Love and Fertility, pulling the younger woman into her arms. "We were wondering where you'd gone off to. We couldn't feel your spiritual pressure at all here in this house, and the God of Life told us Ichigo had gone to the mortal world by himself. And then Yoruichi received a message through a black butterfly from Kisuke about how he was accompanying you in the mortal world." She pouted. "Why didn't you tell us you wanted to go there? We could've gone with you!"

"Er, it's..." Orihime shifted her eyes to the side, finding it hard to explain why she'd left.

On seeing her discomfort, the God of Knowledge and Invention piped in, "It's not that kind of excursion, Rangiku."

The goddess crossed her arms over her chest. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Settling someone's past need not be accompanied by an entourage."

"Settling the past?" And then it dawned on Rangiku. "Oh. Well. How are you feeling now, Orihime?"

"I'm okay, thank you."

"Oh, you." The goddess embraced her once more, and then immediately pushed her at arm's length. "I know just the thing to give you that would put a smile on your face."

Orihime coloured, remembering the last time the goddess had given her something. "No, that's not necessary, thank you. Really. I wouldn't want to impose."

"Oh, nonsense! There's nothing to worry about." She turned away, a finger on her chin as she thought. "I have some arrangements to make. Ooh! I need to contact the God of Beauty as well. Oh yes!" She faced Orihime again, her lips pursed, hooking her arm around the younger woman's elbow, and whispering, "I'll need for you to—what's the word I'm looking for?—" She snapped her fingers. "—Soften up the Death God. After what he became yesterday, he should be more than contrite enough to succumb to you so easily."

The former human frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Charm and seduce him, of course, so you can get what you want."

"You mean, what you want, Rangiku," interjected the cat drily.

"Well, whatever Orihime wants is what I want, right?"

"Er..."

"Oh, come now. Since he let you venture out into the mortal world today, he'd let you go out again tomorrow, right?"

"What for?"

"What do you mean 'what for?' Of course he'd let you go again."

"No, I meant, why would I go back there tomorrow?"

"Oh, to come with me and Rukia to my temple, of course."

"Your temple?"

"Yes."

"But I haven't agreed to this."

Rangiku pouted. "You mean you don't want to go?"

"I-it's not that—"

"So there's no problem then?"

"It's—"

"—Good. Now as I was saying, I might have the perfect mead—"

"Er, no, please, I'll go with you. I'll speak to the Death God, but just please, no mead."

"But it worked so well last time."

Orihime chuckled nervously. "And I thank you for that, but really, you've already been generous to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Yes, thank you."

"I have chains and whips instead if you'd prefer those."

Puzzlement lay on Orihime's brow, the thought crossing her mind that those items seemed to be rather extreme just to coerce someone into giving his permission. "I'm not really sure what they'd be for, but thank you anyway."

"Oh, very well," conceded the blue-eyed goddess as she led the younger woman into the God of Life's house, leaving the God of Invention and Knowledge with the cat behind as they murmured amongst themselves. "I have to speak to Rukia, then, and finalize our plans for tomorrow. I absolutely cannot wait, and I'm sure my High Priest would appreciate me finally visiting him after these many days I've been away. Hmm... now, we'll have to get Renji and Shuuhei to come with us, and possibly Izuru, although it seems like he'd been avoiding me lately after what happened the other night when we were drinking..."

Orihime let the goddess's idle chatter drown out her thoughts, muttering noncommittal replies every now and then. Finding the distraction more than welcome, it was all she could do not to sink into the apprehension that threatened to overwhelm her, and more and more she wished to stop feeling the way she felt. Dread rumbled at the pit of her stomach as she wondered what she should say to the Death God when she would meet with him. Avoidance—while a very favourable recourse—would not be a fair action despite all that had been said and all that had happened.

On hearing the question in Rangiku's voice, she gave a nod, and then frowned, shaking herself to get back to the present, finding herself being led into a room with a huge bathing pool embedded on the floor.

She skidded to a stop, and Rangiku didn't even notice that she had, proceeding on and discarding her clothing on the way. Orihime could only watch, her cheeks heating up with embarrassment, as the goddess lowered herself onto the water with a nearly orgasmic sigh.

"Rukia should be joining us shortly," said Rangiku as she scooped up water with one hand and ran it down the length of the other arm all the way to her shoulder. "And Yoruichi as well if she and Kisuke are done talking amongst themselves." Her blue eyes brightened as a thought struck her, and she turned, expecting to find the younger woman beside her, only now realizing that she hadn't been followed by her charge who still stood by the door. "What are you doing over there? Come here. The water's nice and warm, and perfectly what you need after having had such a long day." On seeing Orihime's continued reluctance, she beckoned more gently, "I promise I didn't slip anything in the water."

The newly-made goddess coloured, chagrined at showing mistrust towards Rangiku. With slight hesitance, she pinned her hair up and doffed her own garments, spreading her hands to cover her breasts and crotch as she descended into the warm water of the pool.

"Still so shy," smirked Rangiku gently. "Relax, Orihime, I promise I won't bite. Come, sit beside me." She stretched her arms out, leaning her head back on the edge of the pool and closing her eyes.

Orihime stepped down and sat on the ledge that circled the pool's wall, drawing her knees up and hugging them. Her eyes roamed the domed ceiling, wandering over the colourful tiles depicting sunny skies and fluffy clouds. She extended her mind, feeling out the Death God's spiritual pressure, and nervously released a small sigh of relief when she couldn't feel his presence within the house. She lowered her head, her chin ducking into the water. Remembering his sad expression the last time she saw him that morning, she wondered if he still sported it. How would they be able to face each other now? Should all the things she had come to see as the truth now be seen as lies? But truly, having been a human once, how he'd treated her, how he'd manipulated events were all simply normal fare to expect from a god. Right?

Her head could run around in circles over the same thoughts over and over, but everything had happened, all of them had passed, and there was nothing she could do to change that. She blinked. Change... She had changed something, hadn't she? Back in the human world. The cemetery...the headstones...If she could call upon that power again, then she'd be able to—

Stop! She shook her head, splashing water onto her arms. Thinking along those lines was dangerous. Deep inside, was that what she truly wished for? For all the things that had happened to simply be undone? But wouldn't it be irresponsible to use this newly discovered power in such a way? Even if she was a god now, to change the past so drastically so that none of this had ever happened, back further to the past so that Keigo had never said what he had said—even that was too much; she'd be breaching across a boundary that she knew better than to cross. Besides, maybe such a thing was impossible even for this power. There had to be a limit set somewhere.

And was her life now really all that horrible? Even now, she was forging new bonds, forming new friendships. She had a future to look forward to, a person to literally spend eternity with—were all these truly terrible? She should vanquish the guilt and resentment that had begun to build inside her heart and face a future surcease of them. She ought to be more resolute of her feelings. Exhaling deeply, she nodded to herself, her eyes now cleared of uncertainty and full of conviction. Since everything was now out in the open, she and the Death God could work through this rift in their relationship.

A piece of cake, everything should be easy now. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, holding the breath for a moment before letting it loose. As her shoulders relaxed with the exhale, she felt lighter. She could face him now, without fear, without doubt, and with only a little bit of heartache left.

She would make her utterance of forgiving him from this morning the truth.

The waxing gibbous moon hung in the sky, heralding the coming full moon in just a little over five days' time. The Death God sat on the balcony rail, gazing up and trying not to contemplate what the state of the world would be like during that unprecedented day. He'd never literally handed his heart over to someone, and so could not even comprehend how it would be for him, though he could imagine being temporarily taken over by despair since the heart would be given to the God of Despair. He hoped Yuzu and Karin would not be alarmed if they should find something strange happening to the moon. It would only be for that one day, and since Ulquiorra said it would be a deathless day, that meant that he had no duties in the mortal world to perform.

A shooting star flared up in the sky and paused in its trajectory to wink at him. It was the messenger of the Sun God, and he gave it a wave in return, watching it resume its passage in the darkness.

Restlessness pervaded his being, and he rose from his perch to pace along the balcony. Having returned to his own house, its stillness and silence gave him a small amount of comfort, but barely held at bay his anxiety over Orihime. He wondered how she was now. Was she alright? How had her trip into the mortal world gone? How was she feeling about it? And about the two of them, where did they now stand?

He ran a hand through his hair. He wanted to see her, but too many things were working against him at the moment, and he knew his presence wouldn't be openly welcomed by the other gods because of his action yesterday.

But feeling this way was torturous, and he contemplated returning to his father's house, only to squash the thought down less than a second later. Them being in separate places like this, it would make it easier for Orihime, wouldn't it? She had asked him for some time, and even if all she'd requested was just the one day, he was sure that more time apart was what was truly warranted after everything that had happened. And being in separate places would make the time apart easier, right?

Sighing, he slumped over the balcony rail. It wasn't an easy decision to come to, but it was the best he could think of. He could almost imagine Rukia's jeering tone in his head, calling him cowardly for this resolute avoidance. But it was done, the decision was made, and he would abide by it—a practice test in regaining a modicum of self-control when it came to Orihime.

But damn his heart and his whole self for missing her terribly.

Late into the night, Orihime watched the sky and wondered about her husband, gnawing worriedly at her lower lip as she waited for his return.

She had excused herself from the gods' nightly banquet and headed to her room, pacing back and forth in front of the hearth, sitting on the edge of the bed for a moment before standing back up again and staring at the moon in the sky. Once in a while she would make her way to the vanity set beside the bathing room and brush distractedly at her hair, reaching out with her mind for the one whose presence her heart sought, but she couldn't feel him, couldn't find him anywhere.

As the night began to grow into morning she felt a fluttering by her nose, and she started, only realizing that she had fallen asleep on a chair by the balcony doors. A small, black butterfly filled her vision and she remembered that it was what the gods used to send each other messages. She wasn't sure how exactly it worked, and she bit her lip as she opened her palm for it to perch on. Her sense of wonder was short-lived as she listened to the Death God's voice.

Orihime,
I'm very sorry about everything. For now, I think it's best that I leave you alone. You'll be safer there with everyone, and as long as you're with them, you can go wherever you want. At the moment, I don't think I can face you yet, and I hope you'll add it to the many things to forgive me for when the time comes. I love you.
Ichigo

Deflating against the back of the chair, she could only close her eyes to push the tears that had pooled over her lids. As the moon was ever in the sky, he had been such a constant presence in her life, and she now felt utterly bereft. She understood his decision over this; the same thought of avoiding each other had crossed her mind earlier. But she had known then that conquering her fear was the only recourse left, but it seemed as though he himself wasn't ready to face it.

Since coming to be with him, she had been mildly blissfully ignorant. Perhaps there was something in the God of Life's house that rendered all truths to be revealed, for it was only here that that bliss had become so rocky. Was it really only two nights ago that Ichigo first declared his love for her? The way the nights stretched to last longer than she was used to made it seem as though that utterance had happened a lifetime ago.

She rose from the chair and opened her hand to finally release the butterfly from her grip. She followed it outside, entranced as she watched its flight towards the sky. Beyond, the plump moon shone brightly, the Death God's heart displayed for all the world to see.

"I love you," she mouthed, staring directly at the moon, hoping her words could reach his heart. "Ichigo. Please come back to me."

Orihime wrapped her arms around herself as a cool breeze blew through the night, wishing it was his warmth that surrounded her. A strange sensation engulfed her, the leaves of the garden in front of her fluttering fast from the sudden gust of wind, then suddenly slowing to a stop, frozen in their movements. She tried to blink, but felt as though she was under water, every movement hindered by a crushing force even as she managed to finally close her eyes. Everything seemed to have come to a standstill.

A blinding light pierced through her eyelids for a short, painless moment, and she felt a soft touch to her forehead, and it was as though time returned to normal.

When Orihime opened her eyes, in front of her stood a young woman on four hooves with a horned skull perched on top of her head, a strange marking running across her nose from cheek to cheek, and a sweet smile gracing her lips.

"You must be the bride of death," said the woman as she stepped back to take a bow. "I am Neliel, the Goddess of Time. And Messenger of the Sun God."

APPENDIX

Ichigo - God of Death and the Moon
Orihime - formerly a human, now a goddess by association for marrying a god
Isshin - God of Life
Rangiku - Goddess of Love and Fertility
Yoruichi - Goddess of Cats
Neliel - Goddess of Time, Messenger of the Sun God
Spirit King - God of the Sun, Ruler of All Gods and the Natural Order of the World

Thanks for reading :)
Apr/2012