Chapter 11
4 Years after the Hundred Year War
Northwest of Serpent's Pass Lake
They spent the night in the ruins of Taku without any further incidents. The Earth Kingdom settlers rebuilding the ruins left them well alone, and they departed early in the morning, Katara yet again ferrying them across the large river on a raft of ice.
The land mass on the other side of the river was very different, almost like a huge peninsula in itself, formed by the two massive tributaries feeding the large lake to the east. The landscape was all rolling fields, with no forests or mountains, just boring old farmland and pastures as far as the eye could see. There were no settlements marked on Azula's map, and at the first impression, the map matched reality rather well, all they could see were solitary farmhouses, people tending their fields or looking after their herds.
Despite the tranquility of the setting surrounding them as their journey continued, deep inside Azula felt very restless. She could not quite put a finger on what it was, but she simply did not feel like herself. Over the previous few days, she had been faced with so many frustrating situations, and in the past she would have resolved them through violent means, but now... now, something always seemed to stop her, but the anger and frustration was still building up within her, trapped with no outlet.
Certainly, Katara's presence felt like shackles for her violent instincts. Azula knew that if she did something particularly outrageous, Katara would not hesitate to bloodbend her and then force her into that ridiculous journey to the North Pole. But... Azula had to admit that it wasn't just that threat which stayed her hand. There was something else... something within her was now fighting these violent impulses, and she couldn't quite understand the source of this reluctance. Had she allowed Katara to get to her with those soothing words and it was the waterbender's messing around with Azula's head that was now stopping her?
Azula still struggled to imagine what these other choices in her life could be, other than ruling the Fire Nation. Katara had told her to be patient and let time reveal these choices, but Azula freely admitted that she was absolutely awful at being patient. The best course of action that she could decide on was to simply focus on their immediate goal of getting to Ba Sing Se and putting an end to the Dai Li plot against her. It made no sense to make any overarching plans for what might happen after, she'd just have to react to the developments and make the best of her situation.
She supposed that if ruling the Fire Nation was not her destiny, one of the choices before her was to exact revenge on those who had stolen her destiny. It would no doubt be satisfying to bring Zuko, their mother, Uncle Iroh, Avatar Aang and the others to their knees and hear them beg for mercy, mercy that she would not grant.
But... wasn't Katara also one of the people who had thrown the spanner in her works? She definitely had ruined Azula's plans during that ill-fated Agni Kai under Sozin's comet. But whenever Azula tried to imagine what would have happened if Zuko hadn't stopped her lightning from striking Katara... the sight of the waterbender twitching on the ground, mortally wounded by the lightning strike, Azula realized that she felt no satisfaction from that mental image. No matter how much she wanted to hate Katara, she found it very hard to cling on to her dislike of the waterbender, especially when Azula had come to realize that there was not a hint of fakeness about the other girl, she was absolutely genuine in everything she said and did. It all made Katara very difficult to dislike.
She wasn't sure what it was, but spending time with Katara was changing her. On one hand, it frightened and disgusted her, to be affected by someone like that, especially this lowly water peasant. On the other hand... she could not deny that it also fascinated her. It was as if through her interactions with Katara, Azula was introduced to a side of herself that she hadn't known before. Perhaps this was what Katara had also meant by her words, perhaps by discovering something new about herself, Azula would discover other choices in front of her. She supposed that there was no harm in seeing if Katara knew what she was talking about, or was it all just naive and wishful thinking.
Broken up by frequent breaks for food and rest, the day of walking passed rather quickly. As the darkness began to set in, Azula was rather disappointed to discover that they hadn't made it even halfway across the peninsula, but there was little to do about it, she certainly was not going to insist that they marched throughout the night. She had already consigned herself to the horror of having to spend the night in the small tent, set up in the middle of some stinking pasture, when Katara had the bright idea to ask some of the men rounding up their herd whether someone nearby could put them up for the night. They were both delighted to hear that an old woman in the farmhouse they had just passed by, often kept an empty room to rent to travelers that for some reason had decided to come to this remote and boring corner of the Earth Kingdom.
The old woman was only happy to take Katara's coin, and soon enough the pair found themselves in a sparsely furnished and rather small room, which to Azula was still preferable to camping outside in a tent... or at least, it had felt preferable until she noticed the bed they were supposed to be sharing. "Well, that's too small for us both. You'll just have to sleep on the floor," Azula decided quickly.
"What? Don't be ridiculous, princess," Katara laughed, shaking her head. "First, it's not that small, and second, I'm not sleeping on the floor."
Azula glared at the waterbender, trapped in a battle with her pride. "Alright, fine," she finally sighed. "I'll sleep on the floor."
"Why would you want to do that, the bed is just the right size for us both," Katara sighed. "Why is this such a big deal for you, Azula? It's like you're afraid of being touched."
Azula winced at Katara's words. It did seem ridiculous when Katara put it in words, but that really was the crux of the issue. Over the years she had become so unaccustomed to the touch of another human being that by now it felt weird and frightening. Her father had never touched her, expect for punishing her when she failed to live up to his expectations. With the chasm that had grown between Azula and her mother, she had not allowed Ursa to touch her since she had turned eleven. Ty Lee had once hugged her when celebrating Azula's twelfth birthday. Azula's reaction had been particularly violent. She had made Ty Lee cry many times over the years, but that one occasion... that still made Azula wince a little when she thought about it, experiencing a rare flash of regret. Of course, there were always the inescapable touches of the servants who tended to her every need, but those were so deeply impersonal, almost as if she was touching a piece of furniture.
And then, she found herself on this road trip with Katara. The water tribe girl was very free with her affections, and even though she tried to respect Azula's private space, during their journey there had been several occasions where Katara had reached out and touched her. It had always left her deeply conflicted, not because she had found the contact unpleasant... no, it was quite the contrary. Katara's touch was always so soft, and it evoked feelings that Azula had long since forgotten, struggling to even identify them. Did it feel soothing? Or comforting? She realized that she craved these sensations, and at the same time hated herself for wanting to experience them, because she felt they made her weak.
Obviously, she could not tell Katara all her internal struggles when it came to physical contact with someone. Circumstances had placed her in a situation where it was unavoidable, so she supposed she would just have to somehow cope with it. "I... no, it's not that, I'm just... ugh, alright," she finally gave up, frowning as she spoke. "Fine, let's just share the bed."
"Thank you for agreeing, I'm so tired I was not looking forward to another lengthy argument," Katara chuckled softly, starting to take off her dress.
"Uh... what are you doing?" Azula froze at the sight.
"Undressing?" Katara gave her a questioning stare. "Unless you haven't noticed, our dresses are dirty and dusty from all the traveling we've been doing. It would be impolite to dirty the bedclothes provided by our host. Besides, people normally don't sleep fully clothed... do you?"
"No, but..." Azula frowned, trying to find some reasonable excuse. "The bed is so small that it feels inappropriate." That was the best she could think of, and it still made her cringe inwardly.
Katara gave her a look of disbelief before starting to laugh. "Oh my, are you serious?" the waterbender broke out in giggles. "I didn't think that proud Azula would be so shy! I mean, I could understand that if you were sharing with a boy it might be considered inappropriate, but we're both girls. And it's not like you'll be naked or anything, so it's hardly scandalous. Besides, I would never tell," she made the gesture as if sealing her lips with a lock.
"I'm not shy, I just..." Azula made one last try, but her treacherous mind failed to supply her with any good excuses.
"Or is it because you're a princess and I'm a peasant, that's why it's inappropriate?" Katara asked. "Once again, I solemnly swear to keep it a secret."
"Just forget it," Azula sighed, quickly pulling off her dress, remaining in her smallclothes as she slipped under the duvet, settling in as comfortably as she could on the very edge of the bed. With the corner of her eye, she watched Katara shake her head in amusement before the waterbender finished undressing herself, remaining in her sarashi wraps. Katara then put out the lights, but not before Azula could remark to herself that the contrast between Katara's darker skin and the white wraps covering her upper chest was rather fetching.
Azula held her breath as Katara got into the bed and settled in comfortably herself. It seemed that the bed was reasonably sized after all, and they could both settle in without touching. "Goodnight, Azula," Katara spoke softly.
Azula had not intended to reply at all, but before she knew, her lips parted to return the sentiment. "Goodnight, Katara," she heard herself saying.
Despite feeling exhausted, sleep did not come easily for Azula. From Katara's even and peaceful breathing, Azula could sense that the waterbender was already asleep, while she was still restless, unable to stop thinking about the soothing warmth radiated by Katara's body on the other side of the bed. It made Azula suddenly realize something. She might have escaped Katara's touch, but now she actually found herself missing it. Azula inconspicuously tried to slightly shift her body, until she eventually managed to readjust her legs so that the back of her calf brushed against Katara's knee, ever so softly.
The light touch alone was enough to put Azula at ease. When she finally managed to fall asleep, she did so with a smile on her lips.
Katara woke up the next morning from the sounds of someone barging into their room. She reared her head, wondering if they were under attack, then blinking when she noticed Azula, entering the room while carrying two large buckets of water. "Azula?" she asked. "What's going on?"
"Can you believe it? I asked that old woman where I can take a shower, and instead she gave me these buckets of water!" Azula fumed irately. "It's outrageous, we should demand our money back!"
"I'm sure we'll cope, somehow," Katara smiled, slowly getting out of the bed.
"Ugh," Azula grumbled, pushing aside the shoji screen in the corner to reveal a large wooden bathtub, the princess quickly emptying the buckets into the tub. "Well, I suppose I can warm the water, but this is still going to be annoying and awkward."
"I might be able to help you with that," Katara offered. Azula gave her a questioning stare. "I can waterbend a shower for you," she explained, curious whether Azula would accept her offer. The princess had acted strangely the previous evening, reluctant to even share the bed. However, Katara did not believe that Azula might have any body image issues, it was more likely that she had some hang-ups about being touched. Whenever Katara had briefly touched her before, Azula had withdrawn very quickly, and this was an opportunity for Katara to test her theory.
"Hmm... very well," Azula nodded, quickly stripping fully nude, dark blush on her cheeks as she stepped into the tub and focused on her firebending to heat up the water. "Alright, I'm ready," she said, having grabbed a bar of soap and a sponge from the nearby shelf.
Katara began to move the heated water with her bending, drawing it from the tub and circling it above Azula's head, where she allowed it to break up into countless droplets, focusing hard to maintain a continuous cycle. While nearly all of her attention was focused on keeping the stream of water constant, Katara could not help but notice Azula's body, noting with interest that the princess appeared slightly slimmer than she had imagined, not that it was easy to judge with her voluptuous robes. Katara found that her eyes were inescapably drawn towards Azula's body, and a blush began to warm her cheeks as she struggled to maintain control over her bending.
"Do you have to stare so much?" Azula asked, herself looking a little red in the face, though perhaps it was just from the hot water.
"I'm sorry... but I can't look away, I need to see where I'm directing the water," Katara replied, but it was only a half truth. She definitely had been staring more than was necessary. And she had rather enjoyed what she had seen. Azula's body was worthy of admiration.
"Fine... I'm almost done anyway," Azula said, quickly finishing scrubbing herself clean, Katara releasing the water in one final splash that washed over Azula, the waterbender quickly turning away and allowing the princess some privacy to dry off and dress herself. While Azula was getting herself ready, Katara put on her dress, grabbed the empty buckets and went to retrieve more water.
Upon her return, Azula was sitting on the bed, peering in the mirror as she carefully applied her makeup, not paying any attention to Katara as the waterbender got rid of the dirty water in the tub by bending it out of the window, then refilling the tub with fresh water. Not wasting any time, Katara undressed and got into the tub, shuddering when she stepped into the uncomfortably cold water. Still, she hesitated before asking for Azula's assistance, even if Katara knew that she had no reason to be shy about her body. No, the reason why Katara hesitated was simple... she knew that she would be deeply hurt and upset if Azula were to find her unattractive and ended up making some disparaging comments about her appearance.
Still, this was something that she felt the need to find out before... before she allowed her growing attachment get out of hand. "Azula? Could you help me a bit?" she eventually decided to ask.
"What with?" the princess asked.
"Well… I forgot to ask you to heat up my water as well..."
"Oh..." She could hear Azula getting up from the bed and coming over. The princess hadn't managed to finish applying her makeup, and the asymmetric look of her face made her appearance endearingly amusing. "Right, so... tell me when it's warm enough," Azula spoke awkwardly as she stood next to the tub, focusing on heating the water.
"That's, uh... that's hot enough," Katara murmured, feeling embarrassed as she watched Azula quickly disappearing behind the shoji screen. The princess had tried desperately not to stare, but Katara knew that she had stolen at least a couple of curious glances. The bright pink on Azula's cheeks as she retreated were definitely not patches of rouge.
Once Katara was done with her shower, she quickly got dressed and then made use of Azula's makeup collection, the princess not making any actual complaints as she did so. With their appearances sorted, the two girls left the room to inquire about breakfast, only to find a meal already served for them in the kitchen. Having eaten, Katara thanked their host and they were prepared to take their leave, when Azula suddenly grabbed her wrist, pointing at something adjacent to the farmhouse, a small stable housing a single, cranky looking ostrich horse.
"With that beast we could be in Ba Sing Se in two days," Azula whispered.
"Wait... are you suggesting that we steal it?" Katara glared at the princess. "After this woman has shown us her hospitality?"
"Didn't we pay for it?" Azula shrugged. "Anyway, stop being such an annoying do-gooder. We need this ostrich horse, so let's take it."
"No," Katara shook her head firmly. "We can't do that to these people! Do you know how much such animal is worth to them? To lose it could send them into complete ruin. These people have it hard enough without us stealing from them, Azula."
"Ugh," Azula rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I should have known you would be utterly unreasonable and annoying about it."
"No, you," Katara retorted childishly as she stuck out her tongue at the princess. "Also, are you saying that our grand adventure isn't exciting and you want it to end prematurely?"
"What?" Azula blinked in confusion as she pondered her reply. "Well, I... I guess I am... having fun?" she admitted, looking flustered as she fiddled with the straps of her heavy backpack. Eventually, she let out a weary sigh, but the corners of her eyes glistened with amusement. "Ugh, fine... let's just get going, already."