Chapter 12

4 Years after the Hundred Year War
Northwest of Serpent's Pass Lake

The second day of their journey across the large peninsula was much the same as the first day, walking at a leisurely pace through the rolling fields of farmland and pastures. While Azula had been eager to cross the peninsula in two days, it had by now become clear that this was beyond them, and the girls had agreed to take things easy in preparation of the river crossing on the following day.

Katara was grateful for the slower pace, because it allowed her to deal with all the complicated thoughts swarming around in her head. This journey was all about trying to encourage Azula to change her mindset and her ways, but Katara had to admit that she herself was going through some changes. The previous night they had spent sharing the bed, and then the events of the morning had confirmed what she had come to suspect, that she was starting to develop a crush on Azula.

This was definitely a confusing and worrying development, and Katara wanted to dismiss it as a result of her reaction to Auntie Wu's offhanded comment back at the Mount Makapu village, telling herself that if the fortune teller hadn't planted these thoughts in her head, she would have never even thought to look at Azula in this way. But Katara had to be honest with herself, and she was forced to admit that this explanation was simply her attempts at deflection. Looking back at her crushes in the past, Jet and Zuko, a definite pattern emerged. Something attracted her to bad boys... and apparently, also bad girls. And maybe that's why she had felt so dissatisfied in her relationship with Aang, as if she was lacking something. Aang was such a sweet boy, but in the end, their union had lacked excitement. They were both such clear yang, and Katara desperately needed a yin in her life.

Katara acutely realized that this was not a good development as far as her role in Azula's healing was concerned. She had to remain fair and objective, but how could she hope to do so if her feelings for the other girl began to grow and compromise the entire venture? Katara had heard quite a few stories of a healer falling in love with their patient, and she supposed that it could happen even to those healers who dealt with ailments of the mind. Perhaps she was being overly dramatic and this was not such a terrible thing after all, as long as she could put her feelings aside and still act in a calm, professional manner. She desperately did not want to compromise Azula's progress by further confusing the other girl, even as she continued to harbor a naive hope that perhaps being on the receiving end of tender feelings might actually help Azula.

Of course, there was very little chance that Azula would actually reciprocate her feelings, and most likely it was a good thing that she wouldn't. Katara could think of hundreds of scenarios where such a development would lead to a disaster, and only very few scenarios with potential positive outcomes. Still, her mind couldn't help but wonder about these positive 'what if' scenarios. Katara knew that the Fire Nation was quite open about same sex relationships, so Azula would not have been raised with stigma attached to relationships with other girls. And then there was the matter of Ty Lee... Katara knew that the now proud Kyoshi Warrior had once harbored very strong tender feelings for her princess, and while Azula had not returned these feelings, she was no doubt aware of them, using these feelings to control and manipulate poor Ty Lee. All this told Katara one thing, that Azula most likely would not find it particularly strange to be attracted to another woman.

And Katara had to admit, Azula was acting somewhat... oddly towards her as of late. On many occasions, there was an almost uncharacteristic shyness about the princess. Overall, Azula seemed to be warming up slightly to her, and it felt like this development was confusing her, and she did not necessarily understand how to act upon it, her first reactions being to deny, resist and deflect. Katara did not want to risk guessing whether Azula was crushing on her as well, it was too dangerous to assume anything, but whatever was going on, Katara knew that she had to take things slowly and calmly, to make sure that Azula did not freak out.

As the late afternoon became an early evening, Katara began to make inquiries around the farmsteads they passed by, hopeful to find a kind soul to put them up for the night. When her inquiries failed to produce a positive response, Katara and Azula began to scope for an acceptable spot where to set up their camp that evening, resigned to spending the night in their new tent. The landscape had changed slightly as they approached the western coast of the peninsula, still mostly flat plains, but now and then a cluster of trees breaking up the monotonous view.

Just before the fall of darkness, Azula spotted a beautiful copse of black pines nearby, and the pair decided to make their campsite there, some two hundred yards off the seldom traveled path. As Katara busied herself with cooking, Azula quickly set up the tent, looking relieved upon discovering that it actually wasn't at all tiny as she had feared. Less than an hour later, they were sitting by the roaring campfire surrounded by darkness, the wind twisted branches of the pines casting strange and slightly spooky shadows. Katara had whipped up a simple vegetable stew with smoked ham and almonds, and unsurprisingly Azula had added a few pinches of the Fire Nation spices to the pot while Katara hadn't been looking, which now meant that the princess had a broad grin on her face as she ate, while Katara was left feeling as if her taste buds had been set on fire.

"I know that you're going to say that nothing can beat sitting on the Fire Nation throne, but surely you have to admit that this is... kind of beautiful," Katara spoke up as they continued to sit around the fire long after having finished eating. "Doesn't it all just set your mind at ease? It's so peaceful..."

Azula looked at her in that by now familiar way of being caught between two minds, between something that she had been indoctrinated to reply and something that she genuinely felt like expressing. "I've never been one to appreciate nature much," she eventually replied with a shrug. "But... there's something about this that speaks to me. I feel as if I could sit here all night, simply staring into the fire, watching the flames dance."

Katara glanced across the fire, their eyes meeting. Azula's golden orbs looked particularly expressive, the burning flames reflecting so captivatingly in her eyes that Katara felt instant heat surging to her cheeks. "I... we can sit for a while still," she managed awkwardly. "But then we should probably retire."

"No, it's alright, we need to sleep so we can hit the road early again," Azula shook her head. "Do you... need help with anything here?" she asked, Katara blinking in surprise at the princess even offering.

"No, this won't take me long at all, waterbending really helps with cleaning pots and dishes... or putting out fires," Katara smiled. "Feel free to start tucking yourself in," she pointed towards the tent.

"Alright," Azula nodded at her, dropping on her knees as she crawled inside the tent and began to settle in as comfortably as she could. Smiling to herself, Katara finished her chores and then joined Azula inside the tent, settling into her sleeping berth next to the princess.

"See, this isn't too bad," Katara spoke up once they had both made themselves comfortable. "Actually, I think it's quite cozy, don't you agree?"

"Not really," Azula grumbled, but her reply simply made Katara chuckle softly. "Why are you laughing? We're both going to be stiff by the morning, sleeping on this hard ground."

"Ah, we'll get used to it," Katara replied cheerfully.

"Ugh, I don't want to get used to it," Azula muttered. "I want to get used to sleeping in a soft, comfortable bed."

"Always so grouchy," Katara chuckled. "Goodnight, grouch."

"Goodnight, naive featherbrain," Azula sighed at the waterbender, and following her words, silence descended upon the campsite.

Katara fell asleep quite quickly, as she always tended to. She had been told that she was a rather heavy sleeper, so Katara was surprised when she woke up again while it was still completely dark outside, making her wonder what had caused her sleep to be interrupted. She received her answer soon enough, when Azula began to mumble and mutter incoherently in her sleep.

"N-no! No!" the other girl suddenly cried out, flailing violently with her arm and nearly punching Katara in the face. "Father, please! No... no, no, no, not that, please, please no!"

Katara felt her blood run cold from the genuine terror and desperation in Azula's voice as a nightmare had her firmly in its grip. She briefly wondered whether she should wake Azula up, but then she realized that Azula might be angry and embarrassed about even having such a nightmare, and Katara knowing about it. Katara decided to wait, hoping that the nightmare would pass on its own, but unfortunately, it seemed to be only getting stronger.

"Please, father... please, it won't happen again," Azula pleaded tearfully, her entire body shaking like a leaf. "I swear, I will not bring shame upon you ever again... no... no, no, no, please, not the whip, I beg you! No! You're hurting me!" Azula's voice broke under her torment and she descended into incoherent pleading as tears streaked down her cheeks, the insidious dream refusing to release her from its grip.

Katara had desperately hoped that Azula would wake up and she could pretend having been asleep the whole time, saving the princess from an embarrassment. However, when it became clear that Azula's nightmare would not relent, Katara simply could not stand by idly. Katara knew that Azula would most likely be very angry for the invasion of her personal space, but Katara was not the kind of person to simply stand aside and watch the suffering of another, not when she could help and alleviate their pain. If Azula were to lash out at her later, so be it, at least her conscience would be clear.

Without much thinking, Katara rolled over to her other side and pressed up tightly against Azula's back, wrapping her arm around the other girl's waist. Azula's sobs became quieter almost immediately as she leaned into Katara's touch, her breathing easing and becoming even again as she slowly calmed down. Having held Azula for a good while and having made sure that the princess had resumed her normal sleep, Katara was about to withdraw when Azula let out a pleading whimper, her entire body starting to tremble.

"Please... stay..." she muttered in her sleep.

Katara's heart skipped a beat. "Azula? Are you awake?" she asked softly, not certain if the princess had awoken from her nightmare or not. There was no reply to her question, but Azula still appeared agitated, trembling, not entirely free from the grasp of her nightmare.

"Everyone leaves me..." Azula mumbled as her body curled into a fetal position. "Mother left... Zuzu left..."

Katara swallowed heavily, trying to bite back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. She carefully shifted her body to spoon Azula, wrapping her arm around Azula's waist once more, and again it seemed to calm down the princess, chasing her nightmares away as her breathing eased and became even again. This time, Katara did not attempt to withdraw. She knew that there was a chance that Azula might freak out come the morning, but there was no way she was going to allow the nightmares to return and keep tormenting the other girl.

That was how Katara eventually fell asleep herself, with her arm around Azula's waist and her face buried in Azula's loosened hair, happy at having been successful in chasing away the nightmares that had tormented her princess.

Azula woke up feeling absolutely terrible. Her head felt heavy and full of strange, unpleasant fogginess. Her body seemed to be telling her to go back to sleep, and Azula strongly considered listening to this piece of advice, but before she could do so her mind cleared just enough for her to remember what she had dreamed about the night before, a nightmare forcing her to relive the awful memories that she had been refusing to revisit for so long, memories of those first few months after her father had sent Zuko away.

She hated the way these memories made her feel, weak and helpless, like she was still a submissive thrall to her father's power and influence. Zuko's disobedience and subsequent exile had taught her father only one thing, that he could not allow the same to happen with his sole remaining heir, not when the spare had turned out so utterly disappointing. Over the following months, Ozai had made sure to utterly break her down, both mentally and physically.

As Azula was reluctantly pondering about why these old memories would choose to assault her now of all times, she suddenly became aware of something deeply concerning, the warmth of another body extremely close to her own. Even worse, there was an intruding arm wrapped right around her waist.

Azula immediately froze as panic gripped her, her body seized by alternating hot and cold flashes. She was starting to hyperventilate as she reached out to remove Katara's arm from her waist. Fearing that she was about to succumb to some sort of seizure, Azula bolted up and darted out of the tent, taking off in a run and stopping only when she had reached the main path used by the travelers. With hands on her knees, she breathed heavily, taking in large gulps of air as she glanced back towards the tent, but Katara had not followed her. Somehow, she had managed not to wake the waterbender, but perhaps it was not surprising... Katara did seem to be a heavy sleeper, especially during the morning hours.

Once she had managed to get the best of the nascent panic attack and recompose herself, Azula finally began to think clearly. There was only one reason why Katara would have touched her like that... the waterbender had probably been woken up by her nightmare, and had been trying to comfort her. Azula's cheeks burned from shame of having her weakness exposed before Katara. She did not think she could ever face Katara again, not after this.

It suddenly became clear why all of this was happening to her now, it was solely down to Katara's influence. The waterbender had done something to her, working insidiously like poison, making her soft and weak. If this was the change in her that Katara was trying to encourage, then Azula wanted no part of it. The strength and confidence that her father had beaten into her was vastly preferable to all these confusing emotions that only filled her with uncertainty and doubt.

There was only one solution to her predicament. Azula could not allow Katara to continue poisoning her mind any longer, so she had to discourage Katara from trying to help her. All she needed to do was to convince Katara that she was exactly what everyone else thought she was... a monster. She needed the gullible waterbender to finally give up on her, and for that she needed to become the monster that she was always meant to be.

Determined in her decision, Azula turned around and began to walk in the direction of the closest farmstead, less than half a mile away, hiding behind an orchard of plum and cherry trees. As she turned off the main road and started on the path heading up to the house, Azula saw a man walking towards her, a simple farmer, carrying a large sickle across his shoulder.

"Good morning, young lady!" the man called out to her with a kind smile on his face. "Can I help you?"

Azula smiled back at the man, but it was not a kind smile at all. No, it was the cruel, sadistic grin that she had always been known for. "Why yes, I believe you can help me, good man," she sneered, blue flames leaping from her hands.

The man screamed, dropped his sickle and turned to run back towards his house.