Sirius walked back to the Gryffindor common room feeling like his stomach was on fire, tearing itself apart. He could never ask Snape for anything, ever. Goddamn Snivellus. That fucking creep. Besides, the idea that there was a potion Snape could brew but Dumbledore couldn't seemed impossible. Dumbledore was one of the most powerful wizards since Merlin, wasn't he? And Snape was just a snotty teenage boy.

With greasy hair.

And a stupid nose.

Sirius paused before he reached the spiraling staircase towards the Gryffindor tower. He'd forgotten something. What was it? Oh, right. Damn. Turning back around, he made his way towards the greenhouses.

He found Pomona sitting on the steps outside Greenhouse Three, crocheting a scarf with her wand tucked behind her ear.

"Oh, hello, Sirius, what's up?" she said, standing in greeting.

Sirius smiled easily, slipping into that persona he adopted when he wanted something. "I was just wondering if you could tell me a bit more about vinea mortiferum, I thought it was really interesting how it-"

"Almost murdered your best friend? Me too." With a sharp glint in her eye, Pomona opened the door to Greenhouse Three and pulled up a chair for Sirius.

She cleared her throat somewhat nervously before beginning to speak. "Look, you know this is my second year teaching, so it's not like I've done vinea mortiferum a hundred times. But I've read up on it enough to know that it only attacks when detecting ill intent. It's almost like- do you know what a foe-glass is?"

Sirius shook his head. He'd heard the term before, vaguely, but had no idea what it meant.

Pomona shook her head, opting not to explain. "Regardless, that's the whole purpose of these plants, is to find and eliminate threats." She sighed, fidgeting with the rings on her finger. "Is Peter doing anything, erm, untrustworthy, do you know?"

Maybe being an Animagus… but no, James had engaged with the plant without a problem… "Not that I know of," said Sirius finally, "but I guess that's what bothers me, is I don't know."

Pomona nodded thoughtfully. "Well, magic isn't infallible. I'm testing the plant right now for any diseases or malfunctions, and I've filed a report to Professor Dumble- to Albus, I mean, explaining the potential significance of the situation. I'll keep you updated if you'd like, but there's no need to worry too much. Friendship should take precedence over magical maladies."

Sirius nodded. She was right, of course- he hadn't fully considered the possibility that the plant had just acted up on its own, had some sort of mutation or something. "Thanks," he said. "I like your rocks."

Pomona had tons of shiny, glimmering rocks sprinkled across her desk- or maybe crystals would be a more appropriate term. They were all different shapes and sizes, and Sirius found his eyes drawn to a small triangular pyramid fading from a milky clear color at the bottom to a dark, translucent black at the top.

Pomona smiled, following his eyeline. "Smoky quartz," she said. "It's all about lifting negativity, improving your mood, making you stronger and more resilient- or at least, that's what its energy does for me."

"What do you mean?" Sirius said before he could stop himself. "These rocks do things for you?"

"In my opinion, yes," said Pomona. "I mean, worst case scenario, I have a cool rock collection, right? Best case scenario they make my life better."

Sirius laughed. "Good point."

"Anyhow, I've got tons of smoky quartz, you can have that one if you want."

Sirius was about to shake it off, laugh, say he didn't want it- but it was pretty, and it was a cool thing to own, and Pomona didn't seem to mind giving it to him, so he thanked her and took it in his hand, pushing the point of the quartz into his palm.

"Have a good evening, Sirius," Pomona said, opening the door for him with a kind smile. "And don't forget to finish your essay on vinea mortiferum. That'll allow you to do whatever extra research you want."

Oh, crap, the essay. He definitely would've forgotten. And as interesting as what had happened with Peter was, why would he go read about it when he'd already asked an expert? Work smarter, not harder, right?

As he walked back to the Gryffindor dorm for a second time, he met his friends in the corridor. They were just leaving potions, and James looked slightly sweaty.

"What's up?" Sirius said, reading that something was wrong from the lines between James's eyebrows.

"Nothing," said Peter quickly.

"Nothing," James affirmed with a slight shake of his head.

With a slight smirk, Remus caught Sirius's eye meaningfully. I'll tell you later.

Sirius arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow. "Tell me now," he said aloud. "We're the Marauders, we're not supposed to have secrets. Besides, I would've known if I didn't have to go to fucking Pomfrey-"

"Erm, well, Snape and Slughorn got in a bit of a fight," said Remus.

"About?" Sirius said, a grin slipping onto his face. "Please tell me his Amortentia wasn't textbook-perfect?"

"Well, it was," Remus said with a giggle, "except he added some other ingredient- dandelion I think, and then it became so potent that-"

"That what?"

Remus was now shaking with silent laughter, but Peter's face held a worried expression, while James looked like he was ready to murder someone.

"What?" Sirius said, slightly hesitant.

Remus choked back another laugh. "Well- that, that, erm… I'm not quite sure how to phrase this, but, the fumes-"

Suddenly something clicked. Sirius could feel his eyes grow huge. "Don't tell me it worked."

"When the people around him smelled it, they started- professing their," Remus was giggling like a lunatic, "professing their love for Snivellus, including our lovely James here-"

Sirius laughed so hard he had sunk down to the floor before he knew it. "Goddamn I wish I'd been there to see that. Can we get a pensieve, Moony, so I can watch it play out-"

James groaned. "No, no, I seriously never want to talk about it again. It was so weird, one moment Lily and I were holding hands and sniffing each others' potions and I was telling her it smelled like her shampoo- and then the next we were pushing each other in an effort to get to Snivellus first."

Now that James had admitted what happened, Peter was more than happy to talk about it. "And Snape wasn't even ready for it, either! He looked so scared, honestly, with like half the class tripping over their stools and talking about how much they loved him-"

Sirius was still on the floor, now with a stitch in his side from how hard he was laughing. "Yeah," he choked out, "I can imagine that'd be a new experience-"

Even James was wearing a reluctant grin at this point. "Then Slughorn goes over, and his cheeks are all red, and he starts saying, 'look, this is why the textbook has instructions!' And he's so happy, right-"

"Because he's jealous, being outshone by a student all the time-" Remus explained.

"So he's so happy to punish Snape, and who can blame him, right?" said James, jumping back in. "But then he inhales some of the Amortentia, and starts saying, 'you're a genius, a mastermind, I think I might be in love-'"

"Which is disgusting, 'cos Sluggy's like fifty," Peter chimed in.

"Yes," Remus agreed, "it really was rather uncomfortable."

Sirius thought he would choke on his own spit. He could barely breathe through his laughter. "I can't do this," he said, "oh my god this is the best story ever. I- wow- Sluggy and Snape-" he dissolved into another fit of giggles. "So what did you guys do? Just leave class, or?"

"Erm, I went back into Slughorn's cupboards and made a quick antidote," said Remus, blushing slightly. "And I got James to deliver it, because he was horrified by his own love for Snape, he was begging me to make the 'feelings go away.'"

James nodded proudly. "See, I wasn't completely demented, was I?"

"Good job, buddy," said Sirius. "And god, Moony, I'm so glad you didn't get drawn in by Snape, I think we might've had to break up if that'd happened."

"I was careful," said Remus with a smile.

Still chuckling, the Marauders started to move towards their dorm, but Sirius stayed planted on the ground. He found with a sinking feeling in his stomach that even leaning heavily on his cane, he couldn't quite pull himself up.

Locked in a heated debate about whether the Snape Incident would ruin Lily and James's relationship, Peter and James didn't notice. Remus, of course, did, and hung back to help Sirius up.

Sirius felt his cheeks heat up with slight embarrassment. Remus helped his boyfriend up wordlessly, but his expression was clearly worried.

"You went to Pomfrey, right?" he said quietly.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. It's, um, she said it wasn't going to go away."

Remus's eyes widened. "Oh, shit, mate, I'm really sorry-"

"No, well, she said I could erm, get someone to brew a cure possibly-"

Remus's face cleared quickly. "Oh, that's awesome! I bet Dumbledore could do it, right?"

"I'm going to go to Dumbledore, certainly, but," he dropped his voice even further, just trying to ensure that Peter and James couldn't hear them even though the two were already halfway down the corridor by now, "Pomfrey actually suggested that I ask, um. Snape."

"Oh." Sirius saw his boyfriend's brow furrow. "Really? How could Snape be a better potions master than Dumbledore?"

Sirius grinned wanly. "I mean, you saw how incredibly talented he was in class today, didn't you? I hate the stupid git, though, and I don't want to- tell him about any of this, he'd have to know so much about my body, and everything that's going on-"

"Yeah, more than you've even told me," Remus said, in an obvious effort to keep his tone light.

Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry. I know it's not fair, it's just hard, you know, to talk about."

"Hey, I get it," Remus said, putting his arm around Sirius gently. "Remember when you and James figured out I was a werewolf? How terrified I was? I didn't want to tell you anything, I hated the feeling of complaining that my head hurt, my stomach hurt, everything hurt… I hated it when you could see my scars and I still do, right, but we're your friends." He cleared his throat. "Or, rather, I'm a bit more than your friend, I'd hope. But anyway, we're not here to judge you, or view your problems as a burden. So, if you ever do feel like talking about it I'm here, and I'd probably get it more than anyone."

"It's not even comparable, Remus, to what you've got going on," said Sirius. "Seriously- Siriusly, haha- it's fine, it's-"

"It's not a competition," Remus said, playfully sliding a hand over Sirius's mouth, a hand that Sirius immediately kissed.

And before he knew it, the two were making out in the middle of the hallway.