AN: A smidge shorter than usual, but I believe chapters should end where they end, and this one felt like it went on exactly as long as it needed to.

dogspirit1: Aces Wild is essentially how I would write TLH. So, that's a pretty clear cut indicator of why I will never be allowed to write for the show :)

"And THAT", Darkness concluded, "Is why you lost. It was a very clear tactical oversight, you see?"

Maggie nodded, dutifully writing in her notebook as she did so. It had been several days since her ill-fated outing, and subsequent failure to rescue Lincoln from his oppressive and clearly deranged family. Mr. Darkness had given her some time to recover from the beating she'd received at the hands of the weird, new, pun-spouting Gigant before calling her into his office for a performance review. Maggie appreciate the gesture, both the time off and the review session. While the physical damage she'd taken had been easy enough to fix, the dark energy empowering her at the time having mitigated the worst of any potential lasting harm, her inability to save her pale-haired friend had been wearing on her, leaving her more depressed than usual. So when Darkness had offered her some one-on-one time to go over her shortcomings, she'd jumped at the chance. Next time she'd be ready. And no sister, no matter how crazy, or busty, or crazy busty she was for that matter, was going to stand in her—

WHUMPF!

Maggie started in surprise as an enormous pile of papers slammed onto the desk before her. Papers typically didn't slam themselves for no reason, so there had to be an explanation for this. Noticing a paper-cut lacerated hand on top of the pile, shaking with barely restrained fury, it occurred to Maggie that the individual attached to said appendage might be the perpetrator of this strange occurrence. She began to follow the trail of flesh with her eyes. Hand quickly transitioned to arm, arm to a sweatered, modestly endowed torso, and a little ways above that she found herself looking at the furious face of an older looking brunette girl. Maggie's mouth formed into a perfect O, as all the pieces finally fell into place. Oh, right. Fiona existed. And...smelled, like...burnt popcorn?

"It's finished." The older girl hissed, glaring at the black clad entity on the other side of the desk.

"Excellent." Darkness snapped his fingers, and an instant later, the pile vanished from view, the sudden disappearance of the thing that had been supporting the bottom heavy girl nearly causing her to topple over. Miraculously, however, she managed to recover, and rightened herself while maintaining the baleful glare she'd been sending Darkness' way.

"Is that it?" She asked, seemingly already knowing the answer.

"That's it."

"Was there even any purpose in me suffering through that?" Fiona growled, twitching sporadically. "I spent three days locked in that office! And I only know that because Gladys kept showing up every four hours to throw clocks and calendars into the room!"

Darkness slowly spread his arms to the side, eventually transitioning into a small shrug. "Who can say?"

Fiona let out one last violent twitch before freezing up entirely. A few seconds later, she allowed her body to relax, and flopped into the chair next to Maggie with a small sigh of resignation.

"I knew that was coming." She grumbled, her anger now significantly abated. "I knew something just like this was gonna happen. I'm not even surprised."

"Then you're learning." Darkness said, sounding pleased.

"Whatever." Fiona waved her hand dismissively. "So what's this all this dumbness about? Something dumb, I assume."

"Maggie had her first solo outing, and it didn't go as well as it could have. So, I decided to share a bit of my tactical acumen with my favorite employee." Darkness seemed inordinately pleased with himself. This wasn't unusual in and of itself, Fiona could attest from personal experience that this was very nearly his default state of existence. What was strange, was that in this particular instance, it came at the benefit of someone other than himself. This didn't jive with a being who, as far as she could tell, considered every thing in existence to be lesser than himself. And on top of that, something else was bugging her...

"Maggie?" Fiona asked. "Are you actually retaining any of this?"

The raven haired girl held up the notebook she'd been writing in and flipped it around so the others could see it. "Nope." It read in big bold letters. Fiona turned back to Darkness, a smirk brimming with self-satisfaction blooming across her face.

"Eh." He shrugged noncommittally. "Its still adorable that she pretends."

"Lucky for her." Fiona grumbled, rolling her eyes. "I bet cute, dumb, and top-heavy are just what Lincoln's looking for in a girl."

"You...you think?" Maggie asked, blushing happily.

Elsewhere, a certain blonde fashionista let out a violent sneeze.

"Gazuntite." Her companion muttered, not bothering to look up from the rack of swimsuits she was rifling though.

"Arigato, Lori."

"Alright, children." Darkness clapped his hands in a manner resembling that of a schoolmarm trying to get her class uner control. "We've all had our fun, but you have work to do."

"Screw that." Fiona scoffed. "I'm injured. I demand to be given time off so I can recover from my explosion wounds! And furthermore—"

Snap!

The brunette blinked in surprise as Darkness snapped his fingers, causing her wounds to vanish as if they had never been there to begin with.

"Wow!" She exclaimed, looking herself over. "I feel fantastic! I feel better than I did before you exploded me! I..." She trailed off, her face regaining its usual dour expression as her brain finally caught up with her mouth. "I'm gonna have to do something tedious, frustrating, and painful, and you need me better so I can properly suffer through it...right?"

"That depends." Darkness leaned back in his chair. "What does teaming you up with Maggie count as?"

"All of the above." Fiona muttered, collapsing into her seat with a grimace. Maggie shrugged, saying nothing, seemingly accepting the older girl's ill-will. Then she brightened up, as a thought seemingly occurred to her.

"Are we gonna go get Lincoln?" She asked, eyes sparkling with hope. "I promise not to fall for any knock-knock jokes this time, honest."

"I'm sure you won't." Darkness nodded towards the raven haired girl. "And the answer to your question is, yes—"

Maggie let out a gasp of delight.

"—ssskinda."

The emo girl's face fell partway, leaving her in a mixed state of confusion, trapped between hope and despair.

"You might have broken her, boss." Fiona observed, chuckling to herself.

Snap!

Another snap of Darkness' fingers and Maggie's face resumed its usual configuration, which then quickly shifted back into confusion.

"Interesting, apparently there are some things even I can't fix." The creature murmured to himself. "Regardless, I'll explain." Darkness reached over and activated his intercom. "Send her in."

There was a polite knock at the door, drawing the attention of the two employees. Moments later, the door opened, and a tall, incredibly curvaceous young woman in a tight-fitting yellow mini-dress stepped into the room.

"You two," Darkness announced, grandly, "Will be field testing our flagship product."

Silence fell upon the room as Maggie and Fiona took in the new arrival, who walked briskly across the room and silently took her place alongside Darkness' desk.

"Is she...carrying it? Or something?" Maggie asked, not comprehending the situation.

"She looks familiar..." Fiona murmured, tapping the side of her head. Suddenly, her eyes widened in realization. "Wait, isn't that the girl Leni fought a while back?"

"Close, but not quite." Darkness replied, reaching into his desk. "But I applaud you on your observational skills. Have a candy!" Darkness withdrew a small lolipop and threw it to Maggie, who immediately tore off the wrapper and began devouring the treat.

"But I'm the one one who said it." Fiona gestured to herself.

"You were." Darkness nodded in acknowledgement. "But it's company policy to give Maggie all reward incentives."

"That doesn't sound especially fair." Fiona observed.

"Thank you." Darkness preened, clearly pleased.

"Yum yum." Maggie murmured, happily slurping her sweet.

"Whatever." Fiona gestured towards the new girl. "So what's the deal with the gratuitous teenage boy fantasy over there?"

Darkness leaned back in his chair, folding his hands in front of him. "As I said, this is our new flagship product. It has occurred to me that thus far, you two have been borderline useless. And I only say 'borderline', because Maggie's recent performance managed to drag the curve up a few notches."

"Yay." Maggie let out a short, monotone cheer, and briefly pumped her fist in the air.

"Indeed. So, I set R&D on the task of designing a better minion. This is the prototype, an artificial construct designed to look like my most recent host."

"Any particular reason?" Fiona asked, cupping her hands a short distance away from her own, not insubstantial chest. "Aside from the obvious ones?"

"Cute." Darkness rolled his eyes. "That body performed admirably in the fight against Gigant Green, only held back by the weaknesses of your fleshy human bodies."

"Fleshy is a bit of an understatement." Fiona interjected with a smirk.

"The construct has no such weaknesses." Darkness continued, ignoring her. "Her robust physique makes her extremely resilient to physical attacks, and her limbs—" He gestured towards the girl's curvy legs. "Should prove quite strong. Moreover, in addition to her combat capabilities, this particular design should be especially well suited for her primary purpose."

"Which is?"

"I need a small boy!" The artificial girl suddenly shouted at the top of her lungs, causing both girls to start in surprise. "I need him right now!"

Maggie and Fiona looked from the artificial girl to their employer, a rare moment where both girls were were united by their sense of incredulity.

"I did say she was a prototype." Darkness briefly rapt his fingers across his desk, thoughtful. "But that is the gist of it, more or less."

"The minion was designed with the ability to detect the unique energy signature that those Gigant girls use to transform." Darkness explained.

"Nifty, but what's the point of that?" Fiona asked. "They only ever transform when they're coming after us. Plus, I can literally just ask Leni where she is at any given time. And she'll tell me!" To demonstrate, Fiona pulled out her phone and showed it to the malevolent being.

Leni: Fiona! Are you free today? Lori and I are shopping, and totes defenseless! You should come join us! :)

"I can't believe I lost to that girl." Darkness muttered, shaking his head. Multiple times." The being of incalculable evil let out a short, despondent sigh, before straightening up once more.

"The point isn't to track the girls themselves, its to track their power source."

"Oooooooh." Maggie gasped. "She's a Lincoln tracker!"

"Small boy!" The girl shrieked, seemingly in agreement.

"Precisely." Darkness nodded at his protege. "The construct should be able to track the Loud boy within a fairly large radius. Your job is to accompany her and make sure nothing goes wrong. Once she makes contact, the construct will use her superior size and strength to subdue the boy and bring him back here."

Maggie glared at artificial girl unhappily. "I don't like it. But if it'll help us save Lincoln from his sisters...I guess its worth a try."

"Am I the only one concerned about the optics of sending an adult woman to abduct a kid?" Fiona asked, dryly. She received no response.

"Fine." Fiona rolled her eyes as she climbed to her feet. "Lets just get this over with."

"Excellent." Darkness gestured towards Fiona, and a single dark seed appeared in her hand. "In case of emergency only." He cautioned. "Strictly speaking, this is what you humans would refer to as a 'smash and grab'. I don't want you getting into a fight unless its absolutely necessary. And if you do your jobs right, it shouldn't be". He placed special emphasis on the last sentence.

"Trust me, the last thing I need today is another ass kicking." Fiona grumbled. "I've had enough of that for a while."

"It's probably because there's so much of it." Maggie opined as she stood up.

"So what are we supposed to call this thing?" Fiona looked the construct up and down, ignoring the younger girl. "We can't just call it 'Artificial Minion', right?"

"The boys in marketing actually had a suggestion for that in their proposal." Darkness rifled through a nearby stack of papers, finally withdrawing one from the pile. "Here is is. We'll be referring to this model as, 'Thicc QT'. Apparently it tested well among our key demographic."

"Of course it did." Fiona replied, sighing.