AN: This was a fun chapter to write, and so I was able to get it out a lot faster than I anticipated. Neat.
"And that's why we can't allow Lincoln to go on this date!" Luan concluded. Immediately her body slumped forward, her chest heaving up and down as she desperately tried to replenish the air that had been expended by her passionate speech.
A thoughtful silence fell upon the room. Luan's teammates, informally referred to as Team Gigant ("We need to come up with a real name!", Lori would grouse whenever they met) had taken up seats around Lincoln's bedroom to discuss the topic at hand, though the Loud boy himself was conspicuously absent. Lucy was also present, though nobody was entirely certain as to why. The diminutive goth had taken to following Lynn and Lincoln around, and seeing as how she never seemed particularly surprised when the discussion turned to talks of aliens, super powers, and dating arrangements regarding her brother, had presumably informed herself of the group's extra-cirricular, giant-lady fighting activities. Since Lynn never seemed to object to her presence, no one else saw the need to.
"Luan." Lori said, carefully choosing her words. "While I'm literally with you, as far as being apprehensive about letting Lincoln go on a date with a girl who's already tried to kidnap him—"
"And smush our house." Luna added.
"And wrecked our house." Lori amended, nodding towards the rocker. "I think I speak for everyone here when I say...nobody followed your explanation about what happened at the mall." A general murmur of agreement resounded from the remaining girls, with Lucy muttering something that might have sounded like "Three act structure."
The comedienne let out a long sigh of exasperation, and took a deep breath. "So every story begins with an inciting incident—"
"Your story would probably make a lot more sense if you ditched the super-hero junk." Lynn opined, mercifully preventing the older girl from repeating herself verbatim.
"It's toku! You stupid normie!" Luan retorted, glaring at the athlete. "And if you haven't noticed, it's more or less become the blueprint for our lives as of late!"
"Rubbish." Scoffed Luna. Another chorus of murmurs followed, more or less echoing the sentiment.
"I can't believe none of you see the parallels!" Luan shouted, now directing her ire at the entire group. "It's like none of you watched the research material I compiled for you!"
"Yeah, almost like..." Lori muttered, rolling her eyes.
Leni raised her hand, as if signaling that she wished to be called upon. "I couldn't get the record you gave me to work." She said, immediately rendering the gesture meaningless.
"That's because it was a DVD, sis." Luna gently corrected her.
"Oh. No wonder it made those weird noises when I put it in your record player."
"You what!?" Shouted Luan and Luna in unision.
"Now isn't the time for this!" Lori barked, taking command of the situation. Long honed instincts caused everyone in the room to immediately shut up and sit up straighter. Aside from Sam, who merely watched the show with no attempt made at hiding her amusement.
"Luan!" Lori jabbed one finger in the brunette's direction. "Explanation! Now!"
Luan opened her mouth.
"And no toku!" Lori sternly added, prompting a grunt of disapproval from the younger girl. Nevertheless, she complied.
"Lincoln and I went to the mall. I had to leave him alone for a little bit, and when I came to get him, Maggie had asked him on a date."
"There, was that so hard?"Lori asked sardonically.
"There are nuances—"
"Thought so." Lori concluded, smoothly steamrolling over the jokester's protests. "Now the question is, what do we do about this problem?" Seeing that Lynn had raised her hand, Lori nodded in the athlete's direction.
"Do we know if Lincoln actually agreed to go on the date?" Lynn asked, an unusually rational observation for the physically oriented girl.
"No, but it's Lincoln." Lori responded, gesturing around at the assembled group of girls. "What do you think he said?"
"Point taken." Lynn conceded, shrugging. "That boy can't say no to girls." The resounding chorus of agreement was significantly louder this time. "So what do we do about it?"
"Why do we need to do anything about it?" Sam asked, raising her hand and waving it around frantically. "We all know how this plays out by now. Lincoln's gonna charm the panties off her—"
"Not literally, I hope." Grumbled Lori.
"It might be literally." Leni added, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "Linky's really good at that."
"—And then we get a new member in the harem." Sam concluded happily. "Sounds like a win win to me."
"Did you miss the part where she's our enemy, luv?" Luna asked, eyeing her girlfriend warily. "What's to stop her from just running off with our little dude?"
"Also, still not a fan of calling us a 'harem'." Lori interjected. "It sounds skeevy."
"We're all sharing your little brother." Sam retorted. "Some of us are also involved with each other..." She gave a meaningful look at Leni, who had taken Lori's hand in her own and was gently patting it, trying to comfort the older girl. "...and this group would be even bigger if you hadn't vetoed giving those new girls a call. I think skeevy is kind of inevitable at this point." Lori opened her mouth, as if to respond. One moment later, she clamped it shut, and slumped down in her chair, clearly unhappy, but not disagreeing.
"So as I was saying..." Sam continued, "What's the harm in potentially turning an enemy into a friend?"
"I think you think you can personally benefit from this." Luna replied, flatly. Sam turned to her partner, eyes wide with surprise and shimmering with barely repressed innocence."
"Moi?" Asked the blonde.
"Tue." Came Luna's sharp retort. She looked back to the group. "I haven't seen this gal myself, but from Lincoln and the others tell me, she's something of a..."
"Big-tiddied emo-girl." Lynn supplied. "We've had classes together. She keeps to herself, but she's kind of hard to miss."
"Poser." Lucy muttered, barely audible. She surreptitiously glanced downward. "I need to start drinking more milk."
"I am appalled that you thought me so conceited as to try and benefit from the addition of a sexy new girl to our group." Sam huffed, fooling nobody. "Besides, she's clearly gonna end up in a weird, but strangely adorable three-way thing with Luan and Lincoln."
"Not! Happening!" Luan shouted. "I hate her!"
"It's pretty unlikely." Lori said, nodding in agreement. "I mean, they barely know each other. Heck, they've barely interacted at all."
"Cute idea though." Leni added, nodding sagely. "Like, opposites attract, or something."
"The point is, only good things can come of this." Sam concluded.
"I think..." Luan growled, still seething. "You're omitting one very important factor here."
"And that would be...?"
"That this is pretty much guaranteed to be a nefarious plot by our enemies!"
"Which is better, this one? Or this one?" Maggie asked. She held up one dress against her body, then another, taking the time to try and model the outfits as best she could without actually wearing them.
The effort was grossly misplaced.
"That one." Fiona muttered, not bothering to hide her disinterest.
"You didn't even look." Maggie protested, frowning more than usual. When the older girl refused to acknowledge the issue, she turned to the remaining member of her audience.
"They both look wonderful, sweetie." Darkness reassured her, in an uncharacteristically gentle tone. "But if you'd like, I asked Gladys to procure a few more options. Why don't you head up front and take a look?" Maggie gave the horror from beyond the starts a grateful look, before shooting one more frown at Fiona before taking her leave.
"Alright, level with me." Said Fiona as soon as the door closed.
"I beg your pardon?"
"This!" Fiona gestured to the far corner of Darkness' office, where there sat a fairly large pile of discarded dresses, hats, and shoes. "I offered to weigh in on the brat's clothes because I thought it'd be an easy way to kill some time while still on the clock—"
"Have I ever told you it's your dedication to the job that I really admire?"
"But we've been at this for hours!" Fiona exclaimed, ignoring the gibe. "What's the punchline here?!"
"Punchline?"
"What's the villainous plot at work here?" Fiona clarified, exasperated. "You got Maggie those tickets and encouraged her to finally ask that dope out, but where it this leading? How does this further your whole scheme to..." The brunette trailed off, blinking in surprise. "Actually, what is it you're trying to do again?"
"Consume the negative emotions of your kind so that I might amass the strength to crush my enemies, then devour your world."
"Right." Fiona nodded uncertainly. "That sounds...so much more sinister when you lay it out like that. I guess I forgot, what with all the inane bullshit we get distracted with."
"Things got more complicated than I had initially anticipated. There's shareholders to appease, markets to test, not to mention our last few product rollouts have suffered setbacks—"
"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that too. It doesn't seem like it's possible for us to actually profit off the garbage we make. I mean, you tried to sell a teleportation device that explodes people! What's the target demographic for that?"
"As for any 'villainous plot' at work here..." Darkness shrugged indifferently. "There is none."
There was a pause as Fiona considered this response. "Is there a 'nefarious plot' in the works?"
"No." Came Darkness' flat refusal. "Nor any synonymous phrase to that same effect. I want Maggie to have a nice time with Lincoln."
Another pause. "So she can...kill him?" Fiona ventured, cautiously. "Or maybe seduce him? Though...aren't they a little young for that."
"No!" This time the refusal was significantly more emphatic, so much that the walls of the office began to tremble.
"So...this is actually a date? We're not gonna attack the park or anything because you want to build your own themepark, and don't want to deal with the competition."
"Absolutely not." Darkness absentmindedly began to drum his fingers on his desk. "But lets put a pin in that idea."
Fiona slumped in her chair, befuddlement clearly apparent on her face as she tried to process this strange turn of events.
"...Why?" She asked at last. "Don't you need to...uh, get rid of that kid...at some point?" It was brief, but a pained and uncomfortable expression crossed the girl's face before the pause.
"I need to neutralize him." Darkness corrected her. "And not in a way that need be permanent. I just need to separate him from his allies. He is the source of their power, if I put him in a position where it's no longer possible for him to provide that power, the result will be the same as if I had destroyed them outright."
"So is that the play here?" Fiona pressed. "Get him so wrapped around Maggie's finger that he won't oppose you anymore?"
"Truthfully...no." Darkness shrugged indifferently. "I just want Maggie to go on a nice date. Things would probably be easier if she'd set her sights on someone else, but she's made her choice and I support that."
"I'm confused." Fiona announced, somewhat redundantly given her plainly present perplexion.
"Haven't you seen the way she gets when she talks about him?" Darkness asked. "How happy he makes her just by existing? Let alone by being in her presence? It triggers a remarkable change in the girl, like she becomes someone else entirely. And while I do find her usual demeanor to be inordinately entertaining, in no small part because of how she vexes you so—"
"I knew there was a reason you treat her better than me."
"The reason is that I like her better than you." Darkness snidely corrected her. "But yes, while playing the two of you against each other is fun, the truth is that Maggie is...happier because of Lincoln. And it pleases me to see her that way. And I think I would very much like to see her in her post-Lincoln state on a much more frequent basis. Permanently, if possible.
"Are you..." Fiona fumbled for the words, unable to comprehend what she was about to suggest. "Are you...shipping them?"
Darkness leaned forward, folding his hands in front of him, as he looked Fiona squarely in the eye. Finally, he spoke.
"I don't know what that means."
"...And that is why Lincoln should be allowed to go on a date with the big-tiddied emo girl." Sam concluded, reaching into her jacket pocket and pulling out a small stack of flash cards. "Now if there are any concerns that still need to be addressed, I've prepared a number of followup arguments—"
"All in favor of agreeing so Sam'll finally shut up?" Lynn interjected, lying on the ground, face buried as deeply into the room's carpet as she could manage.
"Aye!" Came a chorus of similarly haggard agreements. Notable was that Luna's was the most vocal of the bunch.
"Nay!" Growled Luan, struggling to sit upright once more. "I'm not going to send my little brother into danger because of a stupid filibuster!"
"Then I will present an alternative argument." Six sets of shoulders jerked in surprise as Lucy's soft voice cut through the air. Unlike her sisters, the youngest of the group looked no worse for wear. Luan held up one finger, no doubt signaling that an objection was forthcoming.
"A succinct argument." Lucy added. Silently, Luan lowered her finger, and motioned for the younger girl to continue.
"The issue is as follows." Said the small goth. "Lincoln obviously cares about this girl's well being. Are you willing to be the one to tell him he can't go? To force him, if need be, to disappoint her?"
There was a moment where it looked like Luan would immediately agree. But as the moments stretched on, the comedienne's conviction seems to wane, her expression looking less and less certain. Finally, she slumped back in her chair.
"Dang it." Came her quiet response.
"Quite." Lucy replied, nodding. "However I will propose an alternative solution that should satisfy everyone."
"And what would that be?" Lori asked, warily, as the remaining Loud sisters assembled themselves in their previous arrangement once more.
"We send someone to shadow Lincoln on his date. A chaperone of sorts who can step in if things are not as benign as they appear to be."
"Not Luan." Lucy added a moment later. From her expression, it was clear that the jokester was about to propose that very thing. "She can't be impartial when it comes to Maggie."
"Then who?" Luan asked, sourly.
"I'll go." Said Leni, something in her voice drawing the other's attention to her. Gone was the blonde's usual bubbly, carefree tone. There was an unusual...firmness in her voice that commanded respect. "I want to make sure she's right for Linky."
"Uh, not that I'm saying you can't, Leni..." Lori began, flinching as Leni fixed her gaze upon her, despite there being nothing outwardly threatening about the younger blonde's expression. "But should you? This kind of thing would call for a certain level of..."
"Tact?" Offered Luna.
"Subtlety?" Sam supplied.
"Not being an oversized bombshell?" Lynn added, only the slightest amount of venom in her voice.
"All of those." Lori nodded in agreement. "A stealth mission isn't exactly your strong suit, Leni."
"Then I will go with her." Lucy said, her voice brooking no room for argument. "I am nothing if not discrete." Lori still looked pensive, but at last she finally nodded her assent, however halting it was.
"Then that's that." Leni said, once no further objections appeared to be forthcoming. "Tomorrow is Operation: Go On Linky's Date...With...Linky? But...not?"
Another pause as the girls mulled this over.
"It's better when Lincoln does it." Sam opined.
I've been kicking around this little idea for a while, trying to figure out were would be a good place to put it in the story. But I think it might work better as an omake, so here's a little extra thing for you guys to enjoy.
Omake:
"Got the snacks, Linky." Said Leni. The tall blonde stooped down next to the lawn chair Lincoln had situated himself upon, a cooler clutched in one hand and a small, folded up table in the other. With a flourish, she unfolded the table, then set about unpacking the cooler. Within short order, a small tray of assorted fruits and vegetables had been set out, as well as a large pitcher of lemonade and two glasses.
"Thanks Leni." Lincoln nodded gratefully at the older girl as she stepped away to retrieve a chair for herself. He began pouring himself a glass. "Watching these two really works up a thirst, and I couldn't exactly leave them alone."
The individuals in question were the Loud twins, Lola and Lana. Lincoln had been volunteered to watch the pair while the played outside, his parents having gone off to do...whatever it was adults did when they managed to briefly absolve themselves of parental responsibilities. Things had been touch and go for a while, but the girls had finally found an activity with which to occupy themselves. Mercifully, this kept their attention on their work, and off one another, or Lincoln himself for that matter.
"Are they still at it?" Leni asked as she returned, chair in hand. She set herself up on the other side of the table, and accepted a glass of lemonade from her brother.
"Think they're about done." Lincoln hadn't been privy to the discussion himself, but it appeared the girls had settled upon building something in their sandbox. Lincoln hadn't been particularly interested, at first, he'd been more grateful for the break than anything But as time went on, his interest grew. What had initially began as merely shuffling sand around had turned into the construction of a tiny sand building. Then another, then another still. And so on, and so forth. Now, the pair appeared to be putting the finishing touches on a sprawling sand metropolis, tiny streets of sand weaving between modest, sand buildings and (relatively) sprawling sand skyscrapers, even tiny round-faced sand people, and little sand cars adorned the miniature cityscape. It was probably the most ambitious project he'd ever seen them embark upon on using this particular medium, and Lincoln was very impressed.
"Oooh, I think you're right!" Leni squeaked as quietly as she could. Upon joining her little brother outside, the older girl had become similarly engrossed in the twins' project, and the pair had been engaged in heated speculation over what the point of all this was before Leni had briefly excused herself to obtain refreshments. Now it seemed all their waiting had finally come to fruition. The older Loud siblings waited with baited breath as Lola scurried out of the sandbox, while Lana took up a spot in the middle of their little sand city.
"Raaaawr!" Lana announced as she began stomping around the diminutive metropolis. "Fear me, Royal Sands! For I have come to destroy you!"
"Aww." Leni cooed. "That's so—"
"Not so fast!" Lola shouted. The would-be princess took a running start, then leapt into the sandbox, taking up a position opposite Lana. "Your reign of terror is over, you icky monster. For I, Gigant Pink, am here to stop you!"
Lincoln could hear the joy welling up within Leni, as an enormous grin erupted across the older girl's face.
"Oh...em...gosh, Linky!" She squealed, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Look at them!"
Lincoln had no intention of doing otherwise, bemused as he was by the twins' antics. Apparently his older sister's exploits had become well enough known that even children as young as them knew of the giant superheroines who periodically showed up to save the city. As he watched his younger sisters play fight in a manner strangely reminiscent of the actual fights he and Leni had partaken in, he was charmed and enthralled by how enthusiastic they were about the whole thing. This is why he and his sisters continued to put their lives on the line the way they did. To protect the smiles of girls just like these. It was strangely gratifying.
"Blarg." Lana called out, falling on her back as Lola dealt her a mighty, imaginary blow. "I can't fight anymore. You have defeated me, Gigant Pink."
"Yes!" Lola crowed, posing dramatically with her hands on her hips. "I have saved the town of Royal Sands from the wicked monster."
Lincoln chuckled to himself. The ending to the fight had been a little anticlimactic, but they were kids, what could you expect? They were kids, it was pretty much inevitable that the narrative would end with the bad guy being defeated and the good guy—
"And now!" Lola continued. "Having saved the city. I get to destroy it myself!"
...Wait, what?
Lola let out a roar far more terrifying than anything Lana had managed to produce, and dove her fist into a nearby sand building, smashing it into pieces.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha!" Lola cackled, as she began moving through the city. Lincoln watched in horror as tiny sand cars and even tinier sand people fell beneath the wayside, gleefully stomped into smithereens by Lola's (relatively) enormous feet.
Lincoln barely registered Leni's gentle touch on his shoulder, as his big sister leaned down and whispered into his ear.
"Linky?" She asked, the duo wincing in unison as Lola took a flying leap, pulverizing City Hall in the process. "Maybe you should hold off on giving Lola any kisses any time soon. Like...forever? Maybe?"
Lincoln could only nod woodenly, too entranced and terrified by the destruction of the tiny city happening before his very eyes to respond more intelligently.
"Lola! You're supposed to protect the city! Not destroy it!"
"I can do whatever I want!" Lola replied, nastily. "Because I'm the biggest!" Then she snatched up a tiny sand person, and popped him into her mouth. A moment later, she spat it out.
"Ewwww" She groaned, continuing to spit, trying to rid her mouth of her poorly chosen meal.
Lincoln could only shake his head wearily. Yeah, he was definitely sticking to hugs for the foreseeable future.
"That tasted terrible!"
"It's was sand! What were you expecting it to taste like?"
"Shut up, Lana!"
...Definitely hugs. Maybe even handshakes, just to be on the safe side.