Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me but are the property of J.K.R. and Warner Bros. No copyright infringement is intended. The theme for this round of the competition was Merpeople and my chosen pairing was Tracey Davis/Harry Potter. Thank you to my beta, Frumpologist for their time, help and most especially their encouragement as I worked through my difficulties with the theme. Your patience and kindness mean the world to me!
See the end for more notes as they have spoilers!
Tracey knows she has to tell him, her time is running out. The uneasy feeling in her gut reminds her of her own inability to make a decision. It should be easy. They all told her it would be easy. They told her the others had always known where they belonged. She remembers the advice she was given and tries to meditate, listening desperately for the voice inside herself that should be able to guide her to the right path.
She hears the beat of her own heart, the blood rushing through her veins, the air as it rushes in and out of her human lungs. But there is no voice. Maybe she is defective. Maybe this is the answer to her question. How can she follow her brethren below the surface if she has no inner voice? Perhaps she was never meant to join them.
But the water calls to her. It will not be ignored. She knows she is still needed there, at least for now. She thinks of Harry and she weeps.
For the first time in her life, she identifies with her mother and she doesn't like it. She's always had so much anger for the human who broke her father's heart, but she thinks she understands her now. It would have been incredibly difficult for her mother to choose him and that life when her only experience within the Black Lake was the day she nearly drowned in it.
Merpeople frown on interfering with human troubles, but they have no laws against it. Her father wasn't the first Merperson to save a witch's life, nor would he be the last. He was even far from unique for falling in love with a human or having a child with one. His choice to stay below the surface when his chosen mate would not follow was unexpected, but also not without precedent.
It was never meant to be this way for Tracey. She wanted hers to be a simple, easy choice. After years of guarding herself and avoiding attachments, she had almost made it. Falling in love with Harry wasn't something that she meant to happen. This love forces her to question everything she thought she wanted. Part of her yearns to mourn him before he can refuse her and save herself from some of the pain.
As she feels the hysteria threaten to engulf her, Tracey suddenly remembers she has something at her disposal which her father never did. A witch's magic can do things a Merperson can only dream of. She knows she could never convince her lover with words, but she doesn't have to. She can show him.
Harry walks towards the Black Lake, Tracey's fingers lazily intertwined with his own. He can tell she is worried about something, the anxiety rolls off her in waves and he wonders if others can read her like he does. Surely not, or she would never have survived so many years in Slytherin. Still, he smiles placidly, secure in his thought that whatever is bothering her, they can figure it out together.
If there was one thing Harry Potter never expected to find when he returned for his Eighth Year at Hogwarts, it was a girlfriend. And yet, here he is, growing more confident with each passing day that he wants nothing more than to make the woman at his side his wife.
He squeezes her hand gently and she gives him a tight smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. They reach the shore and she leads him around to a secluded cove that looks like the perfect spot to wade in the shallow water.
He laughs. "If I didn't know better, I'd think we were going for a swim! Was I supposed to bring my trunks?"
Tracey blanches and stares at him with wide eyes. Something is definitely wrong, but he still can't put his finger on what it is.
"Do you trust me, Harry?" she asks, her voice quiet and trembling.
He stares at her, taking in her terrified expression, before stepping forward to gently cup her face in his hands. "Of course, I do." He speaks soothingly, wanting nothing more than for the woman he loves to return to her carefree self.
"There is no good way to say this," she says and his heart is filled with unexpected worry. "I love you. Forgive me."
Then everything goes black. He can't move; he can't see. Unfamiliar magic washes over his skin, and for a brief moment, his lungs protest the air like he has forgotten how to breathe. Someone is moving him. He feels unnaturally warm in the early summer sun, until he is suddenly plunged beneath the surface of the Black Lake.
The water flows over him and his senses come alive as though he has only been pretending to feel until this very moment. The heated discomfort of living in his skin evaporates in the cool rush of the current and he follows his instincts, diving down toward the sandy bottom.
He feels changed.
Awareness sets in. He should be gasping for breath, but he is not. He should feel the heaviness of his maladapted limbs struggling to propel him, but he does not. He waits for the panic to set in as he approaches the murky depths where his eyesight will surely fail him, but it never comes. Though he cannot see what lies through the dark, cloudy water surrounding him, he knows what is there with a certainty he cannot explain. He can sense it in his bones.
He is safe, no harm will come to him here. This surprises him. He vaguely recalls that the last time he was so far beneath the surface of this body of water, he felt out of place, terrified, hunted.
Sensing a presence behind him, he stops and turns, coming face to face with what is both undeniably a Merperson and also Tracey. She looks different, but the same and he finds that frighteningly easy to accept. He remembers his very real fear of the Merpeople he encountered during the second Triwizard task; it could never be difficult to recall when he regularly has nightmares about them. Some part of him feels that he should be repulsed by the woman 一 the creature 一 in front of him, but he isn't.
Her face changes into something like a smile as she reaches for his hand and pulls him toward the centre of the lake. This turn of events has ignited his curiosity and he follows her without protest.
Tracey is pulled between the familiar feeling of freedom she always finds below the surface and a new, exhilarated and anxious vibration running through her at the thought of having Harry here with her.
He looks confused, like he hasn't fully understood what's happened to him. He doesn't seem particularly repulsed by her selkie appearance; that's more than she expected knowing his history with her kind. Before she can doubt herself, she grabs him by the hand and steers him toward the village.
As they approach, his reticence obviously increases and by the time the first dwellings are within reach, there is fear in Harry's eyes. That she cannot communicate with him while they are underwater complicates things immensely. She probably should have thought of that while they were still on the shore, but she was at a loss of how else to begin the conversation and made several hasty decisions in the process.
Taking him by the hands, she glances down at his fins, willing him to notice that he will blend right in and has nothing to be concerned about. Reflective surfaces are not common below the waves, though she finds herself wishing she could show him what a handsome Merman he makes. When he finally follows her gaze, his eyes grow wide in shock. She tenderly strokes his cheek, indicating the settlement ahead of them with her other hand and he finally relents, letting her lead the way there.
Everyone stares as they pass; it isn't often there is a newcomer among them. She has checked their laws so many times to be sure. She isn't doing anything wrong by bringing Harry here, but to describe Merpeople as insular is an understatement. She knows it is unlikely any of them will even approach him unless he chooses to join them permanently. They will also not harm him, that isn't their way. She searches for her father, hoping he will consent to meet this man who means so much to her. He is nowhere to be seen and Tracey swallows her disappointment.
Their time is already running short; there are limitations to how long the spell can last, and Tracey knows it is time to return above.
The moment they break the surface, she summons the wand she left hidden near the water's edge and reverses the spell she placed on Harry, knowing he hasn't had enough time to properly learn to breathe air in his borrowed form. He scrambles up the bank, assembling and putting on the clothing she hastily removed from him as he was transforming earlier and she has the decency to blush and look away. Her nervousness is palpable, like a weight hanging over her in mid-air.
She watches him as he sits several meters away, eyeing her with concern, his damp clothing clinging to his still wet skin underneath them. She is sitting in the shallows, her selkie features on full display in the light of day, nervously waiting for his judgement.
Harry isn't sure exactly how long it's been since they first arrived in this spot by the lake, but whatever time has passed, he knows it's not been enough to process everything he just experienced. He can tell she is nervous, sitting in the sun, still wearing a skin he barely recognizes. He is wrestling with too many emotions to properly consider what he should bring up first, so he settles on the elephant in the room.
"You're a mermaid," he says, sounding calmer than he feels.
"I'm a Merperson, a selkie to be precise. But I'm really only half selkie. My mother is a witch," she answers, rambling a little. Her voice sounds different but recognizable, and it makes him wonder how much of her human appearance is real.
"What does it mean? Which one is the real you? Doesn't this change...everything?" Harry runs his hand nervously through his rapidly drying hair without looking away from her. He remembers how ugly he found the Merpeople when he had first encountered them and wonders if his emotional attachment is somehow contributing to his continued attraction to the person 一 the selkie 一 in front of him.
"They're both the real me, Harry. I can switch between my forms until I come of age in the Merpeople's realm. That's 19. Then I have to choose…" Her voice nearly fades out at the end of her statement.
"That's in three weeks! Does this mean you're choosing to leave me? Why did you wait so long to tell me?" His voice gets louder with every question. He knows he is getting agitated and he can see that his anxiety is upsetting her, but he can't stop. The words are bubbling up into his throat and choking him, he has to let them out. "And what was that! You didn't even ask me first, you just changed my body and threw me in without even a word of explanation! I think I deserve a little bit more of your trust. I thought I did."
Her silence does nothing to reassure him and he is beginning to find the shimmer of her scales, the distortion of her face, unsettling. As though she can read his thoughts, her body begins to shift until she looks like the woman he is in love with again. She stands and walks to the pile of her clothing set on the bank, casting drying charms over herself as she goes.
Harry cannot help but stare openly at her nude body. He meets her eye for a moment and she blushes but doesn't cover herself. He watches her dress, unhurried, before she comes to sit beside him on the grass and places a shaking hand over his.
"I've been trying to figure out how to tell you for weeks," she says, lifting earnest eyes to his face. "All I know is that I don't want to lose you. But it's complicated. There's so much you don't know."
He breathes deeply, feeling the air stretch his lungs until it almost hurts and then letting it rush out of him in a burst of sound. "Then tell me, Tracey."
She looks him in the eye and he can tell she is about to say something monumental. "You could choose to come with me, if you wanted."
Harry is stunned for a moment, but fights the urge to leap away from her. It wouldn't be fair of him to dismiss her outright when he's only just asked her to be honest, but part of him knows he could never leave his entire world behind, even for her.
"I guess we have a lot of things to talk about," he says, taking her hand in his.
She nods.
It's a beautiful, sunny day and they are sitting curled up together in an oversized armchair in the Eighth Year common room, trying to study. Harry is stroking her hair, but the only thing Tracey is painfully aware of is that tomorrow is her nineteenth birthday. She still feels conflicted and she hates herself for it.
Putting the book down, she lets herself melt into the warmth of the man beside her and closes her eyes. They've shared so much since that day near the lake, discussed every detail. She can't think about it anymore. Harry told her last night that his life was on land, but she hasn't been able to definitively say she won't go, even without him. She can tell from the way he hasn't left her side all day that he is preparing for the worst.
The only times she has found any peace at all in the past three weeks have been here, with him. What more could she possibly need to choose him?
She is dozing off when an unexpected sound jolts her back to reality.
Stay.
The word fills her mind, and for a moment she almost thinks Harry has spoken to her out loud. "Did you say something, love?" she asks, disbelieving.
He smiles sadly at her, shakes his head, no, and looks back down at the book propped up on his knees.
You know who I am. And you know what to do. Stay.
Tracey is sceptical by nature, but she has been waiting for this moment for years, begging for it for months, and she doesn't need to be told again. But there is something she needs to do first.
She jumps up from the chair, upsetting Harry's book and startling him. "Sorry! I have to go."
The look of panic and pain that crosses his face cements what she already knows, but she could kick herself for hurting him, even by accident.
"No! I mean, there's something I need to do." She grabs his face with both hands and plants her lips firmly on his, pouring every bit of her love for him into the kiss. "I will be back. To stay. I promise!"
Harry smiles with tears in his eyes and nods. "Okay. I'll be here."
She runs. She rushes out of the castle and over the grounds, past groups of students enjoying the sunshine. She doesn't stop until she reaches a familiar stretch of shallow water that she knows as well as the backs of her own hands. She sheds her clothes and dives in mid-transformation, swimming as fast as she can to the place she has called home so many times over the years.
Many Merpeople are watching her as she approaches. They gather with expressions full of joy and she realises they think she is coming back, that she has chosen them. But she doesn't stop until she is face to face with her father. He is not smiling.
Her heart beats loudly in her chest and she knows this might be the most difficult thing she ever has to do.
"You knew," she says, the Mermish slipping fluently from her tongue.
He looks at her sadly and reaches for her hand.
"I love you. Do not live with regrets, as I have," he answers. "Go."
Tracey throws her arms around him in a very human way and squeezes him until he returns her affection. The moment is bittersweet, though the opportunity to say goodbye before closing this door is a gift she is grateful for. She thinks of Harry, patiently waiting for her return and she knows the time has come to leave this part of her life behind, to embark on new adventures.
With one last kiss to her father's cheek, she turns away and swims toward the surface.
Author's Notes:
This theme was a difficult one for me as one of my triggers is anything to do with drowning or being completely submerged in water. Harry's fear of the Merpeople was rooted in his canon experiences during the Triwizard Tournament, but also inspired by my own, and his experience of being transformed into a Merperson temporarily was partially my attempt at working through my own fears.
I knew right from the beginning that I wanted to stay at Hogwarts and build on the very limited lore we get about the Merpeople in the Black Lake. I knew I wanted to use the idea of a transformation from human to creature or creature to human, something inspired by The Little Mermaid, rather than the more violent transformation of werewolves in canon. But what really helped me craft the mermaid lore that was central to my story was watching the movie Hook. I got stuck on the idea of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys being able to choose to go to London and grow up, just like Wendy could have chosen to stay in Neverland forever and stay young. But both of those choices were kind of final. They could never really go back once the choice was made but each person ultimately felt like one of those options was best for them, though no choice is ever truly painless.