Chapter 2
Saw you walk inside a bar
He said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah, you look happier, you do
Lucifer's thoughts were interrupted by Pierce's booming voice, "Well Chloe, we should probably get going if we are going to make it to the restaurant in an hour. Guess you can blame L.A. traffic, right?" Pierce's cheap cunning laugh was almost noticeable had it not been for the blaring plead in Lucifer's eyes. If he was honest with himself, he would say that pleading for her is wrong. She is clearly happy with Pierce, but his devilish mind can't help but wonder if deep in her soul she desires something more. These thoughts, wishes, only hurt his mind more. They make his heart ache with disappointment with hatred for himself. It takes Chloe finally answering Pierce for him to realize he wasn't even focused on her but rather his hands. The devil was a fidgeter, who knew? He couldn't bare to look into her eyes for a second longer, so he focused on his fingers, the emptiness between them. How for if he closed his eyes for just a second longer than the average blink, he could imagine her perfectly slender fingers molding next to his. He could dare torment himself like this for any longer. He needed to know how to get rid of this feeling, this dread; and Lucifer knew just the person to help.
Chloe just glances up at Pierce then quickly back to Lucifer before stating, almost blankly, "Yeah I guess we should get going. Lucifer?" He peered up at her from where his eyes were still fixated, as if to answer her hail. "Will you be back at the station soon? I know you've been busy with LUX, but the department still needs their best consultant", Chloe stated with a shy grin. The question should have caught Lucifer off guard but rather it was the Detective calling him a consultant that wounded him more. He was more than just a consultant he was her partner! They were partners! His blood began to rise because after everything hadn't, she at the very least considered him as a partner, an acquaintance, a coworker. No, just a consultant, nothing more. A person who comes and goes out of her life as he pleases because that's just who Lucifer showed himself to be. He took a deep breath and responded, "I'm not sure. LUX has had all my attention recently. It always chooses me, and I always choose it. You two better be getting to your dinner, I wouldn't want to be the reason something goes wrong."
With that last statement Lucifer turned on his heal and tossed his car keys at the valet. He walked inside the bar and the door shut abruptly behind him. He was gone from her sight but that didn't stop her from seeing him. It was like her eyes and brain were betraying her. Every time Chloe blinked, she saw him. He looked bleak, almost without emotion. She thought to herself, 'Did I do that? Did I make him so numb that when he looks at me all he sees is pain and missed opportunity?' The Detective couldn't worry herself any longer, the male that was previously standing in front of her doesn't want her. He doesn't feel as though he is worthy of her and that well, sucks. If she admitted it to herself, she would say that she wished that dinner had ended differently, preferably in a different room in his penthouse. Alas, Lucifer didn't believe that he was worth Chloe and no matter what she wanted to do to change that she couldn't. Chloe had to move on no matter how much it stung.
Pierce nudged Chloe and she glanced towards him, not realizing her eyes were still infatuated upon the LUX entrance. "Chloe, we should really get going." Pierce stated, "Plus I heard that Vietnamese place is Pho-king amazing!" Chloe couldn't stop herself. She wished she could, but the corniest laugh erupted from her throat like a volcano. Pierce joined in because, number one it was a hilarious joke, and number two it's quite unsettling when one person doesn't laugh at a joke someone else is kneeing over for. Lucifer found himself disgusted at the sight below him. He was leaning on the balcony of the penthouse sipping his whiskey when he heard an odd commotion outside. Technically, Lucifer was nursing this glass because he was already on his third but that is besides the point. He glanced down at the street to try and deduce what the source of the noise was or rather who. What he didn't want to see was his, um Chloe and Pierce howling at each other over what seemed to be a rather annoying joke. He was sadly too far away to search her eyes to determine if it was a genuine laugh, but any outsider could see it was. Their mouths were open ear-to-ear in a smile. Man, Lucifer had never seen her smile like that wide, that happily, that carefree. This sight almost pained him more. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Lucifer wanted to see her happier. Hell, she deserved that much after what they went through.
Lucifer took another swig of his whiskey, and another, and another, until he was back at his bar making another glass. He was now sauntering back to the balcony bringing the whole bottle of whiskey with him. He really did have one of the best views in the city. Lucifer gazed at the now falling sun, how the hue of the sky had turned from a baby blue to a cotton candied sky. He was sure that it was just bright and sunny outside, typical Los Angeles, but his watch told a different story. The Rolex shouted at him that it was nearing eight in the evening. Had he really been drinking for that long? Not sure if he is more upset at himself or the situation but he knew he needed to talk to someone. So he reached in his slacks and pulled out his phone. Going through his contacts, he scrolled to the Ls, selected her number and pressed call. It rang until finally she answered, "Lucifer, hey! What's going on?" Linda asked. He could hear the care in her voice and he wasn't sure if that upset him or if it was the fact that she answered. Lucifer knew the right thing to do in this situation was obviously to contact his therapist and to seek out her advice. However, in this moment, Lucifer was sure that whatever advice she did give him he more than likely wasn't going to follow it but he would give it a shot.
"Hey doc." There was a pregnant pause and Linda could sense there was a Detective sized problem on his mind. "Lucifer, is everything okay? Do you want to meet me at my office?" She heard a long sigh on the opposite end of the phone then what sounded like a gulp and what she hoped was water swishing in a glass. "Why? Why Doctor?" Lucifer posed. Linda furrowed her brow as she sat back down on her couch. Lucifer had called Linda before with his internal dilemmas regarding Chloe, but this time he sounded, defeated? He continued, "Why do I ruin everything I touch? Everyone? Why am I such a coward? Why c-", he stopped and she heard another gulp. Gently, he placed the glass on the balcony floor. He couldn't finish the thought he started because the alcohol took over. Sure, he doesn't get as inebriated as quickly as humans do but when you drink almost a full bottle it tends to affect you. Lucifer let out a full sigh as if to fill the silence on the other end of the phone. This is one of the few times in their relationship when Linda didn't have an answer or even a question to retort back to him. Roughly thirty seconds of nothing from either side passed when Linda heard a dial tone.
Lucifer just sat there on the balcony, half empty bottle in his right hand, cell phone in the left. Was Lucifer just bred to be alone? He knew that was Chloe deserved wasn't him, but it mostly certainly wasn't Pierce either. She deserved to be happy with someone that wasn't trying to use her love, her attention for their own celestial gain. If Lucifer was honest with himself he knew what his desire was, he wanted her to chose him. No matter how much his devil heart ached for that to become reality it simply wasn't possible. The Detective hadn't 'seen' him, his monstrous side. It simply was not fair of Lucifer to profess his feelings to her without her seeing that side; however, he feared that if she did see him that she wouldn't be able to live with that knowledge. The fear of her rejection was enough to keep Lucifer from releasing that side of himself. What if she broke down? What if their partnership was completely ruined to the point of no return? What if she saw his face and couldn't accept that irrespective of the fact that he was the devil, deep down he was still her partner? Lucifer brought the bottle back up to his lips and took a rather large swig of the brown liquid. These 'what ifs' were open ended, and frankly quite useless because it wouldn't happen. His face wouldn't get revealed, Chloe would continue not believing him, and they would hopefully continue on being partners. All Lucifer could hold onto was hope. Hope that they wouldn't lose this thing they shared together. A connection he had with the Detective was one he had never experienced before in all his eons and he wished he possessed the confidence to strengthen that connection, to move it past just a partnership but alas, that wasn't in the cards for the two of them. So there he slouched on the balcony of his penthouse thinking that if he wasn't happy with her at least she was appeared to be happier with Pierce.