"Oh, it's just Carol." Lincoln said as he scrambled behind Carol to close the door behind her and gave a polite bow, "Welcome to our humble ah-boh-day"
"It's pronounced abode, twerp." Lori rolled her eyes and walked over to the couch to see what was on TV now that it was open. She'd be a bit more upset about her little siblings crowding around her friend and treating her like some kind of goddess-made-flesh, but it's just Carol. And plus- Lori kind of enjoys throwing Carol to the wolves. It might help her get out of her shell more.
Carol bent down and ruffled Lincoln's white hair, "Thank you for being a polite little gentleman and welcoming me to your home! Are you having fun in 2nd grade, Lincoln?"
Lincoln shrugged his shoulders, "It's okay, I guess. Clyde isn't in my class so I'm trying to make new friends." He leaned casually on the door to try and emulate all the cool dudes he's seen in TV and movies. "Not a whole lot of peeps can keep up with me- and the white hair isn't really helping. But hey, they're the ones missing out. But I do have one friend named Jordan from speech-therapy back in kindergarten in my class, but we are only school-friends." Lincoln flipped his hair back and stuck one hand in his pocket, "You know how it is…"
Carol did not know "how it is", but was happy that Lincoln was reaching out. And that he can actually hold a conversation now without stuttering even once. "Well, I'm glad you are getting to meet new people." Carol bent down and looked at him in his eyes and Lincoln quirked an eyebrow, "You are a person worth knowing, Lincoln. I know that when you grow up you'll be surrounded by tons of friends! So just tough it out for now and don't be afraid to be yourself!"
Lincoln blushed and averted his eyes before composing himself, "Yeah, I'll try. I usually get in trouble a lot because I talk in class- the counselor says that I'm easily excited. Buuuut it kinda gets on everyone else's nerves and they say I'm a motor-mouth. But whatev's, this world is full of Haters." Lincoln shook his head and gave a sad smile, he truly felt bad for the Haters, "But I'm not going to let them get me down."
Lynn rolled her eyes and opened her mouth with slit eyes, "Joooordan is a giiiirl. Everyone calls her Girl Jordan but Lincoln whenever they're aloooone."
Lincoln's eyes widened in terror as the rest of his sisters smelt blood on the water.
"Oh, Girl Jordan!" Leni cheered as she looked up from the laptop in the corner of the living room, "I remember her! She always says hi to Lincoln whenever we see her family around town!"
"Do I hear wedding bells?" Luna asked with a warm smile, she took a seat next to Lori and gave her eldest sister a playful nudge with her elbow. Lori rolled her eyes.
"Whooooa, little lady killer! Need a place to dump the body?" Luan laughed, she went over to the bookshelf to retrieve a book titled 1001 Dating Jokes.
"They practically are joined at the hip during recess- with Clyde on Lincoln's other flank." Lucy was at the coffee table sitting on the floor, she gave a small nod to Lori who returned a raised eyebrow, "Girl Jordan plays Mother during house, while Lincoln plays the role of Father. Whenever it is my turn to play with them Girl Jordan makes me play the Aunt. I gave the Aunt character a backstory where she lost her husband under mysterious circumstances. Girl Jordan's character is trying to introduce me to new suitors, but my character isn't over her grief just yet."
"Hmm…" Lori pondered out loud, it was taking her every ounce of willpower not to jump up and spin her little brother in the air and squee. She remembered Girl Jordan and she was pretty sure they both had crushes on each other. "Please, Lincoln. Be nice and patient with Girl Jordan. She is very patient with you."
Lincoln groaned and threw his hands up in the air, "Okay, so I play a game at recess and all of the sudden I am married? I don't even have a more-gauge or nothin'! I'd be a horrible husband cuz I don't even have a soul-crushing job or an education yet. I can't marry Jordan even if I wanted to- and I don't really wanna, it's just pretend! I'm a kid!"
"Yeah, you're a snot-nosed brat now! But, when you're all grown up and have hair everywhere but your head, like dad, I bet a thousand dollars you are gonna marry Girl Jordan and have weird white-haired babies with her and get matching bathrobes." Lynn teased with her arms folded up. Carol was a bit flustered and could only open and close her mouth in confusion.
"Me and Jordan both agreed not to have kids until she is vested in her retirement plan! We got her eggies frozen like her mom so even if she gets old and her eggies go bad and gross the baby will be healthy! Plus- we have to move around a lot for my job, I'm an architect who designs laser-tag arenas, people depend on my work!" Lincoln roared as he pointed his finger in Lynn's face, she backed off and smirked, "AND ANOTHER THING! Me and Jordan aren't even husband and wife, we are common-law married! For taxes! You don't even know what taxes even ARE!"
Lucy went up on the couch to whisper into Lori's ear, "Lincoln and Girl Jordan's character have a political marriage, they claim that it is loveless. But I have observed them kiss each other on the cheek when they think no one is paying attention. So there might be something there…" Lori almost tore something while she fought the urge to yell about how cute her little brother is, "I am thinking of introducing a third-party into their relationship and planting the seeds of doubt of unfaithfulness to see if their relationship is more than just a convenient facade…" Lori nodded and gave Lucy a thumbs up before the black hair girl slinked from the couch to go back to her homework on the coffee table. The elder sibling looked at Lincoln and Lucy and wondered if she should get mom to change the parental lock password on the TV, they have pretty wild ideas about relationships
Lynn gasped, "I KNOW WHAT TAXES ARE! Margot told me that the school is paid for by taxes, which is money stolen by the government and laundried to pay teachers to give me lunch detention because they can't handle the TRUTH!"
Carol was about to step in to teach the two of them about how taxes aren't really all that bad, sometimes. But as she parsed how to go about this subject Lincoln raised his voice again.
"Margot this, Margot that!" Lincoln mocked in a falsetto voice, "How about you marry her and get off of my case about me and Jordan since you can't shut up about her!"
"You're so freakin' stupid, Lame-O" Lynn sadly shook her head, "Margot is a girl so she can't even be my husband!"
"Now, wait just a second you two," Carol interrupted the duo with an awkward chuckle, her cheeks flared and she took a short glance at Lori, "Girls can marry girls! It's not weird or anything!"
"Oh." Lynn Jr. pondered as she held her finger up to her chin, Lincoln was about to open his mouth with a I told you so but Lynn shoved her palm over his mouth, "Well, I don't think I'm gonna marry Margot. I don't wanna kiss her- or anybody for that matter. She isn't really my type, anyways."
"What is your type, Lynn?" Luan asked, her eyes glued to the index of her joke book, waiting to strike.
"Prolly someone who is super buff and is nice and funny and perfect in basically every way." Lynn answered straight away, "So basically, like, a clone of me."
"Huh." Luan tried to find an applicable joke in 1001 Dating Jokes but everything about dating yourself wasn't really appropriate for grade-schoolers, her cheeks reddened and she placed the book back on the shelf- they weren't really appropriate for Middle Schoolers like herself either.
Carol pursed her lips and smiled before patting Lynn's head, "Yes, Lynn. You are perfect just the way you are, but when it comes to love and stuff you have to keep an open heart and open mind." Carol had no idea what the hell she was talking about and kept giving Lori glances for help, which Lori pointedly ignored, "Uh… I mean, how are you supposed to know if someone is perfect without getting to know them first? Physical qualities are only… skin deep."
Lynn slowly took Carol's hand and looked at her like she was the stupidest person on the planet, "Poor Carol. Poor, poor Carol." Lynn shook her head and cooed, "Carol, you are the best babysitter on the planet and a very nice young lady. But, and don't take this the wrong way, I'm not gonna take advice from you about love. I've never even seen you talk to a boy besides Lincoln." It took Lori all the effort on the planet not to burst out laughing.
Carol's eyes glazed over and she walked over to the couch. With jerky movements she took a seat next to Luna and stared blankly at the television showing Minimum Wage! a workplace comedy anime on CaliforniaRoll that Lori is fond of.
"Lynn! Look what you did to Carol! She's gonna have a complex!" Snarled Lincoln through gritted teeth as he pointed a finger at Lynn.
Lynn slapped Lincoln's hand out of the way, "Dude, you are always like this with Carol! She isn't a baby or anything- and she's always trying to tell me to feel things and talk about emotions. So I do! I'm not going to pull my punches with her. I'll tell her how I feel cuz she asks for it! You're crush on her is so wei-"
"Okay, okay, stop." The 8-year old boy pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Carol is my babysitter. Me having a crush on her would be like… inappropriate business conduction or whatever! She's, like, basically my boss! Plus- you know about how I feel about blondes, they have too much fun-"
"But what about Girl Jordan?" Leni innocently asked as she peeked up from the laptop, "She's blonde and you kiss her on the cheek!"
"Who told you tha-" Lincoln squinted his eyes at his 6 year old sister as she whistled a funeral dirge while doing her math homework, "Okay. That's just acting, Leni. For the Game of House. I take it very seriously. AND ANOTHER THING: Jordan's hair isn't blonde it's Strawberry Blonde, you can see the red when we're outside in the sun. Like the little crackles of embers from a roaring campfire-" Lincoln stomped over to the couch to sit on the arm of the couch next to Carol and roared, "WAY DIFFERENT!"
"Pfft," Lynn rolled her eyes and laughed on her way into the kitchen, "Whatever you say, Stinkcoln…"
Lincoln cleared his throat and gave the comatose Carol soft pets on her blonde hair, "Listen, Carol. I'm not saying this because you're my babysitter and ur-go the person who decides if I am grounded when my parents or Lori isn't here. But I think you're the most perfect girl on the planet." Lincoln's half-lies weren't getting him anywhere, Carol still sat unblinking at the TV screen as she gave a death grip to the hem of her plaid skirt. Lincoln swallowed his pride and took a deep breath and grimaced, knowing full well he isn't going to like what he hears coming out of his mouth next, "Okay. I know tons of girls. And all of them are crazy. Every single one of them. Even Jordan, she's like the craziest girl I know! But, you, Carol. You're perfect, cuz you're normal." Lincoln gave her a small, almost fearful rub on her back. He had no idea what he was doing or saying.
Carol gave a silent whimper and Lori almost felt bad for her, almost. The word "normal" entered into Carol's right ear and out the left, leaving a wake of destruction in its wake. Normal. Boring. Mundane. With each millisecond the thoughts in her head descended more and more into self-loathing. Normal, Boring, Mundane, Carol Pringrey. So boring that boys never even approach her. So mundane that her favorite band is The Red Hot Chili Peppers. So normal that everyone looks at everything she does and all the hard work she puts into things shrugs their shoulders and says well yeah, she's Carol.
She felt bad. She felt bad for feeling bad, especially since Lincoln is such a sweet boy. He doesn't really know any better. But his innocence made his words cut even deeper. Even a child could see how lame she was.
Lincoln spoke up, his voice a bit sad, "Growing up I had a stutter. But it didn't shut me up. A lot of people hated me and thought I was annoying because I couldn't talk properly. But you helped me when I was little and taught me how to talk nicely and be polite. You were nice to me even though you weren't my sister." Lincoln let his arms fall to the side and looked up at the ceiling and kicked his feet, "And I've got weird white hair and everyone would pick on me, sometimes they would beat me up and bully me. When I was in kindergarten I woulda traded in anything to be normal. But, I'm not sad about it anymore. I used to be. But-" Lincoln smiled at Carol, "I've got Clyde, and my sisters, and sometimes Jordan when she decides to be nice for the day. But I also have you, Carol. You always tell us that we're perfect just the way we are, and I think you're perfect just that you are too. And it's not just skin-deep or whatever-the-heck- you could be, like, a zombie and I'd still think you would be the nicest and prettiest girl ever. Because you were nice to me, Stinkcoln."
Carol found herself taking in deep, snot-filled breaths through her nose as she teared up and shook. Lincoln was terrified and thought he really messed up before Carol wrapped her arms around Lincoln and cried out , "You're the most perfect baby boy ever!". Lincoln had no idea that he had just said the words that Carol was waiting to hear her whole life, he simply tried to pat her back as Carol threatened to break his with the hug. Lori rolled her eyes and gave Lincoln a thumbs-up for a job well done, she was glad that she wasn't the one who had to piece together Carol's fragile ego this time.
"It's all good, Carol." Lincoln wheezed, Carol released him from the death-grip and he took a deep breath, "Oof… You're basically family to us now. You'll always have a place with us Loud's so who cares what those dumb boys think!"
"Yeah!" Leni nodded, "I hope one day I can be almost as pretty as you! And when I do I hope I can be your friend…"
"Uh-huh," Luna stammered out, "Carol is very pretty and nice and smells good and stuff… Uh. Yeah. I h-hope I can smell as goo- Er, I mean-" Luna wasn't used to being close to Carol, their shoulders were almost touching, "Yeah, dude, you rock! I think of you as like my si- er that's kinda… Um..."
Luan thankfully cut her off, "Hold on…" She was leafing through a small paperback book titled 200 Blonde Jokes, "A- all of these are really mean!" Luan closed the book and gave Carol an affectionate smile, "Blondes get too much of a bad rap. I think you're just swell, Carol! You're like if we had a nice eldest sister!"
Lucy scampered up to Carol and gave her a quick hug and sat back down at the table.
"Yeah… yeah…" Lori sighed and rolled her eyes, "We all loooove Carol soooo much, how about we get gay married or something and then we can be rea-"
"Um…" Carol flushed red, "I… I need to think about tha-"
"Oh. My. God!" Lori laughed out loud, "I was literally joking, Carol. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'm not really Carol Boyfriend Material." Carol nodded her head and took a deep breath and deflated on the couch, shaking off the final sweats of her first panic attack of the night.
"Hey." Lynn handed Carol a glass of lemonade after she came back from the kitchen, "Sorry for being mean. I think that you're, like, really nice. I just get like that about mushy stuff. I think that boys are stupid too for not approaching you," Lynn gave Carol a hug and shook her head, "Perfect girls like us probably just intimidate them… Boys are stupid animals."
Carol laughed and gave Lynn a deep hug too, "I'm sure your perfect person is out there, somewhere. Just getting absolutely ripped."
Lynn squinted her eyes, "You're right!" She quickly ran out the living room, "I gotta make sure I'm beefier!"
"So, how are you enjoying the slumber party so far?" Lori deadpanned to her phone as she took the half-empty glass from Carol and downed the rest, she shook the glass in Lincoln's face and he grumbled and took it into the kitchen, "Having fun?"
Carol cleared her throat and sighed, "I literally love it here." She sat up and kicked her feet, "Thanks for being my friend, Lori…"
"You better." Lori scoffed before letting her voice soften, "And thanks for being mine. You're literally my BFF forever."
"Get tough, don't be so patient
Get smart, head up, shoulders straight
Since when is it a disaster
If the "S" on your cape is a little frayed?"
Wasn't Tomorrow Wonderful? by The Waitresses
I uploaded the wrong chapter, but it'd be really funny if I didn't catch that and just left it up. Thanks for looking out, looney. I really oughtta be more careful.