October 9th as Dr. Remy Hadley arrives with Jenna's meds
"you know, Henderson is an amazing person, he was so happy that Jenna had finally found someone who loves her" says Remy
"a great man with many a flaw" says Jenna taking her meds
"I don't understand" says Remy
"he handed off authority to declare war to a decision for all branches of the government to do so, France has said a few times he has been out of line, if they attack he does not have the support within the government structure to fight back which means he won't do anything if it happens" says Jenna
"where is Adriana" asks Remy
"talking with Ellen, Ellen was hoping the Midas condition would get less aggressive with age, Adriana had to deal with it all alone, Adriana's' condition got worse with age, dramatically worse, she's explaining to her the possibility that it won't get better at all" says Rebecca
"there were two cases where it got better, why remove all hope, Ellen is still young, she needs hope in her life" asks Remy
"Adriana believes it's better to be prepared for the worst than to hope it will get better in case it gets worse and absolutely crush all hopes in the process, don't get me wrong she will still tell her about the two cases where it got better but Adriana never had someone to tell her how the future might be with her condition, she hated herself so much because people were telling her she's choosing to touch people inappropriately, she's stepped up and being the mentor she never had" says Jenna cuddling Sarah again
"is that all you're gonna do with Sarah Jenna, because I don't think that qualifies as dating" says Rebecca
"she's been having nightmares, I'd insisted on sleeping in my own bed which was clearly the wrong choice, my symptoms got worse and she started getting nightmares, besides she only just turned sixteen, I'm not forcing her to do anything she's not ready for, dad encouraged you and Adri to explore one another the moment you started dating her in hopes of calming the Midas condition, you're six years older than me, please don't push me to do things neither Sarah or I are ready for" says Jenna as Sarah falls asleep
"aww she just fell asleep, you know that's the ultimate sign of trust, when they feel safe enough to fall asleep with you" says Remy
"yet she's still scared enough to wear three pairs of underwear and two bras, I actually don't mind it's a layer of protection, I have accidentally found myself touching her, like I'll be talking about blankets and suddenly my hand is cupping her between her legs, it's almost as if my schizophrenia is trying to tell me something because she shivers every time it happens and she does a little giggle too, I don't understand what's happening though" says Jenna
"your brain is seeing signals she's sending and responding on its own, the problem is that it's possible that she isn't intentionally sending those signals, as a slave Sarah would have normally been conditioned to act a certain way back when she was eight like her mom was, the problem is that her master was an undercover cop and didn't do that, which is a good thing however the ring leaders still made him rape her on a regular basis, he only complied to keep his cover, when she wakes up you need to ask if she's actually responding to your unintentional touching down there or if it's a reflex she adopted to not seem afraid, she will know the difference" says Remy as she heads over to Cat's house
"how long does she usually sleep for" asks Rebecca
"hours and hours, at least when she's cuddling with me" says Jenna as her hand does its thing
"did that really just happen, did your hand really just do that on its own" asks Rebecca as Sarah shivers in direct response
"trust me if I could stop I would, my meds have the side effect of having me do random things, awake or asleep, for one month or more I can't remember my brain had the bright idea of having me brush my teeth in my sleep, the number of times I woke up choking on toothpaste is insane, she has a similar effect on me that my meds do, that's why the hand thing happened while off my meds" says Jenna
"she shivered in her sleep Jenna, she wants you to go farther, one reason she could be doubling and tripling up on underwear is she's afraid you don't want to, most if not all the slaves were taught to accommodate their masters, or in this case their lover, I think Remy has it backwards, or half backwards, I spoke to her shortly after the celebration at the big dinner and believe me she would talk while searching the crowd, when you came down in that dress that to be honest was a tad revealing she stopped searching and talked to me looking me in the eyes, I asked her why she stopped searching, her response was she shouldn't be looking at her crush, that it wasn't right for her to stare or oogle her body, if she said that back then, she would only work harder once she got in your arms to 'keep her distance', do you see the problem" says Rebecca
"you really think she is doing that" asks Jenna
"almost certainly, remember at the dinner when you tried to talk to her to explain the hugging thing, she would walk away and talk to someone else the moment you got close to her, every single time, even if she was in the middle of talking, the only difference here is that you guys kissed and are together, I'm almost certain she still believes she has to keep her distance on certain things, she literally just passed the age of consent Jenna, I'm sure she spent those three years remembering how your hands felt on her back, the committee had bought them all dresses, Sarah's was a bare back one remember" says Rebecca as Jenna wakes up Sarah
"aww I was having a good dream, why did you wake me up…. Your hand is down there again" asks Sarah
"do you want me to play with you down there, is that why you're shivering when my hand touches it" asks Jenna
"I mean yes but I feel like you don't want to, when your hand does that thing you apologize left and right, you don't even let me say anything before you pull your hand away, sure I was allowed to dance but I was always afraid somebody would rip my clothes off and rape me right there in the street, it feels different with you, your touch isn't aggressive, it makes me feel safe, you don't know what it's like to be an object to someone, my master may have been an undercover cop but he was also my father, the masters don't require video of rapes the slaves endure, he could have lied and saved me the trauma, he's as guilty as the rest of them Jenna, I shiver because I have a big imagination, ever since I met you I was in love with you, at the dinner you played the violin and guitar, for three years I wanted to be those instruments, to have you play with me with those nimble hands, I don't know what love feels like, if you aren't willing to show me then I guess this won't work out, I'm going back to bed, do NOT follow me, I'm no longer in the mood for hugs" says Sarah as she storms off to her room
"that didn't sound good" says Belle walking over
"I think she just broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with her" says Jenna
"relationships are more than sex" says Rebecca
"that may be true but not to her, I was seven when I was taken, I was brainwashed into believing my body was an object to please, that I wasn't a human, the masters broke Sarah's will to fight back near the end, for the few months before being free as a result of being whipped day in and day out by the masters behind our owner's back she'd begun to enjoy being raped Jenna, sex is literally all she's ever known, growing up the masters made Henry our owner make Sarah sit in the same room while Henry raped me, you understand that, they made her WATCH as I was raped, you hugging her sparked many a fantasy about you in bed with her, again because she doesn't know any different, she wasn't allowed to wear clothes in the house, as a result that's what she thinks EVERYONE does, the odd time she didn't go out dancing after being freed she'd draw you, naked, or her best guess of what you look like naked, and believe me the only thing that I see could possibly be wrong is the hands, she always draws them like pillows because you have a soft touch" says Belle
"but she told me not to follow her" says Jenna
"because she believes that's what you want Jenna, as a result of her trauma she makes assumptions, sex is all she's ever known as I said, she's only known what people who treat her as an object consider sex, as a mother it goes against every fiber of my being to ask this but go make love to her, show her what your love for her means to you, show her that her fantasies can be real, that's what your bumping up against, she's assuming you don't want to make love to her, that maybe you don't truly love her and that she gets all worked up for nothing, that she has these fantasies and that you're going to think she's stupid, it's a self defeating mentality and you need to break through it" says Belle
"but she's only just turned sixteen" says Jenna
"she's legally allowed to consent here Jenna, besides the whole age thing, it's rubbish to her, she trusts it as much as she trusts the food delivery guy to not rape her, which is to say she doesn't, she fully expects that every guy in existence wants to rape her, if you don't show her what being in love feels like you will lose her to someone who tells her they will, whether they mean it or not" says Belle as Jenna runs up the stairs to Sarah's room
"do you really believe that Jenna could lose her" asks Rebecca
"nothing is ever certain when it comes to my daughter Rebecca, all she's ever wanted is to feel loved and she fell for Jenna hard, I wasn't kidding about the drawings, if Jenna doesn't show her what being loved even with massive trauma feels like then she will ultimately decide that Jenna doesn't love her back and feel she has to move on, for Sarah food equals safety, passionate sex equals love, it's hard for Sarah to deal with, especially since she firmly believes Jenna is way out of her league relationship wise, she has tried to 'date' other girls but she sucks at being normal and creeps them all out, she'd ask very personal questions like do you shave or wax, it seemed normal to her but the girls found it very creepy, especially for a first date question, granted it is but she always came home depressed, always saying 'people think I'm a creep', she wouldn't eat anything, even though she never even got to restaurant and before she'd go on the date she'd say she was starving, only to come back less than half an hour later suddenly not hungry at all, I'd venture to say that if Sarah leaves that room with a full head of hair she won't deem the night successful" says Belle
"isn't that abuse" asks Rebecca
"no, it's not hard to rip out Sarah's hair, it's actually not her real hair, she was born with a rare condition where she can't grow hair, Henry our former owner likened it to a hairless cat, don't get me wrong I'm glad he was involved in shutting the ring down but he is definitely no saint, raping her once to prove 'loyalty' is one thing but to have continued is definitely another and Sarah suffered for it, she may never recover from that" says Belle