The strange thing was, Jowan's advice seemed to be working. With the exception of a few knowing nods from Uldred's associates in the corridors, everything had returned to normal. Since Uldred had left, life for Niall had been a lot more peaceful. He had even gotten the hang of being a teacher. Sort of.
"Enchanter Niall! It's bubbling over!"
"Shit – er I mean, not shit," he ran to the elven boy at the back of the class who's cauldron looked set to explode, "Shit." he repeated as he tried to neutralise the spitting mixture with drops of distillation agent.
The boy looked panicked,
"Don't worry – you just added too much of your concentrator."
Accidental swearing aside, he didn't think he was doing too bad of a job with Wynne's class. The best part was that he'd had a last minute pupil enrol. Since 'Intermediate Spirit Magic' was, well, intermediate – it wasn't compulsory for the apprentices. But Keili had cornered him a few days ago in the library and asked if she could join. Apparently, spirit magic had always scared her the most so she'd made the decision to stop avoiding it and instead learn as much as she could.
Niall watched her – she had taken the desk right front and centre of the room. She had the kind of meticulous nature that was perfect for herbalism. He could tell that being one of the only students who's Swift Salve was going to plan had given her a confidence boost. He had no such affinity for potions so he was still meeting with Anders whenever there was a recipe he needed to try out before the class.
Niall had even taken to tweaking Wynne's curriculum. Hers was skewed very heavily towards healing magic which Niall was, in all honesty, useless with. Something that had been brought into firm focus when he hadn't so much as been able to heal his own bruises. So, he decided he would be more use to the apprentices if he taught them things he was actually good at.
The rest of the class passed without any more explosions.
"Okay everyone, well done today. Next week we'll be switching things up a bit and looking at mana theory. I want you all to read 'Mana and the Use of Magic' from the Lectures of First Enchanter Wenselus."
He dismissed them and they filed out one by one.
-o0o-
Niall was seated in his favourite, secluded booth, halfway through eating his dinner, when Jowan wondered over to his table.
"I've just come from a tutor session with Torrin."
"Oh good." Niall set down his fork and gestured for Jowan to join him. Torrin had been reluctant to take on Uldred's former protégé, which had been odd since he usually enjoyed collecting new students. But Niall had managed to convince him – pointing out that Jowan was a fellow chorister seemed to swing it.
As it had turned out, once Jowan knew Niall was neither sabotaging nor stalking him, they got along quite well.
"How did that go?"
"Pretty well, I think." he said, biting into a bread roll. "Does he always sit chewing on liquorice during lessons?"
Niall laughed,
"Only when he's frustrated."
"Oh. Well in that case I think I'm lucky he didn't hit me."
"He'll get used to you."
"He had this little silver box on his table, it was full of the stuff when we started. Think he'd run out by the end."
They sat talking as they ate. Niall asked how his studies were going. Jowan seemed positive. Neither of them made any explicit reference to Uldred.
He also asked Jowan how Lily was which gave him a chance to wax lyrical about her. It was sweet how much he cared about her. Niall wasn't going to discourage them – they'd get their hearts broken sooner or later, but for now they were happy.
" – and she gets so passionate about everything. The other day, at choir practice, there was some kind of drama over the new tenor. I don't really pay attention – I only joined to spend time with Lily. Anyway, she was telling me about this new lead tenor -,"
"Wait is this the thing about the elf they think can't hit the high notes or something?"
"How'd you know about that?"
Niall laughed,
"I got the whole spiel from Torrin the other day."
A pause, and Jowan's face fell slightly.
"Sorry – I've just realised I've been going on for ages."
"Oh, don't worry. Is there no one else you can talk to about Lily?"
"Not really – my bunk-mate knows I've been seeing someone – I know we need to be discrete."
Niall nodded sympathetically.
"Oh, and Anders knows – not sure he approves though."
"Really? He doesn't seem like the judgemental type."
"He thinks I'm an idiot – for caring about Lily, so much that I'm willing to risk – well, everything and anything."
He spoke with the conviction and romantic intensity that Niall believed only the young could – he wasn't sure whether to pity him or envy him.
"I don't think you're an idiot."
Jowan looked at him knowingly,
"I guess you understand – you've got Torrin."
Niall was taken aback by that - he shook his head.
"That's different. We're not – it's not like that. It's just convenient."
Although it hadn't even been that much lately.
"Oh, right,"
Jowan looked embarrassed and focused his attention on his food. After a few moments of awkwardness, they switched to a new topic, and carried on chatting.
-o0o-
The next day was taken up almost entirely by a seminar on advanced glyph theory entitled 'Glyphs: A middle ground between spellwork and enchantment?'. Only the mages who were enchanters or higher were permitted to attend and Niall was very much looking forward to it.
A mage from the Ostwick Circle would be the speaker. Niall had spent most of the previous afternoon familiarising himself with her work – her most recent paper had made a fascinating read. Fascinating enough that he arrived in the room uncharacteristically early to ensure he got a seat.
He needn't have worried. Firstly, because the room was nowhere near at capacity – apparently he had overestimated the popularity of optional guest lectures of niche areas of theoretical magic. And secondly, because Torrin was already seated in the front row.
"Morning," he grinned, settling into seat next to him.
"Up early, robes ironed, and cheerful about it – I barley recognise you."
Niall swatted him on the arm,
"Well if you're going to be like that, I won't give you these."
Niall reached into his bag and pulled out a tray of liquorice. Torrin's eyes lit up when he saw them and Niall ignored the wave of affection he felt at the sight.
"Personally," Niall teased, "I think they taste disgusting – but, I suppose I could just give them to my class if you're not going to be nice to me."
Torrin sighed then placed his hand over his heart,
"I solemnly promise to refrain from making any more comments pertaining to your scruffiness ... for the rest of the week."
"If you can manage that, I'll get you some of the strawberry flavoured stuff too." he handed him the tray – Torrin removed two pieces before putting the rest in his bag.
"You're on," he said, "You're timing is uncanny too – I ran out of these only yesterday."
Before Niall could respond, Irving was standing at the front, clearing his throat. The room fell silent. Torrin popped the candy in his mouth and Irving began introducing the speaker, thanking her for making the long journey to Ferelden. As Irving spoke, Niall noticed four templars all hovering uncomfortably close to the speaker – two that he recognised from the tower and two whose armour bore a small crest that he assumed represented the Ostwick Circle.
He felt a stab of anger splinter through his good mood. Why was the presence of any templars necessary – let alone four? It was a theory lecture not a practical demonstration of demon summoning. As she took to the podium to speak, he swallowed his irritation – trying hard to focus on her words and not the one Ostwick templar who's hand never moved from the hilt of his sword.
When it was over, questions had been asked and answered, and people had begun to make their way out – Niall was accosted by Irving. He hadn't spoke to him since that day in his office. As the First Enchanter made his way over, Niall tried to keep calm, there was no reason to think he was in any trouble – if he was, Irving surely wouldn't choose this moment to confront him – it was too public.
His mind had gone into overdrive so quickly that his sigh of relief was almost audible when he realised it was Torrin that Irving was addressing.
"I hear you've taken on one of Uldred's apprentices." he said in that very particular way he did that left you unsure if it was a question or a statement.
"Jowan."
"Yes – Jowan. How has that been going?"
"Not badly at all. He is competent enough when he manages to concentrate."
Torrin answered casually but Niall could tell Irving was scrutinising his words closely, there was nothing casual about his line of questioning.
"He hasn't made any trouble?"
"No."
Niall suppressed a smirk at that. He knew Torrin wasn't being deliberately obtuse with his brief answers, that was just how he was – but it was clearly irritating the First Enchanter.
"Very well then, good afternoon, gentlemen."
As he walked away, Irving gave Niall a pointed look – the meaning of which he could not decipher.
-o0o-
Niall's string of peaceful days continued on and he settled into a routine. Which, somewhat miraculously, involved him getting up at a relatively early in the mornings.
He was halfway to the breakfast hall when Petra grabbed him.
"Thank the Maker - you're up!"
"What's wrong?"
"My teaching assistant is sick."
Niall's eyes went wide as he instantly understood.
"No…"
"Please."
"Petra – no."
Ten minutes later, Niall was standing in front of thirty children, ranging from age twelve all the way down to five. They were clumped together in clusters, giggling and chattering and staring at him. The little boy – Clemence – who'd knocked him over the other day, had a glint in his eye that told Niall he was thinking of charging at him again. Subtly, he stepped behind a desk, putting a barrier in the boy's path.
"Good morning class."
Petra's sing-song voice when she spoke to the children made him smile. The kids scrambled to sit on the carpet in front of her.
"Who can tell me what we did yesterday?"
A few hands shot into the air. Petra pointed to a little elven girl sitting towards the back.
"Wisps!"
The girl beamed with pride when Petra said,
"That's right."
That left Niall slightly relieved – spell wisps he could handle. If the answer had been fireballs it would have been all he could do not the sprint out the door.
The lesson went smoothly to start with. Most of the kids could manage the initial summoning even if most couldn't maintain it for ever long. Then, things took a turn for the chaotic when one of the girls tried to cast winters grasp to freeze her wisp, missed, but hit herself in the eye with a shard of ice.
Petra rushed her out to find a healer, in a thinly veiled state of panic – leaving Niall alone with the class.
For a while, shushing them worked just fine. He had then sit cross-legged on the floor and wait patiently. But as time went on and Petra hadn't returned, the kids got restless.
He let them talk amongst themselves.
One girl started to complain her leg had gone numb.
So, he let them walk around.
Which somehow turned into running around.
And screaming.
Until he snapped.
"Alright, alright, QUIET!" he realised he'd shouted a little too loudly when the top lips of some of the younger ones started trembling. Crying was the last thing he needed.
Then, he had an idea. It probably wasn't the best idea but he was desperate and it was the only one he had so he ran with it. A game he used to play when he was a young apprentice.
"Everybody Line Up! You two -," he pointed to two of the older boys, "help me move these tables."
They shoved the desks to the sides of the room, leaving a long stretch of unobstructed wooden floor running from one end of the room to another. The kids were lined up against the far wall – all trying to work out what he was doing.
"Shoes off!"
They did as he told them too, looking even more curious now.
Niall cast a grease spell across the open floor.
"The aim of the game," he tried to keep a straight face as he explained, "Is to take it in turns to see who can slide the furthest without falling over."
The kids' eyes lit up – wondering if he was serious.
"Who wants to go first?"
Almost every hand shot up into the air. Niall grinned.
"You," he pointed to Clemence, "Think you can do this without knocking us both over?"
The little boy bounded over to start of the runway Niall had created, and wasted no time taking a run up then stuck his arms out to the side for balance as he started to skid across the greasy patch. He managed to say upright for a second before he tripped and went the rest of the way on his knees.
When he fell, all the reasons this was a terrible idea played on a reel in Niall's mind. But then he came to a stop and jumped up, unharmed and giggling and all those reasons were instantly forgotten.
"Not bad for a first go, kid. Back of the line! Next!"
A little girl with a comically determined expression stepped forward. And so it continued.
The inventively titled 'grease spell slide game' was a relic from Niall's own childhood in the tower. He couldn't remember which of the boys in his dorm had invented the initial game – maybe one of the older kids had passed it down. They used to push all the bathtubs up to the wall, cover the floor in soap and take turns trying to slide from one end of the communal washrooms to the other. Then one night, Enchanter Sweeney had caught them – only instead of chastising them, he'd suggested using the grease spell - and the rest was history.
Niall smiled absent-mindedly at the rare happy memory as he watched the kids playing. Those kinds of memories were few and far between. It was strange to think that now these kids were seeing him in the same way he saw Sweeney way back then. It made him feel quite old, though not necessarily in a bad way, as he watched the kids laughing and playing like kids were meant to.
"What in the world is going on?"
The giggling came to a halt as one by one they noticed Petra had appeared in the doorway, looking a mixture of confused and horrified.
"Ah – Petra! We were just working on a new Creation spell while we waited for you, weren't we? Grease."
The kids all nodded in sync.
"Right, well, I think that's enough for today – the lesson's almost over anyway. Do you all know what class you have next?"
They nodded again.
Petra made them help clean up and put the tables back in their normal place then sent them on their way.
On his way out of the door, Clemence flung his arms around Niall.
"Best. Lesson. Ever."
He let go, looking slightly embarrassed, then sprinted down the corridor to catch up with the rest of his class.
Once the kids were all out of sight, Petra dropped her teacher persona and burst out laughing.
"Look at the state of you!"
He looked down to find his robe covered by a giant patch of grease from where Clemence had hugged him.
"You know you're ridiculous, don't you? I leave you alone for a few minutes..."
"It was longer than that! And it's not my fault, Petra – I was outnumbered! I had to do something to entertain them or they'd have rioted."
She rolled her eyes affectionately.
"What will Sweeney say when they all turn up to his class covered in grease?"
"What? They have Sweeney next?" he laughed.
"Yeah – why?"
"Oh, nothing."
-o0o-
He honestly had planned to go straight back to his room and change his grease covered robe – but as Niall passed the dining hall and smelt the food cooking, he became acutely aware that he hadn't eaten anything yet that day. He peered inside and saw his usual seat was free – no one would see him in the corner.
What he had failed to noticed was Torrin and Jowan sitting a few tables over, empty plates and open books spread out in front of them. Jowan caught his eye and beckoned him over to join them.
As he approached, they both noticed the state of his robes. Jowan laughed but Torrin was suspiciously quiet. It took Niall a moment to work out why – until he remembered the seminar the day before – when Torrin had casually promised not to make fun of his appearance for the rest of the week. This had to be agony for him.
"What happened to you?" asked Jowan as Niall sat down at their table.
He gave them a quick run down of the events leading up to his becoming a grease stained mess, all the while enjoying watching Torrin trying to keep quiet.
"But I don't look too bad though, right? I won't have time to change before I teach my next class so… " he goaded and Torrin finally cracked.
"You can't be serious – what kind of example does that set for the children -,"
Niall grinned triumphantly.
"I'm not teaching like this, you daft sod - I just knew you couldn't resist telling me off."
"Ah – yes, good. Because you look completely dishevelled." he reached over and gently brushed a stray strand of hair out of Niall's face.
Then, realising how intimate the gesture might have looked, Torrin snatched his hand away.
"Don't worry - it's only Jowan."
Jowan rolled his eyes.
"As much as listening to you two flirt is entertaining – this was supposed to be a meeting about my next assignment."
Torrin opened his mouth to insist they weren't doing anything of the sort but Niall spoke first.
"Sorry, sorry – I'll be quiet – carry on."
They weren't flirting though – were they? Niall wasn't sure. Over the last few weeks they'd spent a lot of time together, as usual, but now that he thought about it – that quick brush against the forehead was as intimate as they'd been since Torrin had unexpectedly kissed him goodbye the day of Uldred's last party.
He was lost in his own thoughts as Torrin and Jowan fell back into discussing work. After a while, he stopped pondering there ill-defined relationship and instead found himself transfixed watching Torrin teach. With Niall he was always so fast paced and abrupt, they rattled through their material with equal confidence and enthusiasm. With Jowan he was going slower, explaining things, sometimes in great detail, until he was sure the apprentice understood. Adaptability – that was what made him good teacher, Niall thought. He started making a mental list of ways to become a better teacher.
He had been considering asking Irving if he could devise a class of his own once Wynne returned – but he wasn't quite ready to give the First Enchanter the satisfaction of knowing he was enjoying his promotion to enchanter.
-o0o-
Niall's 'better teacher' resolutions got off to a rocky start. It was the day before his class – that was how late Niall had left it before even attempting to check whether he was capable of brewing the 'Spirit Resistance Tonic' he was supposed to be teaching. He'd been very tempted to skip over it altogether until he noticed a large part of the final exam (which of course Wynne had already written) focused on it.
Despite the fact he'd eaten lunch with Anders and Jowan almost every day that week- he had forgotten to even mention to Anders that he'd need some help again until that afternoon. Thankfully, Anders was free and two hours later they were once again perched on a stack of hessian sacks in the storage caverns, watching a cauldron boil.
The tonic had been much easier than he'd expected, which turned out to be a good thing as Anders had been oddly distracted all afternoon. Niall kept his eyes fixed on the bubbling mixture and his mind wandered to his research with Uldred. He wondered why Uldred hadn't suggested using the tonic alongside everything else. Maybe drinking it in tandem with magebane would have cancelled out its effects? Then he thought about the Litany of Adralla and whether a mana surge or a tonic would work best with -
No – he cut off that train of thought. He had made a conscious choice to leave the Litany safely tucked away in the stockrooms. He wasn't going to sit thinking about it now.
"Leorah wasn't thrilled about letting me use this place again – I think next time I might just have to risk blowing up my room."
Anders muttered something noncommittal.
"Are you alright? You've been preoccupied all day."
"Huh? Oh, I'm peachy."
It was hardly convincing.
"You sure?"
Anders not-so-subtly changed the subject.
"Hey you know, while we're here – we could always go for a second round." he waggled his eyebrows, intended as a playful invitation only seemed was hollow, it had none of Anders' usual warmth behind it.
"I'm not sure I'm in the mood today."
"Well your loss." Anders said, "Or maybe was Jowan right?"
"Jowan? What's he got to do with anything."
"He's under the impression you and your Senior Enchanter are living out the same pathetic romantic fantasy that him and that initiate are."
"Well we aren't." it came out a little sharper than he'd intended.
In truth, it had been weeks since he'd paid Torrin any kind of personal visit – it was the one thing that hadn't gotten back to normal in the weeks since Uldred had left. Niall snickered to himself, he knew a lot of goings on in the tower could be blamed on Uldred but blaming his own recent lack of sex life on him seemed a bit of a stretch. Still, he wasn't sure what the problem was – usually Torrin named time and date and Niall would happily show up. Lately – nothing.
"I told him as much." Anders sounded wistful, "He's going to get himself killed over that girl."
"He's just young – they're in love." Niall dismissed his concern.
"The Tower doesn't let us fall in love. You know that – you snapped at me just for suggesting you'd been stupid enough to let yourself fall for Torrin."
He didn't know what to say – it sounded so grim when Anders spelt it out like that, but hadn't Niall been living like it were true for years?
"Anyway, if he's determined to die for her there's nothing I can do. I'm only still alive because Irving finds me amusing."
Niall was getting worried.
"What are you talking about? Is Jowan in danger?"
"The tonic's almost done. Are you alright if I leave you to it now? Just let it cool for a few minutes after the colour changes then you can bottle it."
Anders stood abruptly, Niall grabbed his arm, stopping him leaving.
"Anders what's going on?"
Niall's eyebrows jumped up into his hairline when, in response, Anders kissed him. It was brief but intense and left him completely confused.
"Bye, Niall," Anders said solemnly, and disappeared before Niall had had chance to recover from the shock.
Niall was worried. There had been a weight to that 'goodbye' that made it sound very final.
-o0o-
The whole interaction with Anders played on his mind for the rest of that day. Once he'd bottled the tonic, he'd gone looking for him but without any success.
In the end, Niall decided to find Jowan first thing in the morning and ask him what was going on. They were his friends but Niall also knew Jowan and Anders were up to something he wasn't privy to. He'd been happy to be kept out of it, but if it was something dangerous, that changed things.
That would wait until morning though – tonight he had something else planned. The second part of what Anders' had said that had bothered him was about Torrin – and that, at least, he had the ability to do something about.
He knocked on Torrin's door – hoping the man wouldn't be too disgruntled by an unscheduled, nocturnal visit. When the door opened, he looked surprised to find Niall standing there.
"Fancy some company?" he smiled, holing up a bottle of wine, which granted he'd had a few glasses of tonight already.
Torrin stepped aside wordlessly and let him inside.
He headed straight to where he knew Torrin kept a pair of wine glasses. He smiled to himself when he noticed the lid was open on the silver box on his coffee table, and almost all the candies Niall had given him had already gone. That included the strawberry ones he'd given him anyway, despite Torrin losing their wager.
"There you go." he handed a full glass to Torrin then lent in and kissed him.
Niall's smile fell when he pulled away he saw the look on the other man's face.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing – I just – aren't we were done with this?"
"I – what?"
"You lost interest," he said, then abruptly added, "Which is fine."
There held each other's gaze.
"It's fine," Torrin continued, "It's probably for the best. I knew from the start I was making a mistake getting involved with you." There was no venom in his words, he stated them as neutrally as he would if he were reading aloud from a textbook.
"What do you mean? I never lost interest. If anything – you did."
"Don't be ridiculous – you know I care for you – I hardly would have risked sleeping with my student if I didn't."
"Oh come on, I'm hardly an apprentice."
"That is irrelevant – you're under my supervision."
"I've been under more of you than that!" he snapped, not even sure what he'd said made sense and regretting having already drunk so much wine. This was not going as he'd expected.
Torrin just looked sad as he sat down on the edge of the bed. They fell silent, neither sure what to say or what the other wanted from them. Once again, it was Torrin who spoke first.
"You've always been clear with me, we could work together, we could be friends even – but the physical side of things was merely a convenience."
Niall felt the overwhelming need to argue the point – but stopped himself when he remembered he had said almost the exact same thing to Jowan only the other week. He had thought he meant it then – but hearing the words from Torrin felt different, cruel, and he realised they had never been true.
"If you've thought that from the beginning though – what changed? Why do we have to stop?"
"What does it matter?" it was the first time he heard a flash of anger in Torrin's voice. "Besides," he quickly fixed his veneer of calm, "You have other options to fall back on."
When Niall just looked blank, he clarified,
"Anders for one."
"Anders?! How do you even know about that?"
He felt a pang of guilt but he wasn't willing to apologise. He hadn't broken any rules, they had never even broached the subject of not sleeping with other people.
"Look – I'm not angry about Anders. If anything, I was relieved you'd moved on. It made it easier to end things."
"Ten minutes ago, I thought we just hadn't found time to be alone recently – now you're telling me you washed your hands of me weeks ago. Why?"
"It's not relevant-,"
"Bullshit. Tell me why."
"Because I saw the note on your desk!"
Niall had never heard Torrin raise his voice before.
"What note? When?"
"The night before people left for Ostagar, I came to your room, remember?"
Niall felt his stomach tie in a knot. He nodded,
"I remember."
"You'd left Uldred's invitation open on your desk. I told you not to trust him. I practically begged you not to trust him. Then I got up to leave and saw that sitting there. Turned out it was me you didn't trust. If you did, you would have told me what you'd gotten yourself into."
Niall just stared at him.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. You don't owe me any explanations – you never have. But I can't keep – uh - caring about you in the way I do, while you're determined to get wrapped up in whatever Uldred's plotting. Whatever it is, it won't end well and I can't watch you do it."
"Maker, I'm – I'm so sorry. But it's over now. I want nothing to do with any of it anymore. The last few weeks since Uldred's been gone, I've felt like I can breathe again."
"You mean that?"
"Yes! And even if I didn't – I'd drop secrets and politics and smuggled dwarven wine in a second for you, you idiot – you're pretty much the only thing that makes living in this tower bearable."
The words took even Niall himself by surprise, as they tumbled out of his mouth faster than his brain could keep up with.
Torrin was staring at him in disbelief.
"You – I don't know what to say."
Niall kissed him again, and this time Torrin returned it enthusiastically. There was a desperation in how they moved – Torrin lay down on the bed with Niall straddling his hips. In the past, Niall had always taken the lead but tonight Torrin showed none of his usual shy, hesitation as he pulled Niall's robe off over his head.
Afterwards, they lay there peacefully in bed for almost an hour. They both knew they still had a lot to talk through. Niall wanted to tell him about Uldred, the Litany, all of it. He was also curious to know how Torrin had been able to recognise an invite from Uldred – he clearly knew more than he'd let on too. But that was for another night.
Finally, Niall moved to leave.
"You could stay, you know." Torrin offered tentatively as Niall pulled his robe back on.
"I thought you said that was too risky?"
Torrin sighed.
"I'll spare you the sight of my dishevelled morning hair."
"I wouldn't mind that so much."
"I'll remind you you said that the next time you complain at me for forgetting to brush it."
He kissed Torrin goodnight and headed back to his room.
-o0o-
It was pitch dark when the door to Niall's room swung open. The sound of metal boots scraping across his floor jolted him awake. Before he was fully conscious, he felt a grip around his ankle and he was torn from his bed. As he landed on the floor, something he couldn't see hit his head and everything went black.
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A/N We're heading into the endgame now, folks! Canon events are fast approaching - only two chapters left!
/ Warning - the next chapter is a lot darker/more violent, so the rating is gonna be increased/ just a heads-up on that.
Anyways, there ended up being a lot more relationship stuff in this than I'd planned - I hope that worked okay ? Ah well, at least Niall got laid before... well... you know...
Also, did anyone notice where I got Clemence from?
Also, also, liquorice is terrible.