Niall looked at Anders in disbelief.

"What? He can't have -"

In response, Anders nudged the note closer to Niall, who picked it up and unfolded it slowly feeling like a child again passing notes in class, except now it was the templars who's attention he didn't want to attract.

Scrawled across the tattered parchment were the words,

A,

I'm sorry - couldn't risk waiting once my suspicions were confirmed.

Please, help L. Whatever is necessary. Tell them she was enthralled. Whatever will keep her safe. and please - tell her I love her.

Be careful.

Am heading to RC as planned.

-J

Niall read the note. Then again, trying to process all of its implications - above all, the fact the Jowan had somehow survived the waters surrounding the Tower. A wave of relief came over Niall, followed by a giddy sense of victory by proxy.

"How did you even get this?"

Anders paused for a moment, wondering how much he should reveal before deciding that there was little point in holding back, not when Niall already knew so much.

"I have a contact, a few actually - the villagers that deliver the Tower's supplies. One of them said a fisherman pulled a mage out of the lake, who begged him to pass a note on. And then when that didn't work, held him with a crushing prison spell until he agreed."

"I thought any boats that got near the lake were covered in anti-magic wards -," Niall started but trailed off when he realised, "But those wards don't work against certain kinds of magic."

Anders muttered, "No, they don't," neither of them willing to say the words blood magic out loud in the dining hall, as though if they did it would jinx them somehow. Even after what Irving had said, and what Anders had told him - Niall still had a hard time picturing Jowan as dangerous. Then again, if you believed the Chantry, they were all dangerous - every friend, lover, teacher he'd ever had was just one lapse in judgement from becoming a monster.

"Did you know?" Niall finally settled on asking the man sitting across from him.

"I suspected, I never pried."

Anders looked ashamed to admit it but Niall nodded, he understood better than most the impulse to pretend you hadn't seen something dangerous, didn't know something you'd rather not know. That was why, right at that moment, Uldred's parting gift - The Litany of Adralla - was sitting in the stockrooms, Niall having made no attempt to retrieve it after the templar-recruit had taken it.

There were so many questions he wanted to ask, it was hard to know which to start with but for some reason the pressing seemed to be,

"Why did he say sorry?"

At that Anders' face fell, his eyes dropped to the table and when he spoke it was barely audible, "Because we'd planned on escaping together."

The silence between them was heady as yet another piece of information that Niall had refused to deduce came hurtling into the foreground. How often since Uldred had left had he seen the two of them together, Anders and Jowan. How often had their conversations halted when Niall had walked over.

"But what he did - the basement, the - the blood - that couldn't have been the plan?"

Anders shook his head, "It wasn't. That was reckless of him. But I understand."

"The note said his suspicions were confirmed -,"

Anders answered the question before it was asked, "There were plans to make him tranquil."

The words made Niall's blood run cold - a sensation he was becoming increasingly familiar with.

"We probably shouldn't be saying all this here." Anders said, "But I do still want to talk to you. Will you be able to meet me tomorrow?"

"Where?" Niall replied without hesitation because ignoring everything hadn't stopped the templars torturing him, hadn't stopped Irving taunting him or Uldred using him - maybe it was time to get some answers.

"Where and when?"

-o0o-

The next day Niall headed out to the library, exhausted - he still hadn't been able to sleep since what he had begun to refer to in his mind as That Night - but nonetheless feeling less jumpy at the sight of the templars. He had a class to teach, then a couple of hours to get some assignments marked before he was set to meet Anders in the caverns around lunch time.

He also thought, with a pang of guilt, that he should go speak to Petra, Leorah, and Torrin who were probably all worried about him.

The class went smoothly, with the exception of Keili who spent the whole hour with a wide-eyed look of terror gazing at him. When he dismissed the class she lingered at her desk for a moment clearly wanting to say something but not sure if she should. Niall wondered what the rumours were about where he'd been since he doubted the apprentices knew the real story. Or maybe they did, he thought, realising that even though Jowan was older than most of the apprentices, he had still been one of them - how many of his students had lost a friend now he was gone?

"Enchanter?" Keili said sheepishly.

"Keili?" he tried to respond breezily with a forced smile but it did nothing to ease the tension of the interaction.

"I wanted to say - that is - I -" she paused to gather herself and settle on the right words, "I'm glad you're back."

Relieved that didn't seem as though she was about to launch into any questions Niall smiled for real, "Thank you." He cut himself off with an involuntary yawn that had Keili looking concerned again,

"Are you not sleeping, Enchanter?"

Niall also snapped that of course he wasn't sleeping, that he hadn't slept for more than an hour at a time since That Night. But the wrinkled frown of concern on Keili's face stopped him, the less she knew about what had happened the better, she was already fragile.

"Don't worry about me - I don't think Senior Enchanter Torrin will need to cover any more of my classes."

"That's a relief - he's quite strict." Keili confessed and Niall held back a laugh,

"Mmm he certainly can be." Niall agreed. They were headed in the same direction as they left and Keili continued to fill Niall in on every time one of his students had made Torrin exhale loudly in exasperation. As they chatted Niall didn't notice he'd managed to pass three different templars without his stomach lurching.

-o0o-

Sitting in the library, Niall got through marking exactly one and a half homework assignments before getting distracted. He was too exhausted to focus. He still had a couple of hours before his meeting with Anders and he was trying not to think too hard about it. It was needless to be anxious about it, all they were doing was meeting to talk, and Niall would get some answers about what had happened with Jowan - closure, maybe? That was all though, Niall silently chided himself - just explanations, no more schemes, whatever Anders was planning he wouldn't get mixed up in it.

His thoughts turned once again to his friends. Petra would be teaching all day as usual but Torrin would be free. Niall mentally ran through the other man's schedule, surprising himself with how much detail he knew it in. Torrin used this time to work on his personal research which would put him either in one of the quieter study rooms on the first floor or, if he was working on a particularly difficult section of his new book, he'd be at the desk in his room.

Except when Niall went to find him, Torrin was in neither place. Nor was he in the main library or the dining hall or the chapel. In the end, Niall felt like he'd scoured the Tower from top to bottom and the man was nowhere to be found. He told himself there was nothing wrong that if Torrin was missing then someone would have told him. Surely, they would have done, wouldn't they? Anders or Petra - they both knew Niall and Torrin were - well, they both knew that if something was wrong with Torrin, Niall would need to know. He repeated the reassurance to himself, nothing was wrong, Torrin would just have found an obscure nook to read in in peace or was covering a class for someone. But the same thought kept creeping into his head - all the time Niall had been shut up in his room after That Night he hadn't once heard Torrin's voice outside the door.

The search, though unsuccessful, killed enough time that Anders would probably be waiting for him in the caverns. So, Niall pushed his concerns about Torrin to the back of his mind and headed to their meeting place.

Inside, in the same clearing where he'd had taught Niall to brew the spirit balm - and Maker if that didn't feel like a lifetime ago - Anders was leaning against the stone wall, and he wasn't alone.

Next to him was an older elf who Niall vaguely recognised, she had her arms folded across her chest and her brow furrowed as she whispered,

"Why does it have to be now?"

Anders shook his head, "We've been over that already. Now will you -,"

He stopped abruptly as they both spotted Niall approaching at the same time, the elven woman's eyes were glowing softly in the low light of the cavern.

"Sorry to interrupt." Niall said and the woman glared at him, but Anders reassured her,

"Niall's one of Uldred's."

His words seemed to have the intended effect on the woman whose shoulders visibly relaxed but Niall felt like he'd had a bucket of ice water thrown over him. One of Uldred's. Was Anders just saying that so his presence wouldn't spook her - or, the much scarier prospect, was it simply true?

"Okay then." said the woman to Anders but with her eyes still eying Niall with suspicion, "I'll do what you need."

Anders let out a deep sigh of relief, "Thank you, thank you," he repeated as she coolly walked away.

"So," Niall teased after a brief pause, "You're in high demand today - back to back clandestine cavern meetings then?"

"What can I say, I'm a popular guy."

Anders was an expert at keeping things light and Niall was usually happy to match his cavalier flippant remark to flippant remark, but this time they were both too acutely aware of what they were there to discuss. The problem was neither man knew how to start. In the end, Niall bend first and managed only to say,

"So, Jowan."

"Yeah." Anders was still leaning with his shoulder against the stone wall, the relaxed pose such a blatant attempt to hide his discomfort it was almost laughable, "Yeah, Jowan - he escaped. He actually did it."

Niall shook his head in disbelief. The news that Jowan was dead had hit him harder than he could rationalise. They weren't close but Niall recognised something in Jowan, there was a light in him, a willingness to be vulnerable, to fall so deeply in love with Lily, to let himself truly believe in something - even if that something, namely Uldred, had led to his destruction. To Niall, Jowan hadn't been a mage broken by the Tower, he had been a man still wholly intact. And perhaps it was the wrong thing to be happy about, after all Niall knew that the proper thing to feel at the death of a blood mage was relief - but when he'd read Jowan's note and learned he'd survived, Niall could have wept with joy.

"I've gotta say I expected you to have more questions at the ready." Anders prompted, "You know - maybe Anders, did you really not know he was a blood mage? Well, the short answer is 'no', I didn't know. Did you?"

The question surprised Niall, "No, no of course not."

"If you had would you have reported it - to Irving?"

He hadn't considered that. Would he? After a moment he settled on the honest answer, "I don't know."

"Me neither," Anders mused as he strolled across the clearing and sat down on the edge of one of the wooden crates. Then, he reached behind it and pulled out a cobweb covered bottle of firewhiskey, pulled the cork out and took a very large gulp before holding it out to Niall.

"No, thanks."

Anders shrugged and took a second drink.

"I've got bottles hidden all over the Tower. Food too - actually it's mostly food. There's a tin of canned something under a loose floor tile in the apprentice dormitory that's been there for over ten years. Wouldn't even open it now if you paid me, let alone eat whatever's inside - but somehow just knowing it's there, that still no one's found it - makes me feel better."

Niall moved over to him, sitting down on the crate next to him and only then was he close enough to realise that half of the bottle was already empty.

"How much have you drunk?"

Anders laughed, "Don't you worry about me, I can hold my firewhiskey. I'm just trying to use up everything while I have the chance, can't take it with me."

"You mean you're planning to escape again?" Niall asked, then added, "escape the Tower?" He didn't even want to imply any other kind of escape that Anders might be contemplating, the all too common kind at Kinloch.

"I've gotten out six times, you know. Has to be a record, surely." Niall was tempted to interrupt but thought better of it, whatever Anders' was leading to was clearly something he needed to say.

"The first time I was really young, I hadn't planned it, I just wanted to go home - which was obvious to even the templars because they very kindly decided not to run a sword through me when they found me. I got smarter after that though, really did start planning. At first it was a distraction, a puzzle, hypothetically, how would I escape? Whenever bad things were happening that's what I'd think about, escaping. A lot of bad things happened and so I spent a lot of time planning, so much time that the plan became workable and without ever really making a conscious decision to - I was plotting a real escape. And I got out. But they brought me back. Over and over they brought me back."

"I had wondered about that," Niall confessed, "why did they keep on -,"

"-not just killing me?" Anders bared his teeth in a perverse smirk, "Irving. Even now, I don't know what he said or who he said it to but every time I got caught they just sent me back to my classes with a slap on wrist like nothing had happened. I was wary at first, I was young, defenceless and not bad looking - I seemed pretty obvious what Irving wanted from me."

Niall felt sick and it must have shown in his expression because Anders clarified quickly,

"It wasn't that. Irving never - he never did anything like that. But I've always wondered why he protected me, you know Irving and he isn't exactly a bleeding heart."

"No," Niall agreed, thinking back on his last interaction with the First Enchanter, "no, he isn't."

Anders offered him the bottle again and this time Niall took it.

"Whatever it was, it doesn't matter now anyway. His patience ran out."

"How do you mean?" Niall passed back the bottle.

"The last time I got out wasn't really like the rest. There was no plan- it was more of a mania. I'd spilt orange juice on my robe that morning and one of the tranquil gave me an apprentice robe to wear while they washed it. Then I saw a group of apprentices being led outside for their outdoor exercise. I don't remember my thought process, I don't think there was one really - but I tagged along at the back of their group and the second we got outside I just - ran. I ran to the edge of the dock and before any of the templars had a chance to react, I dove in."

"You swam to shore?"

Anders looked at the floor, "Not right away. At first, I shut my eyes and just - let myself sink. I thought the templars would be seconds behind me. I thought I'd feel one of them grab me by the ankle and haul me back to dry land. I think - I think I thought if I drowned before they got to me then they'd have gotten wet for nothing jumping in after me. It was quite peaceful really, closing my eyes and imagining that my last act would be to annoy the templars."

Anders paused and Niall's instinct was to reach out, place a hand on the other man's shoulder, do anything to offer a shred of comfort - but he worried making any sort of movement might interrupt his story, so instead, he sat deathly still and let Anders continue.

"It felt like an age but at some point, as I was sinking, it dawned on me that there were no templars grabbing me, no disturbance in the water to indicate any of them had bothered to jump in after me. And then I do remember thinking, I remember so clearly thinking that I wasn't about to die if the templars on duty hadn't even had to get their feet wet. So, I started to swim. And I'm a very good swimmer. I got to shore, found a merchant wagon heading to Denerim. I hid in the back. There didn't seem much point in hiding, I knew it was only a matter of time before the templars tracked me so I didn't really bother hiding. I got a room at one of the brothels in exchange for setting up a few protective wards for the owner. I drank myself blind and taught the girl's there a couple of tricks for a few days until the Templars inevitably came."

After his last escape, Anders had been locked in solitary confinement, Niall knew that much and it sounded unimaginable. Anders finished the last dregs of whiskey and went on,

"They marched me back - of course. And then I was back in the Tower, standing in front of Irving and Gregoire and four other templars. Gregoire knew Irving always vouched for me - so ordered them to flog me, I almost laughed - it was a lot less creative than everything they'd inflicted on the journey back. But then Irving cleared his throat and - it was him that ordered them to put me in solitary confinement. Then, he asked for a moment alone with me before they took me and when it was just us he only looked at me and said "That was the last time. Try this again, I would stand between you and their blades." I didn't speak to another mage after that for over a year."

They hadn't made eye contact once throughout Anders' story. Niall couldn't begin to imagine what he'd been through. Rage filled him as he remembered Irving's taunting about how used to torture Anders must be by now - how he could have said something like that after it had been him that had given the order. It was sick. That thought broke Niall's last resolve and he found himself leaning across and draping an arm around Anders, pulling him into a hug. It was a simple gesture but so unexpected, especially from Niall, that Anders laughed, which made Niall laugh too at the absurdity of the whole situation, of their whole lives.

When they finally broke apart Anders had almost managed to snap back into his usual persona, "Ooft, I got a bit heavy there - sorry about that."

"We did get slightly off track from talking about Jowan." Niall smiled reassuringly and it reminded Anders of the reason he had started his story,

"Oh," he exclaimed, making Niall jump, "That was my point. Irving's done protecting me. So - the next time I get out it has to be for good because if it isn't -." Niall didn't need him to finish the sentence to know what Anders was saying, success or failure, his outcome of his next escape attempt would be permanent.

"And your next attempt was going to be with Jowan?"

"Right," Anders nodded, "only he went rogue. Which, again, I don't blame him for - but it's left me with a dilemma because originally the plan needed had three people. But Jowan's gone and poor Lily - anyway, I'm not sure it could work with only me. But, maybe if -,"

Anders met Niall's gaze with a mixture of sincerity and desperation in his eyes so intense that Niall could feel it burning into his skin.

"Wait - you can't be serious? Me!?"

"My problem was always that I never thought through what to do after I'd escaped, not in enough detail. But I told you before, when bad things happen I distract myself with planning - and I spent a year in that cell and there was a lot to distract from so I focused on planning how to stay escaped next time. I've thought the whole thing through, where we'll go, how we'll get there, all of it. The actual logistics of getting out of the Tower I only came up with later, after Jowan and Lily got involved."

"Couldn't you come up with something else? Now that it's just you?"

Anders shook his head, "There's no time, part of the plan involves getting from Redcliffe Village to Amaranthine - and for it to work, I need to be in Redcliffe Village this time next week."

Niall felt like he might throw up.

"Look," Anders said, sounding more sober than he had the whole time so far, "It's riskier if I'm on my own but it would probably still work. If you don't want to come with me then don't, it won't mean you're signing my death sentence or anything. But think about it, Niall, because there's a chance here to make a life outside of this Tower. So, what do you think, Enchanter? Do you fancy taking a shot at freedom?"