On the day Evan Buckley is born, Maddie truly believes that angels themselves had sent him down to her.
She finds out, she's not entirely wrong.
Maddie is perfectly content to live her whole life with only her brother Daniel and her parents. She didn't particularly want another sibling having heard countless stories from her friends at school with sisters, complaining about stolen clothes and pulled hair. Maddie likes having her own things and she hates people touching her hair. So, she doesn't let her mind wander to thoughts of another sibling.
That all changed the moment she held Evan.
Daniel was always an active child, he would be out in the garden throwing a baseball around with his dad or riding his bike and performing tricks off raised pavements. This is what made Maddie realise that there was something very wrong with her brother. A couple of months after his fourth birthday, he had gotten paler and wearier, moving slowly like his bones were weighing him down. Their parents had been pretty tight-lipped, there were a lot more closed doors and hushed conversations all too quiet for Maddie to overhear.
Maddie wasn't stupid.
She notices that every couple of weeks they would take Daniel somewhere that she couldn't follow and she was left with their neighbours. A middle-aged couple with no children of their own; obvious by the way they would throw awkward glances towards Maddie (curled up on the sofa with her beloved book of fairytales), as if they didn't quite know what to do with her.
It's Daniel himself who finally connects the dots that she has been trying to piece together for many months.
"It's cancer," he says with too much seriousness for a five-year-old.
Maddie stops what she's doing and turns confused brown eyes towards her little brother, "Cancer?"
He nods, "It's deadly."
Maddie's bottom lip wobbles, but she doesn't let the tears fall.
"Oh."
There's a heavy silence and only the sounds of wheels smacking against the floor of the many coloured race cars littered around the siblings' feet were heard. Maddie doesn't know what to say, trying her hardest to wrap her head around it all.
"We're getting another sibling," Daniel pipes up, a glimmer of excitement in his eye.
Maddie scrunches up her nose and pushes the race car around on the floor back and forth, "Why?"
"For me."
"For you?"
Daniel vigorously nods, "To save me."
Maddie brightens up a bit, "Oh!" She nods to herself, she never really wanted another sibling but if they were going to save Daniel then she supposes that would be alright. She would learn to share her things if it ended up being a sister, although Maddie was secretly hoping for another brother.
"That's okay then, when are they going to be here?"
Daniel pauses, "I don't know, do you know how they're going to get here?"
"I don't know either, maybe we should ask Mum and Dad," which causes Daniel to nod along frantically.
They never end up asking.
Their mother ends up pregnant two-years-later. After the many disappointing incidents where Maddie saw her mother coming out of the bathroom and shaking her head, they were finally able to sit them both down (when all hope seemed to be lost) to announce their saving grace was on the way.
During the pregnancy, Maddie wants to be constantly around her younger sibling, she would be drawn towards the growing bump always feeling as if she experiences the greatest comfort just by being in their presence.
Maddie likes to run her hands over the bump, looking in awe as she feels a kick each time she places her hand there. Already, they have their own secret language. She especially likes to rub her pinky up and down as a way of greeting.
Daniel is slightly more wary of the kicking, finding it strange and unnatural, he would stare at their mother's growing stomach warily. However, Maddie knew once the baby was born, Daniel would act differently. She makes up where Daniel lacks by constantly following her mother around like her own little guard dog. One time she almost barks at someone who stares at her mother's stomach too long, at her little sibling.
"This baby was blessed by the angels," her mother would proclaim proudly, hand rubbing her belly. She would then turn to Daniel with so much love in her eyes, love that Maddie could only yearn for, and say "He's going to save you, darling."
After nine excruciatingly long months, their new baby brother finally arrives. Evan Buckley born in the stages of the sun rising at 7lb 2oz, it's an easy birth and it's not long before Maddie is finally introduced to her littlest brother.
She sits down excitedly on a small armchair in the corner of the hospital room, arms out expectantly to hold him. When she's handed her new baby brother, it feels enlightening - all the bubbling anticipation the past few months fizzles away and a feeling of complete contentment washes over her. Her little cherub stares back at her cheeks glowing pink, wide blue eyes meeting hers. It's as if he already knows that Maddie is someone important, someone safe. She traces wondrous fingers over the little pink mark above his eye, "Angel kiss," she breathes.
Maddie clutches Evan to her chest almost possessively, "I love him."
Everything about little Evan screamed Buckley, from the button-nose, to the full lips and the small wisps of curly blonde hair. Everything except for his eyes, the blueness of them was something ethereal and compelling.
Her parents stare fondly at Maddie's obvious love for her new brother, they think it's a phase and eventually she will grow bored of the shiny newness of Evan and move on. Daniel should probably be more jealous of the loving attention his sister is showering Evan with when they return home from the hospital, if he wasn't as enraptured with his little brother too.
"He's so small," Daniel tells his parents.
"You were that small too," his mother informs him.
Daniel glances towards the bundle in his mother's arms and raises his arms out.
His mother hesitates.
"Please?" He's not afraid to pull out the puppy dog eyes, something Maddie had taught him when they were both writing their Christmas lists a few years ago whispering about ways to get every item on it.
Finally, she relents and carefully places Evan into Daniel's lap. Daniel can't help notice the difference between both of them; Evan glowing a healthy pink. Daniel rubs a finger along his brother's small hand feeling the smooth, unblemished skin. It's a direct contrast to Daniel's now gaunt features and weak limbs that an eight-year-old shouldn't possess. Evan just emits a shine of youthful innocence and Daniel vows then and there to always love and protect his brother no matter where he is.
Everything seems so simple in the Buckley household - treatments began the moment Evan's born and Daniel is familiar with the revolving doors of hospital trips. He finds himself missing his brother and envious of his sister who spends the most time with Evan.
It seems like everything was going according to plan Evan, the little miracle, succeeded in his birthright. Daniel begun to lose the frailness that haunted him over the years and could finally go out into the garden again to watch as Maddie bounces around a babbling Evan in her arms. Already chatting in his own way at a few months old.
The Buckley siblings plan a weekly movie night at the end of each school week, Evan allows them to sit through one movie before he begins to squirm for attention. They would then build themselves forts made out of blankets and pillows, with a worried Margaret hovering behind eyes never leaving Daniel, Maddie grabs torches and they go back and forth telling different fantastical stories - all including the three siblings. Before they go to bed, they sit either side of Evan and slot a pinky each into his own to make a promise that they will always protect and be there for one another. It was them against the world.
It's only a year into Evan being born when everything seems to go wrong again. Daniel grows paler, he ends up confined to his bed, her parents grow more worried and fearful as they look from a healthy Evan sitting on the floor smiling, to a frail Daniel barely able to lift an arm. They eventually start to turn resentful and Maddie's heart breaks on behalf of both of her brothers.
The inevitable arrives when Maddie walks into Daniel's hospital room with a silent Evan clutched to her chest, it looks a little funny Maddie (being but a child) holding Evan in her arms - but, even now there's a strong maternal aura surrounding Maddie for Evan blanketing them in the warm embrace of each other.
Her eyes look a little red and she has to stop her bottom lip from wobbling because right now she needs to be strong for both of her little brothers. As if Evan could sense the heavy grief in the room, he stays silent, just observing them instead - blue eyes slowly blinking between them.
Maddie crawls onto the bed next to Daniel and places Evan in between them both.
If she tries hard, she can imagine blankets thrown over them and soft pillows underneath them, arms wrapped around each other and lights flashing with stories yet to be told.
All three siblings sit together in silence, perhaps for the final time, a unit the world decided to break apart.
"When do you think he will walk?" Daniel murmurs.
"I don't know."
"I'm not going to be here to see it," he sighs, reaching out to stroke a finger down Evan's chubby arm.
"Don't say that."
"I think he's waiting for the right moment to take his first steps," Daniel says, looking way too wise for someone of his age. The years obviously had dragged him down forcing him to grow up before Maddie's very eyes, it makes her grieve the childhood they could've had. "When you most need it, that's when he'll do it."
Maddie sniffles and nods.
"Maddie," Daniel says seriously, turning now to face her, their identical eyes meeting one another, "Promise me something?"
"Anything."
"Protect Evan," he says blinking at her with big sad eyes, "he was meant to save me, but he couldn't. Mum and Dad are going to be mad and I won't be here to help him."
Both turn to look at Evan who blows out his cheeks in a raspberry and then giggles to himself, it makes them laugh through the grief blanketing them.
"Evan was made for me," Daniel continues, "And I'm scared, because I'm going to miss you both. I just want you two to be happy, so promise me that, please?"
Maddie stares at her brother in surprise, wondering what happened to the two young children who giggled over Christmas lists and bike trips to shops trying to grab as many sweets as they could.
She raises her pinky in the air.
"I promise," she vows, eyes a little wet as she links her pinky to Daniel's and then does the same to Evan's.
They sit vigil one last time, pinkies interlocked all on top of the hard mattress of a hospital room bed smelling of disinfectant and lingering sadness.
Later on that day, when Maddie and Evan are both curled up on Maddie's bed as close as they could to one another, Daniel passes away.
All of them going into the night with the last promise they made washing over them.
When the ghost of Daniel is still hanging over the Buckley family's head like grey storm clouds that never seem to lift. It's not even a week after Daniel's funeral when Maddie overhears her parents arguing.
"The angels said that they would save him, when they blessed us with this pregnancy. They said that Evan would be the miracle that Daniel needed, now we're stuck with a god-damned angel baby," Margaret whispers.
"Perhaps, Daniel was already too far gone. He was better for a year."
"He was supposed to save him, Phillip," Margaret screams, "Now what do we do with him."
Phillip's face pulls in a complicated motion, "He's still our son."
"He's part angel," she carries on voice raising, "He's one of them, the ones who took our son away."
"We can't give him back," Phillip shakes his head, "It's just not right, we can't, we were entrusted with this miracle. No one else was."
"I don't want him, he killed my baby."
Phillip sighs, moving his hand to comfort his wife, "Margaret."
"Don't touch me," she shrieks, "I want him gone, just drop him off at a fire station or something, I don't care… I can't look at him, we live with that reminder everyday of how we failed Daniel - he looks just like him, except for those damn eyes and that mark of the devil."
At ten, she's old enough to understand what they're saying and she'll be damned if she lets another brother slip through her fingers. Evan is only one - he's barely placed his mark in the world, Maddie hasn't gotten to know him properly yet.
She won't ever give him up without a fight.
Maddie steps into the room, "You're not taking him away."
Both parents turn to stare wide-eyed at their daughter, Phillip heaves a big sigh once again.
"Maddie," Margaret says wearily, "Go back to your room, this doesn't concern you."
"No," Maddie cries, "I won't let you take him away, he's mine, my brother, I love him."
Her mother waves her hand dismissively, "In a few years you'll forget about him," it's as if she is trying to comfort her in her own messed-up way.
"No I won't. If he goes, I go," Maddie crosses her arms, "I'll run away, I'll do it."
They all stare one another down, her mum and dad turning to look at each other, for once they are lost for words wondering how they are going to weasel their way out of this threat.
Phillip hesitates before moving forward to rest his hand on Maddie's shoulder, he doesn't look at his wife as he says, "Then he stays."
Margaret lets out a sound of protest, but Maddie blocks it out. She did it, she protected her little brother just like she promised Daniel she would.
Maddie knows that from here on now Evan's life wasn't going to be as smooth-sailing as she had hoped it would be. Their parents were determined to leech any innocence and goodness from Evan in retaliation for Daniel's death. It's just lucky that Evan is, just that, inherently good. Still, Maddie vows to always protect him, even from their own family, even from herself. Despite what their parents say, he was part of this family angel parts included, Evan was hers and she will never give him up.
Maddie turns away from her parents' conversation with her back straightened as if she's just come away from a victory at war, she walks towards the room where she left her brother, babbling happily on the play mat, with an overwhelming amount of sadness in her chest.
It's dislodged as soon as enters the room.
Maddie gasps, "Evan! Look at you!"
Whilst she was out of the room, Evan had crawled himself towards the television unit and used it to pull himself up on his feet. Maddie watches with tears in her eyes. It was beginning to worry her that Evan had reached his first year and hadn't yet begun walking, but she knows now he was just waiting for the right time. Exactly like Daniel said.
Maddie crouches down, holding back a sob, arms stretching out towards him, "Can you come to Maddie, little angel."
Evan grins at her and toddles towards her, not as wobbly as she would've thought he would be, before falling into her outstretched arms.
Maddie smatters kisses all over him, delighted in his giggles and holds him close to her chest. "I love you so much, Evan."
"I love you so much," she whispers against him as he tugs gently on her hair.
The cut Daniel's death left her with was slowly bleeding her dry, but with the help of Evan she knows that they can stitch each other back together again.
Maddie remembers this memory a few years later when she grabs Daniel's rusting bike from the garage and passes it over to Evan, to try and teach him how to ride it.
When she lets go and he holds himself up on his own; she thinks back to him holding himself up with the television stand from many years ago, only to come crashing into her arms in victory. As she's running to help Evan up and clean his scraped knee, she comes to a halting stop. Maddie realises that just like Evan's knee, the pain of Daniel's death left has also scabbed over leaving only fond memories behind. She's determined to never let it reopen again. Not when she has another little brother she needs to look out for, staring up at her with such unshakeable trust in his blue eyes, a little misty with pain, but still grinning with pride.
"Did you see me, Maddie?" He gushes, "I did it."
"Of course you did, little angel," she says, wiping away the tears under his eyes and cupping his cheek, "You and me against the world."
Evan nods at her frantically and leaps into her arms. It's a quick embrace before he pulls away.
"Let's do it again," the little daredevil leaps to his feet; hurt knee pushed to the back of his mind.
Maddie nods and grabs the bike, as she stands up she notices her parents watching them both from the kitchen window. She sees the grief in their eyes, recognises it, as they focus purely on Daniel's bike.
Neither of them had come out when Evan had fallen.
It's alright though, Maddie will always be there to catch him if he falls.