Dearest Cornelia
I pray that you accept this letter from Blaise – I didn't wish to send it to you via owl in case of your uncle finding it, no doubt he has banned communication between the two of us, for which I am entirely responsible.
I am writing to beg your forgiveness my darling. I behaved rashly and emotionally rather than logically at the Platform and I put you at risk in the process. I should have never publicly called out Lucius and Narcissa; I am experienced enough to know that the only one that would be hurt in that situation would you, Cornelia, and I am sincerely sorry for my behaviour.
I can only imagine how you felt in that moment and have felt since. Due to my thoughtless actions this private affair has been brought into the public eye and I witnessed your humiliation first-hand. I'm aware that my words could not possibly reverse the effects of that confrontation, and I will regret that I put you in that position for the rest of my life. I understand if you cannot find it in you to forgive me Cornelia, dearest.
On top of this, despite the intention of my words at that time, I fear I may have caused further punishment from your Aunt and Uncle. I cannot stand the thought that I have caused you further physical pain, and I will work tirelessly to bring it to an end if you desire me to.
I want you to know that you are not to blame in the slightest in this entire situation. You may feel embarrassed, as if a great secret of yours has been revealed, but I must assure you that not a single person who witnessed that confrontation will think you weak or responsible at all. Their thoughts will be with your wellbeing and nothing more.
I also wanted to assure you that I understand your response to the situation on that day, I would expect nothing more. It was unfair of me to put you in a place where you had to publicly accept or deny any abuse you have suffered; nobody should be put in that position. I know better and I did it anyway. I am eternally sorry.
That is all I wished to say my love. I am ashamed of my behaviour and if I could turn back time I would do it differently. I am distraught to think that I may be the cause of the end of our relationship, I loved you like a daughter already. That being said, I will respect your decision full-heartedly. I can only pray that this will not affect yours and Blaise's relationship also, you mean the world to him too.
I care for you deeply Cornelia and only wish the best for you.
All my love,
Rosalind Zabini
Cornelia crumpled the letter tightly in her fist the next morning, a heavy rock of shame falling into her stomach at the memory of the showdown on the Platform a few weeks earlier. She did everything in her power not to relive those moments but now every detail came rushing back and she was transported back into those few short minutes where it felt as if the whole school bore witness to just how vulnerable she really was. Before then she could at least hold her head high at school and felt free to shape her own life, now she carried Lucius's weight above her even at Hogwarts.
Last night had been her first night since the boggart that she hadn't had any nightmares and she had woken up naturally feeling light and breezy. However, Rosalind's letter was just another grey cloud that were constantly threatening her blue skies.
After a long while of disassociating from her current reality where she stared blankly at the drawn curtains around her bed and right into that skin crawling reality of a few weeks past, a thought slowly brought Cornelia back around. This letter had been handed to her by Blaise personally last night after he and Theodore had pretty much admitted they had missed her. They had spent the night chatting away like they always used to and she got the distinct feeling that they had been as relieved as she had been to be back together again.
The memory swelled inside her, pushing aside the thoughts of the platform and of Lucius, and she found she could breathe easier again. She smoothed the letter back open again and folded it neatly back inside its envelope.
As usual, Cornelia was the last to rise from her dormitory that Saturday, and as she slowly got ready, she didn't dare to acknowledge the hopeful bubble that had formed within her. Would it be too presumptuous to assume that her, Blaise and Theodore would be back to their previous ways? The relief that flooded her when she finally stepped into the Common Room and saw Theo's sandy blonde head sat beside Blaise's inky black one, both pairs of eyes turning towards her in greeting, was almost crippling. What felt like the first genuine smile in months spread across her face as she approached them.
"Are you scared of mornings or something these days?" Blaise asked as she approached, a pleased glint in his eye as he took in her grin.
"They offend me." She replied, plopping onto the seat beside Theodore who only flinched very slightly at the close proximity.
"How did you sleep?" Theodore asked, his gaze warm and as relieved as Cornelia felt. His eyes were roaming her face, taking in the dark circles that still resided below her eyes despite the solid night and morning's sleep, and the gaunt angles of her cheekbones. "Are you hungry?"
Cornelia had almost forgotten about Theodore's mother henning and was even less used to it now than she ever had been. "Um… yes." She nodded and Blaise snickered.
"We ate ages ago so can't help you there." Blaise leant back in his seat, long legs stretched before him and arms folded behind his head. Cornelia noticed a couple of fourth year girls' eyes turn in his direction and cocked an eyebrow.
"Don't be a dick Blaise, we'll come with you to the Great Hall." Theodore was also eyeballing Blaise with an irritated expression, but Cornelia noticed that his gaze lingered ever so slightly too.
"It's okay, I don't usually eat breakfast anyway."
"Since when?" Blaise demanded.
"I dunno." Cornelia shrugged and Blaise and Theodore shared a frown. She pretended she didn't notice.
"Well, I'm hungry so let's go anyway." Blaise began to stand and something inside Cornelia tightened at the idea of them worrying about her. She hated the thought of appearing weak.
"I don't need you to worry about me you know?" She appealed as she and Theodore began to trail after Blaise. Blaise glanced over his shoulder at her scathingly, but it was Theodore who answered in his quiet meek fashion.
"We can't help but worry about you Cornelia, that's what friends do."
Cornelia's fighting spirit died in her chest at those words, which settled like dust around her. All anxious thoughts surrounding the instability of hers, Blaise and Theodore's relationship and the power dynamics within it were halted in their tracks, shocked into silence. It was the first verbal recognition of being friends that they had ever shared, and it also reminded her of what Professor Lupin had mentioned in the Hospital Wing. "Friends don't mind cleaning up each other's messes every now and then."
"Yeah, and it's pretty hard not to worry when you look like a walking skeleton too." Blaise shook her from her reverie.
"I'm not that bad!" She argued, but in all honesty, Cornelia had no idea what she looked like. She had been in no state to consider her appearance as of late, she'd been too busy just trying to hold it together.
Blaise snorted. "Yeah right. Mother would literally have a fit if she saw you."
"Best send her a picture then." Cornelia only registered the sour words after they left her mouth and anxiously glanced at Blaise to see his reaction. To her surprise he grinned.
"You might get a pretty dress out of it."
"Shut up."
They continued to chat amiably on their way to the Great Hall, but Cornelia was a little distracted by her memory of her conversation with Professor Lupin. She'd forgotten about it in the excitement of spending time with Blaise and Theodore again, but now she remembered how he had revealed that he had been friends with Sirius Black in school it filled her with a tingling sense of anticipation. She made a mental note to find a way of gleaning more information from Lupin in the future.
"So… did you read that letter from mother?" Blaise asked once they were sat down, Cornelia with a large plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of her.
"Mmm yeah."
"What did you think?"
She paused before replying, her stomach writhing a little at the thought. She placed her fork down and Theodore's eyes followed its journey, widening in concern. He scowled at Blaise who shook his head cluelessly in response.
"It pissed me off." Cornelia managed to say eventually, although the words felt like they got stuck in her throat on the way.
"Yeah." Blaise said sadly. To Theodore's relief Cornelia picked back up her fork and proceeded to eat delicately, mostly to fill the awkward silence that had fallen. "But… what about it pissed you off?" He eventually continued.
"Blaise!" Theodore snapped, glaring angrily at Blaise.
"What?!"
Cornelia put down her fork once more and dabbed her mouth and Theodore gestured subtly at the fallen fork, but Blaise didn't appear to get it, he was too busy anxiously watching Cornelia for any signs of explosion.
At that moment, however, Draco and Pansy had just entered the hall, and strode to find a place at the long wooden Slytherin table. Like a magnetic force, Draco and Cornelia's eyes were drawn to each other, and the foggy events of the previous night returned to Cornelia. She had been so exhausted that everything had felt a little like a dream, but now she knew from the frosty incredibly Lucius-like look in Draco's eyes that she had sided entirely with Blaise the night before and insulted both him and his parents in the process. The expression on his face was making it extremely difficult for her to feel bad about it though, and she quickly looked away, instead running back into the dark and worried gaze of Blaise's.
"Why do you want to know?" Distracted, the words came out sharper than she had intended, and Blaise blinked nervously.
"Err, well, you know…" He stammered as Cornelia began to aggressively shove food into her mouth again. "It would be nice for the two of you to get along…"
"Why?"
"Well…" Blaise looked very awkward now as he rubbed the back of his neck. "So, we could hang out during the holidays again I guess."
Once again Cornelia was caught off guard by the warmth in her friend's words and turned her wide dark eyes on him. Gulping the large mouthful she had inhaled, Cornelia wasn't sure how to respond to that so instead redirected the conversation.
"How come we never get to see you in the holidays Theodore?"
"Oh! Erm…" Now it was Theodore's turn to look flustered. "I'd like to but…"
"But your father's a villain." Blaise butted in jokingly, but Cornelia distinctly saw the hurt in Theodore's eyes.
"Shut up Blaise."
"It's true!"
"Like you're one to talk trash about people's parents." She snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously.
"Ouch! And Cornelia…" Blaise leant forward and laid his hand on top of hers. "I don't talk trash just about people's parents." He finished conspiratorially and she yanked her hand away from his.
She had just opened her mouth to retort when Theodore spoke over her. "It's okay. It's not like you're wrong! I'd really like to spend some time with you both over summer though."
The good-natured argument between Cornelia and Blaise hung forgotten in the air as they both turned to stare at Theodore. He, much like Cornelia, never spoke about his family life although she got the impression that it was probably close to being as miserable as her own.
"So… why can't you?" Cornelia's tone had softened dramatically from her last interaction with Blaise. Theodore was staring determinedly at the remainders of her scrambled eggs as he replied.
"Father wants to make sure that I'm sufficiently trained up to take over the family legacy when he's… gone. I have to spend all summer in the study."
"Have you ever told him to just like… get lost?" Blaise asked in the confident manner that only a life of getting your own way could. Theodore shook his head with a sad smile. "But…why?"
Cornelia shoved Blaise, although it did little damage. "What does he train you in?" She asked in that gentle voice that she was extremely out of practise in.
Theodore just opened his mouth to answer when his expression tightened as he focused on something further down the hall. Both Blaise and Cornelia turned to see what had interrupted him to see Draco stalking towards them, his face thunderous.
"Ho!" Blaise chuckled and squared his shoulders, seemingly preparing himself for another fight. Cornelia didn't stop him and fixed her own posture and expression to one of haughty disdain. Theodore on the other hand cringed a little.
Unbeknownst to Cornelia, he and Draco had had a fair few worried late-night chats about her, and Theodore could see just how deeply Draco had struggled with seeing Cornelia as unreachable and miserable as she had been. He didn't agree with how he had dealt with that recently, but he had never abandoned her, which wasn't something that Theodore could say about himself.
Draco had reached them and leant arrogantly on the other side of the table to the three of them, not taking his eyes from Cornelia. Cornelia was caught a little unawares by the behaviour, as he didn't look like he was there to apologise, and Draco had very rarely approached her to start a fight… that was usually her.
"So, you're talking again then?" He said in that infuriatingly arrogant tone of his.
His words stung, but Cornelia would never show that. "Not to you." She retorted and Draco sneered, sneered, at her. Her hands balled into fists on the table, how dare he give her that look! She'd seen him use it on the Weasley's plenty of times, but never her! "What do you want?" She spat.
"I couldn't believe what I was seeing so I had to come and hear it for myself." It was a testament to Draco's confidence that he continued to sound so patronising in the face of a seething Cornelia.
"Well hear this – fuck off."
Draco laughed a loud and very fake laugh, sent her a mocking wave and sauntered off. Cornelia watched as he returned to a sour faced Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, said something to them and then continued on his way out of the hall leaving them all clambering to catch up with him. She was just about to turn back to Theodore when her eyes scanned the hall to find a large amount of people glaring at Draco's retreating back too. It took her a while to understand that Draco had played a large part in making sure the news of Lucius's trial with Buckbeak made its way around the school, and it had clearly upset a lot of people.
"That little git." She hissed through gritted teeth, although her words had lost some of their venom. Whilst her skin crawled with irritation and flat-out hatred for Draco in that moment, the thought of a large group of people feeling that same way about him made her nervous. She wanted to hurt Draco very badly, but that didn't mean she wanted anybody else to.
She experienced a true battle of interests as she watched the Weasley twins stalk from the hall hot on Draco's tail, and whilst she couldn't see their faces, their strides suggested that they were on their way to do some kind of mischief. Stomach twisting a little, she turned with difficulty back to talking with Theodore and Blaise.
Cornelia needn't have worried about Draco who seemed to thrive off the majority of the school outside of Slytherin hating his guts. As much as she refused to admit it to anyone, she had secretly followed Draco on occasion when she caught him leaving the common room or a classroom armed with less than both Crabbe and Goyle at his side. Every time this had happened Draco had seemed to practically enjoy every insult thrown in his direction, and he had an impressive array of insults of his own to throw back. She should have known better than anyone that Draco was more than capable of watching his own back, and even managed to block any spells thrown his way on the one occasion Cornelia had witnessed the attempt at a duel when he had taken himself off to the library one time. However, old habits died hard, and although she cursed Draco's back the entire time she went on one of these secret missions, she kept a keen eye out for any threats that Draco might miss.
As well as keeping an eye out for Draco, Cornelia also focused her attention on getting Lupin to speak to her again. However, it seemed Lupin didn't forget easily and certainly wasn't as clueless as he looked, and although he was always perfectly polite he was quick to shut down any conversations she attempted after DADA classes. A positive side effect of these attempts to get on Lupin's good side was that Cornelia had no choice but to appear to be paying attention during class. It just so happened that Lupin was a brilliant teacher and it didn't take long before pretending to pay attention became being genuinely interested.
Despite her poor relationship with Draco and lack of progress with Lupin, Cornelia found her spirits were higher than they had been since she had started her third year at Hogwarts. One thing that she knew was a factor was the castle's sudden and distinct shift into Autumn and the fast approach of Halloween which was Cornelia's favourite time of year.
As usual, Halloween at Hogwarts didn't disappoint and the castle was filled with spooky decorations as the feast approached. Cornelia, Blaise and Theodore had returned to their favourite pass time of plotting different revenges against the students of the school, one of which was the planting of very ripe fruit into the backpacks of a group of second year Ravenclaws that consistently bullied a blonde fellow Ravenclaw, and watching them run shrieking down the halls as a cloud of ravenous bats attempted to get their claws into the fruit. It was an idea that Cornelia had got from the girl herself who she had run into feeding the bats herself with bits of rescued fruit from the Hall.
Finally, the night of the feast arrived, and it lived up to its reputation as ever. That was until the events after the feast unfolded.
The majority of Slytherins had made their way back to the common room after an unholy amount of food, and some of the older students had just started to produce bottles of firewhiskey they had managed to smuggle into the school when a commotion at the door had everyone glancing in that direction. Cornelia had just emerged from the dormitory to fetch a pack of cards and was on her way over to Theodore and Blaise when the group of sixth year students burst in and announced the approach of Professor Snape. There was a small burst of panic through the chambers as students hurried to erase the evidence of the firewhiskey, although Cornelia doubted it would do much against the shark nose of Professor Snape.
However, she was as surprised as everyone when Snape stepped into the room, a peculiar flush of colour in his face and a manic sort of twinkle in his eyes. "Everyone must report back to the Great Hall immediately. No exceptions and no hold ups."
A stillness met his words and it seemed everyone had frozen in place much like Cornelia. Only her eyes moved across the room where they inevitably met Draco's before they both glanced away.
"Why is that, Sir?"
The question seemed to be the hair that broke the camel's back and Snape's face contorted into a nasty grimace, he reached for the shoulders of the students closest to him and proceeded to shove them from the room. "GO ON. GET GOING. NOW!"
A panic of sorts ensued as Cornelia was swept up in the wave of students pouring from the room, Snape behaving like a sheepdog snapping at the heels of cattle as he ushered them all from the room. She wasn't sure when it happened but at some point along their journey through the dungeons up to the Great Hall someone at the front of the crowd must have encountered students that had been in another part of the castle and a rumour made it's way through the body of students like a tidal wave.
"Sirius Black!"
"Black's in the castle!"
"Where?"
"Up at the Gryffindor's common room apparently."
"Awww I hope he killed someone!"
The voices rang like a gong in Cornelia's mind and her heart skittered at the mention of Sirius's name. The surrounding push of bodies and the darkness of the halls seemed to drop away and a thought struck her like lightning. Sirius was in the castle somewhere. Or at the very least he was in the grounds. She had to find him!
Without conscious thought, Cornelia began to drift towards the outside of the swarm of students, closer to the walls and therefore the doors. If she could just separate herself from the rest of the students then she would have a much greater chance of being able to sneak away. Sneak to where exactly she hadn't figured out yet.
A door that opened into what Cornelia knew to be a broom cupboard began to approach on her left and she fixed her eyes on the approaching door knob purposefully. She was only a couple of steps away when an enormous pair of hands closed down upon her arms and held them to her sides like a vice. She bucked violently at the sudden contact and she heard a deep grunt behind her as the top of her head collided with someone's chin.
"Don't let go Crabbe." Draco's voice demanded sharply to her right and she turned her head to see him glowering at her.
"What the… let me go!" She shrieked, but the door had already passed.
She writhed and struggled as hard as she could to get her hands to her belt where her wand was looped or to loosen the grip Crabbe had on her in any way but it was useless.
"Don't you fucking dare! What are you… Draco!" Her voice was rising in pitch and drawing the attention of the students around them but she was beyond caring as once again her surroundings dropped away from her only to be replaced with red this time. Her blood was surging to her head and Crabbe's hands felt like walls closing in on her. Her heart hitched and she sucked in a sharp breath to let loose a ear splitting scream when Draco spoke again.
"Let her go." He sounded panicked this time and the hands dropped away immediately.
The second she was free her hands shot to her belt, only to find that her wand was gone. When her eyes found Draco again and saw her wand in his fingers as he struggled to put a nonchalant expression on his face, she didn't think before she was diving for him.
Crabbe and Goyle didn't need to wait for instruction from Draco and seemed to automatically intercept any physical assault on their master, and they held her back each with a hand on her shoulders.
Her face was wild and she was practically spitting as she tore at the air between her and Draco's face. "You little prick! COME HERE!" Draco backed away as far as he could in the still advancing crowd, looking terrified. But their antics finally proved too much for the observers and a Prefect had managed to elbow her way over to them.
"What on earth is going on?" She looked almost amused as she took in the scene. Cornelia had resorted to becoming almost entirely feral and Crabbe and Goyle were actually struggling to restrain her. "Oh calm down will you or I'll be forced to bind you." Her smirk suggested that she would very much like to be forced to bind Cornelia.
Somehow her words had filtered into Cornelia's consciousness and she stopped attempting to cross the space between her and Draco through sheer violence. Chest heaving, her glare settled on the prefect.
"Try me bitch!" She spat, her eyes not losing any of their wildfire.
An 'oooooh' rippled through the surrounding students, and people were shoving eachother to get a better look at the drama, their journey to the Great Hall pushed aside for the time being.
The Prefect's eyes flashed, but her smile grew as she raised her wand and cocked her head to the side. Cornelia realised too late that she was without a wand and any way to defend herself.
"Ahhh Maddie wait!" Draco stepped forward just as the Prefect had opened her mouth to utter the binding spell. "This is my fault really, I wound her up by taking her wand."
He spun Cornelia's wand arrogantly and Cornelia flinched forward automatically before Crabbe and Goyle's fingers bit into her shoulders once more.
The Prefect, Maddie, paused and considered Draco. "I think she could do with learning some manners anyway." She began to raise her wand again.
"Your mother-!" Draco's voice rose ever so slightly and Maddie paused once more. "Mary Kettlewell am I right? Works in the Administration Registration Office?"
Maddie's eyes narrowed. "What's that to you?" But as she spoke she seemed to understand the path of Draco's thinking and lowered her wand, her eyebrows furrowing angrily.
Draco cleared his throat. "I'll make sure Father let's her know what an excellent job you're doing at looking out for other students. You were the first to react to the racket Cornelia here was making."
Cornelia almost forgot her rage for just a second as she caught on to the game Draco was so skilfully playing, and also at the sound of her full name from his mouth.
Maddie seemed just as hesitant as Cornelia as she recognised the paths Draco had laid down for her to walk. She could either play along with his thorned compliment and gain from it, or she could continue on her quest to punish Cornelia and see if Draco held good to his hidden threats to her and her mother. In the end, she didn't really have a choice.
"Keep her in check, Draco." She finally said, her chin raised as she peered down her nose at him. She turned back to the surrounding students and began ushering them on.
Cornelia who had gained some of her senses back in the face of Draco's interaction with Maddie was still seething but able to keep a lid on her temper whilst everyone's eyes were still trained on them. Draco was cleverly keeping just out of her reach as they walked on with everyone else.
"Give me my wand back." Cornelia spoke through gritted teeth after a few moments of silence between them. She could sense Crabbe and Goyle immediately behind her.
"I will." Draco said, and she could see through the thin shell of arrogance on his face to the distress just below. His lips were thin and his jaw set and there was a lack of colour in even his pale face.
"When you do, you're dead."
"Tempting."
They didn't speak again until they reached the Hall and Cornelia mulled the situation over furiously. Draco had obviously known what she had been planning to do and had worked to stop her. That pissed her off. Then he'd set his puppets on her. That pissed her off even more. Then he'd stolen her wand. She was furious. Then he'd protected her from the Prefect. The nerve! Not to mention Maddie's parting words "keep her in check" kept looping round and round her head. Like Draco had any control over her. Like anyone had any control over her!
The second they emerged from the dungeons and they had the room to separate, Cornelia put as much distance between her and Draco as possible. Even the sight of the Great Hall being lined with sleeping bags and sombre faced professors did nothing to distract her from her rage.
Cornelia spent the evening huddled tightly in her sleeping bag, avoiding the hushed conversation between Blaise and Theodore as well as sleep. Her mind felt like it was on wheels and the proximity of Sirius Black had her thoughts in a constant decline. Her skin tingled and her leg twitched with impatience, the Great Hall may as well have been a cage as far as she was concerned. Clearly her obsession with Sirius had not diminished since the summer.
It wasn't until the early hours of the morning when the hall had fallen silent and a weak light stained the bewitched sky above did Cornelia finally fall upon a solution of sorts. It had come to her with a jolt as she rested her swollen eyes and memories had floated disjointedly through her exhausted mind. Lupin.
RedShirt1453 - Glad you enjoyed the update. I've been listening to a podcast called Witch Please (you might have listened for yourself) and there are so many things in that that have igniting my interest in the world of HP and that I want to address in this story somehow. Although it's slow going I feel more in touch with the story again, so it's good to see you're still here too!
HPuni101 - Thank you for all your kind words and I'm so pleased you're keeping up with Cornelia too!