A/N: I know, I know. I have two cliffhangers just sitting there, and here I am writing about those damn kids again. :P But the kids are my comfort food, and I really needed some comfort now and then when writing that last chapter of CTD. And, as I've said before, Pookie friendship is my second favourite ship.
This is a The Young And The Breathless outtake/oneshot.
May 31, 2000
Sookie stood looking at herself in the mirror. She knew that she was pretty; she still heard it all the time in other people's heads. And she knew that Eric thought that she was sexy just the way she was; he told her so every single night. She could feel through the bond that he was telling the truth. And she could still see it in his eyes when he looked at her sometimes. The heat and the hunger. He couldn't get enough of her, even now, four years later. But she hated that she was stuck with stretch marks on her stomach and hips and breasts — along with a slightly rounded tummy — forever. She was perpetually seventeen, but she was also perpetually someone who had given birth less than three months before. Well, sort of. She didn't resent Leif, of course. Not even a little bit. But a few more months of recuperation before taking a stake to the throat would have been nice.
Sookie got dressed and wandered into the kitchen. Pam was sitting on a bar stool at the island, drinking blood from a wine glass and paging through a magazine. Sookie put her chin on Pam's shoulder, wrapped her arms around Pam's waist, and sighed. Pam patted her arm. "What's the matter? You feel like the world is about to end."
Pam couldn't see Sookie shrug, but she could feel it against her back. She pulled Sookie's arms away, spun the stool around, and took her hands. Pam was quite pleased. Sookie had made it until the last day of May. Less than two weeks before the anniversary of her turning. She always got really low this time of year, but each time, it was happening later and later, and her trauma seemed less severe.
She kissed Sookie's cheek and then led her by the hand to the couch. She sat down and pulled Sookie down next to her. Sookie curled up with her head in her maker's lap. Pam ran her fingers through Sookie's hair while she waited to see if she would start to talk. Several minutes later, she did.
"I thought that we were all going to die. Me and Eric and Leif. I still can't believe that I let you turn me without even knowing that they were still alive." But she had. And of course she didn't regret it.
"I know."
"Leif called out to me. Compton had him. He hurt Leif's leg. I was sure that he was going to kill him. He almost did."
"But he didn't, Sookie. He's fine."
It was like Sookie hadn't heard her. "I didn't think that Eric was going to save him. I thought that they were both going to die. What if they had? I would be here forever without them."
Pam had actually gotten her feelings hurt a little the first year this had happened. She had thought that everything had been going extremely well. Sookie was able to take care of Leif during the day (with help from her grandmother and her delicious brother). She and Eric had gotten married. Pam knew that their sex life was very very good, even if they didn't have sex with humans. Pam still thought it a strange choice, but they both seemed genuinely happy. Disgustingly so. And, for fuck's sakes, Sookie was a daywalker! The not-so-secret dream of every vampire she had ever met.
But Pam had risen one evening in early May, the year after Sookie had been turned, and she could feel through the bond that Sookie was just… off. She hadn't really thought that much of it; as the night grew later, Sookie had perked up a little. But the next evening had been worse. And the next. And the one after that.
Eventually, Sookie had stopped really talking to anyone except Leif. None of them even had any idea what the problem was. Eric had been beside himself; he'd only ever seen her like that when he'd been the one to hurt her. He was sure that he'd done something awful, but this time he hadn't even known what it was. When any of them had asked what the matter was, it was more like she couldn't answer than that she wouldn't.
In early June that year, Sookie had stopped feeding. And then she'd even started switching her schedule around; she went to bed with Leif every night, and sometimes didn't rise again until after sunrise.
A few nights before June thirteenth — the anniversary of Sookie's first death — Pam had gone into Leif's room and closed the door behind her. Sookie had been lying in the baby's crib, holding him while he slept. She'd been crying, and her pillow was soaked with blood.
Eric had been pestering Pam to do this for days. Godric had been advising her not to for just as long. But as old and wise as Godric was, for whatever reason, he had a blind spot when it came to Sookie. Or, more accurately, a soft spot. She still amused the hell out of him. Sometimes Pam thought that Godric loved Sookie as much as Eric did. Or, hell, even as much as she did. And he certainly doted on her far more than he ever had on Pam or Eric. But it wasn't his responsibility to raise her. He could just spoil her rotten. And he usually did. But Pam had felt that he'd been wrong that time. The time to wait it out was over. Pam had felt so goddamn helpless, and she hated feeling that way. "Sookie, I know that I told you that I wouldn't do this unless it was necessary, and maybe this will make things worse, but you've given me no choice. I command you to tell me what in the fuck is going on."
Sookie's quiet tears had turned to sobs then. But she had, of course, been compelled to speak. And it had all come out. After going through a year of absolute hell, she had gotten through it with everything that she had ever wanted. Well, at least the promise of it. She had Eric, and they had a healthy normal child who seemed almost like a miracle. She had a family who loved her and whose minds she couldn't read, along with her existing family in Bon Temps. And then it had all been almost taken away.
Bill had involved her grandmother in a plot to kill Eric and kidnap her and Leif. Sookie had left the baby in the room alone with Bill — even if she hadn't had any way to know that he'd been hiding in the cubby— and Bill had gotten hold of him. Bill had hurt him, had taken him, had almost killed him. Would have if Eric hadn't saved him after being staked clear through, barely missing his heart. And she would have been left a vampire to grieve them both for eternity.
Pam could tell that talking about it had taken a bit of the burden off, but Sookie hadn't really started getting better until after the thirteenth had passed. And, of course, it had been a Friday.
It happened again the next year, and the one after that, and here Sookie was again. But she was already talking about it. Sookie was staining Pam's cream linen pants with her bloody tears, but Pam supposed that that was what she'd signed up for when she'd become a maker. Especially Sookie's. It wasn't like she hadn't known what she was getting herself into. Pam smiled down at her, smoothing her hair away from her face. "But they didn't die, Sookie. They're fine. You know that you made the right choice. What if you hadn't said yes, and they had to live without you? What if I did, knowing that I could have saved you but didn't? You are my child as much as Leif is yours."
Sookie had the decency to feel guilty, at least. She looked up at Pam. "I… I only said yes because I knew that Eric wouldn't have been able to stand it if he lived and I didn't. He was sneaking up on Bill to stake him. Jason came in and screwed it all up. It all happened so fast. Jason yelled and Bill turned around just as Eric swung the stake. It was going to hit the baby instead. I couldn't let that happen. I jumped in front and you know the rest. I couldn't let Eric think that he was the one who killed me. Especially if he hadn't been able to save Leif."
Sookie had managed to keep that little tidbit under wraps. For years. Despite a maker's command.
Sookie looked up at her maker. "I'm sorry. I hope that you aren't angry or hurt or sad. I really am so glad that I said yes. And not just because of Eric and the baby. I know it doesn't look like it right now, but most of the time, I'm happier than I ever was before. Even if it is a pain in the ass sometimes. I just can't seem to help feeling like this. But I do love you, Pam."
Pam smiled down at her. "I know. And I knew all along that being turned wasn't something that you wanted. But I knew that you were mine from the first time I saw you, sweaty and disgusting and writhing in pain from withdrawal. Sometimes, when you feel like this, I feel a bit of a twinge, but I know that it's something that you need to work through. And, frankly, if that's what made you change your mind in the moment, I don't really give a shit why you did it. You are mine and I love you, too."
Sookie snuggled down, and Pam kept playing with her hair, but they didn't say anything until the door opened and the boys came in. Not that Godric, at two thousand plus years old, was much of a boy. But, of course, he did look it.
Leif yelled, "Mommy!" out loud and in her head, and she sat up and smiled and opened her arms. He ran to her and she held him tight, rocking back and forth and smelling his hair before she gave the top of his head a kiss. He looked up at her and touched her face, which was streaked and smeared with blood. He frowned. "Why are you sad?"
She smiled at him again. She had a lump in her throat, but she swallowed it down. "It's ok, baby. I'm not sad anymore. Let me go wash up, and then I'll read you a story. Your daddy and Godric kept you out past your bedtime." She smiled at both of them.
Leif gave everyone a kiss goodnight, and she got him into his pajamas and tucked him in and read three stories. He fell asleep halfway through the third one.
Eric looked anxious when she closed Leif's door, but she smiled up at him and took his hand and led him to their room. She knew how hard it was on him when she felt like this. How guilty he felt, knowing that she had agreed to be Vampire because of him and the baby. And because of how many times she'd withdrawn from him before because of the stupid stuff he'd done. But it had been years since he'd done anything to hurt her. They never even fought. And he didn't even really look at anyone else. Well, except for the occasional head turn. But he was a vampire, and it wasn't like she never appreciated a handsome face or a nice ass. But she had access to the very best ass in the universe, and it was hers. She put her arms around him, put her head on his chest, grabbed his butt with both hands, and squeezed. Eric sighed with relief and just held her for a minute, smelling her hair.
She looked up at him. "Make love to me, baby."
He kissed her and then pulled off her shirt, caressing and kissing and licking her while he did it. "God, you really do have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen." He sucked her nipple into his mouth and moaned. So did she. And she knew that he meant it, even if they did have a few pale stretch marks.
He pulled down her pants, and knelt in front of her, worshipping her body with his hands and mouth and tongue. He always made her feel so beautiful.
He kissed her and then scooped her up and laid her carefully on the bed. He undressed and lay down next to her, propping himself up on his elbow. "Are you really ok?"
She smiled up at him, and swept the hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. "Yes. I really am. And I'm s-"
He cut her off. "You don't need to be sorry, Sookie."
He leaned down and kissed her, and she pulled him on top of her. She was a little desperate. A little needy. She clung to him a little. But somehow it was a relieved desperation. An optimistic one. And she had pulled him closer instead of pushing him away. Their bonds were wide open, and she was pushing love and pleasure and… peace. He added relief.