Chapter 4
Lisa: I suppose somebody could take too many contraceptives at once and make themselves sick. Or they could try to give themselves an abortion with a large amount of them. But overall the benefits of having readily available contraceptives outweigh the risks.
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I rewrote this chapter. I was not happy with how it turned out and I decided it was way too soon for the two main characters to be having sex.
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The next morning, the potions office door was open when Hermione arrived at 7:55 am. She immediately set to work on 2 cauldrons of Essence of Dittany.
The plant was difficult to grow, and only produced leaves twice a year. Her mentor watched carefully as she pounded the leaves and set them to simmer. The potion had to be brought to just the right shade of brown, resembling the color of an oak leaf ready to fall off the tree. He actually had an oak leaf preserved in his potions manual just for this purpose.
When Severus had determined it was the right shade, they quickly cooled and bottled it before it had a chance to overbrew.
While preparing the Dittany leaves, they had carefully preserved the stalks. These could be used for wand making. Because they had to be used quickly, the potioneer and his apprentice flooed to Diagon Alley.
Olivander was pleased to see both of them, and congratulated Hermione on her apprenticeship after naming her wand, a 10¾" vine wood, dragon heartstring core. He named Professor Snape's wand, 12" ebony wood, unicorn hair core.
He bought all three Dittany stems. Though the war had changed him, it was clear to the brunette that he still found pleasure in plying his trade. His face bore the scars of the Dark Lord's torture, but his eyes were bright as he handled the Dittany stems and envisioned the wands he would create with them.
After leaving the wand shop, they visited Obscurus bookshop and the Potions Master bought an apprentice level potions manual for Hermione.
Upon the pair's return to the potions office, Severus pulled out the parchment with the Post Trauma Brew recipe while she penned her name on the inside cover of her new manual.
"Since we are currently caught up for the infirmary, we can revisit this potion. You thought it didn't last long enough. So perhaps it needs to be more concentrated and taken in smaller doses more often."
He extended the final simmer time on the parchment to four hours. Hermione began preparing the valerian root and placed it in a cauldron with chamomile flowers and lavender sprigs. After that had simmered for 25 minutes, she let it rest and started on the second portion. She crushed ten peppermint leaves with 15 black peppercorns in a mortar and pestle. The black pepper had been added to the recipe by the professor, who thought it might act as a stimulant. Then she crushed the passionflower on the bottom of the cauldron and added water and the peppermint/peppercorn mixture.
The office smelled amazing as that simmered. 20 minutes later, she added 3 sprigs of eucalyptus and the contents of the first cauldron. It was then set to simmer for four hours.
Hermione took this time to pour through her new manual like an excited child on Christmas. She couldn't wipe the grin off her face as she flipped through the sheer amount of ingredient descriptions and potion instructions. Each ingredient listing included drawings, where and how to procure it, potions containing it and variants.
Her smile faded somewhat when a knock sounded at the door. It was the Headmistress.
Upon entering the office, she sniffed appreciatively and inquired about what was brewing. The Potions Master showed her the parchment with the Post Trauma Brew recipe instructions and explained what it was.
"That sounds like a very interesting idea, Professor. I look forward to hearing about how it helps our many traumatized war survivors. Unfortunately, I'm not just here to admire your handiwork. I have three Gryffindor students in my office telling me a story that involves you, Miss Granger, and you as the Head of Slytherin, Professor Snape. Would you please both accompany me?"
Hermione felt a huge pit of dread forming in her stomach, and had paled considerably.
"Headmistress Mcgonagall, would you be so kind as to wait in the hallway for a moment while I speak with my apprentice? We'll join you shortly."
"Of course."
Severus turned to face Hermione and opened his arms up. She walked right into them and laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his back. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. Whatever it was that was going on upstairs in that office, it could set her back considerably, he just knew it. It had taken two days to get her off his couch and out from under his blanket.
"It's going to be okay, whatever it is. You'll get through it, alright?"
Hermione pulled away and nodded. "Alright. Let's go."
He opened the door and they walked up to the office together, behind the Headmistress.
Inside the office sat Harry, Ron and Ginny. They grimaced at the sight of their potions professor and Ginny glared at Hermione briefly while scooting her chair closer to Harry.
The brunette Ravenclaw glared back and chose to stand next to her mentor against a bookcase rather than take the offered chair next to Ron.
The Headmistress closed her eyes for a moment to determine the best way to proceed. She remembered seeing Hermione laying on the professor's couch, covered head to toe with a green blanket. She took in a deep breath as she thought over what he had told her the day she visited his office and the door to his quarters had been open, something that never happened.
""It's Hermione Granger. She's not dealing well with Draco's death. She's been here since she left the infirmary Monday. Things…. happened to her when the trio were on the run, at Malfoy Manor.""
"Professor Snape, it has been brought to my attention that the poison ingested by Mr. Malfoy prior to his death was not self-inflicted after all, nor were the wounds from the Sectumsempra curse. He was poisoned and attacked as retribution for an attack on Miss Granger that occurred at Malfoy Manor. Were you aware of this attack on her?"
"I was made aware thanks to Bellatrix and Dolohov and others loudly bragging about it." He clenched his hands into fists.
"Do you confirm such an attack took place, Miss Granger?" The older witch's voice was firm, but her eyes showed empathy and compassion.
"Yes, it did." She shut her eyes and focused on her breathing as she'd been taught. In through the nose, out through the mouth…
"And was Mr. Malfoy a participant in this attack?"
A flashback screamed across her consciousness. She was on the floor, screaming and shaking as Bellatrix released the hold of yet another Cruciatis on her. Draco stood amongst the Death Eaters surrounding her, but he looked horrified, not hungry and lustful.
"Miss Granger…. Please answer the question." She felt Severus squeeze her hand.
"Yes, he was."
Breath, she told herself. Keep your head together.
"Did you ask Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley to seek revenge on your behalf?"
She shook her head. "No, ma'am. I didn't think they even knew about it. I thought they were in the dungeon when it happened."
"Ma'am, we heard Bellatrix bragging and laughing about it. She proclaimed loudly to us that our filthy mudblood friend had been everybody's entertainment for the afternoon." Ron's knuckles were white from gripping the chair arms. "That's how we knew they all raped her."
Hermione gasped and flinched. Severus bent down by her ear. "Keep it together. Breath", he whispered. She did. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Ginny glared at Professor Snape, who glared back. "Why didn't you stop it, Professor?"
"I wasn't there that day, Ginny. I was running a school and trying to protect the students. When Bellatrix told me what happened, I wanted to tear her to pieces with a prolonged bout of Cruciatis, but I couldn't without blowing my cover. As it turned out, Molly Weasley dispatched of her quite effectively." He nodded towards Ron and Ginny.
Ginny remembered her mother jumping between her and Bellatrix. "Not my daughter, you bitch!"
"She sure did. No one messes with our mama bear Weasley's cubs."
Ron and Ginny exchanged sad smiles. Their mom was tough, with her children and with anyone who tried to mess with them. She hadn't left the house since Fred's death, except to visit Weasley's Wizard Wheezes once after it reopened. Losing one of the twins had broken her.
"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter. I understand you felt you were leveling retribution on Mr. Malfoy for what was done to Miss Granger, but what you did resulted in his death. I cannot allow either of you to continue as students here. You are both hereby expelled, effective immediately."
Four pairs of eyes stared in shock at the Headmistress.
Professor Snape nodded in agreement with her verdict, still in shock that his student had been murdered by fellow classmates. "How did you come upon this knowledge, might I ask?"
"They came to me themselves, after their consciences got the best of them."
"I don't have anywhere to go. My aunt and uncle left the country. The last place I laid my head that wasn't Hogwarts or a tent was Grimauld place on the run and before that, the Burrow over a year ago."
Ron turned to the panicking Harry. "I'm sure my parents will let you stay with them. That's where I'll be going."
"Very well. You are all dismissed. Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, you have tonight to pack and then I want you both ready to floo from my office at 8 o'clock sharp. I will send an owl to the Burrow so they know to expect you."
Hermione let go of her mentor's hand and exited to the hallway. They started walking back to his office when Harry caught up with Professor Snape.
"Professor, could I talk to you?"
"As long as you do not attempt to curse me, Potter."
"I promise, I won't."
The professor directed Hermione to go check the brew in the potions office and pointed Harry towards an unused, empty classroom. After they both entered, he warded the door and cast a silencing charm.
"What's on your mind, Potter?"
"You…" Harry fidgeted with the corner of his robe and looked everywhere but at the Potions Master's eyes.
"Me… What? For the love of Merlin, Potter. Spit it out."
"I've told you about… You know what happened between Hermione and myself."
The professor nodded and waited for him to continue.
"I initiated all of it, but I never told anyone why. I thought that if we were captured and she was a virgin, that Vold…" A sharp glare stopped him. "You-Know-Who would sacrifice her for her blood. I did not want that to happen and I wanted to protect her. Was I right? Would he have?"
"Yes, very likely so. I believe you were correct. She doesn't know that, does she?"
"No, sir."
"Potter, you are unbelievable. You let Ginny and Ron turn against her and let her believe she was a whore for sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend and cheating on Ron. That girl has been so alone this past month, she's been hanging out with me, the dungeon bat. You're just like your father, acting impulsively and letting everyone else deal with the consequences while you skate by unaffected."
"Should I tell her?"
"What do you think? You may never see her again."
"Okay, I'll tell her."
"Good. Maybe she'll stop blaming herself for everything. She's been through hell, Harry. It's time for you to grow up and be a real friend for once. Maybe you thought you were being a friend when you and Ron attacked Draco, but you both were dead wrong. He was not a willing participant, he was coerced into the rape by Bellatrix holding a wand to Narcissa's head and threatening the cruciatis. He didn't want to do it, yet he is the only one who payed for it with his life."
"You told me yourself that life isn't fair, Professor. You told me my father knew it and frequently saw to it."
"Potter, that did not mean I gave you blanket permission to see to it yourself. You had no business seeking revenge, especially wrongfully. If you want revenge on a willing participant in your friend's rape, go seek out Lucius in Azkaban."
The muscles in Harry's jaw twitched as his teeth clenched. His fists were clenched so tight, his knuckles were white. His eyes were wide and focused wildly on the Slytherin Head.
Professor Snape wordlessly placed a sticking charm on him and disarmed him. The younger wizard shut his eyes in frustration.
"Potter. Look at me." Harry opened his eyes. The rage in them was evident.
"I made him pay. I did not punish Bellatrix, Dolohov, Rowle, Yaxley, anybody else. But, I punished Lucius. I was very generous with the cruciatis with him, and reminded him he was lucky I did not kill him."
Harry's voice was barely above a whisper. "Does she know… THAT?"
"Absolutely not. I will never tell her and neither will you." Harry nodded.
"I want a wand oath, Potter. You will not tell anyone what I just told you."
Harry agreed and completed the wand oath. He tried to move, but his professor had not yet lifted the sticking charm.
"I'll lift the charm when I know you are in control of yourself. You've given me every reason to not trust your temper."
"I am in..." Harry's words dropped off and his voice faltered. He knew he was not in control. "Never mind."
"Three years ago I tried to teach you a breathing technique to get your emotions under control. You ridiculed it and me and did not even try. Would you like to learn it now?"
Red tinted Harry's face as he remembered the disaster that was his Occlumency lessons.
"Yes, sir."
"Take a deep breath in through your nose." Harry did.
"Now out through your mouth." The young Potter exhaled.
"Do it again. Think only about your breathing. In through your nose."
Harry closed his eyes and focused only on breathing. Filling his lungs with air.
"Now let it out through your mouth. Think only about the air expelling out of your lungs."
Again, Harry exhaled.
"In through your nose. Out through your mouth. Keep going. Focus on your breathing."
The professor watched as Harry continued the controlled breathing and his face relaxed and his fists unclenched.
"Harry, look at me."
A relaxed pair of bright green eyes opened and stared back at him.
"You have your mother's eyes."
"I know, sir. You told me after Nagini bit you. Do you still love her?"
"I will always love Lily. She was my best friend."
"Do you love Hermione?"
Professor Snape raised an eyebrow at Harry and wordlessly released the sticking charm and tossed him his wand. Then he cancelled the silencing charm and the wards and stalked out of the room with the younger wizard staring after him.
Struck with a thought, he raced after the Slytherin.
"Hey, Snape!"
"What is it, Potter?"
"It's fine, you know, if you do. But break her heart and I'll find a way to break you."
"Trust me, Potter, when I say I will take better care of her heart than anyone else ever has." With that, he disappeared down a staircase, with Harry smiling after him.
The young wizard suddenly shook his head in bewilderment then actually slapped himself. Did he just tell Snape he would be okay with Hermione dating him?
"You're losing it, Potter," he muttered to himself. Then he headed to Gryffindor tower to pack and say goodbye. He quickly sobered as he remembered it was his last night ever in Hogwarts.
As Professor Snape descended the staircase, he smirked, hoping Harry would think more about the dungeon bat dating his friend than he would about Lucius Malfoy. He had meant every word he had said about Hermione, though.
His smirk faded as he neared his office, knowing the brunette was struggling.
When he returned to his office, he found his apprentice perched forlornly on a stool in front of the cauldron. She stood up as he walked in.
While he inspected and stirred the brewing potion with a nod, Hermione made a beeline to his couch. His heart sank as he watched her cover herself completely with his blanket.
One hour later, the Post Trauma Brew was finished with the four hour simmer. He extinguished the fire and debated what to do. He knew she would resist getting up and working, but he would be doing her no favors by letting her stay on his couch.
"Hermione. Hermione."
She didn't stir. He moved the blanket away from her face and saw her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were tear streaked.
"I need you to get up to cool and bottle the PT brew. There will be days as a potioneer that you will be expected to brew and bottle and be at your best, no matter what is going on. Get up."
Hermione got up, quickly folded the blanket and set to work. The cauldron produced 20 dark sapphire blue vials of potion.
"Could I take one, sir?"
"Yes, that's a good idea, but just half a vial now and half when you go to sleep. Make sure you record what time you take it, that it's a dose of the concentrated brew and I'll want notes on how you feel later tonight and tomorrow morning."
Hermione nodded and made the requested notes on blank parchment, which she enclosed inside her manual. She swallowed half the vial and placed the other half in her robe pocket, next to the vial of contraceptive she'd placed there.
"Now may I go lay down?"
"No. Are you hungry? It's almost supper time."
"No, I'm nauseous." Hermione rubbed her belly, realizing she hadn't eaten since breakfast.
Severus pointed at the stomach soother potion vials, and Hermione took one and swallowed it, then washed and placed the vial in the empty vial shelves with the others.
"I know you want to go back and lay down and hide from the rest of the world under my blanket, but I don't think you should." His dark eyes bore into hers as he placed his hands on her shoulders. "It will only make you feel worse in the long run. You need to pick, dice and dry the Chinese chomping cabbage for the next batch of Skelegrow."
The brunette sighed but retrieved the knife and a basket and headed to the potions garden. Her mentor followed. She knew apprenticing with Professor Snape would be tough, as he was the strictest professor at Hogwarts. She had a feeling he was right, that curling up on his couch and hiding from the world would only hurt her in the long run.
As she carefully sliced off the leaves of the cabbage, she thought about how Harry and Ron knew what had been done to her. They'd never let on that they had known.
Back at the office, she diced the cabbage and set it under a containment charm to dry. Then she checked the other ingredients for the bone growing potion, and found them to be in good supply.
Her thoughts kept returning to the conversation in the Headmistress's office, despite trying to forget it.
"Did you know that they knew?"
"Yes, I did. Harry had talked to me about it early on, when he told me about what happened between the two of you. He once wanted to know if 'I' had been there and participated, as if he was ready to attack me for what happened to you."
Hermione shuddered, and felt bile rising in her throat. She felt herself being pushed into a chair and a garbage can placed in front of her.
"Hermione, you know I was not there. I was here trying to protect the students from the Carrows. Please do not vomit all over my office. You are free to go, if you wish. Tomorrow is Sunday, so you can take the day off."
"May I stay here tonight?"
"And why would you want to do that?"
"I'm sure I'm going to have nightmares. I'll probably end up back here before morning, anyway."
"You need to return to your own dorm tonight. Take the rest of the PT brew before you go to sleep. Try to sleep on your own. But if you wake up with a nightmare, you are welcome to come back here."
Hermione felt disappointed, but nodded her head and prepared to leave. As she approached the Ravenclaw tower, she was approached by Harry, Ron and Ginny.
"Hermione, can we talk?", Harry asked. The brunette nodded. The students walked out to the Astronomy tower at Ginny's suggestion.
Hermione folded her arms around her chest and leaned against a railing. She shivered slightly in the breeze blowing through the tower and cast a warming charm around her and the three others. The moon shone brightly in the sky above them, illuminating the tower. She turned and looked over the edge of the railing and remembered how Severus had stopped her from taking her own life so many weeks ago.
Remembering what had led her to stand on the edge and nearly throw herself down, she glanced at the three people with her. Two of them would no longer be students after this night. This might very likely be the last time they see each other. Her last chance to make peace, so she turned around to face them.
"You wanted to talk to me?"
Harry stared unseeing at the stone floor of the tower. He kicked at a dead leaf that had blown in and took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Hermione, the reason why I initiated things in the tent that night was so that if Voldemort's followers captured us, you wouldn't be a virgin. They sacrificed virgins for their blood and I didn't want that to happen to you. Then I let everyone turn against you because of what I started. I'm really sorry, Hermione."
"Why didn't you tell us sooner, Harry?" Ron looked incredulously at him and his face was flushed red. "We broke up because of this. You and Ginny broke up briefly because of this. We didn't speak to 'Mione for over a month. You let her take the blame for everything."
The Boy Who Lived walked over to where Hermione stood, silent but with clenched fists and gritted teeth.
"Hermione, I am sorry. So, so sorry. Will you please forgive me for letting Ron and Ginny blame only you for what happened between us?"
The brunette's caramel colored eyes bore into his green ones. Lily's eyes, she had heard Severus call them after he was bitten by Nagini. She pushed thoughts of her mentor out of her mind to ponder on later.
"The night all my belongings were destroyed by Ginny, do you know what I did? I came out to this tower and almost threw myself off. The only reason I didn't was because Professor Snape followed me out here and stopped me. He convinced me to step away from the edge and brought me inside and to Madame Pomfrey. Then he stayed by me all night to make sure I didn't hurt myself. You all hate him, but he's been there for me this past month when you all were not. After Draco died, he let me stay on his couch for two days while I got my head together."
"He truly cares about you, Hermione", Harry broke in. "He tore me up, down and inside out about not being honest with everybody. He said you've been through hell."
"Harry, she has. Snape's right." Ron had walked over and stood next to her. "You know what was done to her. I am not going to torture her more by saying it out loud again." Hermione shot a grateful look in his direction.
Harry remembered his conversation with the professor about the senior Malfoy. He shut his eyes and focused as he breathed in and out. Even if he wasn't bound by a wand oath, he could see that sharing what he knew would break Hermione. Open his mouth and he may as well push her over the tower ledge himself or trap her on Snape's couch with a sticking charm.
Ginny had been staring silently at the sky since the conversation started, trying to imagine another year of Hogwarts without Harry.
She had managed to listen enough to know why Harry had slept with Hermione. She felt the crimson burn of shame as she remembered destroying Hermione's belongings following Ron's outburst that Hermione had an abortion and Harry's subsequent confession.
She was suddenly aware of her brother speaking to her. "Ginny, do you not have anything at all to say to Hermione?"
"I am sorry, Hermione. It was beyond wrong of me to destroy everything of yours out of jealousy like I did." She walked over and stood closer to the brunette. She could feel the wind toying with her ginger locks and felt grateful that there was a warming charm on her.
"I forgive you, Ginny." Hermione was staring at her fingers, contemplating a cut she'd given herself preparing the chomping cabbage instead of looking at the girl. She did not get the sense that Ginny's apology was sincere, and did not trust her. However, she wanted Harry and Ron to feel like they were leaving the two witches on good terms
"Thank you, Hermione. I know I do not deserve it. Thank you for the warming charm. It's getting colder out here."
"It's been a really long day. I'd like to go back inside now, if the rest of you don't mind." Harry and Ron both nodded, but Ginny was quiet. She knew the older witch did not believe her apology.
Hermione hugged both of the boys goodbye and returned to her dorm, where she swallowed the rest of her vial of PT brew and laid down.
The three Gryffindors headed back inside. Ron went back to the dorm he shared with Harry, but the couple headed to an empty classroom they frequently shagged in. Because of the swirl of emotions both felt over the exhausting events of the day, the contraceptive potion was completely forgotten.
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In his darkened quarters, Severus stared at the fire as he finished another glass of his firewhiskey. He had been here ever since he had sent Hermione back to her dorm, and was now at least three glasses deep.
He knew contemplating Draco's murder was something he needed privacy and time to deal with. While the young wizard had not been innocent of any wrongdoing, he did not deserve to be murdered for his father's and other Death Eater's crime.
He wondered if the Headmistress was still awake, and contemplated making a cauldron of pain reliever to summon her.
Thirty minutes later, the smell of pineapple, mint and banana permeated his office, and he waited. Sure enough, a knock soon sounded at the door and he wordlessly opened it.
"Professor, really? Making a batch of pain reliever at this hour?"
"I wanted to see if you were awake", the professor admitted sheepishly.
"Most would knock on a door, or use the floo."
"Well, seeing as how I'm three glasses deep into a bottle of Firewhiskey, I couldn't really venture into the hallway. I did not use the floo because I did not know your location."
He transformed one of the stools in his office into a chair, and she sat down and looked at him expectantly.
"Well, Severus, what is on your mind?"
"Draco. He only took part because Bellatrix forced him. She held Narcissa at wand point and threatened to use the cruciatis on her. He didn't want to do it, Minerva. I did not want you to think he was a willing participant."
"Well, that is good to know. It makes it easier to mourn him. How is Hermione?"
"She very much wanted to crash on my couch under my Slytherin blanket, but I did not let her for more than an hour. Then I insisted she get up, bottle that brew I showed you and then prepare ingredients. I sent her back to her dorm for the night."
"Good. That was best for her."
"Harry needs an owl. Hedwig was killed in the Flight of the Seven Potters. I am going to get him one and bring it to the Burrow today. Then he can communicate with Ginny and Hermione. I'll also bring an owl for Arthur and Molly. I want to check in on Molly and offer her my PT brew."
"That's the potion you showed me earlier, correct? Maybe it will help her."
"That's what I'm wondering about and hoping for."
"So you are going to buy Harry an owl? What brought that on?"
Severus stared into his glass for a moment. "The Dark Lord forced me to ride along on the ambush. I wore my mask so no one from the Order recognized me. When I realized Hedwig was sticking close to the real Harry and giving him away, I killed him."
"Oh my… I suppose I can understand why you did it, and why you want to make up for that now."
"The Weasley's own owl is getting old. He can't make the flight between here and the Burrow anymore."
"It's awfully late. So is this brew ready to bottle yet?" The witch stood up and sniffed at the cauldron that contained the green potion.
"Yes, it is. The two hour simmer should be completed."
They both cooled and bottled it, then the Headmistress headed to her rooms for the night. Severus headed to bed to sleep off the Firewhiskey in anticipation of a somewhat busy day for a Sunday.
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Slytherin is not going to take this lightly.