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Chapter 9
I wrote this chapter a lot sooner than what I typically do because I'm laid up with a knee injury and off of work.
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I had trouble with the formatting while publishing this, for some reason. The wording of her diploma is supposed to be centered, but it wouldn't cooperate.
ETA: I think I fixed it.
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A guest reviewer asked what the drink in this chapter is. I made it up, loosely based on the love child of a Pina Colada and a Mojito.
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Hermione knew she couldn't make any moves towards sneaking in to see Harry while she was still a student. She would take her NEWTs in two weeks' time and graduate, then she could visit her friend. It crossed her mind to sneak in Ginny, as well.
She began studying in earnest for her Herbology and Arithromancy exams. After consulting with the Headmistress, she also began preparing for Transfiguration and Charms NEWTs. These would be important for the healer training she would need to be a full Potion Master.
Her days began at dawn with meditation by the Black lake. Then she would spend the day in the library. In the evenings, she brewed in the potions office with Severus. She slept in the dorm she shared with Luna, knowing her time as a student was drawing to a close.
The Headmistress brought her updates on Harry periodically. He was still in a magically induced coma until the swelling in his brain went down and the punctures in his lungs caused by the broken ribs healed. The brunette hid the invisibility cloak in her room for future use.
During her brewing time, Hermione said little about Harry, not wanting to give away the plans beginning to formulate in her head. The two of them talked about their trips to Australia and to the US. She expressed her desire to visit the desert again. Whenever anyone brought up Harry, her responses were quick and clinical. Unbeknownst to her, others around the brunette were taking note.
The night before her first exam, Severus handed her a vial of Invigoration draught and one of PepperUp potion.
"Just one small sip of each before every exam, and don't let anyone see you."
"Is this considered cheating?" Hermione accepted the vials from him but she felt hesitant.
"Only if you consume both vials in their entirety. You will only be taking a sip of each."
"Are you sure?"
"Really, Hermione? Are you questioning whether I'm deliberately misleading you? What would I have to gain from that?"
"You're right, Severus, I'm sorry I doubted you." She looked at the stone floor and then up at her mentor's dark eyes. They initially looked stern but then softened. He held his arms out and she walked into them and wrapped her own arms around him. She felt him kiss the top of her head.
"You are going to do just fine. You're Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of your age. Make sure you do your meditation in the morning and eat a good breakfast."
She smiled into his robes, inhaling his scent of herbs, parchment and whiskey. Before pulling away, she briefly kissed him on the lips.
"Good night, Severus."
"Good night, Hermione. I'll see you tomorrow night."
Before she left the office, she stowed the vials in her robe pocket. As they clinked against the contraceptive potion, she laughed to herself. That darn vial had been there for months now. Many times she had considered leaving it out for Luna, but something made her hang onto it.
Perhaps it was the desire to someday have a healthy relationship. To someday give herself, on her terms, to somebody. No, not just somebody. Severus. To take back control of her life and her body and to prove that Bellatrix and her band of rapists had not destroyed her. She was determined that one day the idea of intimacy with Severus would be possible. She knew he would never pressure her and that he would wait as long as she needed. Even if it was years.
After a hot shower, she curled up under the covers, after setting two waking charms. Although she normally awoke on her own before dawn, tonight she wasn't taking any chances.
When the charms sounded in the morning, Hermione awoke to a cake of nuts and dried berries on the table next to her bed. With it was a note from Luna wishing her good luck. She ate it as she walked out to the lake for her morning meditation.
In the Great Hall, the Headmistress and several other professors wished her good luck as she ate potato cakes, bacon and eggs.
An hour later, she was sitting in an empty classroom with two proctors overseeing as she took her Arithromancy exam. It took three hours.
After a moderate lunch, she took her Transfiguration exam. She knew better than to skip eating, as she was certain to receive a bollocking from a certain Headmistress and Potions Master for doing so.
After her second exam was completed, Hermione walked out by the lake again. It was mostly covered with ice, but a few melted spots were scattered throughout the lake. The sun, though it was lower on the horizon, had managed to peek through the clouds and made the snow on the ground sparkle. She added the scene to her arsenal of beauty that she could draw upon in her bad moments.
After eating supper with Luna and Neville, she headed down to the potions office. Instead of brewing, they worked more on researching about the locations of each ingredient for the Reversal of Dark Spells potion. The Minister of Magic in Sokotra had replied and requested they visit in the third week of April. A representative for the magical government in Norway had requested they visit in late March. After sending off confirmations to both via owl, she headed off to bed again.
The next morning, she repeated the same routine. Meditation, breakfast, Charms exam, lunch, Herbology exam, meditation, supper. It occurred to Hermione as she ate meatloaf and mashed potatoes with Luna and Neville that this was her last day as a student.
After supper, Hermione made the usual walk to the dungeon potions office. As she opened the door, she was met with a loud "Congratulations!".
The Headmistress, Severus, Hagrid, Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick and most of the other professors were all in the office.
The Headmistress handed her a piece of parchment. On it were her scores. All O's.
Then she handed Hermione a second piece of parchment.
Her diploma.
Tears of joy ran down her cheeks as she read it.
The Board of Governors
for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
confer upon
the completion of requirements
for graduation by
Hermione Jean Granger
on
January 20, 1999.
Below the proclamation and the seal was the signature of each board member and each professor.
It was real, she was fully graduated now.
One thought came to her mind.
"Eat your heart out, Bellatrix!"
The Headmistress handed her a glass half filled with a yellow liquid that smelled like pain reliever but stronger, and boozy.
"Remember the first time you brewed pain reliever, I told you that when you graduated we would figure out the recipe for the drink I had in the States?"
Hermione nodded. She remembered that conversation. She had been brewing it for Draco.
"Well, your mentor already worked it out. So here it is. Pineapple, mint, banana liquor, coconut rum, dark rum and orange liquor."
"To Hermione Granger!"
Everyone raised their glasses in toast, then took a sip.
Hermione took a drink of hers. It was delicious. It tasted very strong and she understood why herself and each staff member only had half a glass.
After the other staff members had left, she turned to the Headmistress and Severus.
"Thank you. Both of you. I could never have gotten through everything I did without either of you."
"You're welcome, Hermione!" The Headmistress gave her a tight hug, then let her go. "Would you like to see your new quarters? They'll be all ready for you to move into tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am!" Hermione carefully slipped a hair from the Headmistress's shawl into her pocket.
Her new apartment was next to the potions office and Severus's quarters. It consisted of a kitchenette, a small sitting room with a floor to ceiling book shelf, a bathroom and a bedroom. Spread out on the bed was the green blanket she'd always covered herself with in her mentor's apartment. Seeing that, she looked up at Severus and smiled, knowing that was his doing. He nodded back.
After they had returned to the office, the Headmistress left to go upstairs to her own office.
"Did you notice the door opposite the entrance in the sitting room?"
"Yes, what was that?"
"That leads directly to my quarters, to my sitting room. You're always welcome to come, if you have a panic attack during the night. Or if you get lonely and need someone to drink tea with. My wards are set to allow you in. I know you won't be used to having a whole quarters to yourself after years of sharing a dorm. I just ask that you knock before you come in, so I know it's you. I still wake and startle easily, from my years of spying."
Hermione nodded in understanding.
"I will not enter your quarters unless you expressly invite me, Hermione. I want it to feel like your safe space. You will need to set your own wards."
"Thank you for the blanket. I guess I've kind of taken over it. It got me through a great many rough days, as did its owner. You've always seemed to know just what I needed. I have not forgotten that I would not be here at all were it not for you."
"You're welcome, Hermione." His dark eyes shone with something, something she had seen countless times since her first visit to his quarters. "I am always here for you."
She stepped closer to Severus and pressed her lips to his, raising her hand to the back of his head as she did so. She felt his arm circle around her back and pull her slightly closer, so she wrapped her other arm around his neck.
The sound of a clearing throat interrupted their kiss. The Headmistress stood in the office doorway with a highly amused expression on her face.
As they broke apart, she held out robes to Hermione.
"These have an apprentice badge on them for you. You now will have a seat at the head tables as well, next to Severus." She looked at both of them with a smirk and left.
"I'm going to head up to my dorm one last time. Good night, Severus."
"Take the day to move into your new quarters and get settled. I will see you after supper. Good night."
Hermione practically raced up the stairs, eager to show off her diploma to Luna. Part of her was saddened at not being able to share it with Harry and Ron.
Finding her dorm door locked and the doorknob covered with a scarf, Hermione stopped dead in her tracks. Luna never locked their door and she certainly never put a scarf over the doorknob. She must have company in the form of a certain Gryffindor.
The brunette decided to walk the halls and come back later. After wandering around peering into empty classrooms, she came upon a section of the school still damaged by the Battle of Hogwarts. It had been a seldom used corridor, so repairing it was a low priority. As she surveyed the broken windows, the toppled statues and the broken chunks of rock, movement caught her eye.
She turned her head towards it, as the sound of footsteps could suddenly be heard. In an instant her wand was out.
"Lumos!"
The footsteps grew louder, then stopped. Hermione turned towards where she had heard them.
Draco stood before her, translucent and pale.
"Hermione. I'm sorry."
She stared at the spirit in front of her, wand still extended.
"I know. I know you didn't want to do it, I know they made you."
"That doesn't make it any better, though. I still hurt you."
"Draco, I forgive you." As she said the words, she knew she meant them.
"You graduated today. I saw. Congratulations."
Hermione held out the diploma for him to look at.
"I'm proud of you, Granger. Way to go!"
"Thanks."
"I also saw that you are falling in love with Professor Snape."
"Yes, I am. Are you spying on us?"
"Maybe. Not much to spy on, though."
"Draco!" She fell out her cheeks redden, even though she knew the spector couldn't have seen anything more than kisses. "And there won't be, not for a long time."
"I know. You have to heal first. We broke you."
"You almost broke me. You almost destroyed me. But I'm strong and every day I'm getting stronger. I'll be alright."
"Yes, you will. He really loves you, you know. He hasn't let anyone else into his heart like this since Harry's mum died. If you hurt him…"
"I won't hurt him, Draco. I love him, too."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes, I'm certain. I love him."
"What is that potion you are working on with him?"
"It is supposed to erase the Dark Mark. If you were alive he would have made sure you received some of it, too. We still have a lot of places to travel to gather ingredients, though."
Draco pulled up his sleeve and glowered at his left forearm. "I wish I could be free of it, now."
Just as suddenly as he had appeared, he disappeared again. Hermione was left wondering if it was a dream or if she had really just spoken with the spirit of Draco Malfoy. The icy wind whistling as it blew through the broken glass confirmed to her that she wasn't dreaming. Snow was beginning to pile up on the floor under the windows. There was a snowstorm outside. She pulled out her wand again to fix the windows when she noticed a candle burning on the windowsill. It hadn't been there a moment before.
"Good night, Draco."
"Good night, Granger." The voice sounded from behind her again, but this time he wasn't visible. She blew out the candle and started walking back to her dorm.
On the way back, Hermione pondered what she had learned about ghosts. It was often said that if a person dies suddenly, especially in the case of a violent death, their spirit lingers. She wondered if Severus had ever seen Draco's spirit.
When she reached her dorm, the scarf was gone and the door was unlocked. Luna was humming as she brushed her hair. Hermione suddenly realized that Luna may have seen Draco's spirit as well.
"You have a diploma to show me, don't you?"
Hermione held it out, and the blonde took it and read it, then handed it back.
"Congratulations."
"Luna, do you ever wander around the castle?"
"All the time."
"Have you ever seen anyone's ghost?"
Luna put the brush down and turned towards the brunette. "Do you mean like Draco?"
"Yes, I saw him tonight."
"Yes, I've talked to him several times. He wanted to talk to you before but you weren't ready. I guess you were now."
"Do you think he will be stuck wandering the castle forever? Like Moaning Myrtle?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Luna, I'm moving out tomorrow. They gave me my own quarters near the potions office."
"You'll be closer to your professor."
The brunette smiled. "Yes, I will."
"He really loves you and he doesn't give his heart easily."
"That's exactly what Draco just told me."
"You're planning to sneak off and go see Harry."
Hermione's head jerked up. She hadn't said a word to anyone about it. Perhaps the fact that she wasn't talking about her friend's hospitalization was arousing suspicion. Was Severus suspicious as well?
"They told you about him?"
"Yes, the Headmistress came and talked to Madame Pomfrey because St. Mungo's wanted his medical records. So what are you planning?"
Hermione sighed and grabbed her toiletries, pajamas and a towel. "I'm going to go take a shower." She felt green eyes follow her to the bathroom.
As the hot water flowed over her, she thought about the hair in her robe pocket and the polyjuice potion in her bottomless bag.
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The next morning, Hermione packed all her belongings into her trunk and used a weightless charm to bring it down to her new quarters. She hummed to herself as she hung her clothes in the closet and set her books out on the bookshelf. It was a tune her mother had often sung to her as she was growing up. She wondered how her parents were doing in Australia after she had obliviated them.
That week Ginny returned to school. Hermione filled her in on Harry's condition, from the updates she received from the Headmistress. A plan began to form.
A Hogsmeade outing was planned for the following Saturday. Many of the students and staff were going to be attending. Hermione and Ginny would make the walk with everybody else. Then they would apparate to near St. Mungo's. Hermione would take the polyjuice potion and disguise herself as Professor McGonagall and Ginny would wear the invisibility cloak.
The Friday before the designated day, Severus seemed to know she had something up her sleeve. The needs list for the infirmary was suspiciously long and the charmed cabinets in the common rooms were suspiciously low. She kept having to go to the potions garden for ingredients they were out of. Hermione knew Severus never ran out of ingredients to that extent and some of them she knew she had just restocked.
She was managing an office full of cauldrons when he finally planted himself in front of her and spoke.
"So, Apprentice. Are you planning to include me in this plan of yours to visit Mr. Potter tomorrow?"
"Harry? I can't visit him. He's still a prisoner." She extinguished the fire under a cauldron of stomach soother and cast a cooling charm.
"As if something as simple as rules has ever stopped you before. I remember six years of your gang's shenanigans, remember? What's your plan, Hermione?"
"Plan? Why are you so sure I have a plan?" After bottling the stomach soother and placing it in the basket, she eyed the next item on the list. Pain reliever. She was about to be double teamed.
Severus followed her eyes and saw her expression. "Now why would you be reluctant to make that? What do you have against summoning her?"
She turned to the stock room and returned with handfuls of ingredients.
"Nothing. I'm making it, see? There's no problem."
If she could sneak into Gringotts as Bellatrix Lestrange, she could weather this inquisition. She started dicing up ingredients furiously.
"Hermione Granger. Put the knife down and look at me." She set it down and took a deep breath, then turned to her mentor.
"I've known you since you were a first year. I taught you for six years. I've worked closely with you for months now. You slept on my couch countless times. I know you're planning something. I want you to tell me what it is. Your apprenticeship hinges on whether or not I can trust you. If you're planning to break the law, then this can't continue."
Hermione stared quietly into the dark eyes that now looked stern. He had gone into full professor mode. Full dungeon bat mode.
As she formulated an answer in her mind, the professor picked up the basket of vials and headed to the office door. Just before stepping through the doorway, he turned to her again.
"I'll let you think about your priorities while I deliver these potions. When I say this can't continue if you are planning to break the law, I am not just referring to your apprenticeship. I'll expect an answer when I return."
As hot tears burned the back of her eyes, Hermione blinked them back and replayed his words in her head.
""I am not just referring to your apprenticeship."'
He was referring to the romance that had been growing between them. If she lied to him and went through with this plan, they were through. No more stolen kisses in the potions office. No more falling asleep on his chest smelling his scent and listening to his heartbeat. No more cups of tea in a dark sitting room in front of a fire. No more black eyes looking down at her with that same look.
Her chest began to ache at the thought. Severus had become so much a part of her life that the thought of losing him was too much to fathom.
By the time her mentor had returned, she had come to a decision. He set the empty basket down and leaned against the counter with his eyebrows raised, but said nothing. His face gave away nothing. His eyes reminded her of the black ice over the lake when it was frozen and the wind had blown away the snow.
Occlumency. He was using it right now, steeling himself for her answer.
As she stood in front of him, deep in thought, he made a point of directing his eyes to the clock and back at her.
Hermione took a deep breath. "Okay, I did have a plan to see Harry tomorrow, but I'm not going to do it."
"How?" The cold expression hadn't changed.
"Polyjuice potion. I have a hair belonging to the Headmistress."
"Was this your plan alone or did you have an accomplice?"
"I have an accomplice, but I'm not going to reveal who it is."
"You don't need to. I already know who else would desperately want to see Mr. Potter."
Hermione remained silent.
"So this foolish plan of yours is no more, correct?"
"Yes, it is no more. I do not plan to go through with it."
"Wise decision. Tell me, why would that be?"
"I've worked too hard in this apprenticeship and too hard on my studies to throw it away."
"Is that the only reason?"
"No, it's not."
"Oh? Care to elaborate?"
"I've gotten… I can't lose… I… I don't want to lose you, Severus. You mean too much to me."
"Do I?"
"Yes. I love you, Severus."
The steely, cold expression was finally gone as he crossed the office and stood in front of her. He put a finger under her chin and lifted her head up so that she looked right at him. A tear, much to her chagrin, errantly spilled over and trickled down her cheek. He wiped it away with his other hand, then stroked her hair.
"I've never told anyone I loved them."
"Not even Harry's mum?"
"No, never. Maybe if I had…" His voice drifted off as he shook his head and turned his gaze back to her.
"I… I love you, Hermione. There, I said it. I lost Lily because I couldn't tell her how I felt about her. I won't lose you for the same reason." He bent his head down and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and for a moment lost herself in him.
A pop from a cauldron interrupted the moment and they both jumped.
Hermione resumed her work. Severus resumed grading essays. A short while later, as she lit a fire under a cauldron full of pain reliever, they exchanged a smirk. Hermione again set a timing charm and they laid bets. If the Headmistress arrived within seven minutes, Severus had to process the fresh batch of flobberworms that had just arrived. If it took over seven minutes, the flobberworms were Hermione's.
Twenty minutes later, Professor McGonagall knocked on the door. Ginny Weasley was with her.
"Bollocks. Now I'm doing the flobberworms", Hermione groused with a sigh.
"Made a bet on how soon you could summon me, did you?"
"Yes, and Severus won."
The Headmistress laughed. Then she turned to Ginny with a serious expression and raised her eyebrows.
"Hermione, our plan is off. I told her. I'm not good at lying."
"I know, I agreed not to go through with it as well. There was too much at stake." She made eye contact with Severus, who nodded at her.
"Are you aware that there is a penalty for attempting to visit a hospitalized prisoner that includes prison time?"
"No, I did not know that. We are not going to do it."
"Miss Granger, may I have my hair back, please?" The Headmistress held out her hand. The brunette dug into her robe pocket and retrieved it, then placed it in the outstretched palm.
"Well, Professor Snape, Apprentice Granger, may I introduce you to the new Mrs. Potter?"
Both were equally surprised and wore incredulous expressions.
"What?"
"You did what? How?"
"I had pulled Ginny aside after Transfiguration yesterday and told her if she was honest with me about plans the two of you had, that I would pull strings to get her in to see him. I asked the Minister to meet us there after telling him they were engaged and he married the two of them, right in the hospital room. Now she can visit him once every two weeks until he is discharged back to Azkaban. Then she is allowed a visit once every three months."
Hermione was already flabbergasted at this news, when Ginny leaned over by her ear and whispered "conjugal visits". Severus choked in surprise and the Headmistress cleared her throat. Hermione shook her head as her cheeks reddened and she deliberately avoided her mentor's eyes. "Didn't need to know that, Ginny."
After both had left the office and Hermione was bottling the final brews, Severus walked over and leaned against the counter next to her.
"You can do the flobberworms tomorrow, you know."
"I know, but I'd rather do them tonight."
"Do them tomorrow. I'll walk with you to deliver these and then we can grab a drink at the Three Broomsticks."
Hermione looked up at him in surprise. "Is this a date?"
"Now that you're not a student, yes. And now that I know your level of commitment to me and this apprenticeship, also yes."
"Now that I know your level of commitment to me, yes. I will definitely go to the Three Broomsticks with you."
While they walked through the castle, Hermione told him about seeing Draco's ghost. He told her he had not actually seen him, but that once in a while his candles would suddenly all light and sometimes his fireplace would go out. It had started a few weeks after Draco's death.
Whenever it happened, he would tell Draco to cut it out. Then it would stop for a few days and then start again.
It was snowing as they walked into Hogsmeade, but both Hermione and Severus were wearing heavy coats and scarves.
Hermione ordered a Butterbeer with rum and Severus got a whiskey neat. They grabbed a booth, ignoring stares from other patrons who knew them.
She was no longer a student and there was no point in hiding their relationship anymore. Both of them had truly made their feelings known to the other for the first time.
As they both nursed their drinks, they discussed their upcoming trips to Norway and Sokotra. Hermione hoped they could see the Northern Lights. Severus was looking forward to seeing a Dragon's Blood tree.
After Hermione talked about her trips to Paris with her parents, the conversation turned to their upbringings. Both revealed they were the only child. She talked about growing up with dentist parents and Severus revealed that his father had been a Scottish foundry worker with a penchant for drink. When the icy look began to return to his eyes, she grabbed his hand.
"Hey, come back to me. Don't leave."
After a moment, the warmth came back. "I'm sorry. I don't have many positive memories from my childhood and I usually occlude when I think about it."
"That's alright. We'll talk about something else. Like Ginny suddenly being married to Harry. I hope her parents at least got to be there."
"I have a feeling Minerva probably pulled the right strings to get them there. She has a lot of influence because everybody has been her student. She is tough as nails but she also has a heart of gold."
"I saw you choke when she made the comment about the prison visits."
"Now that was a bit much. We definitely did not need to know that. Does that bother you at all, considering your history with him?"
Hermione thought about his question. "No. It honestly doesn't. It was just comfort sex and let's-not-die-virgins sex. It sure bothered everybody else when they found out, but I guess they all got over it."
"What about afterwards? Was it awkward then?"
"Yes and no. Ron returned just a couple of days later. Then we went to the Lovegoods and were captured."
Sensing a need for a subject change, Severus pointed out the snow outside. It was piling up pretty good.
"Are you ready to walk back?"
Hermione looked out the window at the accumulating white stuff and sighed. "I suppose so. It's so warm in here."
They stood and put on their coats and headed out into the cold. The wind had picked up and almost took Hermione's breath away when it hit her full in the face. She wrapped her scarf around her neck and head until only her eyes showed.
As they pushed against the wind to traverse the path back, the wind picked up even more and made walking difficult. Even visibility was difficult with the heavy snowfall.
Severus grabbed her arm as she was starting to lose her balance on an icy patch of ground. "I think we should try to stay here in Hogsmeade rather than trying to walk back. What do you think?"
"Yes, it's getting bad. Let's go."
Madame Rosmerta only had one room open. They booked it and headed upstairs. Still feeling chilled, Hermione walked straight to the fireplace and flicked her wand at it. A fire quickly appeared and the room began to warm.
"I'll sleep on the couch. You can have the bed." With a flick of his wand, the couch became wider and longer.
Hermione snuffed out the candles with another wand flick, and laid down under the blankets, after making sure Severus had enough covers.
Instead of going to sleep right away, she laid awake listening to Severus breathe. After turning over a couple times, she heard him speak.
"Are you having trouble sleeping?"
"Yes."
"Would it help if you laid on my chest? You usually sleep really well that way."
"Yes, let's just both sleep in the bed. Then we can keep each other warm."
Severus laid down under the covers next to her and she curled up against his chest. It didn't take long for the sound of his heartbeat to lull her to sleep.
When they both awakened in the morning, the snowfall had not let up. A large amount of it blocked their trail back to Hogwarts.
"I guess we'll be staying here another night. I'm sure the Hogsmeade trip will be cancelled. You won't have to do the flobberworms until tomorrow."
Hermione laughed. They walked downstairs and booked the room for another night, then ate breakfast.
When they returned, Hermione was ecstatic to find a collection of books in the room. She was about to dive in when she realized she'd missed her morning meditation. Since her spot by the lake was unavailable to her, she sat down in front of the full length window and closed her eyes.
She pulled forward the memory of the Arizona desert sunrise and focused on her breathing until she felt nothing but peace. Opening her eyes, she saw Severus watching her.
"You do that every day now, I've noticed. It seems to serve you well."
"It really helps me focus and keeps me calm and centered." She perused the book shelf and selected one on the history of Scotland. Then she grabbed a blanket and snuggled up to Severus, who had already began reading. After spreading the blanket over both of them, she leaned back against his chest and dove in to the book.
Every once in a while, Hermione was aware of kisses being placed on the top of her head. She tilted her head back and kissed him on the lips a few times.
Around noon, they headed downstairs again for lunch. After eating, Hermione fell asleep against his chest, book still in hand.
While she slept, Severus watched her and watched the inclement weather outside. He thought about the argument they had the day before.
What if she had called his bluff and refused to divulge her St. Mungo's plan to him and then carried it out? Could he really have ended this relationship? He knew that he would have had to set his personal feelings aside and make good on his threats. Even if it broke his heart.
If she had been caught visiting an Azkaban prisoner being treated at the magical hospital, the penalty was three years in prison. He knew prison time would destroy her. She would be set back and lose months of progress being imprisoned with some of her rapists. They possibly could attack her again, since security was not always good, as evidenced by Harry's recent beating. He had breathed a sigh of relief when she had chosen to reveal the plan and agreed not to carry it out.
When she had further revealed that she not only valued her apprenticeship with him but also loved him, he had felt his heart fully open for the first time since a certain redhead had swung into his life. Literally. She had flown off a park swing the first time he had met her and he was smitten.
After Lily had died, he swore he would never love again. Then Hermione returned to Hogwarts last fall and his heart began to beat faster whenever she entered the room. Because he knew what had been done to her, he had also felt protective and like he needed to do whatever he could to help her heal. Even though he hadn't been there, he felt responsible because he was affiliated with the people who were there.
The brunette in his arms stirred and buried her head deeper into his chest. He remembered what she had told him the day before. "...I don't want to lose you, Severus...I love you…". As he watched her sleep, he knew this was the woman he wanted to wake up next to every day for the rest of his life. He would wait for her for as long as she needed.
Hermione suddenly woke with a start and sat up. Her eyes were filled with horror. Severus immediately dropped his arms from around her and stood up.
"Severus, if I had been caught and sent to Azkaban, I would have been in prison with some of *them*, wouldn't I?"
He sighed deeply and sat back down on a nearby chair. "Yes, you would have. You know what happened to Harry. Your safety would not have been guaranteed. Now do you understand why I took a hard line yesterday?"
"Yes, I do. I understood it yesterday, but just not to this extent. There's no way it could have been worth it. How long did you know we had a plan?"
"I knew your wheels were turning from the moment we learned of his hospitalization. Your lack of reaction and the clinical way you talked about it told me you were hiding something. You would change the subject if someone brought him up. You were less talkative and kept avoiding eye contact with me. You also kissed me less."
Hermione was beginning to understand how this man had survived 20 years as a spy.
"When you asked for the afternoon off to go to Hogsmeade with Ginny, I put it together. I spoke with the Headmistress Thursday and she agreed to approach Ginny while I worked on you. I intentionally swiped and hid several vials from the common rooms and the infirmary, as well as stock ingredients, so you'd have to spend all day Friday working on them instead of finalizing anything. Then I knew I'd have a better chance of cornering you if you were busy. When you weren't forthcoming with any information about plans, I added the pain reliever to your list so we could both confront you."
Hermione was staring at him with a strange expression on her face. "I should have known nothing would get past the most brilliant spy on the British Isles."
Severus managed a brief smile. "It wasn't just about breaking the law, Hermione. I could have lost you. Three years in Azkaban would have destroyed you. I do not want to lose you. You've come too far and fought too hard to survive."
Hermione shivered, but not from the cold. It was true, she had come far.
She stood up and touched his face. "Thank you, Severus." She leaned down and pressed her lips to his. Then she sat back down with her book, but she wasn't reading, really. She was watching him as he picked up his book again and watching the weather.
Just how far had she come? Was she ready for intimacy? She tried to imagine herself naked with Severus, to determine if she felt any panic. She imagined him looking at her, touching her, making love to her and found it did not make her feel panicked at all. She tried to imagine him removing her clothes or removing them in front of him and found it did cause her panic. Her heart rate had sped up and she was shaking. No, she told herself. You're not ready.
She stood up and walked over to the window she had meditated in front of that morning and sat down on the floor. Closing her eyes, she pulled forth the memory of the sunrise over the Grand Canyon. It took longer to achieve the complete peace she had felt that morning. Longer until her heart rate had slowed to a normal rate.
When she finally returned to her place on the couch, Severus glanced up at her from his book as if he hadn't been watching her the whole time.
"Want to talk about it?"
She took a deep breath. "I was trying to convince myself I was ready, but I realized I'm not when I threw myself into a panic attack."
He looked baffled for just a moment, then understanding crossed his face and he set the book down.
"Hermione, I'll wait as long as you need. You know this. Just because we are trapped in an inn together does not mean we need to have sex. I do not want to make love to you until you are absolutely ready."
She nodded. "Yes, I know that. Thank you. I just… I wanted to show you how much I love you and I thought it would be a fun way to pass the afternoon."
Severus stood up and sat down by her. "You do not have to prove how much you love me by having sex, Hermione. As for it being a fun way to pass the afternoon, I am sure we can find other ways to make the time go."
The brunette smiled. "Such as?"
"Well, first off, we should send a patronus off to the Headmistress so she doesn't worry about us."
Hermione said the words and did the wand movements and a silver lion flew out of her wand and galloped out the window. She stared at her wand. Her patronus had changed.
Severus did the wand movements and the incantation and the first one faltered. He did it again and a lioness leapt out from his wand and bounded out the window towards Hogwarts. He stood stunned. For decades, his patronus had been a doe, just like Lily's. Now it was a lioness, to match Hermione's lion.
Slowly, their eyes met as they realized their patronus charms matched.
As they both were still quietly pondering this, a silver tabby cat bounded into their hotel room. The voice of the Headmistress told them that while their absence had been noted, she was glad they were safe and to wait to return until the storm passed.
A thought occurred to Hermione, but she wasn't sure if she should ask. But of course, the former spy that he was, Severus was on to her.
"Spit it out, Hermione. What do you want to ask me?"
"Well…. You know my teeny tiny sex life, but I don't know anything about yours."
He sat down on the couch, so she sat down next to him.
"I was with Harry's mom twice during our time at Hogwarts. At the Dark Lord's revels, I've been with women when he insisted on it. Probably half a dozen times."
A cloud passed over Hermione's face and she felt sick to her stomach. She was sorry she had asked.
"Hermione, look at me. I never raped anyone. Ever. Every time I was with a woman, it was consensual. I swear on Dumbledore's grave."
The nausea began to subside as she looked up at him. "I swear."
"Okay. I believe you." Hermione watched Severus as he looked down at his book but didn't start reading it
Realizing she was looking at him, he slowly raised his head back up as if he knew her next question.
"Did you ever kill anyone, besides Dumbledore?"
He closed the book and stared out the window for so long before answering, she thought he had forgotten the question.
"Yes, I did. More than once. I delivered the final curse that finished off Scrimgeur after he had endured hours of torture. I was forced to kill other members who had tried to leave and been caught." He closed his eyes and furrowed his brow. "I was forced to torture and kill muggles as well. And muggleborns."
The ice had returned to his eyes. Hermione didn't blame him for occluding. She tentatively reached out and began stroking his hair. He laid his head on her shoulder and she wrapped an arm around him as she continued to stroke his hair.
"Do you still love me, Hermione? Even knowing what I did?"
She kissed the top of his head. "I still love you, Severus. Nothing can change that. Everything you did was to help bring the Dark Lord down."
"That day at Malfoy Manor, I had been summoned to go, but I ignored it because the Carrows were bent on punishing the DA members and I was trying to protect them while making it look like a detention. If I had gone, I could have gotten you out before it happened. I'm sorry I wasn't there."
Hermione leaned her head against his and kissed the top of his head again. "It wasn't your fault Severus. They needed you there."
They sat that way in silence for several minutes, his head against her shoulder and her head on his.
"War stinks." Hermione finally broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Yes, it does."
"War stinks. And love hurts."
He lifted his head up and placed his fingers under her chin. She looked into his pain filled black eyes.
"I will do my damnedest to never hurt you, Hermione. I'm human, though, and prone to fall, but I'll do my damnedest."
"As will I." She pressed her lips to his and for a moment, the world disappeared as his fingers moved from her chin to entwine into her hair.
The moment disappeared as Hermione's stomach growled. They both laughed.
"I guess it's time to get some supper, huh?" She stood up and walked to a mirror and started attempting to straighten her wild mop. With a sigh, she turned away from the looking glass. Severus was pulling on his robes. They both looked a bit rumpled.
"Well… Anyone seeing us is going to think we've been up to all kinds of things."
Severus smirked at her, then bent down to give her one more kiss. This time, his stomach growled.
"Let's go."
After eating a supper of fish and chips, they each got a drink. Hermione once again got a Butterbeer with rum and Severus got a whiskey neat.
Their booth was by a window facing the trail leading back to Hogwarts. The snow was still falling heavily, and it covered everything on the ground under a thick blanket.
"I was so consumed with planning how to visit Harry that I have not taken the time to enjoy having graduated. I just wolfed down my meals at the head table without thinking about the fact that I was sitting there. I haven't fully enjoyed my new apartment aside from the day I moved in. I haven't stepped into being a full apprentice because I was trying to hide my plans. I'm sorry, Severus, that I was deceiving you. Do you forgive me?"
"Yes, I forgive you." He took her hand. "I'm glad you're back. I understand wanting to do whatever it takes to see your best friend when they're injured so badly."
After returning to their room, they both settled on the couch with a book and Hermione laid back onto his chest again. Two hours later, both had fallen asleep. Around midnight, Severus woke up with a crink in his neck and a numb arm where she was laying on it. He carefully picked her up and laid her on one side of the bed and then covered them both up later taking the other side. Instead of falling asleep, he laid awake watching her. She crept over close to him in her sleep and slung an arm over his waist. Eventually, he did give in to sleep, listening to her even breathing, with her head on his chest.
When he woke up, Hermione was sitting on the floor in front of the window that had become her meditation spot. Her eyes were shut and her face looked incredibly peaceful. As he watched her, he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He sat quietly until she was done. When she opened her eyes and stood up, she smiled at seeing him awake.
"Good morning."
"Good morning, Hermione."
She nodded towards the window. "I think it stopped." They both walked over and looked out. The snow had stopped and the sun was shining. The sky was blue. Every branch of every tree was covered in white. Every lamp post, bench and fence was lined with snow sparkling in the sun.
"It's beautiful." She let out a deep breath as she surveyed the scene outside and Severus knew she was committing the scene to memory to use later.
"So are you."
She looked up at him, surprised. "Thank you."
She turned back to the window. "Do you think we can make it back now?"
"Yes, I think we can try. After breakfast."
An hour later, they checked out and donned cloaks and scarves. The trek back was slow due to the deep snow but not impossible. Before walking through the entrance, they both brushed off as much snow as possible.
Once they'd walked back inside the building, it was clear someone had set a warming charm for them in the entrance. The Headmistress was waiting for them.
"I am glad you two made it back to the school safely. We are in need of an antidote. It seems some first year Slytherins were taught how to conjure snakes again and two of them were bitten."
Severus chuckled darkly and shook his head at the Headmistress. "Every year."
She smirked back. "I know. This one was thin and a meter long with green and black stripes. Do you need to see it?"
"No, I can make the antidote based on your description, but I likely need more snake bones for my ingredient stock." He turned to Hermione. "Duty calls." He turned back to Professor McGonagall. "Have the snake charmer bring it down."
They made their way down to the dungeon as he explained who the snake charmer was. It was a sixth year Slytherin named Kyle Prodham who was never bitten by snakes, ever. He could tame snakes to do whatever he wanted them to.
Once in the office, Severus opened his manual to the section on snake venom antidotes. On each page was a drawing of a different variety of snake and a recipe.
"While I start this, copy these down. I've had literal decades to perfect these antidotes. Slytherins do this every year, at least once a year. Someone always ends up bitten."
To make the colors accurate in her snake drawings, Hermione charmed the ink with different colors. As she did so, she also observed Severus as he prepared the ingredients. He crushed snake bones and diced up a small fish. These were placed in a cauldron with seaweed and sheep sorrel.
The potions office began to stink with the odor coming from the cauldron, so they opened the window. Just after she finished copying the antidote recipes, a knock sounded. Severus waved the door open.
A red haired boy walked in. He almost could have been mistaken for a Weasley if it weren't for the green and silver tie. In his hands he held a live snake.
"Kyle, you already have several snakes as pets in the tunnel. This one I need."
The student sighed and reluctantly placed the snake on the counter and held it as his Head of House chopped its head off. Hermione noticed he winced and looked away as it died.
After he left again, Severus waved the door shut. "He hates when I have to kill a snake, but I need it to make future antidotes. He already has at least five in one of the dungeon tunnels in a huge cage that he conjured."
"Is he a parseltongue?"
"Not that I've ever seen. But he could be hiding it. That's not something one would want to advertise."
Hermione shook her head in agreement. "No, it's not."
The two walked to the tunnels to retrieve the flobberworms and Hermione saw the snake cage. It was actually more of a herpetarium. It was four meters tall and made of glass. Five snakes slithered around on the bottom, on rocks and on pieces of tree branch. "He brings me snakes he catches, catches the conjured snakes his fellow Slytherins create and allows me to kill the ones I need. In exchange, I leave this alone and catch rats for it when I come down here."
"Rats?" Hermione looked around on the ground uncertainly. Movement caught her eye but before she could register what it was, he had stunned it and tossed it inside the glass top. This process was repeated four more times.
"This is the only tunnel with rats, don't worry."
They retrieved the flobberworms and Hermione set to work gutting them. She was thoroughly disgusted by the time she was finished, until she saw her mentor skinning and gutting a snake.
"Yeeuck! I'm glad I never had to do that during a detention." The professor smirked.
"I do this particular task myself. It's easy to do it incorrectly and then one can be exposed to the venom. You will have to do it eventually. In fact, I want you to watch how I do it."
For the next hour, Hermione watched him intricately slice away the flesh from the bones with a tiny knife. A blue vein ran down the middle of the snake's body. This carried the venom and needed to be avoided at all costs.
"Sometimes it's in a blue vein, someone's it's in little blue sacs near the eyes. Sometimes it's one blue sac under the jaw. I made notations on each antidote page of where the venom is in each snake."
After Hermione bottled the antidote and vanished the contents from the cauldron, they both walked up to the infirmary. "I always administer it and then watch for effectiveness and possible reactions. She always keeps a basket by the bedside in case of allergic reaction for snake venom antidote administration. It has strengthener, the universal antidote, Invigoration draught, Dreamless Sleep, bezoars and boil potion."
The two affected students were laying in adjacent cots. One had a swollen hand, one had a very swollen leg.
"We just do one at a time. Are you ready, Poppy?"
"I'm ready." Luna was by her side and nodded at her former roommate, who nodded back.
He handed the vial to the student, who quickly drank it down and made a face. "That tastes awful, sir!"
"I don't brew it with taste in mind, Mr. Crollson."
He turned to Hermione again and set a timer charm. "We watch him for fifteen minutes now."
When a charm sounded, they all moved to the other cot. The swelling in the young student's leg had gone down considerably during the waiting period.
This young girl had to be encouraged to drink hers but she got it down with reminders that it would bring her wand hand back to normal. No sooner had she swallowed the last drop and handed it back, then her eyes rolled back in her head and she started to seize. Madame Pomfrey immediately began administering potions from the emergency basket. Despite using all of them, the girl's seizures didn't stop.
The Potions Master and the Mediwitch exchanged a somber look and a nod.
"Accio Draught of the Living Death!"
Two drops later, the seizure stopped. The child was now resting peacefully. Luna ran vials and diagnostics.
"She's dehydrated, that's why she reacted so strongly."
"Three vials of hydration potion and three in two hours, Luna." The Mediwitch turned to Professor Snape. "How soon can the Wiggenweld potion be ready?"
"I have some already prepared. I will be back shortly." His robes flared behind him as he quickly walked to the floo.
Moments later, her mentor stepped back through the floo and handed the vial to Madame Pomfrey. She placed five drops under the young girl's tongue and she woke up soon after.
After they returned to the office, Hermione asked him if he always kept Wiggenweld potion in stock.
"Not normally, no. I keep all the ingredients in stock and I can work it up quickly. I had it because I've been keeping a vial of Draught of the Living Death, which I thought I might need."
"Why would you have needed it?" Hermione had an inkling but she still wanted to know.
"I didn't know just how severe your Imperious flashbacks might get, so I decided to keep some in my office just in case nothing else worked."
"Oh. I thought maybe that's what it was." She sat down on a stool and thought about the many conversations they'd had while stranded at the Three Broomsticks. They may not have shared any physical intimacy but they definitely grew closer. Their relationship had definitely shifted since the argument on Friday in this office.
Severus sat down on a stool next to her and touched her shoulder. "I'm glad we got stranded this weekend."
"Me, too."
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Sorry if any of you were disappointed when the two days of being stranded at The Three Broomsticks didn't produce any hanky panky. Our girl just isn't ready yet. But they got a lot closer and openly admitted their feelings for each other after months of dancing around it. Severus is coming out of his shell more with her. He doesn't fall in love easily, but when he does he falls hard. So does Hermione.
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