Author's note: Unbeta'd. If you find any mistakes I missed, please let me know and I'll fix it.
On Earth Folklore
The visits to Area 51 were sometimes awfully boring for Jack O'Neill. Carter did her science stuff with a curious Daniel in tow. Even Teal'c seemed interested. The science was usually a little over his head. When there was nothing else to do, Jack felt a little lost. How come that Area 51, the spaciest of all space science institutes didn't have a single decent telescope?
The latest visit was again purely scientific. Aimless, he ended up outside in the fresh air. This time he was accompanied by a guest who was just as disinterested.
"So, Thor..." Jack asked the little gray one, "have you ever seen a flying saucer?"
Thor blinked at him. He had no idea what a flying saucer was. A part of his heirloom was a herbal water drinking set that contained small plates similar to Earth saucers, but he had never seen one fly. Perhaps it was a game.
Either way, it wouldn't do to admit there was something he didn't know about Earth, so he didn't say anything.
o-o-o
Not wanting to ask any Earthlings for help, Thor turned to the one Asgard who might know. He called Heimdall, who had become very interested in Earth culture after meeting O'Neill. He was now the foremost expert on Earth games.
"Have you ever seen a game of flying saucer?" Thor asked him. "It is apparently an Earth tradition."
"It is not a game," Heimdall explained. "I think it is a mythical air vessel."
"Are you certain?!"
An air vessel was something completely different from a herbal water utensil.
"Yes. They are said to have been observed often, but none of the instances are certain to have happened. Why do you want to know? Have you seen one?"
"O'Neill asked me if I have ever seen one. I did not know what it was."
Heimdall's eyes bulged out at that information. If O'Neill asked Thor about flying saucers, they must be important.
"Do you need help finding them?" Heimdall was all too enthusiastic.
o-o-o
Thor and Heimdall were joined in search of flying saucers by Freyr, who was just visiting Earth. He was as curious as the other two. What he didn't expect or like was the fact that they transported to a large and dark library in the middle of the night. Searching for mysterious things was entertaining. Searching for mysterious things in a dark foreboding place was a little scary.
"Why did we have to come here? Could we not just check on the internet?"
Thor waited a few moments to answer. Major Carter had promised to bring him a new modem to replace a broken one soon, but SG-1 had been delayed on their last mission and his ship was temporarily left without access to the Earth Internet. It took some thinking to come up with a plausible excuse.
"I have chosen a library," he eventually said, "because we are likely to find the oldest reports of flying saucers in sources older than the Internet and thus the most accurate." There, that sounded believable enough. Heimdall and Freyr were seemingly satisfied as they didn't protest.
So, the three Asgard lit the stones of light they used as flashlights and dared into the depths of the library, Thor taking the lead, with Heimdall almost beside him and Freyr as close behind the two as possible.
"Where do we look?" Heimdall asked. He inspected the nearest shelves. The label indicated they contained biographies. He knew what a biography was and he didn't think they would find any information on flying saucers there.
"Ethnography, I presume."
Traditional Asgard wisdom failed in this case. They couldn't even find anything on regular saucers in that section. None of the three knew where else to look, so they decided to risk detection and access the library's computer database. They would make it look as an error and no one would be the wiser.
The risk at least paid off. There were indeed books on flying saucers there.
"Paranormal?" Heimdall asked.
"I do not know what that is," Thor replied.
Freyr said nothing.
"However, we now know where to find the books," Thor concluded.
Five minutes later, Thor and Freyr were hunched over a reading table, Heimdall leaning over their shoulders from his perch on the backrest of the chair on which Freyr stood. They had found several books and laid them open on the table.
"So, this is what it looks like," Thor commented, pointing the largest photograph of a flying saucer.
"But it is a very blurry picture," Freyr pointed out. "It must be something on the lens. It could be a beetle."
"It could be many things. However, if the book says it is a flying saucer, then it is a flying saucer."
"It does look mysterious," Freyr shuddered. "I can see why Earthlings are so fascinated by them."
"Do you think any of them are nearby?" Heimdall asked innocently.
Freyr huddled closer to his two companions.
Thor looked back at the other two. "I do not think so. These pictures all show them by day. Apparently, they only fly in daylight."
"I disagree." Heimdall leaned so far forward he almost toppled over his Supreme Commander. Freyr graciously let him take his spot on the seat of the chair and stood close behind his two companions. With easier access to the book they were currently inspecting, Heimdall flipped a few pages.
"See, here they are at night," he indicated a nighttime photograph.
"These?" Thor asked incredulously. "I can only see a few overexposed dots on a very low quality photograph."
Freyr behind him relaxed minutely. "Maybe flying saucers are actually photographic anomalies," he suggested quietly. "When they try to photograph the paranormal."
"But the book says they are flying saucers," Heimdall countered. Freyr shrunk back into the scientist.
"I suppose," Thor admitted, "but this does not help us identifying them. A hybrid of a large beetle and a firefly might not be easy to find."
"We have only gone through a few books, there is more," Heimdall soothed. "What about these?" He opened a comic book they had taken from the science fiction section.
"These are fiction," Thor explained to Freyr's relief.
"Nonetheless, they might help us gain some insight."
The three, even Freyr, leaned closer to the comic. The image of a large monochrome lozenge-shaped craft with a glass dome in the middle was quite detailed. Thor had absolutely never seen anything like it, but, as he knew, fiction was often based on fact. This rendering could not have deviated too much from the actual shape.
"It does not seem similar to a Goa'uld al'kesh, as you initially surmised, Commander Thor." Heimdall browsed the comic.
"It does not. At least we are now certain what to look for," Thor agreed. "This one and this one and this one," he slid two books and a comic to the edge of the table, "might prove useful."
Thor took the books and let Heimdall return the rest to their shelves. Freyr was of no use as he was almost hidden under the chair with his and Thor's light clutched to his chest. Heimdall returned and the three beamed back to the ship.
o-o-o
As soon as they were back on the ship, Thor and Heimdall ran up to the computer terminal in the command center. Freyr lagged behind, pretending to be busy with something else.
Heimdall now held the books under his arm. Thor, even a little excited, pulled up the database of all craft sightings in the vicinity of Earth. Freyr observed from afar as the data appeared on the screen.
"I will look up only the last hundred years," Thor declared.
The results got filtered and the three stared at it.
"What exactly are we looking for?"
The question made sense. The number of entries wasn't small. "It has to be unidentified, of course," Heimdall pointed out unnecessarily.
"It has to look like a flying saucer," Freyr suggested timidly.
Thor exhaled. "Let's start with the most defined image." He took the comic from Heimdall's hands. He scanned the image with the holographic technology and modified it with a set of photographic filters. Several different settings on visual match didn't return a single entry.
Both Thor and Heimdall sighed. Freyr relaxed behind them.
"Give me the other books," Thor commanded.
He repeated the scanning procedure on all photographs he deemed good enough and still no satisfactory match was found. The pictures were not clear enough, even with computer's extrapolation.
Freyr relaxed even more. "Perhaps you should look for objects that are blurry by nature."
Thor conceded defeat. "These books were made with an inferior technology," he explained the cause.
All three knew they would have to wait until they had access to the Internet.
o-o-o
The books were returned to the library. The next step in their research would be to seek human help anyway. By sheer stroke of luck, they had found several brochures in the books they took. Published by societies that researched these flying saucers and something called UFOs, the pamphlets contained information about places where these were supposed to appear often. Moreover, they listed the dates of gatherings where people met to look for them together. Accepting the unexpected gift, the three Asgard selected three of these gatherings and split them amongst themselves. There, they would get reliable first-hand information on flying saucers from those who knew them best.
Thor picked as plain-looking a human image as he could for the camouflage hologram and beamed down to the vicinity of his designated gathering. These flying saucers certainly had a strange taste in places to appear. His gathering took place in a forest with many trees to obstruct the view of the skies. He had been lucky to avoid the nearby road, but the gravel path contained larger rocks and he almost got tripped several times. It was so much harder to see at night as well. The Asgard often strolled the forests on their planets, but they were never so reckless with preparation of footpaths. He supported himself on a bush, hoping the stumble didn't interfere with the hologram.
He soon reached the designated spot. Before he even came close, he heard the sounds of people chatting, moderately loud music and crackle of fire.
He walked up to the jovial group of people, introduced himself – though not with his real name – and got invited to join the gathering. The music was enjoyable, the company just as much; his only regret was that he couldn't eat any of the food without revealing himself. The grilled food smelled very appetizing. Nonetheless, he used the excuse of being 'on a diet' (as he had often heard from the female and some of the male staff of the SGC). The explanation was apparently good enough, and no one questioned it.
When the conversation provided a good opening, he asked whether any of the group had seen a flying saucer. Several had only seen other types of UFOs (whatever that meant), but a few were certain that they had indeed seen flying saucers. Thor listened with interest.
"I saw it, right over there," a young woman in brightly colored clothes pointed at a hill seen from the clearing. "Round as a pancake."
"Did it glow?"
A number of not-so-quiet chuckles answered that question.
"They were these – I can't even describe them. Like lasers. I saw some reflection on the trees too," she said with an enchanted voice. "And then it spun, really really quickly. I was mesmerized. So, there it was, spinning and hovering for about a minute and then it flew off. Turned off all the lights and just flew off."
A number of sighs emerged from the crowd.
"You're lucky," an older man whose voice didn't sound too intelligent supplied. "I've seen one too, but not that clearly."
"What did you see?" another person asked.
"Well, mine was just a circle of blue light."
Thor sat up straighter at those words. Was the stargate known to people outside of the SGC? He was under the impression that that wasn't the case. The man continued his tale.
"... this very faint, but very very round. A perfect circle," he said dramatically. His audience didn't make the slightest move, tense. The man continued quietly. "It was just hovering, completely still. Like an opening to the sky. A sign from the heavens."
Thor tried to decypher the meaning of that, but the tone of a few murmurs let him know it was probably an embellishment.
"It was there for about fifteen minutes," the man continued," and then it disappeared. I'm not sure I saw it leave. There was a blur of some sort, but I can't be sure it was because these lights were moving."
"I saw one up close," another woman said. She had the most disturbing taste in hairstyles, although Thor liked the sound of her voice. It was calm and warm. "So. It's afternoon. I'm just taking the dog out. Suddenly, out of the blue, Millie starts barking; very angry. She almost never barks like that." The woman patted the golden retriever dozing at her feet.
Thor almost hid into the grass around him. Angry dog noises were some of the most unnerving sounds he had encountered on Earth. The worst didn't happen and the dog happily slept on, undisturbed by the storytelling session.
The woman continued her tale. "So, Millie's looking up into the sky. And there I see it. About a hundred yards before me, but so big it might as well be on top of me. Dark grey, metallic, but it doesn't look like any metal I've ever seen. The edges aren't perfectly round, though. It's like they made the whole thing to perfection, but forgot about the edges. So, Millie starts barking even louder and it starts to wobble. I have no idea whether it's because of the dog or because they're in trouble. And then, the lights come. They're so bright they're almost brighter than the sun even in daylight. Then it turns out they're on some sort of stalks. So these stalks with lights start to come out somewhere down the middle. That scares Millie. She whines and crawls away, but she's so strong I can't keep her back. She just pulls me away. I don't know what happened to the UFO, because when I turned back, it was gone. Poof. As if it never existed."
A set of impressed whistles and hums came from the crowd, Thor's included. "That is..." he began, completely absorbed by the stories now.
"...wow!" a young man finished.
All others nodded.
Music was restarted and food passed around and for a few moments, nothing else was heard. Even the woods around them and the wind seemed to quiet. An upbeat song prompted a few people to attempt to dance to it. Everyone else was expectantly observing the distant hills and the sky above.
The song ended and the crowd looked at each other in anticipation of more stories. Eventually, a young man and his girlfriend spoke up.
"Our story isn't that great, but, well, it's a story," the blonde woman in black clothes offered.
"And we've been seeing these, like, for a while..." the man said.
"We've only seen them from far away," she supplied.
"They zoom around in the sky, like this, right." The youth started making whistling spacecraft noises and waved his arm in an erratic pattern. The girl joined in.
"Except they never make any noises," she amended. "They're perfectly quiet."
"Yeah." The boyfriend grinned. "There are usually two of them, but sometimes there's more. Their movements are even more far out then." And the two emulated the more hectic activity. The show finished, they laughed heartily and plopped back down on a log.
Several more stories were told, but no flying saucers came to visit. Somewhat disappointed that he hadn't seen one, Thor left come dawn. Nonetheless, he decided he would attend more of these meetings. He had had a good time and the people were a pleasant company despite their foibles.
o-o-o
As soon as he met Heimdall and Freyr on his ship, he recounted the stories.
"I have acquired a fair amount of descriptions of these flying saucers although I have not seen any," he finished with a hint of disappointment.
"Neither have I," Heimdall took his turn. "The descriptions, though plentiful, were..." He shook his head in dismay. "Various reports say they are usually round in shape, though they can also be oval or triangular..."
"Saucers can be triangular?" Thor asked, confused.
"That is what I have been told," Heimdall explained and continued his report upon urging from Thor. "They can be completely dark or very bright. When they emit light, it is either red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo or violet. They either move very quickly or very slowly."
Thor sighed inwardly. He didn't doubt Heimdall reported exactly what he had learned, but even the extremely unclear photographs from the books told them more.
"What about you, Freyr?" Thor asked.
"I did not find out anything." A fact which apparently made Freyr embarrassed. After a moment's pause, he elaborated. "I was so nervous I forgot to start the hologram and then the people were more interested in me than telling their stories about about flying saucers."
o-o-o
A few days later, they came across several tabloid magazines with images of Freyr on their front pages, right above titles such as: Aliens Visit a UFO Gathering, Horror in Hawaii, Supernatural! Unexpected Visitor at a Gathering. Most pictures were a variation of the same photo – blurry image of Freyr, his hand in front of his face, shoulder obscured by foliage as he tries to back off speedily.
o-o-o
Impatience threatened to gnaw Thor down to his previous body for several days after that, but the new modem was finally installed and he called Heimdall and Freyr to join him in the search for flying saucers on the Earth Internet.
Although they used their own search engine, the number of relevant results was overwhelming.
Heimdall eliminated a few of them, knowing the photos and videos were from fictional films he had seen. However, they came across something very interesting. Several of the films were drawn in the sketchy manner of the comic books. For twenty minutes all three watched with undisguised curiosity.
"Do you think these are based on fact?" Heimdall asked hopefully.
Freyr shook his head. "This style is intended for their children. It is oversimplified to match their level of development."
"I do not agree." Thor turned to his companions after having rewound the video to his favorite part. "O'Neill often watches this style and he is not a child."
"Oh," two little voices answered.
o-o-o
A little while later they ran out of cartoons and the best blockbuster clips, allowing them to finally move on to other search results. They found out that flying saucers often appeared in connection with various hospitality establishments. Motels, bistros, cafés, trattorias...
"Flying Saucer Inn?!" Heimdall was genuinely surprised.
"They obviously function as symbols," Thor speculated. "There must be some culinary reference that we do not understand. Perhaps that is why they are called saucers; real saucers are used in cuisine as well."
Heimdall was about to say something when Thor had an epiphany. "The round shape must be the key. Saucers are usually round. Perhaps that is why they are called so."
Heimdall and Freyr agreed. That was a very sensible explanation.
Thor called up different photographs of Earth food served in gastronomic establishments that had the same design concept as flying saucers: round shapes with either raised or indented centers. Pie. Tarts. Ravioli, biscuits, sliced tomatoes...
Freyr wasn't sure he should mention it to the other two, but he had a sudden desire to eat some Italian cuisine again.
o-o-o
Even later three little gray Asgard stood in front of the screen, stupefied. They came across a very clear photograph of a flying saucer; however...
"I thought you said these objects were not proven to exist definitively," Thor said to Heimdall with a little reproach.
"I was under the impression that that was so."
All three stared at several photographs and two videos of a very real very round aircraft. It was manufactured by a billionaire aeronautics enthusiast, as far as the three could tell. An enthusiast, whose enterprises weren't even under Asgard surveillance.
When they read an interview with this person, they found out the craft couldn't fly great distances or heights and was primarily intended as an homage to actual flying saucers – whose actuality was questioned by the billionaire in question as well.
Disappointed, they discarded all similar search results from their list.
o-o-o
Some time after that they found what they were looking for. Or so they thought. It was a genuine newscast of a flying saucer sighting. The images and video were slightly more detailed than most, though still blurry, undefined and very shaky. As the Earth saying went, it was too good to be true. They spent too many minutes on it before Thor remembered he had heard about the TV station that produced this newscast. It was known for not being a very reliable news source. Once more thwarted, they moved on to other findings, not even checking the time and place of the sighting in their database.
o-o-o
Finally, the distractions and erroneous search results ran out and they gathered hits strictly on sightings and flying saucer events.
Thor quickly scanned the dates of sightings and general synopses of the pages they had found. "Apparently, flying saucers have gone out of style," he commented sadly. "All the recent sightings of mysterious aircraft seem to be those of UFOs."
Undeterred by that fact, the trio ran the first thousand images through an algorithm that eliminated those that were obviously confused with commonplace objects and aerial phenomena. The number left wasn't as big as they expected.
"If there are so many appearances, how come we have not even heard about them until now?" Heimdall asked.
"We are only following actual activity around Earth. Flying saucers are a matter of legend, as we have seen. All human societies have legends, therefore that is no surprise," Freyr pointed out.
After a second of silence, Heimdall spoke up again, "Why have we never been spotted?"
"Maybe because our ships are real," offered Freyr hopefully.
o-o-o
Eventually, though, they had to admit that the flying saucer was a popular and common motif. It would be too time-consuming to separate genuine information from hoaxes and homages. While the other two Asgard accepted the fact, Thor found himself tantalized by their mysterious nature. Although he had almost too many duties to find enough time to dedicate to them, he wasn't done with flying saucers. Absolutely not.
o-o-o
One afternoon as per SGC time, Thor returned to his ship from a shopping trip. Without hesitation, he opened a large box of chocolates and ate some. He would really need to take up O'Neill on his repeated offer to try the chocolate cake at the SGC.
Having retreated to his personal office, he licked his fingers to remove the last of the brown goodness and went on to empty the shopping bag on a pedestal. He had decided to keep his newly acquired taste for Earth books of paper a secret. Two romance novels by his favorite author, a mystery novel once recommended by Teal'c and another book on Bolivian history would keep him entertained for a while.
Finally, he removed the last item from the bag – a long cardboard cylinder.
Books and chocolate momentarily forgotten, he opened the round box and shook out a large sheet of paper. It was a poster with an image of conifer trees on a hill. In the sky above the trees was a spectacular, as Earth photos went, example of a flying saucer. They had seen this photograph on the internet and he immediately liked it.
He unrolled the whole poster for the computer to scan. Just as with the library books, he ran a photographic analysis. Much to his surprise, the result was designated an unidentifiable photographic process. The computer could not determine how the photograph had been made. Of course, that could be an anomaly stemming from many highly skillful reproductions. The photograph wouldn't be able to tell him much about flying saucers, but that was not the reason he bought it. Its purpose was decoration.
With the poster now attached to the wall, he admired this new acquisition, proud of the find. He focused on the words that hovered over the trees. "I want to believe," he read out loud. They sounded very alien, Earthly and mysterious. A sense of excitement rare to the Asgard almost overwhelmed him. The sentence reflected his feelings completely. He was indeed quite happy to have found out about flying saucers.
o-o-o
The next time Thor met with O'Neill was at a meeting in the SGC conference room. After it was finished, he remembered he owed him some information.
"Ah, O'Neill. I have looked into the matter with flying saucers. I can confirm that I have never seen one."
The other members of SG-1 stared at O'Neill in surprise.
"Jack..."
A(nother) N(ote): Just to avoid confusion, though I did a little bit of research, all the sightings in this fic are made up. In fact, this whole fic is completely made up. :)