Hi guys! So, I came to a decision... I'll be posting short chapters every four days or so as an exercise and because this will be an angsty ride and I don't want you to hate me too much!

So glad you are liking were this is going, a few more questions will be answered here!

Especial thanks to my awesome beta Cattinson for having this for me in mere hours! You are awesome!

SM own everything!

Chapter 3: Hate Me

Hate Me – "Blue October"

There's a burning in my pride,

a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you,

Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me

just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me,

it is I that wanted space

Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

"This is Elizabeth."

Esme gasps next to me, Carlisle stiffens and the rest of the house is silent.

…

…

…

"Elizabeth?" I choke, unable to tear my stinging eyes away from the picture in front of me.

This is impossible.

"Elizabeth?" I hear Jasper ask from the kitchen where the rest of my family is. "Who's Elizabeth?"

"Yes, your niece…" Mark punctuated "She's Anthony's daughter, her mother can't take care of her anymore, and so she came to us and gave us your name. You are the only other relative she has left."

I can't talk.

I can't think.

So I'm not surprised when Carlisle asks what I'm afraid to ask instead of me.

"Why can't she take care of her?" He asks in a strange voice, and I can tell it's from the shock and incredulity too. It's so obvious who this girl is, but so unbelievable at the same time.

It's impossible.

"Well, Miss Swan has been fighting cancer for a while…" I hear another gasp coming from the kitchen "she is in phase four and her only chance at surviving would be a transplant, but her blood type is rare so there's not much hope left for her."

"Cancer?" I breathe out finally looking up.

"Yes, she's getting weaker by the day and can't take care of the girl actually we took her from her about a couple of weeks ago when she came to us since she is barely able to take care of herself. The girl is now in Seattle with a foster family while we looked for you."

"How old is she?" Esme cries softly. "She looks older than she should."

"She's five…" Mark answers.

Five? I guessed that much when I saw the picture, but to have it confirmed? This makes even less sense to me, if this was true… if she was who I think… no… who I know she is… she should be two… not five? But again, everything seemed impossible already.

"Five… she looks five, she must grow fast… maybe that's why Bella made her pass by his niece…" Carlisle thinks. "But, how can this be happening?"

"What about… the grandparents?" Carlisle asks next and I'm so grateful I asked them to stay, I couldn't do this… this… this was killing me. This is impossible, it can't be true… am I dead and didn't even noticed when it happened? Or have I finally lost it?

"Charles Swan died almost three years ago…" I look up again with a start "animal attack or something," Mark explains

I burry my face in my palms.

"Oh God!" Esme cried. "Charlie died?!"

"Yes, and Miss Swan cut ties with her mother because apparently she didn't want her to have the girl in the first place, she wanted her to abort her or give her in adoption since she was all alone but Miss Swan refused."

"What?" I ask bewildered.

"Yes, so you can see the delicacy of this, it is you… or the girl will go to an orphanage or luckily the foster family she is with will take her… but it's up to you, if you can take the package but we understand if you can't… uhmm…"

He looks into the manila folder again and takes out what looks like a letter and gives it to me.

"Miss Swan told me to give you this before you gave an answer." He explains.

I take it with shaking hands and stare at the envelope for a minute, afraid to read its contents.

I can't do this.

…

…

…

"Mr. Jackson, can I offer you something to drink?" Esme says then, probably wanting to give me some privacy and time.

"Sure." He says, and the three of them leave the room.

As soon as I'm out of sight I stand up and run at vampire speed out of the house.

"You are such an asshole!" Alice yells at me… and I know she has seen the picture. "Come back here you idiot!"

Elizabeth.

Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth.

She has my mother's name… and not just her name… she has her nose, her chin, her hair, her eyes.

My eyes.

Apart from the color, which is hers… she has my eyes.

I reach the hill and start pacing.

What did I do?

WHAT DID I DO!

"AGH!" I cry punching a big pine and sending it down the hill. I fall to my knees and grab my hair in frustration, wincing at the waves of pain crashing inside of me.

"What did I do?" I whisper to no one.

I'm scared of opening the letter, afraid to read all the hate, the regret and her loathe against me. How could I be so cruel? How could I leave her after… after that night?

I'm a monster.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it crushing it with one hand.

I deserve this I deserve all the pain, all her anger and her harsh words. I can't believe how I messed everything up I can't believe how I continue to hurt her…

I can't believe I left.

I should have stayed.

Cancer… my angel, she's dying.

I sat on the rock again, and stare at the crumpled letter in my hands.

The envelope is sealed so I know no one read it before.

I can't do this, but I have to.

With shaking fingers… I tear it open and my eyes sting with unshed tears when I see her handwriting. Her scent is faint… but still there, and strong enough to make my throat burn.

Edward,

If you are reading this letter it means you know about Elizabeth by now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to burden you and for any trouble this might bring you, but I had no other option, I tried to find a way to let them find you without compromising you and what I came up with sounded best. I'll understand if it's risking, but I beg you Edward… don't leave her on her own. She needs you more than you could ever imagine, she's growing fast and needs someone like you, not only because of who you are to her but because of what you are. I know I can't say much, the only thing I'll say is that she is so wonderful… she's so much like you, in everything… it's amazing. She is also scared, she doesn't know much about the world and in someone else's hands she could be in danger. I tried to find you, god that's the only thing I've been doing since day one, and when I learned about my sickness, I tried harder, I didn't want to come to you this way but I had no other option, I'm running out of time.

She knows about you, I know it will be hard at first, she doesn't know you and I taught her to be careful with strangers. She's special, please Edward… don't leave her on her own. I know you told me you needed your distractions that day in the forest, but I know you. I know you have a heart, and I know you'll do this, if not for me for her. Even if you don't think so I know you are a good person and I know you must hate yourself right now for leaving, but I don't blame you. I understand your reasons I didn't belong with you so I hold nothing against you. I have no regrets, you gave me the best thing I could ever ask for, if it wasn't for Elizabeth… I'm sure I would have been dead by now. She gave me strength and joy and a reason to continue after Charlie's death. I owe her a lot.

I don't hate you, as god is my witness I can't hate you. I'm not gonna lie, you hurt me, and I suffered a lot when you were gone and I'm mad at you for just leaving like that but I can't hate you. I never belonged with you and I understand that, and now that they found you I'm ready to go and forget everything. Please don't come looking for me, I'm not looking for an apology here, and I left Forks years ago and now I'm leaving Seattle. I want to be on my own for a while, I want to be in peace, the last years have been full of pain as of joy but I'm exhausted and I don't want you or Lizzie to look at me like this. It's for the best, please respect my wishes and don't have Alice looking for me, you are not the only one good at hiding anyway.

Believe me, it hurts to let go of her, it hurts more than my darkest night but is for the best. I don't want her to remember me sick I want her to remember me happy. Please, as a last favor… tell her how much I love her every day, and that I miss her. That she'll always be in my heart and if I had a choice I would never leave her. That she is my sun and I'll always think of her.

She can't sleep without her favorite blanket, so make sure she has it every night, she calls it "Blankie". Her favorite movie is Shrek and she loves apples in thin slices. I think that's all you need to know, the rest you'll figure it out and I know you'll do great, you are great at everything you do and I have faith in you. Lizzie is everything to me please take good care of her.

I'm struggling to find a good way to end this letter, as saying just goodbye to you is not enough and there are so many things I wish I could say but I'm afraid I'll never end. I guess I can only resume it in this way.

I love you. No matter what I always will, our time together was the second best thing that ever happened to me, especially that night as it gave me the best thing that ever happened in my life, and no matter how it ended I don't regret it. So don't worry about me, you don't have to feel guilty about anything.

My heart is shaped in a little 5 year old girl.

Look after my heart I've left it with you.

Forever yours,

Bella.

This is worse… this is a thousand times worse than what I expected.

Elizabeth…

I close my eyes, and the only thing I can see is the beautiful face of this sweet little angel from the picture smiling at me.

It kills me.

The pain I feel is a thousand times worse than my change.

How could I ever walk out on them?

Sure, I didn't know about her but… I walked out on Bella the very next day.

My mind was made up after her birthday party incident, and when she asked me for her only birthday wish from me… I had faltered, I wasn't sure I could leave. She was my everything so I thought we could try, maybe we could get through it all. I had hoped for everything to turn out alright, and it did… at first… but then, I saw the bruises and I had no other choice. I had to leave or I'd end up killing her at some point.

I left her a few hours later, when she came home from school.

"I don't want you anymore." I had said, only a few hours after we made love for the first time.

As I said, I'm a monster.

I don't deserve them…

Elizabeth…

I failed her too.

"Please Edward… don't leave her on her own."

But she needs me, I'll think about what I did later… right now… she needs me. Bella trusted me with her.

And as crazy as it sounds… I think I need her more.

It's incredible, I still can't wrap my head around the idea, I still think I'm dreaming and I don't know how I feel about it. I just know I need her with me, I'm scared to death and I don't know what I'm getting myself into, but I need that little girl.

I don't know how to call what I'm feeling, it's as if suddenly I needed oxygen to live and she was my only source. I need to see her I need to know that she's real.

With that last thought in my mind, I stand up and I run back to the house.

I check my watch and I realized I've been out for half an hour, I hope Marks is not gone yet and I run faster.

Two minutes later I walk into the living room, everyone is there and I ignore their angry yells and questions on their minds.

"I'll do it." I tell Mark as soon as he sees me and he smiles at me.

"I was hoping you'd say that Mr. Cullen. Now, I need to talk to you privately so we can make arrangements."

My family stands up, and they all leave the room. Well all but Alice, she throws me deadly glare before she follows the rest of them.

As soon as we are as alone as we could be, I start with my questions.

"Tell me about her." I beg.

"Well, I've only seen her a few times… but from what I can tell she is very shy I don't think I've ever heard her speak."

I frown… well… she is supposed to be two… she shouldn't be able to talk yet… but Bella said she grows fast? Is that why she looks like a five year old then?

"Yes, and she was really close to Miss Swan… god, when they said goodbye it was really heartbreaking… she wouldn't stop crying."

I'm not able to hide the pain on my face when I see the scene playing in his mind, I almost let out a sob but I hold it.

"Where is Bella?" I say in a strangled voice.

"I don't know sir, she sold her apartment after we found you… she made sure we had you and then disappeared."

I burry my faces in my palms to hide whatever emotions are playing on it.

"Please respect my wishes."

What should I do?

"You really have no idea where she went?" I ask hopefully.

Maybe Carlisle can treat her maybe we could find a better doctor… maybe… maybe… I can save her.

"I'm sorry sir, I don't."

"What about a phone number?" I ask then.

"I'm sorry I'm not allowed to give you personal information."

"Why not?" I ask, but I already picked the number from his mind.

"Rules and Miss Swan also requested for privacy."

Damn it!

"What type of cancer does she have?"

"Leukemia, she needs a bone marrow transplant."

Leukemia?

Oh god.

"What are the odds?" I ask in a whisper.

"The doctor's say three months, maybe less… the only hope she has is a transplant but even then, it's not very likely she'll survive it. Besides… with Miss Swan's blood type the chances of a transplant happening are very low."

I shut my eyes close and place my forehead in my palms, trying to fight the waves of pain storming my heart.

"Can I talk to her?"

"I'm sorry sir, she requested to be left alone… she didn't want us to give you any personal information."

Of course not, not matter what that letter says she must loathe me… she must had finally realized the monster I was.

"Where's the girl?" I whisper cried.

"As I said she's with a foster family in Seattle," He says slowly "we might be able to bring her in two days. If that's not too soon for you?"

I shake my head.

"Can't she be on a plane tonight? I'll pay for it." I urge.

"Sorry Sir," He smiles sadly "But, there's still protocol we must follow and it's late. You'll have her here on Friday morning, I promise."

I nod, not able to form more sentences.

"Good, now I need you to sign a few things… you'll officially be her tutor so you'll have all says on her living and education. I know you are young Mr. Cullen so we really admire you taking responsibility of the child. And you have a nice family, I'm sure they'll help you."

"Thank you." That's all I can say.

We go through some paper work and when everything is signed. When he is about to leave he suddenly shifts awkwardly on his seat, and I try to compose my face when I read what he is about to say.

"You might expect a call… as soon as Miss Swan passes away… she already took care of everything so you won't have to worry about funerals… and you know… the rest."

My eyes sting with unshed tears again, and I'm about to lose it again. Thankfully, Esme and Alice walk in. Distracting Mark with questions about the girl, and I take the time to compose myself.

She can't die… no, she can't.

Without Mark noticing, I take out the file with Bella's medical record and memorize her doctor's name and the hospital where she had been treated, and then I quickly scan the next page with her address in Seattle. Before Mark is finished with his first sentence I place the papers back on the folder.

"She was wearing a Hello Kitty shirt when I met her… so I guess she'd like that."

"Hello Kitty." Esme nods "Do you know anything else?"

"Mhmm, not really… she doesn't talk much… and according to Mrs. Anderson she hasn't been eating much either so I don't know what she would like to eat either. I know she likes fruits though, I saw Miss Swan giving her apples once."

"So she eats." Carlisle thinks from the kitchen "and grows fast… I wonder what else is different."

"Poor Elizabeth… she must be suffering… Damn you Edward! I never knew you'd do something like that!" Alice berates me then and I so do not want Mark to leave.

"Well, I gotta go… I have plane to catch back to Seattle. I'll call you tomorrow morning Mr. Cullen with all the details about Friday."

"Thank you Mr. Jackson."

"Thank you Sir, the girl really needs a family… you are the only thing she's got."

My insides shrink in pain again.

"I walk you to the door." Esme says trying to compose her voice.

When Marks is gone, the house is silent until we can't hear his car anymore.

Then I'm thrown against the wall and I fall to the floor with a loud bang.

"YOU FUCKED MY SISTER AND THEN DUMPED HER?!" Emmett hollers as I try to push him off of me but instead he punches me square in the face "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"Emmett!" Carlisle yells as I finally manage to push Emmett off of me and he crashes against the window, breaking it and falling in the backyard.

"STOP! NOW!" Esme cries as Jasper takes a hold on me and uses his power to calm me and Emmett and Carlisle grabs Emmett before he can strike again.

"I used to pity you! But now? You deserve all the pain! How could you?!" Emmett says angrily.

"Is none of your fucking business!" I yell back.

"It is if you mistreat a woman! Especially my sister!" He says, his thoughts going back to Rosalie's change.

"It wasn't like that! And I'm not discussing this with you!"

"Edward, how could you be so cruel." Alice cries harshly while Rosalie seethes next to her calling me all kinds of names in different languages.

"I'm sorry! I-I… you wouldn't understand…"

"Everyone calm down now… it's not the time or your place to ask for answers, it's been a shock for all of us but we are a family and Edward needs us. Elizabeth will be here in two days, so we must prepare." Carlisle says with his never ending patience and compassion.

Two days.

And finally, I lose it.

I fall on my knees and a let out a strangled sob. Jaspers runs out of the room and Esme comes to kneel in front of me, enveloping me in a motherly hug.

"It'll be Ok Edward… it'll be Ok." Esme cries even on her mind.

"I'm so sorry." I apologize, for what? I have no idea. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Is Ok Edward… I'm not judging, we won't judge." She glares at my other siblings. "We'll help you figure things out."

"I-I ha-have-e a a-" I cry, not able to finish the sentence, it's still so surreal.

"I know… and she's so beautiful." She hugs me harder, soothing my back with her hand. "Such a miracle."

"I don't know if I can do this… I'm scared…" I tell her against her shoulder.

"We'll help you Edward… you are not alone in this… that little girl is going to be so loved, but you have to put yourself together… you have two days."

Two days.

"I don't want to fail her again."

"You won't, I know you are strong and you are going to be what she needs, and right know… she… she needs her father, she's about to lose her mommy and you need to be there for her."

"But… I don't want her to lose her mommy… I-I don't want to lose her!" I cry out "I can save her."

"Honey, I don't think she wants to be saved…" Esme says sadly.

That's what I was afraid to hear, I knew I would eventually lose her forever. But never in my darkest thoughts would I have thought it would be so soon, I thought I would have about 70 years to get used to the idea, and then I would follow her.

But I can't.

Elizabeth.

"But… she wanted me to change her before… why wouldn't she now?"

"I don't know… but if she wanted to, she would have requested it… but you heard what Mr. Jackson said… she wants to be left alone."

But… I can save her, my angel… we can be together again, she said she loved me… in her letter, isn't it enough anymore? Or were those just words so I wouldn't feel bad? Knowing her, she'll put everyone else above her. I hurt her, so is not a surprise she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore… I wanted her to forget me, that was the plan when I told her those horrid words in the forest, did I finally succeed? But even if she doesn't loves me anymore I can still save her. If she wants it I'll give her immortality, she deserves to see Elizabeth grow up, she deserves more… did she finally realize what losing her soul meant and that's why she doesn't want to be changed?

Please… my angel…

I don't want to lose her, I'm so selfish.

"What do I do?" I ask, not having a clue of what to do.

Esme pulls away and stares at me with sad eyes and a small smile.

"Well, first of all… I think there's a guest room we need to redecorate."

Damn Edward you really messed up! What do you think he should do? Should he look for Bella? Why Bella doesn't want to be found?

So, Elizabeth is Renesmee I just changed the name because of the plot not because I have something against the name Renesmee. Besides I always thought it would have been nice to call E and B's daughter after Edward's real mother.

I was amazed by all your theories, some of you even suggested Bella was in a mental hospital! Poor Bella, she did went through a lot this past years!

Next chap we'll have Lizzie finally coming into the story!

PLEASE REVIEW! I really want to know what you guys think!

Saludos!

tpec