I apologize again for the delay, but as some of you know, I'm a college student and have a job at the same time so sometimes my schedule is crazy and I just finished exams last week and you know how that is. With exams finished I think my life will go back to normal somehow, *fingers crossed* but what I guarantee you is that it won't take 3 weeks to update again. I'll still try to post once a week, I'll do my best I promise!

This was also another difficult chapter, that's why I didn't want to rush it and decided to wait until I had my mind free from worries, exams, and work.

Anyway, Enjoy!

WARNING: Mayor Tissue Warning Alert!

SM own everything!

Chapter 13: Reason To Cry

"Reason To Cry" – Takida

All this time
All this time with you
Really loved me
Despite my faults and you knew

And you're not coming back
I got a reason to cry

The bottle's empty
The bottle's empty and cold
Just like I've been
Since I heard that you died alone
Finally home now
And I try to accept that you're gone
Wish I could have
Been there for you all along

With your back against the ground

All I want
All I need
Is to make you breathe
All that I want
All that I need
Is to make you breathe

Yeah you failed somehow
But I know that you tried

And you're not coming back
I got a reason to cry

December 22th– 3 weeks and 6 days left.

"We're going to run all the way to Seattle?!"

I chuckled at Lizzie's expression.

"You won't, I'll take you in my arms."

"But, why?"

I tucked her into her bed and I lay next to her. It was only 8 o'clock but we'll be heading to Seattle at dawn so I wanted her to be well rested as it was going to be a long day.

"The roads are closed as well as the airports because of the snowstorm." I explained "We'll try to go as far as we can by car but when we can't anymore we'll have to run."

"But… it's so far away." She hugged her blankie and doll to her chest.

"Not really, it'll take us about four to five hours to get there but don't worry you'll be fine."

"But, what about you? Don't you get cold?" She asked curiously and I shook my head.

"Nope, and don't worry I'll make sure you are warm enough." I brought the comforter to her chin and kissed her forehead.

"What about Seth?"

"Seth will run too, but he'll leave before because he is slower than us." I lied, in reality Seth would be behind us in his wolf form keeping his distance so Lizzie won't see him.

"But what if he gets lost?" She was really worried "or what if he gets cold too?"

"Are you kidding me?" I poked her tummy "Have you felt his skin? You could fry an egg on it, he won't be cold either and he knows the woods." I tried to calm her unnecessary worries she was so much like her mother.

"Oh, that's true. Why is Seth's skin so hot?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Remember when I told you, me and Uncle Jacob where different?"

She nodded.

"Well, Seth's also like Uncle Jacob. He's not entirely human."

"Really?" Her eyes became wide. "What is he?"

"I can't tell you that, not yet anyway but Seth will one day. Don't worry about it now."

She nodded but was far from satisfied with my answers.

"Well enough with the chat. You need to sleep we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." With a last kiss, I stood up from her bed and went to lower the iron windows.

"Uhm, daddy?" She was suddenly nervous.

"Yes, angel?" I asked going back to sit on her bed.

"Can you stay?" She pleaded with a tiny voice "I don't like sleeping alone."

My heart melted, I wasn't planning on going anywhere anyway. As I had said, I wasn't going to let her out of my sight unless it was really necessary. So when she asked me to stay, it made me feel like she really wanted me here. I knew she didn't like to sleep alone, Jackson had said she was used to sleep with Bella that's why I would most of the time stay with her until she fell asleep, but she never asked me to stay so it meant a lot to me that she would, it showed me she was warming up to me.

"Of course princess, I wasn't going anywhere." I turn of the lamp on her bedside table, lay back on her bed and she scooted closer to me, resting her head over my silent heart.

"I love you." I kissed her hair.

She didn't say it back, but it was Ok too. I knew she needed time, she still hardly knew me and everything was still confusing to her, but much like how I wanted her to call me dad, I also wanted her to say she loved me too. But of course I'd never say it aloud, I didn't want her to say it just because she thought I wanted her to or because she thought she had too, I wanted her to say it when she really felt it.

Sometimes I think that maybe she already does but she is afraid of saying it, like when she first got here and wouldn't talk because she didn't trust us. She is careful and guarded and maybe she needs more reassurance, maybe she needs me to tell her more often that I won't go anywhere or that I won't leave her like I left Bella.

Even if now she knows my reasons for leaving, she had spent the first years of her life without me to her I'm still a stranger who is taking care of her. I know she is warming up to me, and she cares about me but that's just because she has the sweetest heart and gentlest soul. I know that even if she hadn't been born yet, my leaving still affected her life. She was living in a world that didn't make sense to her, in a world where she was the strange one because I wasn't there to guide or show her what was supposed to be her lifestyle. So it's normal for her to feel overwhelmed, confused and distrustful.

Sometime around one in the morning, after making sure her breathes where even and she slept soundly, I disentangled myself from her. Remembering that I needed to talk to Seth about something, I don't want to leave her but it'll just be one minute. By the time Lizzie wakes up Seth would have to be already hidden in the forest so we could go so I had to talk to him now.

I close the door behind me and run outside, there's a heavy snowstorm going on and I'm just wearing a button down shirt but of course it doesn't bother me. If the light coming through the window curtain wasn't answer enough, by hearing Seth's thoughts I knew he was awake.

I knock on the door to the warehouse and he opens it, he's surprised but not at the same time to see me here since he heard my approach.

"What's up?" He asks stepping aside, I take a deep breath preparing myself for the stench before I let myself in.

I look around and see that he has made of this place a small home for himself. It's tiny but he seems to have made it his own. There's a small bed on the corner, a small kitchenette, a table, two chairs and a single couch. All of this gifts from Esme of course.

There's a chest next to the bed where I assume he keeps his clothes and personal stuff that also serves as a bedside table. On top of it he has a lamp and a few framed pictures. He has a picture of him, Leah and Lizzie, another of just him and Lizzie and then a group shot with who I assume is his family, Leah, Sue and Jacob are in it too.

"Edward?" Seth interrupts my snooping.

"Oh, sorry… nice place." I say "You have made good use of it." I say awkwardly.

Yeah, I have a truce with him but that doesn't mean we are best buddies now.

"Thanks," He scratches the back of his head "Esme gave me all these, I told her she shouldn't bother but she insisted."

"I'm glad she did with the storm that's going on right now it would be animal abuse to have you out there." I tried to joke even though it wasn't funny he still chuckled. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something."

He sat on one of the chairs and he motioned to the single couch for me. I sat and looked at him.

"Shoot." He said and I cut to the chase.

"The reason why I'm going to Seattle instead of staying here with Lizzie is because I need to see this person. His name is Mark Jackson, he works for social services and he was the one who found me for Bella."

"Yeah, I met him once." He furrowed his brows thinking about the man "Bella only confided in me what she was doing because of my bond with Lizzie. She never told anyone else she had someone looking for you, she knew Jacob wouldn't let her, he wouldn't want you to have Lizzie, no matter if you where her father or not." He said not looking me in the eye.

I closed my eyes reigning my fury, who the hell did Jacob think he was? Did he really have the guts to attempt to keep Lizzie from me? Was he stupid? Did he have a death wish?

"You Ok?" He asked, looking concerned and I swallowed my anger. Seth wasn't at fault.

"Sorry, it's just… Jacob would have really done that?" I was incredulous, I knew he hated me but this wasn't his business, and Lizzie was mine not his.

He shrugged.

"He's very protective of Bella and Lizzie it's something like an oath. He promised Charlie he would take care of her before he died."

I frowned, my curiosity spiking up.

"What do you mean?"

Seth sighed.

"The day Charlie died, remember Jacob had taken Bella for a ride?" He asked and I remembered Jacob saying this when we met so I nodded.

"That day, Charlie had called Jacob asking him for help. He didn't know what to do with Bella anymore, she was… uhm…" He moved uncomfortable in his seat "depressed because you… you know-"

"Because I left her." I finished for him and he nodded.

"Yeah, so… Charlie had a talk with Jacob. He asked for his help and Jacob promised him he would take care of her and heal her… so that afternoon Jacob took Bella out of her house and brought her to La Push… Sam had called Jacob for something so he left her alone for a few minutes on the beach… when he came back he saw her jump from the cliff." He said carefully and I looked away. Jacob's memories burning through my brain and my chest again.

"Jacob jumped after her, he was scared he had broken Charlie's promise and Bella would drown. In the end he saved her but he still felt guilty for leaving Bella alone and almost breaking Charlie's promise. He took Bella back home so she could change her clothes and that's when Jacob smelled the cold one."

"And he phased in front of Bella." I finished the story for him.

"Yes, I was nearby doing my rounds. As soon as I heard Jacob's thoughts I ran after the vampire on my own since Jacob had to stay to protect Bella. The others were on their way too but where still too far. In the end, the vampire escaped. He threw himself into the ocean, the rain erased the scent so only Jacob and I smelled him."

"You didn't see his face?"

Seth showed me his memories, he could only see the back of the nomad and he was wearing a hoodie.

"No, but I remember his scent clearly. If I run into him again, I know I'll recognize him."

I nodded.

"Good. If you do, you tell me." I said, thirsty to revenge Bella's father.

"I will," Seth said "but sorry, I got us distracted you said you wanted to ask me something?"

I shook my head remembering my first purpose of coming here.

"Yeah, Jackson… so you know him." He nodded "Well, I spoke to him a few days ago and I asked him if he had seen Bella. He said the last time he saw her was a couple of weeks after he brought me Lizzie. He said she was with a woman it wasn't Leah, Sue or Emily so I wanted to ask you if you know if Bella was close to some other woman? Maybe from the city?"

Seth thought for a moment before shaking his head.

"No that I know of, she really kept to herself while she lived in the city and La Push. She didn't want to put Lizzie in danger and the times I guarded them I didn't see her talking to anyone."

My brows furrowed thinking hard.

"Maybe she was a nurse?" He asked "From wherever she's staying now."

I sighed.

"I don't know that's why we are going to Seattle. I need to talk to Mark in person to see this woman through his mind. Then we need to put a name to that face and hopefully we'll find Bella."

He nodded understanding my plan.

"I wish I could be of more help but… the only friends Bella had, at least from the moment she moved to La Push was Emily and maybe Leah… although they didn't really get along. Maybe I can talk to Emily tomorrow as soon as we get to my cousin's house I'll call her."

"Thanks, but make sure she doesn't suspect anything. I can't have your brothers starting a war now. I can't lose time."

"I promise, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

With that I left him to his own and returned to the house. Jasper and Emmett were in the living room watching the late news while Alice moved like a hurricane around the house, fixing flowers and trying to see anything. Esme continued to cook, Rosalie was on the floor flipping through a magazine and Carlisle was on the computer.

"Any news from the Denalis?" I asked him.

"Laurent called, just to check in. So far nothing, they didn't find anything on the west coast so El and Carmen are going north now and he is going south."

I nodded and turned to Jasper, his jumbling thoughts catching my attention.

"What's going on?" I asked, he wore a concentrating look as he watched the TV.

"Another disappearance." He said his eyes not breaking from the TV.

"So?" I asked.

"It's not normal." He mused. "So far they have reported five missing people in two weeks and found three burnt bodies and now they're trying to figure it out if it's related."

"You think is one of us?" I asked him, now paying attention to the news. If there's a newborn loose in Seattle I needed to be extra careful with Lizzie.

He shrugged.

"I don't think so, why would they burn them?" Emmett asked. "They could just throw them into the water."

"To not leave evidence about the drained blood," Jasper responded "but it could still be a band… with the burnt bodies it could be like a symbol or something, besides who would let a newborn loose? And make all this damage?" He asked himself. "With the Volturi it's practically a suicide mission."

I shrugged, if it was the mess of a newborn then it wouldn't take long before the Volturi do something. Hopefully by then we would be out of the city and with Bella safe and sound.

"Oh god Alice!" Rose suddenly slammed her magazine against the floor. "Would you just sit down already? The flowers are fine, you are giving me whiplash." She grunted.

Alice ignored her and continued to move around the house, trying to see what will meet us in Seattle but since Lizzie is coming she can't see much.

"What's your problem?" Jasper asked her with a glare defending his mate "Leave her alone."

Rosalie glared back at him and returned to her magazine. Not liking the vibe in the room, I turned around wanting to go back to my little angel's room. Not wishing for her to wake up and me not being there as I had promised. Besides, I needed to be with her. It was that pull again, as always I needed to know if she was ok.

"We'll leave as soon as Lizzie wakes up." I said heading towards the stairs, knowing she always wakes up around six "I'll be up-"

I was cut short when we heard glass shatter behind me I whipped my face to see Alice standing by the threshold, a base shattered to pieces by her feet. Her eyes were unfocused and her face turned into one full of pain and fear. When I saw what she was seeing, a tremor ran down my body, shaking my form and freezing every nerve and limb in its path.

Her vision ended and everything was black.

No.

No, no, no, no.

"Alice?" Jasper asked standing next to her, but she ignored him and closed her eyes again trying to see as my body shook with utter fear. But everything was black again she tried again a second, and then a third time but nothing. She opened her eyes with a gasp and her eyes locked with mine.

"No!" I screamed.

"Edward…" She whimpered, her hands coming to her mouth and chest in horror.

"No!" I screamed again getting to her face and towering over her. "You are wrong!" I pointed an accusing finger at her.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed.

"No! Look again! We are leaving now! It hasn't happened yet!"

"What's wrong?" Carlisle asked coming into the living room.

"Nothing's wrong! We are leaving now!" I said, refusing to believe what I saw.

I couldn't think clearly, my mind jumbled with horrendous thoughts and that horrid image as I started pacing around the living room.

"Alice, what did you see?" Jasper asked her.

"It's Bella." She cried "I saw her dy-"

"NO!" I screamed at her "Don't say it! It hasn't happened yet! Look again!"

"Edward," Alice cried again but I ignored her "She disappeared."

"Bullshit! That doesn't mean anything! I'm not giving up! Just wait, in a few minutes you'll see her again… You know how your visions work. Nothing is set on stone. She is not dead, she's not dead she's not dead!" I was ranting in hysterics as I paced around the living room.

"Son," Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder with a pained face but I shook it off just as Seth entered the house with wild eyes, wondering what was going on.

"Go back to your laptop!" I ordered Carlisle "We are NOT stopping," She is not dead, I'll know when she's dead. I'll know, I'll feel it in my heart "we are leaving now, Esme wake up Lizzie."

"What happened?" Seth asked not being able to make heads and tails about what was happening.

"I saw Bella… she was-"

"No!" I screamed not letting her finish her sentence and then I felt Jasper trying to work his gift on me but I glared at him "She is not dead," I pulled at my hair and started sobbing "you are wrong, you'll see her soon, she's just… she is hiding. You'll see her, she is not dead… you'll see her… she's, she's just sleeping" I couldn't even make a sense of my own words "the call, the hospital. She'll be back… just wait you'll see her." I nodded to myself, grasping at whatever string of hope I had left.

"Edward," Esme kneeled next to me, I didn't notice when I ended on my knees "I'm sorry, it's going to be Ok." She hugged me but I stood up again.

"What? No, don't say that! I told you, she is not dead!"

She looked at me with red and sad eyes.

"I'll wake up Lizzie, we are leaving now." My voice shook badly.

"Edward…" Alice whispered with a broken voice "I'm so sorry… I can't see her anymore, she is not coming back. She gave up, I-I saw her-"

She was cut short when the phone in the living room rang.

The house became deadly silent, no one moved an inch or even breathed for a few seconds. The phone rang a third time and Carlisle slowly moved to answer it.

"Don't!" I screamed at him, taking the phone away from him and accidentally smashing it with my hand "It's just a wrong number… we changed houses, no one calls us ever, no one knows our number." I started looking for poor excuses, still in denial. I can't lose her, I can't. "Everyone pick up their things!"

I was truly panicking now as the rings of the other phones in house drilled a hole in my brain through my ears and my family stared at me with those looks. I hated those looks, I hated the pity, the pain and the concern in their eyes. But most of all, I loathed the reason behind their looks.

"We are leaving now!"

Why isn't anybody moving?!

The ringing stopped then and Carlisle's voice was heard on the answering machine.

"You have reached the Cullens, please leave a message and we'll call you back."

Beep.

"Good evening my name is nurse Miller, I'm calling from the Harborview Medical Center in Seattle looking for a Mr. Edward Cullen regarding Miss Isabella Swan. Please contact us as soon as possible."

The world stopped, I couldn't even hear the wind outside the house.

Everything, just stopped.

…

…

…

No.

No no no no no no.

The pressure in my chest increased a tenfold, it was as if suddenly I needed air to breathe. I felt as if from nowhere, some part of me went missing, something was missing. I needed air, I need… something. My throat was closing, painfully so.

No, this can't be it.

No, she can't.

This must be some kind of a sick joke Alice is playing on me. Rosalie must be on it to, she could have faked the nurses voice. Yeah, that had to be it. I'll prove it.

With a shaking hand, I took my phone from my pocket. The eyes of my entire family feeling heavy on my shoulders. I looked through my small list of contacts and dialed the only number that could be my salvation.

"Hello?" Someone's grave voice answered.

"Who's this?"I said imitating Seth's voice, not caring if he was here but I didn't had the time or the heart for a fight if Billy or whoever was on the other line wasn't in the mood.

"Oh Seth! Oh god, it's Paul. I guess you heard the news already?"

"The news?" I stammered.

"Poor Emily, she's devastated… she loved her so much, you can only imagine how Jacob is, he went nuts at first it hit him hard." Paul said in a sad voice, and I couldn't speak anymore. Suddenly I was panting, still needing that missing part of me that was suddenly gone.

"Jacob?" Was all I could ask, I needed Jacob to tell me, to assure me all was a lie. That I heard wrong.

"He's not here, he went to Seattle to pick up the body at the hospital with Emily and Billy, Leah just took off… she said she had to go and see Kaya. I'll tell him you-"

I hung up.

I had heard enough.

I stared at the phone in my hands, my mind in blank not knowing what to do next. I couldn't look up and meet their eyes, I didn't dare to go upstairs and see her face, I couldn't look around and face the reality.

It was like time had ended, like the universe stopped.

"Ed-" Esme started with a soft voice but I didn't let her finish, as fast as lighting I was out of the door.

"Leave him alone." Was the last thing I heard Carlisle tell my brothers.

With an excruciating pain in my chest, that burned a whole where my heart used to beat, I ran. I ran and I ran as fast as I could go. Like a ghost, a broken spirit in the darkest of the frozen forest. The storm was at its worst now, shaking the forest like my own inner storm breaking my heart and shaking everything inside me.

I was late.

I didn't make it.

I failed her again.

Bella, Bella Bella Bella. My Bella, my angel. Why?!

WHY?!

Alice's visions started playing in my mind again. Punishing me, burning and frying my brain. The blood, the blood coming from her wrist, I'll never see something as horrifying as that. Her face, it was alien to me but at the same time it was her. Her hollowed cheeks and eyes, her small frame… nothing of what was my angel was left. But yet, she was the most beautiful thing to me, at her worst she'll always be the second most beautiful creature in the world.

But the vision before me was so horrifying, so, so… so sick, so wrong. If she wanted to die… it shouldn't have to be like this. She shouldn't have died alone, I… I-I should have been there with her, making her feel better, making sure she didn't suffer, loving her and doting on her until she took her last breath.

But I wasn't there, and she didn't have a peaceful death. She gave up, she didn't wait for me. Did she hate me so much? Did she prefer to die alone, in pain and just… suffering as long as I stayed away?

What about our daughter!

I was mad now, mad at her, mad at me, mad at God and the world. My fist connected with a stone wall at the foot of the mountain, a line cracked where my fist hit, stretching and stretching upwards as a thunder like sound echoed in the forest.

I screamed in pain, another kind of pain, the physical kind and when I retreated my fist I saw why. My hand had cracked too, my knuckles deforming and slowly going back to their original shape. Even though it hurt, it felt so good so I didn't licked my wounds, I didn't want the venom to heal me. I needed the pain, I needed this, I needed something to overcome the torturous and agonizing pain in my chest. So I continued to slam my fists into the wall, letting my frustrations, anger and pain come through my fists, as my daughter's face and hers run wildly in my mind. It's Ok if I suffered, it's Ok if I was in pain I deserved it for what I did. But Elizabeth doesn't, she shouldn't pay for my mistakes, she's so good, innocent and pure she shouldn't suffer because of my stupidity.

There was a hole deep into the wall by now and my hands where cracked too but that didn't stop me, what stopped me where the iron like arms caging me and stopping me from hurting myself more. Emmett held me tight as I tried to break free, but he was so strong and bigger than me, then I felt Jasper's hands on my chest and shoulders as he tried to calm me, so my anger turned into numbness.

I fell to my knees and deep sobs broke through my chest, I knew my brothers were saying something but I couldn't or wouldn't hear them and I didn't care what they had to say.

I didn't make it.

I was too late.

She's gone.

"Bro, it's going to be Ok." Emmett whispered, still holding me to him. "It's Ok."

"Edward?" That was Jasper, but I couldn't concentrate on him, I could only hear and see her face, the blood and her pain.

"What did I do?" I whispered brokenly.

"Edward, it's almost dawn… Lizzie."

At the sound of her name, another round of sobs broke though me.

My little angel, what am I going to tell her? I had promised I'd bring her momma back. She knows I left, would she hate me now? Would she finally realize the monster I was? I don't deserve her I don't deserve to even exist. I shouldn't be here she should be here instead of me. I'm a monster I killed her it was my fault. I killed the only thing that ever mattered in my life I killed the only person that ever loved me, the only person who saw beyond what I was. I killed the only person who could bring me to back life. All my existence I asked for a miracle, for a reason behind my existence, for a salvation. I got it and I was stupid enough to let it go. My love, my Bella… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

"I'm sorry…" I cried to the sky, wishing with everything I had she could hear me wherever she was and believe my pleads. "I'm so-o so-orry-y!" I continued to cry for her as the storm shook the forest around us.

All this time away from her, was a waste… all the sadness and my pain were nothing in comparison to what I felt now. Now, I really had a reason to cry.

The sight of her back against the ground, still, pale and lifeless will forever be burned into my memory.

She's not coming back.

She's gone.

Jasper's cell vibrated in his pocket and he walked away to attend to it as Emmett released me.

"Kill me." I turned him, but he shook his head.

"Kill me!" I begged him "Please! Punch me! Do something!"

"Edward… don-"

"You promised! You said if something happened to her you'd kill me!"

"Edward, calm down!"

"Hit me!" I pushed him, trying to provoke him. "Punch me! Break my arm, throw me against the wall! Set me on fire!"

Emmett glared.

"What about your daughter!"

I winced.

"She'd be better without me." I turned around, not wanting him to see the remorse in my face.

"Bella trusted you with her!"

"And as always, she was wrong! I can't do it! Not without her!"

"Don't be weak!" He was on my face now "Don't walk away just because things are hard now, don't make the same mistakes! Learn from them!"

I winced, his words hitting me hard.

"I can't do it, I need her."

"Yes you can, you were doing better than I expected before. Bella could have left her with the wolves and never told you about her but she didn't. She wanted you to raise her, she trusted you with her. Do it for her, it's the least she deserves."

I fell to my knees again and buried my face in my palms, this can't be happening, this must be some kind of a nightmare. Maybe I died fighting Victoria and now I was in hell.

I heard Jasper curse and we both turned to look at him.

"What happened?" I asked as he tried to block his mind.

"We have to head back, Lizzie is up."

"What happened?" I pressed, knowing he was hiding something.

He looked torn, but spoke anyway.

"She was asking for you, and…" he sighed and then I caught a glimpse of fury in his eyes "Rose told her."

"Fuck." Emmett cursed, but his voice was already far away as I ran like a bat out of hell through the forest. The sun was coming up, as I tried to beat him into the house.

From a long distance I could hear Lizzie's cries, as well as all the arguing going in the house. Seth and Alice were having some heavy words with Rosalie as Esme tried to comfort Lizzie and Carlisle acted as peacemaker. It didn't matter what they had to say, I had made up my mind already.

Emmett was right.

I entered the house with Jasper to my right, Emmett immediately stood in front of Rose but I didn't care. It was useless as my plans were different.

"Edward, I was just-" Rose tried to defend herself but I ignored her. I didn't want to snap at her and make things worse for Lizzie, right now she was my number one, my only concern.

She had her eyes closed and was curled up on Esme's lap, her body shaking violently with her sobs. It broke my heart to tiny pieces, and as I stared at her frame Bella's vision came back as it reminded me so much to hers. She looked so scared, lonely, fragile and vulnerable and Emmett's words in the forest finally sunk in.

From now on, Lizzie would be my entire life. Bella's death is slowly killing me all over again, it shook me to the core of my bones and I know I'll never be the same and I have to accept it, I have to accept that she is gone and I can't do anything about it. Even if it will almost kill me I have to accept it, for Lizzie. Because I've also made a promise, to her and to our daughter.

From now on, I'd devote my whole existence to make our daughter happy and keep her safe. She was the only thing I had left from her, the best part. I failed to protect what I loved the most once, I won't ever make the same mistake again. Nothing would ever be about me anymore it would be about this little angel in front of me.

I kneeled in front of Esme, and carefully placed my hand on Lizzie's back. She stiffened and turned to me.

"Daddy?" She whimpered with rivers still falling down her cheeks. "Daddy!" She cried harder as she threw herself to me and I held her tighter and closer to me as my sobs matched hers.

Desperately she touched my cheek, showing me what Rosalie had told her and begging me to tell her she was lying.

"It's going to be Ok," I said over her cries and my sobs, that I just couldn't control "Shh… it's going to be Ok." I kissed her hair and she cried harder.

"MOMMA!" She screamed, calling her. "MOMMA!"

"Lizzie, listen to me… it's going to be Ok."

"No! I-I wa-ant…" She could finish her sentence as she was hyperventilating now. "MY MO-OMMA-A!"

I stood up from the floor with her still crying her guts out in my arms and I ran upstairs to her room. Closing the door behind us and lying us in her bed.

"Shhh… I'm here, I'm sorry… it's going to be Ok." I continue trying to soothe us both. I hated that I couldn't be strong enough for her, I hated she saw me cry too but I couldn't help it. So I let go too, not caring anymore about appearance. I was dead inside, and I needed to get all the pain out too.

So instead of controlling my feelings, I let them out too… and we both cry and cry together. Both of us mourning for the person who meant the most to us in the world, we cried and cried until she fell asleep from exhaustion and I fell into a numbness, staring out of the window as the storm winded down and the sun slowly came up, but still stayed hidden behind the thick dark clouds.

A couple hours later, Alice knocked softly and with a monotone voice I whispered for her to come in.

"Hi," She said in a small voice, her eyes were so sad I had to look away "Jasper can't take it anymore" she winced "So we are going for a walk into town, do you need anything?"

I nodded, and told her to get me a few things from the town. Having an idea for when Lizzie woke up.

"How are you?"

I shrugged, she knew how I was.

"I'm so sorry Edward."

"Me too." I kissed my daughter's hair.

If it wasn't for her, I would be in Italy by now. I still entertained the idea after Emmett refused to kill me, but after seeing Elizabeth so broken in Esme's lap, it was like a wakeup call. This isn't about me, it never was. I couldn't continue to be so selfish, Lizzie was the only one that mattered now, and I couldn't leave her, I couldn't do that to her. She was just a little girl, an innocent from all this mess I caused and as crazy as it sounds, she needs me… and now, I needed her more than ever.

"I failed her Alice." I whisper cried.

"You did the best you could… this isn't your fault."

"It is… at least… I should have been there with her made it easier for her… she shouldn't have suffered through it."

She was quiet, letting me get it all out.

I took Lizzie's hand and placed it on my cheek, closing my eyes and watching my daughter's dream. She was running in the forest, chasing some animals. It calmed me somewhat that at least she was having a peaceful sleep.

"I wish… I wish I could take it all back, I wish.., I wish I could go back in time." I started crying quietly again. "I-I wish I had been there, holding her hand as she closed her eyes… no, I wish I could just… make her breathe again."

"I'm sorry I wish I could do something."

"What really sucks, it's that I'm not the only one suffering…" I looked down to my sleeping angel "I know she'll hate me one day." I kissed her forehead.

"She won't, she'll understand… it wasn't your fault Edward, Bella was human these things… happen."

"I could have stopped it."

If I hadn't left in the first place, she wouldn't have doubted me… she would have been one of us a long time ago. God has a funny sense of humor. He knew what I wished for all my life even thought I didn't deserve it and he gave it to me just to take it away like that. Just because I tried to be the good guy, I tried to think of her and do what was best for her by leaving, and he does this? He makes suffer two innocent people because of my actions? Because of what I am? He knows it would kill me to see this so maybe that why he did it. This is the way he is making me pay for my sins, by granting me my wishes only to take them away in a blink of an eye and making me suffer by hurting the people I love.

But that's enough I won't let him do the same with Lizzie. Not even he will be able to take her away from me. I'll never be away from her, and I'll fight anything and anyone who threatens her in the slightly.

She is mine.

In that moment, I swore to myself that after we come through this Lizzie won't ever shed another single tear. There'll never be another frown between her brows or another sad smile on her face. I'll give her anything she wants, the entire world if she wants it and I'll do anything she asks for as long as it doesn't endanger her. A hair won't ever be out of place and her cheeks will ever be flushed with blood and she'll never be thirsty again.

From now on, my life won't be mine anymore. It'll be hers I didn't have a life anymore anyway. You couldn't even say I was alive.

"You are leaving." Alice stated, and I couldn't look at her.

"I thought you couldn't see Lizzie."

"I can't, but I can see the rest of us but you, Seth and her."

I nodded.

"I'm bringing Seth with us, he's good with her."

"Don't go, I know is hard but… please… Esme will be devastated."

"My daughter comes first, we need time for us… and I warned Rosalie. It's for the best, and it'll only be for a while."

"Running away won't make things better."

"I know, that's not what I'm doing… I need… to clear my head, I need to spend time with my daughter, we need to heal."

"I'm sorry."

"Not more than I am."

"Will you go to… her grave after the funeral?"

I shook my head.

"Marks said she wanted to be incinerated, Jacob was supposed to throw the ashes into the woods."

"Oh."

"I think it's better that way, I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of her tomb. It would make it more real."

"Edward, but it is real."

I shrugged again.

"It still doesn't feel like it." I whispered so low I'm not sure even Alice heard me. "I still can't let go."

We stayed quiet after that, and she left us to go into town with Jasper. A couple hours later, Lizzie stirred in her sleep and I knew she'd be up in a few minutes. I dreaded it, I didn't want her to wake up from her happy dreams to this hell but I knew I couldn't do anything about it. I guess we'll have to face this together, maybe that's the only way we'll get through it.

Lizzie rolled to her side and let out a sigh I kissed her forehead and brought my hands to her face rubbing my thumb over her cheek. With another sigh, she fluttered her eyes open. As soon as her eyes met mine, I saw it in them that the hours prior came back to her and he face morphed into one full of pain and she started crying quietly again.

I never wanted to kill a woman like this before, at the moment I'm not sure which one I longed to kill more Victoria or Rosalie. At least Victoria thinks she has a reason, but Rosalie was just selfish as always.

"Shh… I'm sorry angel." I kissed her hair again "I'm so sorry, it's going to be ok."

"I want momma." She whimpered.

"I know me too." I shut my eyes closed, fighting the pain. I needed to be strong for our daughter.

Angel, please give me strength. I guess you can hear me now? Do you? Do you see how much we need you? I love you, I'm so sorry I failed you.

After a while, Lizzie quieted down and I brought us to a sitting position.

"Better?" I asked as I dried her cheeks with kisses.

She shook her head no and looked down.

"It'll be Ok." I brushed her hair away from her face "I promise."

"Are you going to… to leave me now?" She looked scared and my eyes widened.

"What?! No, of course not. Why would you even think that?"

She shrugged and I sighed.

"Come, I have a surprise for you."

I picked her in my arms again and went downstairs, thankfully my family knew better and everyone retreated to their own rooms to give us some space. I entered the living room and walked us to my piano. On top of it was a box with the stuff I had asked Alice for. I sat Lizzie on the top of the closed lid and started taking the stuff out of the box. She stared at me curiously, and at the contents I kept taking out. Her eyes were still red but at least she wasn't crying for the moment.

"What's all these?" She asked in a tiny voice as she picked up a tube with pink glue glitter.

"Remember what you asked for in the meadow?" I asked taking the last items out of the box and placing the green paints next to her. As soon as she saw it her eyes became wide and I chuckled.

"I thought, you would want to do it today. We can do it together."

"Really?" She was crying again and I kissed her forehead and cheeks.

"Lizzie, now that… now that she's… gone" I forced myself to say the words "you are the only important thing in my life. I want to make you happy, and if painting my piano green makes you smile even for a second I'd get you a thousand more pianos to make it last longer."

"I just want momma with us." She cried to my chest and I bit my lip, not letting my own sobs break me.

"I know, believe me… me too. But, she's not here anymore. I'm sorry for the way you found out… but, I promise I'll spend the rest of my existence making it up to you."

"I miss her."

"I know, and I also know that I'll never be able to replace you mother, I don't even want to she'll always be your mother but the least I can do is try to attempt to fill that hole in your life. I'll always be there for you, I promise I'll take care of you and give you anything you need. I'll never ever leave you, I can't you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I love you, not just because I'm your dad, I just do and I prefer to die than have anything happen to you. You understand that?"

She nodded.

"Good. Now tell me, what shade of green you think is best for my piano?" I poked her nose and she gave me a small smile as she looked down to all the things scattered around her.

She picked up one of the green paint containers and showed it to me, I gave her a brush and both of us started to work. At first we were quiet, as both of us stroked with our brushes over the lid of what used to be my beloved grand white piano. Funny how I didn't care anymore, as long as it distracted her from everything else. She had a peaceful expression, her eyes following the brush as she stroked in circles.

"What else do you think we should do?" I asked her, wanting her to talk and not think too much.

"Uhm… we can paste pictures? And put glitter around them?"

I took the stack of pictures Alice had put in the box and stared at them. Some of them I didn't know when she took them but others I remembered, some of them where from that day on the meadow when we did snow angels, others were from both of us at my piano or on the couch watching Shrek. Most of them where candid, and I just loved them all, I'll need to ask her for copies.

"I like this one." I showed her the one in the meadow and she smiled.

"Me too, I have one like this with mommy, but we are making snow mans instead." She whispered.

"I know, you showed it to me when you showed me your treasure's box. You want to use those too?"

She nodded.

Alice suddenly appeared on the doorway with Lizzie's treasure box and gave it to me before disappearing again.

Lizzie opened her box and took the photos out, scattering them around the unpainted surface. By now her pajamas were a mess but if she didn't care neither do I, as long as she is happy and comfortable.

"What where you doing here?" I asked showing her a picture of her and Bella in a small kitchen at their cabin. I wanted her to talk, to get it all out. The sooner she did it, the sooner she let go of her pain the sooner she'll start to heal.

"Momma and I were making cupcakes for Uncle Jake."

"That sounds like fun, was there a special occasion?"

"It was his birthday, and we wanted to make something special."

"Did you like to cook with mom?"

She nodded as a single tear fell from her cheek.

"Why?"

"She was happy when she cooked. She said she liked it."

"I don't really know how to cook, I never needed it… but I can learn." I offered but she shook her head.

"It was something mommy and I did. Even if sometimes I didn't like what she cooked." She made a face and I chuckled softly. "But I like running with you, that's fun too." She offered with a shy smile.

I still made a mental note to watch the food network more often.

When my entire piano was covered in a thick layer of light green, Lizzie and I started with the glitter, making shapes, loops and whatever she wanted. I had to admit it was fun, not the painting but spending the time alone with my daughter. We talked more about Bella, she told me some stories and I told her some of my own. We cried some more but laughed too. She laughed when I told her about the Biology incident, when Bella fainted at the sight of blood and when I told her about the thousand times she tripped in gym or hurt anyone else.

"That sounds like mommy." She wiped her eyes, leaving a stain of green across her cheek. I took a tissue from a box nearby and cleaned her face.

"Lizzie, what do you think if we take a small vacation?" I asked as I whipped her face clean.

"A vacation?"

"Yes, is there any place in the world you'd like to go?" I threw the tissue away and turned to look back at her. "Anywhere?"

She thought for a moment.

"For how long?"

I shrugged.

"Just for a while, Seth will come too of course."

I saw her relax a little bit.

"Uhm, I don't know… I've never been anywhere."

"Do you wish you could visit some place?"

She thought again.

"Momma always talked about the sun, she said she loved it when she lived with her mommy."

"You want a sunny place?" I smiled sadly at her.

She nodded again and I thought about it.

"What about the beach?" I offered thinking about Isle Esme, I'm sure Esme and Carlisle wouldn't mind us using it for a while.

Her eyes shined a little.

"I've never swam in the ocean, momma wouldn't let me."

"Then it's settled, we'll have fun I promise and then we can go any other place you want." I kissed her glittered nose. "We can also work something out for you to start those ballet lessons you want so much."

She gave me a genuine smile this time.

"Really?" Her eyes filled with tears.

"Really, I want you to have and do anything you want."

"Thank you." She looked down. "I wish mommy would come with us, she would have loved it so much." More tears fell down her cheeks.

"Hey," I hugged her closer to me "she will be, she'll see us. I bet she is seeing us right now too and I'm sure she wouldn't like to see you cry. She'd want you to be happy and smiling and giggling." I started tickling her and she started giggling through her tears "That's better." I nuzzled her cheek. "I love you, princess."

She looked up to me, her eyes were red from tears and sad, but the was something else I couldn't decipher, something lighter… maybe hope?

"I love you too, daddy." She whispered.

*Runs away for my life*

Hi! I had to come back and re-edit the author's note because of some PM's I've been receiving, if you don't like spoilers LOOK AWAY:

Please read the signs! Re-read New Moon if you want to, The call? The vision? Please have faith in me! I promised a HEA! That's all I will say since I don't want to really spoil this for you, one reader actually foresaw what happened to Bella in chapter 11 and she got it right!

If this is to angsty for you I understand, but I stand by my word, this is story is BxE and it HAS a HEA.

Saludos!

tpec