The fragments of my dreams are gone

My eyes open in surprise. My breath's shallow as Kai backs away. A smile takes over, like a cat that's caught its prey. An inner voice mocks the thoughts I had.

Kai looks over his shoulder where Romero appears in the doorway - our sneaky eavesdropper.

"Were you just going to watch?" Kai says, all too pleased with himself.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to manage Kay without having to deal with you as well? I get one minute alone - just the one, mind you - and here comes the chef like a bat out of hell, lecturing me on food safety."

I look at the counter behind me. Some of the dishes have domes, while others are left open. Those will have to be discarded if we've touched them. Not to mention the food that's getting cold.

"The dinner can't start without you. Everyone is waiting, but here you are, teasing poor Hilary. Just look at her," Romero sighs, long thin fingers rubbing a single spot on his head. I thought I'd seen the entire spectrum of his emotions until now, everything from excited to exasperated. This is the first time I've ever seen him look worn down. He seems dull even in his crisp black suit, complete with a red rose in his lapel pocket. His shoulders slump and his honey-colored waves fall flat around his drawn face. The price of working with Kay.

At his words, I look down at myself. I don't look any different. My dress isn't askew, and my hair hasn't been touched. I bring a hand to my cheek; it's warm even to me, and I concluded he must be talking about my expression.

When Kai says nothing, he continues, "Do you have no sympathy? Are you hell-bent on torturing me?"

"Torturing you?" Kai finally snaps.

"You know, when you invited me down here, I was only supposed to help with this charade. Not be your family's on-call party planner."

Kai ignores Romero's complaints in favor of straightening out his jacket and tie, though I don't know what he's fixing. He still looks perfect.

Turning to Romero, I paste my best smile. "I think the party is beautiful. Especially since it was done last second."

He bows his head in return. "Finally, someone who recognizes my efforts. Thank you, Hilary. I've worked so hard. Kay is absolutely a nightmare." He holds out a flat hand, blocking his mouth from Kai's view. "It must be a family trait," he loudly whispers.

I couldn't agree more, I think as our gazes simultaneously shift to Kai. He's as unbothered by the accusation as always. "Did I ever say I wasn't," he mutters.

Well, there's no time to waste," Romero goes on. He throws an arm over each of our shoulders and pushes us out of the kitchen. "We'll be announcing dinner as soon as you rejoin the group. And hopefully, by the end of the night, the chef won't feel like skinning me alive," Romero continues. The jubilance has returned to his voice, but I feel he's more serious than he lets on. This feeling only increases, merging with guilt as we pass the previously evicted kitchen staff waiting in the hall. I try to convey my apology through my expression, but there's really no time as they rush back in to fix whatever we messed up.

Romero disappears from between us as we get closer to the party. He pushes us back together, our bodies bumping awkwardly at the suddenness. "Look like you made up," he whispers, but then he's gone. It's like he never was there to begin with.

He hooks his arm around my waist, and mine goes around his back, as we were earlier. Now though, the guests aren't as eager to greet us. They smile stiffly. Make sense, really. They all think we just had a massive fight because I was caught cheating on him at his own party and now we're playing nice.

It doesn't last long before the small chime rings around and a waiter opens yet another dining room.

Seriously. I want to scream, "He's one man! Why does he need five dining rooms?"

But I repress it. I've provided enough gossip for tonight already.

Kai holds us back from entering, allowing all of the guests to take their seats first. I crane my head to see inside. There's not one, but two long tables. The place settings are refined and classic. It reminds me of Kai's office at work - cold and lacking personality. At each seat is a name card imprinted with gold foil. They're beautiful, and as people are led to their place, they flip the card over. I see there's something written on the back as well.

I know I won't get a name card, and that makes me a little bitter. I should at least get something for being here.

The line starts to trickle, most of the guests already in their seats, and I straighten my back, preparing to enter on Kai's arm when Romero reappears at my side. Gently, his fingers sweep from my elbow to my hand, taking it and pulling me towards him. "Allow me to show you to your seat," he smiles. Sadly, I know this is his way of treating me special, trying to take away the sting of having everyone watch and realize I'm not the approved one. My heart thumps with shame and embarrassment, yet still grateful for Romero's presence.

Before I can entirely pull away, Kai drags me back. I crash into his chest, bracing myself before I trip. His hand curls around my waist, and I'm dimly aware that we officially have an audience. His free hand comes up and traces my jaw, fingers setting just behind my ear as if he's preparing to physically drag me closer. They feel feather-light and like iron all at once. His eyes lower as he leans in close, kissing my top lip slowly, and I melt. It lasts only for a second. Then, he pushes as if he wants more and then pretends to reluctantly pull himself back.

"Kai?"

He pulls away, eyes on fire and full of challenge. He comes back, and I suck in a breath, bracing myself yet again. His nose skims along my cheek until he reaches my ear.

"You're acting is getting better," he says to me. "You actually looked like you wanted it that time."

Romero coughs behind me. When Kai stands back, releasing me from his hold, all the warmth drains out of me. That dead-look is back - the one he reserves for the cameras. My mouth drops at the abrupt change.

I must look as if he said something scandalous. Playful laughter skitters from those seated and I realize my reaction must be part of his plan. Even as Romero leads me to my seat, I keep turning my head to watch him. I'm lead to the end of the second table, as far from Kai as possible. He still makes a point to find me despite the distance, flashing a flirty smirk across the room. From the outside, we must look like starcrossed lovers, torn apart by evil forces. This image is only helped by his coldness towards the companion to his left. Mathilda.

She tries to smile at him, but he ignores her. It's such an apparent dismissal that if I weren't on the inside, I'd think he hated her.

Kai certainly knows how to play the crowd. Romero's done wonders for our public PR, and now Kai works over the business associates. They're a scary pair.

Soichiro doesn't look pleased. His glare is the last thing I see before I sit in the only empty spot at the end of the table, thankful to be out of his sightline.

Only to be back in the fire. Across from me is my new friend, Johnny. I frown at his cocky smile.

Romero hesitates, looking at Johnny with suspicious eyes.

"What?" Johnny asks. He takes his napkin from the table and flings it open before stuffing it down his shirt like a bib. He receives several displease glances and a few scowls from our dining neighbors in the process. "You got something to say, Twinkle-toes?"

I nudge Romero. "I'll be okay. Tend to what you need to."

He remains for a moment longer, watching Johnny. Johnny openly stares back, unbothered by Romero's mistrust. When Romero finally walks away, I harden my stare.

Leaning forward to keep our conversation private, I whisper, "Don't speak to him like that."

He leans forward, too. "Or what? You'll call Julia and tell her I'm mean to her babysitter?" He scoffs, "Please. Unlike the rest of you pansies, I'm not scared of her."

"Maybe Julia isn't the one you need to be worried about."

He waits for me to continue, but I can only glare. I have no real power of my own. Not when compared to someone who runs in this kind of crowd. I don't know much about Johnny, but he must come from money to secure an invite to such an exclusive event. Especially since the guest of honor seems to hate him. I can only imagine I come off as an ant fighting off his boot.

Basically, I don't stand a chance.

But I try to let my look speak for itself. I do my best to channel Mariah or Julia's threatening aura. 'Don't mess with me,' the look should say. Johnny only seems to think it's funny.

I turn my attention away from him as if I can't possibly be bothered with him any longer. The name card in front of me says 'Esteemed Guest' instead of my name, but at least I'll get to keep something. It does a little in making me feel better. Eagerly, I turn it over to see what everyone was whispering about.

The back of the card is a range of dates from Kai's birth year to the present and a brief summary of his life and business accomplishments.

Like a eulogy, I roll my eyes. He's 30, not dead.

Dinner is served while Johnny and I stew in silence. Well, I stew. Johnny keeps his ever-present smug grin smile. He pokes the salad with a fork, spearing a piece of lettuce and holding it up.

"What's this? They call this a meal? The Hiwatari's might be going broke if this is what they're serving. Are you sure you want to get mixed up with them?"

Again, our neighbors grumble. I smile, trying not to appear as though Johnny and I are together. That's the last thing I need.

"Stop talking to me," I hiss under my breath when really I want to explode.

Johnny looks up, his violet eyes wide. "What was that? Stop talking to you? But we're getting along so well."

I clench the fork in my hand, blinking at how obnoxiously loud his voice is. He has no idea how much I'm fighting the instinct to tell him to shut it. Because seriously? Who does he think he is to cause a scene. At Kai's family home, no less. What is he even trying to accomplish by pissing me off?

And Kai thinks he was hitting on me.

Puh-lease.

I shake my head and turn to the person on my right, attempting to strike up a conversation about the pleasantness of the citrus dressing. I feel Johnny's attention on me the rest of dinner, but that's nothing compared to the sizzle of Kai's angry, watchful eyes. At least I know it's just for show, though I don't think Johnny cares either way.

I should use this time to my advantage – weasel out what Johnny knows or thinks he knows. To do that might draw the attention of those close by, and I wouldn't want that. So, throughout dinner, I stick to light-hearted conversations and stare glumly at the main table with the family sits. Kai to the right of his grandfather, Kay to Soichiro's left. Her husband and daughter sit next to her, while Mathilda is next to Kai and Ralf after her.

She's so small between the two of them. The gold dress she wears is held up by strings, emphasizing just how delicate she is.

Kai and Mathilda really don't look half bad together. She's all light pastel to his dark contours. Her eyes lift demurely to his face when he speaks to his grandfather, a natural pout on her lips. Maybe that's the angle I should've played – quiet and submissive. At least then, people would have less to complain about.

"Can't go wrong there," Johnny says. He blows steam from a hot latte the waiter just delivered. "Don't you think it's weird that you two are wearing the same dress?"

I hadn't thought so until now, but he's right. Mathilda's dress does match mine in color. This also happens to match Kai's tie, and now I realize they look like a couple.

"Must have been the same designer," he continues.

Keeping my words to myself, I focus on balling up the napkin in my lap. Dinner is over, and we're just waiting for the birthday cake. I'm sure it's just a formality, but I'm looking forward to it.

Soichiro stands. For a moment, I fear that we're about to have a repeat of our engagement. No long speech this time, thankfully. After quickly expressing appreciation for everyone's attendance, he invites Kai up with him. He practically has to drag Kai from his chair, and that earns a small laugh from everyone as he makes a joke about how stubborn Hiwatari's are.

As they stand together at the front of the room, Soichiro introduces a local performer. She enters to welcoming applause, sweeping up to the front in a glittering red dress.

"It's an honor to perform for you," she says to Kai, even though Soichiro is still standing right there. And she's performing for all of us.

But I get it.

Despite her blatant flirting and the delayed cake, I get excited about the performance, wigging in my seat to get comfortable. The lights dim except for over her. A familiar tune plays lightly in the background. The double doors open, revealing four waiters rolling in a four-tiered cake, candles wrapping around all the layers. Delighted by this turn of events, when the woman begins to sing, I do, too.

"Happy Birth-"

She stops. Then, I stop. Everyone stops, eyes turned on me.

Johnny stares.

Kai stares.

Kay hides her choking laughter behind a hand.

Soichiro sneers.

Now, I've been to my share of parties. I have three cousins and have had several friends growing up. In my experience, everyone sings the birthday song.

"I'm sorry," I say to the singer. "I'm just so excited." Turning to Kai, shrug as if I'm a hopeless case, tilting my head bashfully. "Happy birthday, Kai. I love you."

A satisfied hummed starts, eventually growing into joyful laughter as the older ones muse on young love.

"Nice cover," Johnny mutters into the cup.

He has no idea.

I lift my eyes to Kai again. His look is passive but not emotionless. There's an undercurrent to it that I can't pinpoint.

The singer starts again, and I do my job by keeping silent. No one blows out the candles. It's wheeled away, and the lights come back on. Minutes later, slices are delivered to everyone in the room.

I can't taste it, too distracted by the look Kai gave me. The cake might as well be charcoal for the amount of joy I'm deriving from it.

After most of the guests leave, we're able to sneak out without saying goodbye to his family. I do manage a wave to Salima when her mother isn't watching and promise myself I'll call her for another lunch. The school year will be starting for her soon, and I want to encourage her. And possibly get her to reveal why she's leaving the family. As a trusted friend, of course.

"What, no presents?" I ask as I follow Kai to the car.

"I'm 30, not ten," he quips, waiting for me to slide in first while Spencer holds the door.

"Fun night?" He asks.

"Just the best," Kai replies. He gets in after me, and the door closes.

I wait in silence to see if he'll start speaking now or wait until we get home.

But I can't wait. "So," I start, hoping he'll pick up. He doesn't. I sigh. "How mad are you?"

"Mad?" His narrow in confusion. "Why do you think I'm mad?"

"You're not?"

"No,"

"I've been telling you, Hiwatari. You always look mad."

"Just drive, Spencer."

"But you're really not mad? About Johnny sitting across from me and making a scene or my little fumble with the song. I didn't embarrass you?"

"McGregor," he growls. "He shouldn't have been sat there. I'll have to have a word with Romero about that. And the song was..." He trails off, muttering something under his breath.

"What was that?"

He looks over, eyes heavy with exhaustion. I can't blame him. He drove several hours from the beach house back to the city this morning and now this party. He got to be tapped. The street lights flash by, hitting his features repeatedly, emphasizing their sharpness.

"I thought it was funny," he finally says quietly. "Exactly something you would do. I can't believe I didn't predict it." He takes another deep breath, resting his head against the seat. "But then, I can't ever predict what you'll do."

"And the..." I bite my lip. "The 'I love you.' Was that too much?"

At the time, I couldn't help but feel that's what he would want. But it was the first time I've said that directly to him.

Upfront, Spencer clears his throat.

Kai's lips pinch and then fall into a tired smile. "Yes, Hilary. That was too much for me. But it was perfect for you. You make a very believable girl-in-love."

My heart sings at the praise. I did a good job. I made him happy. Despite all my missteps, I was a success tonight.

I can almost forget Kai teasing me in the kitchen.

Almost.

I close my fist and punch Kai's arm as hard as I can.

"What are you doing?" He barks, hand flying to his injury.

"That was for what you did to me in the kitchen!" I shout.

"What did you do to her in the kitchen?" Spencer asks, eyes flashing in the rearview mirror.

"It's nothing," Kai says through clenched teeth. His eye crackle, daring me to spill. Promising disaster if I do.

I'll admit, complaining to Spencer that Kai pretending he was going to kiss me and pulling away at the last second doesn't sound like a great reason to punch someone, given the circumstances of our arrangement. In fact, when phrased that way, Kai did the right thing. I'm a fool to expect otherwise.

But Spencer's reaction would be so fun.

Deep, serve lines appear on either side of Kai's mouth as his frown increases.

"Am I going to need to separate you two?" Spencer continues, tone lifting at the end to a light chuckle. He's joking, but there's a note of worry in his eyes as he keeps looking back.

Kai arches a brow.

"No," I answer. "We're fine."

We're even, I say mentally. It still wasn't a nice thing to do. I'm Kai's teammate, not his toy. He should know better by now.

It was too late for Spencer to take me home, and what's another night in Kai's guest room. We shuffled into his condo, barely awake. When we got to the point where we'd have to go in different directions, I waited to see if he had anything left to say.

He didn't. Turning down the hall and leaving me standing there without another word.

"Night," I whispered to the empty space long after he left.

Did I go too far with that punch? I couldn't have hurt him any; his arm felt like solid steel under my feeble knuckles.

I was too tired for my troubled thoughts to keep me awake. I wake up from a deep slumber in a mess of pillows, sheets, and funky hair. Being that it's a Tuesday, and Kai's been off since Thursday, and the sun is already well past the horizon, I don't think I'll find him home.

I'll miss his morning face, but such as life.

I make a plan to have breakfast, get my things together, touch base with Romero and Mariah, and then go back home until Kai needs me again.

August. Four months left until December.

And then what?

Boris was right. I don't know what I plan on doing after this. Kai's offered a position in Hiwatari Enterprises, but I still haven't decided if that's what I want, too distracted with everything that's happened.

Never mind my growing feelings for Kai. Do I want a position I didn't really work for? One was given to me, not because of my skills but because I...fake dated my way in?

What's worse: sleeping with your boss for a promotion or having everyone think you slept with your boss? I've never heard of anyone fake dating their way into a managing position.

Definitely, something to get Mariah's thoughts on. And to balance it out, maybe Kenny's too, though I think I know what he's going to say.

Determined to enjoy breakfast sans anxious thoughts, I bring my phone with me, scrolling through my social networks.

A lot of my feed is from my old neighbors. I followed them to keep up to date on what was happening in the neighborhood. They're complaining because a developer has bought the buildings and plans to evict everyone to bulldoze the apartments, building a new skyrise in its place. In response, the residents are organizing a protest.

I frown, thinking of all the neighbors who will be forced out and misplaced. Daichi and his mom, the old lady that lived below me and would pound on the ceiling every time I made so much as a peep. I mean, I hated her, but she doesn't deserve to have her home taken away.

Maybe I should go to the protest. I don't have the kind of money to stop what's happening. Still, perhaps I can use my new position and current status as future Hiwatari for something that actually matters. There's still a while left before the project begins; we can definitely scrounge up some media attention by then.

Voices pull my focus from the phone. I walk past the kitchen, following the muffled voices to Kai's office, surprised that he's home. The door is open, but looking down at my matching tank top and short pajamas, I know this isn't the proper outfit to meet an associate and step back to change.

It's the soft voice that glues me to my place. "Think about it, Kai, and let me know."

"I will."

Mathilda appears in the doorway, wearing a white sundress, and looks like an angel. She pauses, momentarily surprised to see me standing there. She smiles, dipping her head in greeting. "Good morning, Hilary. Did you sleep well?"

Kai comes up behind her, dressed for work. His eyes meet mine, neither welcoming nor cold. He's reserved, watching my reaction.

Mathilda shifts the designer handbag from her arm to her shoulder, turning to Kai, nodding once more before departing. She glides across the room, head held tall.

I pull a hand through my knotted hair. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be here." My voice frays at the end. I feel the confused expression in the muscles on my face.

He watches, waiting.

I feel...cheated on. But that can't be right. We're not together. Kai is free to conduct his own business separate from me. And yet, the sour taste lingers. I struggle to find a way to ask.

Kai finally takes mercy on me. "She texted me this morning. She wanted to meet in private and I was curious about her angle, so I agreed."

"And you didn't think to tell me about this new development?"

"I was letting you sleep."

I groan, "Kai. Do you realize how this makes us look? Does this make you look like a committed man? What did she even have to say?"

"She was explaining her position."

"I thought we knew her position? Remember – you got mad at me for meeting with her alone?" Funny. Now that the situation's reversed, Kai's not upset at all. Control freak.

"Mathilda is surprisingly mature for her age. I wasn't expecting someone so reasonable.

"She's nineteen."

"She understands the position she's in and what it means for her. Instead of whining about being used, she's practical."

He's musing lightly, talking to himself as much as explaining to me. I can see the wheels turning in his head. He's thinking about it.

He's thinking about her.

"But you said you didn't want to be with someone Soichiro picked out."

"I said I didn't want to be with someone I can't trust. I didn't think he would pick someone who'd choose me over him." Kai shrugs. "From our conversation, Mathilda knows which side she wants to be on. As a wife, she'd be loyal to me."

"And there's no chance you think she could be manipulating you."

He looks up. "It's not like I trust her yet. She's just a girl. But she does offer a unique opportunity that I would be a fool to pass up."

When I do nothing but stare, he steps back into his office. I walk into the doorway, crossing my arms and leaning against the frame while he gathers his things. My stomach tosses.

"Besides," he says, closing his briefcase with a sharp click. "If this plan with Mathilda does pan out like she says, you'll be free of me and this whole mess."

His words are a sharp stab to my mind and heart. What will that leave me with? Nothing.

"Whatever," I answer, turning away. "You're both adults. You can do what you want."

Forget breakfast. I want to go home.

And it's not the condo that comes to mind, but my dinky little one bedroom. But eventually, that won't even be there anymore.

Hey, everyone! Sorry this is so late. I'm still working on getting a schedule together so it's a bit harder to make sure things go up at the same time. Thank you to everyone who has read and commented. I really appreciate all your time and love that you're still with me at this stage. I hope to hear from you again, but I also know school is just starting up. If you're busy or tired or just have nothing to say, please don't feel bad. Don't force yourself. Thank you for enjoying! Take care until next time.