This chapter has finally been edited by Cattinson! Thank you for your patience!
Yep! You read right! This is an early update! I'm sick, and I've been in bed since Saturday night which means I had TONS of time to write, of course your amazing reviews kept me going too!
WARNING! My Beta is on vacation, so this chapter is not betaed but I figured you wouldn't mind so much as the alternative would be waiting two weeks for this, did I guess right? Lol!
THANK YOU THANK YOU AND THANK YOU for your amazing reviews! I love all of them! Even if most of you are pissed at Daddyward! Lol!
SM own everything! Enjoy!
Chapter 15: Goodbye My Lover
"Goodbye My Lover" – James Blunt
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
2 months later…
"Elizabeth! If we don't leave now we are going to be late for school!"
There's a sentence I never thought I'll hear myself say.
"Coming daddy!" She yells back from her room three floors upstairs.
"This is the last one, I promise!" Alice says then.
With a sigh I turn back to finish packing her lunch. Alice has changed her outfit at least six times, it's the same story every morning and even with my driving skills we always get there just in time.
As promised, I enrolled Lizzie in an elementary school in Sundre, a small town nearby. So far she has liked it a lot, it makes her feel normal although she still has trouble interacting with other kids. She is shy and nervous around them but we are working on it.
I check my watch and groan.
"Marie Elizabeth Masen Cullen! You have five seconds!"
All I hear in response are Alice and Lizzie's giggles. Those two together drive me crazy, who knew they would end up being as thick as thieves? Even though they argue a lot, they do love each other crazy now, -which I'm glad- I just which Alice wouldn't corrupt Lizzie so much.
Alice knows the hold Lizzie has on me, and she has been showing her how to use that power over me to her advantage, which funny enough it always ends up working on Alice's best interests too.
"We are ready!" Alice chimes, and two second later Lizzie is in front of me with the first outfit Alice had tried on her.
She was wearing a beautiful purple dress with green leggings, and of course her red chucks. No matter how many tantrums Alice throws, my little angel can be stubborn as hell and won't wear anything else.
See? I told you angel, she has your personality. Only someone like you would be brave or stupid enough to go against a vampire.
Are you watching her angel? Do you laugh with me every time she and Alice have one of their arguments? I'm sure you do, you used to have pretty much the same arguments with my sister. What about when Jasper helps her beat Emmet at a video game? Do you laugh then too?
And what about her ballet lessons? Have you seen her proud smile every time her ballet teacher compliments her? Have you seen her dance her routine in the living room for us? I can only hope you do, so you wouldn't be missing all this.
Now, tell me angel. Do you miss us as much as we miss you? I wish I could hear your voice, at least a whisper… one last time.
I shake my head to clear my mind of painful thoughts.
"You'll have to eat you breakfast in the car." I say giving her, her Shrek cup and picking her in my arms.
"Bye Auntie Ali!" Lizzie waves behind my back.
"See you later sweetie!"
I sit Lizzie in the passenger's seat and buckle her belt, and not two seconds have passed when we are already pulling away from the driveway.
"You have everything you need?" I ask her as I take the highway.
"Yes daddy."
"You don't have physical education today, so you'll be fine and I put your lunch inside your back pack, if you don't feel like eating it just-"
"Throw it away without anyone noticing." She finishes for me "I know dad, don't worry, and if I need you you'll be hiding in the woods."
I chuckle I give her the same speech every day.
"Did you finish your homework?" I ask instead.
"Yes, Uncle Jazzy helped me while you were hunting last night." She started fidgeting with the stereo and soon our CD played in the speakers.
We had made a CD with our favorites songs, something to listen to in the thirty minute ride to Sundre. As soon as Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" intro filled the car she started humming the song contently.
"What do you want to do this weekend?"
Today was Friday and the weather would be working on our favor so I thought we could do something out doors.
"Emmy promised he would teach me how to play baseball."
"That's awesome, although I have to be there when he does. You know how into the game he can get."
"I know," she giggled "he and Jazzy are too funny when they lose."
"Are you excited for next week?" I asked her about her ballet's spring play next Tuesday.
She looked down with a worried face.
"I'm kind of nervous…"
"Why?" I ask her in concern. "You were amazing last rehearsal."
"What if I trip?"
"Then you just stand up again." I said simply.
"But, what if people laugh at me?"
"Then they'll have to listen to me, and you won't trip. You are amazing and you are going to be the most beautiful flower girl upstage." I winked at her.
She was the youngest one of her group too, two weeks after I signed her on a class with girls her age, her teacher called me telling me Lizzie was very good for her group so they asked if it was Ok for them to upgrade her with the ten year old girls. Lizzie had no problem with it, in fact she was ecstatic so I said yes and since then Alice has been coaching her so she could act more human while dancing, so she could dance perfectly without looking like a pro and not raise any suspicions.
When we finally arrived at her school, the bell had just rang so we had to run at human speed to make it in time. With a kiss, I said goodbye to her and handed her to her teacher.
"I wont be far." I whispered into her ear. "I love you."
"Love you too daddy." She kissed my cheek.
With that, I left the school grounds and went to hide my car a few miles away, only to come back by foot and hid in the forest, close enough that I could hear her if she called me and also close enough that I could hear anyone's thoughts nearby. With Victoria still being on the run I didn't want to take any chances, no matter how much Alice assures me she is very far away and have showed no signs of coming back anytime soon.
My little angel was sitting between two girls, and the teacher asked the class to pair up for a project. Lizzie stiffened immediately, not knowing who to pair up with. I smiled as a little boy behind her lightly tapped her shoulder, asking her if she wanted to be his partner, of course Lizzie blushed but accepted with a shy yes.
I better keep my eyes on that boy.
They all sat on the floor then as the teacher handed them some markers and sheets. They had to draw a sketch about the water cycle.
About five minutes later, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was from Denali.
"Hello?" I answered, already knowing who it was.
"Hi! I heard you were back."
"Hello Tanya, how are you?"
"Very good, thank you. But, what about you?" Her voice was one of genuine concern.
"I'm fine, thanks for asking. Is there a reason you called? Everyone is Ok?" I changed the topic, knowing where this conversation was going and not wanting to talk about my feelings with anyone, much less Tanya.
"Oh yeah, everyone is fine. I was just checking in, Laurent told me he talked to Carlisle earlier and told him you returned two months ago? I'm disappointed you didn't call, I was worried about you."
"I'm sorry I've been having a lot in my mind lately. Didn't think about it." I said to appease her.
"How's your little princess?"
I hoped on a tree so I could have a better view of the school without being seen and saw my little angel through a window on the floor coloring peacefully.
"She's… adjusting I guess."
"Edward… if you need anything you know you can count on me… as a friend of course." She hurried to say.
"Thank you, but I think we are handling it just fine on our own."
"I'm glad, she is such a beautiful girl she deserves to be happy. It's such a tragedy what happened to her… I know the feeling of losing a mother." She said sadly and I closed my eyes.
Deep breathes.
God angel, please give me strength.
"Tanya, is there a specific reason you called? Because now is not a good moment." I said in a tight voice as the waves of pain whirled crazily in my chest.
"Oh, yeah… see I was wondering, if it's alright with you, if we could come to visit this weekend? It's getting boring here and Carmen wanted to see Lizzie again. All of us wanted to."
I pondered about it. She is more adjusted to her new life, and finally she feels comfortable around my family –besides one blonde Barbie- so I don't see a problem with it. She finally understands that all of us would go to hell and back for her.
"I think it would be Ok, just… be careful around her, she doesn't like to be the centre of attention."
"Oh! Thank you Edward, yes I promise! We'll see you soon then."
"See you soon Tanya."
The next morning Tanya, Kate, Carmen and Eleazar arrived. Irina and Laurent wanted the house alone for themselves for a few days, so they wouldn't visit until next week and then all of them would head back together next weekend.
Lizzie was a little guarded at first, she still is but I think she is warming up quite fast towards Carmen. Carmen is originally from Cuba, and she told Lizzie stories about herself as a human when she used to dance at the Cuban National Ballet since she was a little girl until her change. This fascinated Lizzie, and she could listen to Carmen talk for hours about technique, she even showed her a few tricks and the both of them had a great time dancing in the middle of the living room as Lizzie practiced her routine for the play.
"Muy bien mi niña linda," Carmen beamed at Lizzie "Now, arabesque… that's right, and allongé. Good! Now let's work in your pointe."
"Will you come to my play?" Lizzie asked and Carmen was taken aback a bit for a second but then smiled widely.
"Of course! But only if you are really ok with it."
"I am! You want to see my costume? Auntie Ali made it for me."
"Of course! Lead the way."
Alice, Kate, Carmen and Lizzie left the living room to Lizzie's bedroom. With a huff Rosalie stood up and went outside. Emmett stared at her worriedly and went after her. I really didn't care if Rosalie was hurting about how quickly Lizzie was accepting Carmen. It was her own fault Lizzie feared her.
I stood up and headed to the kitchen to get Lizzie's dinner ready. I was taking out all the ingredients for lasagna when Tanya joined me in the kitchen and sat on a stool nearby.
"You have done a great job. She is completely different from that time we met her."
"Thank you." I said as I started to grate the cheese.
"You need any help with that?"
"Have you cooked before?" I raised my eyebrow and she smiled.
"Not that I remember but there's always a first time." She winked playfully.
"Alright, you can start by washing those tomatoes and then mashing them together."
She made a face but still nodded and got to work.
"This is disgusting." She said as she mashed the tomatoes in a bowl and I chuckled. "How do you keep a straight face?"
"You get used to it."
"Why don't you just buy her one of those frozen ones? I bet she can't tell the difference?"
I shrugged.
"I like cooking for her it's something she used to do with Bella so sometimes she joins me. It makes her feel homey, I don't know." When I'm done with the cheese, I put water with butter to boil.
She stares at me with a fond look.
"You are a great father Edward, who would have thought." She tells the last part to herself and I grimaced.
"I don't know about that… sometimes I feel like, like I keep failing her. Failing both of them."
"Both?"
"Bella."
"Oh." Tanya looked down and stayed quiet.
When the water started to boil I began to add the noodles.
"Why would you say that?" She interrupted my internal musings and I shrugged. Deciding to just tell her, maybe I needed to talk to someone out of my immediate family.
"I made a promise, and… no matter what I do, I know I'll never be able to fill that hole in Elizabeth's life. No matter how much I try, so it feels like I keep failing them."
"Edward… You know I-" She starts but I cut her off.
"Don't start Tanya, please. I told you last time, that even if…" I swallow "even if Bella died, I would dedicate my whole existence to Elizabeth. There's no space in my life for anyone else."
"You are right, I'm sorry." She said with a resigned tone "It's just that, it's been a year, I thought that maybe you'd have changed your mind? She is an amazing girl, I wouldn't mind."
I shook my head.
"I'm sorry, but Elizabeth is the only girl in my life… and it will always stay that way."
We return to our tasks in silence, the water boiling and knives cutting the only noises in the kitchen.
"Bella was one very lucky girl." Tanya musses after a while and I scoffed thinking about the way she had died and all she had suffered previously.
"Why would you say that?" I grunt. If anything, life had been so unfair to her.
"Because… in my three hundred and something years, I've never seen a man love a woman the way you love her."
I didn't respond to that, focusing on seasoning the ground beef so she continued.
"What's even more amazing, is that even if she has been dead for a year and before that you haven't been together in more than, what now? Four? Five years? You are still as faithful as day one. If someone loved me an inch of what you feel for her… damn, I would never let him go."
With a long sigh, I turned around to wash my hands on the sink behind us.
"If you love him back, don't. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about."
"Yeah, but… you deserve happiness too Edward."
"I am happy."
She gave me a look.
"No you are not, yeah Lizzie makes you happy, she gives you a purpose. But you are not completely… blissful?"
Again, I didn't say anything and started to throw all the ingredients into a bowl to mix them.
"You need to move on Edward, you are still punishing yourself, making yourself miserable… I'm not saying you need to be with me or someone to be happy, I guess… what I'm trying to say is that you need to forgive yourself and move on… so you can really enjoy your daughter. You need to say goodbye to her."
I stopped doing what I was doing and pressed my palms on the counter top, taking a deep unnecessarily breath so maybe the ripping pain would ease.
"I can't do that Tanya, she's… she deep in here," I pointed to my silent heart "I can't just rip her off my chest. Is not that easy, you've never been in love so you don't know what I'm talking about."
"I know I've never been in love but I'm old enough to know a thing or two. I've had my fair share of lovers, I've seen what love can do, love can give someone the power to break you and maybe that's why Kate and I love our man with our brains instead with our hearts… but I've also seen a lot of people break and recover from the ashes… that's how I know it's not impossible."
"I guess time heals all wounds but… what I'm worried about is that by the time you are ready to move on, to enjoy what life has given you… Lizzie would be all grown up… and you are going to hate yourself even more for losing such a precious time with her."
"I'm doing what I can Tanya, yeah I'm not completely happy… but I am enjoying my daughter, in the best way I can… you don't understand, without Bella I just can't function properly. I can't say goodbye to her." The idea was just ridiculous. "It's her memory what keeps me going, it's her that… when I feel like everything is about to fall apart, it's her who gives me strength."
"Well, some say holding on is what makes you strong, but sometimes it takes much more strength to just let go."
"Well, then I'm not strong enough to let go."
"And that's what worries me, you act more like Lizzie's slave than her father… as if it was a self punishment… it's not enough to just hand her anything she wants or needs, don't get me wrong, you are a great father but I wish she could know her real father, the real Edward. That Edward would be an amazing father. The strong, warm, gentle, mysterious, talented and happy Edward that I know. When was the last time you composed something? I saw your room, I don't see any new books either and your old turn table is full of dust."
I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands.
"Why are you telling me all this Tanya?" I said with a painful voice.
"Because I love you, and I know you. In ten years you are going to beat yourself up for not enjoying your daughter when you could, she is growing up so fast. You hate that Bella is missing out on her, but you are here and you are missing out on her too. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the reason why Lizzie is still grieving is because that's the only example you give her? No matter how much you try to hide it, she is your daughter she feels your pain too."
"Tanya…" I whispered into my palms "stop, please."
"Sorry, I thought you needed and objective point of view, I know all vampires in this household are still hurting for her too."
"Just leave me alone… please."
"Sorry, again I'm here if you need me."
I didn't respond so she just left the kitchen. I opened my eyes and prepared the lasagna at vampire speed, when I finally put it in the oven I walked out of the house. I needed some fresh air, there were too many vampires in the house. I wished I could go into a more secluded space, far away from everyone's thoughts but I didn't want to leave Lizzie alone.
I sat on a fallen tree at the edge of the woods and looked up at the darkening sky.
Is Tanya right angel? Do I have to move on? Do you wish me to?
Please, if you can hear me… give me a sign. What do I do? I don't want to let go… but Tanya has a point. I can barely function without you, I only smile and live for our daughter. Will that damage her more in the end?
Do I have to swallow my pain and bury my heart with your memories? So I can function properly for her? Because, I don't think I can… just the thought makes my insides coil.
I need you, I miss you.
I love you, more than yesterday.
Please help me. I'm begging you, whoever hears my pleas. Please give me a sign.
I take out my wallet, and pull Bella's picture from its holder. It's only her face I cut it out from the photos Alice took us on her birthday four years ago.
"You looked so happy angel… I'm sorry I took that smile out of your face."
Maybe if the last image I had from her was of her smiling, things would be better. But, that's not the last image I have from her, not even the previous ones. Not even the last one I have from her in person is happy, as the last time I saw her was when I broke up with her in the forest.
Those pained eyes still hunt me to these days, and it gets worse every time Lizzie cries since it reminds me of that day. The day I took the light out her eyes.
How can Tanya expect me to forgive myself and move on, after what I did? She doesn't know the whole story, she doesn't know what Bella and I had. But then again, Lizzie should come first… and I can't keep putting the weight of my pain in her tiny shoulders. This is so hard… so confusing.
"Where's my dad?" I suddenly hear Lizzie's frantic voice.
"Don't fret little one, he is outside… c'mon I'll take you to him." Carmen soothed her.
Two seconds later, the back door opened revealing Lizzie and Carmen. As soon as Lizzie spots me sitting on the trunk she runs towards me.
"What are you doing here?" She jumped onto my lap, she sees my face and frowns "Were you crying?"
I guess she notice my red eyes, she passes her thumbs under my eyes and I close my lids, feeling the warmth of her skin on my face, another thing that reminded me of her mother.
"I'm fine." I tell her swallowing and holding her tight, she responds by holding me tighter by my neck too.
"Why were you crying?" She asks after a minute, her voice full of worry and Tanya's words repeat in my mind. Of course she has always seen through my façade just as I saw through hers.
We are both so messed up.
Angel, why did you have to leave? Don't you see we need you so much?
I kiss the crease between Lizzie's eyebrows, but it doesn't seem to make much of an effect on her.
"I was just… thinking." I tell her and she looks down, knowing of who I was thinking about.
"I miss her too." She reclines her head on my chest and I wrap my arms tighter around her.
"I know." I breathe.
"I wish…"
…
…
…
"What, princess?"
"I wish she could see me on Tuesday." She cries quietly, I lean back and kiss her tears away.
"I'm sure she will."
"How do you know? You can't talk to her."
"I do."
Her eyes become wide.
"How?"
I look around, and then at the rooftop.
"Come with me." I say as an idea comes to mind.
I place Lizzie on my back and climb up the side of the house until I reach the roof top. Once there, I put Lizzie down and take off my jacket to lay it on the floor. Then I motion for us to sit down.
"What are we doing here?" She asks quietly looking around, a cold breeze rushes around us making Lizzie's hair flow through the wind. Like a small caress. I sit her on my lap and wrap my arms around her to protect her from the cold.
"Have you ever star gazed?"
She shook her head.
"Well, I do it a lot. I like it… once my father, -my real father- bought me a telescope when I was a kid. I remember him taking me to the rooftop every Sunday so we could stargaze together. He told me a little story once… you want to hear it?"
She nodded, looking intently at me.
"He told me that, when good people go… they end up in heaven. Their souls are so good and pure that they shine, and no matter how far they are… we are still able to see them at night. That's how we know, they are there…" I choked "watching us… and protecting us."
A single tear fell from her cheek, and I dried it with the sleeve of my sweater.
"You think momma is up there?" She whimpered, looking upwards with new eyes.
"I don't think so, I know. I bet she is one of the brightest ones… your momma was so good. Which one do you think she is?"
She looked around, until she pointed to a bright one.
"That one, it's pretty like her." She said.
"You are right… now, you wanted to know how I talked to her?"
She nods.
"Well, I'll just look up to the sky, look for the brightest star… and talk to her."
"And she hears you?"
"Yes, as well as she can see us… she can hear us too."
Lizzie looked up at the sky again with a hopeful look.
"Mommy?" I hold her tighter and pressed my lips to the top of her head blocking my sobs. "I miss you. I'm dancing on Tuesday… can you please see me? I've been practicing a lot… to make you proud."
I took a deep shaking breath.
"She is already proud of you angel, just as I am." I kiss her cheek.
…
…
"Daddy?"
"Yeah?" I force myself to say.
"Why is there no moon tonight?"
I look upwards again, not having noticed it before.
"It's a new moon, it's when the moon lies closest to the sun so we can't see it but is still there."
Just then, a shooting star passed across the sky at lightning speed and Lizzie gasped.
"Did you see that?"
"Yes, that was a shooting star." I explained.
"And what are those?"
"Those are angels, flying around listening for wishes so they can make them true. So I suggest you to make one before he or she goes too far."
Lizzie closed her eyes with a tiny smile, and then she opened them again with a peaceful look in her eyes.
"What did you ask for?"
"I can't tell you otherwise it might not come true." She smiled through her tears.
"Alright," I chuckled breathlessly, as I still had a knot in my throat. "Esme is taking your lasagna out of the oven, so we better go back inside."
Lizzie looked back at the stars with a small smile.
"Goodnight mommy. I love you."
When we entered back to the house, it was unusually quiet and I knew the reason. They had all heard my conversation with Lizzie and since my family is still hurting because of Bella's death, it affected them too. Almost everyone was in the living room, watching the news as we passed them and headed towards the kitchen. A plate with Lizzie's human food waited for her in the breakfast bar. I sat her on the stool and waiter for her to finish her meal.
Halfway down her dinner, she pushed her plate away.
"What's the matter?" I asked her "Didn't you like it?"
"I did, I'm just full."
"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel hungry later, remember how much it hurt last time when you didn't eat for three days?"
Lizzie hates human food, that's why she tries to avoid it but she still needs it. Nothing will happen to her, she'll just fell hungry and her stomach would hurt after a few days without it and I don't like her in pain, that's why I force her to eat human food at least once a day.
"I'm fine, I promise. If I get hungry I'll tell you this time."
"Ok, you want me or Esme to get you ready for bed?"
"Nanna!" She beamed and Esme was next to her in an instant.
"Alright, call me when you are ready. I'll be in the living room."
As Esme walked back upstairs with Lizzie in her arms, I headed towards the living room where Jasper, Carlisle and Eleazar were still. The three of them were watching the news with an intense look.
"What's going on?"
"More killings." Jasper said without tearing his eyes from the TV.
"What? I thought they had stopped." I said remembering last year's killings in Seattle and how as fast as they started they stopped, -probably because of the Volturi- just a few weeks after we left Alberta.
"Yeah, but they are back… and they are worse, they are talking about a serial killer." Eleazar commented.
"You think is one of us again?" Carlisle asked Jasper and he shrugged.
"It could be, but… this is getting way out of hand, who would let a newborn loose again?"
"How high are the numbers?" I asked.
"Sixteen disappearances, from which they had only found eleven bodies in the past six weeks."
I blew out a breath, that was a lot of blood in such a short amount of time.
Thank god we are not anywhere near Seattle, otherwise I would have to lock up Lizzie in her room.
"Well, it doesn't concern us it's the Volturi's job to end this and I'm sure they will soon if in fact it's the case of another newborn." Carlisle added.
"If it's a newborn, I don't think it's just one. It's too much blood." Jasper mused.
"You think it's a small army?" I asked reading his thoughts.
"The pattern fits."
"But why? There are no other clans in Seattle, not even in Washington. We used to be the only ones there."
"That's why I'm not sure about it. Anyway, as Carlisle says it doesn't concern us."
When the news presenter changed the topic, I decided it was time to go and check on Lizzie. Esme was done bathing her and she was helping her in her pajamas now.
With a soft knock, I open the door to her room. Lizzie was sitting on her bed with Esme behind her brushing her hair.
"How's my princess?" I ask with a smile, Lizzie smiles back a little and I know she is still a little sad about earlier.
I sit next to her and kiss her head.
"Hmmm, you smell so delicious." I playfully bit her cheek "Like strawberries." I tickle her belly and she giggles up a storm. "Now that's my girl." I smile.
"So, I see you are in good hands now. I'll be downstairs if you need me." Esme says standing up from her bed and walking out of the room.
"Alright, time for bed." I lifted her by her feet, making her hang upside down as she continued to laugh and placed her at the top of her bed.
"When is Seth coming back? I miss him." She says as she gets herself comfortable under the sheets.
"He said soon, remember? When he called you yesterday?"
"How long is soon?" She tilted her head to the side.
"Soon. Now, go to sleep."
"But I don't want to sleep." She pouted.
"You have to, tomorrow is going to be a long day. We are all going to the clearing for a baseball game too."
"You'll be on my team?" She smiled hopefully.
"Of course, together we are going to kick Uncle Emmy's ass."
"I heard that!" Emmett yelled from his and Rosalie's room making us laugh.
The weekend passed in a blur, and thankfully Lizzie was able to enjoy the baseball game we all played Saturday afternoon. We were in a clearing well into the woods and very far from civilization we didn't need any rainstorm.
On Sunday though, it looked like the sky would fall. It rained the whole day so we had to stay indoors. Lizzie and I spent most of the morning at my green piano, I started teaching her when we first came back from Isle Esme so since we had nothing else to do we thought it would be a good way of spending the morning.
That night, the sky was clear as it had rained the whole day, so Lizzie and I went to the rooftop again. I heard her talk to her mother quietly again, about her weekend and how our team had defeated Emmett's. Then she talked about how I was teaching her to play the piano.
"Daddy is very good with me momma, and he loves me very much. He says I'm his only girl. You were right about him." She had said in a soft voice.
We stayed there until she fell asleep, and then I carried her back to her room where I stayed with her as always.
She doesn't talk in her sleep like you angel, but I still can get the gist about what she is dreaming when I touch her hands. You are often I her dreams, I think some of them are memories, I don't know but you are there. She misses you even when she is asleep.
I wish I could sleep, so I could dream of you too and escape this awful reality for a while. I would dream of the three of us, together as a family, in our own house, with our daughter. The way it was supposed to be.
On Monday, I took Lizzie to school and for once we weren't late this time. Alice has been having headaches because lately she's been trying harder to see through the static in her visions -since now they are more pronounced- so Esme got her ready instead.
Then after school, I took her to her last rehearsal before tomorrow's play. I was watching her through the glass in the waiting area when the owner of the studio approached me. She was on her late twenties, a retired ballerina I guessed by her body.
"Hello sir, sorry for bothering you but are you with one of the girls?" She asked nervously, an effect from her human's instincts mixed with worry about me being a crazy perv watching a bunch of little girls.
"Yes, I'm Elizabeth's father."
Her face relaxed instantly before surprise took over her features.
"Oh! Sorry, didn't know… you look so young." She gave me a sheepish smile and I smiled a little back in return.
"It's ok, most people think I'm her older brother too."
"Yeah, been there." She blushed, her blue eyes staring everywhere "Got knocked up in high school too, that's why I couldn't pursue my dream and settle on a ballet school instead." She explained, from her thoughts I also gathered that the father had walked out on her.
"Sorry to hear that." I said going back to stare at my daughter, her teacher was now correcting her pirouette, I knew immediately Lizzie was just acting human since she had mastered it a while ago.
"Yeah, but I don't regret it… Jenny is the best thing ever happened to me, she is the blonde one in the corner."
I stared at the girl in question, and I immediately saw the similarities between her and her mother. Blonde hair, blue eyes and pointed noise.
"She is beautiful," I told her not wanting to be a jerk by ignoring her. She was the owner of the studio after all. "She looks a lot like you."
"Thank you, your daughter is beautiful too, I've heard a lot of comments from the teachers, and she's such a great dancer. I'm sure her mother is proud?"
I knew by her thoughts her real intentions were to know if there was a mother since I didn't wear a ring.
"Yeah, she is." I told her, not elaborating.
"Are you two together?"
I composed my face before she would see the pain that question caused.
"She is my one and only."
Tuesday finally came, and the house was a chaos as everyone got ready for the play, and by everyone I mean the women. It had been decades since the last time the Denalis went to a theater since there isn't much to do in Alaska so they were exited to do something different, as for the Cullen girls, they were busy getting Lizzie and themselves ready at the same time. The men –and Rosalie- just waited in the living room for everyone to be ready.
"Mini-bell is going to rock that play!" Emmett cheered bouncing in his seat.
"She'll be dancing with another twenty girls on stage. It's not like she has a solo." Rosalie said flipping through her magazine but I just ignored her.
I knew what she was doing she was still pissed and hurt about me taking Lizzie away from her so she was playing it down. Showing like she didn't care but I knew better. She couldn't wait to see her on stage and she was dying to be upstairs helping her get ready.
"Oh, c'mon babe cheer up! This is Lizzie's first play, don't be such a party pooper."
She flipped the magazine close, and slammed it against the coffee table. Then stood up and walked out the house just as Alice was finally done with Lizzie's hair.
When everyone was done, we piled up in different cars and made our way to Calgary. The play would be held at a small theater near the studio, when we got there it was packed so everyone went to look for their seats as I took Lizzie back stage through the door at the back of the building.
Once I left Lizzie with her teacher, I went back to my family. We were all occupying the 5th row and I saw that Alice had saved me a seat next to her. I noticed people staring at us, awed and scared by our looks but that wasn't new, so I ignored their thoughts and decided to just block anything else but the people surrounding my daughter so I would know how she was faring.
I saw Lizzie through her teacher and classmates thoughts and I could tell she wasn't at ease. Something was bugging her, and I could easily figure out the problem. She was seeing how the other mommies would bring their girls back stage, giving final touches to their make-ups and hair, how they would encourage them and wish them good luck before kissing her good bye.
I knew that face, she was feeling left out again as the other girls chattered happily about their outfits their mother's got them or their hairdo's. She was sitting in a chair by her own, and that's when I noticed her blankie on her lap as she stared at it. I didn't even notice she had brought it with her she probably put it in her back pack when I was downstairs with the guys.
I couldn't take it anymore, my heart was breaking for her. I needed to do something to cheer her up, damn why Seth couldn't make it today? I'm sure he would find a way to make her feel better.
"Excuse me." I said as I stood up.
"What's up?" Alice asked.
"Lizzie." I said by a way of explanation, and by my worried face she understood immediately.
I walked out of the theater and rounded the corner until I got to the back stage door again. There was a big guy at the entrance, guarding no one that wasn't a parent could enter. After I showed him my ID, he let me through.
I walked into Lizzie's dressing room, there were a bunch of girls by the mirrors and she sat alone on the other side of the room by herself. As soon as she saw me she ran towards me without saying anything. She knew I knew.
"It's Ok baby." I rocked us from side to side as I sat us on the chair she had occupied earlier.
"I don't want to go out there."
"Why not?" I kissed her hair "You've worked so hard angel."
"She is not here. She can't see me." Her voice trembled. "I don't want to do this without her."
"Elizabeth, remember what we talked about? Momma is always here, she is always taking care of you."
"But, she can't see me."
"Of course she can." I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.
Damn angel, help me out here.
"Lizzie, your mom is so proud of you… I bet she wants no other thing than watch you dance, like she never could. You don't want to disappoint her do you?"
She slowly shook her head.
"Mommy is watching you from above, and I know she wouldn't be happy if she saw you like this, she'll be sad. You want to make her sad?"
"No." She sniffed.
"Then, make her proud… go out to that stage and dance for her. Smile for her, I'm sure she'd love that a lot, to see you happy doing something you love."
"Won't she be mad?"
"Why would she be mad? That's crazy, your mother loves you more than anything, and she only wants you to be happy."
"How do you know?"
"Because I love you too as much as her, and that's the only thing I want for you." I cleaned her tear stained face with my sweater and kissed both of her cheeks.
"Now, I want you to go out to that stage and dance with your heart, do it for your mommy, as a gift. I'm sure she'll love it."
"Ok." She smiled through her tears.
I stayed with her until there were only five minutes left before the show started. I wished her good luck and went back to my seat.
"Everything Ok?" Esme asked worriedly.
"I think so." I told her as I sat.
The lights deemed out and the curtain raised, I looked down the program and saw that Lizzie's number was one of the last ones.
Thirty minutes later, I heard a familiar voice and sighed in relief.
"Hi Ed, what's up?"
Seth, thank god.
"Seth's here." I whispered to my family, by his thoughts he was at the back looking intently at the stage probably wondering when Lizzie would appear. I knew he wouldn't miss this, Lizzie had been talking his ear off over the phone about her play.
"Oh! That'll make Lizzie so happy." Esme smiled.
Twenty minutes later, Lizzie's number was finally up. She danced gracefully around the stage with her colorful tutu and green ballet shoes. She looked so adorable and beautiful. She had a wide smile on her face as she twirled and dance in synchrony with the other girls.
I've never seen such a beautiful sight, and again it pained me so much Bella wasn't here to see our daughter as she flawlessly glided across the stage. I had a knot in my throat, I was so proud of her she was by far the best dancer in her class. Maybe in the whole school.
Her number was too short for my liking, but then again it was probably the same length as the others and I'm sure every proud parent in the room felt the same as me.
When the play ended, all the dancers came out to say thanks. Lizzie picked the flowers from the floor that we had thrown at her and wave at us happily as my whole family cheered at her, Emmet being the loudest followed by Alice of course and she blushed at our ruckus. Emmet suddenly took out a huge banner with her name on it which was hilarious and made her blush even more.
Then, Lizzie froze in her spot. Dropping the flowers she had collected to the floor.
I stared at her worriedly as she started to look around the room frantically, her eyes incredulous, and on the verge of tears?
"Lizzie?" I asked, knowing she could hear me.
"What's wrong with her?" Alice asked.
Lizzie was panting, still looking everywhere until her eyes focused on something behind me which made her gasp.
And that's when I heard it.
A whistle.
A familiar whistle I had heard thousands of times in her dreams and memories.
As the curtain began to close, Lizzie jumped down from the stage ignoring her teacher's scolding. Running past us in an almost inhuman speed, I turned around figuring she had spotted Seth, but as soon as I did… it was my turn to freeze. At the same time I heard my family's gasps.
There, at the end of the hallway stood Lizzie.
With her mother's warm arms tightly around her sobbing form.
*smiles innocently* Did I just really stop there? Damn!
SHE'S ALIVE PEOPLE! SHE'S ALIVE! You really thought I would kill Bella? I'd never do that! It's one of my rules, BxE Happy Ending ALWAYS! My second rule is that Edward ALWAYS has a great body and smells nice ;)
I really hope this ending helped you calm down after last night's MTV's boycott, WTH? No best kiss? Best fight? Best WTF moment? Carlisle's death, hello?!
Anyway, at least I won't have to sit through another one of their crappy shows (yeah, I'm pissed LOL)
So, are you ready to see Edward do some begging? OMG! What do you think is going to happen next! Do you think Edward will get a heart attack?! What about the other Cullens? What do you think about Rosalie? or Tanya? I think she was pretty good this chapter, don't forget that I'm going mostly for canon!
There's a reader who actually guessed what happened to Bella since chapter 11 (her POV) I wanted to share it with you since she has an important message, I didn't share it before because I didn't want to spoil it for you:
TheObsessed1:
Okay, so don't read this if you don't want to hear spoilers people.
So first the beeping noise is obviously from a pager. Having just a pager makes it harder for the Cullen's to find her.
Second that would be an incoming call to let her know that they found a donor for her. Remember she has Leukemia; which is cancer of the blood, and they try to find matching donors to give people a Bone Marrow transfusion. Unfortunately I think Bella may be too sick to undergo the procedure.
My dear friend from work had a beautiful, vibrant, precious seven year old granddaughter who contracted Leukemia. They found a donor for her and it was successful, she was doing much better and recovering; however not quite a year later she succumbed to an infection and didn't make it. Tragic for such a young beutiful little girl.
Anyone can be put on the list to see if you're a match for donation. They have to test your blood and if you match anyone, then a small incision to take some of your life giving, blood producing bone marrow can save someones' life; for real! Check it out you can go to the website ( ) or call; 1(800)MARROW2 (1-800-627-7692).
There you go!
Till next time!
Saludos!
tpec
P.s. Don't forget to follow me on twitter for teasers during the week! tpec1991