Hi! I'm on spring break, that's why it took me a little longer to update but here it is!
I'm not really happy with it, I don't know I had a stressful week last week and didn't have a clear head. *shrugs* But I did my best under the circumstances, I hope you like it!
Special thanks to Cattinson, for betaing 3 chaspter in one day! (chapters 15 and 16 are finally fixed!) and also thanks to my prereader Lisopera, you are amazing!
SM own everything!
Chapter 17: Stay Close, Don't Go
"Stay Close, Don't Go" – Secondhand Serenade
I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have
i ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
but look through that
and you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.
If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.
Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to
sweep you off your feet girl,
your perfect little feet girl
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.
"You have hurt me too much…"
"Bella…" I pleaded.
…
…
…
"No, I don't love you anymore."
I looked into her eyes, looking for anything to hold on to, anything to stop the excruciating pain.
…
…
"I don't believe you." I finally said.
She blinked, surprised by my firm voice.
"What?"
"I don't believe you."
She huffed.
"So suddenly you can read my mind?"
I held her eyes.
"No, but I can read your eyes. I'm not stupid, I don't think you are in love with me now, I hurt you too much but I don't believe there's nothing left."
I can't believe that, there has to be something left… in her letter, she said she'll always love me no matter what, and I hold onto that. I won't give up this time. I'll fight for her.
"You can believe whatever you want, I don't care. I only care about my daughter and that's why I'm here."
"So why is your heart beating so fast now?" I challenged.
"You know nothing about me, Edward." She sneered.
I looked away, pained by the hate in her eyes and instead, stared at my daughter through the window. She was sharing her spaghetti with Seth, probably having had enough of human food. The bond those too had was so strong sometimes it still amazes me. It was almost as strong as the one Bella and I used to have.
"I'll prove it to you."
"There's nothing to prove."
My eyes landed on her again.
"Yes there is… I made a lot of mistakes Bella I'm not making them again. I failed you once, and the consequences… it nearly killed us both, I'm a quick learner. I won't give up."
"What do you mean?" She asked in a hoarse voice.
I took a step closer to her and grabbed her chin, making her look at me so I was sure she was listening.
"I'm going to fight for you, no matter how long or what it takes. I won't leave you ever again… you and Elizabeth are the only things that matter to me, the only things I want… forever. I won't let any lies come between us again."
"What do you mean by forever?" She breathed.
"You know exactly what I mean, if you'd let me… I'll change you. If you still want that, I'd change you right now."
She blinked, and then something flashed in her eyes.
"Only if I want to."
"Yes."
…
…
"I don't want to be a burden." Her eyes hardened.
"God, you are so stubborn! You won't be a burden! I love you!"
"Why now?! You had years to change me, I begged you to change me a thousand times! Now that you know of Elizabeth, you suddenly love me again and you'll change me? I'm not stupid! Edward, drop the act! It's not fair to me, stop playing with my heart." She cried angry tears. "We don't have to be together to be good parents. I know this is how it was supposed to be in your days but this is the twenty first century! As long as we are both there for her she'll be alright!"
I took a step backwards shaking my head.
"You don't get it. What do I have to do to make you see?" I ask more to myself, so she didn't say anything "How do I prove it to you?"
"You don't have to prove me anything, I don't expect anything from you. The only one you have to prove yourself is to Elizabeth and you have done a very good job, so I don't know what your problem is."
"You! You are my problem! I want to be with you, I made a huge mistake and I'm sorry, I love you and you don't believe me! That's my problem!"
I felt drained, this conversation was going nowhere.
"Bella… I love you. How many times do I have to say those words so you can believe me? It only took once for me to say the contrary, and you believed that so easily…" I shake my head.
"Lizzie is getting restless, we are going out." Seth suddenly warned interrupting our conversation.
I informed Bella of this and she immediately walked back into the backyard worried about her and probably glad to be finally getting away from me too. Lizzie, Seth, Esme and Carlisle walked out at the same time Jacob appeared from the other side of the lawn. Jasper and Alice decided to join us as well.
"Mommy!" Lizzie ran towards us. She immediately went to her mother and hugged her legs.
Bella leaned down a burrowed her face in Lizzie's hair hugging her back. They held each other for a few seconds and I caught a glimpse of Bella's tears before she tried to discretely wipe them away.
"I missed you so much baby." She sighed, and my heart sunk a little at watching the scene before me.
Lizzie responded by hugging her tighter, it was a good thing she didn't have my strength.
"Mommy, are you done talking with daddy? I'm tired."
"You want me to tuck you in?"
"Yes."
"Of course." She kissed Lizzie's hair. "Lead the way."
"Bella," Jacob interrupted "you need to rest too. We need to head back to the hotel soon."
What?!
"You are not staying?!" Lizzie asked alarmed.
"This is not my home honey." Bella said, and even if she tried not to show it I clearly heard the pain in her voice at having to leave.
"Yes it is!" Lizzie answered, looking at me for assurance. "Daddy, this is momma's home too, right? Tell her!"
"Of course it is, Bella you are more than welcome to stay here… I mean… we thought you were, Esme already prepared you a room."
I knew everyone heard the desperation in my voice, and I didn't care. She couldn't leave, not again.
"Thanks Esme, but that won't be necessary. I already have a hotel room in Sundre."
"But I want to be with you!" Lizzie cried.
"I know honey, but-"
"You should come with us, then." Jacob interrupted. Again. And I felt my insides boil at his plans. Once having Lizzie and Bella with him, he thought it would be easier to convince Bella to go back to La Push with him, without me being there to influence her.
"Elizabeth is not going anywhere." I growled at him. "You are not taking my daughter away from me."
"No!" Lizzie cried, now coming to hide behind me. "Uncle Jake I want to stay with daddy."
Jacob ignored her and I wrapped my arm around Elizabeth protectively as Jacob's hands were trembling, Seth stood on her other side protecting her too.
"She should be with her mother! And she clearly can't stay here!"
I placed Lizzie behind me.
"Why not?!"
He pointed at Jasper.
"So your friend over there can attack her again? Forget it!" Jasper winced and looked down, ashamed as Alice wrapped her arms around him comfortingly.
He had a point, Bella after all was still human and this was a houseful of vampires. It was too risky, but I wasn't going to let that deter me. I was going to be more careful with her, and I knew Jasper would be keeping his distance. Before everybody found out about Lizzie, he thought the only reason why I left was because of what he did, he felt awful for years, he blamed himself for hurting Bella and me. He wouldn't risk doing it again, I know he would take his precautions now. He even held his breath all the way from Calgary until we arrived home earlier, I knew I could trust him to not lose control like that again.
"I told you this was insane! We have to go back to La Push! It's best for everyone." Jacob told Bella.
"You know I can't go back Jacob, and Lizzie wants to stay with her father."
Bella's statement calmed me somewhat, she wasn't planning on taking her away from me and that meant a lot to me. It could be so easy for her, since she can easily threaten me and my family by exposure if we didn't give in. But something else caught my attention.
"Why can't you go back?"
"Since I never went back, everyone in Forks and La Push thinks I'm dead." She explained "For Elizabeth's sake it's better if it stays that way, no more ties and its better if Rene thinks that too since she can't find out about Elizabeth either."
"Everyone in La Push will keep your secret. I'm chief of the tribe too."
"I'm done hiding Jacob! It's better if I start some place new."
"So you are staying?" I asked hopeful.
She sighed and turned to me and my family.
"My plan was to move some place near you, so Elizabeth can be with both of us and she wouldn't have to choose. I've been looking for places in Sundre and the towns nearby, and I already have a job interview on Monday at Home Depot. We'll live in town and you can come and see her anytime you want or I can bring her to you."
For the first time ever, I was in agreement with Jacob.
"That plan is insane." I told her and everyone stared at me with wide eyes, even Jacob. "You can't work, you have to take care of yourself and the nearest town is about an hour away by car and with this weather it can be very dangerous for you and Elizabeth."
She shook her head.
"I'm not moving into your house, not because of the stupid reasons Jacob mentioned, -I know what happened with Jasper was an accident- but because… I have my reasons and most importantly, I want my privacy."
"You two can't be on your own Bella, especially with Victoria out there." Seth suddenly spoke, and I wanted to kiss the ground he walked on as Jacob looked at him incredulous, not believing he was taking my side.
Bella frowned and looked at me.
"Then, Lizzie stays with you." She tried to hide the pain in her voice.
"Victoria won't stop at Lizzie!" Not now that she finds out I'm still stupidly in love with her "and you can't go back and forth between towns, it's dangerous with this weather and with your luck you'll get trapped in the worst snowstorm of the century."
She glared.
"I can take care of myself."
"Yes, but you don't have to. Let me help you, I won't bother you… both of us could be with Lizzie 24/7, you can concentrate on your full recovery and most importantly, both of you would be safe."
"You don't want to be with me and daddy momma?" Lizzie's chin quivered, her eyes filled with tears and Bella's face fell.
"Of course I want to be with you honey, c'mere…" She opened her arms and Lizzie immediately fell into her embrace.
Bella kissed her hair tenderly.
"Then, why don't you want to live with us?"
"I do want to live with you."
"But not daddy? Why momma? He missed you too, he told me. Right daddy? Tell momma you missed her, tell her you love her."
Dear. God.
What do I do? Of course I loved her, if possible I would happily tattoo it in my forehead but I didn't want to guilt Bella into staying, that wouldn't take me out of her black list and now I'm sure I'm her number one. Also, I didn't want to put Bella in that place, deciding between making our daughter happy or making her recent her if she still says no after I openly declare myself to her in front of everyone.
"Why don't we go for plan C?" Esme spoke instead, saving me from my dilemma. When I heard her thoughts, I felt hope again.
"Plan C?" Bella asked skeptically.
"Come with me."
We all followed Esme into the woods at human speed, after five minutes we reached the cottage we had taken Seth after Victoria's attack, but it wasn't the same old broken cottage. It was renewed, it looked beautiful under the moon's light, like coming out of a fairytale. The walls had been restored and painted, same for the floorboards and there was light coming from inside through the windows.
"What is this?" Bella asked awed.
"Your new home, if you accept." Esme answered.
"What?" She asked wide eyed.
"At first, it was meant for Seth. When he, Edward and Lizzie left… we didn't have much to do to pass the time so we reconstructed the building for him that way he wouldn't have to live in the warehouse anymore. But since he left the same day they arrived we never got to show it to him. I'm sure you don't mind, right Seth?"
"Of course not!" Seth beamed "I'm more than happy in my warehouse."
"We fixed the pipes and we also had an electric generator installed so you'll have power too… and of course there's a fire place for the cold. It has one bathroom, a kitchen and a small living room, although there's only one room but I know for a fact Lizzie doesn't like to sleep alone so," Esme shrugged "we can see about constructing her own room in the future when she gets older."
"I don't know what to say… it's so beautiful." Bella breathed, her eyes filling with tears again and I didn't dare to say anything. Fearing if I coaxed her into accepting she'll refuse just because I asked her to.
This was perfect, of course it'll kill me not to have Lizzie with me at nights, but this way both of them would be so close, safe and… close. It's way better than any other alternative. I'll be able to make sure they are safe as often as I want without them knowing, I can even camp out at nights, god knows I'm not leaving them alone in the forest, especially at night and Bella would still have that sense of independence and privacy.
"Just say yes." Esme continued in a soft voice "It's far away enough so you'll have privacy from us, but close enough for any emergency, just a five minute walk for you and a 5 seconds run for us, and it is safer for you and Lizzie to come and go as you please too." Esme continued in a soft voice.
Bella looked down at Lizzie, who now clung to my arm with one arm and hugged my waist with the other as she buried her face in my stomach crying quietly.
I saw it in her eyes how it pained her to see Elizabeth cry, she was struggling between doing what Elizabeth wanted and what she needed.
She took a step forward and kneeled in front of our daughter.
"Lizzibizzy… what do you say? You want us to live here? Or you can stay with daddy, and I'll stay here… close to you."
Elizabeth turned around and wrapped her arms around Bella's neck.
"I wanna be with both."
"It's only for sleeping honey, you can stay with me a few days a week and the rest with daddy. We won't really be apart, it mostly will be sleeping arrangements… you'll still be with both of us."
She shook her head quietly and touched Bella's cheek.
…
…
"You won't leave me, I'll be ok…" Bella answered quietly "…it'll just be like having sleepovers at the big house whenever you want… …yes… No, I can't I'm sorry… …I'm not going anywhere, I promise… …Are you sure?"
Elizabeth nodded.
Then, Bella looked up at me with fresh tears.
"I'll take the cottage."
And even if the pain was still there, I let out a sigh of relief.
"Thank you." I told her quietly, and she could only nod as she buried her face in Lizzie's hair again.
"Can daddy sleepover sometimes with us too?"
Bella sighed and I suppressed a chuckle at the same time my heart broke.
"Daddy doesn't sleep honey, you know that."
"But he protects me when I'm scared." She looked up at Bella again.
"We'll see about that, Ok?"
Lizzie nodded sadly and my heart went out to her.
Then, Jacob grunted.
"I can't believe this, you are really staying? After what he did to you?"
Bella sighed and I went livid.
"Jacob-"
"What I did or didn't do isn't any of your business, dog." I growled.
"Before Charlie died, before one of you sucked the life out of him, I promised him to take care of Bella, so anything concerning Bella is my business, bloodsucker!"
"Jacob, enough." Seth said seriously, pointing his chin towards Lizzie. "What the hell dude?"
"I'm still your leader, you can't tell me what to do."
"And you can't tell Bella what to do either! Elizabeth wants to stay, so Bella stays. This isn't about you, cut it out!" Seth hissed, trying to control his temper.
"He'll hurt her again!"
"Edward had nothing to do with what happened to Charlie!"
"I don't only mean physically! He'll just treat her like trash again! We should all go!"
I placed Lizzie behind me again, Carlisle and Jasper flanking me.
"You know nothing, mongrel" I hissed at him "and I suggest you to shut up and stop whatever stupid plan you are cooking in your head right now unless you want to walk the rest of your life on three legs! Elizabeth is my daughter she won't go anywhere unless she wants to!"
"I'm not scared of you! Bella, don't listen to him! Don't worry, I have the pack ready."
"You brought them?!" Bella asked incredulous "Jacob, I told you it wasn't necessary! They don't mean any harm!"
"That's what he made you think! But look at what he did to you! They are all cold, heartless monsters!"
"DADDY IS NOT A MONSTER!"
Everyone went still, it was as if a bucket of ice cold water had poured on us reminding us about Lizzie being here and this conversation was going to dangerous territories.
"Seth, can you take Lizzie back to the house?" Bella asked but when Seth went to carry her she took a tight hold on Bella's waist.
"No! I wanna stay with momma!"
"Honey, it's Ok. Daddy and I just need to talk."
"Buy momma, daddy is not a monster! You were right! He's good I promise! Why are you lying uncle Jake? Why?!" She cried.
Jacob looked guilty, not because of what he said but because he had lost it and said things in front of Lizzie he shouldn't have, hurting her in the process.
Before Jacob or anyone could say anything more, I stepped in. I didn't want to put Bella in the spot once again by lying to Lizzie or being honest and hurting her.
"Can everyone please give me a moment with Elizabeth?"
"Why?" Jacob spoke over Bella, who glared at him.
"I won't take her away," I rolled my eyes at him, hearing his thoughts "I just need to talk to her… privately. Bella, you can stay of course if it'll make you feel more comfortable, but I just want to talk to her."
Bella looked dubious but nodded anyway, and everyone turned around walking back to the big house, leaving Elizabeth and I alone in the darkening forest. If Bella was staying we had to see a way of making a trail for her from the cottage to the house, with light so she wouldn't get lost at night if walking alone. Lizzie could always track her own way back to the house but it'll still make me feel better if both of them had a clear way back.
As soon as we were alone, I took Lizzie in my arms and placed her on my back. Breaking into a run and heading towards the top of the mountain, where I knew we could be alone and without interruptions. I stopped at the edge of a cliff next to the river, the night was clear so the stars shone brightly. I sat on a rock with my daughter on my lap. Her eyes were red with tears and her cheeks flushed from the run.
"I don't like Uncle Jacob anymore…" Lizzie buried her face in my chest "you are not a monster daddy. Why would he say that?" She looked up to me, a small crease between her eyebrows.
"Uncle Jacob and I… we are different, princess. That's why we don't like each other."
"Is he the same thing as Seth? The thing you won't tell me?"
I nodded.
"But you like Seth, and Seth likes you."
"Seth is different, you and him have a special bond… like me, he would do anything for you, that's why I like him."
"And Uncle Jacob wouldn't?"
"It's not that, he just… doesn't understand. He loves you too, that why he doesn't want you to be with me, he thinks I'm bad because of what I am… I'm a Vampire, remember? I'm supposed to… kill people."
"But you don't."
"I still drink blood, and the temptation is there. He's right to be careful."
"But I drink blood too… does that make me a monster too?"
"Oh, god no! Why would you say that?"
"Because I'm like you, remember?"
I frowned, not liking her thinking herself as a monster.
"You are different, you are special." I answered back.
"No I'm not, the only difference is that I have a beating heart like momma… if you are a monster, then I'm a monster too. A good monster, like Shrek." She crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly.
I chuckled.
"How do you do that? How do you make everything sound so simple?"
She shrugged with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"If momma isn't safe in the big house… why can't you come and live with us in the cottage? Just the three of us? You wouldn't hurt her she wouldn't be in danger, right?"
What she described, was what my dreams would be if I was able to dream.
"I'd really like that, angel. But I can't."
"Why not?"
How do I explain it to her? Sometimes she acts so mature, she is so smart and other times she acts like her real age, so I wasn't sure how truthful or honest I could be with her. I didn't know how much she was able to take.
"Elizabeth, your mom and I… I'd really like to live with you and your momma, I love the both of you so much… but, I did a few things that… hurt momma, so she is kind of mad at me… with good reason, that's why I can't live with you. But please know, that this is not her fault, it's mine… I'm so sorry." I said with a sad voice.
She touched my cheek and showed me the conversation we had had on the drive after "La Bella Italia" in Port Angeles, when we had had our talk about Vampires for the first time. When I had told her the reasons why I left her and Bella.
"Is she mad because you left?"
I nodded, taking her hand and kissing her palm.
"Then, why don't you tell her what you told me?"
"It's more complicated than that, is not as simple." I half lied.
I didn't want to tell her I already did but that she didn't believe me. I didn't want her to share my pain.
Lizzie looked down, her chin quivering and I held her tighter.
"I want to be with both of you."
"You'll be with both of us, you'll still see me everyday… I'll take you to school and to your ballet lessons as always, I'll still stay and watch your rehearsals…"
Bella would let me, right? She said she wouldn't take her away, and she agreed to stay in the cottage. Nothing will change, right? The only difference would be that I won't be able to cuddle with my sleeping daughter every night. I won't be able to see her dreams. I won't be there when she wakes up.
"I'll tie your green ballet shoes before class and untie them after. I'll hunt with you every weekend… we'll still be together. You'll just sleep a couple miles away, but I'll always be there, whenever you need me."
I thought about our mornings, how many times I had to hurry her for school. She has her mother for that now, all the things I had learned to do, like cooking and making her perfect buns for her ballet lessons… Bella would be the one doing that now. Don't get me wrong, I had wished for Bella to be back in our lives so much I didn't mind at all to have this small price to pay. I guess I'll just miss having my daughter to myself, but nothing compares to Bella being back… At least we still had our hunts, and piano lessons just for us.
"You promise?"
"I swear. You are my number one girl, remember?" I winked at her and her smile became more real.
"What about mom?"
"Ah, well… your momma is my number one woman of course. No other woman will beat her."
Lizzie's eyes filled with tears again.
"Hey, what's the matter?"
"I want the three of us to be together." She cried.
"We will be." I kissed her forehead.
"It's not the same." She sobbed. "Why can't momma forgive you?"
I closed my eyes as her cries stabbed me, my heart shrinking with every tear of hers and breaking with every word falling from her lips.
"Because I did something very bad." I whispered brokenly.
"But you are sorry. Doesn't she love you anymore? I know she did, she told me."
…
…
"I don't know, angel… but sometimes, it's not enough."
Lizzie cried quietly in my chest, and I let her be. The more and more she cried, I was more decided. I had a goal, I finally had something to live for, something to fight for.
My family.
In my life, I've never had something worth of this pain, something worth the struggle. And I was going to fight for it.
I let her go once, I'm not doing the same mistake ever again.
I'm going to fight for you, angel.
About half an hour later, when Lizzie was done crying and she had calmed enough we returned to the house. The others were already there too. The Denali's kept their distance, along with some of the members of my family –aka Rosalie- and were watching the news on the living room. Jasper was upstairs, keeping his distance from Bella, both to protect her and to not make her feel uncomfortable after their last encounter. He still felt bad for what happened on her birthday. Esme, Carlisle, Seth and Bella were in the kitchen. Bella and Seth were eating the food Esme and I had prepared for Bella and Lizzie.
Carlisle was asking Bella questions about her health, and she answered politely. But even without having to read her mind, I noticed the distance and off tone in her voice. By hearing Carlisle's thoughts, I knew he noticed it too and it pained him to realize Bella not only resented me, but my whole family for leaving. I had suspected as much back at the theater by the way Bella acted around Alice, and now this confirmed it.
Rosalie was right after all.
We all turned our backs to her, no wonder she didn't want to stay in the house.
As soon as we walked into the kitchen, Lizzie ran to sit on Bella's lap and hugged her. Missing her even if we were away just for half an hour, but I understand her. I was dying to hug her too, everything was still so surreal. I couldn't believe how our lives had changed today.
My angel was here, and even if I couldn't be with her, even if she hated me, she was still here. That's what mattered the most. That was a million times better than nothing, I was still thankful. My daughter won't grow up without her mother, and I… I had a chance. I had a last chance to love her, even if she won't ever take me back I was going to spend the rest of my existence trying, she was worth it. I was going to make her see, I was going to show her how much she meant to me. She deserved to know, she had to know it was never because of her, it was because of me and my stupidity.
Lizzie buried her face in Bella's neck, and our eyes met over our daughter's head. She looked exhausted, drained but above all… pained.
And I didn't have to be a genius to know it was because of me.
"Jacob's gone… he won't bother you again until tomorrow." Seth thought, and then he went to show me how Bella had yelled at him for what he said in front of Lizzie. "He's not a bad guy, he just loved Charlie too much… he was his godfather so he thinks Bella and Lizzie are his responsibility."
I nodded in acknowledgment to his thoughts, and after whispering a thank you and telling everyone to leave them alone I turned around and went for my piano. Wanting Bella and Lizzie to have a moment of their own.
I sat on the bench, and start playing a few tunes. I was still working on Lizzie's lullaby and maybe if I played it for her she would calm down a bit, knowing she'll hear it.
I was so into the song, that I didn't hear the light steps or heard her until she was standing next to me.
"Long day, huh?" Tanya whispered.
"You don't say?"
"I thought you'd be happy? You don't seem very excited I thought this was what you wanted."
"She hates me." I said in a dead voice.
"Yeah, I got that… but hey, at least she's alive? That's what it's important."
She sat on the bench next to me.
"That's a beautiful tune. Is it yours?"
I nodded.
"I've been trying to compose something for Lizzie."
…
…
"How is she?"
"Confused, she is happy Bella is back… but sad because, she is not dumb, she knows everything is wrong between Bella and I."
"Then, make things right between Bella and you."
I snorted.
"Weren't you trying to take her place just days ago?"
She rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway.
"If I didn't have a chance when she was dead, much less now that she's alive. I really love you Edward, but my family's happiness comes first and you are my family first than whatever else my crazy brain thought you were, and you'd make a beautiful family. Getting in the way would be just wrong."
"Thank you for understanding."
"It's Ok, to be honest I don't think we would have worked out. You are too broody for my cherry heart." She joked and I chuckled.
"But in all seriousness, now that I met her I see what you see. She's pretty, and by the way everyone talks about her, especially Alice she seems like a good girl. You deserve to be with someone like her, hell you need it. Maybe she can inject some life in you. You deserve to be happy."
"Are you saying I'm an old, bitter man?" I raised my eyebrow playfully, trying to stir the conversation away from this topic that pained me so much and she giggled.
"You know what I mean." She bumped her shoulder with mine and I laughed. "Anyway, we are leaving tonight by the way. I think we overstayed our welcome and we don't want to bother you or overwhelm Bella, there are too many vamps in the house already."
"Thank you." I told her, I had thought of the same but I didn't know how to bring it up without sounding rude by making them leave after just a week.
"Don't mention it, and don't look so down," Tanya said "it'll all work out, you are mates after all."
"I really hope you are right." I whispered, my mind going back to our conversation in the forest all those years ago. Her pained eyes drilling through mine, burning and killing everything inside me.
"Just be patient, I don't know the whole story but for what I know you did messed up. So now it's time to fix it."
"I really don't know how to start, I never thought I'd be in this place."
"Just be honest with her, us women appreciate honesty… and presents. Get her red roses, or chocolates… humans like that, don't they?" she frowned and I chuckled.
"Bella is nothing like that, she hates presents and she'll probably throw the chocolates to my face."
"Then get her something she likes."
"Bella is special, she is the most unique and unpredictable person I've ever known, I don't think a gift would make her love me again."
"Then give her something special, unique and unpredictable like her."
It was my turn to frown.
"Like what?"
"I don't know, you know her better… is there something she always wanted but never had?"
I could only think of one thing, but I already told her I'd change her and she said no.
"I'll think about it… thank you Tanya, you are a great friend."
"I do my best." She winked before standing up and I stood up with her. "But seriously, don't give up. This is what you wanted, didn't you."
"Yeah, this is what I want. Thank you, Tanya."
"You are welcome, now give me a hug before I leave."
I smiled at her before leaning down and wrapping my arms around her briefly. When we parted she stood on her toes and kissed my cheek.
Then we heard someone clear her throat, I turned around to see Bella on the threshold with an impassive look on her face.
"Lizzie is tired," she said, again with her cold voice "Seth is taking us back to the cottage."
"That's not necessary, I'll walk you there."
She shrugged her shoulders.
"It's Ok, you can stay here with your friend."
I frowned.
"Tanya and her family are already leaving, and I want to make sure you are safe."
"If that's what you want." She shrugged again as if she didn't care, then she turned to Tanya "It was nice meeting you." She said before turning around and walking back towards the living room.
I sighed and covered my face with my palms suppressing a sob, I felt Tanya's hand on my back.
"It'll be Ok," She soothed "be patient."
After a very sleepy Elizabeth kissed Carmen and Kate goodbye, I took her in my arms and lead the way back to the cottage. It was very dark outside, so Esme handed Bella a flashlight, obviously I didn't need one.
Jacob had left a while ago, he was pissed because when he suggested Bella and him should go back to Sundre for Bella's stuff, Seth had confessed that -while he and Bella were having lunch earlier- he had already brought her stuff to the house when he had brought his while we were on our way to Calgary. He had explained that he had assumed Bella would want to stay with Lizzie, so he wanted to save her from the trip.
Of course I knew that Seth's intentions all along was to not give Jacob an escape to whisk Bella away.
I was seriously thinking about getting him a sports car or something.
The kid had saved my ass too many times.
So now, I was holding Lizzie with one arm and carrying Bella's suitcase with the other as we walked further into the woods. The silence was awkward, and I could hear Bella's heartbeat go miles per hour. Was she scared of the dark?
But still, the silence bothered me so much. These walls between us… I was so inhumanly strong and yet I couldn't break through them. How did we end up like this? I hated this silence between us, this loud silence we were drowning in.
"Are you tired?" I asked.
I know, stupid question. Of course she was, but I was desperate. Also, it had been a while since I heard her voice. Technically, it had been just a few minutes ago when she said goodnight to my family but for me it was like an eternity.
"Yeah, long day."
…
…
"I'm really glad you decided to stay. Thank you."
She shrugged.
"Anything for her." Her eyes landed on our sleeping daughter.
Seconds later we walked into the clearing where the cottage was. The lights were still on, Alice had turned them on while Bella and I discussed earlier, before Esme showed it to us. Somehow feeling we would need it.
Bella used the key Esme gave her and opened the door. Her breath getting caught on her throat when she saw the inside of the small cabin. It really seemed out of a fairytale, it was small but beautiful and enough for Bella and Elizabeth. Again, the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the cottage with them ripped at me. But I did my best not to show it.
There were only two doors between the kitchen and the living room. One was slightly open, revealing a bathtub so I guessed the other one was the door to the bedroom. As Bella explored the rest of the cabin I went in to lay Lizzie on the queen size bed and placed Bella's suitcase on the vanity next to the dresser.
Then I sat at the edge of the bed and kissed my daughter's forehead. She stirred a little but thankfully didn't wake up. I touched her hand, making sure she was having happy dreams and sighed in relieve when I saw her colorful dreams.
"I love you." I kissed her cheek, her nose and her forehead again. "I won't be far."
Silently, I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. Bella was staring out of the window, watching the moon above the trees.
"There's no land line," I interrupted her contemplation, making her jump a little "so here" I gave her one of the dozens of cell phones we had on the house "it already has all of our numbers on speed dial, in case of an emergency but if you yell we will also be able to hear you."
She nodded.
"Thank you." She looked down at the phone, avoiding my gaze again.
…
…
…
"Bella, I mean what I said."
"You said a lot of things."
I pulled at my hair, making a death grip so I wouldn't lose it and break down in front of her. That would only scare her. When I controlled the waves of pain, I looked at her again with determination in my eyes.
"I love you, always did always will. I'm going to prove it to you."
She snorted and looked back out of the window.
"You had a weird way to show it."
"Bella, I-"
She turned around to face me fully again, her eyes hard and cold as ice.
"And I'd really appreciate it if you stop telling those things to Lizzie."
"What?" I asked stupidly.
"She showed me what you told her earlier, don't use her. She has nothing to do with us so don't use her to get to me. It's not fair, it's useless and in the end it will only end up hurting her."
"I'm sorry, and I'm not using her… what I told her was true thought. I do love you Bella, I'm-"
"I also meant what I said, don't ever tell me you love me again."
"Why not? It's true."
She rolled her eyes.
"I think you should go, I'm tired."
I nodded.
"There will be a trail by tomorrow morning. Esme is already explaining the sketch to Emmett and Jasper."
"I'll thank her in the morning," Her voice broke a little at the end and something flashed in her eyes.
I knew her face she was still an open book. I could see she was about to break down too, the events of today catching up with her, and she knew I knew it too, so she walked around me and opened the door. Telling me without words that I had to go.
My arms screamed at me to wrap them around her fragile body, to comfort her, to tell her it was going to be Ok. I had this need to protect her, to make her feel safe and loved. She looked so vulnerable, so tiny it broke my heart. What did I do to her? What do I do now? Please angel, let me help you. Let me love you.
Against my better judgment, I gave in to the urge, not standing the pain and longing and wrapped my arms around her. She stiffened and fought me off as she started to cry, trying to pull away but I didn't let her. I won't let her go, not this time. Even if it was because of me, I won't let her suffer on her own. I was going to prove to her that I was here now, that I wasn't going anywhere.
"Let me go, please." She breathed, still struggling to get away from me, her cries turning into sobs as she yanked at my shirt.
"Never." I lost you once I'm not doing it again. "I'm so sorry, angel. I'm sorry." I cried.
"Why are you doing this to me?" she finally stopped fighting me off. "And don't say because you love me, because I don't believe you. I want the truth." She whimpered.
I released her and cupped her face between my hands, making her look at me.
"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."
"Stop."
I shook my head no.
"I love you," I kissed her forehead "I love you," cheek "I love you," chin "I love you," eyes "I love you. How many times do I have to say it?" My voice broke "Why can't you believe me?"
"This ain't a fairytale."
"Bella…"
"You left, you broke your promise."
"Angel, it was a mistake. I lied, please believe me. "
She shook her head stepping away from me.
"Prove it." She challenged.
…
…
I felt a new ting of hope.
"What?" I asked stupidly.
"Prove it."
"If I do, will you give me a chance." By this point, I didn't care if she gave me a chance or not, as long as she knew the truth and stopped hurting.
…
…
"I don't know."
I brought her close to my body again and wrapped my arms around her. She was a block of ice in my embrace, her arms hanging to her sides but at least she wasn't fighting me off this time.
"I'll prove it to you. I swear."
"I won't hold my breath."
Her words again were like a slap to my face. She truly didn't believe me.
"More than yesterday." I breathed.
"What?"
I love you.
"More than yesterday."
I kissed her forehead one more time, and was out of the door a second later.
I hid in the forest, making sure Bella couldn't see me and climbed up a tree so I could have a better view of the cottage. I could hear my brothers and Carlisle in the distance, working on the trail. Even Rosalie was helping, something that surprised me. Then I heard Alice's fingers flying on the keyboard of her laptop, shopping clothes for Bella. I could also hear the sadness in her thoughts, Bella's coldness towards her had truly shaken her.
After a while, I heard some paws on the grown below me and I looked down to nod in acknowledgment at Seth. He was on his wolf form, ready and on alert.
"I thought you'd like some company," He said, but I knew he was here mostly to take care of Lizzie. "Any signs of the redhead."
I chuckled without humor and tried to listen to any unwelcome thoughts, just in case I missed something.
"No, we are good."
"How are you? You look terrible."
"I could be better." I admitted as I heard Bella get herself ready for bed inside the house. I could see her through the window in her small bathroom turn on the shower and then close the curtain of the window. Saving me from turning into a perv in front of Seth. "You should go to sleep you must be tired after today."
"Nah, I'm good." He said getting himself comfortable on the ground next to the tree I was sitting on "But if I fall asleep, wake me up if something happens."
"Will do."
We were silent after that, hearing Emmet and Jasper bicker in the distance, throwing rocks at each other and Esme berating them. It wasn't until all the lights in the cottage were off when Seth spoke again.
"She dreams of you."
"Who?"
"Bella." He said in a duh tone.
"How do you know that?"
"She sleeps a lot, some side effect of her medication. Now that I was staying at Kaya's, I caught her a few times falling asleep on the couch… she'd say your name a few times. It drove Jacob crazy." He chuckled.
I looked back at the cottage, straining to hear anything from inside. Maybe my name, coming from her lips like all those years ago when I sneaked into her room to watch her sleep at nights.
Does she still dream of me? If she does, what does she dream of? I wish I could dream of her too.
"All I'm trying to say dude," Seth continued when I didn't answer back. "is to don't give up. She does love you she's just too hurt to see it."
Was Seth right? Does she still love me? If she does, how do I make her see?
…
…
"I really hope you are right." I whispered.
Poor Lizzie! She wants mommy and daddy to be together so much!
What should Edward do? How can he prove his love for Bella? Let me know! And what about Tanya? Some of you thought she'll be causing some trouble, like she commonly does in fanfic like for example... One More Chance? Lol! I thought I should give her a break in this fic and as I said before I'm trying to stay as close to the books as possible, and Tanya was never a threat.
Jacob in the other hand... ugh, I hated him in eclipse so much! and as you can see, we are past new moon in the series and now we are getting in eclipse territory ;) *coff, coff* vamps in seattle *coff,coff*
Please leave me some love! I also have a few rec's! A few fics that have been pawning me!
"Fame" by BlueIsSoul, OMG I freaking love this fic! It's an angsty one, but it owns my heart completely! And it's so beautifully written!
"The Young Isabella" by sls87 I read the first six chaps today, and I can't wait for more!
"In Venam" by MissJanuary, now this one is only 4 chapters long so far, but it seems very promising and is soooo freaking original! Vampward and Angelbella! How cool is that?
Till next time! It might take another two weeks since I'll be working on OMC's sequel this week and I'm on spring break after all!
Saludos!
Tammy