Phew! Done!
I guess Robward will go bald since I swore on his sexy hair I'll update last weekend but the chapter took longer than I thought, you'll see why! At least it didn't took me a month like last time!
Guess what? I have new Beta/Prereader joining me on this story! Everyone please welcome Joy1 ! She's amazing and helped a lot through this chapter, so thank you so much! You have no idea how much you helped and how thankful I am for you doing this for me!
I also wanna thank my other Beta, Cattinson for her work and for the song she suggested for future chapters, I loved it!
And Lisopera, hope you are having a wonderful holiday, thank you again for your words and encouragement! Love you lots!
Now! Team Bella and Team Edward, grab your pom poms, horns, whistles and put you cheerleader outfits on cause things are gonna get tough for a couple more chapters!
Team Bella thinks Edward should grovel more, and Team Edward thinks Bella is being a bitch about it all... but please remember people, it's only been TWO days since Bella returned. Everybody is still overwhelmed and no one has stopped to see the big picture here. It's too soon for Bella to see the light and for Edward to get his head out of his ass and actually DO something to win her back. Anyway, as I said things will be tough for a couple more chapters, then well start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Bear with me, as always I promise a HEA!
SM own the world!
Chapter 19: Beside You
"Beside You" – Mariana's Trench
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud.
"You'll have me. Always."
"You said something similar years ago."
…
…
"I don't know how, I don't know when… but some day I'm going to prove it to you. That everything was a lie to protect you. I did what I did for you, because I thought it was best."
"Even if what you say is true, it still shouldn't have been your decision only. I had a say too."
"You wouldn't have accepted it."
"You are right, I wouldn't have accepted it. Because I loved you, beyond anything else. You left a few marks, so what? I've had it worse." Her voice shook.
"I know, and I'm so, so sorry love. You have no idea how difficult it was for me to leave, I swear I thought it would kill me."
"Yet you left so easily, it took what? Two, three minutes? How long were we in the forest behind my house?"
"I told you Bella, I'm a good liar."
"We finally agree on something." She finished just as the waitress arrived with her food.
"Excuse me," Bella said before she left "would you please put this in a take-out box? And bring the check?"
"Of course, ma'am."
When the waitress was gone, I spoke again with a pained face.
"If you don't want me here, I can wait outside. But please don't neglect yourself your needs because of me."
"I want to go back I can wait an hour till we get to the house." She ignored my pleading eyes, looking away out of the window again. "I'll be fine I had a lot for breakfast."
"If that's what you want."
"Thank you."
After I paid for Bella's food –which brought another round of arguments- we left the restaurant and walked to the coffee shop a few blocks away where I could hear Lizzie and Alice.
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything." I breathed.
"Can you take me to see Jacob before we leave?"
"Why?" I tried not to grit my teeth.
"I want to say goodbye to him, I'm sure he feels horrible after what he did in front of Lizzie, and I want to talk to him."
"About what?"
She glared.
"That's none your business, but if your controlling freak nature must know… I wanna thank him for everything he did for us. I also want to hand him a letter for Kaya."
Guilt washed all over me again, but the anger didn't fade away. Which made me angrier since I knew I should thank the dog, but I couldn't help it. He wanted to take Bella and Lizzie away from me.
"I don't want him near Lizzie."
Here eyes filled with ire.
Damn it.
"Why the hell not?"
"He's dangerous, and I don't trust him."
He wants to take them away from me.
Bella huffed.
"Well, I do. Jacob has been nothing but loyal to me since day one. He never abandoned me or Lizzie no matter the circumstances or what we put him through."
Touché.
I looked away, so she wouldn't see my pained and guilty eyes.
"He has protected us and went against his brothers for us he took care of your daughter while you happily chased mountain lions. He's the only family I have left and Lizzie adores him. So yes, she's seeing him and hugging him goodbye."
I shook my head stubbornly.
"I still don't trust him he can easily lose control and hurt her."
"He's not a young wolf anymore, and you could very easily do the same by not paying attention. He loves her as much as you do, he'll never hurt her intentionally."
Ouch.
I gritted my teeth, both in anger and to prevent something stupid from coming out of my mouth.
"I'm her father." I barely whispered.
"No one is questioning that, and yes you are her biological father but Jacob has been there for her the longest. He saved our lives, put his and Leah's lives on hold and cared for us. He helped me with the bills when we lived in Seattle and I couldn't work anymore, so technically he has the same rights as you."
"If I'd have known-"
"You would have taken responsibility, like you are doing now. I know, but things didn't happen that way and Jacob is in Elizabeth's life too. You have to accept that."
My jaw clenched again and I looked to the opposite side of the street. My eyes stung, and if I had been human tears would be falling down my cheeks by know.
"I know I owe Jacob the world," I started carefully "but you can't ask me to be Ok and act as if nothing is wrong when I keep hearing him plot different ways of taking you and Elizabeth away."
She came to a stop, which made me stop on my tracks and turn to her. Her eyes were serious and sincere.
"Edward, I've told you." She said softly "I'm not taking her anywhere… Elizabeth loves you I wouldn't do that to her, or you. No matter what Jacob has to say, as long as you keep being a good father for her, I have no reason to take her away."
"You promise?"
"She's yours too and she wants you in her life. I never wanted you out of it, I looked for you as soon as I found out I was pregnant but there was only so much I could do. I'm sorry you missed out on a lot of things and couldn't be there, I'm sorry you feel threatened by Jacob, but that's how it is."
"I'm so, sorry angel." I breathed "I wish I could go back in time."
"There's a lot of things we could have done differently, but now you are here… and I can tell you want to be a good dad for her, so don't screw it up because of your jealousy over Jacob. He's good for her too, he was the closest thing to a father she's had all these years, if you rip him away from her life like that it'll only hurt her."
I looked down at my red chucks, the same ones as my little angel.
"I don't want that. I swear, I just… the thought of never seeing any of you, it literally kills me Bella. I love you both so much it's insane."
When she didn't say anything back, I looked up to see her looking at me seriously. As if trying to figure out a math problem she couldn't understand.
"What?" I asked her afraid I had scared her or angered her again.
She shook her head.
"Nothing, let's go."
Just as Jacob pulled open the cab's door that would take him to Calgary's airport, I pulled up several feet behind him, far away enough so Lizzie won't hear what Bella and Jacob would discuss as Bella requested. He had been wearing a scowl, until he laid his eyes on us, or more exactly on Bella and Lizzie. They softened a little but put the mask back right away when his eyes met mine.
Bella opened her door and stepped outside, breaking into a run and throwing herself in Jacob's arms, hugging him tightly as if her life depended on him.
I looked away, it pained me so much to see her act like her old self around others but me, to see her hug and kiss another man but me.
"Hey loca! I thought you had forgotten about me." Jacob put her back on the ground and smiled at her.
"Don't be stupid, I'll never forget about you. You are my best friend." Bella cried.
"How are you?" Jacob took a step back to watch Bella's face better, "You are looking pale."
"Couldn't sleep much last night, new surroundings and stuff."
Jacob gave her a look as if he didn't believe her, then his eyes flickered to mine with a glare which I returned. Then revived the car and drove away as Bella had ordered me, she wanted privacy with Jacob but what she didn't know was that I still kept close enough to listen. I needed to know she was safe and that that mutt wouldn't hurt her or fill her brain with more crap. Jacob took her hand and walked her into the forest across the road, shielding themselves from human passerbys ears.
"If you need anything, let me know. I know this is what you want, and I'm going to respect that, but if you need anything just let me know. I'll be back in a heartbeat to rip his head off." Jacob said as my car disappeared when I rounded the corner.
"Jake," Bella scolded. "I came to say goodbye; please don't start that again. He won't hurt us. We are fine."
Jacob shrugged.
"He has done it before, what makes you think he won't do it again?"
"Because he loves Elizabeth, he can't lie about that. I see it in his face and you have seen it in Seth's thoughts."
He thought for a moment and it took everything within me not to turn around and shred him to tiny pieces. In the backseat Alice distracted Lizzie with light talk about the difference between Russian and Cuban ballet.
"Once the novelty wears off and he needs his distractions again, call me. I'll come and take you home." He stated.
"He might have abandoned me, but he won't do that to Lizzie. She is his own flesh and I've seen the special bond that Seth talked about in them. He needs her as much as she needs him."
"Still, when this doesn't work out anymore call me and I'll be here." He said confidently and again I fought the urge to at least scream at him. Who does he think he is? "But I have to ask you once again, are you sure this is what you want? Being up here all alone?"
"Alone? I won't be alone Jake. I'll have Lizzie and Seth with me."
It hurt me to no end that she had excluded me and my family from that equation.
"Their house is in the middle of nowhere, you can't drive around for yourself and living with them will force you to cut all social life. And from what I got from Seth's thoughts this morning, you are not very talky talky with either of them. You'll drive yourself crazy, are you sure you'd do all this for him? Just so he can see Lizzie everyday? In my opinion, you are sacrificing too much for him after all he did."
"I'm not doing it for him I'm doing it for her. I lost both of my parents I don't want Lizzie to have the same fate as me."
"This is a very different scenario, Rene abandoned you and Charlie was murdered. The leech can still visit her whenever he wants."
"I won't take her father away from her."
"And what about you? What about your happiness?"
Bella scoffed.
"This isn't about me Jacob my life isn't mine anymore… I have a hybrid daughter, I can't move on with my life, don't you see? It'll put her in danger, and I'd never even dream of leaving her behind. Last year I had no other option, I was dying and I needed to make sure she would be safe and taken care of. I'm stuck here, this is as far as my life will go, and to be honest I don't care. Lizzie is far way better than any other dream I could have. She makes me happy, I don't need anything else."
"You are wrong. You could move on with your life; I'm sure Paul won't mind." He smirked.
What?!
My whole body stiffened when I read Jacob's thoughts, he had been so careful about not giving away this piece of information before.
Paul? The freaking dog that scared my daughter for life when he phased and endangered her? What's the story here? What did I miss?!
"Ugh, please," Bella made a face, "He's an idiot. Besides, I'm sure he'll find his imprint soon."
"It's not a rule Bella. Just give it a thought. You have a family with us back at the rez. As soon as you feel comfortable with telling Lizzie about the wolf thing, you wouldn't have to hide so much. You don't owe him anything; he made his choices."
"I know that. I know I owe him nothing, but I'm not going to do what my mom did and run away with Lizzie. I missed a lot of time with Charlie and now I wish I had seen him more." Bella's voice broke and Jacob engulfed her in another hug. Bella closed her eyes and buried her face in the mutt's chest.
"I want my daughter to spend time with her father because that's what I should have done when I could. Instead I spent my time throwing tantrums every time my mom would send me over the summers, or wallowing about a stupid vampire who left me instead of spending time with the only person that truly loved me for who I was. I don't want Lizzie to hate me because I took that away from her because of my anger."
"Shhh… it's Ok, don't cry please." Jacob caressed the back of her head and my arms burned to hold her and take away all her pain.
"You have no idea how much I miss him Jacob, how much I regret not telling him 'I love you' everyday because I was so stupidly giving my love away to someone who didn't deserve it or want it."
"And yet, you are still here. With him."
Bella took a step back and glared.
"I'm not with him, Jacob. Charlie was right; Edward wasn't good for me."
"Bella, please." He scoffed, "You can try and fool everyone, but you can't fool me! I know that look, I know those tears… you are still in love with him."
"No, I'm not." Bella said taken aback.
"Yes, you are. Otherwise you wouldn't cry or look away every time someone said his name."
"I cry because all this is too much Jacob! I'm scared shitless! Four years ago I was a happy, normal teenager! Now I'm a lonely twenty one year old girl, trying to grow up too fast to be a mother in a world where vampires and wolves and magic are supposed to belong to fairytales and horror stories! And to top it all that I'm barren, my father was murdered, my heart is broken and I suffered a painful disease! All because I fell in love with a stupid vampire who tossed me away like a bag of fucking trash! Of course I cry! Do you think I really want this? You really think I want to spend the rest of my life hiding in a freaking mountain?!"
"Then why the hell are you here?!"
"Because I don't want Elizabeth to hate me!"
"She won't hate you, she'll understand."
Bella shook her head, and I don't think I have taken a breath in the last ten minutes.
"Edward might be a lot of things… he might be a liar, manipulative and controlling. But he is a good dad, he could have said no to Mark when he located him but he took responsibility and cared for Lizzie. She freaking adores him, she can't do anything without looking back at him to see if he saw her. They are each other's world and no matter how much he hurt me, and how much I want to hurt him back I won't do the same thing to him. That'll make me like him and it'll only hurt Lizzie."
"But what about you? What about your happiness? They have eternity to be with each other, but you don't. Last year should be enough proof of that. You have to live your own life Bella, you have to be happy too and staying here like a prisoner ain't that."
"And going back to La Push won't be much different. I still have to hide, everyone thinks I'm dead and not everyone at the rez knows about Lizzie, wolves or vampires. Victoria is around I've put you in much danger already with those nomads that attacked us before Lizzie was born. I don't want to risk the Cullen's either but they are a little more durable than you."
She sat on the ground leaning against a tree, breathing hard as if she was suddenly exhausted. I tensed when I noticed her going even paler.
"Are you Ok?"
"Yeah, I just haven't had lunch."
"Bella." Jacob said angrily. "Is he depriving you from your needs?"
Bella scoffed.
"Of course not Jacob, don't be stupid. We just went to the groceries store and it got late."
"Bella, how do you want me to leave in peace if I can't trust you to take care of yourself? Much alone can I trust him with you? Charlie wouldn't have liked this, he didn't trust him either."
Bella looked up, eyes angry again.
"And if I had listened to him, Lizzie wouldn't be here and I'd probably be dead by now. I know I have to take care of myself, and I am… it's just that's been a crazy couple of days."
"Should I send someone to remind you to feed every four hours?"
"God! Can you please trust me for once?! People have bossed me around enough, Jacob. I can take care of myself let me have some control of my own life for god's sake." She muttered the last.
"You are so stubborn woman," Jacob laughed without humor, "Crap, Leah is gonna kick my ass when I come back without you."
Bella giggled drying her tears with her sleeve and Jacob sat next to her next to the tree.
"Send her to me."
They remained in silence for about five minutes, lost in their own thoughts until Bella spoke again.
"I want to thank you Jacob. For everything you did, I wouldn't have survived without you… you are my hero. Even if sometimes I feel like kicking your annoying ass." She laid her head on his shoulder and Jacob chuckled.
"Nah, you did it all in your own. I'm very proud of you sis," He threaded his meaty hand through her short hair "you were very brave. I was just there to hold your hand."
Bella started crying and wrapped her arms around him again.
"You didn't just hold my hand, Jake. You did so much more than what was necessary. I love you, and please keep your promise…"
"I'll never leave you, Bells. I'm just one phone call away. If I could I'd move here into the woods too but I can't leave the rez behind… much less now that Leah is finally pregnant."
"What?!" Bella gasped, her eyes going wide.
"She stopped phasing after Rebecca died," Jacob's eyes turned somber. "It finally happened."
"Why didn't you tell me?!" She slapped his arm and he laughed wholeheartedly.
"Just found out a few days ago, you were all over the place, arranging everything to come here."
"I'm so happy for you Jake! God, I'll call her a soon as I get to the cottage."
"She'll love that; she's over the moon."
They started talking about dates and wolf related stuff, and finally I relaxed my posture. I stretched my knuckled that were surprisingly sore from the iron fists I had made over my lap. Two minutes later, Bella called telling me to bring Lizzie so she could say goodbye to Jacob.
On our way back the ride was uncomfortably silent, even Alice was quiet. Lizzie had cried when she had hugged Jacob goodbye, yesterday's incident long lost in her memory. It only proved how much Jacob meant to her and I realized Bella was right. Even if I couldn't stand the mongrel, I had to accept he was part of Lizzie's life too.
But that wasn't the reason behind the tension in my shoulders neither was Bella's muteness and silent mind. The reason I was over the edge were Bella's words going on loop in my mind.
"I cry because all this is too much Jacob! I'm scared shitless!"
"I'm not with him, Jacob. Charlie was right; Edward wasn't good for me."
"I'm barren, my father was murdered, my heart is broken and I suffered a painful disease! All because I fell in love with a stupid vampire who tossed me away like a bag of fucking trash!"
"Wallowing about a stupid vampire who left me instead of spending time with the only person that truly loved me."
"Because I don't want Elizabeth to hate me!"
"Of course I cry! Do you think I really want this? You really think I want to spend the rest of my life hiding in a freaking mountain?!"
"You are my hero."
"I regret not telling him 'I love you' everyday because I was so stupid giving my love away to someone who didn't deserve it or want it."
I thought I understood Bella's pain and anger towards me, but now… I knew that was only the surface over a deep ocean of pain, regret, anger and hate. It wasn't only my leaving that hurt her it was way more deep than that. I finally truly understood what she meant about me taking everything away from her.
Did I have any hope left?
Do I even dare to hope?
I know the right thing to do should be to let them go, have their lives away from me. Jacob was right, Bella deserved happiness… she should be able to walk around the world freely and without pain. But we were tied, for several reasons… one, it'll only hurt Elizabeth. Two, Victoria is around. Three… I won't ever break a promise again. I won't leave her again… I won't abandon them, not ever again. And fourth, I loved her too much and I was a selfish creature to let them go that easily.
I'll fight for her.
I won't break another promise, I won't abandon her and I'll prove her that she is the only one for me. If she takes me back or not, -which I don't think she'll ever will- that'll be her decision, and the fight will still be worth it and I'll spend the rest of my existence making it up to her, being what she needs. A driver, a bank, a friend, slave, acquaintance whatever she wants to make all this easier for her.
But first, I'll fight for her.
I learned my lesson, giving up so easily will make me less worthy of her. Bella deserved to be fought for.
I'll wash away every tear and erase all the pain her soul carries. I'll avenge her father, I'll kill Victoria and I give her the world if she wants it.
We got to the house around five, and I walked Bella and Lizzie to the cottage. Carrying all the groceries and Bella's food from the restaurant. Once in the cottage I help Bella store everything away while Lizzie did her homework for school tomorrow. When Bella and I are done, she starts preparing her dinner in silence, she hasn't said a word since we left Jacob's motel. I sat by Lizzie to help and check her homework. Once that's done too it's awkward again. I wrack my brain for any excuses for staying a little longer but come up blank. By now Bella's done with her dinner and starts preparing for the night. I take the hint that I have overstayed my welcome so after kissing Lizzie goodnight and telling her I'll be picking her up at seven to take her to school, I head for the door.
"I put your medicines on the nightstand next to your bed," I tell Bella when we are by the door, I want her to say something "I also left a bottle of water for you."
She rolls her eyes.
"You didn't have to do that, but thanks."
We stand there in another awkward silence, I can tell she wants me to leave already but doesn't want to be rude and close the door on my face.
With a heavy heart, I turn around and took a step in direction of the big house but, hell. Before she has closed the door, I'm back in front of her and she's startled, her eyes going a little wide.
We are so close I can feel the warmth radiating from her body all over me, her scent is as strong as ever and venom flows freely around my mouth. I'm surprised at how easy is to ignore the burn in my throat, lust, love and longing way stronger feelings and needs.
I'm about to tell her I heard her conversation with Jacob, but I decide to keep it for another time. I can tell she's exhausted and I don't want to anger her right now and get in another fight with her. So I decide on something else.
"Remember when you woke up after James' attack?"
"Yes?" She stammers, her heart beating wildly against her chest and a lovely blush covering her cheeks. Her reaction to my closeness makes me hopeful that maybe, she lied to Jacob and she still feels something for me.
What are you feeling angel? What's going through that pretty head of yours.
"Do you remember what I told you?" I whisper.
"Which part?"
"When you asked me to stay, when you were afraid to close your eyes because you thought I'd leave. You remember what I told you."
She swallows.
"What did I say, Bella?"
"As long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you." She whispered back.
You have to see angel.
"Would you do me a favor?"
She just stares at me and I took that as a yes.
"Tonight, think about those words… my actions and put yourself in my shoes for a minute or two, when you have come up with an answer… tell me what you'd have done if the tables were turned."
With that I leaned down and kissed her cheek, then traced my lip up her jaw till I reached her ear.
"Remember, I'm the masochistic lion." I kissed her temple "I love you."
And then I was gone.
Well, not really. I just hid in the forest once again, making sure she wouldn't see me. She stood there on the threshold for almost a whole minute, just staring in the direction I had left. I couldn't read her expression, she looked something between confused and about to cry but after a few more seconds she closed the door and went inside.
When Seth joined me about an hour later on his wolf form, I decided to quickly go into the house and change into fresh clothes. I had been wearing the same clothes since Bella arrived, not daring to let her out of my sight or hearing range for long but tomorrow I had to go into town and some of Lizzie's classmates are also in her Ballet class with her. Besides, Bella would get suspicious if I kept appearing with the same clothes. I know she'd throw a fit if she knew I stayed every night watching over them since the reason for her wanting to stay in the cottage was privacy.
I know I should be ashamed, since I'm pretty much behaving like some weird peeping tom and I promised Bella her privacy but even if I was only five seconds away, Victoria could harm them in one. Therefore, I'm staying. Of course there were other selfish reasons but the most important and the one that out weight the rest was their safety. Even Seth agreed with me, that's why he kept me company every night.
Since I trusted Seth and Jasper had taken my place in the spruce with Alice. I decided to take a quick shower as well, to clean me up too. I also needed the time to think. When I was done I pulled on a pair of jeans and a deep blue button down shirt, rolled my journal on the inside of my jacket and was good to go. But before heading to the cottage, I recalled my mission and Bella saying that actions spoke louder. Then I remembered Tanya's and I conversation on the piano.
"Just be honest with her, us women appreciate honesty… and presents. Get her red roses or chocolates… humans like that, don't they?"
"Bella is nothing like that, she hates presents and she'll probably throw the chocolates in my face."
"Then get her something she likes."
"Bella is special, she is the most unique and unpredictable person I've ever known, I don't think a gift would make her love me again."
"Then give her something special, unique and unpredictable like her."
Given my current situation, I was ready to try out anything.
Before going to relieve Jasper and Alice from their duty. I went deep into the forest in search of flowers. I know Bella would throw red roses in my face so I searched for something special, unique and unpredictable like her.
I thanked my lucky stars we were in spring already, so there was lot to pick up from. I managed to make her a pretty and colorful little bouquet with rare different types of flowers and used the ribbon on my journal to tie them together. When I was happy with the final result I looked up the sky and I could tell dawn would be here soon, so I raced back home.
"Pretty." Alice thought when she saw the flowers before her and Jasper backed away.
I climbed the tree and sat on the branch as the prior night, put the flowers next to me and reached for my journal to lose myself in my own words.
Bella's alarm woke her up and hour later and I heard her do something in the kitchen. I closed my journal and move to another tree so I could watch her through the window.
She was making herself tea and toast for breakfast.
Just toast for breakfast?
I felt a tiny bit better when she grabbed a yogurt as well. She needs to eat more, she needs to gain her weight and color back. Then I watched as she started getting herself ready for the day. It hurt when I had to see how long she spend brushing her hair, as if taking extra care and using one of the products she got yesterday. Around six thirty, she woke up Lizzie and helped her get ready too.
"At what time is daddy coming?"
"Any minute now… you want to wear your red chucks again?"
"Yes!"
Bella chuckled.
"Why are you so damn cute? Huh?" She nibbled Lizzie's check playfully "I wish I could eat you."
Lizzie giggled.
"And I love your red chucks, I kind of want a pair."
Bella sat Lizzie by the edge of the bed and kneeled in front of her to tie her shoes.
"Daddy got them for me in New York." Lizzie touched Bella's check I guessed showing her our shopping trip.
"That was nice of him did you two have a good time?"
"Yes, but I missed you more. Where were you momma?"
"I was at Emily's sister house, I was still a little sick so I couldn't come back." She explained.
"Oh. But why didn't you call?" Lizzie voice dropped a few octaves "Daddy and I were very sad when we thought…"
"I know honey," Bella sat next to her and gathered in her arms "and I'm sorry. I didn't know you thought that and… when you are older I'll explain it better, Ok? But I'm sorry, and I want you to know I love you more than anything, and I'll never leave you again."
"Promise?"
"I swear. I love you Lizzybizzy, I thought of you every moment I was away."
"What about daddy?"
My whole body stiffened.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, did you miss him too?"
Lizzie touched Bella's cheek, I wished I could know what she was showing her but since I couldn't read any of their minds I was left in the dark.
After a minute, Bella sighed.
"Lizzie, we need to talk about your dad."
Lizzie's chin quivered and I closed my eyes, preparing myself for what I was about to hear. How much more daggers straight to the heart could I take? How many twists?
"That stunt you pulled yesterday… that was not nice sweetie."
"Why not? Daddy's sorry momma, he wants to say he's sorry. I wanted to help him."
"Baby, I know you love your dad and both of us love you too even more, but what happens between him and me, that's between the two of us."
"I just wanted to see you happy." Lizzie mumbled.
"I am happy, I have you honey. You make me very, very happy. I don't need anyone else, I know you want your daddy and me to be together, and I understand that more than you think. But sometimes things aren't supposed to be the way we want."
"Don't you love daddy anymore?"
I held my breath.
…
…
"I, I do love your dad… in a way. He's your dad so I'll always have a special spot for him, but I don't love him in that way you mean. I'm sorry."
"Why not?" Lizzie asked softly with a trembling voice. "Because he lied? He's sorry momma, look." Lizzie went to touch Bella's cheek again but she stopped her.
"Elizabeth, it's not just that… it's been a long time." Bella said carefully making me think about her confession yesterday about fearing Lizzie would hate her "People change, things change. I know this is difficult for you, and you don't understand much but I promise someday you will and everything will make more sense."
Lizzie started crying quietly.
"Shh… I'm sorry baby, the last thing I want is to hurt you, I'm sorry… but that's how things are. I'm sorry." Bella cried.
I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to make my presence known and knocked on the door.
After a minute, Bella opened the door without looking me in the eyes and stepped aside to let me in, she looked up when I didn't move.
"Hello." I told her, searching her eyes.
"Hi. Uhm, she's almost done but…"
"I heard." I told her.
"Of course you did." She said trying to sound annoyed but she was in too much pain for that.
"I'll talk to her in a minute, uhm I got you these."
I held up the bouquet I had made for her. Now, it didn't look like such a great idea. She looked behind her, then back at me before she walked around me out into the forest I followed her until she stopped at the edge of the clearing and turned around to face me.
"What for?" She dried her tears with her sleeve and crossed her arms across her chest.
I shrugged.
"Well, I don't know about you but in my world people used to give flowers to loved ones, whether they were just courting, to show them they cared or to say I love you."
"So?" She raised and eye brow.
"I told you I was going to prove myself to you." I said quietly.
"By giving me flowers?" She asked skeptically "What's next? Chocolate and candies? They don't mean anything, they are just plants." She pushed them against my chest.
"They do mean something," I placed them back into her hands "I'm just realizing all I did wrong in the past. For starters, I never ever gave you flowers. Something so simple so I'm rectifying my mistakes one by one."
"As I said, they don't mean anything. Mike gave me flowers when you left, after Charlie died he realized how broken I was and turned around scared like a little boy."
"Don't compare me to Mike."
"Why not? Both of you are more alike than what you think. You don't know what you want."
I looked up at the cloudy sky.
"I do know what I want" I looked back at her, willing her to see the truth in my eyes "I want you to have my name and Elizabeth to have both of her parents together. I want to stop all the pain I've causeed both of you. I want to give you a family."
"Why? So you can appease your guilt?"
"Bella, I-"
"Edward," She cut me off "it's too early to have this conversation again." She rubbed her temples "And to be honest, I'm disappointed in you. I thought you knew me better than this. You know I hate presents and gifts, this is not a Hollywood clichéd movie."
"I know that, I'm sorry… it's just, Tanya suggested it. She said woman liked this and I thought I'd give it a try?"
Her eyes filled with fire.
"Well, tell your friend not every woman is the same."
She turned abruptly and walked back to the cottage.
"Bella, wait-"
"Lizzie, your dad's here!" She called as she walked into the cottage, tossing the flowers on the breakfast table and leaving me confused as ever standing by the door.
Lizzie popped her head out of her and Bella's room, and instantly ran and jumped into my arms.
"I'll go and finish getting ready." Bella said walking back into her room and closing the door behind her.
I held my daughter close to my chest and closed my eyes breathing her in. She smelled a mix of her and Bella's scent and my body welcomed the sense of peace I felt when I had her close.
She was the only cure to my pain.
"Hi beautiful, did you sleep Ok?" I kissed her hair.
She just nodded hiding her face in my neck and discretely touched my check.
Bella and Lizzie's earlier conversation.
"I love you," I whispered so Bella wouldn't hear "It'll be Ok."
It killed me to feel my daughter's pain, but what killed me the most was that she could feel mine as well. We stood there in the small living room holding each other in comfort. It made me mad that she had to hold so much pain at such young age. Again I blamed my damned vampire genetics. If it wasn't for me and our bond she would be like this.
"I love you too daddy."
Bella walked out of her room then and stopped on her tracks when she saw the scene playing in the living room. She bit her lip and looked down.
"Time to go." She mumbled.
The drive to Sundre, even if I managed to make an hour drive into a twenty minutes drive was the longest I've ever been in.
We arrived at Lizzie's school a quarter to eight, the guard at the entrance eyed us weirdly since we were always late but we ignored him and passed him. Lizzie wanted to show Bella her classroom, and Bella wanted to know Lizzie's teacher. She had missed Lizzie's first day in school and that was killing her, so she wanted to know everything about the school and Lizzie's classmates. Yesterday, Lizzie had been excited about this but now, since she was in a glum mood she wasn't able to enjoy the experience as much as she wanted. She pulled Bella by her hand through every hallway and corner of the small school and pointed out everything she like but the usual lightness and happiness in her voice was missing.
"This is my desk." Lizzie pointed, "Mrs. Autumn lets us paste pretty pictures on them." Lizzie showed us the pictures she had drawn. "I have more on the wall in the back. You want me to show you? I made one of us in La Push." Lizzie smiled at her mother hopefully.
"I'd love that." Bella smiled warmly at her and took her hand once again "Show me." She winked and both of them walked to the back of the room.
"Mr. Cullen?" Mrs. Autumn asked, and I turned to face the kind old woman.
"Hello ma'am."
"I'm surprised to see you here so early, that's a first." she tried to joke but I saw her eyes were trained to the back of the room. A few other kids entered the room at that moment, their parents kissing them goodbye.
"Lizzie wanted to show her mother her classroom"
"Oh! That's Mrs. Cullen then?"
And here comes the awkwardness.
"Miss Swan. We are not married." I corrected.
"Oh, sorry my bad." She blushed, "I've never had the pleasure of meeting her so I didn't know."
"No problem." I smiled at her. She kind of reminded me to Mrs. Cope back at Fork's High, sweet, kind and caring.
"Mrs. Autumn!"
"Well hello Elizabeth! How are you this morning?"
"Good," Lizzie took Bella's hand pulling her to the front of the room to us "Momma, this is Mrs. Autumn. Mrs. Autumn, this is my momma."
"Hi, I'm Bella." Bella offered her hand.
"Nice meeting you Bella, I'm so glad to finally meet you. You have a very bright and beautiful daughter."
"Thanks." Bella smiled.
I let Bella and Mrs. Autumn talk, and as the class was starting to fill I took Lizzie to her desk. I helped her put her backpack on the back of the chair and her lunch bag under her chair.
"Remember," I kneeled next to her "if you don't feel like eating-"
"Throw it away without anyone noticing." She mocked my voice and I chuckled.
"That's my girl. Now, Alice is outside ready to take momma home but I'll be in the woods as always, Ok? If you need me just call for me."
She nodded with a sweet smile and kissed my cheek.
"Alright," I pulled her braid playfully, "Love you angel."
"Love you too, daddy."
I poked her nose and stood up, walking back to Bella and Lizzie's teacher.
"…she is a great student, very responsible and well behaved. The only thing I'm concerned about is her lack of social skills. I know some kids can be shy, but she gets really nervous when someone else talks to her, it's as if she was afraid of saying the wrong thing… she's always by herself."
"I know," I cut in, "We are working on that. She's moved a lot so she is not used to being around other people." I half lied.
Lizzie was not used to being around other people because of what she was. Bella always kept her in hiding at La Push and when she took her out in Seattle she wasn't allowed to talk to strangers because her behavior wouldn't be normal. Bella tried to teach her but since she's human she wasn't able to fully understand in how vampires are different from humans. For example, I don't think she knows we don't need to blink. That's something we do to look normal, or how we move our shoulders on purpose to look like we are breathing when we cross with some whose blood appeals to us. She didn't understand how our bodies worked so she couldn't explain Lizzie, who was born that way unlike us, who had been humans once so we knew the differences and were able to act like humans.
Therefore there are a lot of things we do on purpose to be able to interact with humans that Bella doesn't know. A lot of them Lizzie inherited from me. That's why for the past year I've been training Lizzie how to act human so she could go to school and to her ballet lessons.
"Well, I'm glad to hear that but if you need any help you can count on us. Karen, the school's counselor is great with children, so if you have any questions you can come to her."
"Thank you," Bella said "but we don't think that'll be necessary, she just needs time to adjust." Bella said then, politely declining the offer.
Lizzie couldn't go to a counselor, you need to speak the truth for therapy to work and if Lizzie told the truth about what she was and why she struggled with it, I'm sure they'd send us all to a loon house.
After Bella kissed Lizzie goodbye, we left the school and met Alice by the sidewalk across the street.
"Alice? What are you doing here?" Bella asked.
"I came to pick you up." Alice smiled and Bella turned to me in confusion.
"I always stay with her, just in case Victoria decides to visit and she's still nervous to be around humans on her own."
"Why?"
I shrugged.
"She fears she'll mess up or do something wrong so she feels better if she knows I'm watching her. I hide in the woods so no one sees me."
"Oh, ok then. Uhm I can stay too."
I shook my head.
"You didn't have a real breakfast and it's going to rain soon."
"How do you know I didn't have a real breakfast?" She asked suspiciously.
"Your stomach was grumbling the whole ride here." I lied, but thankfully she seemed to believe me. I didn't think it'd go very well if she knew I spied on them every time I wasn't with them.
I tried to tell myself it was only for safety reasons but deep inside I knew there was a selfish reason as well.
"Ready to go?" Alice gave her a timid smile, "We can stop at the dinner if you don't want to go back yet. Or we can hang around until Lizzie's out of school."
"I don't want to take your time, Alice."
"Oh, believe me, you're not. I have tons of time, c'mon it'll be fun! We can go to a library if you want; there's a huge one in Calgary. No shopping, I promise." She held up her right hand and Bella chuckled in spite of herself.
"I want to stay too. I promised her I'd be here when school's over. I can stay in your car." She turned to me.
"No. It's for several hours Bella. You'll tire and you need to rest."
Her eyes flared.
"What do you mean no? Who do you think you are? I've rested for a long time now, I'm healthy and fine. The doctors cleared me, when are you going to get that?" She glared, "Stop fussing over me, I'm not a child!"
"Then stop behaving like one! I just don't want you to push yourself too much! You are Ok now but that doesn't mean it's over! You are still in recovery; you can't overexert yourself. You can still fall ill again."
"Watching over my daughter is not a problem. I'll be sitting in a freaking car for god's sake!"
It was my turn to glare. She still didn't have any sense of self-preservation.
"It is a problem when you have bags under your eyes, you haven't slept well and you still have to eat something. How much do you weight now? Huh? 90 pounds? If you want to be there for Elizabeth then you have to be whole and ready for her!"
We glared at each other, her eyes filled with tears and she turned away.
Crap. IDIOT!
"Bella, wait…" I followed her and grabbed her arm, "I'm sorry."
"Leave me alone," She roughly shook her arm away but I didn't let her go, "I'll be back in an hour," then she turned to Alice "Don't you dare follow me."
"Bella, I'm sorry I'm just worried ab-"
She cut me off again, and I could tell this was it. She had had enough.
"What do you want me to say Edward? That it's Ok? That I forgive you? That the last four years didn't matter? I can't do that, believe me I want to just to put a stop to all this pain so Elizabeth won't suffer anymore but I can't! I told you to prove it to me but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. You left and I still went through hell no matter why you left. I can't forgive you for what you did, it's too much."
"You took my family, my dreams, my life, my heart… you took everything with you. You say you left because you wanted me to have a normal human life, but guess what? I can't even do that now! I'm tied to your world, since the moment you walked into my life I was damned! Years ago nothing would have made me happier and now you turned it into a nightmare! I hate being with you!"
"Bella, please listen to-" I cried but she was on fire.
"I hate the danger you put Lizzie into, you should have been there for her since the beginning protecting her! We were both scared, we didn't know left from right! I felt so helpless that I couldn't feed my own daughter! I hated bringing her to the hospitals with me! I hated when she saw me cry in pain. AND I hate how you keep patronizing me and telling me what's best as if I was an idiot! I hate that you took my options away too! I hate you!"
My hand released her upper arm as if it was suddenly on fire. When I looked down, I could see the burises already appear from me not letting go of her when she wanted me to.
"And you," She turned to Alice whose eyes were red with unshed tears, "Stop following me around, I'm not your little pet anymore."
-SLA-
He stared at me curiously and I moved across the seats of my truck until I reached his side, my eyes never leaving his gorgeous face. Without breaking our gaze I threw one leg across him and straddled his lap. His eyes widened and a breath got caught in his throat as without a warning, I locked my lips with his.
He kissed me back, bewildered but willing. His lips were gentle against mine, and I could tell his mind was elsewhere trying to figure out what was on mine. I decided he needed a hint.
My hands were slightly shaky as I unlocked my arms from around his neck. My fingers slid down his neck to the collar of his shirt. The trembling didn't help as I tried to undo the buttons before he stopped me.
His lips froze, and I could almost hear the click in his head as he put together my words and actions.
He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving and pained.
"Bella, no." He said grabbing me by my arms.
"You promised, whatever I wanted." I reminded him without hope.
"You are crazy, we are not having this discussion." He glared at me while he refastened the two buttons I'd managed to open.
My teeth clamped together.
"I say we are." I growled.
I moved my hands to the top buttons on my dress and yanked them open but then, he grabbed my wrists and pinched them to my sides.
"I say we are not," He hissed, "did you hit your head earlier? Are you suicidal?"
We glared at each other.
"No I didn't, and I'm not suicidal or crazy. I want this Edward, I want you… please." I begged and he looked away, his eyes were hard and unreadable.
"No." He said, still ignoring my pleading eyes.
"What is it? I trust you Edward, I want this… don't you… don't you want me?"
When he didn't respond I let out a strangled sob, opened the door and run out back to my house.
…
…
"Bella, wait."
Ouch! Harsh words Bella, you think Edward deserves them? Do you think Bella is being immature and a bitch or do you think she was too soft on Him? What about Edward? You want to kill him or hugg him and kiss him better? I know I'd love any excuse for the later ;)
Who else wants to shot the mongrel a bullet through his thick skull?
Next chapter... we'll have another vamp re-entering the story... guess who?
Till next week!
¡Saludos!
Tammy
P.S. Fic Rec!: Everything I Knew by MissJanuary ! It's kind of slow at first but OMG I love this Edward! The plot is pretty good and good writing. Let her know I sent you!
If you have any fic rec, let me know! I'm in a mobward mood, so if you have something besides the ones by CaraNo (which I've already read a thousand times, Juniuh and Whistler kill me everytime) and the storm series let me know!