I'm SO SO sorry! I know, I'm horrible and I throughly apologize for this monthly update. I can'r promise it won't happen again because I can't know that but for now I'm seriously back to weekly updates. I'm finally done with the school year, I'll take one class in the summer but that's it. And as an "I'm sorry" gift, this chapter is almost 10,000 words so get yourself comfortable cause it very long!
This chapter was pre-readed by Lisopera and pre-reader AND betaed by Joy1 who is amazing and has done a wonderful job making my story prettier and readable. Her insight is amazing!
This chapter has only been betaed once. Once I hear from Cattinson I'll repost but since I know you've been waiting long enough I didn't want to keep you waiting!
"You and Me" Will update in the next few days!
SM owns everything.
"Stranger" – Secondhand Serenade
Turn around,
Turn around and fix your eye in my direction
So there is a connection.
I can't speak,
I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention
I'm staring at perfection.
Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are.
You call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger,
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.
I'm broke and abandoned you are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight.
I'm confident,
But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you.
I knew you could see right through me
I saw my life flash right before my very eyes
And I knew just what we'd turn into
I was hoping that you could see
Take a look at me so you can see...
It's been two months since the day Bella walked away from Alice and I. Later that day, when we were both calmed down, I tried to explain and apologize for my behavior but that only made things worse. She said she is sick of hearing me say "sorry" every time we see each other- that it's getting old. We screamed, we fought, we cried and then got angry again, and it's been like that since then.
Esme says I need to give her time and space, that all this changes are still too much for her and I'm just overwhelming her. I know she's right. I know, but that doesn't make this separation easier. I'm torn, I don't want her to think that I gave up, or that I don't care about her by leaving and giving her space, but on the other hand… if I'm there she thinks I'm being controlling and patronizing. I can't win, it feels as if every decision I make will come with huge consequences and that's what's stopping us from moving forward.
In the end, since my words are not working, I decided to try the other option.
Give her space.
And that is pure torture, seeing her but not being able to talk to her, touch her, tell her how much I love her. It hurts to see that she seems perfectly fine with this arrangement. Carlisle said I have to be patient, that Bella went through a lot of traumatizing situations, now she has four walls up around her to protect herself- which is normal according to him. Jasper says she's hurt beyond reason - like I already didn't know that- she's bitter and angry because of everything life has thrown at her and that's what's blinding her from seeing the truth in my words.
But most of all, she is afraid.
Of what? I'm not sure.
What hurts the most is to see the shadow of the girl I loved beyond reason, the girl I left in the forest four years ago. That girl is gone, now her eyes are lifeless, her spirit is vanished, I destroyed her with my actions and my neglect. The only times I get a glint from that girl is when our daughter is in the same room.
What's even worse, not only does Bella hate my guts but also my family. The other day, while Lizzie was at school Emmett, Alice and Jasper went to invite Bella to go to the movies at Calgary that night, only to have the door closed to their faces. She thinks she has no allies, that all of us betrayed her, that beside Seth, she is alone in this self-exile which couldn't be farther from the truth. My family adores her, and would do anything to get back in her good graces but it's as if she just doesn't care anymore about them. She didn't even flinch when Alice cried and when Emmett tried to explain why they left, she totally ignored them. She had this cold impassive expression the whole time that literally terrified me.
What have I done to her? I lied to her...about everything, including my family.
She talks with Seth sometimes, although Seth being the good boy, he is won't tell me much. He only tells me what I already know, she's angry, sad and disappointed. I don't hold it against him, on the contrary, I encourage him to talk to her. Bella needs someone to unleash all her pain and vent. Otherwise she'll drive herself crazy in that damn cottage.
While Lizzie is in school she spends her day inside her new home on her own, alone. Seth joins her sometimes, that's when they talk and it's a good thing since I'm at school with Lizzie at the time and I don't have the temptation of listening in. Bella, oblivious to Alice and Jasper guarding her at a respectable distance, spends her free time reading, cooking or on the phone with Leah or Emily.
Esme is the only one from my family she listens to occasionally, probably because no one can say no to her sweet pleading face when she shows up at her doorstep with cooking recipes. And I'm glad for that, all that self-exile can't be healthy, she'll drive herself crazy so the distraction must be good for her. No matter how much of a great kid Seth is, being the only person she talks to has to get old.
With a long sigh, I close my journal and get up from the leather couch in my room.
It's Friday today, and I came to the house to clean myself up before picking up Lizzie and take her to school. It's almost seven, which means it's time to go or we will be late.
On my way down, I pass Rosalie on the stairs and as always we ignore each other. She thinks Bella's being a brat, I think the venom in her system fried her brain.
I pick up my jacket and car keys from the foyer before going outside through the kitchen door. I follow the trail to the place I'd like to call home but at the same time is my hell. I can only hope all this pain at least serves as a way to pay for my sins... it has to. No one unleashes all this torture just for nothing.
I pass Seth and Emmett on the way, relieving them from their guard positions and walk into the clearing where I see that Lizzie is already waiting for me at the door. Looking cute as hell with her high pigtails.
"Momma! Daddy's here!" She screams and runs towards me. I caught Lizzie midair and twirl her around as I spy Bella in the kitchen through the front window thoroughly ignoring me.
Sometimes, I feel like giving up. Most times I feel that she'll never forgive me but then, I'll catch her staring at me from a distance -mostly when I'm playing with Elizabeth- with this certain look that makes me wonder how truthful she is being with herself.
Does she really not feel anything at all or have my words finally planted a seed of doubt in her head? Can she see how much I still love her?
So many questions.
"Hi, angel." I kiss her hair. "How did you sleep? Did you have breakfast today?"
"Good and yes. Momma made eggs." She made a face and I chuckled.
"If you didn't like them you should have eaten something else."
"Momma likes eggs," she shrugged, "and she doesn't like it when I waste food."
"Momma's right about that."
At that moment, Bella walked out with Lizzie's lunchbox.
"Honey, don't forget your lunch." She told her softly handing her her Shrek's lunch box.
"What did you make me?" She peeked inside with curious eyes.
"Apple juice and a fruit salad. I don't want you to throw away anymore food. Please eat that at least," Bella begged her.
"Ok, momma," Lizzie said reluctantly and Bella chuckled.
"I'm serious honey. Uhm, your er… dad will tell me if you didn't, right Edward?"
I was a little taken aback, it was the first time she had spoken directly to me in weeks. Good naturedly at that.
"Uhm, sure? Yeah," I said awkwardly. "I'll make sure she has her lunch."
What does this mean? Why is she talking to me all of a sudden?
"But you always say I don't have to eat it if I don't want to," Lizzie pleaded with me like the little five year old she was.
"I know daddy said that," Bella said carefully, "but it's not right to throw away food honey and I can't send you to a human school without lunch. I'm sorry." She turned to me, having trouble meeting my eyes. "She's been a little cranky the past couple of days," Bella looked down, suddenly busy fixing Lizzie's pigtails. "I think you need to take her hunting this weekend."
I frowned.
"What about the blood bags I gave you?"
"We run out of them."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" I sighed, "I don't like taking her too deep in the woods."
"Well, I'm telling you now. I'm sorry, it slipped my mind," she defended herself. "She's growing, so she's drinking more that's why it didn't last as long as we thought."
"When was the last time she drank?"
"Ten days ago."
"And how much did she have?"
"About four bags, same as the week prior."
My eyes widened, she usually just had one… two at tops.
I pulled at my hair.
Alice says Victoria is still far away, so we should be safe for a quick hunting trip and Jasper or Emmett can come along too.
"Alright, Jasper and I will take her after school." I knew Jasper needed to go hunting too, "I'll refill the fridge during the weekend."
"Thanks." She looked down to Lizzie and smiled at her. "Give me a kiss before you go."
Lizzie stood on her toes and kissed her mother loudly, Bella wrapped her arms tightly around her.
"Be good, baby."
I was about to take Lizzie's hand when my phone rang, I took my phone out of my pocket and saw Tanya's name on the caller ID.
"Tanya?" I answered, I haven't talked to her since that time at my piano.
"Hi Edward! Is this a bad time?"
"No, I'm just about to take Lizzie to school." I turned around from Bella and Lizzie and walked away from them, "What's up?"
"I just wanted to give you a heads up, Laurent left last night. He's on his way to Alberta."
"What? Why?!" I asked angrily. I stopped walking, something about Laurent didn't seem right. Maybe I'm overreacting, as I tend to do because of the whole mess with James and now Victoria, but I didn't want him near Bella or Lizzie.
"He wanted to see Bella. Since you haven't called, then I figured Alice didn't see him coming because of Lizzie and the wolf, so I called to warn you. I don't know how Bella would take it to see him after all this years and I know you don't like him either."
I pinched the bridge of my nose and hissed in frustration. Why would he come by himself uninvited?
"Is Irina coming too?"
"No, she's more prudent. She knows now it's not the time for visits. She tried to stop him but he said he wanted to see his old friend, and he's curious about her. He can't believe she's alive. Personally, I think he was just bored and wanted a distraction."
Damn it!
"Do you know when he'll get here?"
"He left last night, so I guess a couple more hours? He's running."
I walked back towards Bella who now had Lizzie on her hip. Venom was flowing around my mouth as I looked around. I was on alert inspecting the awakening forest. I didn't like this one bit. I didn't trust Laurent for some reason and my instincts told me to be aware and ready.
"Alright, thank you so much Tanya. I'll call you when he gets here."
"Take care, tell the family we say hi!"
I hung up and looked up, being met by two pair of confused big brown eyes.
"You are not going to school today." I told Lizzie, and her face immediately fell.
"But I have Art today," she said with a sad voice.
"I know. I'm sorry, angel."
"What's going on?" Bella hugged her comfortingly.
"Laurent will be here shortly. He wants to see you and I can't be at both places at the same time to protect you both."
"Why would I need protection from Laurent? He helped us when… you know…"
I shrugged with a sigh, trying to convey my own annoyance at my behavior, "I don't trust him."
"Why? What has he done?" Her hold on Lizzie turned protectively.
"Ugh." I knew I would sound like a possessive creep, "Nothing, just a gut feeling." I made eye contact with Bella trying again to convey my unease. "I don't want any of you close to him. I can't trust him for some reason."
Bella seemed to consider my words, "Well, if you think Laurent poses a threat, then all the more reason you should take her away from here. I'll be fine and your brothers will be here. Laurent wants to see me after all."
I shook my head.
"I'm not leaving you alone."
"Edward, just take Lizzie to school. I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry. I know you hate it when I'm being like this, but I'm not leaving you alone with another vampire. I don't trust him and as you know accidents can always happen," I said, referring to her eighteenth birthday.
Bella glared but refrained from saying anything else in front of Lizzie.
"If I'm not going to school, can I play ball with Seth and Uncle Emmy?" Lizzie asked diffusing some of the tension.
"Sure, princess. As long as you stay in the back lawn."
With a beaming smile, like lightning she suddenly took off in direction of the big house.
"Elizabeth!" Bella and I called at the same time, which made the moment even more awkward and the tension heightened. Lizzie stopped at the edge of the clearing and turned to us confusedly.
"You can't take off like that by yourself," I chastised her, "You can't wander by yourself in the woods." Seth was hidden in his wolf form not to far away from us, following her as her guard dog as always, but she didn't know that.
"Why?"
"You know why. It's dangerous out there." I said annoyed, because she knew better.
"I'm sorry daddy." She danced back to us and jumped in my arms, kissing my cheek. "I won't do it again, I promise," she said with a sweet voice and angelic eyes.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"You are too cute for your own good," I nuzzled her cheek.
"Will you play with us too?"
"Of course."
"And then watch a movie? Can I pick?!"
"Anything you want, angel."
I set her free as Seth appeared at the edge of the clearing in his human form. "SETH!" Lizzie ran towards him with such joy. I looked back at Bella, as she hid her face from me, but I could see the amusement in her eyes.
"What?" I asked her, fighting a smile of my own.
"You are whipped."
"What?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Nothing, go on. She's waiting for you," Bella said dismissively.
"Don't you want to come?"
She shook her head. "I have stuff to do."
"What stuff?" I asked curiously, but I notice her taking a deep calming breath.
"Stuff." She answered cryptically, "About what time is Laurent coming?"
I looked at my watch. "Probably noon."
"I'll be at the house by then." She took a step back into the house and closed the door behind her.
I hung my head, letting the sadness take me completely. It wasn't even worth the fight. I turned around and followed Seth and Lizzie back to the big house, Emmett was already setting a mini baseball field in the back lawn along with Jasper. I was surprised to see Rose there as well, granted she kept her distance from Lizzie, but it has been a while since I saw her interacting with the rest of the family as well. She was still pissed at everyone for taking my side when I left with Lizzie last year...but that was Rosalie. She can hold a grudge.
"Daddy! Uncle Emmy says I'm captain and that I can choose my team first, and I choose you and Uncle Jazzy."
"Now where's the fun in that? You have to give the rest a chance to win." I winked.
"We are gonna kick their butts!" She fist pumped the air.
I laughed loudly, "You are definitely spending too much time with Uncle Emmy."
The game started, and we were the first ones to bat. We got ready while Emmett, Seth and Alice spread across the field. Because of Lizzie and Seth being in his human form, we didn't really played to our full potential but it was still fun. One third of my brain was in the game while another third concentrated on hearing Bella's heart in the distance, making sure she was alright. The last third of my brain tried to listen for any signs of Laurent's approach.
The Family played for a couple of hours. The middle of April provided a beautiful day outside, but since Lizzie hadn't fed in a few days she got tired quickly and we all head inside. Well, they did and I headed back to the cottage to check on Bella.
By her slow heartbeat and breathing, I could tell Bella was sleeping. When I approached the small building my guess was proven right. I peeked through her room's window, and saw her angelic face free from worries and pain as she slept peacefully on her side. She was clutching Lizzie's blankie to her chest. The sight was so beautifully heartbreaking as she resembled a scared little girl. It reminded me of our first nights in Anchorage, when I first got Lizzie, all weak and sick because of her thirst..How Lizzie would sleep for endless hours, hugging that same blanket, scared of what she'd have to face every time she woke up without her mother.
"Charlie…" Bella mumbled, making me smile. I was glad that part of her hadn't changed over the years. Her sleep talking was the closest thing I had at reading her mind.
I jumped into her room, just to have a closer look. Her scent assaulted me and once again I was impressed at how much easier it was to fight the monster within me. Her blood still appealed to me, but now… it was so much easier to ignore the burn in my throat.
I looked around her room, and noticed that her laptop was on. Curious about this girl, and about her behavior toward me earlier, I softly pressed a key bringing the screen came to life. I opened the browser and looked for the last entries. There were a lot of different entries from this morning, and curiosity got the best of me when I clicked each of them.
"Bryant & Stratton College… Northcentral University? What are you looking for, angel?"
As I went through websites and more websites, I soon realized they were all online colleges and schools. I looked around her desk and found flyers of more online schools as well as courses she must have picked up back in the states. I saw a notebook and flipped it open. She had a list of names on it, some of them were crossed off. Then I saw a list of degrees… pros and cons… it appeared she was between Psychology and Literature. It was crystal clear, she wanted to continue with her education.
"Why didn't you tell me, angel?" I whispered as I inspected her notes more carefully.
I spied a calculator over a few sheet of papers with the Bank of America logo on it and her name on top. It was her account, she had money –probably what was left from Charlie's life insurance- but not enough to pay for the whole degree, just a few courses. I remembered Jacob saying she sold her house to pay for her medical bills and the small apartment in Seattle.
Now, I had a new problem. If she wanted to study, she should study. Honestly, it'd be good for her it'd keep her mind out of things and I know it'll make her feel accomplished if she fulfill this wish of hers. But, how do I help her without admitting that I went through her stuff? And even if I found a way… I was sure she wouldn't accept any money from me. Maybe I can come up with a thrust fund or something, something Charlie left her but she had missed? I'll talk to Emmett about it, he had a bunch of degrees and masters in Economics and Finance maybe he'll come up with something.
"Charlie. No, Jake… don't go. Charlie!"
I turned around in time to see Bella toss and turn around in her bed, her forehead slightly covered in sweat and a crease formed between her eyebrows as she continued to move around, not being able to wake up from her nightmare.
I rearranged her desk as it was before, put her computer back to sleep and went to sit at the edge of her bed, careful not to wake her up.
"Shhh… it's Ok, angel." I touched her warm cheek "You are safe."
With a gasp, Bella opened her eyes.
She looked confused for a second until her eyes landed on mine. Our eyes locked for an infinitesimal second, she was still confused as she stared at me. She had a weird look, as if she was not sure if she was still dreaming or not.
"Bella? Are you alright? It was just a nightmare, love."
With another gasp her eyes widened as awareness took her again and her cheeks turned tomato red. With all her tossing she had lost Lizzie's blanket and her sheets were a mess around her legs.
"What are you doing here?" Bella yelled harshly as she covered herself with the sheets, but not before I peeked. That's when I noticed her attire for the first time. She was wearing blue cotton shorts and a white tank top, sans bra.
If possible, I knew I'd be blushing like a schoolgirl.
"Bella," I swallowed nervously, "I'm sorry. I just came to see if you were alright and then I heard you-"
"Get out!" Her eyes filled with anger as she pointed to the door.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I-"
Furiously, she stood from the bed and wrapped a robe around herself.
"You have no right," she seethed, "to barge in here anytime you want like that! This is not your home to do as you please! There's a damn door and a fucking doorbell!"
"Bella, you are right. I'm so sorry. I didn't think… I mean, when you lived at Charlie's I used to do it all the time, remember? You didn't mind then and… I did it out of habit. I'm sorry."
Bella's eyes flashed with fire, "Well, I mind now! We are not in Forks! I'm not seventeen and we are nothing to one another! You can't sneak up on me like that anymore! What are you? A perv? Have you lost your mind?!"
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I promise I-I didn't see, uhm… anything." I stammered.
"Ugh!" Her cheeks if possible were even redder. "Get out! And knock on the damn door next time!"
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if you were Ok."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath turning her back on me. She saw the open window, my former invitation into her home years ago. Bella closed the window and locked it at the same time.
"Just get out of here, Edward." She said controlling her voice, but I could tell she was still mad. "And knock on the door next time."
"I'm sorry. I promise, I didn't…" sigh "I just wanted to check on you."
"Just, go."
"Sorry." I mumble before walking out of her room and head for the door.
"Stupid, stupid vampire," I mutter to myself. To make matters worse, my pants are suddenly very uncomfortable. Shit! Had she seen that?! Dear god!
Emmett, Emmett, Emmet… Bella's lips. No! Emmet's hairy ass! Bella's ass. Wait, no. Emmett in strawberry shortcake's dress… Yeah, that's better. Bella in strawberries.
What the fuck is wrong with me!
Picking up a small rock from the ground, I angrily send it flying through the woods.
"Oww!" I heard someone cry.
"Seth?"
"Yeah." He grunted, "Jesus, you have a good arm." He came out from the woods nursing his shoulder where I accidentally hit him.
"Sorry man. You Ok?" Next to him instantly, my previous thoughts forgotten. "I didn't see you there."
"Yeah, I'm Ok but I think you dislocated my shoulder."
"Shit, I'm so sorry."
"It's Ok... already healin'. Don't worry about it." He tried to roll around his shoulder but winced.
"You want Carlisle to check on it?" I asked inspecting the already healing bruise that covered a big part of his shoulder.
"Nah, by the time he gets home I'll be as good as new."
That didn't make me feel better. I apologized again but he waved me off.
"What happened in there? I heard shouting," Seth asked.
I passed a hand through my hair and we started walking back to the big house.
"I messed up." I shook my head at myself, not wanting to think about what just happened. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Has Laurent arrived yet?"
"No, Tanya called. She says Irina called him earlier to check on him. He went hunting to not put Bella or Lizzie in danger, so he won't be arriving till tomorrow."
"Really?"
"Yeah, Irina explained that since he's still new to your vegetarian diet he wanted to make sure he'd be at his finest before he met his human friend," Seth smirked slightly at the distinction.
Oh. I didn't know what to say. Maybe I was really overreacting about Laurent. Maybe he really doesn't mean any harm to my family, but I still had that nagging feeling at the back of my mind. Something was bothering me. Maybe it was the way he was being careful around me with his thoughts last time he visited? But, mostly everyone who knows about my gift are the same so it doesn't mean anything really.
I don't know.
"You look surprised," Seth inquired.
"Yeah, it's hard to trust anyone who's not my immediate family. Especially with Victoria around," I tried to explain.
"This Laurent knows Victoria?" He was surprised.
I nodded, "He used to be in the same coven as her and her mate, James."
Seth's eyes hardened. "He's friends with the redhead?! Why didn't you tell me."
"Calm down. Your hands are shaking."
Seth looked at his fingers and nodded.
I watched him take a calming breath before I began, "I didn't tell you cause you weren't with us yet when he visited last time. He just never came up in a conversation. It seriously slipped my mind and I didn't think it was important. But to answer you first question, not anymore. They used to run together years ago, but their friendship wasn't too strong. He betrayed her and James. He's not very loyal. You see why I don't trust him now?"
Seth nodded and looked down, thinking hard. "But if he is mated with Irina, and Irina is your family… by default he should be loyal to you too, right?"
"I'm not sure if they are really mated. Sometimes we just look out for companion till we find the real one."
"How do you know when you found your mate?"
I thought about that for a long minute, still not having come up with an answer, "I don't know… you just know. It's not like in the movies, or with imprinting in your case. There're no fireworks, epiphanies or anything like that. You just look at her, and suddenly you can't look away."
"That happened to you with Bella?"
I chuckled, "Yeah, we were together in biology. At first I didn't understand it. I just knew I had to know everything and anything about her. I was so curious, amazed and terrified at the same time. She's my singer and I didn't know what the hell was going on that first time I caught her scent."
"Your singer?" He laughed at me, as if I had gone crazy.
"Yeah, it's rare but it happens. La tua cantante is what we call a human whose blood sings to us. Every vampire is different. We perceive scents differently. Bella's blood is like my own personal brand. I crave it more than anybody else's."
I expected Seth to look nauseated by now, but instead I was surprised when I saw his face burning with curiosity.
"So, when you met her… you wanted to eat her?"
I laughed at his choice of words, "Yeah."
"But you didn't... Why?"
"The whole hour, I spent plotting ways to get her alone after class. I had never experienced such lust for blood. I kept staring at her. I couldn't look away… I could tell she was nervous. Her heartbeat was beating so loudly it was making things worse. But, I couldn't look away."
"What happened next?" Seth asked like Lizzie would for one of her favorite fairytales.
"She closed her eyes, probably because she was scared of me and sat there, motionless. It was raining outside, so there was no sunlight coming through the window. She sat there, so still and unmoving if it weren't for her heartbeat I'd have thought her dead. That's when it hit me. I couldn't kill her. For some reason I had to see her eyes again...so I walked away."
"Bella told me about what happened in Phoenix once, when I asked her about her scar. She said you sucked the venom out of her system. If she's your… singer how did you do it?"
"Besides walking away from her, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I seriously don't know how I did it. At one moment I thought I wouldn't be able to stop, but somehow I found the strength. I don't know what it was, if seeing the light fading away from her eyes, or the power I had on my self-control," I said remembering in perfect detail.
"You said, there's no fireworks, sparkles or any crap like that… or whatever happens in movies. But you'll have to be blind not to see two vampires in love, or humans for that matter… you don't hide that so easily. I'm sure Bella will see that soon."
I snorted at the thought. If she'll only look my way.
"Whatever, going back to our main topic. I'm sure I'm just overreacting about Laurent, as Alice says, I tend to worry too much. He didn't help James attack Bella and he's making sure he won't be a danger to Bella himself, so..."
"But you said you don't trust him," Seth clarified.
"I didn't trust you at the beginning either, remember?"
"True." He snickered.
I touched Seth's arm to look at me, "By the way, be careful. Laurent is new to our lifestyle and I don't know how he'll react about you. When he visited back in Anchorage you still weren't with us so… keep yourself in check and be careful around Lizzie."
He nodded, his brows furrowing. Thinking if it's best if he's not there at all but not wanting to leave Lizzie with a Vampire he doesn't know near her.
"When do you plan on telling her?" I changed the subject, although really curious about this. By now we had reached the house but stayed where the lawn met the forest so Lizzie wouldn't hear.
"I don't know. I think she's still too young to know the difference. She'll only see the big bad wolf from her nightmares. Maybe a couple more years?"
"She's smarter than you think, and she really cares about you. Give her some credit, and she's Bella's daughter. Bella's good with monsters like us." I joked, "If she accepted me, I don't see how Lizzie will be different."
"Why are you talking to me about this?" He suddenly seemed so vulnerable, his face resembled the kid he really was. Sometimes it was easy to forget he was just seventeen with his tall figure a big muscles.
I shrugged, "Avoiding the truth is also lying." I explained, "I know for a fact it doesn't lead to anything good, no matter if your intentions were honorable or for protection. Things can get pretty messy."
Seth pursed his lips, "She was so scared when she saw Paul."
That made me look up, a certain conversation coming to the front of my mind.
"What happened there, by the way? And who's this Paul I keep hearing about?" I asked harshly, remembering Bella and Jacob's conversation.
Seth snickered, "By your tone, I guess you know about Paul?"
"Do I need to know something about Paul?" I raised an eyebrow and Seth laughed again shaking his head.
"Are you afraid of a little competition?" He teased.
"Am I even in the game?" I snorted without humor.
"Aw, c'mon man! Emmett's right, you are a drama queen. If you spent less time feeling sorry for yourself and more time plotting a plan to get back on Bella's good graces, things would be sooo different. I assure you."
"Hey!" I smacked the back of his head, "As much as I hate to say it, I'm your future father in law, so show some respect here." That made him laugh harder, and even if I'm in a pissy mood with what just happened with Bella, I laughed with him.
That's one of Seth's things; he's not an empath like Jasper but he's a happy boy. It's easy to feel the happiness he radiates.
I began again, "And what do you mean by that? If you haven't seen, I've told her sorry a thousand times in different ways! And she still won't believe me." I grunted kicking a rock with my foot.
"Blah, blah, blah… those are just words Edward. A pretty face and sweet words are not enough."
"Did you just call me a pretty face?"
He rolls his eyes, "Actually, I was quoting Bella and no, I won't tell you what we talked about."
"Bu-"
"Shut up and listen."
I sneer at him, "Seth, I-"
"Dude, I can't do all the work for you. And if you won't shut up and listen to me, I know you won't shut up and listen to Bella."
I growl at him, "Fifteen years from now, you will be wishing you had helped me. I'll make your life a living hell."
"Plu-ease, you'll love me in a few months when Bella's back with you."
"How are you so sure about that?"
"I told you to shut up and listen." He gave me an exasperated look, "No wonder Bella feels like she's talking to a wall."
"Shutting up," I gave in.
"Let's see… it's not hard. You just need a plan. A good plan… got it! How did you get Bella to fall in love with you in the first place?"
"I don't know… first we got to know each other, I gained her trust? She discovered what I was, -that was thanks to your friend Jacob by the way- and then I came clean."
"Aha! There you have it!"
"What do I have?" I said deadpan. This kid made no sense sometimes.
He made an are you stupid face which I wanted to erase with my fists. Seth sighed, "Your plan. Get Bella to know you again. Neither of you are the same people from five years ago and BAM!" He punches his fist into his hand, "She trusts you again. You come clean about what happened and everyone's happy."
"Bam? Really?"
"Yes Bam. Don't ruin my fun. You are killing my Dr. Phil buzz here."
I chuckled, "Sorry, and since when you are an expert in relationships? Which is a bit odd since the only one you have ever had is with a five year old."
Seth rolled his eyes at me but I couldn't help myself. It was actually pretty funny, even if it was at expense of my own daughter, "How do you suggest I get Bella to know me again? Since she's not even talking to me?"
"You don't need words to communicate, Eddieboo." He slapped my shoulder and sauntered back into the house.
He spent too much time with Emmett too.
Bella came to the house around four to check on Lizzie and Esme invited her for dinner, which she accepted reluctantly at Lizzie's insistence. Esme had prepared a feast just for her, Seth and Lizzie. After dinner, everyone moved into the big living room where Emmett and Jazz were replacing Jazz's Wii for Emmett's Nintendo 64 and hanging an extra TV on the wall for a game night. Elizabeth was so excited explaining the rules to Bella. She loved Mario Kart beyond reason and her mother listened to her with a glint in her eyes and a gentle smile on her face. Besides Esme and Seth, Bella didn't talk to anyone else. If it hadn't been for this morning it would have been normal for her not to speak to me but by her cold eyes I could tell she was still mad at me for trespassing in her house. Although every time our eyes crossed, she would blush furiously.
I wanted to kick myself. After months she had finally talked to me, even cracked a small smile and I had to go snooping into her room and get caught. Ok, I didn't get caught snooping around her stuff – only watching her sleep - but I still feel bad about it, but if I tell her the truth she'd certainly find a way to kill me, and my plans for paying for her education will be ruined. At least it's not like I read her diary or something. Just invaded all her personal affairs! a snide voice that sounded a lot like Rosalie snapped at me.
Anyway, since she was again not talking to me I can't talk to her about her change of heart from this morning. What brought it on? Why after two months of pretending I didn't exist did she decide I walked on this earth again?
I'm still going with my previous plan by giving her space, and not being overbearing which is why I'm letting her come to me when she's ready. Much like how it happened this morning, but of course I had to mess that up. Now, I'm back to where I started, I shouldn't have tried to comfort her in her sleep. I should have kept my hands to myself. You shouldn't have broken into her house...another promise broken.
Honestly, I don't know what came over me. I just hated seeing her so scared and in pain so I wanted to make her fears go away. I'm sure she thinks I was being a creepy perv, watching her sleep in her barely there pajamas.
Dear. God.
I still can't get that image out of my head.
That certainly got me distracted for the rest of the day while we watched Lizzie's movies in the living room. I tried to be a gentleman and erase that image from my mind but, how can I? The moment I walked out of the cottage I couldn't think of anything else but going back and kiss the daylights out of her. And it only made matters worse when she arrived this afternoon wearing the same white tank top. Only now she was wearing jeans, a hoodie and a blue satin bra – hey, the straps gave it away.
I need her, not only emotionally but physically too, and maybe that makes me a lesser person. No. Not maybe, this makes me a lesser person, to have such lustful thoughts about a woman who isn't mine, but I can help it. I miss her, and every day it gets harder and harder to stay away from her. I miss her touch, her warmth… the way her eyes would look at me every time I touched her.
From my whole existence, I remember that night the clearest. It was the best night of my human and non-human life. My throat suddenly tightened when I remembered the way our bodies had moved in perfect synchronization, how she had looked at me with adoration and lust mixed in her beautiful eyes. How we had kissed hungrily and passionately, covered in blankets under a bed of stars in the middle of our meadow. She had fallen asleep in my arms as I watched the sun come up. But with the ticking of the clock and as the night turned into dawn, reality struck me hard... and the fairytale was over... when I saw the first purple prints appear on her skin. Just like two months ago when you won't listen.
I shook my head. How can I think of her that way? After what I did to her? No wonder she won't let me touch her... I'm a monster. I suppressed a groan and pull at my hair. Even if by some miracle she forgives me, I can't ever be with her that way again... unless she agrees to the change, I can't. Which is why I can't have these lustful thoughts about her. It's wrong, and sick. How can I desire her so much after what I did? What kind of monster am I? How can I wish for something that'll only hurt her? I'm so selfish. And making decisions without discussing them with Bella again...that is monstrous.Angry with myself, I abruptly stand up from the couch and go upstairs to my room. Leaving a bunch of confused vampires and a wolf behind.
That night, since Elizabeth wasn't going to school again the next day, she stayed at the big house and had a sleepover with Alice, Esme and… Emmett. Yeah, I don't know what that was about either. He said, a sleepover is not a real sleepover if you don't tell scary stories and since he claimed to be the best horror storyteller ever, he joined them in Lizzie's room. They even set up a giant tent in the middle of the room.
Lizzie asked Bella to stay, but since Bella can't stay up too late Seth walked her back to the cottage around ten. When Seth came back I scurried out of the house and went to take my usual spot on the spruce near the cottage to stand guard. Lizzie was safe enough in the house with other six vampires and Seth so I didn't worry about leaving her for the night. Besides I was still fairly close and could hear their laughter in the distance.
I ran at vampire speed and climb on my usual tree. Taking my journal from my pocket I used the pen I stabbed in the tree the other night. I opened my journal and let the words flow from me.
Time passed, and before I knew it dawn was here again. Bella's alarm went off at 8 am and I heard her move inside the cottage. The windows were still closed, and curtains were drawn so I wasn't able to see my angel, but I could smell eggs, ham and cheddar cheese so I assumed she was preparing her breakfast.
I used the time to think about what Seth told me. He said I have to let Bella know me again so she can trust me but, how do I do that without pissing her off? She doesn't want to talk to me and after what happened yesterday I'm sure that's not changing anytime soon. I also need to apologize. She's right, I shouldn't have invaded her space like that. That won't make her trust me anytime soon, on the contrary I'm sure that little stunt just made things worse. Damn it! What do I do now?
"Edward, you need to change your clothes." Alice called for my attention as she neared the cottage "I'll watch her. I left a fresh shirt and jeans on your couch."
"Thanks, Alice. Call me if-"
"Of course, now go!"
I passed Alice on my way back to the house, climbed the wall on the left side of the house and jumped into my room. I can hear Lizzie's light breathing all the way from her room. She's still asleep. I couldn't take her hunting yesterday in case Laurent showed up, so no wonder she's still asleep. She must be exhausted especially after last night. I just hope she doesn't get sick like those first days… I'll have to think of something. Got it!
I fired a text to Carlisle, he would be at the hospital by now and he promised to be back home early. I asked him if he could snatch a few blood bags from the blood bank at the hospital. I wasn't very keen on the idea of Lizzie drinking human blood. It was childish and stupid, but I saw her as this beautiful little angel so the idea was kind of disturbing. I know as a parent she needed the blood so I just had to get used to the idea.
After I got Carlisle's positive answer, I took off my clothes and pulled on the jeans and shirt Alice had picked up for me. When I was done, I walked out of my room and headed for Lizzie's. Carefully not to wake her up, I opened the door and stepped in. The room was spotless, even after yesterday's sleepover there were no traces of the tent or sleeping bags I had seen last night. Someone must had put Lizzie on her bed after she had fallen asleep and picked up the mess. My guess would be Esme.
I sat on the edge of the bed and kissed my daughter's cheek. She was a bit cold so I gave her a once over, her cheeks were still flushed but they could be better. It was amazing how fast her body could change from one day to another if she hadn't been fed recently. Yesterday she had been perfect. Thankfully it was spring, so there would be tons of bears and cats to chose from later. Laurent's visit was such a bad timing, I felt bad I couldn't tend my daughter's needs.
"I'm so sorry little angel. I love you."
I glance around the room, feeling the peace this place gave me. It was like my own sanctuary. I couldn't fight the smile on my face when I saw my daughter's life plastered on the wall by her bedframe. There are pictures, drawings and of course, glitter. My eyes quickly find the new and newest additions. The new ones being pictures of Lizzie and Bella for the past couple months and the newest are polaroids taken last night. My daughter has a thing for pictures. I should get her a camera for her birthday.
Two pictures caught my attention, the first one is one of Lizzie and Bella at the kitchen downstairs making pancakes. Next to it is a picture of me and Lizzie playing my green piano. I think it's sweet Lizzie had put those pictures together. Those are her special moments with both of her parents and loved to see how she cherished both the same. Seeing that picture reminded me of Lizzie's unfinished lullaby. With so much chaos going on I haven't had the time or heart to finish it. I don't know, I just couldn't find the right notes to communicate my adoration for my daughter. I want it to be special, and I hope she likes it as much as she loves her mother's lullaby.
In that lullaby I poured all my love for her mother, putting my feelings into music, because music never dies… songs go on forever and I want to do the same for my daughter- put my love and adoration for her into a beautiful melody so she can hear again and again how much I love her even if I'm gone.
Esme likes it when I play the piano for her, but honestly if it wasn't for the way her eyes shone every time I played her favorite song I wouldn't do it. When I play, I feel exposed, naked. I feel as if anyone can know what I'm thinking of, or what I'm feeling. I hate to feel so vulnerable. Bella once told me I was an old soul and that music was like my own personal language, that I was way better with notes than words and that it was amazing how much I could communicate through them. Every time I brought her home when we were in Forks, she would ask me to play for her, she said it was the only time she'd know what I was thinking, the only time I wore my feelings on my sleeve. And maybe she's right, I'm not really a man of many words.
Suddenly, I freeze remembering Seth's words.
"You don't need words to communicate, Eddieboo."
Of course.
Seth, you are a genius.
With a last kiss for my daughter, I ran out of the room.
-SLA-
"Bella, wait."
"What, Edward?" I turned around, trying as hard as I could to control my stupid tears, but I was sure he could see the rejection clear on my face.
He was standing in front of me now, and I tried to look away feeling ashamed of myself. I had just made a fool out of myself.
He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.
"Love, I'm sorry… please don't cry. You know why I say no. Silly girl," He chuckled without humor, I could see the pain in his eyes "of course I want you, I want nothing else than to be with you." He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms tenderly around me, but I could still feel the stiffness of his body.
I pressed my face against his chest and breathed in his sweet scent.
"Edward… please," I looked up at him. "what are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of losing you."He breathed.
"You won't, you won't hurt me."I assured him.
His eyes looked lost, he was so scared. My right hand reached his face and I traced my fingers along his skin. He always said my touch soothed him. He closed his eyes and went still while I passed my thumb over the shadows under his eyes.
He was so painfully beautiful.
I stood on my toes and softly kissed his chin, then his cheek as it was the farthest I could reach and finally his mouth. I could sense his inner battle, and taking advantage of his weekness deepened the kiss.
"Bella." He groaned. "What are you doing to me?"
"Just close you eyes, please."
He did, and I took his hand and stired him in direction of the forest.
Uh-oh! What is Eddiboo going to do now? I'm amazed by you response to last chapters! I think were 50 and 50 with team Bella and team Edward, I'm glad both of them have your support although I'm totally team Seth ;) he's a cutie!
Next chapter, Laurent enters the story, what are your theories? What do you think is going to happen then? I've been waiting to write that chapter for so long!
Saludos!
Tammy