Hello my beautiful readers!
I know I'm a couple days late, but Cattinson is on holiday vacation and my other betta Joy1 had a horrible accident, seriously she's worse than Bella with her bad luck. She tried to beta this for you but had to stop midway because she couldn't go on, she feels that bad so please lets all pray for her! I'm reposting when she finishes this in a few days when she feels better! Honey, if you are reading this I hope you feel better soon! You are so awesome and incredible you should write your own stories!
This chapter was also pre-readed by Lisopera!
WARNING!: There's some graphic violence in this chap, I don't think is that bad but you never know, so if you are sensitive on the subject please skip the first paragraphs on this chapter.
2nd WARNING!: I took some creative license in the Vampire World, I hope you don't mind and are open minded enough to accept my little twist regarding Lizzie's abilities ;)
Also a few remarks:
"When I write like this" Edward is hearing someone's thoughts.
"When I write like this" Edward is hearing someone's actual voice in the distance or through the house.
Enjoy!
SM owns everything!
Chapter 22: Breathe Me
"Breathe Me" – Sia
Help, I have done it, again
I, have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me wrap me up
Unfold me I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost, myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah. I think that I might break
Lost myself again and, I feel unsafe
The trees were a blur around me as I run like a bat out of hell through the woods. The first drops of rain fell, and I ran faster before I lose the scent. I needed to get closer until I could read his mind so I could follow him even if the sky fell. My muscles burn with every leap, but there was no pain, thankfully nothing could stop me. Venom was flowing freely around my mouth, my nose and tongue picking up all the scents surrounding me, all my senses were sharp as I continued the hunt.
I could hear my siblings way behind me, but I couldn't stop and wait for them. Laurent was mine. I would be the last person he saw in his lame existence.
But first, I needed answers as well.
Soon, I could hear his panicked thoughts… then his feet hitting the ground. I was close, so close. The smell was stronger too.
"Edward! It was an accident! I swear!"He yelled desperately in his mind, showing me glimpses of that day. Anything his panicked mind could think of showing me. "I couldn't control myself! You should be worrying about Victoria instead!"
Hearing Victoria's name, brought a new sense of dread. I thought about Bella and Lizzie back in the house, but remembered they weren't alone. Emmett, Seth and Alice were here helping me chase Laurent, but Jasper had stayed with a petrified Lizzie trying to calm her down. God, she had seen Seth phase, she must be terrified! Esme and Rose were there and I was sure Carlisle was on his way home by now too. I hoped between all of them could help her to calm dawn until I came back.
I jumped on a tree, using my strength to get some advantage, a minute later I could see him so I leaped once more landing just a few feet behind him. I put all I had left on the chase, overexerting every muscle until and finally reached him.
I grabbed him by his neck pulling him backwards, we both fell and rolled over a few times until I pinned him face down against the ground. He was such a bad fighter, that was his problem. His weakness. That's why he had helped us back in Fork...He knew he didn't stand a chance against the seven of us, and now why he must have helped Victoria too. He was scared so easily, that's why his loyalty wasn't his strongest virtue.
"Tell me the truth!" I screamed down at him "What has Victoria to do with all this!"
He tried to roll us over and escape, so I leaned down sunk my teeth on his shoulder and pulled, ripping his arm off. He let out an agonizing scream but that didn't deter me, if only it spurred me on. I shoved my elbow against his upper back, feeling pleasure when I heard the hard skin crack.
"What happened that night!" I screamed again.
"It was an accident!" He cried "Get off of me I-I wo-ould explain!"
"Alright."
I heard the surprise in his mind that I had given in so easily, but boy he was wrong.
With my right hand and knee still pushing him down, my knee almost drilling a hole through his back, I used my teeth and left hand to tear his left leg apart. His torturing screams echoed through the forest, and I kept pulling until his leg came out. I threw the trembling extremity several feet away along with his arm.
"What the hell are you doing?!" He cried just as Emmett, Alice and Seth reached us. They stood staring at us, not intervening although Seth kept growling, wanting to pounce on him while Emmett and Alice sent threatening glares Laurent's way.
I stood up and took a few steps back, watching him lying there helpless and in pain. I kicked him on the side, flipping him on his back so I could see his face.
"Now talk!"
"Would you put me back together?" He growled, glaring back.
I turned to my right and gave Seth a look.
"Seth? Would you please?"
Seth pounced forward, sinking his teeth on Laurent's other shoulder and used his giant paw against his chest to pull.
"Let's try this again. TALK!" I growled back over Laurent's screams. Once Seth spat his other arm several feet away Laurent's body, he started speaking in a shaking , scared voice.
"S-she asked me for a favor! She asked me if you were still there with the human! Around that time, I had caved in and strayed from Irina and the others so I knew nothing about your whereabouts! So she asked me to-o com-me back to Fo-orks and look for myself."
"What happened next?!"
"I went to your house, your scent was gone so I tracked Bella to see if she was still in forks or if she was gone too. I found her house through her school records, she wasn't there but her father was… as I told you I had caved into my old hunting habits so I couldn't control myself… it was an accident I swear! I hadn't hunted in weeks!"
"You where thirsty when you went looking for her?! WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN HER THERE INSTEAD OF CHARLIE! She was pregnant with Elizabeth!" I hollered fully enraged.
"I'm sorry! I swear it was an accident! Victoria just wanted to know if you were around! I thought she was looking just for you! That's why I went looking for Bella to see if she knew anything, I didn't know she really wanted Bella back then too!"
"Why were you working for her! How could you do this to Irina?!"
"I didn't want to! She said she was looking for you, she wanted this last favor, and I owed it to her and James for abandoning them! I thought she just wanted to fight you, and it was fair. You killed her mate and she would try to avenge him, with your siblings I didn't thought she'd stand a chance. Charlie was just collateral damage."
I thunderous growl escaped me.
"Why didn't you tell me what happened?! Why didn't you tell me her father was dead!"
"Because I thought it wouldn't matter! You left her! Why would you care about her human father! And you were gone god knows where! You weren't even with the Cullens!"
Damn it!
"And last year?! You knew I was going crazy looking for her! You knew I was looking for answers to all the craziness! Why didn't you speak up?!"
"Because I didn't know anything! I didn't know Victoria's plan until it was too late! I run into her when we were in Seattle looking for your mate, she asked me if I had heard anything from you so I told her about Elizabeth" I punched him square in the face, his nose cracked "God! Stop punching me! I didn't know her plan! I swear, until she attacked you and your daughter I put two and two together!"
"And why didn't you come clean then! God Laurent! She could have killed Elizabeth!"
"Because I knew you would kill me! I'm not stupid!"
"He's not stupid?!"Emmett thought. "And they think I'm thick when it comes to women."
I laughed without humor.
"Why are you really here, Laurent?" I knew it had something to do with Victoria again.
"She wanted information on both girls."
"So you've been spying on us for her all this time?"
His silence was enough.
"Who was the second nomad?! The blonde one Jacob chased away?!"
"I don't know! Victoria didn't tell me anything! I don't know exactly what her plan is. All she asked me to learn about your schedule! I think she wants both girls, that's all I know… an eye for an eye, you killed her mate so he wants yours and your daughter but… I can help you Edward! Now that you know… she trusts me, I'll tell you everything she does!"
I laughed incredulously, he really thought I could trust him after this?
"None of us trust you...least of all Victoria," Alice said in her pixie voice.
"Why were you still working for her?! Why would you betray Irina like that?!" I yelled frustrated with how this would look to Bella. Just another vampire. Just another lie. Just another man betraying her.
"I had no choice! She threatened to tell you the truth about Charlie! And I knew you'd kill me!"
"You were right about that."
I leaped forward, pulling him up by the collar of his shirt and sunk my teeth on his neck, I heard a snap, then the screeching of metal against metal as the heel of my hand pulled his face to the side. With a guttural sound coming from his throat as his screams died, the shivering jet black waves from his long hair fell to the ground, and bounced once before rolling towards the trees.
After burning the pieces, the sky decided it wouldn't fall so the light rain stopped. By the time we were back to the house, my body was still running in adrenaline from the hunt. Jasper, sensing my mood sent calming waves my way, knowing I'd need them soon.
We were all making our way inside when I noticed Seth staying by the edge of the lawn.
"Seth? Aren't you coming in?"
He shook his head and replayed today's scene in his mind, his thoughts focused on Lizzie's petrified face.
I closed my eyes and took a long breath, trying to clear my head from what was left of bloodlust.
With a sigh, I walked back to the big wolf hiding in the trees.
"It'll be Ok, I'll talk to her." I told him softly.
A lone tear escaped his left eye.
"I almost hurt her. I hurt you."
"Pff!" I faked a laugh, trying to lighten the moment I didn't want him to feel guilty about anything. "Are you talking about this?" I pointed at my ruined shirt. "That's nothing, I'm alright it wasn't your fault you acted on instinct trying to protect her. Although I do wish you had had more control around her, it wasn't your fault." I told him sincerely.
"I'm sorry."He looked down, ashamed.
"Hey, buddy… don't beat yourself up." I patted his shoulder "It'll be alright."
He shook his head to himself.
I thought for a moment, what could I do to make things better? I needed to talk to Bella first though, I'm sure she will have questions and must be dying for answers. God, I'm sure finding out the truth will bring all those awful memories back and rehash old wounds. I could only hope that this time I would be there for her, if she let me.
"Bella? Are you alright?" I heard Alice ask as she entered Lizzie's room. She was lying on Lizzie's bed, holding our sleeping daughter.
"Where's Edward? Is he alright?"She looked up from Lizzie's sleeping form.
"Yes, he's downstairs with Seth. He'll be up in a minute."
"Daddy?"Lizzie woke up.
"Shh… go back to sleep baby. It's alright."
"Where's daddy? Did the wolf eat him too?"She cried and I frowned.
"She thinks a wolf ate Seth."Esme explained us from the kitchen where she was making Seth and Lizzie's dinner.
"You know what?" I turned to Seth, "I have and idea… wait here, don't phase back."
"Are you crazy?! Didn't you just heard what Esme said?"
"Just, wait here. I'll be back soon."
I left Seth standing where he was with a confused expression, Alice tried to see my plan but of course she couldn't. I reached Lizzie's room and knocked twice before opening the door.
"Daddy!" Lizzie started crying immediately launching herself at me "You Ok?!"
"Shh… it's OK angel, I'm perfectly fine." I said as she clutched her arms around my neck "And you are safe, no one's gonna hurt you, Ok? Laurent's gone."
I looked up and my eyes locked with Bella's, there was something in her expression I couldn't identify… something like relief, yeah… that was it. She must be relieved Laurent's gone.
"What about the wolf? Is he gone too? Wh-at happened to Seth? Nanna says he's Ok? But where is he?!" She started sobbing. "Where's Seth daddy?!"
"Shh, honey calm down I'll explain everything Ok? But you need to stop crying, Seth's alright I just spoke to him he's outside."
"Oh!" She gasped "Can I see him?! Is he Ok?"
"Yes, he's fine but first I need to show you something, do you trust me?"
She nodded, eyes wide.
"Alright, I need you to close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you."
She nodded and did as I told.
I looked up to find Bella staring out of the window, I could see her impassive expression from the reflection from the glass.
"Are you alright?" I asked her, after a moment she nodded still not looking at me.
I stood picking Lizzie up in my arms, I tried to compose my face when the wound in my back stung with the movement as the venom in my system was slowly repairing the gash. No doubt it would leave an ugly scar, like the small ones Jasper had all over his body but bigger.
I turned around looking for Bella again.
"Are you coming?"
"Yeah." She rasped, as if she had been crying. She turned around an motioned me to go first.
We took the stairs quietly and then headed outside through the kitchen door, we stepped outside on the big lawn and we spotted Seth far away across from us. He was worried and wasn't sure what I was doing.
I sat on the ground with my daughter in my lap, Bella stayed behind us sitting on the steps leading to the kitchen door.
"Alright, are your eyes closed tight?"
She nodded.
"Ok." Here goes nothing "Elizabeth, remember when I told you Seth was different?"
She nodded again, her face still buried in my neck.
"Well, as you must know in our world… there are tons of creatures humans don't know about… or they do but they think we are all myths, and for our protection and theirs it's better if it stays that way."
"Why, daddy?"
"Sometimes, we have to lie to protect… people could be scared, and a lot of awful things could happen if the truth came out. For both human and non-human creatures."
"Like what?"
"A lot of people could get hurt… remember when you saw that big wolf in La Push?"
Her body trembled.
"What did you feel?"
"I was scared." She whispered.
"Why?"
"Because it had big teeth and he was growling at us."
"Did he hurt you?"
"No."
"But he scared you." I stated.
"Yes."
"Do you remember when you told me I wasn't a monster?"
She nodded.
"Even though you knew what I did, you said I was good… why?"
"Because you are good daddy, you take care of me and momma and you love us. And you don't kill people like other vampires do."
"And what about Seth?"
"He takes care of us too, and he loves us."
"That's true, Seth loves you a lot and he would never hurt you. You know why?"
She shook her head.
"Because you are her favorite girl in the world."
"Where's Seth daddy?" she cried.
"Ok, when I told you now, you are opening your eyes, but I need you to trust me Ok? Nothing or no one is gonna hurt you."
She nodded.
I waved Seth to come forward, he was reluctant but agreed and slowly jogged towards us.
"Honey, you know what a werewolf is?"
She nodded.
"I watched Harry Potter once with Uncle Emmy, there was one in it."
I chuckled remembering that day. Seth was in the living room also and Emmett had had a lot of fun teasing him about becoming a bald ugly dog like professor Lupin when he got older.
"Ok, but you know how movies aren't always accurate right? I mean they think we have fangs and catch fire on direct sunlight."
We laughed at that idiocy.
"Well, werewolves aren't like that at all. Like us they can be dangerous when we are threatened or something upsets us, but they are also good, and their main job is to protect humans from evil creatures."
"Oh."
"Yes, so now… I want you to open your eyes."
Lizzie did, and as soon as she saw the big wolf in front of us her body stiffened and she clung to me whimpering, Seth looked down a soft cry escaping him.
"Shh, angel I asked you to trust me… I won't let anybody hurt you. Now, do you remember when I told you Seth wasn't human?"
She nodded, Her face hidden in my neck.
"Well, Seth's also part of our world but he plays a different part… he's a werewolf."
I heard Lizzie's soft gasp.
"A werewolf?" She asked, her beautiful face still hidden in my neck.
"Yes, but not like the one in the Harry Potter movies… or any other horror movies he is a good werewolf, and he is that way only to protect you. The special bond you and Seth have is because of both of your natures, he has to be strong to protect you, you see?"
Slowly, she pulled her face away from my neck, and looked up to stare at the giant dog.
"Seth?" She asked in a small voice.
Seth whimpered and Lizzie stiffened, pressing herself closer to me, she didn't know what to make of him. She was scared, her hands shaking but curious too.
"Just think of him as a giant puppy." I offered.
Seth rolled his eyes at me.
"A puppy?"
I smirked.
God! I'm a genius, this is going to be good.
"Yes, and you know what the best part is?"
"What?"
"He can do lots of tricks, and he's potty trained." I heard Bella laugh behind me and I smiled to myself.
"He makes tricks?"
I knew I had an evil smile on my face.
"Yes! Look… Seth, roll over!"
"You've got to be kidding me."He was incredulous.
My grin grew larger.
"You know honey, I think Seth's waiting for your command, he's your pet after all."
I heard everyone laugh inside the house. Seth on the other hand was far from amused.
"You are so paying for this."
With a huff, Seth rolled over.
Lizzie sat up straighter, her eyes burning with curiosity.
"Good!" I petted him and he grunted. "Now, play dead!" With an expressionless look, he laid on the ground. "Good puppy!" I petted him again and he huffed moving his head away from me.
I knew this was childish but god, I needed a good laugh.
"Now, sit!"
Seth sat back on his hunches, glaring at me.
"Jump!" I snapped my fingers "Down! Good boy!" I caressed the back of his ear.
"Truce is over. I'm biting your ass off after this."
By now everyone but Lizzie was in hysterics.
I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing out loud, and decided to give him a break.
"See honey? He won't hurt, he's still Seth just in his wolf form… he phases into this just when danger is near only to protect you. Earlier, with Laurent… you and your momma were both in danger so he phased."
"He's always been like this?"
"Yes."
"And he changes back?"
"Yeah, whenever he wants he can change."
…
…
"Why didn't he tell me?"
"Because he knew the truth would scare you and he didn't want you to be scared… like you did when Paul phased."
"Paul's a werewolf?"
"Jacob too, that's why we don't like each other, as I told you werewolves are here to protect humans from evil creatures like me, so we are natural enemies. We don't fight because we don't follow our natural instincts but we are still what we are." I explained carefully, yet truthful.
"So he lied to me?"
"No, more like he didn't tell you, but honey… sometimes we have to hide the truth to protect the ones we love. It doesn't mean we don't love them. It means we care about them so much we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for them, no matter how much it hurts."
"It hurt Seth so much to deny his true nature… keeping control of himself all the time… but you were so scared back then, Seth feared you would be scared of him too so he thought he would wait until you were older to tell you the truth about him."
"Oh…" She stared at the wolf in front of us curiously "Seth, you in there?" She asked softly, leaning forward.
Seth barked a laugh and leaned his face forward, he had a silly face, his tongue hanging on the side. Without a warning he licked Lizzie's face and she giggled.
Lizzie stood from my lap and took a tentative step forward… even sitting Seth was about three heads taller than her. He lowered his head so he could be on her eye level, Lizzie carefully reached her hand out and stroked his forehead.
"Good puppy." She smiled.
Later that evening, while Seth and Alice kept Lizzie occupied in her room upstairs, I retold everything that happened that afternoon, minus the gory details of course. I told Carlisle what I got from Laurent's mind and what he told me before I killed him. How he was the one giving Victoria updates on us. That's how she had find us here so quickly after we left Alaska, how he was the one who accidentally spilled everything on us to Victoria. Victoria had manipulated him, tricking him on giving her information at first until Laurent caught up to her and she threatened him to keep giving her information.
Seth also had explained earlier during dinner why Laurent didn't recognize his scent when he arrived today.
When Jacob had brought Bella back home the day Charlie died, -which was the same day Bella attempted jumping off a cliff- because of the heavy rain he had had a glimpse of Laurent's scent alerting him of a Vampire being in the area. Jacob phased alerting the rest of the pack, since Jacob couldn't leave Bella alone he didn't go after him. Seth was the closest one so he chased him. Rain makes every scent fade and mix with others so with Laurent being in the lead he couldn't pick up any particular scent, therefore he couldn't pick up Seth's scent from others scents but with Seth going behind him right on his toes he did caught a good whiff before he jumped into the ocean.
"So it was him all this time?" Carlisle asked, his face somber. I know what he was thinking, he was thinking about Irina and the Denalis. He dreaded giving them the news about Laurent's death.
"Yes, it was him all this time." I answered back, eyeing Bella. She had that impassive look again, as if she was detaching herself from everything, she didn't flinch or anything when I spoke Laurent's words about him killing Charlie by accident while looking for her, or when I said that Victoria was after her and our daughter. Nothing, instead she kept staring at nothing outside the window, seeing the rain falling hard against the ground in the dark night.
It worried, me this couldn't be normal. I channeled my inner psychologist going through different diagnosis but couldn't think of anything else but shock.
"She's torn."Jasper thought, feeling my worry "She doesn't know how to feel."
I subtly nodded.
When Jasper was done telling his side of the story, what he had sensed from Laurent, everyone dispersed through the house preparing for the night. Alice and Seth came downstairs announcing that Lizzie had fallen asleep in her bed while watching Shrek.
"I don't want to wake her." Bella said in that monotone of hers. "She must be exhausted from everything that went on today."
"So you are both staying?" I asked hopefully.
She tore he eyes away from the window to look at me.
"No, I'll be back in the morning to pick her up."
"Bella, it's raining cats and dogs outside." I told her "There's plenty of room for you here."
"Thank you, but I want to go… home, I guess." She looked out the window again "I'm sure someone can lend me an umbrella."
"Don't push her Edward, she's about to crack."Jasper warned, and I saw what he meant in her eyes. She was holding so many emotions, she was about to crumble. "She wants to be alone."
"Alright, I'll take you in Emmett's jeep."
Emmett threw me his keys while Esme lend Bella her raincoat. Just when I was about to open the door to the garage Alice stepped in front of me blocking my way with a blue Henley shirt.
"Sorry, it's been bothering me all day." She gestured at my ruined shirt that I still had on "Couldn't wait any longer." She smiled sheepishly and I grinned weakly at her. "I put an extra change on Emmett's jeep." She added, which I frowned. Why would she do that? She winked but didn't say anything else.
I took off my shirt, wincing in the process and grabbed the one Alice was offering. But before I could pull the new one on I heard a small gasp behind me. Through the reflection of the mirror beside me I spotted Bella staring intently at my back with a horrid expression.
Carlisle came forward, blocking my view of her.
"Does it hurt?" He asked, inspecting the wound in my back. It was still raw, there wasn't blood of course but you could still see the tissues ripped apart.
"Not really, just stings when I move."
"It's the venom working… it'll close in its own in a few days."
"I know." I turned around to face the crowd that had gathered around me.
"Try not to move much," Jasper grimaced, thinking about his own scars. "it'll heal better but it'll still leave a scar."
"I'm so sorry Edward." Seth mumbled.
"It's nothing," I shrugged on the new shirt. "At least we know you can throw a good punch." I winked before looking back at Bella, she was staring at me wide eyed. "Are you ready?"
She blushed before mumbling a yes.
Jasper smirked, but before I could ask he covered his thoughts with some 70's infomercial tune. I ignored him and led Bella through the kitchen and into the garage, helped her into the passenger's seat and then took my place behind the wheel.
The drive to the cottage took less than three minutes. She didn't say anything and I noticed her returning to her comatose state. I tried to engage her in conversation but it was as if she had been deaf. When we reached the cottage I turned off the jeep and rounded the vehicle until I reached Bella's side and opened the door for her. I helped her down, setting her on the floor, she took a step forward but her foot slipped on the mud. I caught her before she could fall and picked her in my arms instead taking her to the door, she didn't even protested which worried me more.
I opened the door, stepped inside and tried to turn on the lights but they didn't come on.
"Shit." I cursed under my breath.
I looked down at Bella, she was staring off into the darkness, her head reclined on my shoulder but I noticed her body was shaking and her lips were blue. We were both dripping wet even with our raincoats.
"Jesus, Bella sweetie you are freezing." I sat her on the couch and kneeled in front of her "Bella?" I touched her face that seemed to bring her back, her eyes focusing again.
"What?" She asked.
"The power's out I'll fix the generator in the morning when the rain stops, meanwhile I'll start a fire, Ok? It'll keep you warm through the night."
She nodded, her eyes glistening a little and she bit her lip.
"Thank you." Her lips trembled, with my right hand I brushed a few wet strands of hair away from her face.
"Love, you are drenched." I said softly, touching her forehead "Go and change your clothes, before you get sick. I'll prepare you something hot to drink. It'll make you feel better." I kissed her forehead.
With a final nod and a soft 'thank you' she stood up and went to her and Lizzie's room.
I started the chimney in the living room first, then put a pot on the stove and filled it with water. While I waited for the water to boil, I went out to Emmett's jeep and retrieved the bag with extra clothes Alice had prepared for me.
I changed my clothes on the only bathroom here and when I came out I poured Bella a cup of hot water adding a bag of chamomile tea and honey in it. I remembered she liked it that way. She had still to come out of her room though, I waited a couple more minutes but when I heard nothing I got instantly worried so I knocked on her door.
"Bella?" I asked aloud "Bella, angel are you alright?"
When she didn't say anything, I opened the door.
She was sitting on her bed, wearing only a clean pair of white panties and bra. Staring at her reflection in the mirror before her. She was so beautiful, even in the darkness I could see every line and every curve of her body, she took my breath away every time I looked at her. Thankfully, she had gained weight since she came here, she still was a few pounds away from her normal weight but she was getting there. And still she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"Bella?" I called when I noticed she was shaking and her breathing short.
…
…
Nothing.
Tentatively I took a step forward.
"Love, can you-"
I stopped short when she brought her hands up to cover her face, her whole body started convulsing, but it wasn't from the cold or because she was sick. Then, I heard a loud wail followed by long sobs as she started crying her heart out.
I was beside her in a heartbeat, covering her body with the thick robe that was lying on her rocking chair. I gathered her in my arms and took her back to the living room sitting us on the couch in front of the fire with her on my lap. She forcefully clutched her tiny hands on my shirt more huge sobs broke through her chest shaking her entire body. She curled into a ball on my lap and I held her tighter, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.
"I do-on't wanna cry-y… I'm sick of crying!"
"Let it all out." I whispered hoarsely.
"I don't want to! I-I ha-ave to-o be str-ong… Lizzie!"
"Crying doesn't make you weaker love, it makes you human."
"I m-iss my-y da-d! I miss h-im… so-o much!"
"I know… I'm so sorry…" I rocked us back and forth "I'm here, I love you." I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead on top of her head.
"I didn't m-ake him breakfast tha-at mo-orning… I-I didn't even cooked for him for a whole month! I'm so sorry!" She sobbed to the heavens, her left hand a tiny fist over her heart and her voice painfully broken.
"It wasn't your fault." I kissed her temple.
God, give me strength!
"He was there for me, not him! Da-addy! I'm so so-orry!"
"It wasn't your fault Bella… and I'm sure Charlie would have preferred it this way. He loved you so much. Neither you or Elizabeth would be here, then."
"But I miss him! I want my dad back!"
She cried for a whole solid hour, mourning after her father while I hold her tight, whispering what I hoped where comforting words against her ear. It broke me to see her like this, it truly haunted me, knowing it was my fault. If I hadn't left, I would have protected both of them. Laurent wouldn't have gone looking for her and he would have found me instead.
"I'm so tired Edward…" She whispered after a while, her body exhausted from all the crying.
"Shh… sleep, I'll be here for you. Always."
"No, you don't… I'm tired of… I can't… do this anymore." She started crying again. "I can't…" She squeaked and her grip on my shirt tightened, I grabbed the throw from the side of the couch, wrapping us with the thick blanket like a cocoon.
I didn't know what she was talking about, but I didn't question her either. She was obviously upset and I didn't want to upset her more by being too noisy, she hated when I was overbearing. Instead, I did what I had longed to do for so long and by some miracle had my wish granted.
I held her close to my heart, promising to never let go.
The storm decided it wouldn't wash us away, around six it slowed down until it was just a light soothing rain. Bella had long fallen asleep, and I had refilled the fire with dry wood so it would last a few more hours. It was going to be a cold day, I could tell. I couldn't hear any animals mingling around.
Bella shifted in my arms, snuggling against my chest and I started stroking her arm with the tip of my fingers, easily ignoring the raging burn in my throat. I had laid us both on the couch so she wouldn't have a sore neck later today.
I looked down, and as I had done through all night, stared at her beautiful face. Engraving every line, every angle, every freckle of her face in my mind. She was so beautiful.
With the tip of my finger, I traced the bridge of her nose, then her eyebrows and finished at the apple of her cheek, repeating the circuit several times. Her skin had always fascinated me, so soft and smooth.
She had been quiet all night, no sleep talking which meant she must had been exhausted and I was Ok with that. I knew when our bubble burst, and she woke up I'd be kicked out of here and yelled at for taking advantage of her vulnerability. I had gotten more than what I deserved by holding her so close through the whole night. But I didn't care what happened later, I couldn't leave her alone… not anymore, I was going to be there for her in some way or another, always.
Half an hour later, Bella stirred in my arms and I held my breath, preparing for what was to come.
Her eyes fluttered open, at first they were unfocused, she looked around until they settled on me. I was expecting her wrath, like last time she has caught me in her room but instead she had a confused look.
"Ed…" she cleared her sore voice "Edward?" She asked hoarsely.
"Yes?" I breathed.
…
…
"What are you doing here?" She whispered, as if afraid to break the silence.
I shrugged.
"You were upset, I didn't want to leave you alone."
"Oh."
She looked around, a soft blush decorated her face when it finally downed on her the position we were in. Awkwardly, she pulled away and I reluctantly let her go. I reached for the back of the couch to pull myself up, a loud involuntarily hiss escaped me.
"God." I gritted my teeth, throwing myself back against the couch.
"What is it?" Bella asked alarmed, sitting up immediately.
"My back… it's healing so it hurts."
"Why?"
"The venom, it hurts when it's healing the damaged part."
…
…
"What do you feel?"
"Like a burn… much like when we change, although not as painful." I shivered closing my eyes, remembering that night that happened almost a century ago as if it had been yesterday.
"Uhm…" Bella hesitated and I opened my eyes curiously "Can I try something?"
"I don't think there's much you can do… it's not like you can sew it close or anything," I chuckled without humor, closing my eyes again "but thanks… once Emmett ripped off my arm by accident… it's not as bad as that, it'll pass in a few days."
I heard her move away and walk into her room, then the ruckus of drawers being open and closed. Two minutes later she was back, now wearing a pair of sweats and a Mariners' sweatshirt. She also had a dropper in her left hand.
"Take your shirt off."
"What?" I was sure I squeaked.
She huffed and rolled her eyes.
"Take your shirt off and lay facedown."
"Bella… I don't th-"
"Dear god, for oncewould you pleasegive me the benefit of the doubt?" She snapped.
I gritted my teeth together.
"Ok, I'm sorry." I said feeling like a total piece of shit. No matter what, I kept pushing her away and simultaneously making her feel like crap.
I sat on the couch ignoring the pain and took off my shirt, then laid face down as she requested. She kneeled by my side, and I heard her twist the dropper open.
I felt three drops land on my back, just over the gash. It was cold, colder than I thought… then, it got colder numbing the area. It was… strange. I felt Bella's fingers as she spread the liquid. As the seconds ticked by, it got impossibly colder, to the point where it was bothering me slightly, and that was saying something considering I was a living ice statue.
"What is that?" I asked incredulous.
"Elizabeth's tears."
I was… shocked and… yeah, shocked and out of words.
"When Elizabeth was born, she bit me… I had so many wounds, and lost so much blood I should have died there. Sue let me hold her before I closed my eyes… she sunk her teeth… here." She pointed to her chest "just above my breast… her venom is not poisonous, at least not strong enough to change me but, it enough to heal a human… although now that I see it actually working on you, better than your own venom… it makes me wonder… maybe it's more than that."
"What do you think?" I asked totally awed.
"She's half human, half vampire… Seth's a wolf, but he's half human too… he can heal himself within seconds too, maybe it's something to do with hybrids… they are half mortals, but not completely, they need something to help them survive."
That was an interesting theory, I needed to talk to Carlisle about it… Eleazar too, he lived with the Volturi for a while he must have heard about something like this.
"Why do you keep it in a dropper?"
"You know me, I'm prone to accidents." She chuckled humorlessly, adding more drops to my back, but her eyes told another story. When she saw me staring at her skeptically, she sighed giving in.
"It helped with the pain, uhm… the chemo and the illness in itself is very painful, it worked better than marihuana." She looked away, concentrating on massaging my cracked skin no doubt thinking I was judging her.
I reached back and held her hand.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there."
She gave me a tightlipped smile that didn't reach her eyes and patted my back.
"You are done. Good as new."
I stood up and twist to look at my reflection in the window. I was truly amazed, the scar was barely visible even for my vampire eyes.
"Wow, Carlisle will have a field day when he hears about this."
"I know." She chuckled "I should have mentioned it sooner… I don't know, I thought it was regular venom but less poisonous than yours, I thought that was why I didn't change and I assumed you knew. But… if it worked better than your own then it must be something else."
"You are right," I said putting on my shirt again "I'll take some samples, maybe we can come up with something… by the way, how did you get her tears?"
She chuckled at some memory.
"Jacob and Seth would tickle her till she cried."
I chuckled with her.
"Of course."
…
…
"I'm sorry I underestimated you." I apologized. "Thank you."
She nodded and turned away to put the dropper away in the kitchen cabinet. Then she proceed to open cupboards and pulling things out.
"About last night, I'm sorry you had to see that. I don't know what came over me... You should had just left," she said as she prepared herself some scrambled eggs.
"Bella, you can't keep pushing people away. We genuinely worry about you. You shouldn't go through all this on your own... I stayed because I wanted to help you. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you like that."
"I've been worse and I've survived."
"Yes, but you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your own. I want to be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, if you don't want to ever be involved with me I understand but let me be your friend."
"I can't trust you Edward."
"Why?"
"Because you've hurt me so much!" She turned around "And you keep doing it! You insist and insist and you push and keep pushing and you have no idea how much that hurts!"
"I don't wanna hurt you," I shook my head "if you give me a chance, I swear I'll never hurt you again. I can't promise you there won't be pain because honestly, we are both so broken inside but I want to heal you Bella, as your friend, as your lover or boyfriend whatever you'll give me I'll take it. But I can't stand seeing you like this anymore."
"How can I trust you won't hurt me again?" She cried, a couple of tears escaping her eyes.
…
…
I held her eyes, her pain was evident and I wish I could take it all away.
"Would you pleasegive me the benefit of the doubt?" I threw her own words back.
…
…
"And what if I do?" She breathed. "What happens next?"
I stood from the chair I was sitting and strode towards her until I was standing only a few inches away. Our bodies so close I could feel the warmth radiating from her body. Her heart beat was beating furiously and I took that as a good sign. With my thumb I whipped one of her tears away, then I kissed the corned of her left eye were another one was beginning to fall.
"I'll care for you, I'll cherish you everyday, I'll be devoted to you and our daughter, I'll make sure you never need anything… but above all, I'll love you… and I'll make you sure you know it every single day for the rest of my existence."
More tears fell down her cheeks and I used sleeve to dry them.
"I'll make sure you always smile, I can't promise you only rainbows and sunlight because I'm far from perfect, but I'll make sure to wipe every tear I put on your beautiful eyes, I'll do my best at making you happy."
She fisted my shirt, and rested her forehead on my chest slowly shaking her head.
"I can't Edward…"
"Please love, give me a chance… I want to make things right. I keep pushing and pushing and I keep making stupid mistakes because I'm desperate without you. Let me fix things between us, let me fix you."
She looked up, her eyes were conflicted, torn. A mix between hope, doubt and denial.
"Angel, let me show you…"I stared at her lips "can I try something?"
She gave me a small nod.
I knew if I still had a heart, it would be hammering now, threatening to come out of my chest. I rested my forehead on hers, closed my eyes and took a long breath taking her in. My throat caught in sweet flames, the monster in me begging to come out but I silenced him. I cupped her face with my right hand and tilted her face upwards.
Suddenly, out of nowhere… a loud thunder shook the cottage, rocks and pieces of wood went flying everywhere while simultaneously something rock hard hit my side, sending me flying through the window and landing in the middle of the front yard.
I was instantly on my feet, my eyes searching for Bella while at the same time searching the source of the attack. And that's when I met the enraged eyes of the vampire before me.
-SLA-
We walked into our meadow with the bright moon and stars above us. The woods were quiet, fireflies appearing and disappearing around us. It was peaceful, a scene out of a fairytale.
Edward held my hand, he hadn't let go of me for a second the whole ride here. It was as if he was making sure I wouldn't disappear. The worried look on his face was still present but I had every intention to change it soon.
We stopped when we reached the middle, it brought back one of my favorite memories of us. When he had bared his soul to me right here so many months ago. When I has watched him under the sun for the very first time. He was so beautiful.
I turned to face him and reached his face with both hands, standing on my toes to touch his forehead with mine.
"I love you." I told him and he immediately wrapped his arms around me.
"I'm scared Bella."
"Don't be, I trust you… please give us a chance."
"I promised you we'll do this… but, if I hurt you must tell me immediately."
"I promise."
With that, he cupped my face and tilted my face upwards… capturing my lips in a deep passionate kiss.
Ok, ok! I know I'm horrible with cliffies! But hey! I at least gave you a sweet BxE moment! See? We are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! I know Team Bella must be disappointed and Team Edward must be either ecstatic she finally got her head out of her ass, or angry because he's giving her a chance, but hey, I can't please everyone, so we'll let the characters talk and take their own course ;)
See you next week!
Saludos!
Tammy