Hi! I wanted to post this last week, but I don't know if you read the news regarding Mexico but we have two hurricanes right now so Internet was coming and going and I couldn't get in contact with my bettas and pre reader. But finally here it is!
You might want to refresh your memory a bit with this chapter, if you feel like it go re-read chapter 9. It's Jacob's story about what happened around the time Charlie died.
Guys, if you have more song rec's for this story... would you mind sharing?
This chapter was bettaed by the amazing Cattinson and Joy1 and preread by the wonderful Lisopera... I love my girls! Don't know what I would do without them!
SM owns everything.
Chapter 25: Try
"Try" – Pink
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You gotta get up and try and try and try
You gotta get up and try and try and try
You gotta get up and try and try and try
Rosalie's POV
I watch them through the large window in my room on the second floor and let out a snort.
Idiots.
My eyes scan the backyard and I suppress a growl when my eyes land on the mutt. He thinks he is so funny, playing puppy and pretending to chase his tail. Then, my eyes land on the beautiful girl a few feet away from him, laughing and my scowl melts into a sad smile. I can tell it's a fake laugh, and my heart breaks for her. I have to give him credit, at least Seth's trying to distract her from the stupid excuse of parents that she's got.
Idiots.
Edward is sitting on the ground by the edge of the woods, writing in that damn journal of his. How many does he have by now? A hundred? Where does he even keep them? Seriously, if it wasn't for Alice the guy would be wearing heavy dark clothes and make-up, all you'd be missing is the cutting.
Then there's the drama queen on the opposite side of the lawn, writing furiously on that new shiny laptop of hers. Totally ignoring the hurt on her daughter's face, just because she is afraid to open a can of worms.
Idiots.
They say I'm the bitter one, the one who won't let go, but look at them! They could have it all, all I ever wanted and they are so carelessly throwing it away! I just can't understand it! Ok, I admit I was wrong in the beginning too. I shouldn't have assumed Bella's place was available but could you blame for wanting to give that beautiful girl as much of a normal life as possible? I didn't have one, my family was taken away from me too and I didn't want her to go through that pain too. I just wanted… I wanted…
She was missing her mother, and I had for so long desired nothing else than a family to call my own. I know I was wrong now, just as I can't forget my family, my past… I should have known she wouldn't either. It wasn't that simple, I should have known Lizzie wouldn't give up her family so easily just like I wouldn't have given up on my own too if I had a chance.
I know that feeling.
That's why it breaks my heart to see her suffer now, to see her steal glances at both her parents every few seconds and that look of confusion and pain cross her beautiful face every single time. I know what it's like to have it all ripped away from you.
I was an idiot to I shouldn't have forced myself in her life like that. Now, I'm paying the consequences, I was greedy I should have controlled myself. Now she's scared of me, I wish I could comfort her and tell her it'd all be better but I know better that to even look her way, and I understand… after what I did I don't blame Edward for wanting me away.
But he is not a saint either, neither of them are . I might have endangered Lizzie and the mutt's life that day Victoria attacked us but they have also been hurting her, worse than anything I ever did with all their bickering, yelling… god the yelling. I know Edward is desperate but Bella is a grown ass woman, if Emmett ever hid something so important from me or belittled me the way Edward has done time and time again I would have ripped him a new one. Then don't get me started on Bella, jeezus.
The girl can hold a grudge. For someone who had a new chance at life you would think she'd be taking full advantage of it. But all she has ever done since she got here is point fingers, wallow away and just being a brat. Yeah, Edward was an asshole and he should be groveling at her feet for what he did but enough is enough, you'd have to be blind not to see the love in his eyes for the human. Seriously, it's sickening. I'm not saying she should forgive him in a day but there's a difference between forgiving and giving a second chance when someone deserves it. What Edward did is unforgivable in my book, but he doesn't deserve a death sentence, in the end his heart was in the right place so I don't get why Bella won't just relax the bitch face a little. If not for her at least for their daughter.
"Daddy, I'm thirsty."
"You want to go hunting?"
Lizzie nodded.
"Can mommy come too? Can you carry her?"
Edward looked up with a hopeful look in Bella's direction.
"I need to start dinner sweetheart, go with daddy."
See? Idiots.
"Alice? Emmett? Would you join us please?" Edward called them trying to hide the hurt in his voice. He was afraid of going into the woods with Lizzie and Seth alone since Victoria could pop out any moment hence calling for my husband and our sister.
When they were gone, it was just Esme, Jasper and me in the house -Carlisle was at the hospital- so I decided to come out of my room. Not that the rest of the house was more exciting but being in my room all day was starting to get tedious. Since Bella came back from death a couple months ago, I've been hiding more than ever. I knew how Lizzie felt about me, and I didn't want to ruin her reunion with her mother. God, the day of her recital… her face when she saw her mom, that's when it finally came down on me. That's when I finally understood how wrong I had been. So I kept my distance, it also made it easier to hide my thoughts from Edward. I was too proud to prove him right.
I heard Bella and Esme working in the kitchen, preparing the ingredients for lasagna –great, the house was going to stink of rotten feet now- so I opted for the living room, taking advantage that it was empty for once. I found one of Alice's magazine and decided to look for a new wardrobe.
"Do you know where I left my pills?" Bella asked Esme.
"Sorry dear, no."
"I'll be right back."
Bella walked out of the kitchen and entered the living room without noticing me on the floor by the love seat. Took the stairs up to her room and I heard her move around looking for her pills. Just then my eyes caught the orange prescription bottles on the coffee table next to a bottle of water. Edward must have put them there so they were within reach. Last time I checked, the girl was perfectly able to walk.
Bella came downstairs a little flustered, I noticed her breathing was heavy and a light sheen of perspiration covered her forehead. The girl needed to work out a little more.
"Coffee table." I said without looking up, making her jump since she hadn't noticed me yet. I suppressed a snicker.
"Uhm, thanks." She mumbled once recovered, her heartbeat was still a little high though.
She leaned down and picked up the prescription bottle, from my periphery I noticed her hands were shaking as she struggled to open the container.
"Need a little help?" I arched my brow, she scowled back.
"I can take my own medicine, thank you very much." She snapped.
"Suit yourself." I went back to my magazine.
Just then, mother hen walked out of the kitchen.
"Hey honey, did you find them?"
"Yeah, I can't wait for the cottage to be ready…" I froze, did she still want to go back to that thing? "I keep losing everything in this big house."
"What do you mean?" Esme asked.
"I can't find a couple of things… my red blouse being one of them."
"Did you check the boxes in the basement?" Esme was concerned.
Bella shook her head.
"No, I remember using it the other day… I don't know where I put it though."
"Well, maybe after dinner we can look for it."
"Thank you."
…
…
"You are still considering going back to the cottage?" Esme tried to hide her disappointment.
"Yes, I think is for the best… I can't stay here, it's too much for Lizzie."
With a loud bang, I closed my magazine and stood up storming out of the room. I opened the door to the back porch and sat on the railing looking over the forest.
What the hell was she doing!
She could have everything! Everything and she won't see it! How could she do that to Lizzie? The worst part is that she is still so completely in love with him, it's so obvious but she is too stubborn to see it! God! I wish I could smack some sense into her.
Edward is the perfect dad, I have to give him that. He protects Lizzie with his own life, I know he would burn a thousand times while dancing and singing the hula hula with a fucking smile plastered on his face for her, he spoils her rotten, he feeds her, he takes care of her and to top it all off, he is madly in love with Bella, he would do the same things for her. What more does she want?! He's been trying to prove it to her since day one, he is willing to do anything for her, change her. The three of them could be so damn happy, but they are not because she fucking refuses to give him a chance! Because she is so up on her high horse trying to stupidly prove something that doesn't makes sense. She wants him too! And that doesn't make her less or codependent, it makes her human for god sakes! It's Ok to seek affection it's ok to let someone help you when you need it. I know Edward abuses his controlling nature, but if the two of them just talked, like really talked everything out they could find a balance. They co-
Footsteps made me stop my mental rant, and I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. I could smell her.
"I don't get it. I thought you wanted me out." She said, closing the door behind her.
I snorted.
"I never said that."
"You didn't have to." Great, she was annoyed now. Edward was going to have a field day now yelling at me.
I shrugged and kept staring ahead in the woods, he might get angry but I wasn't known for backing down.
The drama queen sighed.
…
…
"Rosalie, I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much."
Here we go, see? Drama queen at her best.
"Don't be such a martyr, I don't hate you. I don't particularly like you… but what are we gonna do about that."
"Why? Because I'm back? Because I robbed you of your chance of being a mother to my daughter?" She sneered.
"See? You know nothing, if you stopped being a brat all the time and opened your eyes a little bit you'd realize a lot of things." I said still not looking at her.
"Excuse me?" She was shocked.
"You heard me."
"And why exactly am I being a brat?" She challenged.
…
…
"You could have everything…" I said in a low voice.
"I don't know what you are talking about."
I whirled around, facing her.
"You could have absolutely everything, the perfect house, the perfect family with the perfect daughter with a great husband that absolutely worships you, but you are too busy crying around to take it."
She was quiet then.
What the hell, if we are already doing this I better be thorough because I know the moment Edward comes back he'll have my head on a stick.
"What did Edward tell you about me?"
"About you?" She asked a couple seconds later, still baffled by my outburst.
"Yes, did he tell you how I died?" I said not beating around the bush, Emoward had been gone for a while I didn't have much time left.
"I know it was something like what almost happened to me in Port Angeles… but that's it." She said quietly.
Edward, always the gentleman.
"Did he tell you that instead of a bunch of homeboys, I was raped by my fiancé and his friends?"
She gasped.
I chuckled bitterly and turned around, facing the forest again.
"I had a nice house, a lovely family, money… I was beautiful, my life was perfect. But there was something else I wanted… I didn't think it was much to ask. I wanted to have what my parents had, what my best friend Vera had, a family of my own with a husband that loved me and kissed me every time he came home from work and children to spoil and love like my parents did with me… it was so simple. I wanted nothing more. Of course all that went to hell when Royce and his friends took me in a dark alley."
Bella got close, until she reclined her hip on the railing next to me.
"I thought I was dead, believe me I wish I was… they left me there to die, Carlisle smelled the blood, that's how he found me."
"I'm so sorry."
I shrugged.
"Carlisle thought I could become Edward's mate" Bella stiffened next to me and I suppressed a smile, I knew she still wanted him "but you can't force that bond… I thought I would never be happy again, I wish my life had ended that night."
I played with the gold band on my ring finger, the ring Emmett gave me on our first wedding. I couldn't use my engagement ring because of appearances.
"Things got better after I found Emmett, but… that's it. We will always be this… no moving forward, no options… but you Bella, you could have it all. If you keep letting all this anger dictate your life…. Someday you are going to regret it, believe me. I know, I do."
"I'm doing what's best for Lizzie. I have to go back to the cottage, Edward and I are done for good, we are not a family and if I stay here it'll only hurt Lizzie in the end. I'm not happy here, I know that's what you wanted but sometimes what we want is not what we need. Edward hurt me, he betrayed me… he lied and he keeps lying to me. How can I trust him again?"
I laughed.
"Bella, how can you say you are not happy here if you haven't even tried?"
"I've tried!"
I turned to face her again, she was glaring at me and I glared back.
"How?! How do you expect Edward to prove you wrong if you don't give him a chance?"
"I did give him a chance!"
I shook my head.
"The only thing you've been doing is tell him all he did wrong, hold everything against him. You cry every night on your bed like a teenager because the world doesn't understand you. What Edward did was low, believe me I know what it feels to be used but he has been paying for his sins since the second he left you! He was broken when he left you in Forks and almost died again with you when the hospital called!"
"He left me Rosalie! If he loves me as he claimed he wouldn't have left!"
"God you are stubborn! What he did was wrong but that doesn't change the fact that he loved you then and now! Deep down you know it, if you really loved him you'd be able to see it! It's not his fault you are insecure about yourself, give the man a break!"
"You know nothing about me and Edward!"
"You are right, I know nothing about you two. But do you want to know what I do know?"
I didn't let her answer.
"I know that you have a wonderful little girl with a great man, who is madly in love with you, who is desperate to have a future with you, who would do anything for you, to the point of standing outside your stupid little cottage every night even if the sky is falling, just to watch over you because he is afraid of losing you again. If that's not love then I don't know what the hell you are looking for."
I turned my back to her.
"Stop being a brat, be thankful for what you've got and take it. Not all of us are so lucky."
With that, I jumped over the trail and lost myself in the woods.
.-:-.-:-.-:-.
EVOP
"Are you done angel?"
Lizzie nodded quietly and I sighed.
Since my fight with Bella she's been like this, quiet and down. It's like those first months with her, when she first arrived to us in Alaska. The only difference is that now we know the reason.
Bella didn't talk to me for the next couple of days after the break in. I tried to apologize to her but she blatantly ignored me. Lizzie caught onto us, therefore she was worried and in pain because of us, which made me feel worse since I had to carry her pain too through our bond. Bella and I tried to talk to her, telling her she shouldn't worry about adult stuff but she would just shut down and wouldn't talk. She went as far as to carry around her security blankie once again. It was breaking my heart and I could see it was taking a toll on Bella too. Jasper told me she was torn, feeling guilty about hurting our daughter but also hurt and mad because of what I had done.
I might have broken more furniture last night when I heard her cry in her sleep.
I picked up my little angel and hold her tight against my chest. She circled her arms around my neck and legs around my upper torso, burying her face on my neck. I kissed her temple.
"I don't like seeing you and momma sad."
"It'll be Ok princess."
I buried my face in her hair. Her scent always calmed me.
"Why can't she forgive you daddy?"
"We've talked about it angel, is not just about forgiving… I… I hurt your momma so bad. . And I keep doing things that hurt momma again...and again."
"But you are sorry."
"Sometimes its not enough… momma, momma has been through a lot. She might not be sick anymore but her heart still needs to heal." I explained.
Lizzie knew the PG version of what happened four years ago, I had explained it to her that time I took her to Forks searching for Bella. She also knew why I had left her and her mother she knew my struggles of not thinking I was good enough because of what I was for her mother. I remembered the day she opened my eyes, how she had questioned me about good and bad, about heaven and hell.
"Can't we do something to make her feel better?"
I smiled down at my innocent little angel.
"Just keep showing her how much you love her. I know that helps her a lot."
She nodded, thinking to herself.
"You ready to go home?" I kissed her head.
"Yes."
We waited a couple more minutes for Emmett to finish his meal, and then we ran back home. We were almost home when we heard someone ahead of us.
"It's just Rose." I said, recognizing her thoughts. She was thinking about getting some clothes from a magazine she had just read.
Emmett's face lit up.
"Well, that's my cue to leave. See ya minibell!"
Lizzie giggled at Emmett's nickname for her.
Two minutes later Alice, Seth, Lizzie and I walked into the house. I immediately listened for Bella, she was in her room I could hear her pacing.
"Why don't you go tell momma we are back while I help nana finish dinner?"
Lizzie nodded and run in direction of the stairs.
I walked into the kitchen to find Esme mixing a salad. She was singing a Beatles song to herself, I ignored the fact that I knew she was hiding her thoughts from me wanting to give her privacy.
"Need any help?" I asked.
She smiled at me.
"No, thank you sweetie. I'm almost done." Then she nodded towards the counter. "Bella called Lizzie's school to explain Lizzie's absence this whole week. Jasper went to pick up her homework so she wouldn't fall back on her studies."
I took a look through the papers, it won't be a problem. Lizzie already mastered all this first grade stuff.
"Thank you, I'll br-"
I was interrupted by my cellphone ringing, I took it out of my pocket and read the caller ID.
Tanya.
"Hello?"
"Edward?"
"Hi Tanya." I said seriously, I was still pissed at her because of our last call. Through my periphery I saw Bella enter the kitchen holding our daughter's hand and I had to take a double look. Her eyes were puffy, as if she had been crying again, but other than that her face gave nothing away.
"I was only calling to inform you that Irina just got here."
I sighed, one less thing to worry about.
"How is she?"
"She is in a pretty bad shape, stormed in here and locked herself in her room."
"Good." She deserved it after almost killing Bella my vision reddened just remembering the chaos back at the cottage.
"Edward." Tanya said sternly.
I remained quiet.
"I'm sorry Edward… but she is my sister I have to stand by her."
"Call me if she leaves again."
I hung up and looked for Lizzie, she was sitting on Bella's lap in a stool.
"Lizzie, momma sent for your homework. Why don't you ask uncle Jasper for help? He is pretty good at math."
"Kay daddy." She kissed Bella's cheek and jumped to the floor, I handed her her homework and she headed to the living room.
When she was gone I looked back at Bella.
"Are you Ok?" I asked in concern.
She looked away from me.
"I'm fine."
"You were crying." I stated the obvious.
"I was chopping onions."
I huffed.
"Sure, anyway… that was Tanya, Irina is back in Alaska."
"Really?" She asked hopefully.
"Yes, so I wanted to talk to you about what happens now."
"Are you asking me or are you telling me?" She said with a little bit of attitude.
"Don't be like that . I know I screwed up...again. I'm asking you. Irina won't do anything, at least not now. We don't know where Victoria is, but with just one threat now I think it's safer for Lizzie to go back to school. What do you think?"
She seemed to think for a long minute.
"Will she be alone?"
"Of course not, I'll be outside the school hiding in the woods."
She gave me a strange look, like trying to figure me out.
"As long as she is not alone I'm ok with it. If you think it's safe." She finally said.
"I think it's safe enough, she is going crazy in the house and… I think she needs a change of scenery." I knew she knew what I meant by that. Lizzie needed to be away from the tension for a while.
"Alright, I better go check on her."
She stood from the stool and headed out of the kitchen.
"Tell me what to do," I said before she was completely out.
She turned around.
"What?"
"Tell me what to do. I'm begging you. Everything I do makes things worse… somehow, whatever I do keeps hurting you and her. Help me, please… what do I do to make things better."
"You already know," She said cryptically before walking out of the kitchen.
I took a minute to recover myself all this tension was eating me alive. Should I just give up on her? No. No, she was worth it. So many times I wished she was alive to make things right, by some miracle I got my wish granted. She was worth it, all the pain was worth it. I swore I would spend the rest of my existence on my knees if it was necessary.
I needed her, god how I wish I could kiss her tears away, how I wish I could touch her. I still remember how good it felt to hold her in my arms the night I killed Laurent, even if she was mostly out of it, it felt so good to be able to comfort her. Even if I could hold her in my arms forever, it still wouldn't have been enough. I needed her it was as if suddenly I needed oxygen to live.
I love you.
More than yesterday.
When my breathing had calmed down somewhat, I decided to join my angels and the rest of my family in the living room. Jasper was on the loveseat with Alice on his lap, she was in a fetal position rubbing her temples while Jasper rubbed her back with a concerned look on his face. She was having a headache again, she was trying to see if the newborns were going to cause us any problems while at the same time looking out for Victoria.
Lizzie was kneeling on the floor, going over her math homework with Bella sitting next to her supervising her progress. I sat on Lizzie's opposite side and kissed her head before looking at what she was doing. She was coloring some shapes and writing down their names.
"Need any help?" I asked her but she shook her head, just then the point to her blue color broke.
"Ops." I poked her side, trying to make her laugh.
"Here's your sharpener?" Bella said, reaching for Lizzie's pencil case but when she reached out, her forearm knocked her teacup creating a mess over the coffee table but before the liquid could reach Lizzie's finished homework I picked it up.
"God! I'm so sorry." Bella was appalled, using a napkin to dry Lizzie's notebook.
"It's ok momma, daddy saved what was already done."
Esme came in then with a drying towel and helped Bella with the cleaning.
"Yes, but I ruined your notebook."
"It's Ok, I have a new one on my desk in my room," I said "Want me to go for it?" I offered.
"I'll go," Bella answered "I need to go upstairs for my sweater anyway." She kissed Lizzie's forehead, "I'm so sorry baby."
"It's Ok momma." Lizzie smiled at her.
Bella smiled at her before standing up and disappearing from the room.
About ten minutes later, Alice let out a loud wail.
"Ugh!" She cried "I think Jacob's coming." Alice said annoyed at her lack of conviction.
"Jacob?" Seth asked, looking up from the book Jasper had lent him.
"Yeah, we are all blury even if I try to see around you and Lizzie."
"Maybe he wants to see Laurent's ashes for himself." Seth thought aloud going back to his book.
"Too bad the rain already washed them away." Jasper said.
Lizzie jumped into my lap just as Rosalie and Emmett arrived from their quick escapade. I blocked them out, not wanting to be privy to their little love fest.
"Lizzie," Esme called her, "Why don't you help me decorate momma's cookies."
Lizzie beamed at Esme's proposal and immediately left with her.
"You should call him," I told Seth "so we know when to expect him exactly… did you tell him about the intruder?"
Seth nodded.
"Yeah, I also think that's the reason he is coming. He was very worried, he wanted to take a whiff around the house."
"Why? Does he have a theory?" Emmett asked.
"Not exactly, but he thinks it's strange… it's the second time this has happened." He said giving me a meaningful look.
Then it all clicked.
Of course, I was so stupid. Right after Charlie's death another Vampire came into town and got close to Bella's house, the one that bit Jacob. Was it coincidence?
"You think it's the same one?" Jasper asked him, remembering Jacob's story.
Seth shrugged.
"I don't know, I had to stay to protect La Push with Brady but… if it wasn't a nomad or a newborn…"
"Victoria." I hissed.
She is not working alone, that had to be it. It would go with her nature too, she was protecting herself, Bella was right if she had Laurent working for her why wouldn't she have someone else?
"No." Alice said "I would have seen her send him I'm always looking out for her."
"Unless she learned to play with the visions on your head." I was having an epiphany suddenly everything was making more sense. "Think about it, she had Laurent on her side for years, he was Irina's partner he could have easily got information from her."
Alice made a horrified face.
"But, no… I would have seen Victoria decide."
"Unless it was a last minute decision… Jasper, you said there was a car waiting for the intruder, right?" Jasper nodded "Everything was planned out, it was just a coincidence."
"You are right." He said "Do you think Laurent knew about the intruder?"
I shook my head.
"No, Victoria wouldn't have risked her plan –whatever that is- by sharing information. She knew Laurent would be here constantly because of Irina."
Damn it! If Victoria had someone doing her dirty work for her… I couldn't send Lizzie to school and leave Bella here, this changed things again. I needed to talk to Bella again. I won't make that mistake again if I can help it.
Where was she by the way? What was taking her so long?
"Call Carlisle, tell him what we just figured it out," I told Jasper as I stood up.
I thought I'd find Bella in her room but her heartbeat led me to my new room, she must have still be looking for the notebook. I opened the door to my room on the second floor and stopped on my tracks at what I saw.
Bella was sitting on my bed, her face pale and eyes filled with tears and a bunch of notebooks scattered around her and another one opened up in her hands. Although, that's not what floored me… they were not normal notebooks… they were my journals.
I was in front of her in two quick strides, she startled at my sudden closeness. I ripped the journal away from her hand.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I said enraged. She had no right those journals were personal.
"What is this?" She whispered.
"You had no right to go through my stuff!" I said, the wound in my heart ripping with vengeance as I ripped the book from her shaking hands.
"Is it true?" She asked a little louder.
How much had she read? What did she think about me now? Those where my darkest thoughts, would she finally see the monster I really was? Or would she see the pathetic creature that I had become?
"Just answer me Edward!" She brought me out of my mental hate with the sudden fierceness in her voice.
I turned around and locked my eyes with her, mine burning with a mix of anger, passion, and need. I love this woman with everything I had, but I was starting to think that was never going to be enough. I had ruined us, I had hurt her, she hated me.
"I have no idea what you are asking me about ...and it doesn't matter. You won't believe me anyway."
Something hit my chest, and a loud crash resonated around the room. I looked down to see the glass from a vase scattered around my feet. I looked up in bewilderment to find her furious gaze.
"You ruined everything!" She cried before running out of the room.
It took me less than a second to follow after her.
"Bella!"
She didn't stop. She ran down the stairs avoiding the kitchen and living room; we passed the library until she reached the back doors in the game room, opening them and running in direction of the forest. It was getting dark and cold so I followed her close. It wasn't long before she came to a stop and whirled around.
Her eyes were enough to make me choke on guilt and pain. They were full of hurt, regret and more pain. I had done that to her, when would I be able to stop hurting her.
"How could you do it!" She screamed at me, throwing punches to my chest "After everything we went through, how could you do it!" I held her wrists before she could hurt herself.
"I hated what I was doing to you! I hated the danger my world was putting you in! What I was doing to you!" I explained, my own voice choking with unshed tears.
"But I didn't care about that! And you knew it!"
"I wasn't good for you Bella!" I explained "I wanted to protect you from me, I saw what being with me was doing to you! I didn't want to take your life away from you!"
"James almost killed me and I stayed by you! Jasper threw himself at me and I stayed by you! When you hurt me that night, I still wanted to stay by you, because I loved you so much I'd have faced everything with you. We were supposed to be a together! It was my choice too!"
"I know that now, and you have no idea how sorry I am," I said earnestly.
"Its been four years until I got the truth Edward! FOUR!"
"I was wrong. I know that now. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along… I'm sorry, I was an idiot. I'm so sorry… It was a mistake! But you know now, I never wanted to leave you, I thought I was doing what was best for you but I never wanted to leave you, ever… I swear."
"You made me feel like trash! I was scared and alone… I almost lost Lizzie all because of your insecurities! How many times did I tell you I didn't care what you are! How many times did I tell you I loved everything about you! I wanted to become one of you! I was willing to sacrifice everything to spend the rest of my life with you! You were my everything, I gave you everything. How could you do this to us!"
"I know! I know now, I'm so sorry love… you have no idea how much I regret it. You are right." I cried "It kills me to know how much I hurt you, to think I almost lost you, when I thought I had lost you for real I swear I died again that day. You can read for yourself."
"Why couldn't you just tell me the truth!"
"Because you wouldn't have understand, I wanted to give you a clean break… I'm sorry I lied but I thought that if you thought I had moved on, so would you."
"You are right! I wouldn't have understood because it was ridiculous! You had no right to decide for me. We could have talked things through. You could have told me you were scared Edward! I would have fought your demons with you because that's how it was supposed to be!"
"It wasn't that easy Bella, I hate what I am! I'm a monster! Can't you see that! If the situation was reversed would you have wanted the same for me? I have no soul, nothing to offer…. I didn't want to drag you into this pathetic existence!"
"Don't you dare say that! Elizabeth is more Vampire than human, would you say the same about her? Do you think of her as a monster too? You call her your angel Edward, how could you call yourself a monster and then look into her eyes knowing she shares your DNA?"
"That's different," I said "she is different."
"No she is not, the only difference between you two is her beating heart and strength. Now, look me in the eye and tell me she is a soulless monster too."
When I didn't say anything she continued.
"I loved you not in spite of what you were, I loved you because of everything you were. I loved everything about you, even your controlling nature, because I knew then it was because you cared about me. I loved your smile, your scowls… your changing moods. You were my hero, always there… ready to pick me up if I tripped, or hold me when I was down."
"I'm so sorry angel, I love you Bella, I never stopped loving you. You are the only thing I've been thinking about since that day."
"That doesn't erase the last four years! We could have had it all! Do you have any idea how much you ruined everything?! We were supposed to be together! You promised! We could have been together all along!" She sobbed "You, me and Elizabeth! We could have been happy she would have been with her real family all this time, with you, Alice, Esme, Carlisle… with her kind! She wouldn't think she is a freak! I-I would, yo-ou you would ha-ave been with me-e."
I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight against me. She tried to fight me off but I didn't let her. So she gave up and we sobbed together.
"I know what I did, I know I hurt you," my voice trembled with emotion "no amount of time will be enough to tell you how sorry I am" she whimpered in my chest "but Bella… you are here, I am here… We've got a second chance. I love you… I'm paying for everything I did, believe me I am. I missed out on Lizzie… the most wonderful gift you ever gave me besides you. I lost you once… I'm always terrified of losing you again."
I leaned back and cupped her face between my hands, drying her tears with my thumbs.
"I know I have to win you back, and believe me… I'm not going to stop. I'll fight for you, because you deserved to be fought for… because you deserved to be worshiped and loved and I'll never forgive myself for making you question that after everything I did. I'm not perfect but if you give me time I'll be exactly what you need, I promise. You are worth every ounce of pain I poured on those journals, and I'm not going away this time."
"How do I know you are going to go away this time?"
"I'll prove it to you, if you give me a second chance I'll prove it. I love you, I want you to be my forever… you, me and Lizzie that's all I want."
Her face showed me she still had her doubts.
"You think I'm lying to you now, don't you?"
"No, not lying. You could mean it… now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"
I flinched.
"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right. Without consulting me again," she said firmly.
"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for."
And with that, I closed the distance between us and crashed my lips against hers.
-SLA-
I turned around and winced at the sudden ache in my back. My eyes fluttered open at the uncomfortable feeling. Everything hurt, I tried to move my legs but the scorching pain in my pelvis wouldn't allow me. I tried to remember what happened last night, as awareness replaced my still sleepy conscience. And that's when I remembered, my heart soared when I remembered exactly what had happened and I couldn't help the huge smile that spread through my face. That feeling of love, fulfillment and ultimate joy that swam through my entire body from head to toe wasn't enough to describe how utterly happy I felt at that moment.
I reached to my side, seeking the comfort of his hard and sure arms around me, I was cold and somehow his cold body always managed to warm up mine. Maybe it was the always present current that our bodies transmitted between us, or just his love that always warmed my heart. I missed his touch already, I wanted him close but frowned when I felt nothing next to me. I shot up in a sitting position ignoring my protesting muscles and looked around.
"Edward?"
No one answered.
Soooo they kissed! FINALLY! Soooo... if we go by New Moon/Eclipse rules what do you think is coming next? Lol!
If you catch all the new moon lines I'll send you back a sneak peek for next chapter! I already started it!
As I said in the beginning if you need to refresh your memory go to chapter 9 and re-read Jacob's story from when Edward went to Fork looking for Bella, even my Beta Joy had to do it lol!
Also, Joy1 had this wonderful idea of writing a Esme point of view of this chapter, would you like that? I won't write Bella's point of view for now, because... where's the fun in giving away all the secrets?
So, I recommended you a few fanficitons last chapter, would you mind to return the favor? I'm in the mood of some actorward/singerward/famousward or periodward/royalwayd anyone works for me. Of course, any Edward works for me ;)
P.S. By the way, I forgot to mention on last chapter too... HOW AMAZING IS ROBDIOR? My pretty screensaver is keeping me busy with tons of inspiration!
I'm team switzerland so please keep it friendly with the robfans and krisbians comments, I love them both! It makes me sad to see what the fandom has come to, we used to be a happy family =(
Saludos!
Tammy