Okay, so I had to get this one done before A knight's final fight and Knights of badassdom, mostly so the people who want something other than Arkos have something to look forward to.

RWBY, NPR, And Professors

"Well, whatever we see now can't possibly be worse than that mess." Yang said as she was scarred for life because of Torchwick's face melting off.

"YANG! Don't say that! Now we'll definitely see something messed up in the future!" Ruby said as they all suddenly froze in time.

Only for a man with a shaved head, beard, and wearing a 'Come with me if you want to lift' shirt poked his head into the frame with a creepy grin on his face and said one word.

'Soon.' He said as he went out of the frame and time resumed.

"What the heck just happened?" Yang said as she could have sworn something just happened.

"Nothing, but the TV is starting up again." Ruby said as they all focused their attention back to it.

"Heeeyy Yeah, I want to shoop baby." A voice came out of a sony walkman as the camera zoomed out.

The camera revealed a man in a red and black suit. He had two katana's on his back while he had two desert eagle pistols on his legs. But the most peculir thing about the man, was that he was drawing with crayons on a pad of paper.

He was humming along to the song and enjoying himself when suddenly he looked towards the screen.

"Oh! Hello!" He said as he waved.

"Did, Did he just say hi to us?" Yang asked as Glynda shook her head.

"I highly doubt that.

"Geez, Goodwitch, you really know how to shoot down a greeting." He said as he looked sad.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" She yelled at the screen.

"DID HE JUST RESPOND?!" Weiss yelled as Ozpin dropped his coffee mug in his shock.

"Geez Snow Angel, no need to shout, anyways I know what you're thinking, whose balls did I have to fondle to get this red suit? Well, I can't tell you that, but I an tell you his name rhymes with Faptune." He said in a mock whisper.

"And let me tell you, that blue hair? The carpet matches the drapes" He said a she made a fondling motion with his hand.

"EEEEEWWWWW!" She yelled out as she covered her face in embarrassment.

Yang was laughing her ass off, Ruby was wondering what he meant. Blake was blushing hard. Ozpin was trying not to laugh. And NPR were just shocked.

"Hey wait! That voice is Jaunes!" Pyrrha said as the man looked at her.

"Hey thanks partner! Woah! You're still alive in this? Cool, well at least I got to see your boobs again." He said as he winked.

Pyrrha blushed and covered her breasts.

"Wait...I'm dead again?!" She said as she was depressed.

"Oh...uh spoiler alert, by the way, you might want to Kill Cinder Fall, she's planning a huge invasion." He said as he made a cut throat signal.

"Okay this is ridic-...Wait did you just say invasion?" Glynda said.

"Oh yeah, turns out she is a part of a group that is trying to bring about the end of the world, and she killed Pyrrha, which really sucks because she was my best friend."

"Best friend? Not lover?" Pyrrha sad in disappointment.

"Sorry P-Money. In some of these universes, we don't always get together, mostly because some of the fans complain about it a lot, so the author of this story has to write in different pairings to keep them happy. Anyways I have said too much, right now I got a face to fix, my sexy kitty girlfriend to save..and OHHHH..Bad guys to kill!" He said as he turned away from the screen.

They saw a convoy of dust shipment trucks and motorcycles coming their way.

"Yep, Maximum effort." He said as he jumped off.

"So...Jaune is crazy?" Ruby asked as that was the general consensus.

"What did he mean by sexy kitty girlfriend?" Yang said as Pyrhha turned to Blake.

"Uhh, I think I know." She said as she pointed at Blake's bow.

"HEY!" She said as she blushed.

Soft music was playing as Jaune AKA Deadpool crashed through the sun roof and immediately began to fight the men inside. He started with a punch to the face to the guy on his right. While elbowing the other man in his throat. But when the guy on the right recovered. He only had one plan.

"Cock shot!" He yelled as he punched him right in the dick.

Yang and Ruby proceeded to burst out in laughter. Weiss looked scandalized. Glynda had a slight twitch on her face. Ozpin was smiling behind his cofee cup. Nora was cheering Jaune on. Pyrrha blushed and felt sorry for the guy, even though he was a bad guy. And ren put his leg over his junk.

Deadpool pushed a guy out the back, causing the back/trunk door to open up and he was hanging on the edge.

"Ha!" Deadpool laughed until the guy right next to him starting smashing his head into the headrest.

"Oh! Rich Mistralian Leather! Very Sophisticated!" He said as he pulled out a tiny knife and stabbed the guy in the eye.

He then moved up to the front seat, holding out his drawing before.

It was of him teagbagging a picture of a redheaded man with ox horns.

"Have you seen this man?" He said in an exagerrated superhero tone of voice.

Only for the man to start bashing him into the stereo, causing the channels to change.

"Ow...Ow...Ow...Ow!"

He responded by kicking in a cigarette lighter and pushing it onto the guys forehead.

"Ooooh Ouch!" Yang said as that had to hurt.

And then he shoved it in his mouth.

"I never say this, but don't swallow!" He said as his eyes widened.

"PFFFTTTT!" Ozpin spit out his coffee at that.

"HA HA HA!" He started laughing as Ruby looked confused.

"Whats wrong with not swallowing?" She said as Yang looked at her sister, trying to hold back laughter.

"Uh, maybe I'll tell you when you're older Rubes." She said as her sister got an innocent look on her face.

Suddenly the car he was in got flipped over, and started to roll on its side a few times before finally coming to a stop.

The resulting white fang got out of their vehicles and pointed their rifles at the wreck of the armored car in front of them. Course, they thought the man in the red suit would be dead by now. After all who could survive that.

And suddenly the window rolled down...and a head popped out.

"HEY!" He said in a friendly tone.

They responded by shooting at him.

"He was just being nice!" Nora shook her head at the white fang meanies.

"It was kind of stupid to poke his head out." Weiss said.

"WAIT! YOU ALL MAY BE WONDERING WHY THE RED SUIT! WELL THATS SO BAD GUYS CAN'T SEE ME BLEED, THAT GUY'S GOT THE RIGHT IDEA, HE WORE THE BROWN PANTS!" Deadpool said as the man in question fired at his arms.

"Fine! I only have twelve bullets! So you'll each have to share!" He said as the camera zoomed in on them.

"Well Ice Queen, prefer to feel wonderful pants feelings that are foreign to you." He said as he jumped up.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Weiss yelled as everyone else blushed.

"I thought I was his girlfriend in this?" Blake said as she was confused.

"He's probably just doing it to mess with Weiss." Yang said as she saw Deadpool wink.

"Golditits has got it right!" He said as he jumped up.

Suddenly the camera was in slow motion as he fired one gun, then he flipped over again, and he fired his other. Both Bullets have the respective numbers '12' and '11' on them.

The two bullets hit their mark as two bodies fell to the floor and Jaune fell back behind the car.

"Okay, that was pretty bad ass." Blake said as Ozpin sipped his coffee.

"I've seen better." He said.

"Suck my balls Ozpin!" Deadpool yelled as he heard Ozpin over the TV.

Suddenly a motorcyle came up and shot Jaune in the arm.

"OW!" He yelled as he fell to the ground.

The motorcycle went off into the distance as he stuck his finger in the new bullet hole in his arm.

"Shit." He said as he wiggled it around.

"That is disgusting." Glynda said as she hated seeing shit like that.

"That would just feel weird, I hope that never happens to my arm..." Yang said as she had no idea what was going to happen to her.

"He doesn't seem too upset about it." Nora said as he seemed fine.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" He yelled as he pointed his pistols at him.

"10...Shit." He said as the man dodged the bullet.

"9...FUCK!" He yelled as the motorcyle got closer.

"8...SHITFUCK!" He yelled as the man shot by him.

He jumped over the truck again as he saw the motorcyle get too far away.

"Bad Deadpool..." He said as he got a depressed look on his face.

Only to walk forward and see a guy.

"7." He said as he shot the man in the head.

"Good deadpool!" He said in a happier tone.

"Is anyone else a little disturbed by how happy he gets at killing people?" Pyrrha said as everyone else nodded.

"It is a bit unsettling, but let's be honest, were we expecting anything else?" Blake said as Yang spoke up.

"Oh I wouldn't say too much 'Sexy kitty Girlfriend.'" Yang said with a shit eating grin.

"Don't...say...that!" She said as she blushed deeply.

Deadpool was now hiding behind another truck as a man was firing at him. He ducked down underneath, while the man fired off round after round into the vehicle. He figured he had the man in the red suit on the run, since he wasn't firing back. Which means that he had to have been running out of ammo.

So he jumped on top of the hood of the truck, and he found the man in the red suit.

Doing a sexy model pose laying on the ground with his pistol resting at his side, not having a care in the world.

Finally! He could kill this guy and be done with it!" He thought as he pulled the trigger.

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

Uh oh...

"Someone's not counting." Deadpool said as he shot him in the head.

"6."

"Wow, at first I thought he was just being an idiot, but it's impressive that he knew how many bullets that guy had."

A pair of thugs had a ring of grenades. They pulled the pin on one of them. Only for Deadpool to walk out like a balla, and shoot thta muddafucker right while it was still in that thugs hand.

"Fuck The crips and bloods, I'm the real OG here." He said as he started doing a really weird dance.

"Who the hell are these crips and bloods?" Weiss asked as everyone shrugged.

"Probably some criminals of no great importance." Yang said as they just waved it off.

"UGH!" He was shot from behind as he collapsed to the ground, as one of the grunts came up behind him.

He wasn't moving.

"Are you serious?! After all of that, he gets taken down from behind?! That is such bullshit! That's worse than the ending to Scarface!" Yang said as Glynda looked at her.

"You mean when he's high on cocaine and the one guy sneaks up on him and shoots him from behind?" She said as everyone looked at their professor.

"Wait...you've seen Scarface?" Ruby asked as Glynda huffed.

"I am an adult you know!" She said as she pushed up her glasses.

"Well yeah, but...never took you for the one for Gangster movies...Real classy gangsters I mean, not the guys who wear their pants around their ankles." Yang said as nobody liked modern gangstas.

"I happen to be a connoisseur of many films Ms. Xiao Long." She said as she turned away.

"Which reminds me Glynda, I would prefer if you remembered to take your more personal movies back home instead of leaving them on your office desk." Ozpin said as Glynda choked on air.

Deadpool still wasn't moving.

"Foooouuuur." He said in a long groan as his hand that was in between his legs right under his meat and two bits swung up and shot the man right in the head.

"Ah, Gotcha." He said as he got back up.

"AH! God! Right in the pooper!" He said as he wanted to pull the bullet out of his ass.

"If this is how much a bullet hurts, no wonder Blake had such a hard time trying anal. Only this time it didn't work out so well." He said as he fired a few rounds into the body.

"3...2...FUCKING STUPID! But worth it!" He said as he ran forward.

"WOOOOOAAAAAHHH!" Yang said as everyone looked at Blake.

"JAUNE DID WHAT TO MY POOPER?!" She said as Ruby laughed at the word 'pooper'.

"I do not believe I wish to hear of Ms. Belladonna's sexual tastes." Goodwitch said as Ozpin agreed.

"I wouldn't exactly be judging Glynda, your personal movies have some strange...stuff on them." He said as she blushed and hid her face again.

"Shut up Oz." She said as she felt embarassed.

The three men lined up behind the truck from before, they were ready to take this guy out. They had been counting, he only had one bullet left, there was no way he could-

Suddenly Deadpool jumped over, doing flips and shit. And the camera went to slow mo again.

"Has anyone else noticed whenever he does something bad ass, the camera slows down?" Pyrrha said as everyone nodded.

"1..." He said as he fired off his last bullet.

This little piggy went to the market...one guy shot in the head...this little piggy went stayed home...second guy goes down...and this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home.

The third and final man went down on Deadpool.

He stood up on his crouch, and he smelled the smoking guns he had in his hands.

"OOOOHHHH! I'm touching myself tonight." He said as he skipped away very gayly.

"Well, at least thats over." Weiss said as the camera didn't stop.

"ADDDAAAMMM!" He said as he skipped up to the guy who crashed earlier.

"THERE YOU ARE!" He said as he ripped the helmet off of the guy, and he stabbed his sword into Adam, and into the concrete barrier behind him, to keep him from moving.

"Remember me?" He asked as Adam came to.

"I don't think so, did we go to high school together?" He asked being a smart ass.

"Cute...how about now?" He said as he lifted his mask.

Only to reveal a face that looked like he was a testicle with teeth.

"Holy Sweet Fucking Oum! That is one ugly Bastard!" Weiss said as even Pyrrha looked scared.

"I don't like it..." Nora said as Deadpool turned to them.

"Hey that really hurts my feelings you know! It's not like I go around making fun of Weiss having small tits!" He said.

"HEY!" She said covering her chest.

"Or Nora having kind of a flat butt!" He said as his eyes narrowed.

"HEY! I will have you know my butt is pure muscle!" She said having Ren Grab it.

"SEE REN! PURE MUSCLE RIGHT!" She said as Ren blushed.

"Uh, yeah." He said as he looked at the deadpool on screen.

"Ah there we go, now maybe that will help those two get together." Jaune thought as once Ren got a taste of the Valkyrie booty in his world, he could never get enough.

"Ah, Jaune Arc...funnier how could a Human get even uglier then the last time I saw you?" He asked as Jaune thought.

"Well..." He said as he had a flashback.

"I'm a fucking monster!" Jaune yelled out as Nora and Ren were trying to calm him down.

"Jaune, I'm pretty sure Blake won't care what you look like, she loves you." Nora said as Jaune pulled his hood off.

Only to reveal his whole face.

"Oooh god." Ren said as Nora gagged.

"Do you like what you see?" He asked the two.

"No...You look like an acovado had sex with an older more disgusting avocado." Nora said.

"Thanks." He said as Ren added on to it.

"Not gently, like it was hate fucking." He said as Jaune was getting a little irritated.

"Okay." He said not liking the added on jab.

"You look like a Nevermore face fucked the map of Atlas." Nora said.

"He looks worse than the tentacle monsters in Blake's porn books." Yang said as Blake blushed.

"He looks like a deformed fetus." Weiss said.

"He looks like the devil came all over his face, and it was acid cum." That surprisingly came from Ozpin.

"OKAY! Seriously guys! Thats enough!" He yelled at the viewers.

"Anyways, you know why I'm here." He said as Adam grinned.

"I don't think I do." He said as Jaune pulled out his scroll.

"I'm looking for my sexy kitty!" He said as he held up the scroll for Adam to see.

Only for Adam to actually blush at what he saw on screen.

Jaune then looked back and blushed himself.

He thought he pulled up a regular picture of Blake.

But instead he pulled up the picture of her dressed in a leather thong and bra, with her assuming the doggy style position, with the caption being. 'Wish you were here.'

"Oops! You weren't supposed to see that one." He said as that was from his private collection.

"Oh...I don't mind." Adam said.

"WOAH! Dang Blake, who would have thought the kitty likes the doggy!" Yang yelled as she was laughing.

And Glynda and Ozpin suddenly felt like pedos due to the fact they had seen one of their students in a compromising position.

"Dang, I know Jaune said Nora didn't have much of an ass, but damn look at Blake, look at the Bellabooty!" Yang said as everyone blushed.

"YANG!" She yelled at her partner.

"Anyways, come on, you're going to tell me where she-" All of a sudden the reel stopped.

"Uh yeah, not much happened in this scene, so we're going to zoom ahead." Deadpool said as he remembered all that happened.

Basically Adam kicked him in the balls and ran away.

Suddenly it looked as if the screen was fast forwarding.

Only to see an image of Jaune now unmasked masturbating with a stuffed cat in his hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Ruby yelled out.

"Oops, Crap, why does this always happen?" Deadpool said as they zoomed to Jaune pulling up to a house.

"This is my house. I share it with my roommate." He said as he walked in.

"Coco!" He said as he slammed the door opened.

Only to knock her onto her ass, her sunglasses falling off.

"Oops! Sorry!" He said as he changed out of his boots into pink crocs.

"Oh! So comfy!" He said as Coco growled.

"You know, at times I am glad I lost my eyesight, I don't have to see you in that abomination of fashion they call crocs." She said as she could hear the infernal sounds that came with those damn crocs.

"You mean my pink rubber masturbating shoes?" He said with a grin.

"Ewwww. It's bad enough he wears crocs, but he jerks off in them too?" Nora said.

"Yeah, downside, my hearing is so grand, that I hear every single thing in this damn apartment." She said as Jaune layed down on the ground.

"So how did your day go?" She asked as Jaune sighed.

"Well, the cow dick who kidnapped Blake and turned me into this reverse pussy magnet kicked me in the nutsack and ran away." He said as he got up.

"Catching him was my only chance to get her back, and hopefully help put an end to this stupid war." He said as he grabbed a bottle of skin lotion he stole from Weiss.

"Hey! Thats my $500 dollar bottle of skin lotion!" She said as she was wondering where that went.

"You paid $500 for skin lotion?" Yang asked not believing the price.

"Well yeah! How do you think I keep my skin looking so radiant?!" She said as she was embarassed Jaune was using it to jerk his gerkin.

"So today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo." He said as he walked away.

"OUCH!" Yang said as she imagined how unpleasant that would be.

"Who the hell makes a sandpaper dildo?!" Blake yelled as she didn't want to imagine on of her sex toys being made out of sandpaper.

"What's a dildo?" Ruby asked as Yang covered her ears.

"You don't need to know." Yang said.