Okay here I am with a new chapter. I decided not to go with Knights of badassdom for now. I'll save that for when I properly edit it. So here is something different.
"Do you think we'll get something that isn't depressing?" Ruby said as they all felt sad after watching Jaune sacrifice himself for them.
"Hopefully...I really don't want to see that again..." Pyrrha said.
"Well...here we go..." Ruby said as the tv took on the familar pattern.
"Dude, this town just keeps getting weirder and weirder." Jaune said as Ren and him were following a trail of porno magazines and beer cans.
"...Okay, not depressing, but weird..." Ozpin said as that summed up everyone's thoughts.
"Why are they following a trail of porno and beer cans?" Nora asked.
"I don't know..." Ren said.
"It leads here..." Ren said as he followed his partner.
"I swear, this better be something good." Jaune asked as he can't believe this was happening.
"Looks like a nice house..." Ren said as they knocked on the door.
"Do you think anyone will answer?" Jaune said as they heard the door open.
Only to reveal a little red and black haired girl along with a little blond hair girl.
"OHMYGOD! IT'S LITTLE US!" Yang and Ruby squealed as they hugged each other.
"Why are you two young when Jaune and Ren are adults?" Weiss asked, although she had to admit, Ruby and Yang were adorable as kids.
"Who cares?! All I know is that I never knew I looked so cute, oh I just want to feed myself cookies, and braid her hair! And have tea parties!" Ruby said as she had completely gone off the wagon.
"Okay, Rubes, we're not that adorable." Yang said although she really liked the way her hair looked on the tv.
"Yes? Can we help you?" The blond one asked.
"Uh hey, uhm...this is going to sound odd, but did you see a five foot tall...furry..." Jaune said as he tried to describe what they were looking for.
"IS HE IN TROUBLE?!" Ruby panicked.
"Uh...No...we're just...here to make sure he's okay...who is he?" Ren asked wondering how the little girls knew the man they were looking for.
"Dang, who could be that short and be leaving that trail?" Glynda asked as she long forgotten her teacher mentality.
"Maybe its Uncle Qrow?" Ruby suggested.
"No way, he said Five feet tall, Thats way too short for Uncle Qrow." Yang said as she as confused.
"Maybe another relative?" Ozpin suggested.
"Nope, we don't have that many relatives, and either way, they are all well above five feet tall." Ruby and Yang said at the same time.
"He's our teddy bear! We think he's sick" They both said.
"Wait...what?!" Weiss said.
"A...Teddy bear?" Ren asked.
"How the...what in the how...how is that...TEDDY BEAR!" Weiss added again.
"Okay, clearly its just two kids playing a game." Ozpin suggested being the voice of reason.
"Then how do you explain the porno and beer?" Goodwitch said he stopped sipping his coffee.
"Okay, I have no idea." He said as that was a little weird.
"Your...Teddy Bear. Well that's amazing. Cause we are..." Jaune said as they pulled out fake ids.
"Teddy Bear doctors!" The said as they flashed their ids.
"REALLY?! Can you please take a look at him?" They both said with stars in their eyes.
"Sure!" They both said with smiles on their faces.
They were certain the monster they were looking for wasn't actually a teddy bear.
"Ah there we go! Monster! They must be tracking a Grimm!" Weiss said as that made sense.
"True. But why would Ruby and Yang have a pet grimm?" Blake asked.
"I don't know! This episode doesn't make sense!" She said in an annoyed tone.
"Would you rather go back to the last two?" Ozpin suggested as Weiss shut up.
They followed them up the stairs. They noticed how they were just invited in. No parents to answer the door. That was odd, why weren't their parents home? This didn't seem right.
"He's in Yang's bedroom, he's pretty grumpy!" Ruby said as they came up to Yang's room.
"Teddy! There are some nice doctors here to see you!" Ruby said as Yang opened the door.
They saw something with black fur, and they heard the sound of someone taking a few large gulps from a bottle of whiskey.
"CLOSE THE FRIGGING DOOR!" A black teddy bear yelled out as Yang closed the door.
"See what we mean?" They both said as Jaune and Ren looked shocked.
"Did...That Teddy bear just talk?" Weiss asked as she was screaming internally.
"I...I think it did." Nora asked as even SHE was shocked.
"A talking teddy bear, okay, that makes sense, No it doesn't! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Yang yelled as Ozpin had dropped his coffee mug.
"Talking teddy bear, does not compute! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" Glynda's thought process was short circuiting.
"Well uhm...I imagine we should keep watching." Blake said as Pyrrha looked shocked.
"Maybe its one of those toy teddy bears with the recording scrolls in them to repeat certain phrases?" She asked as everyone nodded at that.
"But why would someone record 'Close the friggin door!' in a Teddy Bear recorder?" Ruby asked.
Jaune and Ren were wondering if they had entered some parallel universe. Because they just saw a FREAKING talking Teddy Bear. Granted they had seen some weird stuff in their lives. But it was a talking Teddy Bear!
Jaune couldn't stop staring at the door. And Ren looked like he had to take a huge dump. They were that uncomfortable. They looked eat each other, giving each other a 'Did we seriously just see that?' look.
"All we wanted was a teddy, that was big, real and talked!" Yang said.
"But now he's sad all the time, not ouch sad, but ouch in the head sad, says weird stuff, and smells like Uncle Qrow!" Ruby said as she may have loved her Uncle Qrow, but he smelled like ass.
"Uh...Little girls..." Jaune said still trying to overcome his shock.
"Ruby!" The red head one said.
"Yang!" The blond one said.
"They look so uncomfortable right now." Yang said as everyone else was still processing the fact there was a talking teddy bear.
"I feel uncomfortable right now." Glynda said.
"Come on! Aside from the Teddy being a grumpy pants, a talking teddy bear would be awesome!" Nora yelled.
"How did your teddy become real?" Jaune asked.
"We wished for it! At the wishing well!" They both said.
Jaune reached for the door knob as he turned it and walked into the room.
Only to hear sobbing, and The Teddy bear still holding the bottle of whiskey as he was watching the TV.
"Look at this! Can you believe this crap!" The teddy yelled as Jaune looked at the TV.
"Estimated 1200 human and faunus casualties in the latest white fang attack." Lisa lavendar said as Jaune looked back at the bear.
"Uh, not really." He said not knowing how to react.
"It is a terrible...terrible world!" He said as he suddenly turned to Jaune. Effectively freaking him out in the process.
"WHHHHYYY AM I HERE?!" He wailed.
"For tea parties!" Ruby suggested.
"Tea parties?! Is that all there is?!" He wailed again as he went back to crying.
Jaune was officially freaked out. And he turned slowly to walk out of the room.
"Okay its official, the teddy bear is real. No recording could respond to what they were seeing on a tv, and they sure as heck wouldn't be drinking heavily." Weiss said as her brain was officially fried.
"But, what the heck happened?!" Blake asked as her mind was screwed eight ways to sunday.
"I don't blame Jaune for looking creeped out! That bear even made me want to see a psychologist!" Yang yelled out.
"Uh, Ruby, Yang, could you...give us a moment?" Ren asked as they both nodded.
"So uh, Jaune, are we...I mean, should we...Uh...Are we going to kill this teddy bear?"
"Are they seriously having this conversation?" Ren asked as everyone didn't know what to think.
"How do you even kill a teddy bear?" Weiss asked as they weren't really alive.
"I don't know, but I don't know whether to laugh or cry." Ozpin said as everyone looked at him.
"What? You got to admit, its funny to see them freak out." Ozpin said referring to Jaune and Ren.
"How Ren? Do we shoot it? Burn it?" He asked.
"I don't know...both?" He suggested just to be sure.
"No Ren, if it goes wrong. I don't want some giant pissed off flaming Teddy coming after us!" He responded.
"HA HA HA HA!" Yang said as she had to laugh at that.
"A giant flaming teddy, okay that is funny!" Ruby said as she joined the laughing.
"Also kind of childhood ruining." Blake said even though she didn't have much of a childhood.
"A talking burning teddy..." Ozpin said as he had officially heard it all.
"Yeah, besides, getting the feeling that the bear isn't the core problem here...hey wait a minute?" Ren turned to Ruby and Yang.
"Uh hey, where are your parents?" Ren asked.
"Well, Mom and Dad wished they were in Atlas, so probably Atlas!" Ruby said in a chipper tone.
"Well, I hate to tell you this, but your bear is sick..." Ren asked as he couldn't believe he was saying this.
"Yeah, he's got...Lollipop disease." Jaune could not believe he was telling a pair of little girls this.
"Are they serious right now?" Weiss asked.
"Well, you can't explain to them that their teddy bear is a porn junkie." Blake said.
"What's porn?" Ruby asked as she had heard them talk about it all the time during this episode.
"You'll find out when you're seventeen." Yang said trying to protect her innocence a little longer.
"Is there an adult you can stay with, while we treat him for a few days?" Ren asked as Yang thought it over.
"Well, our Uncle Qrow is on vacation, I suppose we could do there." Yang said as she hoped he hadn't been drinking too much.
"Good, just go there for a few days, and also, where is this wishing well?" Ren asked as Ruby thought it over.
"The fountain near the park!" She said as they left.
"Okay, there we go, we go in and destroy this dang wishing well, and hopefully undo the giant stuffed suicidal teddy bear." Jaune said as soon as they were out of sight.
"Let's get out of here, that bear is freaking me out..." He said as they suddenly heard a gunshot.
"JESUS!" Jaune yelled as he opened the door.
Only to find that the teddy bear had put a shotgun in its mouth and pulled the trigger.
"Well...that's...one last thing to worry about..." Ren said feeling bad at making fun of a suicidal bear.
Only for it to start moving and stare at them again.
"WHHHHYYYYYYY?!" It wailed out as Jaune screamed and closed the door.
"Dude...we have fought vampires, werewolves, Grimm, and even demons...but that fucking thing in there is scary as hell." Jaune said as Ren agreed.
"I don't like this..." Ruby said as she was even afraid of the teddy bear.
"Wait, did thye just say demons?" Ozpin said as he couldn't believe what they were hearing.
"Is no one talking about the fact that the Teddy Bear just pulled a Kurt Cobain?" Blake asked.
"Whatever, just next episode, this one is weird as hell." Yang said as the tv swirled around again.