Stuck in Second Gear

Chapter 10

The One With the Thunderstorm

Seifer wasn't sure if the thunder woke him up, but if it hadn't, the knocking on the door certainly would have. Giving a quick glance at his bedside clock, he confirmed it was 2200. Whoever was at the door wasn't stopping, which probably meant it was important.

Grumbling, he tugged on a pair of sweatpants and shuffled to the door.

"I'm coming already, Hyne. You can stop knocking! I swear, Rai, if you locked yourself out again…"

Throwing the door open, he rubbed sleep from his eyes before surveying his guest.

She looked the same as she had six months ago when he saw her waiting in line at the coffee shop. A disheveled Garden uniform, soaked with rain. Hair askew and stringy, and there were even a few spots of mud on her face. Apparently, the storm was worse than he thought, given her presentation.

"Quistis…"

They both stood at the threshold for a moment staring at each other, before Seifer's brain kicked in and he gestured for her to come inside, pulling the soaking jacket from her shoulders in a gentlemanly flourish and hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

The stillness was interrupted by the occasional roar of thunder, increasing as the storm got closer. The only light trickling in the room was courtesy of flashes of lightning in the background, highlighting Quistis' blank face as he stared at her. She had that same lost puppy look she had months ago, and somehow, she had washed up on his doorstep once again.

"Are you…okay?" He reached out to hesitantly tuck a stray hair from her face after she tugged off her mud-soaked boots.

"I quit Garden."

No preamble. She just blurted it out. And suddenly her presentation made sense.

Seifer wasn't sure how to react, so he just waited.

"Cid offered me a promotion. I mean, it was a total bullshit promotion." Quistis began to pace the room, water dripping on the floor in her wake, in an uncharacteristic manner.

Seifer opened his mouth before promptly clamping it shut. He was fairly certain in all the years he had known Quistis Trepe, that he had never heard her swear.

She continued. "Complete bullshit. Nida as Commander? Please. And the Library Girl as Dean of Faculty? If Cid thought I was worth anything he would have…I mean, it doesn't matter, because I quit right then and there. In front of everyone. Right after he offered me the job".

She stopped walking and looked at him, as if trying to gauge his reaction. To see if he approved of her decision. Seifer wasn't sure if she was relieved, or angry, or confused.

"Is that—" he paused and reconsidered his words. "Are you happy?"

To his relief, a huge smile lit up her face. "Are you kidding? I've never felt so much relief in my life. Everything has always been chosen for me. Garden, the Trepes adopting me, the Trepies, everything. I finally get to choose something for myself. It's like, knowing Cid didn't really believe in me, finally gave me the strength to leave."

"Then we need to celebrate!" He grabbed her hand and dragged her into the kitchen, rain water in her wake, rummaging through the cupboards for a stray bottle of champagne left over from work.

Finding one, he displayed it with a proud boyish grin, jiggling it in his hand before tugging her body flush against his own and pressing his lips down to hers. "I'm proud of you, you know."

Quistis returned the kiss eagerly, her nimble hands tugging the champagne from his grasp and setting it daintily on the counter. "Thank you."

She mumbled her words against his lips, her hands crawling up the expanse of his chest, before looping around his neck.

He didn't know what she was thanking him for, but it didn't really matter.

Physical contact was always quick and frantic when they first saw each other after being apart. Their time together was so limited that it felt like going for a breath after being underwater for too long. The single breath turned into desperate, needy gasps of air that only the other could provide. Only once they were sated, could they allow the rest of reality to set in.

Taking the obvious hint, Seifer reached down and quickly unzipped the back of her stiff uniform skirt, letting her shimmy it down her hips, their lips never leaving each other. Snaking his hands between their bodies, he all but ripped her shirt off, tearing the seam and buttons with his movement.

She pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him.

He responded with a lopsided smirk and a shrug. "Not like you need it anymore, right?" With that, he cupped her bottom and hoisted her up, wet skirt forgotten on the floor, her legs wrapping easily around his waist.

Carrying her to the living room, he pressed her against cool glass floor-to-ceiling windows, the city beneath them. A small amount of maneuvering his sweatpants and deft push of her panties to the side and he was inside her. Something about Quistis turned him into a feral animal. He had never lacked control before her. In fact, he relished in how much power he normally had. With her, it all went out the window. He was at her mercy, whether she realized it or not.

Seifer had always romanticized the knight of the story, admiring the dedication with which someone was happily willing to give life and limb for their partner, and demolish anyone who got in their way. Utmost loyalty. A trait he valued above all else. Leave it to Seifer Almasy to find mass destruction romantic. But, he had it all wrong by looking for that in a Sorceress. It had been under his nose the whole time. Quistis Trepe was the type of woman he would burn it all to hell for if she asked. He had just been looking for the wrong type of magic user.

A small part of his brain was terrified of the depth of his emotion for her, how much she had wormed her way into his heart. But the other part of his brain was set ablaze by her, and made him feel that it was all worth it.

And now Garden was no longer in the way.

As if sensing his mood, the storm now turned violent, raging hard against the window pane behind Quistis' bare back.

Being inside her always felt new, somehow. Yet at the same time it felt like coming home. He would never tire of the way her eyes widened every time they finally became one, of the way she bit her lip to try and keep quiet. Of the fact that she was unequivocally never quiet.

Gods, he loved this woman.

"Fuck, you feel good…" He groaned into her neck as he thrust into her with measured strokes, her heels digging into the back of his thighs, urging him deeper. "But, I can't…" Grumbling, he pulled out of her, frustrated at not being able to get the leverage he wanted.

She whimpered as she was set to her feet. "Why are you stopping…I haven't."

"Shh…I've always got you, babe." Whirling her around to face the window, he unceremoniously jammed his knee in between her legs, willing her to spread them apart, before entering her again roughly, and setting a near-delirious pace, the front of her body pressed flush against the cool glass. Thankfully, he had turned on the dimmers for the windows when he went to sleep, otherwise he would be giving a lot of Deling City quite a show.

"You know I like to hear you scream for me."

The lightning, thunder, and rain pounding against the window swallowed her pleasure-laden cries, their hands laced together above her head against the glass.

Releasing one of her hands, he snaked his fingers in between the window and her body to find her nub, causing her to come with a strangled moan. He was already close, the curling of his toes a tell-tale sign, and the feeling of her body clenching around his dragged Seifer along with her, and he spilled himself inside her, finishing with a last few flicks of his hips.

"You're perfect," he panted out. "You're fucking perfect."

She didn't respond, instead just letting out an extremely content hum followed by a deep sigh that left him feeling more than a little smug.

Pulling reluctantly out of her warmth, he finally kicked his sweatpants off, and skillfully lifted Quistis into his arms, carrying them to the bathroom where he set her down in the shower and turned it on.

She had the softest of smiles on her face, her eyes almost glazed over as she looked at him in a way that made his knees weak. Reaching for the shampoo he knew she liked, the one he kept in the shower, just for her (though he wasn't sure if she realized it), he gently worked the suds into her tresses, washing the rainwater and mud from her. She kept her eyes trained on his own, the smile never leaving her face, finally breaking his gaze when he tilted her head back to rinse the shampoo from her hair.

Shutting the water off, he wrapped her in his robe and opted for simply securing a towel around his waist before guiding her by the hand back to his bedroom.

Once they were satisfactorily dry, they collapsed into the bed, clothed only with the sheets and quilts on their bodies. Seifer wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck once more, letting out a deep sigh. There was so much he wanted to say, but there was also so much he needed to know.

"Tell me the whole story…" He finally said. The malboro in the room that was Garden, was now finally able to become a thing of the past.

Quistis woke early, and for once, before Seifer. That was a rarity, even on days he worked into the wee morning hours at Richard's.

She stared at the ceiling for what seemed like an hour, the gravity of what had happened finally settling in. The storm had eased at some point in the night, and sunlight was creeping in from the edges of the black-out blinds, a bird chirping in the distance.

Biology got the better of her, and she was able to successfully extract herself from Seifer's grip to tip-toe to the bathroom. After relieving herself, she stopped at the threshold of the bedroom to stare at her companion.

He always looked unbelievably peaceful when he slept. Exposed. The hard lines of his face softened. He was handsome, he always had been, but when he had these moments, the youthful tones returned to him and there was a vulnerability to him that made her almost want to cry. Especially because he never let anyone else see this side of him. After Seifer confessed that he had never slept next to anyone before, Quistis quickly realized why. He didn't trust them enough.

She knew he had nightmares, too. They had awoken her, even if she pretended to stay asleep. They would wake him up and he would have a look of utter shame on his face before ripping the covers off and going into his study, presumably to write in the journals he kept.

These were all secrets of a man who had let her see the rawest bits of himself. Who had told her things on the phone she was almost certain he had never told anyone before.

This sleeping giant, who awake was all bravado, hard lines, and toughness, still had a tender lost body inside, who came out when he slept. Almost like it was reserved just for her.

She ached for him.

Trying to walk quietly across the room to grab a t-shirt from Seifer's dresser, she was halted by an arm grabbing her and pulling her back onto the bed. Quistis found herself pinned underneath the man she had been musing about, green eyes twinkling in mischief.

"Oh no you don't…didn't anyone ever tell you its rude to watch people sleep?" He said it with a teasing voice, clearly not bothered in the slightest.

One of his hands had already found her breast, and his lips were roaming her collarbone, the stubble of his face tickling her, leaving her both breathless and giggling at the same time.

"Mmmm, Seifer, you're insatiable"

He chuckled. "Me? Last time I checked you were the one who woke me up in the middle of the night with your mouth, greedy woman."

She was glad he couldn't see her blush.

"Besides, I am very on point this morning." He ground his impressive erection against her to prove his point, her legs instinctively opening for him.

"…and I want to make love to my girlfriend," he finally whispered in her ear before gently entering her and doing just that.

She didn't have time to contemplate what he had just said, her body easily distracted by his. But the words stuck with her.

An hour or so later, they finally disentangled themselves from each other, Quistis feeling limp and satisfied as she pulled on one of Seifer's t-shirts and a pair of spare panties she had buried in his dresser. It had never really dawned on her until that moment, that he had made space for her in his home. Even if it was a small gesture. He tugged on a pair of boxer-briefs and made no moves to leave the bed, instead patting the space next to him. Rolling her eyes, she slid back into bed and they sat up against the headboard, his arm tossed casually around her shoulder.

"So…I've been thinking."

"Oh? That's new for you," Quistis teased, feeling relaxed and playful. Surprisingly, the weight of quitting Garden had turned out to be an albatross lifted from her neck that she didn't realize she was carrying.

"Well, you have no reason to stay in Balamb anymore, right? Have you considered coming to Deling City? You've got friends here…there are tons of jobs for a woman of your many talents."

Quistis frowned. She had actually come up with the idea to move Deling City on her own. It was something that had been brewing. When Cid had scheduled a meeting with her, she had fantasized about being transferred to Galbadia Garden. Obviously, those fantasies had been foolish. But Deling City seemed like the most logical place to end up. Squall and Rinoa were close, Rinoa was in the city often, Zell loved it…

Hell, Rinoa had borderline suggested it to her on multiple occasions.

But she also didn't want to move a place for Seifer. It couldn't even be part of the reason. It was too much pressure. And something this entire process had taught her, was that she had underestimated him.

"Truth be told, I was already thinking the same thing," she admitted quietly, curling her knees to her chest.

Seifer cleared his throat and she saw his body visibly tense, in a way she had seen only when he braced for battle.

"Move here. I mean here. With me. Live with me. I know the apartment has a lot of gray, but you can do whatever you want with the place. Paint it, new furniture. Hell, I'll go burn it all out back right now if you want. Just let me keep my bathtub. And if it isn't big enough, we can buy the place next door and Rai can tear down a wall…"

"Seifer…"

"You're right. Right. I'm getting ahead of myself. Just. Come live with me. The timing is perfect, Quistis. You want to be here, right? Garden isn't in the way anymore…shit." He speared his hand through his hair and looked to the side. "I meant it when I said I love you. It was so easy to say. Gods, it felt good to say. I never even pretend shit like that, but…you have no idea how easy it was to tell you."

She remained quiet, shocked at Seifer's honesty.

Here Seifer was, literally offering everything she had been wanting from him on a silver platter. Even if she had never admitted to herself that she wanted it with him, she did. Gods, she did. She wanted a real life, a normal job, to be able to make her own choices. She wanted them. here he was, willing to give it to her. Without any strings, with no secrets.

Offering himself to her, completely.

It was so uncharacteristic yet on-brand for Seifer at the same time, that she was completely taken aback.

He had laid it out for her, clear as day, and she still misread and overthought all the signals. He had never given her any reason to doubt that his intentions and words were anything but sincere.

He deserved, at least, for her to have her own head on straight.

"I don't want to fall asleep without you anymore," he finally concluded with a shrug, offering an earnest, slightly apprehensive smile.

"Wow, I…" Quistis looked down at her hands, knowing she had to word things very carefully here.

She did want that. She wanted all of that. And hearing Seifer offer it to her made her realize cleaerly just how hard and deep she had fallen for him.

And apparently it was mutual.

But, she had to figure out her future by herself. She couldn't let a man be the reason to move to a completely different continent. She had to do it for her, and only her. Once she had herself on her own two feet, and only then, would this thing with Seifer work. She needed an independent life here outside of him. An independent life outside of Garden. For the first time. Ever.

"I don't want to fall asleep without you either," she finally said quietly.

It was apparent, from the way that Seifer's hopeful, youthful face was slowly fading into his trademark scowl, that he knew there was more to this answer.

"Why do I feel like there is a 'but' coming?"

"I…I think I need to be here on my own first. You know? My own place, find my own way."

He nodded, the scowl lessening, but he released her from his grip and stood from the bed. "Sure, sure, I get it. It's too soon to move in."

His words sounded honest, but there was definitely a hurt behind them, and he walked out the door of the bedroom, his back to her. She wasn't sure if it was hurt of her denial, or if he was reading deeper into her actions.

She could hear the noise of the coffee maker in the kitchen and sighed, slowly getting out of the bed, knowing this conversation was far from over. And dreading what was about to come next.

His back was still to her as he spoke again, feigning deep concentration on blending coffee beans. "I guess I was being a little too ahead of myself. Just excited you quit that hell-hole."

He was clearly trying to sound casual, but Quistis could tell it was forced. He felt rejected. But he didn't sound upset with her. He obviously did understand her desire to live alone. And respected it.

"Seifer, I like that idea. I really do. I just need time to myself first. That's all. I need to be alone."

The grinding of the beans stopped abruptly, and Seifer turned around, green eyes narrowed and burning a hole where they glared at her. "Alone?"

She stared at the tile floor underneath her feet. "Yes. I need to figure things out alone. It's the only way—"

"So, you're not just saying no to my offer of a place to live…you're ending…whatever this is? Us?" His voice was becoming sharper with each word.

"Not ending…I need a pause. A break. I have to figure out my next moves for…for me. I've never done anything just by myself, not pre-determined before. I—"

He held up his hand. "Yup. Got it. It's over. No harm, no foul. You do whatever you need to do for you. I forgot there was only one of us in this," he held up his hands for air quotes. "Thing. There's nothing else to say. Thanks for being a decent fuck."

"Seifer, this was…this is the best—"

"Gods, why the hell did you even come here last night?" The frustration was starting to slip out of Seifer's otherwise controlled façade.

"Because…because I wanted to see you! To tell you—"

"For what? For one last romp? You could have spared us both and just texted me this shit, not wasted my damn time. Shit, Quistis, I knew you were an ice queen, but I never pictured you as being heartless."

"Heartless? Last time I checked you enjoyed yourself plenty last night. And this morning, I might add."

Seifer barked out a dismissive laugh. "That's what you think this is about? Sex? I barely have to lift a pinky and could sleep with half the people in this city. I have never had to put in so much damn work before to get ass until you."

That one stung and Quistis visibly flinched. Was that what she was to him? Work? "Sorry about all those long hours you put in to sleep with me then."

A loud bang made her head snap to where Seifer was in the kitchen, fist on the counter. "Dammit, I did it because I wanted to. I want you. I thought I've made that abundantly clear these past few months. I just fucking asked you to live with me. I guess I misjudged when you…" He shook his head, not finishing his thought.

Quistis had a moment of hesitation. It wasn't until this morning that she had truly believed the depth of Seifer's feelings for her. She knew her own heart, but was always in doubt of his. He was right. He had never done anything to make her doubt him.

Yet she had doubted him. Despite every action he took telling her not to. She had failed them both. She needed to do more than just thinking about Garden in this break.

"Seifer, this isn't forever. I just need space and time to…to figure out what I'm going to do next. I need to do it alone. Please understand. I do…I do want you. Heck, I would love living in this place—"

Seifer began to laugh so hard that he actually had to sit down, and for a moment Quistis thought he may have snapped and gone loopy.

Finally composing himself, he shook his head. "A break, huh? That's what you're calling it? Babe, I am the king of tossing out lines like that. We both know what it really means."

Quistis was beginning to get frustrated, her fists curled at her side. Why couldn't he see that she needed this! It wasn't about them. Or him. It was about her! She needed to prove she could do it. That she was worth something. It was the only way the relationship between them could work. She wanted them on equal footing, not him being her rescuer! If he would stop being so prideful. So damn stubborn…

"Seifer, I love you. I love you," Quistis was surprised at how easily the words tumbled out of her mouth. When they did, she knew them to be true.

He didn't respond, or even react to her statement, though she swore she may have heard whatever muttered under his breath.

Tears were beginning to sting in the corners of her eyes. He didn't even believe her. Her admission of love had been deflected away as if it meant nothing at all.

"I want us. But it can't be like this! I have to…I need time. I'm not going to ask you to wait for me, because that's not fair, but I do! I want us to eventually be together! Why are you being so impossible and not understanding that?"

"Because you're fucking with my goddamn heart here!"

She was taken aback for a moment at his stark candor and hesitantly started to walk across the living room to where he was in the kitchen. "You're not the only one who's—"

"Please. Go. Just…go." Seifer buried his face in his knuckles, leaning his elbows on the marble of the kitchen island. "I don't want to say anything else I'll regret later. So, please get out."

Quistis reached out a hand, hovering over his shoulder, hesitating. "Seifer…I—"

"Get the fuck out of my house!" His voice roared, echoing through the apartment, causing an icy shiver to run down her spine.

Seifer rarely shouted, and this morning was the first time it had ever been directed at her. It was aggressive. Angry. And Quistis finally realized why people were so terrified of Seifer when he was head of the disciplinary committee.

Grabbing her still-wet skirt from the floor of the kitchen, she darted quickly to the door, and pulled on her shoes without lacing them. She all but ran down the hallway, pausing at the top of the stairs to haphazardly toss on her skirt and tuck Seifer's t-shirt into it. Her outfit reeked of a walk-of-shame, but she didn't care.

Behind her she could hear tremendous crashes coming from the apartment behind her, combined with the unmistakable sounds of Seifer swearing and things breaking.

Tears streaming down her face, she kept telling herself that she had done the right thing.

*runs and hides* Please don't kill me! This chapter came out really easily. I had actually finished most of it before I finished the previous chapter which, for some reason, I was struggling through. But, that means quick update! Hopefully, there won't be as much of a delay in the next chapter either :)
Many thanks to my lovely beta colobonema