OMG! SultryMakoto commissioned art for this fic. I'm still squee-ing over this! THANK YOU.

/RudexTifa/status/1432340395220996100 (twitter, for some reason its not linking)

I LOVE IT. There can never be enough Seiftis artwork ;)

beta: colobonema *kiss*

Stuck In Second Gear

Chapter 12

The One Where Quistis Reads the Text

"I can't believe it was Seifer this whole time you were sneaking off and screwing."

Xu sat crossed-legged on Quistis' bed, in her small Deling City studio apartment. It was close to the Caraway Mansion, which was why she had initially decided on it. A nice neighborhood, and convenient for work. After being used to living in dorms her entire life, it seemed rather silly to get anything larger than a studio, even though she could certainly afford it. Mercenary work had set her up for the rest of her life if she played her cards right.

The building was a converted old factory, with large paned windows curved at the top. Red brick with years of character made up the walls, vaulted ceilings with exposed piping and beams. Quistis even had an old stained-glass window above the door to her place, with a cubist image of a shoe, likely what the factory produced years ago. While the square footage wasn't huge, the high ceilings and aged charm made up for it.

The bathroom lacked a bathtub, but did have a nice walk-in shower adorned with black and white tile and a pedestal sink. Either way, it was a luxury to have a solo bathroom with a large shower and waterfall fountainhead.

The kitchen was decently sized, with a nice island with a quartz countertop and bright white cabinetry, separating the rest of the living area away from the kitchen.

Her possessions were meager as well, and the idea of having to buy a bunch of furnishings felt daunting. There were things needed for living on your own that Quistis had never really considered because she never had to. For example, the sheer number of things someone needs for a kitchen.

Ursula at the coffee shop had lent her a key so that she could bake in their large kitchen in the back, so thankfully she hadn't needed to buy everything for her kitchen. She didn't have the space anyway.

She had purchased a decent-sized bed, and had to upgrade from the single mattress at Garden. A wrought metal headboard and a colorful quilt made up her bed, reminiscent of the Bohemian style often seen in Fisherman's Horizon. Some rumaging around at the local flea market had also produced an antique desk, a desk lamp with a colorful glass shade, and a comfortable leather chair. She had even acquired a small velvet-upholstered loveseat to sit at the base of her bed.

It was a new house, but it certainly wasn't a home. Not quite, anyway. And she wasn't sure how to fix that. Garden had been a home for her in her youth. The first place, outside of the vague memories of the orphanage, where she felt welcome. She certainly was never really welcome with the Trepes. Yet, she was more than welcome at Garden. She was the star. But Garden had stopped being a home years ago, and had become just a job. A job she wasn't even being promoted in.

Utterly stale.

She had gone from being the widely recognized savior of Garden—one of the Fated Children—to relative obscurity in a number of years. Not that she wanted the world to recognize her and be photographed; she had seen firsthand what a drag that was on Rinoa and Squall. But, it would have been nice to have been appreciated. Appreciated in her own home. Then again, looking back, she wasn't sure if she was ever really appreciated to begin with. Her rise and fall had been both rapid and mostly forgotten. Squall was the golden boy. Once Cid Kramer had found himself a favorite pet, everyone else was merely collateral.

Quistis needed to spread her metaphorical wings, and now she was. Securing a job with General Caraway had been a start. At first, she thought it was out of nepotism, but Quistis quickly realized that Fury Caraway would never do anything purely altruistic. He was a soldier first and foremost. He recognized her potential and used it, hiring her as a personal advisor, especially on matters related to Garden.

Vinzer Deling had never been replaced as president of Galbadia, and Caraway had become a de facto leader in addition to the Council, of which Chantelle's father was the head. That made Caraway possibly the second most powerful person on the planet, after Laguna Loire. No wonder people were obsessed with Squall and Rinoa. Caraway had abandoned Vinzer's goals of domination and had withdrawn troops from Timber, seeing the occupation as pointless monetarily and in terms of personnel. A side benefit of his actions was to help the rift between him and Rinoa to be repaired.

Quistis' new position made Cid Kramer shake in his boots, and she got a small amount of guilty pleasure from that. He had been overlooking her for years. Or so Xu finally told her after she quit. An apartment, two jobs, a gym membership, she had even adopted a kitten.

Muffin, a fluffy white ball of energy, was rescued out of the dumpster near the coffee shop. Quistis took her home, cleaned her, gave her some cream, and that was that. The fluff-ball was currently rubbing against Xu, who was twirling a ribbon in the air for her to chase. Traitor.

Yet, something was missing.

She knew what it was. But, she wasn't about to reach out to him. Not after he had kicked her out of his apartment. Not after the words they had said. She had ended it for a reason. To prove to herself she could be a fully realized, ever-successful, perfect Quistis. Perfect. What a joke.

And here Xu wouldn't stop talking about him.

It was agony. She certainly wasn't about to admit that, though.

"I also can't believe Fujin kept it secret for that long."

Fujin barely spoke, so it wasn't a surprise that she hadn't said anything. She was also loyal to Seifer to the death.

"So, are you going to tell me why you were keeping it a secret? Fu said she didn't know what happened, but she assumed you guys broke up because you stopped coming around and Seifer has been a grade-A fucktard for the last few months." Xu picked up Muffin under her front limbs and rubbed her nose against the soft fur of her belly affectionately.

Quistis sighed, suddenly feeling a dull headache come on. "I don't know. It went on so long, I just didn't know how to tell people. I thought…"

"You thought we would think you were crazy?"

"Well, yes. Given everything with the war…"

Xu frowned. "That's so long ago, Quistis. We've all changed. Sure, I would have questioned your sanity, but I would also tell you that I've never seen you happier than when you guys were together. I've never seen you like that. Ever. I assumed there was someone when you kept sneaking off to Deling and getting all giddy about it. Any person that makes you smile like that is a winner in my book. The fact that you quit Garden was icing on that cake."

"Was I really that obvious?" Quistis blushed slightly at the description.

"Do you love him?"

There was no point in denying it. Xu was a trained interrogator and was one of the best. She would spot a lie before it even left her lips, so Quistis nodded slightly, affirming it.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Quistis absently picked at her cuticle, looking anywhere but Xu and wishing Muffin was on her lap so she had something to distract her from the way her mind was racing at Xu's interrogation.

"I don't know anymore," she finally admitted. And it was true.

"He's going to be at that party in two weeks. The one for Zell. It's going to be the biggest event in the city, you know."

Of course he would be there. She couldn't face him. Not in front of everyone. Would he throw some hussy in her face? Showing her that she was an idiot for ending it? Showing her that any confession of love had just been in a haze of lust? That she was easy to move on from? Probably. After all, she had heard nothing from him.

"I don't know if I can go," Quistis admitted quietly.

Xu stood and gently placed Muffin on Quistis' lap. "It's for Zell. He's one of your best friends. Frankly, I think you're being a damn coward and you need to stop."

Xu never minced saying what she thought. The words stung. The truth of them stung even worse.

What was she waiting for? He had offered her what she wanted, and now she had taken the time she needed. Did she still doubt him that much? It was hard not to after their fight. After he never said a word to her. Not that she had said anything to him, but she was pretty sure her words wouldn't be welcome. She had taken someone with trust issues and thrown them in his face. Taken his confession of love and essentially told him it wasn't good enough. Because at the time, she wasn't ready. She was ready now, but was it too late?

She was doing the right thing, and in the process had broken both their hearts.

She missed him. Gods, she missed him.

"I never thought I would end up with a potential son-in-law who was covered in tattoos and punched people for a living." Lord De la Croix's voice drifted from Caraway's office.

Quistis sat in the austere waiting room, typing on her laptop as she finished up a report on monsters in the Roshfall Forest. She typically worked from a rented office space Caraway had set her up in, but found herself at the mansion itself more than once a week.

"I never thought Rinny would marry a mercenary either. But here we are. Besides, Dincht is a good man. Rinny has nothing but the best to say of him." Caraway responded.

Married? There was no way Zell was already engaged, they had been together less than a year!

"Yes. I know. Chantelle has been focused at work, happier than I've ever seen her since she started with Dincht. She is ready to completely take over the shipping business. He is a together young man, despite appearances. Though, it's times like these when I miss her mother…"

"I miss her too. My sister was a wise woman. I suppose we can always send a special forces team after him if things change." Fury Caraway certainly had no problem threatening people for personal reasons using the Galbadian military. Somehow, that wasn't surprising.

Quistis cleared her throat slightly.

"Ah. Quistis! Forgive me." Caraway appeared at the door, motioning for her to come in. "Do you have the reports I asked for?"

Quistis nodded. "Yes. I just sent them to you, Sir."

Caraway gave her a stern look. "Quistis, please, call me 'General Caraway'. 'Sir' is far too formal."

Quistis inwardly facepalmed.

"Daddy! Uncle!"

Rinoa ran in, giving Caraway a kiss on the cheek. For a fleeting moment, Caraway smiled. Slightly. It vanished as soon as it appeared across his features. Chantelle waltzed in after, giving her own father and Caraway a kiss on the cheek as well.

Noticing Quistis, Rinoa turned to her and enveloped her in a huge hug. "Quisty! I didn't know you would be here! You should come try on dresses with Chantelle and me! We're getting ready for the party tonight."

Rinoa's hugs always had a way of lifting one's spirits. She was infectious like that.

Caraway nodded. "Go, Quistis. It's the weekend. You can get me the rest of the work on Sunday. Enjoy the party for Zell. Give him my best, Rinny." He nodded in the way that let everyone in the room know they were dismissed. Even his relatives.

Quistis reluctantly followed Rinoa and Chantelle upstairs to Rinoa's old bedroom in the mansion. The room hadn't changed from the last time she had seen it, though it was packed full of three different racks of designer dresses in a few different sizes, as well as boxes of shoes and jewelry. Her eyes widened slightly. There was probably about one million gil worth of merchandise in the room.

"All the designers send things over," Chantelle was explaining. "They know we will be photographed tonight, so they are eager to have their names in the magazines." She began rifling through some of the dresses, tossing some Rinoa's way.

Was this the way she lived? All the money in the world and she didn't have to actually buy anything? Quistis idly wondered if it must be somewhat lonely. How many people could really understand your life at that point? Not unlike being a prodigy at age fifteen. Zell was a great guy, but this certainly didn't seem like his pace of life. Maybe it wasn't hers either.

A woman came to the door, but before she opened her mouth, Chantelle held up a hand. "I'll buy everything. Put whatever we don't wear up for auction. Proceeds go to the normal place." She sighed. "I refuse to be anyone's billboard. I can pay, I may as well do it."

The woman seemed unfazed by Chantelle's request, making it seem like this was a somewhat regular occurrence. Maybe she didn't take advantage of her position after all, Quistis thought. Peeking over the woman's shoulder, she saw Chantelle signing a receipt that indicated that the money would go to something benefiting the orphans of the Second Sorceress War.

"Do you want a dress, Quistis? My treat. You'd look great in some of these." Chantelle pulled out a few and thrust them into Quistis' arms. Many were far more daring than the kind that Quistis was used to wearing.

"Um…"

Rinoa had tugged on a pretty navy blue dress with a sweetheart neckline and a flouncy skirt. "They are already here, Quistis. May as well."

Quistis ran a hand over the cream material in her hand. She hadn't ever owned a dress this nice in her life. It would look good on her. Carefully cut material gave the short skirt an appearance of having origami flowers on the bottom, and a deep v-neck and low cut back completed the cream ensemble. It was beautifully crafted, clearly completely sewn by hand. A pair of shoes were plopped on top.

"With these, Quisty. Hey, can you zip me up, 'Telle?" Rinoa winked at Quistis.

"I'm trying…have you gained weight? This should be your size." Chantelle was tugging at a zipper behind Rinoa's back and Rinoa's face reddened with something that looked suspiciously like guilt.

Quistis eyed her carefully and Rinoa returned a mysterious smile to her. "Well, let's try something with a little more give," she mumbled, going back to the rack to choose a different dress.

"I…I'm not sure I'm going to go tonight," Quistis said carefully, sitting on Rinoa's bed as she watched the other two continue to rifle through clothing.

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Oh Hyne, this isn't because of Seifer is it? Will you two make up already?"

Quistis grit her teeth in annoyance. "It's…"

"That dress will make his jaw drop." Rinoa glanced over her shoulder at Quistis as she tugged another dress over her head. This one was black, in a babydoll fashion with a pink ribbon underneath her chest. "Whatever happened—"

"I don't want to talk about it." Quistis crossed her arms across herself protectively.

Chantelle said nothing, merely raising an eyebrow as she grabbed a dress that was short and covered in intricate hand-beading. She stripped without shame to nothing but a pair of barely-there panties. Quistis noticed a flash of silver on her nipples, trying not to blatantly stare.

Chantelle turned and winked, holding a finger to her mouth. "Zell's idea. Our little secret," she said before shimmying into the short dress.

Zell was always full of surprises, though given his affinity for tattoos, piercings shouldn't have come as any surprise. He clearly didn't shy from needles.

"I wish you two would get over it and make up already. It seems pretty obvious to everyone that you were better off together."

Rinoa never knew when to stop.

"Rinoa, please…"

"Fine. That's all I'll say. And that no one cares. They all know. Except for Zell. Though, honestly, I was surprised about Zell and Seifer's bizarro bromance. When Chantelle said they regularly hung out—"

"Rinoa…" Quistis was now nearly begging. She didn't want to hear about Seifer anymore. It was bad enough he was always hovering at the edge of her thoughts. She didn't need him regularly mentioned by almost everyone she knew. Even if maybe they had a slight point.

"Seifer is a bit of a dick. But deep down, he's decent. A good friend to Zell. Not bad on the eyes either." Chantelle dropped a necklace onto the pile on Quistis' lap. "He's got nothing on my moomba though."

She turned back to Rinoa, posing in the beaded dress she had grabbed earlier. "I understand if you don't come. Keep the dress either way. Maybe you can use it later."

Quistis nodded mutely, and watched quietly as the two cousins continued to try on various dresses and shoes, giggling the whole time. At some point the wet nose of Angelo came to her for petting and she complied, enjoying the quiet company.

Two weeks later, she had, against her better judgement, taken a few of the gossip magazines that were normally set out for anyone's perusal at the Deling City Perk. Ursula had been giggling over one when Quistis dropped off petit fours to be sold that day.

She was beginning to regret her decision.

The first picture she saw was one showing what looked like Seifer with a beard and Rinoa, claiming that Seifer was the father of Rinoa's baby. She had no idea Rinoa was pregnant, but suddenly her inability to find a dress that fit, and her mysteriousness the other week all made sense.

That stung a little. Yet another step forward for someone other than her.

Then, there were pictures from the party she hadn't attended. A sweet one of Rinoa and Squall with a caption underneath. Squall was wearing his usual ensemble with a slightly nicer shirt, and Rinoa had opted for the black dress. She was smiling but looked rather peakish. While Quistis was guilt-ridden at the decision to not attend, she knew Zell would understand. Chantelle pretty much implied as much.

The beaded dress Chantelle had first tried on turned out to be her choice for the evening. It was one of the smallest dresses Quistis had ever seen, and Chantelle paired it with a torama fur stole draped around her shoulders. Damn her, she pulled it off though. She had her lips pressed to Zell's cheek, who had multiple medals adorning his neck, a beer in one hand, and the other arm wrapped around his companion, hand full of her generous bottom. His shirt was unbuttoned, displaying the fact that he had added substantially to his tattoo collection, and that his nipples were also pierced. He apparently hit the gym as much as Seifer. Every single inch of him was compact, hard, toned muscle. Even more so than what she remembered from the war. They made a ridiculously hot couple, that was for sure. He was positively beaming, and Chantelle practically glowed with happiness and pride. The caption read: Lady Chantelle De la Croix celebrates with confirmed boyfriend, Zell Dincht. Dincht swept the World Games in T-board, winning a record five gold medals. Do we see wedding bells in the future?

Zell looked so confident. A confidence that lacked hubris that made him undeniably attractive. He had always suffered from a lack of it. Whether it be from the fact that he was on the shorter side, or the fact that he had been such a cry-baby. The library-girl certainly hadn't helped things, more or less stringing him along, allowing a few kisses here and there, but never really committing to him. Zell deserved this, and the results were splashed on the page of a magazine.

Quistis felt a smug satisfaction at knowing the library-girl was likely seeing this. Especially after the girl got that ridiculous promotion at Garden.

There was more written below. Apparently Zell and Chantelle's relationship merited its own short paragraph.

Insiders say that Dincht has been a positive influence on the young socialite's life. "She has hung up her party shoes for work boots," a friend said. Lady De la Croix has started taking over her father's shipping business and has shown serious acumen. When she isn't working, she is always supporting her new beau's career, whether ringside at his boxing matches, or in the VIP booth at the most recent World Games. "They are very much in love," an insider told us. "I think she found the one and is settling down."

Don't let the tattoos and career mislead you. Zell was previously an A-ranked SeeD at Balamb Garden, and involved in the conclusion of the Second Sorceress War, a decorated hero. Lord De la Croix has allegedly welcomed the brawler into the family with open arms. He says he is "thrilled" with the match. Friends say they have never seen Lady de la Croix happier. Eagle eyes may have noticed new tattoos on Dincht and De la Croix…

In the background of this photo there were clearly many other people at the party. She spotted Xu and Fu, and even Selphie. And then one guest in particular caught her eye.

She could spot him anywhere. Even with the facial hair. Even in the grainy background. The look on his face was indistinguishable, but the sheer mass had to be Seifer Almasy. He was lounging in some booth, with one girl, with gorgeous dark skin and wavy hair in a dress even smaller than Chantelle's sitting next to him and leaning into his ear, presumably whispering to him. Had the dress been any shorter, the entire world would know if she was wearing underwear or not. Another girl, a tall leggy blonde, in what could only be described as a bra and hot pants was sitting on one of his legs and speaking in the other ear. She clearly had her hands all over him, and the first one had her hand on his thigh…very high on his thigh. He wasn't touching either of them, but she also couldn't make out his facial expression in the photo.

Freaking groupies.

Quistis mentally kicked the image out of her brain and chastised herself for looking at the magazine…again…for the hundredth time.

Gods, he was probably in bed with some floozy as she was putting sheets on her own bed. Some floozy with huge breasts and a killer smile, probably doing all sorts of kinky things in that huge bed of his. All the things that Quistis thought about but was always too afraid to ask. The things that he somehow knew, and shared with her. Never pushing too hard or demanding. Things she wasn't even aware she wanted, yet somehow he always knew exactly when to be gentle, when not to be, the exact right way to touch her in every situation.

Now he was probably with one of a string of conquests. It was no secret what he was like before…whatever it was between them. He admitted it to her himself. She liked to think what they had was special. That it meant something to him. That what they did together wasn't just what he had done with every other rando. He had told her he loved her and meant it, right?

But the little demons in her brain were telling her not to believe that. To believe the worst. And the picture wasn't helping.

Then the phone dinged.

Her heart started to race as she looked at the sender. It had been almost three months. And nothing. Now a text. Part of her didn't want to open it, but the other part dared to hope that maybe there was a chance at reconciliation. That maybe he really did understand why she did what she did.

I'll be waiting for you. There, I said it. Do what you need to do.

Clutching the phone to her chest, she felt her heart swell. It could hardly be construed as poetry, but it felt like the most romantic words she had ever read.

Something inside of her snapped, and before she could second guess herself, she was pulling on a pair of shoes and running out the door.

She felt like she was knocking for hours before he finally opened the door. He looked groggy, adorably rubbing sleep from his eyes, clad in a pair of sweatpants.

His chest and abs showed that the time away hadn't lessened his ability to go to the gym. If anything, it looked like he had been working out more. The beard suited him, and his hair had grown lazily. For Seifer, it was likely due to idleness, but all it did was make him more handsome. The scruffy, careless look easily worked for him.

Of course it did.

"Quistis…" His eyes narrowed slightly, and apprehension flashed in them. "What are you—mmph!"

His question was left unfinished as Quistis threw her arms around his neck and smashed her lips to his. He tasted exactly like she remembered, with a mix of his toothpaste. Familiar. So familiar. This was home. She realized. This was where she was supposed to be.

Initially startled, Seifer began to return the kiss, a hand coming up to tug her hair out of its ponytail so he could run his fingers through it. His kisses trailed down her cheek and down the column of her neck as he dragged her inside his apartment, kicking the door shut with his foot.

He paused and took a deep breath at her neck, seemingly inhaling her scent to memory.

"I missed you." Quistis confessed softly in his ear, before turning his face to her again so she could kiss him. Her nimble hands dragged down his arms, remembering the toned muscles of his biceps, the way the sinew flexed underneath her touch. The way goosebumps rose at her beckoning.

"I…I can't do this."

Just as quickly as they had started kissing, it stopped. Seifer none-too-gently pushed her off of his body and all but tossed her onto the couch, taking a seat as far away as humanly possible as if she was carrying some rare contagious untreatable disease. He took deep breaths, seemingly calming himself down.

He certainly could do something, that was apparent by the bulge forming in his sweatpants. Which meant… he didn't want to.

Quistis felt like she had been slapped in the face. Hell, a slap in the face would have been preferable to the strangling feeling that was creeping around her throat. "But…your text."

Her heart actually ached. She had come over so hopefully, so happy, ready for this, and all for him to reject her. Why? Was he that angry at her? Had the text been an elaborate ploy just to hurt her? Payback?

"Don't get me wrong. I want it. Hyne, I want you," he motioned towards his chest and down to his crotch. "Sweet Shiva, it's been three freaking months."

She raised an eyebrow, filing that information for later. Did that mean he hadn't been with anyone else either? Did that mean that he really was waiting for her?

"But, I can't do this again. Not just to have you…" Seifer sighed, training his gaze out the window.

It dawned on her. He was afraid she was going to bail on him again. Use him for a physical connection and leave. She wasn't the only one who was scared. And somehow that comforted her.

"Are you in or not?" He finally turned to look at her, green eyes boring holes.

"Because, if you're in. I'm in. I'm all in." His eyes were disarming her on the spot, the intensity of his gaze all but destroying her. Making her feel foolish for waiting this long.

"I'm all in, Seifer. All in. So much, I—"

Her words were cut off as he all but hauled her onto his lap, lips finding hers once again.

"I missed you," he confessed as he lifted her with ease, his kisses slowing as he carried her back to his bedroom. The site of so many of their encounters.

Homecoming. That's what this was.

Seifer proceeded to slowly undress her. Taking his time to reacquaint his lips and hands with every inch of her skin. When he was finished with her, she was left a quivering, shaking mess. Her entire body slack and jelly-like. Only to hear the sound of his sweatpants being tugged down, and realizing he had done it all for her. He still hadn't done anything for himself.

Without ceremony, he turned her onto hands and knees and took her without mercy. Like an animal. His hands tangling in her hair and tugging up, preventing her from burying her face in the pillow. His other hand clawing at her hip.

"I need to hear you," he grunted, his voice cracking slightly.

He was rough and primal. Possessive. All of his frustration, anger, lust, and love coming out in one act. Releasing all of himself, all his pent-up anger at her for leaving, his need, his deep desires. While what he had done, worshipping every inch of her body and leaving her completely satisfied was for her, this—this was for him. And she was happy to give it to him. As usual, he seemed to know exactly what she needed and gave her both sides of him.

After he spilled himself into her, he all but collapsed, pressing both their bodies into his soft mattress as he laid gentle kisses on her shoulder.

"Was I-?"

She shook her head. "No. Perfect."

He rolled off and turned their bodies so they were facing each other. As she met his gaze she realized. Sure, there was a lot that still needed to be talked about. But that could wait until morning. Either way, it was a new beginning for the both of them.

This time, it would work.