Innocent Feelings

28

Trauma

She couldn't see the end of it, but Videl didn't let the seemingly endless set of stairs falter her will. Step after step she climbed, holding the crate with bottles of milk firmly in her grasp as she focused on her goal: the top of the mountain – or was it a plateau? Well, never mind which one was the more accurate geographic vocabulary, she had more important things to put her energy in.

To think this was only the beginning. They had started off with a light jog that lasted maybe twenty minutes or so, and at that point Videl actually felt confused because it had looked too easy and she had been expecting something a lot harder than a simple morning jog as the first stage of the renowned Turtle Hermit training regimen.

She didn't have to wait long for her expectations to be met, and then well exceeded too.

Krillin, Gohan and she had made a stop at a house where a bull-man had been waiting for them. He gave Krillin a piece of paper and thanked him for the help. Then Krillin turned to her and motioned to the set of two boxes with glass bottles of milk.

"Take one, I'll carry the other. We're going to deliver milk."

"What about me?" Gohan piped up.

"Well, since you're not going to be here every day anyway, I figure I might as well use the exercise," Krillin explained with an amused smile, bending down to pick up the first box of milk bottles.

"Wait," mumbled the bull-man in disbelief, "you're not going to use my chopper?"

Krillin grinned at that. "Ah, just like old times. Makes sense, it's been over twenty years. Are you the son of the previous milk delivery man?"

While Krillin and the bull chit-chatted for a bit, Videl went over to the second box and hoisted it up, hugging it to her chest. It wasn't light, but nothing she couldn't handle.

"I feel weird having nothing to carry while you and Krillin get to do all the work," Gohan said with a sheepish, kind of guilty smile while scratching his hair.

Videl smirked. "Try that rock over there," she suggested, motioning to a rock the size of a dinosaur egg with her head.

Gohan followed her gaze and grinned in amusement. "Maybe I should, yeah," he said, playing along.

Thinking back about her boyfriend's adorable face made her chuckle, which might have been a waste of her much-needed energy right now. Did this plateau even have a top? When were these stairs ever going to end?

"You holding out?" asked the aforementioned boyfriend.

"Obviously," she smirked confidently through her shallow breaths. The heat wasn't making the effort any easier. She was flushed and sweating bullets.

It was a little jarring how Gohan wasn't even the slightest bit winded; how he didn't seem to put any effort at all into climbing the endless set of stairs. Of course, she knew it made perfect sense. As much as a part of her was inwardly pulling at her hair at the fact that she could never be as strong as him, let alone be the best fighter, Videl knew the reason was bigger than her. It was merely a matter of physiology, like how a gorilla would always overpower a monkey. The analogy was amusing considering what Gohan had told her about Saiyans.

However, that didn't mean Videl had given up on the thought of becoming the strongest – that is, the strongest human fighter.

Gohan nodded his head with a smile. "It's a pretty tough regimen, huh? I can't imagine having to go through all that back when I was taught how to fight."

"Didn't you tell me you were like five years old at the time?" Videl took a moment to inhale a sharp breath. She figured talking was kind of a waste of her energy, but as much as she needed her stamina, Videl didn't want to let it get to her to that extent. If she couldn't even have a chat with her boyfriend, what was the point of him being there for her today? Besides, it was taking her mind off the strain in her legs and arms as she kept climbing these stairs while carrying the box of milk bottles, which seemed to be getting heavier with each passing second.

"Actually, I was four, but that's not the point I was making," Gohan corrected her in good faith.

"What was your training like, for that matter? You only told me Piccolo decided you would be an asset against the Saiyans and trained you for a year."

With everything Gohan had had to tell her about his life story that day at the town park, she couldn't hold it against him for having to gloss over a lot of it while the sun began to set and the afternoon turned into evening.

The sheepish, and maybe a little nervous grin that dug into his cheek further fueled her curiosity. Her eyes sparkled in interest, silently urging him to answer her inquiry.

"He, um…" Gohan scratched his hair, squirming uneasily. "He brought me in a wild jungle and kinda… left me there to fend for myself for half a year."

Her legs stopped their ascent mid-step and she stared at Gohan with a gaping mouth. "He… what? But you were only…"

Walking up the stairs some distance ahead of them, Krillin called them out. "No breaks, Videl! And Gohan, don't distract my student!"

He had a wide grin even though his words were meant to scold them, looking like he was having the time of his life as his new role of martial arts master.

Videl quickly resumed her task and shouted, "Sorry!" at the same time as Gohan. They shared an amused smile, but Videl's traits then furrowed as she thought of what the boy she loved just admitted to her.

"How could Piccolo do that to a four-year-old?" She knew the Namekian was the spawn of a demon, but still… What if Gohan hadn't made it? Okay, so he wasn't any four-year-old, but the mental trauma alone would have damaged any kid, and she doubted having Saiyan genes would make any difference in that regard.

"Well, it was scary at first, sure, but I adapted quickly enough and it turned out to be a lot of fun," Gohan said with a careless shrug. "I made all kinds of animal friends, I taught myself to hunt and to fish and where to find fruits and vegetables; I loved exploring the jungle too. It was a beautiful place. And he actually left me with a sword, so I had a weapon to get by. Made good use of it too."

The way he was talking about it, you would think he was recounting the time he went to summer camp. Was he trying to reassure her by brushing it off like it was nothing, or did he actually feel like it wasn't that big of a deal? He did seem to regard his mentor with the highest respect and didn't sound like he held any kind of grudge or resentment against Piccolo for what he had put him through.

"For the second half of the year, Piccolo started actually training me," Gohan continued, his eyeballs rolling to the upper right side while he accessed his memory. "I had toughened up by getting by on my own in the jungle, but I didn't know how to actually fight against a proper opponent. It was… pretty brutal, I guess," he admitted with a serious nod of his head, his voice getting quieter. And then he perked up again and shot her one of his gentle smiles. "But that's also when we became friends, or rather, when he became kind of a father figure to me. They're fond memories to me, even if I would be bruised and sore all over by the end of the day. And I'm glad he never held back when he sparred with me. I wouldn't have gotten strong enough for the real fight if not for that – and even then, I was barely good enough at the time…"

His eyes glazed over and his brow furrowed, and Videl had the feeling he had gotten lost in his memories.

His training may not have traumatized him, but something definitely did. Gohan had been through so much… It was a wonder he was so level-headed and at the same time, so carefree and optimistic.

She loved him all the more for it.

"What are you remembering?" Videl asked in a hushed voice.

He looked up at her and a subdued, melancholic smile curved his lips lightly. "How Piccolo gave his life to save me, because I wasn't strong enough."

It dawned on her then. Guilt. That was what caused his trauma, Videl realized. She wished she wasn't carrying the box of bottles so she could hold him tight and soothe his pain cradling him in her arms.

"I'm sure Piccolo doesn't regret his choice for a second," she said with a fond smile. If anything, she could still cheer him up with words of comfort. "And he's alive now, isn't he? Thanks to you going to Namek to bring him back."

"I was there too, you know!" Krillin called over his shoulder, shooting them his trademark grin. Videl felt the tug on her lips widen at his infectious enthusiasm.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" she accused in good humor, the playful banter lightening the mood.

"Hey, it's not my fault you underestimated my hearing," Krillin shot back with a mirthful glint in his brown eyes. "I may be getting older but I'm not going deaf yet, you know!"

Videl felt her grin dig into her cheeks more and more. That man cracked her up. And he apparently had the same effect on Gohan who let out a small laugh, and Videl beamed all the more as she caught his twinkling eyes.

And, at last, they reached the top of the stairs on the rocky plateau. Her heartbeat was finally calming down – boy, that was a lot of stairs. She took the empty glass bottle in the customer's mailbox and replaced it with one full of milk from her crate. Meanwhile, Krillin greeted an old monk, who perked up in recognition. They started chatting and reminiscing the "good, old days", back when the current Turtle Master used to be in Videl's place, doing the exact same task alongside Goku, and later on Yamcha.

Maybe that was why Gohan had managed to stay so grounded and light-hearted despite everything he had been through in his relatively short life. He had friends like Krillin to be there for him, to cheer him up when he was down. And he had her now, too. Videl smiled to herself at the thought. Why she was so blessed as to be the one Gohan chose, the girl would never know, but she wasn't going to question her lucky star; she contented herself with giving it her eternal gratitude.

ooOoo

The first task of the day seemed to drag on and on and on… Gritting her teeth as she pushed through the high-current river while holding the crate over her head, Videl mentally recounted everything she'd had to go through so far while delivering the milk all over the island. First, the pathway with rows of trees that she had to run through in zigzags. Then, the impossibly high plateau with its endless set of stairs. From there, she had to walk on a tree trunk that served as a bridge to another plateau, and although she wasn't afraid of heights, the vastness of the emptiness below them, the seemingly endless fall she would've made had she made the smallest mistake, the tiniest misstep; it had been enough to make her head spin. Following that, she had to hurry through quicksand if she didn't want to get swallowed. And now, she was somehow advancing in the fast river current and trying not to get carried off while her box of bottles clinked over her head.

All of which before the clock had barely ticked seven in the morning.

Sheesh. Master Roshi wasn't kidding when he said learning the Turtle Way meant risking her life. What else was awaiting her today?

"Tired already?" Gohan shot at her good-naturedly from the dry land, crouched over the riverbank as he waited for her to join him alongside Krillin.

She knew what he was doing. She could see right through him. Gohan was purposely challenging her, hitting her sore spot to get her fired up. Needless to say, her boyfriend knew her well: it worked like a charm. Videl pushed through the fast current with renewed vigor, her eyes narrowing in concentration and determination, and, soon enough, she reached the riverside. She put her crate on the ground and hoisted herself up, finally stepping onto the still earth, fat drops of water dripping off everywhere around her. A long breath cleared out her lungs. Finally.

"No time to rest, kiddo. Let's get going," Krillin ushered her on, relentless despite the sympathetic smile he shot at her over his shoulder; he was already trotting off again. Videl's shoulders slumped. Slowly, she picked up her box of glass bottles and tiredly jogged after the short man. Her wet clothes were sticking to her body uncomfortably, but the cool water wasn't all that unwelcome on this hot morning. She figured it was better than drowning in her own sweat.

"You okay?" Gohan asked with a slight frown of concern, jogging alongside her.

She must look terrible right now, and as much as his presence throughout her first day of training had been encouraging and motivating for her, Videl couldn't help wishing Gohan wasn't there to see her in such an unattractive state. While she knew he loved her for her before caring about her physique, she felt self-conscious of her current appearance.

"Do I look…" She heaved a sharp breath, "…that awful?"

He cracked a smile. "Honestly?"

"I'm dreading… the worst," she panted.

He beamed at her, grinning from ear to ear. "You've never looked more stunning."

She rolled her eyes, not believing his sweet talk for a second. "Stunningly appalling, you mean."

Two onyx gems glistening in amusement as, somehow, his grin got even bigger. "Appalingly beautiful." Now that was an oxymoron if she ever heard one.

They burst out laughing, which wasn't the best timing for Videl seeing as she was already winded from the exhausting milk delivery and it was slowing her down.

Not to mention, the looming presence stomping down so heavily from behind them. A presence which was making the earth shake.

Videl turned her head to look over her shoulder – and all her mirth died out. "Oh, my god…"

A T-Rex. It was a friggin' Tyrannosaurus Rex, heading straight at them with hungry eyes and saliva dripping off its mouth full of gigantic, sharp-edged teeth.

"Run!" Krillin exclaimed, yet somehow sounding like he was on the verge of busting out in laughter.

Her survival instinct kicked in and she was barely aware of the screech coming out of her throat as she ran as fast as her legs could possibly carry her, digging deep inside her reserves of energy and pulling out strength and endurance she had no idea she still had left. But the T-Rex was still chasing her, on the hunt, his loud, heavy, clawed paws following her every step.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH…!"

"Come on, Videl, it's the last stop!" Krillin encouraged her, his voice bearing no trace of fear as he ran almost leisurely ahead of her. Did he seriously not worry about the carnivorous dinosaur looming behind and barrelling after them? Not even in the slightest bit?

Trotting by her side yet apparently unnoticed by the frightened girl, Gohan pursed his lips tightly and his brow creased deeply as he forced himself to stay put and not knock down the dangerous predator, struggling against himself to keep his word of not interfering with Videl's training. His fists clenched as he had to watch the pure terror twist the features of her face, yet couldn't do anything about it.

"Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god," Videl kept repeating as she dashed as fast as she could, her eyes wide open, her pupils completely dilated. "Oh, my fucking god!"

His throat tightened. While she managed to outrun the T-Rex, he hated seeing her so frightened. He knew that it was the whole point, that fearing for her life allowed her to push through her limits, and it was certainly a success if her impressive speed and renewed stamina was any indication – but that didn't mean he had to approve of it.

He caught the eye of his father's best friend, looking at him over his shoulder; Krillin nodded at him, offering the boy a sympathetic smile, silently letting him know that he understood what he was going through and encouraging him in his struggle. Gohan nodded his head in response, appreciating his support.

At last, the T-Rex gave up on chasing them, maybe growing tired or catching sight of easier and slower prey.

Videl was on her hands and knees, her eyes bulging, sweat dripping down her whole being, sprinkling on the dirt below her. Her lungs were burning as they attempted to fill up with air again, screaming in thirst. Her whole body was shaking.

"What… the… hell…"

"I know," Krillin offered in empathy, crouching down to put a hand on her shoulder. "I was scared out of my mind the first time that T-Rex started chasing us, too. You fared much better than me back then, for that matter. I screamed like a little girl and was begging for mercy all along."

But Videl didn't respond, didn't react to his joking tone. She didn't even seem to hear him. She was still staring at the ground, on her hands and knees. The tremor of her limbs wasn't calming down. She clutched the earth in her closed fists, her knuckles turning white.

"Videl…?" Gohan called softly, his throat tightening in anguish as he took a tentative step toward the girl. Something was wrong. However scary that chase had been, it wasn't like Videl to lose her cool like this. If anything, she was more than used to risking her life, what with her extra-curricular activity of fighting dangerous criminals.

Something was not right. What was going on?

"I… I'm okay…" she managed to utter out in an uneven whisper. Her boyfriend was not convinced; his frown deepened as his worry grew, causing a knot to form in his stomach. Videl looked positively aghast, and she was still in the same position, looking as though she was petrified at the thought of moving even the slightest muscle. "I'm okay…" she murmured again.

And then something truly dreadful happened, and Gohan was rooted on the spot, unable to react, unable to move, unable to do anything. His brain had shut down – short-circuited by the unbearable sight in front of him.

A sob shook through her being. Tears gathered in her eyes and blotched the dirt below her. She curled up in a fetal position, hugging her legs close as she tried to cry silently – yet she was unable to suppress her sobs, and they kept coming, one after the other, making her whole body convulse uncontrollably.

"What in the…" Krillin breathed in utter disbelief, his eyes wide from the shock and incomprehension as he watched the girl weep helplessly to herself.

And then Gohan woke up with a start and was holding Videl close not a moment later. Sitting on the ground, he embraced his trembling girlfriend close to his heart, hoping against hopes that his presence was providing her with at least the slightest bit of comfort.

What was happening? What on earth was going on?

Feeling his eyes watering, Gohan shut them tightly to hold his welling tears at bay, his arms tightening around the girl he loved as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and rocked her gently, hoping to soothe her. He had to stay strong; he needed to be strong for Videl. Whatever was going on, she needed him right now, and that meant he could not have the luxury of letting himself break down. Not now.

He had to be strong for her.

June 12, 2021