Hello Hearties! Welcome to Part I of my Fan Fiction story. My primary goals in this story are to stay as true to the characters as possible and to present to you a story about Nathan Grant finding happiness and the love of his life. Everything that happened and everything that was said on screen in the show will be upheld and expounded upon in this story. For all Team Nathan Hearties, I promise you a love story for Nathan that will hopefully make up for some of the heartache that you felt following Season 8. As for Team Lucas Hearties, you are also welcome! While Lucas and Elizabeth are not prominently featured in the story, I attempted to stay as true to their characters as I possibly could. And to all Hearties, I hope you enjoy the story!
Chapter 1: The Valley of Shadow
"I do love you, Nathan. It would be impossible not to. I'm just not in love with you." The words sounded over and over again in Nathan's mind as he rode through the foggy town. Now that darkness had fallen, he could be alone with his thoughts without interruption. Rounds could often be mundane or lonely. But tonight? Tonight, he wanted to be alone. "I'm just not in love with you." Nathan's chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh. Heartache was nothing new to him. But something was different this time. In the past, he could at least attempt to find an answer.
This time there was no answer. Elizabeth was not in love with him and would never be in love with him. For the tenth time that day, Nathan felt a lump forming in his throat. He still loved her, he knew, but he could feel all the dreams of a life with her that he had had slipping through his fingers. That bright image of the future together, the one he had seen while looking out over the river on Bill's plot of land… It had seemed so clear then. He could hear Allie's voice and Jack's laughter over the flow of the river. He could see Elizabeth, standing there by his side, giggling as she watched the two children playing together at the stream's edge. Then she had turned towards him with a smile and a playful look in her eyes… Nathan shook himself from the dream and gave Newton a little kick. As the loyal steed quickened his pace, Nathan looked out over the pond, which was veiled in a thick mist. Now that Elizabeth would never be a part of his life, what did the future hold? It was as cloudy as the night. It felt empty and dark.
Luckily the livery was dimly lighted by the glow of a small lantern as Nathan guided Newton through the double doors. It had been a quiet night. No incidents to report. No irregularities to speak of. With the rescue of Jesse, and the arrival of Wyman Waldon and the Pinkertons, that hadn't been the case as of late. But tonight… It was a relief to Nathan to have some peace and quiet for a change. He pulled the saddle from Newton's back and laid it down against a fresh stack of hay. Only the crickets disturbed the silence. The streets outside were empty. Ever since Lucas had sold the saloon, the town square lay vacant, and the Queen of Hearts remained cold and dark. Nathan folded up the navy blue saddle blanket with another sigh and quickly brushed away the threads of straw. The future did indeed look dark, perhaps because of the blackness of the night. His mother had always told him that things always seem worse at night, and maybe she was right. Grimly, Nathan brushed Newton's chestnut coat, freshened his stall, and marched through the double-doors again, in the direction of the Mountie office.
He was surprised to find Bill there, pouring over a note in his hand. "Bill?" he frowned, confused. "What brings you here so late?" Bill didn't look up. "I came to look for some old records" he muttered. "And I might ask you the same question. Why aren't you home?" Nathan laid his hat on the peg. "I just finished my rounds" he murmured. "Nothing to report. What records are you looking for exactly?" Bill finally glanced up and grunted. "Henry Gowen gave me more evidence for a case I've been working on for a long time" he said, letting the paper flutter down on Nathan's desk. "I had hoped to get some kind of lead by going through some of Jack's old ledgers." Nathan's head dropped at the mention of Jack's name. "Check the shelf" he said sadly, pointing to the bookshelf in the corner near his desk. His jaw clenched slightly as he began to unbutton his serge. Bill made for the shelf but looked up again when Nathan's silence caught his attention. "Something on your mind?" he asked gruffly, crouching down beside the bookshelf. Nathan stared down at the chair behind his desk thoughtfully. "Bill…" he murmured distantly. "Have you ever… felt like you were living in someone else's shadow, and you just couldn't shake it?" Bill saw Nathan staring at the chair and stood up slowly. "Are you talking about Jack Thornton?" he asked, more gently this time. Nathan frowned slightly, still staring at the leather seat. He shook his head sadly. "All my life, I wanted to prove to myself and to everyone else that I wasn't my father" he said slowly. "It's why I became a Mountie in the first place. When I came to Hope Valley, I knew I had big shoes to fill. But I had hope that the people here would learn not to compare me to him… to Jack. I guess I hoped for too much…" Bill's head tilted to one side and a compassionate smile came over his face. "Nathan" he murmured. "Jack was at the very heart of this community, and the people of Hope Valley loved him. Now, if folks are still comparing you with him, don't you think it means that you've filled his shoes pretty well?" Nathan glanced back at the leather chair and nodded grimly. "I guess that's one way of looking at it." Bill came to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Listen" he said seriously. "You're a good Mountie and a good man. But Jack would never have wanted you to live in his shadow. His death changed your life in a lot of ways. It brought you here. But Nathan… It may be time to let it go."
Bill's words stuck with Nathan as he trudged home that night. The frozen path crunched beneath his feet and a cloud of smoke rose from his breath. Maybe Bill was right. Jack Thornton's image had loomed over his life like a dark cloud for a long time now. Perhaps it was time to move on; to let it go, like Bill had suggested. After all, Jack Thornton was just a man. An excellent man, of course, but in the grand scheme of things, no different than himself or Bill or any other man really. And if Jack was as good of a man as everyone made him out to be, surely he wouldn't have wanted anyone to suffer through life as a result of his death. Nathan's thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the warm glow from the window of his rowhouse. Allie was still awake, probably waiting for him to get back.
She was sitting near the fire reading when he walked in, and immediately jumped up to help him with his coat. "Hey Uncle Nathan" she said softly, folding the coat and laying it aside. Nathan smiled faintly. "Hey Allie" he murmured. "I'm sorry I'm back so late. Bill and I had some business to attend to." Allie could sense his state of mind and smiled compassionately. "Another hard day?" she asked timidly. Nathan forced a smile in an attempt to cover up what she already knew. "No…" he said as cheerfully as he could. "It was actually really quiet tonight." Allie nodded sadly. "Can I make you something to eat?" she asked. "You must be hungry." Nathan shook his head. "I'm alright" he said, with a grateful smile. "However, I will come and join you in front of that fire you built. My hands are frozen stiff!" The two of them went and sat down, but Allie's pensive look did not disappear. Finally, Nathan leaned forward in his chair, concerned. "Allie, is everything ok?" he asked worriedly. Allie dodged his gaze, then looked into the fire. "Uncle Nathan…" she began hesitantly. "Uncle Nathan, there's something I want to talk with you about." Nathan straightened up expectantly. "Of course," he said. "What's up?" Allie looked at him anxiously, before lowering her gaze again. "Will Mrs. Thornton ever… will she ever like you?" Nathan's mouth opened, but he didn't know what to say. He had tried his best to keep his feelings hidden from Allie. But Allie knew him better than anyone, and no amount of hiding on his part could conceal the feelings he had for Elizabeth. Allie's eyes became misty as she continued. "Please…" she whispered. "I already know how you feel. You can tell me now." Nathan gazed down at his little girl for a long minute, and when she looked up at him again, he knew he needed to explain everything to her. He put an arm around her, and she laid her head against him, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "Allie" he said slowly. "It's true that I liked Mrs. Thornton. But she loves someone else. And since she's happy with that person, then I'm happy too." Allie looked up at him teary-eyed. "You don't seem happy" she murmured. "You always look so sad whenever you think I'm not watching." Nathan pulled her closer and shook his head. "Sometimes moving on from liking someone takes some time" he said, running his hand through her hair. "And it hurts for a little while. But Mrs. Thornton is meant to be with someone else. And when you're meant to be with someone, well… Then nothing should ever stop you from being with them." Allie nodded, but her face didn't change. "Uncle Nathan…" she whispered softly. "Is there someone you are meant to be with?" Nathan gazed blankly into the fire momentarily, before grinning playfully down at Allie. "Of course," he smiled. "I'm meant to be with you. And you are all that I'll ever need." Allie gave his rough hand a squeeze and drying her eyes, smiled brightly again.
The two of them sat there, gazing into the fire, until finally Allie began to yawn. "I think it's time you went to bed" Nathan chuckled. "Come on. You have school tomorrow." Allie closed the book in her lap and straightened up sleepily. As she walked toward her room, she stopped suddenly and turned to face him. "Can you promise me something Uncle Nathan?" she asked seriously. "Promise me that you won't let anything stop you from being with someone who you are meant to be with." Nathan nodded, smiling. "Of course, Allie" he grinned. "I promise." Allie grinned and nodded. "Good" she said softly. "I'm going to hold you to that." Nathan laughed to himself as Allie disappeared into her room. It was a weight off his chest to have told Allie. Bill's words had also made an impact on him. "It may be time to let it go." And in his heart, Nathan knew that it was.