I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I just started a new job, and I feel like I have very little time to myself when I get home everyday... And even when I do get me-time, I tend to spend it vegging in front of the TV and not using any brain power. I'll get used to it eventually!

Thank you SO MUCH for the response from last chapter! Special shoutout to megan39, who gave me such a thoughtful and encouraging review! You guys are motivating me to keep going with this, even when I'm not so confident with my work. Here's a nice long chapter, just for y'all!

These characters are not mine, they belong to SM! Lucky...

ENJOY!

The events of the day replayed in my head like a whirlwind. It seemed as though I had been laying there for hours willing my mind to shut down and be quiet. I turned my head to peek at the red LED numbers on my alarm clock, which confirmed my suspicions. It was 3:36 AM and I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep.

I was both physically and emotionally exhausted, feeling like I hadn't rested my body or heart for weeks. But my thoughts were on overdrive, not letting up for a moment. They assaulted me, forcing me to replay every little detail of the last 12 hours over and over again to come up with a definitive answer. But the question that was fluttering around in my head was unspeakable... Wasn't it?

All I knew was that I wanted to see Jacob, even now in the middle of the night. Especially now. He always made me feel so comfortable, and it would be no exception if he were here right now. I could see him if I wanted to... I knew he was out there in the treeline somewhere, close enough to my house to be in earshot if I opened the window-

He's on patrol, I reminded myself, refusing to take that thought any further.

Earlier, he had reminded me that Victoria was still out there. Something else that I didn't want to add to my growing list of things to worry about.

I replayed our earlier conversation in my head, giving in to the endless barrage of thoughts for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After a while of just holding each other in my living room, Jacob reluctantly pulled away, keeping me at arms length. He had composed himself expertly, and wore an expression that hid the pain that he had revealed just moments before.

I wanted so badly to ask him to stay with me tonight, but I held my tongue. I had been having a lot of new thoughts lately... Maybe it was best to be rational for once and think them through before I gave Jacob even more potentially false hope.

But what did these thoughts even mean? Had I made some kind of mental 180 after Jacob saved me from the water? Did I hit my head at some point before he pulled me out?

All I knew was that my heart was beating hard and fast, as if it were trying to break free from my chest just to be closer to him. And my eyes couldn't get enough of him.

I allowed myself a moment to take in this boy that stood in front of me. His rich brown skin, his shaggy black hair, his tall frame, his muscular chest... They all reminded me that he wasn't a boy anymore. He exuded pure, raw masculinity. Becoming a werewolf, taking on that immense responsibility for his family and his pack brothers, had matured him far beyond his true years, both mentally and physically. He was a man. And I didn't want him to leave.

Finally Jacob spoke, not seeming to notice that I was staring at him like a drooling idiot. Hopefully it wasn't too obvious. "I know you've had a really rough day." He met my eyes. "Bella, we still have a lot to do to make sure it doesn't get any worse."

I stayed quiet, but I knew he could see the confusion in my eyes.

"I didn't tell you right away... I didn't want to worry you with all the other shit that's happened today." He paused, and I waited eagerly for him to explain. "We were chasing Victoria. Earlier. We almost had her surrounded, and then, well... That's when I saw you."

I hung my head in defeat. Yet another consequence of my stupid stunt. Jacob didn't let me wallow in guilt for long. He bent down to look up into my face playfully, flashing his white teeth at me. "You were more important," he said matter-of-factly. I wrapped his words around me like a blanket, allowing him to wipe away some of my guilt.

"So... she was here?" I whispered fearfully.

He took my hand. "Yes. We lost her scent hours ago. We think she went into the ocean to throw us off. She hasn't come back since then."

My stomach turned. I couldn't even process what would have happened if she had found me in the water instead of Jacob. I shook my head, not letting myself go down that road.

Instead, I looked at my Jacob, knowing I could find comfort in his face. I loved that he told me the truth, even though he knew it might frighten me. Being scared of the truth was better than being scared of the unknown. I think he knew that.

"I need to go now." He squeezed my hand as he spoke, and then smirked. "I'm working the graveyard shift."

I hugged him tightly again, less urgently than before, but still unwilling to let him go. "Will you be close?" I whispered against his warm chest.

"Don't worry. Quil, Jared, and I will be circling this area tonight. We'll keep you safe."

I realized that he thought I was referring to my fear of Victoria... I was really only thinking about how much I wanted him by my side. Ever the irrational one. Apparently I was never afraid of what I should be afraid of.

"I'll be here if you need me," he promised, returning my embrace and kissing me on the top of my head. It was a small gesture that I was beginning to love, and I smiled as I felt butterflies awaken in my stomach.

He left swiftly after that, answering the calls of his brothers as I heard several howls close by.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

I had attempted to occupy myself with whatever I could find after Jacob left, knowing that when I laid down my mind would be on hyperdrive. I took a long, hot shower in an attempt to get the salt of the ocean out of my hair and to wash away the day's memories. I checked my emails, fixed Charlie a lunch for tomorrow, and even straightened up my room, which was already pretty clean to begin with. I was grasping at straws to busy my mind.

Whenever I ran out of mundane things to distract myself with, I reluctantly surrendered to my bed. And here I was, resisting the urge to open the window and call out Jacob's name, knowing that if I did he would be here with me in seconds.

I let out one long and frustrated groan, turning over onto my side and slamming the pillow down on my head. I was tired of swimming around in my own brain, going back and forth about these new feelings knocking at the doors of my mind, and still unsure of what they meant.

I was tired of fighting it. I attempted to slow my breathing, and I finally just let my mind go where it wanted to go. I went back to earlier today, and I thought about why I did what I did.

I had been tired and angry. Jumping off that cliff was a spiteful message for the vampire that had left me behind to die. You can't control me anymore. There was also anger at myself, for being lost to the ones that still loved me for so long. Their abandonment... it still hurt to be fair. But it wasn't hurting due to a longing to see them again, I found. I was more so wondering what I did to deserve the Cullens' betrayal. I searched my heart for any other feelings I might have hidden in the recesses of my mind, and I was elated to discover that there was nothing left. My eyes didn't tear up at the memories. In fact, those dull memories that still lingered didn't even feel real anymore. They were distant, as if they were a dream. Granted, it was a good dream, but one that had to end.

As I realized that this was the 2nd time today that the hole in my chest didn't rip open again at the thought of his name, Edward, I suddenly felt free. He had already taken enough from me. No more.

Abruptly, I heard a deliberate rapping at my window, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Heart pounding, I willed my eyes to make out who belonged to the silhouette that I could see beyond the glass. I knew who I wanted it to be, but Jacob's earlier reminder that Victoria was still out there had me on edge and fearing the worst.

"Bells, it's me," a familiar voice whispered, loud enough for me to pick out. My heart soared.

I threw off my tangled sheets, and stumbled over to the window to throw it open. "Jake!" I said breathlessly, careful not to speak too loudly. Part of my excited mind remembered that Charlie was asleep downstairs.

When I opened the window, I saw that Jacob was hanging onto the branch of a nearby tree with one arm, bracing his legs against the outside of my window sill. He was smiling brightly, and he was very shirtless. I tried not to stare as he gracefully swung into my room and landed on his bare feet without a sound.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard a cow or something," he whispered, a goofy grin on his face.

I just stood there blinking for a moment until I realized he must have heard my frustrated outburst from earlier. Curse his supernatural hearing. I shoved him in his chest, smiling in spite of myself. "Shut up. I was frustrated 'cause I couldn't get to sleep."

"Sorry," he said, still grinning and pulling me close for a hug. I held onto him eagerly, breathing in his earthy scent. I was very aware of his bare skin against my thin pajama shirt, and it made me nervous.

"Aren't you supposed to be on patrol?" I asked, shaking off the feeling. I pretended that I wasn't completely elated to see him, although I probably wasn't fooling anyone.

"Sam took over for me. Apparently I wasn't alert enough," he answered, releasing me from the hug, but not letting go of my hand. He led me over to the bed, and sat down heavily. I stood in front of him and really looked at him. He seemed impossibly more tired than he was before.

"Jake, when's the last time you slept?" I asked worriedly.

He sighed and deliberated for a moment. "Three or four days ago? I don't know. There's been a lot going on," he explained bashfully.

"Jacob! You'll make yourself sick if you keep going like this," I chided.

"I'm more resilient than you think, Bells," he said, giving me a smile that caused those butterflies to start fluttering again.

Somehow I still managed to shoot him a stern look.

"I know, I know," he sighed, rubbing his face with the hand that wasn't interlocked with mine. I hadn't noticed until then that he was still holding my hand. It felt so natural. I smiled dreamily at the thought.

"What is it?" I looked up to see him inspecting my expression curiously.

"Nothing," I mumbled, wiping that stupid smile off my face as best as I could. "You should lie down, Jake." I pushed against his shoulder, insisting. He didn't bother to fight it. I'm pretty sure the wind would have blown him over at this point. He laid down, adjusting his head on one of my pillows gratefully.

"Wow, Bella. So eager to get me into bed," he joked.

"Shut up," I smiled, climbing into a sitting position next to him on the bed. I didn't let go of his hand as he closed his eyes.

I was only human, and there was a shirtless werewolf in my bed... so I couldn't help but let my eyes wander. The soft moonlight washed through my window and illuminated the hard lines of his muscles. His chest and abs were amazingly defined, and I found myself wondering if he actually had time to work out, or if it was just part of being a werewolf. Either way, he was doing something right.

The butterflies were fluttering at full force as I took in the sight of his perfect, half naked body. I couldn't deny how attractive he was... ever since he became a werewolf, I had noticed how handsome he had become. But something had changed. I was beginning to see that I was genuinely attracted to him. These were my thoughts as my eyes continued to drift downward to where his shorts hung low on his hips, teasing my imagination.

I heard a soft noise, and my eyes snapped up to his face immediately. I watched as the corner of his mouth twitched, as if he was trying not to smile. Was that a chuckle?

I noticed how fast my heart had been beating against my chest, and I was instantly mortified as I realized he could probably hear my steadily increasing heart rate. He might as well have been reading my mind.

"So why couldn't you sleep?" he asked quietly. I was grateful he wasn't inquiring about my very obvious physical reaction. Thankfully he kept his eyes closed, so he couldn't see me blushing too.

I cleared my throat, willing my voice to work normally. "I just had a lot on my mind."

He opened one eye slightly, prompting me to keep going. I could see he wasn't going to let me off the hook that easily.

Who was I kidding? He was being incredibly patient with me; he always was. After all that I had put him through, he deserved an explanation.

I stared at our joined hands, thinking of what I could say to make him understand. I didn't want to lie to him, or myself, anymore.

"I was angry at him," I said, not meeting Jacob's eyes. "For making me love him, and then just abandoning me." I paused, stitching my eye brows together. "I think this was some kind of messed up, spiteful way of getting back at him for making me so dependent on him. It wasn't love. I was pathetic."

I dared to look at Jacob, and I was met with expressive and hopeful eyes, brows raised. He was quite awake now. No doubt he noticed that I was using past tense. He didn't dare say anything, maybe for fear I would halt my explanation. But I had no intention to stop. I was finally ready to be honest with myself.

"I'm not going to give him power over me anymore. I'm done missing him, Jake," I said with determination. "I want to be myself again. I'm ready to be someone that I'm proud of."

He was grinning from ear to ear by the time I was done talking. He reached out to me with his free hand, beckoning me to him. "Come here, Bells."

I did as he asked eagerly, laying my head on his shoulder and snuggling into his warmth. Jacob was everything I ever needed. Why couldn't I see it before? He was the missing piece to my broken heart. With him, I felt whole again. I had wasted too much time not loving him the way he deserved, and I couldn't wait to show him that things were going to be different from now on.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through, Jacob. I was too blind to see how selfish I was being," I said. He reached up to gently brush my hair away from my face. My heart swelled with happiness. I felt safe and loved in his arms.

"It's okay, Bella," he said. "The leech hurt you, I know. I'm here to pick up the pieces... I'll always be here, Bells..." His voice trailed off, each breath gradually becoming deeper and steadier.

I turned my head to bury my face in his neck. Laying next to Jacob just felt so damn right. I didn't need to worry about distant, painful memories anymore. I didn't need to think... it was as easy as breathing. I placed a small kiss on the side of his neck, wishing it could stay like this forever.

I felt myself drifting off to sleep with him, without a hint of the restlessness that lingered before. I was content by his side, my own personal sun, and the last thought that drifted through my mind was... I love you.

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