:) I hope you enjoy this chapter even though it's such a fucked up story!

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What Heroes Would Choose

Chapter 5

Bakugo found himself in front of the Todoroki household, kicking his toes into the ground nervously. He hadn't actually knocked yet and wasn't certain that he would. The only reason he was there in the first place was to get away from his parents; They meant well, but they'd never fussed over him before and the fact that they were now made him feel even worse. The door clicked before he'd made up his mind, however, the boy he'd come to see staring at him.

"You look like shit…" he grumbled, blanking on anything better to say. Todoroki did indeed look downright miserable standing there in sweatpants with bags under his eyes and scabs on his knuckles. "How'd you know I was here?"

The dual user silently pointed up to a security camera aimed at the entrance to his home before stepping aside for Katsuki to come in. "You've looked better as well…"

Bakugo snorted in agreement; he couldn't sleep, barely ate, and spent every waking moment despising his very being. He watched Shoto's back as he led him to his room, noticing the way his previously pride-straightened shoulders slouched defeatedly. "Figures you'd be a neat freak…"

"I was told that you are quite fastidious yourself, Bakugo," Todoroki responded, eyeing him as he sat down.

"Tsk… I bet I can guess who said that…"

Shoto nodded in response, fidgeting with the strings of his pants. There was a very big elephant in the room and despite their naturally direct dispositions, neither actually wanted to discuss it. Bakugo was the one who took the lead, however, since he was the one that had decided to seek out the other's company.

"They still haven't told Deku about… about us. Auntie Inko knows and told my mom that he lost his temper with All Might before they could explain everything." He stated, feeling sick at the thought of gentle Izuku actually getting angry at his idol.

Shoto nodded, "Father already told me; he and All Might have begun mending the rift between them and he sought out his counsel. They are going to wait for Izuku to stabilize before adding another layer of trauma."

Silence once again stretched between them, both looking at anything other than each other until Todoroki hesitantly spoke. "Have you… What are you going to do? About going back to UA with him, I mean."

"I don't have any fucking idea," Katsuki replied while folding forward to hide his face in his hands. "It feels wrong to even be near him, like… like…"

"Like we're going to make the situation worse. Like his suffering is entirely our fault. Like we don't deserve to be around someone so good or in a hero course after what we did…." Shoto finished for him, completely on the same page since he felt the same way.

Bakugo tried to blink back the burning sensation in his eyes and nodded, a small semblance of comfort sparking in his chest that he wasn't alone in his desolate shame. "What about you?" The downcast expression on Todoroki's face was answer enough; he was just as lost. "Well, fuck…" he laughed humorlessly, "I was hoping you'd have your shit together, Icy-Hot…"

Shoto scoffed with equal sarcasm and rubbed the bridge of his nose as another cluster migraine threatened to form. He had been heavily considering going to Bakugo's home to pester him about this very dilemma. "Want to spar?"

Katsuki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion momentarily before focusing in on the scabbed blisters on his classmates' knuckles, realizing that Todoroki hadn't done anything during their captivity that would have caused them. "You aren't going to pussy out this time and hold back are you?" he challenged, rising to his feet.

"No; I expect you to give me your best as well. Come at me with intent to maim or kill and I promise to do the same with you."

Shinso had to take several deep breaths before working up the nerve to knock on what he hoped was the Midoriya residences door. It had been three days since Izuku was discharged from the hospital and he'd overheard some rather unfortunate tidbits from the boy's friends. Apparently, Midoriya had politely refused company every time someone texted or called for him to hang out.

Shinso didn't arrogantly believe that his presence was somehow better than theirs, but he knew that isolation was slow, suffocating torture in itself. While he hadn't been told any details about what Izuku had gone through, he was fairly certain that sitting alone at home would do nothing to help him heal even if that appeared to be what he wanted to do.

'Knock, Knock'

He kept his face schooled when the woman he assumed to be Izuku's mother opened the door. She looked absolutely wrecked—drained of hope and happiness. "Uh, my name is Hitoshi Shinso, mam. I go to school with Izuku…"

"Oh, yes… of course…" she responded after a moment, recognition forming in her eyes. "You're the boy that fought my baby during your first sports festival right? The one with the brainwashing quirk?"

He nodded, his face heating up as he remembered decking her child in the face. "Y-yes, mam… I was wondering if I could visit him… maybe take him somewhere to hang out?"

Inko bit her lower lip, glancing over her shoulder with uncertainty. Izuku had been so distant and reclusive since he'd been rescued, refusing to go out or even leave his room unless it was absolutely necessary.

"I just want to help, Mrs. Midoriya," Shinso added gently. "I want him to know that I'm here for him in whatever way he needs."

More tears pooled in her already bloodshot eyes, but Inko stepped aside with a grateful whimper, leading Hitoshi to her son's room. He watched carefully as she knocked and opened the door, noticing that despite an attempt to smile, her expression was filled with desperation and anxiety.

"You've got a visitor 'Zuku… It's Shinso, the one you said had the perfect quirk to be a hero."

Hitoshi's face tinted pink and he rubbed the back of his neck. No one ever said that about him and his 'villain quirk', but if someone would it would be Izuku; he was just that kind of a person. He cleared his throat when the teen seemed to curl his bent knees more tightly into his chest, eyes downcast and saddened even as he forced a fake smile on his lips.

"H-Hey…"

"I've got a place I'd like to take you…" Shinso explained, sensing the rather obvious refusal even before it came. Midoriya's face paled, gaze finally rising to give his mother a pleading look. Shinso wasn't having it though; he bent over, picked up a pair of shoes by the door and carried them over slowly, holding them out with an understanding, but unwavering expression on his face. "It's not far and if you don't like it then we'll come right back."

"Please my little 'Zuku… I've been so worried about you cooped up in this room…" his mother urged, almost leaning against the doorframe to support herself.

Midoriya gulped, but nodded mechanically and took his shoes. The sunlight almost blinded him when he followed Shinso out, mocking him like everything seemed to. He kept waiting for Shinso to probe for information on what had happened to him, hands tightly folded in his lap with dread-laced anticipation. But the boy was silent as he drove, keeping his eyes on the road even when Izuku jerked from someone laughing on the sidewalk.

The city started falling into the review mirror eventually, and they ended up on an old dirt road that was seemingly deserted—isolated from the bustling loudness of people. Midoriya couldn't help but look at Shinso in confusion when he parked at the edge of a wooded area, making eye contact with him for the first time.

Hitoshi's gaze was relaxed, almost sleepy like everything else about him. "I live a few miles in that direction," he explained, pointing down the road. "Come on, there's a spot I like to sit in."

Midoriya warily undid his seatbelt and maneuvered out of the car, his body still struggling to do even the most simple of tasks. The path he followed Shinso down wasn't too uneven or strenuous though and he soon found the sound of gently rushing water and quiet wildlife pleasant—soothing even.

They finally sat near a trickling waterfall, the scent of flowers and grass filling their noses instead of the smog of the city. Izuku was tempted to close his eyes and just enjoy the moment but couldn't, it reminded him too much of how he'd been temporarily blinded just before his torment had started. "I don't understand…" he stated instead, failing to vocalize the many questions he had.

"I'm not sure what you're asking, but if it's about why I brought you here, it's because I thought it was a good idea," Shinso answered, his voice soft and genuine.

"But… Why?"

"I've not been given any details of what those villains did to you, Bakugo, and Todoroki, but I can only assume it was bad and you have a tendency to get stuck in your own head."

Midoriya bit his lip, anxiety knotting the muscles in his shoulders and neck. "You want me to talk about what happened?"

Hitoshi shook his head and played with a twig he'd picked up, his eyes finally flickering over to look at Midoriya. "You've been ignoring everyone's attempts to reach out to you, even Iida and Ochaco. If you won't tell them, I see no reason why you'd tell me."

"Yeah, but still… Everyone wants to know what happened and why I've been put on leave from school for now. Are you really not interested?" Midoriya pushed, suspicious of the teen's motives.

"Interested is not the right word… I'm invested in your wellbeing just like everyone else, but I also know how detrimental words can be if you aren't ready to say them. If you want to tell me, I'm a good listener. If not, you're always welcome here to work things out for yourself… I'll come and bring you here whenever you want and won't ask any questions." Shinso replied.

Izuku felt tears burning his eyes and he hugged his knees to his chest for comfort. That was the most understanding anyone had been of his situation since he'd woken up. "I… I'm n-not r-ready…" he sobbed, voice filled with shame.

"And that's alright, Midoriya," Shinso assured, scooting closer.

The depth of Izuku's psychological trauma went far deeper than even he was aware, but as he dropped his head to cry his heart out once more he felt better. Hitoshi wasn't touching him nor did he say anything else and yet for the first time in weeks, someone wasn't treating him like he was diseased or broken.

~1 Week~

"That hematoma is getting worse…" Todoroki drawled.

Bakugo hummed as he turned to the dual user, following his gaze down to his wrist. He hadn't even noticed he was squeezing it again and let go, grimacing slightly at the blackish-blue compression bruise he'd caused. "And?" he scoffed after a time, shaking the appendage now that he was aware of its continuous throbbing.

Shoto shrugged with understanding and dropped the subject; they were both littered with injuries anyway. The only area they tended to avoid when they sparred was each other's faces, however, knowing that they needed to look semi-presentable when they spoke with the psychologists assigned to them. "Father got a call yesterday… Apparently, I've been deemed fit to return to classes."

"Heh, you too huh?" Katsuki sniggered. "You'd think these Ph.D. toting assholes would know we're totally fucked."

"It's not as if we were honest with them, Bakugo."

The blonde licked the front of his teeth and glared at the floor, re-grabbing his wrist to ground himself again. "Speak for yourself, peppermint; you don't know shit about me or what I told them."

Todoroki put the cap back on the ointment he'd been smearing over the many burns and cuts he'd received from Katsuki's explosions and stood, making his way over to his desk. The closer he got the darker Katsuki's face became, but he simply ignored it. "What's the point in lying to me about something like this? I hurt Izuku too, Bakugo. I beat him, cut him, and fucked him just like you did. Do you really believe that I don't have any idea what it feels like to talk to someone about that?"

"...No…" Bakugo breathed in defeat, running a hand through his hair as he blew out an anxious breath. "So, what did you tell them then? That you're cool with being around Deku?"

Shoto pushed himself up on his desk and leaned against the wall, staring off into space for a moment before answering. "Yes."

"But that's bullshit, right?"

"In a sense…" he responded quietly. "I want to be near him all the time… I miss his laugh and the way he always managed to make me feel included. But, you know…"

"Yeah," Katsuki agreed. "I get it."

Shoto finally turned to Bakugo, guilt-ridden. He could see the brokenness in the blondes once fierce crimson eyes… could see his own fractured reflection staring back at him. Even a month ago he would have never imagined that anything could have affected either of them so thoroughly…. Nor that the one person he thought he'd never be able to stand being around was now the only one he could tolerate.

But despite all of Katsuki's flaws, he'd been the one that had ultimately gotten them through the ordeal with Shigaraki. When he'd been indecisive Katsuki had made the decisions for them. When they were ordered to scald Izuku, Katsuki had been the one to do it simply so that he wouldn't have to. When he'd damn near lost his mind, it was Katsuki who stabilized and directed his focus.

Shoto had leaned on Bakugo for support and unintentionally pushed him into a position where he felt responsible for the welfare of all three of them rather than just himself and Midoriya. It crushed him to see the results of that dependence and he lost the fragile hold he had on his composure. "I'm sorry…" he whispered, voice trembling.

"Eh? What the hell are you apologizing to me for, Icy-Hot? Wait, shit, why are you crying? The fuck—Hey Shoto, snap out of it!" Bakugo spewed in exasperation, quickly standing and gripping Todoroki's shoulders to give him a shake.

The wall Todoroki had spent years building had been ruined during his captivity, leaving him exposed and almost hypersensitive to every negative emotion he experienced. "I'm sorry I'm so weak…" he whimpered, fisting Katsuki's shirt tightly as he faceplanted into his collarbone. "I'm sorry I keep relying on you to tell me what we should do… I'm trying but I just—I can't."

Bakugo awkwardly wrapped his arms around Todoroki, petting the back of his head while he shook and tried to explain what had set off this out-of-nowhere fit. "Fucking hell, Shoto… It's alright, okay? I don't give a damn about that shit."

"Then please… please tell me what to do about Izuku!" Todoroki begged, finally giving in to the desperate conflict that was always just a sliver away from breaking him entirely. "He keeps texting me and I don't know what to say—I don't know what to do!"

Katsuki honestly didn't know what they should do either. He was just as lost as Shoto was in this mess they'd been forced into. The one thing he did know was that neither of them was emotionally strong enough to actively see the damage they'd caused to their once unbreakable friend… and they certainly didn't want to make it worse for Izuku by saying or doing the wrong thing.

"We—We just keep doing what we're doing." He finally decided, hoping to the heavens he was making the right decision. "They're going to tell him what we did eventually and he'd probably feel even worse knowing we acted like we didn't fucking torture and rape him when that's exactly what we did. We just have to wait it out and keep our distance until he decides if he can even be in the same fucking room with us again, okay? Then… Then if he doesn't hate us, we'll do everything we can to make up for what we did…"

Shoto nodded and tried to calm his breathing, though it was even more difficult with Bakugo's chest shaking from his own overstimulated emotions. "I'm so sorry…"

~Time-Skip: 2 Weeks~

Midoriya cried into his pillow, drained and depressed from yet another grueling session with Recovery Girl. The old woman meant well and if he still wanted to be a hero, he knew he had to clear her psyche evaluation, but it still tore him down.

He hated talking about what had happened when he'd been kidnapped. It was hard enough to deal with in his own mind and even worse when he had to explain and almost justify everything in regards to how it made him feel.

Midoriya [Friday; 5:37 PM]: Come get me, please?

Shinso [Friday; 5:38 PM]: I'll be there in fifteen.

Izuku dropped his head back down and cried harder. When he and Shinso had separated two weeks prior, he'd sworn to himself that he wouldn't bother the newest Class 1-B student. But whenever he had a nightmare or couldn't get the thoughts to stop, he found himself thinking about how peaceful it had been by the waterfall.

Shinso [Friday; 5:59 PM]: I'm out front.

Midoriya slipped past his mother and dropped a note on the counter. He knew she'd understand why he didn't bother to verbally tell her he was going out. She seemed to be aware of how his visits with Shinso helped him deal with everything.

He slunk into the car, keeping his hood up to hide his red, tear-streaked face from anyone walking down the street. Most people still recognized him from not one, but two Sports Festivals, the second he won first place in.

Even if he was just a shell of the person he'd been just a few weeks prior, he couldn't stand the idea of anyone knowing the supposed 'next Symbol of Peace' was broken.

As usual, Shinso didn't say a word as they drove to the woods, only asking if Midoriya wanted him to come or go run errands until he was ready to leave. After the first time, Izuku had always responded that he'd prefer to be alone, but not this time.

"You can come… If that's okay… I mean I'm probably just going to sit and cry so I understand if that makes you uncomfortable. I don't want to—"

"It's alright, Midoriya; I'm happy to keep you company. Just tell me what you want me to do once we get there and I'll do it."

Izuku nodded with a sad smile and followed Shinso in, relaxing some at the familiar environment. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Hitoshi's jaw tightened slightly and he gazed at the sunset bleeding through the trees. "You were the first person to treat me like I wasn't a villain… like my quirk was something to be admired rather than feared. I… I know it's not the same and there's probably a lot of people you're closer to than me but, I'd like to repay the favor in whatever way I can. Besides… I've always found your company to be enjoyable, even if you do mumble your thoughts like a deranged fanboy."

Izuku smiled for the first time since he'd seen Shoto and Kacchan sitting together in the hospital. It was small and strained, but it was genuine. Shinso never lied, even if it wasn't what people wanted to hear. But he also wasn't needlessly abrasive like Bakugo, or tactless like Todoroki.

Izuku would give almost anything to have them there saying the wrong thing. But if they were unwilling to even do that much, then Shinso was a welcomed comfort.

"You do have a pretty cool quirk… You'll be a great hero for sure…" Midoriya stated.

"Not as great as you though. I was jealous of that flashy power you have but once I cooled off from losing to you our first year, I realized that isn't the reason you'll be the best. You're genuinely kind and have an instinctual need to help people…" Shinso answered. He saw the small light in Izuku's eyes start to dwindle though, his head dropping lower than it usually hung.

"I stand by what I said. You don't have to tell me anything, and I'll be quiet now if that's what you want. But I hope you know that whatever happened when you were a captive and whatever is going through that overthinking prone head of yours, you are every bit the hero everyone says you are."

Midoriya hiccupped and started to cry again, nodding his head even though his heart didn't believe those kind words. Before he could even process what he was doing, he started speaking. "Kacchan and Shoto won't t-talk to me anymore! And I… I c-can't— Is it b-because I'm disgusting? Worthless? D-do they really h-hate me after w-what happened?"

Shinso felt his chest tighten some. Everyone at school had noticed that in the two weeks since Bakugo and Todoroki had returned to class, they'd been almost inseparable and even though it seemed like mixing oil and water, it was understandable.

Most of the students also believed that the two were in contact with Midoriya, helping each other through the aftermath. But he didn't feel that way. From what he'd gathered, Todoroki and Bakugo had minor injuries compared to the mossy haired teen and always had a guilt-ridden expression on their faces whenever they thought no one was looking.

"I don't know why they are avoiding you, but I am certain that it's not because of something you did. No one in their right mind would think you were disgusting or worthless, especially those two." Shinso responded firmly.

"B-but I am! I… I…"

Izuku yanked on his hair and choked on his spit, trying to force air into his lungs as a panic attack rose in his chest. He could feel the knife dragging over his stomach and back all over again, this time knowing what had been etched into his skin.

Shinso quickly moved in front of him, kneeling so that they were eye level, but he didn't move to touch Midoriya. He could see bright red scars peeking out of the top of his hoodie sleeves and knew making him feel restrained in any way would be a mistake.

"Izuku. You're at the waterfall." He stated quietly but also with finality. "Izuku, you are not in any danger. Look at me, Izuku. Come back to what's happening right now, not the past. Breath with me so that you can calm down. That's right. You're doing a great job, Izuku."

Midoriya kept his eyes focused on Shinso's chest, doing his best to mimic the slow, deep movements. He listened intently to what the teen was saying, grounding himself in the calm voice that was pulling him out of his waking nightmare.

"T-thank…" he stuttered, unable to even show his gratitude properly since his throat was still tight with residual fear.

Shinso nodded and carefully reached out to take hold of Midoriya's hands, tugging gently until they unlatched from his curls. He let go soon after, moving to sit down beside him. His purple orbs flicked up to the sky next, reflecting the stars.

"I'm sorry if I caused that…" he started, side glancing to watch how Izuku reacted. The last thing he wanted to do was set off another wave of unwanted memories.

Midoriya shook his head and scooted closer to the brainwasher. Leaning in some so that he could feel the warmth of another person. He couldn't bring himself to ask anymore though, not after being rejected so many times by Todoroki and Bakugo.

"May I hold you, Midoriya?" Shinso asked, noticing how conflicted his friend looked.

Izuku nodded almost unnoticeably, keeping his head low. But Hitoshi saw it anyway and wrapped an arm around his trembling shoulders. He didn't know why the two prospective heroes had seemingly decided to cut off their communication with Midoriya, but he hoped they'd come to their senses soon.

Bakugo and Todoroki panted in exhaustion, struggling to stay on their feet. They'd been sparing with their quirks for hours now, leaving them covered in burns and bruises, sore muscles and blood. But they had an understanding that it wasn't enough.

Of course, they could never know the pain and fear that Midoriya had experienced—that they'd caused him to experience—unless they were recaptured and forced to feel the same thing. But they were dead set on making themselves hurt daily to try and make up for everything.

"Fucking come on, icy-hot. Get your act together and keep going." Bakugo growled, attempting another explosion only to feel his arm bones almost crack from the overuse, his quirk fizzling out. He dropped to his knees and hissed.

Todoroki fell forward soon after, gasping into the grass to try and catch his breath. He was pretty sure Bakugo had broken at least one of his ribs a few attacks prior. His heterochromatic eyes focused on where Katsuki was still barely keeping himself upright.

"Have you heard from him recently?" Shoto asked.

"No. He stopped trying to contact me almost a week ago." Katsuki responded, doing his best to keep the sadness out of his voice. "What about you?"

"Nothing… Are you sure this is the right thing to do? I… miss him so much." Todoroki continued, pushing himself up to his knees and mirroring Bakugo. "What if… what if we just—"

"No, I'm not fucking sure, you dumbass. I'm not sure of anything anymore! We destroyed him, remember? He trusted us and we tortured and raped him! It doesn't matter that we didn't have a choice. And apparently, the assholes that made such a big fucking deal about it still haven't told Deku it was us. What kind of bastards would we be if we acted all chummy with him because it would make us feel better… because we miss him? We'd be using Izuku all over again and once he found out? Fuck."

Todoroki bit the inside of his lip harshly but nodded in agreement. He was so filled with shame, guilt, and hatred for himself that it was all he could do to get up in the morning. Every day was hell having to wake up knowing that he'd broken his best friend, the boy he loved. And it just got worse knowing that he'd never get to hear that brilliant sunshine laugh again without wanting to burst his eardrums because he didn't deserve to hear it.

He knew Katsuki felt the same.

"Get up, Bakugo." He ordered, rising to his unsteady feet. "We didn't let Deku rest when we beat him, so we don't get to either."

"Fucking world is upside down when we're agreeing icy-hot…"

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Thank you for reading even with my terrible updating! Leave a review if you want!