Sorry, it's been like almost a year since I updated. I do have another 7 chapters ready to go though, so there shouldn't be a delay in posting for a good while! Thank you to everyone who returned to the story despite the hiatus.
Warning: Mentions and depictions of prior violence, somewhat in graphic detail... More Izuku just explaining things. If you think it's super graphic, however, please let me know and I'll change the A/N warning!
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What Heroes Would Choose
Chapter 7
Hitoshi walked to school the following day far more slowly than his usual snail's pace, deep in thought. Midoriya had spilled his heart out the evening before, finally letting out the secret he'd kept from everyone since he'd been released from the villain's hideout.
~Flashback~
"A-And then they took turns t-touching me…" Midoriya cried, the shame on his face so clear that he didn't need to clarify. "It hurt s-so much when it st-started but then it felt… I tried not to like it Hitoshi I s-s-swear!"
"That's not at all your fault, Izuku," Shinso assured, his own voice almost shaking from anger. "It's a purely physical reaction, you have nothing to be ashamed of."
"But I do!" he insisted, yanking on his hair. "I should be ashamed of myself because maybe I could have fought back harder if I'd really wanted to, but I didn't even try and you know why? Because it wasn't two random people who'd been hurting me. It was Kacchan and Shoto the whole time and when they started using my body, I chose to pretend that they cared for me the same way I do for them!"
Shinso actually did lose the increasingly fragile hold on his composure, brows furrowing as his jaw fell slack. Midoriya hid his face when he saw how he was being looked at and began rocking, believing his admittance had been the last straw to break the camel's back. He'd have no one now that Hitoshi knew how twisted and masochistic his need for affection was.
"N-no!" Shinso choked, backtracking as best he could. "It's not… I'm not—Izuku I would never judge your choices. I think that given the extent of your feelings for them, imagining you were with the people you loved and having them love you back is probably a solid coping mechanism when you're going through… that…"
"But you don't believe me? You think it's in my head?" Izuku sobbed. He knew in his heart he hadn't dreamt it up but he was questioning everything now… maybe he did have a temporary break from reality.
"No, Izuku," Shinso assured, reaching forward to put a hand on the boy's hunched shoulder. "If anyone would be able to figure out who was hurting them with their sense of smell and sight gone, it would be you. Don't forget you showed me those notebooks you write…"
Midoriya hesitantly raised his head from his knees, staring at Shinso's feet since he couldn't bring himself to actually look him in the eye. "When I was getting beaten, I could have sworn I knew the feeling of the blows even if there wasn't an explosion along with them and when I was held under the water, I couldn't help but think of Kacchan again because his hands would be resistant to the high temperature… But I told myself it could have just been coincidence or maybe it was just in my head…"
He sniffled roughly and pulled up his shirt, exposing his crudely carved skin. "But then right before one of them started cutting this into me, I was able to grab their forearm and I felt scars… They were the exact same size, shape, and place as the ones Shoto got when he and I broke the law and fought The Hero Killer, Stain. I was actually going to ask if it was him, but he started cutting and I passed out from pain before I could."
"Shit…" Shinso whispered, the sight of the gruesome scar much more impactful than just hearing that it had happened. Izuku had already gone over those details and he wondered if the scars on his back were equally as distressing.
"And when I woke up a-and they st-started—I panicked. I didn't care who it was that was c-climbing on t-top of me and I really just didn't want to believe that o-one of them c-could really…" Midoriya tried, once again feeling emotionally decimated from the recollection. "But it hurt so much and I needed to hold on to something s-so, I wrapped my arms around h-him. His left side was considerably hotter than the right, just like Sh-Shoto's quirk… and after he f-finished I h-had to… um…"
"Take your time, Izuku… It's okay, you're safe now." Shinso soothed. It was bad enough that he'd heard a detailed recounting of the beating, whipping, scalding, and cutting sessions Izuku had endured, but to know that he'd been sexually assaulted? To hear him even vaguely allude to the positions he'd been forced into and how it felt? He wanted to vomit right then and there.
"The n-next one made me u-use my m-mouth first and I wasn't sure it was Kacchan, b-but since I was almost certain that Shoto had t-taken my vir-virgin—I just did as I was t-told. H-he pulled me on top of him and was s-so rough I couldn't hold myself up." Midoriya admitted pitifully. "I know it sounds crazy because a l-lot of people have spikey hair, but it was his. Then w-when he was ready to c-cum I had to s-s-sw-wallow… I didn't get all of it though and he pushed it into my m-mouth with his finger. My nose was broken and it was dulled, but his skin was s-sweet and burned my t-tongue... Nitroglycerin is a part of Kacchan's quirk and he's been my personal hero for so long I know everything about it…"
Shinso swallowed some, forcing himself not to look away even though he desperately wanted to. It wasn't that he was repulsed by Midoriya or felt any negative thing attached to him directly… It was just so hard to look at his face when he could almost picture the tortured expression he must have had while confirming that the two people he loved with all his heart were hurting him in such an intimate way.
"I was so t-tired afterward b-because they both made me f-finish too that I passed out again… Shigaraki talked to me after I woke up though and I… I know he was just saying what he did to hurt me b-but then it started coming true and I c-can't—I just can't!
"Do they… What did Bakugo and Todoroki say when you confronted them about… um… everything?
Midoriya shook his head, shoulders jumping from how hard his sobs were at this point, his voice hoarse and fading in and out. "Th-they wouldn't give me a chance! They r-refused to look at me, or speak to me, or touch me… All Might and the detective tried to 'talk to me about who hurt me' because they think I don't know but I do. I do know and I have this whole time and it's so much worse because they were forced to do things to me and I got off from it! They felt me get off from being brutally raped and I hate myself, Hitoshi! I hate myself so much and I wish—I wish I'd just died!"
~End Flashback~
"This shit is so fucked…" Shinso muttered to himself, taking a page from Bakugo's book. Non-expletives simply weren't enough to describe how messy it was. He rubbed his face, trying to rid his eyes of their longing to close.
It had taken so incredibly long to calm Izuku after that—not that he was complaining. If he'd gone through half of that shit, he'd have already checked out completely. The little Mini-Might was entitled to as many breakdowns as he wanted to have and nobody better say a damn thing about it.
Towards the end of the night, Midoriya confirmed that he didn't blame either of them for what they'd done. He'd been the first to wake up in the hospital since his multiple quirks tended to heighten his metabolism, burning through pain and sleep medication much faster than a normal person. It hadn't taken him long after that to accept that if they'd truly done those things to him, they must have been forced to somehow.
It was also now obvious to Shinso that Bakugo and Todoroki were being torn apart by guilt over everything, especially since they probably didn't know that Midoriya had figured it out. But he wondered how they'd react to the realization; it was possible they'd feel that much more terrible because he, in true Izuku style, had forgiven them immediately.
Shinso pondered what the best option was at this point. That's what he and Midoriya were speaking about when he'd dropped him off. He was telling him that it would be okay and that they'd figure it out. Now he was wishing he hadn't made such a promise. For as torn up as the two prospective pro heroes rightfully were, they were causing Midoriya so much more trauma by avoiding him.
Izuku loved them, and whether or not they felt the same way towards him was irrelevant. They should be there for him because they were his friends and he was hurting. He sighed as he finally made it into class, stepping through the threshold of the door just as the final bell rang.
"I'll think about it later… I need to talk to Izuku more anyway. He has to be okay with anything we do and he already made me promise not to say anything to either of them…"
Bakugo and Todoroki sat at lunch together as they had since rejoining school. Even Kirishima had stayed away from them after a particularly nasty explosion had sent him flying across not one, but two tables. Katsuki hadn't meant it. In fact, he'd not even realized that he'd hit him until he was already crashing to the ground.
He'd cornered the redhead later with Shoto's help, the dual user icing Eijiro to the ground so that he could give his best Bakugo-style apology. 'I didn't fucking realize it was you shitty-hair. I felt someone grab my shoulder and just reacted. Don't do it again,' he'd said, and that had been enough.
Kirishima had just asked to be unfrozen and given Katsuki a hug, telling him that he understood and would be more careful about startling him, rambling about it being really manly that he'd fessed up to having been temporarily unhinged by his latest captivity.
"Should we say something to eyebags?" Bakugo asked, playing with his spicy curry. It had been on his mind all night, driving him insane as he tried to fall asleep. Shinso had clearly seen them watching Midoriya's door.
"Why?" Todoroki replied, looking equally as dissatisfied with the thought of eating. "It's not like we were doing anything wrong…"
"Because it looked like that asshole might be making a move on Deku and he doesn't know that we're the bastards that hurt him. I don't want that insomniac-prick to tell him that we were watching them have a stupid moment. Deku would start trying to talk to us again."
Shoto nodded and looked down, picking at one of the scabs he had gotten from their latest sparing session.
"Fuck. Maybe we should just go see how that little pest is doing? He hasn't come back to school and it's been weeks…" Bakugo wondered aloud. He ran his hands through his hair roughly, yanking on the spiky strands to try and pull the fear and worry out of his mind.
"You and I both agreed that he needed space after—Even if he doesn't know it's us, at the very least he could think we did nothing to stop it. I don't think I could just see him once and then go back to this."
Katsuki let out a hollow, sarcastic laugh. "What? Not happy with my wonderful fucking company, icy-hot?"
Todoroki gave him an annoyed look but didn't respond. Bakugo knew full well that they were all each other had aside from their happy memories of being with Midoriya before this terrible misfortune had befallen them.
"Tsk… fuck it. Let's just go over there after school today and say we're dropping off our notes. Auntie apparently doesn't blame us for what happened and she knows that Deku hasn't been told so she'll probably just play it off."
Hours later, Bakugo was trying to control his sweating so that he didn't let off a massive explosion while Shoto was using his right side to keep his left from catching fire. They'd spent the entirety of their afternoon classes pumping themselves up for this very moment only to find that they were still completely unprepared.
"Well. Knock…" Shoto insisted, giving Bakugo a small shoulder nudge.
"You fucking knock."
"You actually know his mother and have been here before!"
"Yeah? Well, you were his fucking best bud and she's probably heard good things about you!"
"I'll knock if neither of you is going to…" Shinso drawled, cutting into their conversation and startling the two.
All three ended up scowling at each other for a good few minutes before the brainwashing teen's phone went off.
Midoriya [Friday; 3:37 PM]: WHAT?! What do you mean Shoto and Kacchan are standing outside my apartment? There's no way! They've been ignoring me for weeks. WEEKS. I haven't even gotten a response to the creepy amount of needy texts I've sent or calls I've left.
Midoriya [Friday; 3:37 PM]: I can't do this! I'm not ready! You understand right? All I wanted the first couple of days was for them to comfort me but they didn't! They treated me like I was repulsive and now… I don't know! I don't know what to do and I can't deal right now!
Midoriya [Friday; 3:37 PM]: But if I make them go away then they might never come back! What do I do, Hitoshi? Please, help me! PLEASE.
Shinso [Friday; 3:38 PM]: Do you really want my opinion?
Midoriya [Friday; 3:38 PM]: YES!
Shinso [Friday; 3:39 PM]: Then let them come in and I'll stay too. If you can't handle it, then I'll use my quirk to make them leave and forget anything that went wrong, okay? Trust me.
Midoriya [Friday; 3:41 PM]: I trust you…
"Who the fuck are you texting, eyebags?" Bakugo growled, leaning forward with intent.
Shinso blinked, his expression a mixture of bored and blank. "I was texting Izuku to tell him that I had arrived since you refused to move out of the way enough for me to knock. I also told him you both were here and asked if he was okay with that; I know you've been avoiding him."
"Izuku talks to you about that?" Shoto asked, his usually solid deadpan expression breaking slightly. He couldn't decide if he was upset that his spot as Midoriya's confidant had been taken or oddly relieved over the same thing.
"He doesn't have anyone else he feels he can talk to, so I offered," Shinso stated matter of factly, moving to knock on the door. It had already been a few minutes and Izuku still hadn't opened up; he figured he was trying to pull himself back together and wash the fresh tears from his face.
"Tsk. Don't be so fucking dramatic! Deku is everyone's best friend; he's got loads of people to bitch to whenever he feels like it. Especially round face and glasses." Bakugo shot back, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Not everyone can hear what he went through and stomach it. Besides, do you really think someone like Izuku could bring himself to trouble his friends for something like this… especially when he knows they wouldn't be able to understand what he was feeling?" Shinso answered pointedly, his tired eyes boring holes into the two.
They knew he was calling them out because they should understand what he was going through, at least a little. Before either could muster up an excuse or retort, the door finally opened. Midoriya was hunched down like he used to be in middle school, his cheeks still stained with red from recent crying.
"Hey, Hitoshi… Shoto, Kacchan…" he mumbled lowly, keeping his eyes averted from all three of them.
"Izuku," Hitoshi responded, carefully moving to hug the distressed teen. "Just breath, we'll go to the forest later." He whispered soothingly.
Midoriya let out a breathy sigh and stepped aside, gesturing for them to head in with him following. "Mom's not home right now…"
"Auntie getting you more fucking pork for that damn Katsudon you like so much?" Bakugo grunted, determined not to show how awkward he felt. But he soon wished he'd never said anything; Midoriya wrung his hands nervously and bit his lip to stop another sob from escaping.
"This is another thing you shouldn't be ashamed of, Izuku. It's just temporary, right?" Shinso offered, giving the teen an encouraging smile.
"What's temporary?" Bakugo asked, going to open Izuku's bedroom door out of old habit.
"Kacchan wait—" Midoriya gasped, stepping forward to stop him. He cut himself off though when the door banged open and revealed a very large hole where his wall used to be. He lowered his head and curled into himself again, turning to Shinso for help.
"It's not that bad… You made it sound like you brought the whole building down in your texts…" Hitoshi stated, but he soon realized it only agitated Midoriya further.
"I'm dangerous! I… I could have k-killed s-someone! W-what if I—" Izuku shouted, his chest constricting with another overload of emotions. The only thing he could think about was if he'd accidentally hit his mother or dropped all that rock on some poor civilian who was walking by.
Shinso knew immediately that Todoroki and Bakugo were unnerved by the massive hole and Midoriya's panic attack. He would have preferred for them to step in, but he could see they weren't ready either. "Izuku, like last time. Watch me breathe… That's really good. It's okay, you're safe. Remember the waterfall…"
Midoriya choked a few times but eventually managed to come back to reality, his strained and shrill inhaled gasps becoming more gentle and calm. He kept his eyes on Hitoshi's chest, not daring to look at Bakugo and Todoroki yet; he knew if he saw their horrified expressions he'd lose it all over again.
"Your mom's bringing the quirk suppression medication home right now, Izuku…" Hitoshi continued, "Even if you have another nightmare you won't accidentally hurt her or anyone else. It's going to be okay…"
"Deku…" Bakugo murmured, watching as he let Shinso hold his messy head between his hands, talking him through his demons. He and Shoto didn't miss that this wasn't the first time Midoriya had started to slip back into the nightmare they'd put him through and Katsuki was the only one aware of just how big of a blow it must be for Midoriya to have to suppress his quirk after going so long without having one at all.
Izuku heard his whispered hero name and flickered his eyes over, showering the other two teens with the broken, devastated look that had consumed and replaced the once vibrant determination. He didn't even attempt a fake smile; there was no wobbly, 'I'm going to be a hero no matter what' look either.
Todoroki, the only one that hadn't spoken a single word yet, couldn't keep his typically bottled emotions in check, frost creeping up his right side as steam rose from his left. His whole body trembled almost as badly as Midoriya's had and he ran before his quirk became so out of control that he hurt anyone or further damaged the small, cozy apartment.
"Shoto? Shit!" Bakugo growled, moving to follow him. He stopped short though and turned back, catching Midoriya's eyes once more. "I… We're S-sorry…" he offered weakly. Without another word he also ran out, his harsh voice growing distant as he chased Todoroki down.
Shinso just stood still as Izuku crumpled into his chest and cried, begging to know what he'd done wrong.
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Thank you again for reading!
