Thank you for reading!

Warnings: Self Harm

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What Heroes Would Choose

Chapter 9

~Flashback~

"So, you're nightmares have improved then?" Recovery Girl reiterated.

Midoriya nodded in agreement and added a small smile to be more convincing. "They really have… I mean, I still have them occasionally and sometimes it's hard to sleep afterward, but usually, it's fleeting and I can talk myself through it."

The elderly woman hummed and looked her charge up and down, examining him for signs of severe distress. In truth, his appearance and temperament had improved greatly over the past two and a half weeks—so much so that she was concerned that it seemed almost too good to be true.

"And what about being near others?" she pushed, hinting at the bouts of hysteria he'd had while still in the hospital. "Do you still feel anxiety?"

Midoriya bit his lip and furrowed his brows, giving the appearance that he was concentrating. "Actually, I think that's probably been going best of all…" he eventually stated. "Shinso has been a big help and Shoto and Kacchan visited me too."

Recovery girl felt her heart stutter slightly at the mention of the other two that had been captives with Midoriya. She'd pointedly avoided speaking about them unless Midoriya himself brought them up, but she was truly surprised and interested to know how their meeting had gone.

"Oh?"

Midoriya internally calmed himself further, already prepared to lie through his teeth on the matter. "It was just like old times! Kacchan called me Deku and poked fun at how much I love eating Katsudon and Shoto added to the conversation in that silent, awkward, brooding way he always does… I can't wait to be back at UA with them!"

"So, the visit went well then?" Recovery Girl questioned with barely hidden shock. The two had very clearly glued themselves together during school hours and she knew from the Bakugo's that they often spent weekends together, but she was certain they were both still incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of being near Izuku.

"I guess at first it was a little awkward just because they came over right after I punched that hole through my wall, but I don't think they were all that surprised… I still don't have great control over my quirk yet, haha!"

Recovery Girl pursed her lips slightly and put a question mark over her note that they'd visited, but otherwise didn't show how uncertain she was. "Have you spoken with them about your time as a prisoner, Izuku? Did they mention anything to you about what they experienced?"

"Oh, umm, no…" Midoriya stumbled, rubbing the back of his head slightly.

"You know we still haven't truly discussed parts of what you endured in earnest. The people that hurt you… and how you were hurt. What are your thoughts on the matter?"

Midoriya could tell that she was fishing and trying to gauge how much he truly knew. After a few sessions with Recovery Girl, he determined that for whatever reason, she and UA were going to pretend like it hadn't been his two most treasured friends that had absolutely destroyed him. "I guess… Well, I mean that's what heroes have to face, right? There are people in the world like Shigaraki who do terrible things just because that's the kind of person that they are."

"That's very true," Recovery Girl agreed, eyeing him intently. "But it's not always that simple, Izuku. Sometimes people are forced to do things that are completely out of character…"

"Really?" Midoriya hissed internally, annoyed that she was taking such an approach. "Does she really think that if she eases into it, the truth will somehow hurt less than it would if I was directly told? Fine. I can deal in vague statements and misdirections too."

"You mean like the things they made me do?" he sighed, knowing that it was not at all what she was getting at. "I always thought that what we do under pressure is what makes us a hero or a villain and to some extent that's true. After what I went through though, I suppose I can't say that it's as black and white as I thought it was. No one should be held accountable for things that they did or didn't do while in captivity—they were just doing the best with what they had."

~End Flashback~

"Well, Recovery Girl?" All might questioned almost desperately, the rest of the room equally as tense as they waited for her evaluation.

"Izuku Midoriya is quite an astonishing young man…" Chiyo responded. "Even at his most vulnerable, he showed incredible strength and understanding regarding a situation he should never have experienced. However, I do have some reservations about him returning to school."

"Your notes imply that he's made incredible strides, Recovery Girl… With him doing so well, what are you worried about?" Midnight inquired.

The elder woman hummed and looked down at the file she held, wondering herself what was making her so uncertain. "Perhaps it's that he still shows no sign of knowing that it was Shoto and Katsuki that caused him such trauma… Even the most forgiving person would feel some level of animosity once they found out."

"This note here," Cementos started, pointing to their most recent session. "It says that he, Bakugo, and Todoroki spent time together as friends once more and that the reunion was successful. We had no hand in their gathering and yet they were able to move forward."

"But at what cost?" Aizawa sighed in frustration. "Our main concern regarding this matter at the beginning was Midoriya somehow finding out the truth in an uncontrolled environment… That possibility is still just as real now as it was then. Furthermore, how can any of them truly heal if they never deal with the choices and consequences of their actions, no matter how pure-hearted they were intended to be?"

"Hence my reservations," Recovery Girl agreed. "However, my final evaluation is that Izuku Midoriya is not only stable enough to return to UA but should do so as soon as possible. Regardless of if and when he is told, normalcy and a sense of community will be critical to how he reacts. He has to know that he isn't alone and that there's hope for a future despite what's happened."

Aizawa shook his head, vehemently disagreeing with her conclusion. "Midoriya is not ready to be put back in the same circumstances that made him a target to begin with and he won't be for some time. His hero career may have to be put on hold, but that is far better than what could happen if I'm right."

"You also argued that young Bakugo and young Todoroki shouldn't be readmitted as quickly as they were, yet the two have done well in their studies and have continued to receive marks of improvement from their own therapy sessions." All Might argued in exasperation. "I know young Midoriya, he will overcome this if we give him the chance. Besides, Aizawa, you can keep a much closer eye on him if he's here."

"So, we allow Izuku Midoriya to return to UA under probationary status," Nezu summarized, adding the probationary status to appease Aizawa before he argued further. "And in regards to the delicate dynamic between Todoroki, Bakugo, and Midoriya, we will let things unfold as they will—with close supervision of course."

The room nodded in agreement.

~Time-Skip: Following Monday~

Midoriya looked at his phone lazily, somewhat annoyed that it had pinged and woken him up before his alarm. He had another message from Shinso asking him to hang out after school, but he simply ignored it as he had been doing the past couple of weeks.

Deep down, he felt guilty for blowing off the one person that seemed to actually understand how damaged he felt without pushing his slow recovery down his throat. But the guilt he felt for relying on the teen to help him get through everything was greater, driving him into solitude once more.

Bakugo and Todoroki hadn't reached out to him since they'd shown up at his apartment, but to be fair, he hadn't texted them either. Izuku was simply too embarrassed about breaking down in front of them to even try communicating with them anymore.

Today was Monday, and he was set to go back to UA with a probationary status. He knew if he slipped up even once they'd send him back home to suffer through painfully slow days with his over-compensating mother. That sounded almost worse than pretending to be his old peppy self for seven hours a day.

He pushed himself out of bed and slunk off to the shower, being sure to take his 'box' with him. As he stripped off his clothing, he looked down his torso. Izuku no longer avoided staring at the residual damage he'd endured or grimaced at the harsh words carved into his skin.

It still bothered him, but a dark part of his mind was slowly convincing him that he really did deserve it—that the words 'failure' and 'worthless' reflected the truth. Forcing himself not to look away was a form of punishment he was giving himself for letting himself, Todoroki, and Bakugo get captured.

Midoriya pulled out the scalpel he'd bought and took it with him as he stepped into the water, his shoulders stinging slightly from how hot it was. He shuddered, remembering how awful it had felt when Bakugo had held his head down in the near-boiling bucket until he had almost drowned.

"He should have just let me die and saved everyone so much trouble…" he mumbled, sitting down on the shower stool Recovery Girl had given him. Even with her quirk, he'd struggled to stand long enough to bathe for the first week he'd been home.

Midoriya leaned back against the still cold wall and stretched out his leg, putting the sharp edge of his knife against it in one of the less injured areas. He watched intently as he slid the blade across himself, blood rushing from the wound only to be quickly washed away by water.

It stung incredibly, making his toes curl and eyes water, but he felt better. The slight light-headedness and pain gave him something to focus on other than what he'd have to face in just a few hours. No doubt his friends would rush him and demand answers for why he'd been ignoring them.

He sighed in relief, dropping the scalpel to the shower floor and moving to actually clean himself.

Just as Midoriya had expected, the moment he stepped back onto campus unleashed a whirlwind of pitying stares and hushed whispers. While he wanted to ignore it, he couldn't help but wonder what they would say if they knew everything that had happened to him. But he kept moving forward, he'd move back into the dorms at the end of the week… if nothing went terribly wrong before that.

"Deku!" Ochaco screamed, running over to him with Iida power walking behind robotically. She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around and hugging firmly.

Izuku could feel his skin crawling with discomfort. When he was first woken up in the hospital, he welcomed hugs from his mother and looked forward to getting them from his friends, but then Bakugo and Todoroki had refused to touch him.

Had they simply shown him that it was okay, it wouldn't have bothered him as much that he'd lost his virginity and even gotten off from it because he'd dreamed of being intimate with them for a while. But by recoiling from him whenever he got near, it made him feel like he'd been used and discarded… like he'd done something wrong.

Now, as Uraraka squeezed his torso, he couldn't help but wonder if she could tell that he, in his mind, had been ruined.

"Uh… you're hurting me…" he muttered instead, giving his tone a little extra 'oomph' to keep up appearances. "It's good to see you two…"

"Indeed! We've been worried about you since you've neglected to keep in contact." Iida commented, helping to pry Ochaco off of Midoriya.

"Yeah! What gives, Deku?" Uraraka chimed accusingly.

Izuku forced a guilty smile on his face, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "Sorry! I just had a lot going on that I needed to work on. I promise that it wasn't anything you did!"

The two seemed to accept his weak excuse, nodding in acknowledgment that he probably needed time to sort through stuff on his own. They walked together to class as they usually did, making conversation about what Izuku had been missing the last several weeks.

But Midoriya was barely listening, he was hyper-focused on everyone they walked past, both hoping and dreading coming in contact with the three boys that he'd been trying to push from his mind. He knew that he'd have to sit behind Bakugo in class, with Todoroki not far behind him, and he'd likely come in contact with Shinso during lunch, but he really didn't want to.

Part of him wondered if maybe he'd come back too soon. Almost as soon as he reached the large door for 1-A, he knew for certain that he had. His heart beat harder than it had since he'd had his last major meltdown, nearly panicking over having to see everyone at once.

But Iida and Ochaco didn't even notice as they ushered him inside, both calling attention to the entire class that their friend had arrived. His hands opened and closed at his sides nervously, desperate to scratch at the fresh wounds on his legs.

Midoriya knew he couldn't do it with so many people staring at him, crowding him until he felt cornered and even more overwhelmed. His mind spun quickly, trying to figure out what he could do to calm himself before he completely lost it.

"Hey! Fucking extra's back up and give the little fuck some air!" Bakugo shouted. Everyone turned towards the explosive teen to scold him, their attention being momentarily taken off of Midoriya.

Todoroki snuck up from behind and took hold of Midoriya's hand, pulling him gently with a soft, encouraging stare. Izuku shuddered in gratitude as he was led to his seat before anyone noticed he'd slipped by them.

"Bakugo is still in front of you and I moved to the seat behind you if that's alright…" Shoto whispered, keeping his eyes averted out of fear of being told that it wasn't. He didn't think he could handle watching Midoriya say no in front of so many people.

Izuku fisted his hands and pressed hard on his thighs, feeling some of the poorly done stitches tear under the force. He'd made sure to put extra gauze around them for this exact reason, so he let his worry melt away as he bit his lip.

After taking a shaky breath, he nodded, also looking away from Shoto. He hardly focused on anyone else either, the rest of the class easily kept at bay by Bakugo dropping down in his chair and scowling darkly at anyone that got too close.

Instead, confusion was easily taking the majority of his brainpower, wondering why those two had suddenly come to his rescue after all this time… after running from him the last time he needed their help.

Despite his gratitude for their intervention, he couldn't help but feel the sting of irritation too. If they weren't going to help when he was clearly at his most vulnerable, then he argued that they shouldn't do it now that he was pretending to be fine.

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Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think!