It may be one of those days but discomfort does not improve when Deidara is dozing off on the very small, very uncomfortable bed.
Half past midnight and there is the noise of running water, followed by thumping sounds that echoes irritably against paper thin walls.
Why does this feel like déjà vu? Why is he having so many déjà vu moments today?
Grudgingly, he sits up in pitch blackness. The only source of illumination, however, are from the cracks of a slightly ajar bathroom door.
"Tobi, what are you doing," he mutters.
Déjà vu or not, Tobi is sitting crossed-legged on the bathroom tiles and thumping the side of his head against the walls. In his lap, there is a bizarre looking black rectangular object that bounces rhythmically in two second intervals.
"Oi, Tobi!"
He swiftly turns.
The black object has now vanished.
"What's happening?" he says quickly.
"What are you doing?"
Tobi shifts uneasily.
"Nothing."
"Right," Deidara says and he wordlessly gestures at the wall.
"Oh sorry, sorry won't happen again," he replies.
He suddenly springs from the ground and stands uncomfortably close.
At this point, Deidara takes several steps back.
"You haven't answered my question," Deidara presses.
"Nothing's happening."
"Yeah right."
"No really."
"You really expect me to believe that?"
Tobi instantly turns for the door.
Oh no you don't you little shit.
"Oi Tobi!" He takes hold of his partner's arm, "What the fuck is the matter?"
Silence.
"I don't want to think about anything."
His tone is faint and dejected.
Then it happened faster than neither of them can register.
Deidara is sliding Tobi's mask to the side and tasting the familiarity that is so closely associated with kissing this mysterious person. The gratification is so immense, he finds himself pinned aggressively to him.
Exhilaration defines this uncontrollable intimacy. Deidara's body is no longer in sync with his mind.
It may be the domineering position but Tobi's response transpires from hesitation to immense zeal. Eventually, his kisses turn dangerously rough, avid and surfeit with so much fervor he releases one hand from Deidara's shoulder in an attempt to contain the impending violence.
And though it may be a relief, the brutal intimacy eventually takes a toll.
In response, Deidara calms the excitement with the transpiration of a tenderer kiss.
Reluctant as Tobi may appear to follow, Deidara's adamancy gives him the cue to pull apart.
"I have to go," Tobi mumbles.
Then, he is out the door.
x
One hour passes and she is still standing beneath the stream of waters. She stares absent-mindedly at the multi-coloured tiles that is the bathroom walls. Her fingers, initially soft and wrinkly, have now turned a horrific shade of red that grotesquely resembles a disheveled body part.
Mindlessly she steps out.
The positioning of the mirror, perfectly aligned with the shower door, gives a discordant reflection of the heavily inundated resentment that is her visage. Even as she stands there and watches her entirety, the physicality that is her nakedness and the emotions that are her disposition, she cannot recognise the person before her.
It has been a long time since she has seen her reflection. There is never a need to, no purpose to look at the stranger that is watching her so bitterly.
Tonight may have provoked a sentimental reflection. There is the unintended consequences of her impulsive risks, of giving in to her inner needs and of allowing the disgrace that is failure to transpire.
Ingrained into her is the unrealistic ideology of winning. She has always been brought up to please, to succeed, to look pass failures and to push on even when she has exhausted her limits.
There is no room for mistakes, no room for self-identity, only one focus - to worship loyally. Her dignity, embodied by her memories and her unknown past, forms a powerful connection to what she calls her existence.
To break this cascade of loyalty is to shatter her existence from this world.
So what of her then? Her master holds her existence and the attainment to what she believes will fill the void in her heart – her memories.
And yet she is failing.
Her heart pulls her further and further away from the realms of rationality and into a world where her deepest desires linger. Of everything it is the desperation of wanting to be acknowledged, to know that her existence means something, to hear his comforting words, to feel the warmth of his radiating proximity and the heat of his kisses against her skin.
Demurely she gazes at the hazy reflection. The intensity of her intrusive stare propels her into a false reality, a world of reverie where Tobi is standing before her.
The reinvigorating sensation of his emanating heat is so real, and tangible, every part of her body yearns to fill the aching desperation that ruthlessly plagues her heart.
Deeper and deeper her mind takes her. No longer is she controlled by a rational conscious.
The craving is now so strong she can feel his touch against her bare skin. The heated sensation of his exhilarating contact intensifies when his fingers run the length of her body, and traces the curves of her breast.
Then he inclines forward and presses his lips to hers. And it is the invigoration of his touch and the allure of the intimacy that keeps her in a bewildered daze.
"Rin…" he whispers.
Her eyes close at the sound of her name, the feel of his gentle caresses and the smell of his intoxicating scent.
But the piercing pain prevails and she hears her name loud and clear within the deepest recess of her mind.
Rin. Don't.
Instantly, her eyes open.
The discomforting feelings transpire, yet she cannot comprehend the stupidity of her heart's deepest desires.
In pure mortification, she steps from the mirror and disappears for the bedroom door.