Mare kicks me in her sleep. She doesn't mean to, obviously, but I blink awake when her heel connects with my shin sharply. I wince and shift a little trying to get comfortable on the small bed. It's a bit squishy with both of us sharing, but I would choose to be in this tiny cot with Mare than in a luxurious bed on my own any day of the week. I drape my arm over her waist and pull her closer to me, until her back is flush against my chest. She's shaking a little, and I drowsily think she must be cold, so I pull a spark from my bracelet and grow it into a soft ball of fire, tossing it into the small fireplace. I feel Mare flinch, and her shaking intensifies.

I sit up now, no longer half-asleep, and look at her carefully. Her cheeks are wet and she's curled in on herself. Her whole body shudders violently. Realizing she must be in the midst of a nightmare, I place my hand on her shoulder and shake it gently, trying to wake her. It takes a second, but then she blinks awake. As soon as her eyes open, she scrambles back, half-falling off the cot in her haste. She's breathing hard and her eyes are wide as she crouches in the far corner of the room. She's absolutely terrified of me. No, not me, Maven. She thinks I'm Maven. In the dark, we must look so similar. I feed the flames in the pit so they grow larger, illuminating the room more, but I see Mare flinch away from them as they expand.

"Mare, it's just me," I say, sitting up. I place my feet on the ground, but I stay seated on the bed, not moving any closer. "It's okay, it's just me."

"Cal?" she breathes, her voice shaking as much as her body.

I nod. "Yeah, it's me."

She stands and walks toward me on wobbling legs, stopping an arm's length away. I hold out my hand for her, there if she wants it. Mare scrutinizes me, her eyes roving across my face, examining every detail to make sure it's not a trick. And then she reaches out, placing an unsteady hand in mine.

"Cal," she sighs, relief flooding through her.

She practically drops into my lap, her arms wrapping around my neck as she buries her head against my shoulder. I fold my arms around her, hugging her as close as I can. She shudders as she sobs, tears dropping onto my skin with soft hisses of steam. I remind myself to breathe, lowering my temperature a little so I don't burn her. It kills me when she has nightmares, and this is the worst one she's had.

"You're safe now. I'm here," I whisper, rubbing her back gently. I repeat the words until her breathing levels out.

Mare pulls away enough to look at me, relaxing her body. One fist had wound tightly into my hair, and she lets go with a sheepish expression.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, looking down.

I know she feels ashamed of the nightmares, like they're a weakness. By my colors, I know how she feels. I felt the same way when we were at the Notch.

"It's okay," I tell her, meaning it completely. I run the back of my finger across her cheek and then tuck her hair behind her ear. It's important to me that she knows that I don't judge her for her nightmares, that I'm here for her.

"I thought you were…" She trails off, unable to say his name.

It's my turn to look down as a wave of guilt washes over me. Logically, I know that I haven't done anything wrong, but I still feel like it's my fault. I don't know how to stop it, how to prevent her from seeing Maven when she looks at me. Sometimes I think that I'm the one that triggers her nightmares. If I get too warm while I dream… in her sleep, our touch must feel the same.

"Cal?" She seems to sense my sadness, and she reaches out to push my hair back from my face.

"I just wish there was something I could do to stop it," I say, but then I try to cast the thoughts aside. Mare doesn't need to be trying to comfort me.

"You do this, that's enough," she replies quietly.

I smile a little, hugging her close again, and press a quick kiss at the base of her neck, near the brand he left on her. I hate that stupid brand, but saying as much doesn't help her. And sometimes I wonder if I hate it because he hurt her or because I'm jealous. I don't want any part of her to belong to him. I kiss her cheek before scooting backward on the bed until I can lean against the wall, still holding her close.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I offer.

As always, Mare shakes her head no. She's not one to talk about her feelings in the best of times, so it never surprises me that she won't talk about the nightmares. I wish she would, but I can't make her. I think part of her reluctance is that she doesn't want me to know everything that happened to her. Everything he did to her. I don't blame her. I'm not sure I want to know.

"You should talk to someone though," I tell her. "Gisa, or Kilorn." I see her wrinkle her nose at the suggestions, and I try not to laugh. "Or Farley. Just… let someone help you."

"You help me plenty," she replies, and I sigh in resignation. I might help in the aftermath, but I can't prevent them.

"Alright, fine, come here," I say, returning to our post-nightmare ritual. It's a little bit sad that they have become so common that we actually have a standard procedure afterward.

We both lie down on the cot, and I pull Mare in until she's cuddled next to me. I feel her nuzzle against my chest, getting comfortable, but I don't miss the tension in her muscles. I reach out and cover her hand with my own, stroking back and forth across her skin with my thumb.

"I was dreaming about what life might have been like before the Calamities happened, but it was bizarre, I don't know where the idea came from," I say, remembering what had been occurring in my dreams before Mare had woken me.

This is our routine now. When one of us has a nightmare, the other one shares the dream they were having. We try to make them happy where we can, to try and heal the hurt, but sometimes that means making something up. Usually, when I have to do that, I tell Mare that I dream about our future and being happy together. It's not a complete lie - I think about that often and there are so many things I hope we get to experience together. But tonight I have no need to make up an image to share with Mare. I don't know if I would describe my dream as happy, mostly it just felt bizarre, but it was very curious.

"There was this big crowd, all gathered together and wearing the strangest clothing - like little scraps of fabric and these thick, dark blue pants. I don't think I've ever seen that kind of material before," I elaborate, sharing every detail that I can remember. "It was nighttime, and we were outside, but I couldn't see the stars and barely even the moon. There was so much light coming from the front of the crowd, where a couple of people were standing on a platform and facing us. They were playing music, but… it was unlike any music I've heard before. It was so loud, and I could feel the vibrations of it in my chest. It was so strange."

"That sounds weird," she agrees.

"It was… fun, though. Everyone was enjoying it."

"Really?"

"Mhmm," I hum in response. I'm starting to feel sleepy again, and I can tell that Mare is close to drifting off as well.

"That would be nice," she says softly. "To have something fun."

"Maybe after this is all over," I answer, and I feel her smile.

I close my eyes, trying to conjure up the image of my dream again, hoping to sink back into it. Maybe this time, Mare will be there with me. It's foolish, but for some reason I always imagine that if Mare is with me in my pleasant dreams, then maybe she's sharing in them too.