It's time for the grand finale! The fic does its intro for itself, so just read and find out what happens… when the two idiot children finally collide with the devil faction (aka definitely not insane cultists).
It was time to end this, figuratively and literally.
"The demons (see what I did there) that had haunted me would be no more." I thought, as I hugged Sakura's back. She was currently pedaling a bike to a SCUBA store.
What, you may ask, was the reason that we were currently pedaling to a SCUBA store?
The fresh air.
I had read online that the air in SCUBA air tanks were very precicely proportioned, and absolutely no drugs would be getting in there.
The plan was to rent two air tanks, and then hire a taxi to help us back.
Why, you may ask, were we biking to the store in the first place?
After pooling our alliances together (and selling my manga collection), we didn't have enough cash for the round trip on a taxi after buying an axe, a hammer, a whetstone for the family katana, and two scuba masks with air tanks.
"This really is the day, isn't it." Sakura shouted over the rippling winds.
"No." I shouted back, trying to hold onto my glasses. "It's next week, when we have a three day weekend."
"Damn it!" Sakura shouted. "I have an outing with friends then! I thought we were just going to bust in tonight!"
"We need to first get the airborne drugs out of our system by visiting a remote hiking park first, then-"
"Wait, then how are we getting to the manor? Will we have to wear those gas tanks the whole way while we bike?"
"I just thought we would take a taxi-"
"We don't have the budget for that, you idiot."
I stared blankly ahead. This was off to a great start.
…
We crested the hill of the final obstacle that blocked us… the hill.
Who knew that the hardest part of the operation was actually getting there in the first place? I didn't.
I was hugging all of our equipment with one hand, while the other was latched onto Sakura's shirt. Sakura's air tank was also in the bag that I was hugging, and the rubber tube that extended from the container awkwardly slapped me in the face repetitively as her back rose and fall with each pedaling motion she made.
At last, the rise of the hill came to an end, and we slowly skidded off of the top of the hill like my math grades after the easier first unit.
"We're going to crash!" Sakura yelled.
I couldn't say anything. I was currently biting down on the air feeder of the scuba mask to help with my hyperventilation. Oh god we were actually doing something like this.
Sakura's very real screams and my very muffled screams ended as we tumbled onto the soft, slightly overgrown lawn that was in front of the Gremory manor. The materials and pizza slices that we brought along tumbled out of the bag, sullying the pristine lawn with bruises on the grass.
I groaned as I got up, carefully sheathing the katana once again. It had flown out of the scabbard and was embedded in a patch of dirt dangerously close to my leg.
Meanwhile, Sakura had gathered up most of our fallen materials, leaving one or two slices of pizza behind with disdainful mutters.
"Now what? How are we busting in?" Sakura said. Behind that dark SCUBA mask, I thought I could detect traces of excitement and childish expectations. "Window crashing? Cellar busting? Basement or vent crawling?"
"Front door busting." I said, getting the axe out of the bag she was carrying and handing it to her.
"What?" She said. "But that's too generi-I mean… obvious! They're going to post guards there or something."
I shook my head while sucking in a couple of breaths, before speaking again.
"Remember when I had you do the video analysis? These people don't think like us. They build off of each other's delusions like toddlers trying to build with legos."
"That's an oddly specific analogy." Sakura said, fiddling with the rubber cover on the axe blade.
"So they must have placed runic arrays or whatever on their windows, but they'll leave the front door unattended because they have runes or something in the driveway.
Sakura looked at the grand entrance and saw two stone pillars with pagan symbols etched onto it (which were hidden behind mere bushes, oddly enough), before realizing that they were just vague stick figures with more pagan symbols scattered around the grey stone.
"I mean, you're actually not wrong." Sakura said, pointing to the pillars.
"What are you pointing at?" I said, squinting. I adjusted my glasses beneath the SCUBA mask before peering at the bushes once again. "I just see a grey-ohhh… Is that the thing?"
"I think so." Sakura said.
We approached the piece of modern art, and Sakura brought up the hammer.
"Remember last time, when they were really hyped up about, well, holy and demonic stuff? If we said we broke this stuff, wouldn't they feel more vulnerable and potentially be less crazy?"
"Good. It's like taking Caster Gilles's spellbook away from him." I nodded. "Now, hammer away!"
Sakura looked at the hammer supposed to break nails, looked at the pillar as big as a person, and then sighed.
"Do I really have to do this? Isn't this going to take a while?" Sakura's slightly muffled voice said from underneath her mask.
I touched the device with my finger. Some flakes of chalk came off of it, and for a moment, I could swear that I saw the frame of my glasses glow with faint, red energy, before it winked out of existence.
"Do we have any water?"
"We brought some holy water." Sakura said, bringing up a plastic bottle filled with said substance.
I took the hammer from Sakura and used the kind of sharp end to poke several holes in the bottlecap, before squeezing the bottle and using the improvised water gun to soak down the chalk. The mixture of water and chalk sizzled uncomfortably, but I sprayed all four sides before moving to the other one. Sakura then used the cloth bag we brought to wipe off all of the chalk, rendering the childish scribbles to nothing but a white smear.
…
Inside the manor, Rias Gremory shivered in her shower. Their wards were somehow decreasing in power.
"Who would be bold enough to attack us at our base?" She thought, before shrugging. It was probably nothing.
…
"Their wards are weakening, Kobakiel-sama!"
"Hoh? They're weakening their wards? After taking the wielder of the twilight healing to their lair?" Kobakiel said, lounging on his throne.
"Yes, sir. We don't know why, but they're doing so anyways."
Kobakiel got off of the sofa, stepping on a potato chip bag in the process. The apartment that Azrael gave him wasn't exactly the most glamorous place to live. Still, the spear that he summoned onto his shoulder was anything but that. It radiated a holy light, and the exorcist knew it was only one of an infinite arsenal.
The devils were going to die today, and the stupid truce that Azrael kept afloat with his meddling would be no more.
The fallen angel grinned, before looking out the small window on the apartment. His maniac grin faltered slightly, before he descended down the stairs and to the ground floor of the apartment block so that he could take off from the streets.
…
"Are you ready, Sakura?" I said. Sakura sighed and held up the axe.
"I'm ready… Why do I have to do all of this heavy lifting stuff?"
"You're not lifting things. You're chopping down the doorknob with an axe."
"Well, why aren't you the one using the axe? Why didn't you pedal the bike here? Why didn't you bring the SCUBA tanks over?"
"I'm physically… weaker?" I said, raising my very wimpy arm. "You're in the sports team. You do kendo for fun, and not just for PE class! You actually want to go biking! Who would I be to deprive these opportunities?"
"Whatever." Sakura said in dull irritation. "Let's just get this over with."
She raised the axe and prepared to bring it down on the metal, before I stopped the axe swing.
"What the hell, bro?"
"How about we… try the doorknob first?"
The door creaked open.
Sakura stared at me. I stared back. The door was still opening. I quickly reached out so that the doorknob wouldn't hit the door
…
Rias Gremory widened her eyes in shock. Their wards were down.
Their wards were down.
They were constructed by the underworld's greatest rune magic specialists, and was part of her brother's rather annoying ranting about her safety and caution outside of the realms of Hell. And they had just been taken down.
It was a shield meant to take down powerful individuals. People with a large amount of supernatural power would be kept out by its innate properties, while people with no magical power posed no threat at all, and they had to let the delivery people in somehow, right?
Over the horizon, Rias felt a wave of holy energy approaching.
"Koneko, do you feel that?"
The little girl in question was currently cowering behind a sofa. Rias took that as a yes.
"We have to get the wards back up, or else whatever is coming is going to destroy us."
"Wait, what?" Issei shouted, looking up from his spot on the couch that was angled towards the nearly transparent shower.
Amidst the great power approaching them, and the chaos of the situation, none of them noticed the almost powerless sacred gear hiding in one of the broom closets. The demonic powers that followed it were drowned out and unnoticed by the other magics in the house, though its mere presence brought more energy to the devils.
…
"Holy shit. They somehow noticed the chalk being washed off. Thank god for large closets." Sakura muttered.
Our air tanks were now resting on expensive-feeling coats to muffle the sound of them occasionally shifting around. I was hugging the bag of tools tightly, so that none of them shifted around and made any sounds. Outside of the closet, the occupants of the mansion ran towards the situation.
"Wait, if they can sense the chalk disappearing, does that mean that their situation is real? Their magic is-"
"Snap out of it." Sakura stage whispered. "They're trying to get to your head. It won't work. They probably saw you out of a window."
"Then why aren't they checking out the doorway? Oh my god-"
"You're overanalyzing." Sakura said. "Concentrate, and calm down."
A ray of light was shined on me. No, literally. It wasn't like I spontaneously got an idea to save myself of this situation. The door behind me was opened.
The innocent face of Asia Argento met my eyes.
Spurred on by Sakura, I said the words.
"Sakura, take her out."
Sakura coldly swung the hammer was swung, and she crumpled to the ground. A red mark remained on Asia's forehead as she slumped to the ground, unresponsive.
We wordlessly dragged her into the closet, before gathering our tools, adjusting our air tanks, and heading further into the mansion.
A trail of blood sank into the expensive wood floors behind us.
…
Kobakiel approached the mansion. The devils were outside, frantically chanting and repairing whatever wards they had lost. It would be too late. His approach was too speedy, and any feeble ward would be smashed by his divine power.
Still, he hesitated. There was something about the mansion that seemed hostile. Even if the ones outside looked frantic and desperate, there lurked a deep, demonic presence inside the mansion, along with a twinge of god's power.
There was an interloper. An interloper trying to get the two faction to fight each other. That was why the assumed mystery being had sabotaged the wards.
Kobakiel concentrated on his hand for a minute second, and tore open a reserve in his power. Light flooded his hands, the energy crystallizing and taking form as a sphere at first, before he forced it into the mold of a spear. The construct crackled with energy, begging to be unleashed.
The radiant light contrasted with his dark cloak and wings as he took aim at the mansion.
Whatever that presence was, it was mortal.
And no bug could ever survive getting squashed.
…
"What is he doing?"
"They're arming some sort of attack. Whatever it is, it's powerful. Akeno, intercept it!"
"Yes, Rias-sama!" she said, pointing a finger at the incoming projectile. Thunder furled on her fingertips, before it was propelled with a mystical force towards the spear. The two collided, the lightning deflecting the projectile so it marred the lawn besides the mansion fence.
Another spear formed. Akeno paled. There were more projectiles of this caliber? She called up the mana inside her, the power rippling through her uniform, shredding the fragile fabric. The second lightning bolt, however, was not as strong as the first. The spear detonated on the metal fence, sending shrapnel everywhere.
"It's no use. We can't fix it." Koneko said in her impassive voice. However, even her calm tones did not hide the panic hidden under it.
The third spear wasn't even hindered by Akeno's greatest effort. It crashed into the fading barrier, causing red to crackle over the skyline.
This disturbance did not go unnoticed inside the house. A certain Issei Hyoudou entered the room with the window overlooking the whole scene, and his hand tightened. A red gauntlet appeared over his fist, crushing the railing.
A startled eep brought his attention to the other two people in the room, wearing diving masks and gas tanks.
"Who the fuck are you guys?" A fist was raised, and green gem glowed as Issei prepared to apprehend the strangely dressed visitors.
"Get him. I'm sorry about this, Hyoudou-san, but no witnesses."
A hammer was raised, and a battle between natural and super natural began. Red metal sparked against the mundane black of a hammerhead. A casual backhand sent the girl flying into the wall after the first contact.
He dashed towards the second intruder, the one boost he had gotten doubling his already enhanced strength to a considerable degree. The male intruder, seemingly getting something from his bag frantically, suddenly stumbled, and his punch demolished the wall behind him.
A pineapple pizza was thrown at his face after getting loose from its wrapper.
The sauce and cold fruit dripped down his face as he impassively looked at the person that had just unintentionally dodged his fist of… very specific purposes.
"Wait, Issei?" the assailand said.
"You know who I am?"
"Yeah, it's Tantei Keiji! The person from school! I know you've gone off the deep end, but you have to listen to me! What you're seeing and doing isn't real! The Gremory family is pumping some sort of halluncinogenic drug into the air, and making you see all of this magic nonsense to induct you into her cult!"
For the second time that day, Issei shouted in confusion.
"What the fuck?"
Okay, I lied. This isn't the last chapter. But this is basically enough chapter material and I thought, "Why continue torturing myself?"
I started writing another fic (check my profile if interested), and school started, so I'm pretty busy. If you want to keep an eye on me and supervise me to write instead of wasting time on gacha games, you can hop onto the discord server!
Discord: discord . gg / 9t9MK3jHmV
See you next time… whenever I finish that last 2000 words of this wacky adventure. I hope it was fun.
-SpiritOfErebus