Hi friends! Thank you once again for the love you continue to show this fic! I'm blown away by the support and the sweet comments. I am so excited for you to read this next chapter and cannot wait to hear your thoughts on it! I hope you enjoy lovelies and I'll see ya soon for chapter 12! ;)
A few days turns into five, then almost a week of Jay staying at Hailey's house and crashing on her couch. The partners fall into a routine easily and quickly, driving into work in their own vehicles, but entering the bullpen together in the mornings and leaving side by side at the end of the day. If anyone on the team notices, they don't say a word.
They had all known something was going on since that night at Molly's, something that was big enough to cause panic and concern for both Hailey and Jay, but no one pressed either of the partners for information. Instead they remained mostly quiet and supportive, assuring Hailey that if she needed anything they all had her back and left it at that.
Their days start much like the morning after the first night Jay had slept over – with coffee and breakfast at the island, Avery talking Jay's ear off and him making the little girl laugh loudly with her infectious giggle echoing throughout the kitchen.
Vanessa doesn't say much in the mornings, choosing to watch the three of them instead with a knowing smile always plastered on her face, but she doesn't say a word. She keeps her promise of staying at school throughout the day after Avery is dropped off at daycare, spending her time tucked away at a table in her school's library.
The days pass by normal enough, nothing out of the ordinary and no more deliveries of random gifts or text messages from unknown numbers, and as much as it should bring Hailey some semblance of relief, it doesn't. All it does is make her feel even more on edge than before and it has her tossing and turning throughout the nights, wishing sleep would come to her.
Because she knows this kind of behavior, she's seen it in the cases she's worked with abuse victims and domestic violence, and stalkers all alike. It means things will get worse before they get better, that something is coming. Something that has her barely sleeping and constantly checking to make sure the doors and windows of her home are locked and secured, always double and triple-checking that the alarm system is on and armed. Something that has her calling her daughter's daycare at least twice a day to check in on the little girl and make sure she's okay.
Tonight isn't any different. It's another restless one for Hailey, tossing in her bed and trying to get comfortable enough to calm her racing mind so that she can fall asleep, but her mind stays in overdrive.
She gives up on trying to sleep and reaches for her phone to see that it's just after midnight, and she groans, kicking the covers off and getting out of her bed. She creeps downstairs, intent on making herself a hot cup of peppermint tea in hopes that it'll calm her nerves enough so she can maybe sleep, at least for a few hours.
When she enters the kitchen she catches sight of what she assumes is the television on in the living room and figures Jay must have fallen asleep before turning it off. She goes to the living room, walking on the tips of her toes and stepping quietly, and when she enters the room she sees the television on just as she suspected, but she's also greeted by the sight of her partner sitting up on the couch.
"Hey," Hailey calls over to him, her voice soft, almost a whisper, as she stands in the doorway between the two rooms.
Jay turns his head at the sound of her voice, a small smile peeking out at the sight of her in sleep shorts and a t-shirt, her hair a mess of rumpled waves around her shoulders.
"Hey you. What are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep," Hailey shrugs. "How about you?"
"Same here," he says before gesturing to the couch. "Wanna sit?"
"That's okay. I don't wanna bother you," she smiles, pointing over her shoulder to the kitchen. "I was just gonna make some tea and I saw the TV on. Thought you fell asleep with it on."
He shakes his head at her and pats the empty space beside him. "You're not bothering me. Come on."
He doesn't miss the hesitation that crosses her face, how she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth or the way she rocks slightly on her bare feet, but then she steps forward. She walks to the couch and sits down beside him, pulling her legs up beneath her and smiling over at him again.
"What are you watching?"
"Some documentary about penguins on the Discovery channel," he says.
Hailey quirks an eyebrow, her soft smile turning to a teasing grin. "Penguins?"
"They're actually pretty cool. I'm learning all sorts of things about 'em," he tells her.
"Like what?"
"Like how they're technically considered a bird, but they can't fly. They're excellent swimmers though. And a colony of penguins on land is called a waddle, but when they're in the water they're called a raft," he tells her. "And some species mate for life. I didn't know that and it's kind of cute."
She's full on grinning at him as he speaks and he raises an eyebrow, tilting his head at her. "What?"
"You are such a nerd," Hailey says, holding back a laugh.
"You're telling me that none of that is cool?"
"Maybe a little, but you're still a nerd."
He shakes his head at her. "I wish Avery was awake. At least she thinks I'm cool."
"Pretty sure you've brainwashed my kid because you're not that cool."
He lifts a hand to his chest where his heart would be and tilts his head at her again. "That hurts me Hailey."
She lets out a low laugh, shaking her head at him. "I'm sure you'll get over it."
He chuckles and they tune into the television, watching the documentary that continues on the screen until she breaks the silence a few minutes later.
"Do they really mate for life?"
"Yeah, some species," Jay nods, turning his head to look at her. "Male penguins will search all over for the perfect, smoothest pebble to give to a female for nesting and if she accepts it, then they build a nest together and usually end up staying together."
"Okay, that is kind of adorable," she says with a sheepish smile.
"I told you!"
She lets out another quiet laugh and relaxes further into the cushions as she whispers, "Nerd."
He raises a single eyebrow at her almost daringly. "You keep saying that like it's a bad thing, but I think you actually secretly like it."
Hailey shrugs, smiling at him. "Maybe. You'll never know."
"Mhmmm," he hums at her, his eyes holding that soft and flirty shine in them as he stares over at her for another moment. "So why can't you sleep?"
"Just lots of things on my mind I guess," she says quietly.
"Like?"
"Everything. Booth and just - everything. Ya know, I didn't get another text this week."
He nods. "I figured since you hadn't said anything."
"It's a little nerve wracking," she breathes out. "I kinda feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"Well if it does you know I'm here. And the whole team is behind you, too. None of us are gonna let anything happen to you or Avery or Vanessa. You know that right?"
"Yeah," she whispers. She blows out another deep breath, a sad smile coming over her face as she looks at him beside her.
"You excited for tomorrow?" He asks, knowing she needs the distraction of something better, something happier, and he smiles as her face splits into a wide grin at the mention of her daughter's birthday and the party they've planned.
"Yeah, it should be a good day. I just hope nothing happens."
"The whole team is gonna be here, people from 51 too. This place is gonna be more protected and safer than Fort Knox."
"Yeah, I know," she breathes out, tilting her head at him. "I just want it to be a great day for her, ya know?"
"It will be. And ya know what would be even better for tomorrow?" He asks.
"Hmmm?"
"Water balloons."
She shakes her head quickly. "No way!"
"Why not?"
"Because I don't need a prank war starting in my backyard between you and the guys. One of you is bound to hurt yourselves," she laughs.
"Party pooper," he teases.
"It's not your party," she shoots back.
"I think Avery would love water balloons. Plus, it's summer!"
"Nuh-uh, nope. Maybe when she's older. With my luck these days, she'd be the one to hurt herself. Probably slip and fall, and break something," she tells him.
"So, fifth birthday party then?" He smirks.
She rolls her eyes. "We'll see. Happy now?"
"Very," he says.
"How do you do that?" Hailey asks then.
"Do what?"
"Know I need to talk about anything else without me even having to ask."
Jay shrugs beside her, a shy smile coming out over his face. "I don't know. I just do. Months of working together I guess."
She hums out a response, nodding slowly as she glances over at him, and then gestures to the television a moment later. "You mind if I hang out down here with you a little longer?"
"I don't mind."
Hailey gives him a soft smile and then the room goes quiet, a sense of comfortability falling over them as they turn their attention to the television again.
She finds herself scooting closer to him on the couch, not knowing what makes her do it, but ending up right beside him, and then she leans her head against his shoulder. She feels him tense at the contact, certainly not expecting it, and she lifts her head to look up at him.
"I'm sorry. Is this okay?" She asks, her voice nearly a whisper as her heart starts beating a bit faster inside her chest.
"Yeah," Jay replies, a little too quickly and with a small smile.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure," he says. He lifts his arm from his lap to wrap it around her, tilting his head at her and whispering, "Come here."
Hailey breathes out a low sigh, one that sounds almost like relief, and leans into him, her head falling to his shoulder again as his arm tightens around her. He holds her close against him, moving his hand below her shoulder to drag his fingers up and down her arm in an effort to try and relax her, and it does.
The tension begins to slip away from her and her breathing evens out as silence settles over the room once again, save for the low volume of the television. And as she feels herself start to doze off, nestled into Jay's side and under his arm, she's certain she feels him lean down and press his lips to the top of her head.
When Hailey wakes the next morning the first thing she notices is she's not in her bed, but on the couch, and then she feels the warm body against her own. Her breath catches in her throat as the previous night comes rushing back to her and she realizes she fell asleep on the couch with her partner.
It's dark in the living room, telling her it's too early to be awake just yet considering it's their day off, only now she's not sitting next to him, rather lying half on top of him with her head in the crook between his chest and his shoulder. She's able to make out that Jay is pressed against the cushions while she lies near the edge, but his tight grip around her has her nowhere near to falling to the floor.
She moves against him carefully, stretching her legs a bit only to find they're tangled with his beneath a blanket he must have covered them with at some point in the night. She moves again and that's when he stirs, his arms squeezing her against his side.
"It's early. Go back to sleep," he mumbles over the top of her head, his breath tickling her forehead.
"We fell asleep," she whispers.
"You slept straight through after you conked out. Just close your eyes and sleep a bit longer, okay?"
She knows she shouldn't. That she should leave and go up to her bed where she can be alone with her thoughts instead of lying beside him like this where it's too close and too dangerous, but for some reason she just doesn't care. He's warm and she's comfortable and it's the first night in a while that she's actually been able to sleep a decent number of hours.
So she drops her head back down to his chest and snuggles in against him again, mumbling, "Okay."
He presses further into the cushions and tightens his arms around her, bringing her closer and making sure she doesn't fall off the couch, and soon enough she's out like a light again.
When Hailey stirs awake again sometime later, she squints her eyes at the bright light that filters in through the curtains hanging over the living room windows and the sliding door to the backyard.
She blinks a few times, adjusting to the light, and tilts her head to look up at Jay only to find him still asleep. She stretches her legs against his as she lifts her head and turns it to the side, gasping quietly and clutching her chest when she sees Vanessa sitting on the coffee table. She's staring at them with a knowing, but not very surprised look in her eyes and a cup of coffee in her hands.
"Good morning," she says before taking a sip from her mug.
Hailey sighs. "I don't know what's scarier. You watching us sleep for God knows how long or you catching us like this."
Vanessa quirks an eyebrow at her. "So there's an us now?"
"You know what I mean," Hailey tells her quietly.
"Mhmmm. Avery is in the kitchen just so ya know. I'll distract her so you can sneak upstairs."
Hailey nods and Vanessa stands from the coffee table, walking past the couch and disappearing back into the kitchen without another word.
Hailey breathes out another deep sigh before turning her head back to Jay. She knows she needs to pull herself away and get up from the couch, but she can't help staring at him. She's seen him sleep before, but never this close and she smiles at the look of pure contentment and relaxation on his face.
Before she can stop herself or think twice on it, Hailey lifts a hand to his forehead. She drags the tip of a finger over his brow bone and down his cheek, a smile spreading over her face as she takes in the splotches of freckles adorning his skin and appreciating just how handsome he actually is.
She watches him for another moment, still smiling softly to herself and unable to ignore the thought that plagues her mind of wondering if this is what it would be like to wake up beside him every morning. She sighs a second later when she finally pulls her hand away from his face, and then his eyes blink open.
She notices how he seems to be a bit too alert for having just woken up and watches a soft and teasing smile peek out from the corners of his mouth, and then she feels the rush of heat to her cheeks as she realizes she's been caught.
"Good morning," Jay says quietly, his arms readjusting around her and tightening just a bit more.
"Morning," she says back, her cheeks still a bright shade of pink as she looks anywhere, but at his face now, and then she whispers, "Vanessa caught us."
"Yeah, I heard," he tells her. Her cheeks flush brighter and he lets out a low chuckle. "You really are kind of adorable, you know that?"
"Stop it," she breathes out as she swats at his chest and lifts herself into a sitting position. "We should get up."
He nods, removing his arms from around her and untangling their legs beneath the blanket, and then Hailey stands from the couch. She takes a deep breath and looks down at him as he sits up, and then she's shaking her head.
He scrunches his eyebrows, concern flooding his face as he stares up at her. "What is it?"
She doesn't say anything for a moment, but then she's letting out a breathy laugh and shaking her head again.
"Nothing," she says. "It's nothing. I'm gonna – "
She doesn't say another word, just points toward the kitchen and offers a tight lipped smile before she leaves him alone in the living room.
When she enters the kitchen she quickly catches Vanessa's eyes, but her friend just tilts her head up at the ceiling as Avery's back is turned while she does the little girl's hair. Hailey nods, smiling gratefully, and then she sneaks through the kitchen and goes up the stairs.
She comes back down a little while later after taking a long hot shower and trying to rid herself of the thoughts she knows she shouldn't have for her partner, and goes over to her daughter with a grin on her face.
She hugs the little girl tightly, squeezing her arms around her and wishing her a happy birthday, and then gets started on making some homemade waffles for breakfast. It's a birthday tradition she started when Avery was two, one that always makes her smile real big and it's the perfect way to start the day.
The four of them eat together, enjoying a slow morning before the festivities of the day start. Hailey and Jay don't get a moment to speak about the events of the previous night or the way they woke up together this morning, but she's sure the time will come later for that conversation so she pushes it to the back of her mind for a while.
Right now they have a birthday to celebrate and as the morning passes, Jay keeps Avery distracted with coloring and games in the living room while Hailey and Vanessa decorate for the party. They finish the inside quickly then move out to the backyard, twining streamers together and hanging them around the deck.
"We're gonna talk about it ya know," Vanessa says as she sticks a piece of tape over a purple streamer on a railing.
Hailey groans as soon as the words leave her mouth. "Not now. Not today, please?"
"I just wanna know why you keep denying it when it's so obvious Hails," Vanessa says, turning to face her friend.
Hailey sighs, running a hand through her hair and stares at her for a moment before she shrugs her shoulders and quietly says, "Maybe I do like him. Are you happy now?"
"Thank you! Was that really so hard to admit?"
Hailey shakes her head, stepping toward Vanessa and glancing behind her to make sure the sliding door is closed before turning back to face her friend.
"Me liking him doesn't mean anything because it can't happen Vanessa. Because as much as you think it's a nonsense reason, we do work together and going there with him is not a good idea."
Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Tell me why though."
Hailey quirks an eyebrow at her and she shakes her head.
"I'm serious. Give me one real reason why it's not a good idea and not just because you work together," Vanessa says.
"He's one of my best friends for starters," Hailey sighs out loudly, tilting her head. "And Avery adores him. If we go down that road and it doesn't work out, my feelings aside – it would crush her if she didn't get to see him anymore. I don't want her to lose him. I don't want to lose him. Some casual dating and a few romps in the sack doesn't exactly scream worth the risk to me."
"Hailey, you will never lose him. And as for this casual dating you speak of, there is nothing casual about you and Jay. That guy is so far gone for you and that kid, it's not even funny."
"Vanessa – "
"You deserve to be happy Hailey," Vanessa tells her. She takes a step forward, dropping the roll of streamers in her hand to the floor of the deck and placing her hands on her friend's shoulders. "After everything the universe has dished out to you, you deserve that. And Jay makes you happy. The way he makes you laugh and makes you feel safe despite all this crazy shit that's happening. And you're right, he is one of your best friends, but don't you think that would just make things even greater?"
"If we didn't work together, maybe, but I – I can't fall into something with another partner. I just can't," Hailey says, shrugging. "Besides, he deserves better anyway."
"Better than you and Avery?" Vanessa scoffs, squeezing her friend's shoulders. "Hailey, that guy is in love with you and even more important than that, he loves your daughter too."
"You make it sound so easy," Hailey sighs.
"Because it is that easy and you're just making excuses because you're scared. And I know why you're scared. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't stand here and lie to me."
Hailey swallows hard, nodding slowly, but she doesn't say another word. Vanessa squeezes her shoulders again, smiling softly at the blonde before she drops her hands from her. They go back to decorating in silence, but every word from their conversation plays on a loop in Hailey's mind. She wonders if maybe it could be as easy as Vanessa says it is. If it's worth the risk. If her and Jay could be something more than what they are right now.
By noon everything is ready for the party – the streamers are hung, balloons are everywhere, food and drinks are spread out over the kitchen island. There's a large patio table with an umbrella and plenty of chairs out on the deck, and the sliding door to the backyard is open for the perfect summer air to breeze through from outside.
Hailey gets her daughter changed into her birthday dress, a cute little purple thing that flares out when the little girl twirls that makes her giggle every time she does it, and her blonde curls are pulled up into a high ponytail with a matching purple bow around it.
A little after one, people start to arrive for the party. Some kids and their parents from Avery's daycare, the rest of Intelligence – Antonio with his kids and Adam with his nephew, Trudy and Mouch, and some of the firefighters from 51 show up, even Herrmann and his family.
The afternoon is filled with the best kind of chaos – loud laughter and squeals of excitement, stories being shared between everyone, but the thing that brings the biggest smile to Hailey's face is seeing just how happy her little girl seems to be. Surrounded by people who adore her and want to protect her. It makes Hailey's grin spread that much wider across her face as she watches her daughter enjoy her day.
Her little girl runs through the yard with the other kids, squealing and laughing as Jay, Adam and Kevin run after them in a game of tag. Hailey and Kim stand on the deck, each sipping on a beer and watching them all run around the backyard when Vanessa sidles up to them and stands on the other side of the blonde.
She glances over at Hailey and Kim, both of them with soft smiles on their faces as they stare out in front of them, and she follows their line of sight to the guys playing with the kids.
"Oh jeeze. You both are hopeless," Vanessa comments.
Hailey and Kim snap their heads over to her, both of them raising their eyebrows.
"You heard me," Vanessa says, nodding her head to the yard.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Kim mutters, sipping from her beer again.
Hailey nods, looking between the two women. "I'm with Kim. No clue."
Vanessa hums out a response, shaking her head as she walks away, and a tiny smirk appears on Hailey's face.
"So," Kim drawls out, turning her head to Hailey.
"Uh uh," Hailey says, shaking her head. "You don't ask me, I don't ask you."
"Fair enough," Kim laughs, taking another pull from her bottle of beer.
Hailey just smiles and turns her head back out to the yard, watching as Jay runs up behind Avery. He spins her around and lifts her into his arms, holding her up in the air above his head and she squeals loudly as he blows a raspberry against her stomach. Hailey's smile turns into a face splitting grin, her heart aching at the sight of them together and happy and having so much fun with one another.
When Jay turns around and sets Avery back down on her feet, the little girl scampers off to play with the other kids and as he follows her with his eyes he catches Hailey's stare. He grins back at her from the middle of the yard, then heads toward the small set of stairs that lead up to the deck.
"Are you and the other children having fun?" Hailey teases when he approaches her and Kim, and stands next to her.
"It's a kids' birthday party and tag is fun. We gotta find something to entertain ourselves with since someone said no to water balloons," Jay shoots back, bumping his shoulder against Hailey's.
"Dude, I don't trust you with water balloons," she laughs. "And I especially don't trust you, Kev and Adam with them together."
"She's got ya there, man," Kim nods from the other side of the blonde, tipping her beer at them. "I'm gonna grab another beer. You guys want anything?"
"Nah, I'm still working on this one, but thanks," Hailey says, lifting her bottle, and Jay shakes his head. Kim nods and leaves them, heading inside to the kitchen.
"I told you it would be a great day," Jay says, nudging her arm with his elbow.
"Yeah, you did. She's having so much fun. Thank you," Hailey smiles, nodding as she looks over at him.
"For what?" He asks, quirking his eyebrows at her.
"For this," she says with a shrug, gesturing to the yard and the party around them. "For helping with the party, with her. For being here."
He smiles at her with his signature grin and his soft eyes, and nods slowly. "I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else today."
Her chest tightens, that familiar ache rushing through her, and all she can do is smile back at him and nod her head again. She spots a flash of purple out of the corner of her eye and looks over to see Avery coming up the stairs and running toward them on the deck.
Her smile widens, the dimple in her cheek on full display, as she crouches down in front of her daughter. "Hi baby! You having fun?"
Avery nods excitedly, a happy little grin on her sweet face. "Yeah!"
"You hungry yet? There's plenty of pizza and sandwiches in the kitchen," Hailey says, reaching out a hand to the little girl's face to brush some loose strands of hair out of her eyes.
"Can I have pizza mama?"
"You can have anything you want today baby," Hailey nods, reaching for one of her daughter's hands. "Come on! We'll go get you a slice and come back out here to eat with everyone, and then we'll do the cake, okay?"
"Okay!" Avery says, latching onto her mother's hand.
"You want anything?" Hailey's asks Jay as she stands up straight.
He shakes his head. "I'll come in, in a minute."
"Alright," Hailey smiles at him.
She tugs on Avery's hand and the two walk across the deck to head inside. Jay watches after them, a near permanent smile on his face even as they disappear through the open sliding door.
Adam and Kevin come up beside him a moment later and when he turns to look at his friends, he quickly notices the smirks on their faces and he rolls his eyes.
"What?"
"You got it bad bro," Kevin tells him, clapping his hand over his friend's shoulder while Adam shakes his head beside them, a knowing smile still spread out over his face.
"What are you talking about?" Jay asks.
Adam rolls his eyes then, taking a step closer to his friend and quietly says, "You and Upton, man."
"What about me and Upton?"
"Dude, it's written all over your face," Adam laughs.
"You're seeing things. Should probably get your eyes checked," Jay teases.
"Nah," Kevin says, shaking his head and grinning. "You got the hots for Hailey bro."
Jay quirks an eyebrow at his friends. "I think you're spending too much time with Vanessa, Kev."
"No, you both are definitely vibing on each other. But just be careful, remember she's got a kid," Adam says.
"What does that matter?" Jay asks, his eyebrows scrunching together.
Adam raises his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just saying, man. Hailey's as tough as they come, but a kid that's not yours? Lot of baggage there. You need to tread lightly."
Jay shakes his head quickly. "I don't care about that. Avery is a great kid. Who fathered her doesn't matter to me."
Adam and Kevin share a look, then glance back to Jay with wider grins.
"So you do like Hailey," Adam says, raising his eyebrows.
Jay shakes his head again, bringing a hand to the back of his neck. "Can you both just, not? Please? If Hailey hears you, you're gonna make things weird."
"Whatever you say bro," Kevin says, clapping him on the shoulder again and Adam nods, but their smirks stay planted on their faces.
"I hate you both," Jay says jokingly before he steps away from them and goes inside the house, ignoring their laughs echoing from behind him.
He makes his way to the kitchen, finding Hailey and Avery at the island. The little girl stands next to her mother while Hailey makes up some plates of food.
"Need some help?" Jay asks as he walks up beside the pair.
"Yes, please," Hailey laughs, handing him a plate with two slices of pizza on it. "That's yours."
"Thanks," he tells her, smiling at her as he takes the plate from her. "You didn't have to do that, ya know? I told you I'd be in."
"Yeah, well," she smiles, shrugging her shoulders and gesturing to the drinks on the counter in front of them. "Could you get those please?"
He nods as she grabs the other two plates and he reaches for a juice box to give to Avery.
"C'mon babe. Let's go back outside," Hailey says to the little girl.
The three of them make their way out of the kitchen, Jay trailing behind them, and as they walk through the living room Avery turns around to face Hailey.
"Mama, can I sit next to daddy?"
Hailey stops mid-step, looking down at her daughter who looks back up at her mother with big blue eyes and a happy smile on her face.
"What?" Hailey breathes out.
"I wanna sit next to daddy," Avery says again, glancing at Jay behind them.
Hailey sets the plates in her hands down on an end table by the couch, her heart pounding in her chest as she realizes what her daughter has just said and who she has said it about, and steps toward the little girl.
Hailey kneels down in front of her and forces a smile, ignoring the eyes she feels on her from behind. "That's not daddy, baby. It's Jay. You know that, right? He's our friend. I work with him, remember?"
"He is my daddy," the little girl says again before she runs off ahead of them and goes outside.
"I'm sorry," Hailey breathes out, standing to her feet and shaking her head as she turns around to look at Jay. "I'm so sorry. I – "
"Hailey, it's okay," he tells her softly.
"She's little and she sees you all the time. She's just confused. I'll talk to her," Hailey tells him, bringing a hand up to her head and running it through her hair.
"I'm not mad, Hailey. It's okay," he says again quietly, smiling at her and trying to reassure her. "It's kind of flattering actually."
"I appreciate you saying that, but it's not okay," she tells him with a sad smile.
Hailey shakes her head again as she steps away from him and grabs the plates, and he watches her walk out to the deck. He blows out a deep sigh before following after her a moment later.
They don't bring it up once they're outside and in front of everyone, instead acting like nothing even happened as they eat their food amongst an awkward silence that develops between them. Jay peeks over at Hailey as Avery sits between them, but she doesn't look at him and he knows the wheels are spinning out in her head. He can't help wondering how it was even possible for things to change so suddenly compared to how he woke up this morning and it has him breathing out another deep, quiet sigh.
A little while later once everyone has eaten, Hailey and Vanessa bring out a birthday cake, a space themed one just like Avery had asked for with four candles lit and ready to be blown out. They all sing happy birthday, the little girl grinning excitedly, and when the singing stops, she closes her eyes tightly for a moment before blowing out her candles. They all clap and cheer, and Hailey grabs a knife to start dishing out dessert for everyone.
"Alright babe. First slice is yours," Hailey says, passing her a small plate with a slice of chocolate cake.
"Don't forget daddy," Avery says, looking up at her mother.
Hailey shakes her head at the little girl. "Avery – "
"Daddy!" Avery calls out as she looks over at Jay.
Hailey doesn't miss the way he turns his head almost immediately at the sound of her daughter's voice and she takes a deep breath, trying to keep the tears that quickly pool in the corners of her eyes from falling. She leans down and picks up her daughter, ignoring the looks from everyone around them as she settles the little girl against her hip
"I want daddy!" Avery yells out as Hailey carries her back inside the house.
She closes the sliding door behind her and makes her way to the kitchen, which is thankfully empty since everyone is outside, and sets her daughter on top of the island.
"Avery," she sighs, staring at the little girl. "Why are you calling Jay, daddy?"
"He is my daddy," Avery says just like she did earlier in the living room. She says it so simply as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Can you tell mama why you think that?"
Avery shrugs her little shoulders as she swings her legs over the edge of the counter and looks up at her mother. "He takes me places and eats with me and tucks me in at bedtime. He colors with me and he's always with me. He loves me and I love him too!"
"I know you love Jay, baby," Hailey breathes out, tilting her head as she looks at the little girl. "He's nice and funny and you have so much fun with him, but that doesn't mean he's your daddy. You can't call him that again."
"But my last party I wished for a daddy when I blew out my candles. I thought Jay is gonna be my daddy now," her daughter all but whispers, her blue eyes glistening from the tears welling up in them and Hailey looks at her with her own tears threatening to fall. She hadn't anticipated needing to have this conversation with a just barely four year old.
Hailey stares at her daughter, knowing she needs to be careful with what she says, and can't help thinking back to every moment that her and Avery have spent with Jay over the last few months. She feels her heart break as she realizes the mistakes she's made, how this is her fault, how she should've never let them spend so much time together. She shouldn't have let it get this far.
As her daughter stares back at her with the saddest blue eyes she's ever seen her have, Hailey reaches for the little girl's hands and holds them tightly in her own.
"I know you want a daddy and mama's gonna try really hard to get you one someday, I promise," Hailey says quietly, her voice cracking as she breathes out each word, and then her tears fall as she says, "But it's not Jay. Do you understand? You can't call him that again, okay?"
All the little girl hears is Jay isn't her daddy and Hailey is sure she's never seen a kid look as devastated as her daughter does in that moment. Her once bright blue eyes from just minutes ago as everyone sang happy birthday to her now spill over with tears and her bottom lip quivers as she nods her head slowly.
"Okay mama," Avery whispers again, the tone of her voice crushing her mother. "I won't say it again."
Hailey nods, squeezing her daughter's hands once more before letting them go and bringing them to the little girl's face. She swipes her thumbs under Avery's eyes, brushing away the tears that have fallen and then she brings her hands to her face to wipe away her own.
"Why don't we get back out there, huh? We'll eat some cake and then you can open your presents. How does that sound?"
Avery nods her head again, but doesn't say a word. The happy smile and excitement in her eyes is completely gone now and it takes everything inside of Hailey to not break down right there in front of her daughter.
She forces a smile instead, leaning her head down and kissing Avery's forehead before she lifts her into her arms again. She makes her way out of the kitchen, through the living room, and takes a deep breath as she pulls open the sliding door and goes back out onto the deck.
She can feel Jay's eyes on her almost instantly, but she doesn't look at him. She can't. Instead she meets the eyes of everyone else and forces out another big grin as she looks around at all of them.
"The birthday girl is gonna eat some cake and then open presents!" Hailey announces, bouncing Avery against her side as she walks over to the table.
There's a chorus of excited hoots and hollers, an attempt to get back the happiness of the day, but there's a lingering bout of tension now as everyone skirts over what just happened and pretends it didn't happen at all.
They eat their cake and when the birthday girl starts opening presents, Kevin and Adam sidle up beside her to try and get her to laugh, knowing Jay is standing off to the side intentionally to keep his distance after what had occurred. They manage to get a little giggle out of her, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes again like it had earlier before.
When Avery gets to her last present, Hailey quickly recognizes the handwriting on the tag and glances over at her partner before smiling at her daughter.
"This is from Jay," Hailey says quietly.
She catches Vanessa staring over at her with a look of concern on her face and looks away quickly, putting her attention back on Avery. She's not ready to deal with her friends sympathetic, but disappointed eyes.
Avery lifts her eyes from the slightly large box in front of her, peeking over at Jay before tearing off the wrapping paper. Hailey helps her open the box and her heart nearly breaks all over again as she sees what's inside.
It's everything a budding little astronaut to be could want - some new books on space and the moon and a space themed coloring book, a fresh box of crayons, a new teddy bear dressed in a space suit jumper with a little NASA badge on its chest, and at the bottom of the box there's even a planetarium projector for the little girl's bedroom.
Avery grins at all of it and reaches for the teddy bear immediately, clutching it under her arm as she looks over at Jay.
"Thank you Jay," she says quietly.
"You're welcome Avery," he smiles back at her, nodding his head. He glances over at his partner, but she still doesn't look at him and it causes an uneasy feeling to settle in his chest.
The party wraps up soon after presents and Hailey forces another round of smiles as she thanks everyone for coming. Kevin hangs back, staying close to Vanessa, and the two work on taking down the decorations to help Hailey after the events of the afternoon.
She's not surprised to see Jay hanging back on the deck, starting to clean up once everyone else is gone. She knows they need to talk, but she's in no way prepared for the conversation they're about to have so she distracts herself with cleaning up in the kitchen. An attempt to calm her nerves as much as she can and ignore the pang that shoots through her chest.
When Jay finally comes inside through the sliding door he sees Avery passed out on the couch, her new space teddy clutched tightly under an arm as she lies on her stomach.
He can't help smiling at the sight of the little girl before he leaves the living room and a sense of dread comes over him as he enters the kitchen. He spots Vanessa and Kevin standing at the far end of the island closest to the front door while Hailey puts the leftover food in the refrigerator. He walks to the end of the island, making sure to still keep his distance that he knows she needs right now.
Vanessa glances over at him, a sad smile on her face almost as if she knows something he doesn't, and then she nods over at Kevin.
"Um, I'm gonna walk Kev out. Let you two talk," she says quietly, tugging on Kevin's arm, and the two head for the door.
When the front door clicks shut, Hailey closes the doors to the fridge and turns around to finally face him and he nods toward the living room.
"Ave's out like a light on the couch. Want me to take her upstairs for you?" Jay asks her quietly.
"Uh, no, that's okay. I'll get her in a bit."
"Hailey, about earlier, I meant what I said. I'm not mad. How could anyone be mad at that little girl? She doesn't know any better."
"It's not just that," Hailey breathes out heavily.
"Then what is it?" He asks.
"She's too attached to you Jay," she sighs, shaking her head as she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back against the counter. "And I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but I need to make sure she doesn't get the wrong idea about you. That she doesn't continue to get the wrong idea about you.
"And you being here all the time and tucking her in at bedtime, and treating her like – treating her the way you do…I love that you love her, that she has you in her life, but all of it is giving her the wrong impression right now, so..."
Jay nods slowly, taking in her words and swallowing hard as he realizes what she means.
"So you want me to stay away. That's what you're saying, isn't it?"
"Not stay away completely, but maybe we are spending too much time together. Maybe some distance would be good for a little while," she says quietly with a shrug of her shoulders as fresh tears pool in her eyes. "I'll talk to Voight and deal with the Booth stuff on my own. I'll figure it out, but you – you should go home, Jay."
"Hailey – "
"You're not her father, Jay," she says, her voice nearly breaking as she says the words. "That's not fair to you and it's not fair to her, and I don't wanna confuse her any more than I already have, so you should go. Just – please go."
"Hailey," he breathes out, looking at her with glistening eyes as tears begin to well in them. "If this is still somehow about the kiss and last night and what happened today, I – "
"Of course it's about the kiss!" Hailey groans, uncrossing her arms and throwing her hands in the air as she steps away from the counter. "It's all of it! The kiss and you and last night. And it's the fact that my daughter is calling you daddy and you don't seem to be very upset by it. Most guys would be pretty thrown off by that, but you're not. Okay? You should be freaking out or pissed off, running for the God damn hills! You shouldn't be wanting to hang around with someone and their kid when that kid isn't yours!"
It's the last thing he wants, to leave either of them, but he's not sure what else he can do. Avery isn't his daughter, she's Hailey's. And Hailey isn't his either, but there's a tightness in his chest, an ache of something that won't let go of him, and he knows he can't just walk away.
"You still don't get it do you?" He all, but whispers.
"Get what?" Hailey bites back with a shake of her head.
Jay steps forward, moving around the island and approaching her slowly, and he doesn't miss the way her breath catches in her throat as he moves toward her. He stares at her with that same soft look in his eyes that he's been giving her for months, the only way he knows how to look at her despite the tears that reflect in his eyes.
She swallows hard as he stands directly in front of her, so close to her and very much in her personal space. Too close for partners or just friends, but both also very aware that that's not all they are to one another.
"I can't stay away from you, Hailey," he says quietly. "From either of you. I just – I can't."
She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't move away from him either, and then he's inching closer.
"Do you really want me to leave?"
She knows that look on his face. It's one she's seen so many times before now and her heart starts to beat frantically, her shoulders and chest beginning to heave with each quick breath she takes, and then she's shaking her head at him.
"No, I don't," she whispers with tears welling up in her eyes as she stares back at him and shakes her head again. "I don't and it scares the hell out of me."
He takes the last tiny step toward her and closes the space between them. He lifts a hand to her face, placing it against her cheek and she leans into him instantly. Her eyes close at the feel of his fingers on her skin, only to blink them open again a second later when his other arm settles around her waist and he rests his hand on her back, holding her close against him.
Her breathing remains unsteady as he glances between her eyes and her lips and she knows what's coming as he tilts his head down until he's so close she can feel his own shallow breaths on her face. He leans forward, his lips moving toward hers slowly, as if waiting for her to push him away, but she knows she won't – not this time, and as his lips just barely brush over hers the sound of a throat clearing comes from behind them.
They pull back quickly and Jay drops his hands from her before they turn to see Vanessa standing at the entrance to the kitchen, Kevin behind her with a tense jaw and a look of concern on his face.
Vanessa steps forward, shaking her head. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but I, um – there's…"
"Vanessa? What's wrong?" Hailey asks, immediately on edge at the look on her friend's face.
"Kev was about to leave, and then he, we saw," she says, swallowing hard and her voice cracking as she walks over to Hailey and Jay. There's not teasing look in her eyes or a smirk on her face, and as she moves around the island they notice an envelope in the young woman's hands.
"This was sticking out of the mailbox. There's no name on it so I opened it and it's, I – "
She hands the envelope to Hailey, tears pooling in her eyes as she whispers, "I don't think we're safe here."
Hailey's eyes widen as she takes the envelope from her friend. It's a mailer envelope about the size of a sheet of paper and as she opens it she realizes there's no address on it or postage, which means it was hand delivered to the house.
Her hands begin to shake as she pulls out what she thinks is a photo, noticing its glossy feel and tears pool in her eyes as soon as she looks at it. It's a black and white photo of her and Avery and Jay, the three of them at the park sitting on a bench, and she quickly recognizes it's from the first time Jay met them there.
But what makes a chill run up her back and the hair stand up on her skin isn't the photo itself, it's the red 'X' crossed over her partner's face.
"Flip it over," Vanessa whispers.
Hailey looks up, taking in the terrified look on her friend's face, but does as she says. She flips the photo in her hands, her throat going dry and her heart seizing at the message written on the back. It's just five words in black ink, but they confirm her biggest fear.
She looks just like you.