The emptiness does not impinge until days later. Despite the passing of his funeral, she is still grieving. But her outward composure does not display it. She has been taught at a young age to shelter emotions and contextualise grief.
It is the life of a shinobi.
But this grief is different. Perhaps because he was her best friend, her companion and an anchor whom she could confide in when reality did not make sense.
"Rin?"
Kurenai's voice is instantly recognisable. The gentle, sweet and comforting sound breaks her reverie.
"I'm sorry for what happened," Kurenai says.
She takes a seat beside Rin under the maple tree he always liked to visit.
"They went searching for me," Rin says.
When Kurenai remains silent, Rin continues to speak in a despondent monotonous tone.
"I almost lost Kakashi too. Moments after Obito died, Kakashi was going to take on about twenty enemies."
"Kakashi, you told him your feelings did you not?"
Rin nods. A surge of guilt digs through her insides. The memory is still disgustingly vivid, it makes her body recoil in a sudden fit of anxiety.
"I couldn't bear to lose him as well. Regardless, he made a promise to Obito, that he would protect me. The obsession is driving him insane. I know I am to blame for the loss of Obito's life and Kakashi's sanity-"
"That's enough, Rin," Kurenai interjects.
Her response is so slow, perhaps chilled by the trauma of recent events, she only registers Kurenai's penetrative comment seconds after.
"They will do everything in their power to protect you, regardless. It is Obito's wish that you remain safe," Kurenai continues.
There is truth in every word but Rin struggles to comprehend the practicality of it. Though she appreciates her comrades need to protect her, she does not want to be shunned to the side.
She has a duty, and her duty is to protect her village. If that means she is to protect Kakashi, she will, but she will not hesitate to do what she needs to keep her village safe.
"We cannot always be protected and that is the hard reality of a shinobi's world. I don't want to tarnish Obito's memory by deliberately allowing myself in danger's way, but having the expectation that I would always be protected would pressure Kakashi too much."
"But you must know where Obito is coming from don't you?"
Rin frowns in contemplation. She is unsure of Kurenai's intention.
"No, I don't."
"Obito loved you."
There is an air of discomforting stillness, as if the atmosphere is suddenly treacherous and they are oblivious to the impending pain. Or rather, Rin is.
And she takes awhile to respond.
Kurenai shows no signs of pushing the conversation without a trace of consent. She has always been like this and it is something Rin appreciates.
"I know," she says eventually, "Kakashi confirmed that."
Kurenai watches in surprise.
"Confirmed?"
There is no response from either girls, until the winds pick up and sweeps the lost revelation into Kurenai's mind.
"You knew all along did you not? Obito's feelings for you?" Kurenai continues.
This time, there is no hesitation between the comment.
"Of course I knew. I knew for a very long time," Rin replies.
"But you have feelings for Kakashi."
She does not answer.
Kurenai considers Rin's reaction.
"Perhaps you love both of them, almost as if the perfect person is split between Kakashi and Obito?"
At her comment, Rin stares, as if she has put into words the confusing mix of emotions she has been trying to decipher for so long.
"Have you ever heard of the saying, the heart sees what the eyes cannot?" Kurenai asks.
Rin shakes her head.
"What are you trying to say?"
Kurenai smiles.
"Nothing. Just remember, your heart tells you what you need. Your head tells you what you want. It is cliche, but there is always truth born out of these sayings."
x
Kurenai's voice carries itself into the wind and slowly dissipates in hushed echoes.
When Rin wakes, it is not from the usual spur, rather, a peaceful ease from her consciousness she finds chillingly alien.
And she remembers. Every sentence and every emotion felt on that very dismal day. But she cannot recall the name of the person who passed.
As she sits there reminiscing her life events, she wonders where Kakashi and Kurenai are now. What they are doing, where they are living and whether they are still alive.
It has been seventeen years after all.
Inhaling deep, she ambles for the bathroom. The darkened black-grey lines are sitting innocuously against her skin. It has spread to the rest of her body, spared her face, and does not recede until some time later.
Momentarily dazed by the colours of rising sun, Rin does not hear the knocking sound. When it grows louder, she snaps from her trance and finally proceeds to the door.
"Akihiro," she says.
Though it is still early, Akihiro looks as if he has been awake for some time.
"I just wanted to say goodbye to you before you leave," he says.
"Oh," she replies shortly, "Yes, come on in."
When the door closes behind him, the odd silence infiltrates.
But Akihiro never lets it waver for too long.
"I'm guessing you have made up your mind?"
He briefly glances at her half packed belongings.
"Yes. It is important I see my master," she answers meekly.
They had a short stroll the previous night, but her troubling encounter with Tobi had inevitably cut her time with Akihiro short.
Although she was adamant nothing was wrong, the guilt continued to surge, until she almost tripped on a conspicuous lawn ornament and Akihiro had to save her from an unsightly fall.
He did not question her sudden change in behaviour, but he was insistent she returned to the inn and rest. It was at that moment she revealed to him about her brief encounter with Tobi, although she was careful to leave out the more intimate details. Akihiro seemingly understood, but she sensed a level of disapproval, as if Tobi's neglectful behaviour ruffled him.
Akihiro had reiterated his offer to her, but it was also then that she decided she would take a detour and pay her master a visit.
And now she is watching Akihiro's disappointing expression.
"I wish you would join us, but then again I cannot control what is out of my control," he says.
"I'm sorry, Akihiro."
He takes her hand.
"Don't be. We all have our own paths to follow after all, but please let me know if you ever change your mind."
When his expression softens, she beams at him.
"Also, he is lucky," Akihiro adds.
The comment puzzles her.
"What is with that face?" He laughs.
"I don't understand what you mean."
"No? Men aren't good with words or emotions for that matter," he replies sheepishly, "I don't mean to sound abrupt but the sun has now risen fully and if you want to make it to your master by nightfall, you should get going soon."
He sounds slightly edgy so Rin decides to drop her curiosity.
She nods and Akihiro takes her hands to his lips and kisses them ever so softly.
"Thank you, Rin."