Her words leave a gaping wound. Rin did not imagine its sorrowful impact, nor the mounting heaviness that pounds so viciously against her thoughts.
Tobi, he never thinks twice about his actions or how easy it is for him to take advantage of her guileless emotions.
It may be bittersweet on his end but to her it is bitter. She has now barred herself from carrying out any empathetic feelings for him. Perhaps it is the resentment towards his volatility, but she cannot comprehend his vague excuses.
A fragmented part of her appeals for her forgiveness, to forget the emotional turmoil Tobi has put her through and to allow the construction of a bridge to run its course. And once she steps past this bridge, she can perhaps unload the burden he has instilled into her so many months ago.
But she has regained a new sense of pride. The realisation of her fate forces her to leave things as they are. She will no longer be conversing with him.
Once Deidara's treatment is complete, she will leave. Where, she does not know but perhaps a solo journey will assist in regenerating the lost and broken emotions.
Her time is short, and soon she will regain the memories she had so desperately set out to retrieve in the seventeen years of her 'new' life.
After all, memories are what embodies the soul. Was that not her reasoning for pursing her pride so many long years ago?
x
In the next two days, the mood between Rin and Deidara is sombre. He barely speaks, neither argue nor complain. It is a small outcome she secretly appreciates. Deidara's nonsensical talk does her head in too much.
But she is sympathetic. The viral extraction is unpleasant, and even with the maximum dose of painkillers, his agonising wails penetrate the four walls and rebounds ever so violently against her bones.
"How…much…longer?" Deidara groans in between lungful of heavy breathing.
This is his third extraction, and she deeply feels for him at this stage. If only she had a bit more time, she could have concocted a stronger dose of anti-pain medication. But time does not permit, not unless she fancies being witness to a wasting away Deidara.
"It's done," Rin says quickly.
"Dammit, my muscles, they're hurting like hell."
"Don't worry, I've prepared a herbal bath for you. I promise it'll take the pain away," she says gently, "Only a few viruses left, your body will be able to take care of it. You should be virus free by tomorrow and one more day of rest after that and you'll be back to your irritating self."
He winces at every movement.
"Fine, fine, hurry it up and leave, I need to drown my muscles," he says wearily,
He grimaces in an attempt to stand, but not before she catches a small smile of gratitude from him.
"Alright, I'm leaving."
x
Rin has packed, her mind made up and her room returned.
She sits by the cosiness of the inn's restaurant and soaks the warmth of sun. If only she was by the ocean. The thought probes her memory with endless water, and though it ignites a wistful sensation of nostalgia, there is an element of sadness attached to it.
When she retrieves the little jar from her bag, her heart momentarily stops. The vast array of coloured sand and seashells glisten ever so sentimentally from its terrarium. It suddenly gnaws at her insides and provokes fresh wounds.
Desperate, she stuffs the jar back into her bag. Perhaps she should leave it behind? Leave all the memories behind.
But her contemplation is interrupted by a very intimidating looking man who has surreptitiously planted himself beside her.
Instantly, she gets a full dosage of unpleasant deja vu.
"Hello sweetheart," he says gruffly, and she sees the passive excitement of infatuation seared across his thickset features.
This time, she is acutely aware that he may not be a civilian, but a ninja.
"Are you alone?" He continues.
His voice is revoltingly greasy and when he leans closer, she can smell the horrendous stench of his putrid rotting breath.
"That does not concern you," she says uncomfortably.
She shifts toward the window, a bad move perhaps considering she is trapped in between a solid structure and a man who is taking up more than half the bench space.
The man lets out a booming laugh so loud, the entire restaurant stares perceptively.
"I love a feisty woman," he says in that same sickening tone.
Then he notices her medical kit.
"Oho! A medic!" he exclaims happily, and without so much a break, as if this is the reason for his conversation, he brusquely continues, "Listen, I have a proposition to make, looks like you're travelling alone. We are ninjas," he points briefly in the opposite direction where a group of men are sitting, "here with my comrades, we are looking for a medical ninja who could assist us with our missions. In exchange for the medic's service, we pay well, offer protection etcetera. What do you say?"
Rin takes a moment to absorb the man's very rehearsed and very long winded explanation.
"Thanks for the offer, but I must decline. I have decided to step back from the medical role," she answers solemnly.
The man surveys her for several seconds, as if deciding whether to retaliate or play it safe.
"Alright, alright. But looks like you are travelling solo. How about I offer you guidance to wherever you need to go. Besides, it's important for a lady not to go on her way alone."
"I can manage without assistance," she answers frigidly.
"I must insist, particularly a woman like you."
Rin frowns in puzzlement. She is unsure of the insinuation behind his statement, but it seems this underlying motive is a separate issue from his earlier proposal.
When she remains silent, he shuffles close so that her back hits against the window pane.
In a sly, raspy tone, he whispers in her ear.
"Tell me sweetheart, have you been ruined yet or are you still pure?"
The fawning manner sends a chilling unease through her body. Combined with the rancidness of his breath and disgustingly disrespectful comment, she is gagging.
What on earth did I ever do to attract such filth?
"Please leave, I have no interest in you," she says coldly.
"Oh come on now, nobody says no to me!" He chuckles.
"I believe I just did," she retorts scornfully.
For a fleeting moment, he looks offended, but his expression changes when he briefly glances in the direction of his three comrades, who are leering at her from across the room.
"Fine, respect for the lady," he sighs dramatically.
But she remains suspicious. She needs to leave if she ever wants solace.
Incredibly, the man slides off the bench and ambles over to his comrades. On her end, she can still see the revolting ponytail of his oily dark hair atop his small roundish head.
Swiftly, Rin gathers her belongings and rushes for the door, completely unaware that the four men are whispering maliciously in her direction and watching carefully as she disappears for the outside skies.
But she does not get far past the front exit when she hits into Tobi. And that damn intoxicating scent of something like faint sandalwood and clean male strikes her so hard, she is instantly consumed by its sensuous effects.
She was hoping he would not impede her departure, or even present himself here for that matter, but his presence is ubiquitous nowadays.
Tobi steps back, as if he too is momentarily surprised by her sudden appearance.
Unexpectedly he holds her arm in a firm grip.
"Don't," he says.
Furious, she yanks from him.
"You were following me?" She says incredulously, "Please just stop!"
"Don't put it like that," he answers with equal irritation.
"What are you playing at?"
"I'm not playing at anything."
Then he grips her arm again in a futile attempt to halt her hysteria.
"Let go!" She shrieks.
"Don't!"
"Let me go!"
And in that moment of struggle, she is standing so close, the inconvenient feelings of need resurfaces. It is an enormous attempt on her part not to relent to the dangerous desire that wants to so much fall into him and relish in the safety of his embrace.
But she also regrets the broken contact when her arm successfully pries itself from his grip.
"I hate you!" She cries.
And all men. Curse them all, the whole damn lot of them.
Then she pushes past him and down the narrow pathway that leads to the town's exit.