(AN: fuck this website go to ao3 and read my shit on there instead, i actually engage w ppl on there and update my shit more regularly)
Peach woke up early the next morning after their hardcore house-breaking-in sex they had on the first night in their new house. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Mario and their beautiful baby boy sleeping next to her and cuddling with each other and her, and she was so happy. After all the stupid weird stuff that caused so much trouble in high school has ended, they have a family together and get to start a new chapter today, because it was the first day of Super Mario College. She smiled and gently woke up Mario and whispered to him. "Mario, we need to get up and get ready for our first day at College..."
Mario slowly woke up and looked so well rested, but he stank like the inside of a rotting prostitute after all the sweaty after-sex sleep he just had. "Good morning baby, I'm so excited for our first day at College." He tried getting up out of bed, but he ended up sliding out into the floor because he sweated all over the bed. He sweated so much that the sweat filled the mattress and leaked out onto the floor and down the stairs, and he was carried all the way down by the current. "AAAAUUUUGGHH! FUCK OH FUCK OH GOD HELP ME!" he screamed all throughout the house as he was swept away.
"SSSSHH!" Peach was getting pissed off and shushed at Mario to shut his hairy lying Italian mouth, "Mario be quiet! Our baby, Pocahontas, is sleeping! You'll wake him up!" But it was too late because Pocahontas began to wake up and looked up at his mother. "Mommy, why is Daddy screaming?" Peach sighed and looked at her son. "Don't worry about him, he is just excited about going to college today. How did you sleep?" and Pocahontas answered, "I slept good Mommy. I had a dream that we were all in college class together!"
Peach smiled and laughed. "That is so sweet baby Pocahontas, but you are just a 3 month old baby! You cannot go to college just yet." This made baby Pocahontas sad because he was so excited about going to College with his parents. He started to cry a little bit and said :"but...but I don't wanna be left here alone all day while Mommy and Daddy are gone! Wahhhh!" He started to cry so hard and sound like Waluigi, who is now died because he killed himself during High School.
He started crying and tears came out of his eyeballs and added to the already soaking wet mattress. The added moisture to the stream of sweat made by Mario caused him to be sweat out further into the house. He reached the living room, and when he stood up, the water was up to his groin. The water was quickly rising, and he would surely drown if he didnt think fast. He cracked open a window, but it was flowing out much slower than it was filling up the room. He tried to reach for the front door, but, since he is so short, he began floating to the top of the room as the water filled the living room up more.
"Oh God, I can't die like this! Not after all we've been through, and not on the first day of College!" Time was running out. He was approaching the ceiling and soon there'd be no where else to go. The harsh current kept him from swimming down and reaching for the door. He thought to call out to his family for help, but he instead told them that he loved them and hooped that they would hear, and then he told God to go fuck himself. He touched the ceiling with his forehead, and then the water stopped. It stopped because this was happening upstairs:
Pocahontas was crying like a baby, so we was pretty good at staying in character. He cried and cried until Peach started using her sexy Mom Powers. She picked up her baby and cradled him, shushing him to get him to shut his weird toothless mouth. "Don't cry, my baby Pocahontas. We won't be leaving you here, all home alone." That was good news, because then he might run into house robbers and Donald Trump. "There is a Day Care run at the College, and you will be safe there! We will only be a few rooms away, and you will have so many other babies for you to make friends with!"
This thing that Peach said to him calmed him down, and he stopped crying completely due to no longer being sad. Tears are what is caused by sadness, an emotion that sends depressive atoms to your brain and triggers your brain to send tears to your eyes. "Oh, that is okay then! I am excited to meet all sorts of babies my age and hopefully not die due to negligence!" Now everything was fine, and Peach got him and herself ready. Now we return back to downstairs, with Mario, who was, until that moment, fighting for his very Life Force:
Now that the current was no longer harsh, Mario was able to swim down to the door as the rest of the residual water dribbled down the stairs and filled up the rest of the air space. He was about to reach the door, which meant he would survive! He put his hand on the doorknob and twisted, but it would not turn. It was LOCKED! "FUCK!" Mario said, but not through his mouth because then he would lose some of the few atoms of oxygen he had stored in his body and lungs. He locked the door and didn't have the key on him. He frantically swam around the room looking for the keys.
He looked under couch cushions, on the tables, and pretty much every other place he could think of where the keys could be. Luckily, he had some time to look around more, because he could hold his breath for a decently long time due to all the times he had eaten out Peach's vaginal, but, if he didn't act fast, he would surely drown. He started to panic, and then remembered the one place he hadn't looked: in his nose. Due to it's large size, many objects could be stored in there at any given time. It seems to have many objects that are relevant to solving the current situation at hand, and it's likely that, if something was missing, it was in there.
He started picking his nose as fast he could. He searched and searched, pulling out gallons of boogers and nose hairs that floated to the ceiling. He also pulled out some unused condoms that he had no intention of using(he was so good at sex that he could control his own sperm), along with his high school diploma and some of Rosalina's panties from when she got so fat and couldn't wear them anymore and then died in an explosion. Finally, he pulled out a metal object: the front door key! Good timing, too, because his lungs were at 2% capacity. He started to panic as if the 2% percentage was for the Five Nights at Freddies power meter.
He swam all the way back over to the front door and got to the knob on the door (the doorknob). He put in the key, and it almost reminded him of having sex, but he could NOT get horny right now because he would die if he got distracted by his own awesome penis. He put in the key in the keyhole on the doorknob and twisted it right as he was about to drown, and then, right as he twisted the key and unlocked the door, it shot open and he and the water shooted out of the house like a big salty tsunami.
He laid out on the lawn, soaking wet and psychologically traumatized by the near-death experience. He was breathing so heavily and it made his chest go huge like he had boobs. Then Peach and Pocahontas came outside through the front door, and they went up to see Mario. "Mario!" said Peach like she was about to be a bitch and nag, which was what she was about to, "Stop being lazy! We HAVE to get ready for our first day of Super Mario College!" Pocahontas agreed and said "Yeah Daddy, get off your fat hairy ass and get ready!" Pocahontas was a 3 month old baby.
After everyone was ready to go to College, they got into their family friendly vehicle and drove all the way there. Mario was not used to driving a family friendly vehicle such as this, because he was used to driving his old motorcycle, so he was swerving all over the road like a decrepit old man who needed to swallow hot stones to digest corn preoperly. He ran every single red light he came across because he was too short to reach the brakes in time, and at some point he drove over a curb and lost the back bumper. He also hit his car into a big fat muscle man's hard penis and fucked up the engine, so they had to go the rest of the way by sticking their feet out of the floor of the car and dr5iving like the Flinstones would.
They parked the family friendly vehicle on the campus of Super Mario College and went inside the big, beautiful building. They stepped inside the lobby and had to stop and look at how big and beautiful everything was. If this college building was a woman, it would be a big Beautiful one, and would eat on camera for money. "Oh Mario, College is so big and beautiful! So much more bigger and beautifuller than I could have hoped for." Then, a voice from behind interrupted them from taking in the big and beautifullness of the building. "Hey guys! Long time no see!"
Mario, Peach and Pocahontas turned around, and they saw some of their freinds from High School: Daisy and Captain Syrup, who were in a fully committed lesbian (gay womansexual) relationship. "I'm so glad you guys in College now!" said Daisy in her southern accent which I did NOT forget to write into the story after chapter 3 of Mario High School. She ran up and hugged Peach because they were best friends. "OMG Peach, you are still so skinny after your baby except for your Boobs!" Daisy could appreciate a good boob(even more if it had a friend) and Peach's were so good to see and look at, but she couldn't look too long because her girlfriend was right over there.
"Look at how big Pocahontas is getting!" Daisy said while looking at Pocahontas. "Such a cute baby! Can I hold him? I promise I won't crush him with my brute lesbian strength!" and Peach said "Sure, here you go! Just be sure to support his head, because baby's necks have foreskin consistency until they're one year old!" Peach gave Pocahontas to Daisy, and she started cradling him and talking in a baby voice. "I haven't seen you in so long! You look so different than you did when I saw you come out of your Mom's vagina!"
Captain Syrup came over and let the baby grab onto her finger. "Daisy...this baby is so cute." Captain Syrup looked to be so in love with the baby, but not in a way that made her a pedophile like Professor E. Gadd, who is now dead. While she held the baby, who is Pocahontas, Daisy began to talk to Peach and Mario. "How have you guys been? I haven't seen you guys since Senior Prom at Mario High School! I've missed hanging out with you guys so much :("
"I'm sorry Daisy, but we've been so busy. We're raising Pocahontas into a functioning member of future society, and that is a Full Time Job." Peach explained this to Daisy. This was a sad reality, but it is true. Mario and Peach have had to give up so much due to teenage pregnancy. "But it's okay because now we can hang out at College together during the day! This'll be just like how it was in High School!" Then Daisy frowned and got all sad, like she had been told she got lead poisoning from the limited edition McDonald's brand Shrek Forever After glass. "But it won't be how it was in Highschool Peach," Daisy said, giving Pocahontas to Captain Syrup so she can hold him. "Wario, Waluigi, Rosalina, and Mona are all dead, and they never got to experience College with us." This made everyone else sad and go silent, and they could hear Pocahontas liquid shit in his diaper.
But then Mario, who wasn't sad, said this: "Guys, don't be sad for them. They may not be with us, currently, in this moment in time, but they are doing just fine in the Next life. We should continue on and let their memory live through us and the things we do for others!" Captain Syrup looked at him and was like "How do you know this?" Mario wanted to tell them that they appeared to him through a portal that lead to the Next Life before they entered Senior Prom and talked to him, but they would think he was crazy. "I can just feel it," said Mario.
Then, the building's front doors opened, and 2 more people walked in. It was Luigi and Peasley, who were in a fully committed gay (man homosexual) relationship. They looked so tired and roughed up, like a big pissed off tornado came up to them and mugged them in an alley filled with angry street cats. Daisy ran up to the couple and gave them a big squeezy hug that crushed their organs into applesauce. "Hi Luigi and Peasley! I missed you both so much! But jeez, you both look horrible, what happened?" She let go of them and saw how shitty they looked.
"Yeah you guys," said Peach, "It is so unlike you to not look your best on the first day of college, given the fact that you both are so gay." Luigi quickly had to come up with an excuse, because he did not want everyone to know about all the stuff Luigi and Peasley did to each other's penises and buttholes last night. "Um...er...well...you see, what happened was-" Luigi shut up because Mario ran up to him and started smelling all over Luigi's and Peasley's bodies. Mario then stopped smelling them and glared at them. "I smell sex on you! Luigi, you should know better than to have nonstop gay sex before the first da7y of College! And now you're both tired! What do you have to say for yourselves?"
Luigi was so embarrassed and covered his face with his large, cartoony hands, but Peasley smirked. And he said, "Professor Luigi was running a course on hot sweaty gay sex, and I made the Dean's list for that semester ;:)" Then everyone wanted everyone else to just shut up because they all just needed to stop talking forever, but Pocahontas asked, "Mommy and Daddy, what is gay sex? The only sex I know is the straight kind you did to create me." Great, now Pocahontas had to have the sexy talk early because his uncles were big fat sluts.
Suddenly, as if sent by some higher power, the Principal of College came by to greet the group of friends. "Greetings, new students! I am the Principal of Super Mario College! You may call me Tomaskers Entertainment. It is so great to have you all here with us!" Mario came up and shook his hand. "Hi Tomaskers Entertainment! I'm Mario." But Tomaskers Entertainment said, "Oh yes, I know who you all are already. You are the ones who saved the world by defeating Satan just a few months ago while you were in High School! Very impressive! Now let me know if you all need anything at all. Classes will start soon, so you all should get familiar with the building beforehand."
"Tomaskers Entertainment?" Peach asked in her super sweet high pitched voice, "I had to bring Pocahontas, my baby with Mario, to College today. Where is your daycare center?" Tomaskers Entertainment smiled at her. "Ah yes, what a cute baby! I am so glad he did not turn into the Anti Christmas from Satan's semen! The Day Care center is right next to this main building on the left. Your baby Pocahontas will be well taken care of and safe there, and you will need not worry about him dying due to the negligence of the staff." And this made Peach happy to hear because, being a woman, she was so emotional and paranoid about everything that could happen to babies. Peach took Pocahontas back from Captain Syrup and decided she would drop him off after they looked around.
Tomaskers Entertainment had to leave them and go back to his main office because he had Principal work to do, and everyone else was left to talk amongst themselves. "Oh boy, our first day of College is going to start soon!" said Luigi, excited to start college. "What classes do you guys wanna take?" Peasley cuddled up with Luigi's arm and said, "I'll go to any classes you go to babe," he said, and everyone else groaned. Having a gay best friend sounds so fun until they are gay 24/7 without stop. "Daisy then said, "Gosh I don't know, there are so many choices."
"Wait," said Mario to everyone else, "Classes are gonna start soon, but...where is Bowser?" Mario had a point. He was the only one who was missing from the picture. "He didn't forget to come, did he?" Captain Syrup said, "Pfft, he probably didn't get good enough grades to make it to college. Or he didn't wanna come and actually hates us again and went back to doing bad stuff. None of us have heard from him since Prom anyways." Daisy got mad and turned towards her girlfriend with her hands on her hips. "Syrup, don;t say that! Bowser is our friend, and he is a changed person! Do you not remember all he has done for us? I'm sure his fatass just slept in today from spending all night mastorbating his penis and balls together."
"Mario, classes will start before we know it. We should go look around like Tomaskers Entertainment said." Peach told her boyfriend and father of her baby, who is Pocahontas. Mario did not want to leave without Bowser, but he also did not want to be late for his own classes. He and his friends left the main lobby to go look around campus and see all it had to offer, but, despite everyone's excitement, Mario could not stop from thinking about Bowser. He had redeemed himself at the end of High School, but then he stopped talking to them all. Now he was not coming to College. Could he really be back to doing bad stuff, or was he in trouble? Mario just couldn't stop worrying.