It is the transient moment when Tobi's expression contorts into guilt and bitter regret that darkens the mood.
Rin can never deduce his inscrutable thoughts against such spiteful emotions. But it seems every act of intimacy elicits resentment, as if he knows something is wrong but does it anyway because it feels so right.
When he turns to face her, he is smiling so forcibly, it compels her to look away. She hates how he is always trying to appease her in compensation for his unhappiness.
Without questioning his emotional agendas, she lies against his chest and assimilates the tranquillising rhythmic beat of his heart.
Her hand runs ambiguous strokes along the uneven planes of his chest. And as she crosses between the heat of his undamaged skin and the coolness of artificial derma, she can feel the stark contrast in warmth.
The tenacious unease does little to deter the small flame of hope that is burning within. Their proximity may be deriding the uncertainty of any further passion between them, but Rin knows it is untrue on Tobi's part that he seeks to build a barrier between them.
She is no longer resentful of his actions.
It is not his mistrust towards her, rather, it is an element of misgivings he has about his own reasoning and actions. He never tells her, but she reads him well, from the small minute actions of his kindness to the sweet, loving moves of his touch.
No longer does she want to leave his presence, as if a part of her has transferred itself into him, and they are filling the other's darkened void as a way to fuel their existence. In all her life, she never thought such feelings can be achieved, or felt. It runs deeper than the element of physicality and transcends even the fragility of emotional affection.
She does not know what this component is. And it may be something she will never discover in the very short amount of time she has with him.
"You're reminiscing," Tobi says.
She looks to him with a plaintive gaze.
"I don't want this moment to end," Rin says.
"Neither."
He turns to embrace her. The smell of his enticing scent stirs another bout of restless yearning in her middle. But she suppresses the lustful advances. In this moment, she cares more to lay and waste the night with him.
So they remain quiet. The pleasant silence between them evokes a calmative heat to the anxiety and uncertainty associated with their recent intimacy.
"Tobi?"
Rin breaks the quietude. Her level of curiosity is probably more ravenous than her appetite for another round of lovemaking.
"Why did you decide to reveal your identity to me?" She continues.
He stares thoughtfully at the ceiling.
"I guess I wanted you to see me for who I am, and not someone behind a mask," he replies eventually.
Beneath his answer, there is an element of complexity to it, and perhaps he may not know how to formulate a coherent sentence to give her. But she gets the tail end of his reply and it is good enough for her.
"I'm glad you did," she whispers, and she moves to hover on top of him, "I prefer relishing in a sexy face."
"I wouldn't go that far," he answers softly, and they lean in a simultaneous motion for a sweet, heartened kiss.
When they part, another muse plagues her mind.
"I'm glad too, that you are here and not with Deidara. I would have thought otherwise considering the circumstances that I saw between the two of you."
Tobi gives another inexplicable look, as if troubled by her sudden comment. There may be traces of uncertainty or emotional confrontation, but if Rin is ever going to fathom this mysterious person, it is to ask him directly.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he answers hesitantly.
"Did you ever like him in that manner?" She pauses, "You know, in a non-physical way-"
"Does that matter?" He interrupts.
His tone is suddenly sharp and wary.
Rin is staring back at him, wide-eyed with puzzlement.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I just wanted to try and understand you. You know a lot has happened and I'm still in a state of confusion."
He softens.
"Sometimes there isn't a concrete reason for the things that I do, Rin. But I'll do what I can to protect you, and I want you to know that."
"Yes, but I won't interfere if you feel that way about-"
"No, I don't," he interjects firmly, "It's always been you, Rin, and always will be."
Tobi holds her face and kisses her forehead in reassurance. His touch signifies the unspoken truth behind his words. She does not doubt the veracity of his comment, and for the very first time tonight, she feels considerably free of any residual fears about his true feelings.
"I'm sorry I doubted you," she whispers.
"I'm sorry I made you doubt me," he answers with equal resentment.
She lays firmly against him. And for an indefinite amount of time, they breathe in the placid quietude, lost in their own worlds and wholly dissociated from reality.
Somewhere, somehow, sometime later, mind adrift but not in movement, Rin's arms is cradling his head against the hollow gap above her shoulder. Her hand is absent-mindedly stroking his hair, whilst her inattentive gaze observes his unconscious state. Even in sleep, Tobi is still cautious, reserved - perhaps experiencing the same desolation in his world of dreams as he does in this reality.
She leans in and traces the pronounced scarring that lines the right side of his face. Tobi does not flinch at her action, but his body is unusually rigid, as if he is still not used to being touched or that his guardedness is an embedment to his subconscious actions.
Hurt at the possibility of this speculation, Rin turns to her side so that she is holding his head against her chest. She clutches to him possessively and runs her fingers soothingly through his hair, until his body relaxes and his arm unconsciously encircles her in an equally overprotective embrace.
Complacent with this comfort, she allows the distant feelings of actuality to evaporate.
Except, it is far from an enchanting dream.
x
"Rin, don't be afraid."
The voice echoes into the darkened space of nothing. But she feels a tightening grip on her hand. Reassuring, yet feeble.
"Kakashi, take care of Rin," the voice continues.
It sounds weak and weary.
Her hands are now devoid of warmth. The chilling cold pierces her skin like pointed knives through flesh.
"Rin, we need to go now, take my hand!"
The other voice is frantic.
"I cannot see, where are you?" She cries.
"Rin, now!"
"You're not here! I can't see you, please, where are you?"
Her hand reaches blindly in front.
"Rin…Rin…don't be afraid, I'm here."
The familiar voice calls to her again. It rebounds loudly into the blank space and suffuses the atmosphere with a glowing warmth. Her skin prickles hopefully at the sound. She is still scanning the dark.
And she sees someone lying beside a boulder. His face is turned to her in a panic-stricken state. She runs and collapses beside him. There is a long trail of blood that is trickling from his empty eye socket.
At the same moment, an excruciating pain sears at her chest in a sickening sensation.
The blood falls from her blouse. Its movement is a perfect sync of the liquid red that is dripping from the boy's eye socket.
Fearfully, she lets out a petrified cry. But the sound is muted by a high-pitched screeching noise of a thousand chirping birds.
When her world turns blank, her hand reaches for a source of radiating light. Something or someone is touching her from an impalpable world.
"Rin…Rin!"
The sound is persistent and the shaking is incessant. Her mind reluctantly wakes.
"Rin are you okay?" Tobi asks anxiously.
When her eyes open, she stares at him with so much intrusion, he briefly startles. The final image of her nightmare, of the dying boy, is still inscribed ever so vividly in her mind.
"You! It was you!" she cries hysterically.
"Rin-"
"It was you all along," she continues feverishly.
No…it can't be…
She shakes her head in an attempt to stem the bitter nostalgia. Her consciousness is delirious. Her mind is struggling to contain the intrusive vision as image after image of the devastating event flashes before her.
Her state confirms and reconfirms the stark resemblance of his features to the dying boy she keeps seeing in her nightmares.
"D-Do I know you?" she whispers shakily.
"Why are you asking that?" Tobi answers cautiously.
His expression is unreadable.
"How did you get your scars?" she asks evasively.
When he does not answer, she continues.
"My nightmares, I'm plagued by a familiar looking boy who died after he was crushed by a falling boulder, and it keeps replaying, again and again, and it won't stop."
She is barely containing another bout of rising hysteria.
For a fleeting moment, Tobi is looking horrified.
"I know he's you and I don't know how you survived such a gruesome ordeal but you're here and I can't seem to comprehend how exactly you were connected to me," she says fretfully, "I'm so scared. I don't know what's happening."
The sudden comforting embrace drains any further escalation of fear. Tobi holds her against him.
Her erratic breathing subsides and the intrusive thoughts are numbed by the security of his presence. For the first time in a long time, she weeps in silence.
Perhaps her mysterious connection to Tobi is something her heart cannot assimilate?
But she knows, that the further she delves into her memories, the closer she is to the truth about this enigmatic person.